A last resort

Adoption should be a solution thatsuits children, not childless couples

W e must stop glorifying adoption andrecognize it for what it is: a second-best

; solution for all. Adoption is currentlyI being promoted as the solution for infertility and for,

unplanned pregnancy. Just as divorce should not be: offered as a cure-all for every marital problem, new

solutions need to be sought for infertile couples andpregnant women and couples who don't have the

NovemberlDecember1991 . VtneRead£r 53

means to raise a child. Because every adoptionbegins with a tragedy, it should, like divorce, be alast resort to be used only after attempts to keep thefamily together have failed.

Here are some reforms:.Adoption needs to return to its original goal ofserving the needs of the children. We need to fmdhomes for children who need homes, not to fmd babiesfor the childless. There are now 36,000 children in thiscountry-in foster homes or institutions--who arefree for adoption. Legislation is needed to encourageand subsidize the adoption of "special needs" children,particularly in terms of medical expenses and insur-ance coverage for children with pre-existing medicalconditions.

Because it involves the welfare of innocent chil-dren, adoption requires many safeguards. All adop-tions therefore need to be handled through reputableand licensed state and religious agencies.

The current practice of private, independentadoption often employs the use of gimmicks such asnewspaper advertising that lure women to give up theirbabies by offering fmancial remuneration under theguise of payment for services. In one case of babybrokering, police allege that Richard Gettlemen usednewspaper classified ads to entice unmarried mothersto travel to Louisiana to surrender their babies, whichhe later sold for $10,000 to $30,000. Adoption laws,which now vary greatly from state to state, need tobe standardized and regulated.

While maintaining high standards, licensedagencies can and should "borrow" practices, suchas openness between adoptive and birth parents,that currently make private adoptions more ap-pealing. Licensed agencies would arrange theplacement only after both the adopting and

_

surrend~ring parents had received family ;ff'counseling. /".Foreign adoptions need to be

f'

halted, at least until homes are /',found for "our own children." ./Many seem to believe that ,~:,.'Asian and South American :1

children are somehow "bet-ter" than Mexican-American, Puerto.Ri~, black, or mixed-race children.

" ~';'," -

ForeIgn placements are cultural //""""~.

"

genocide, generally severing chil- ,/dren permanently from their roots. {Americans like to pretend that:"foreign adoptions are saving pov-erty-stricken children from starva-

.

tion and/or life in the streets. If thiswere true, and our motives weretruly altruistic, every effort wouldbe made to save both the moth- r ."

ers and the children. ~J".Infertility needs to be ree- ".

54 Utile Reader. NovemberlDecember 1991

ognized and dealt with as a medical problem similarto a disability, not a social problem. We need morepreventive programs such as cleaning up the environ-ment and fmding cures for the newer and more resilientstrains of venereal diseases that are sometimes respon-sible for the rising infertility rates.

Psychological counseling and self-help groupsfor the infertile need to view the loss of fertility as a lossthat needs to be addressed and grieved, perhaps forever.

. Prevention of many "unplanned" pregnanciescould be accomplished through sex education pro-grams and by the availability of birth control. Also,pressuring teenage mothers to put their babies upfor adoption may be wrong-headed. Of major con-cern in teen pregnancies are the low-birth-weight,premature, and handicapped babies born to youngmothers who lack adequate nutrition. Adoption ofthese babies will do nothing to improve this situa-tion. Teenagers can and do make excellent parentsif they are given the proper support. In less-indus-trialized nations, women generally bear children intheir teens and early twenties when they are mostfertile and healthy, and they enjoy strong family andcommunity support systems..Single parents need to be recognized as capableparents regardless of age, education, race, or econom-ics. Government programs intended to offer tempo-

rary aid to those in need should be expanded,..~ not ended. Fifty-five percent of American

~ children have working mothers, yet Amer-\...ica is the only advanced industrializednation with no national maternity leave.

Single mothers who indicate a needto surrender their children to adoptionshould be required to see an independent

family counselor who considers single

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mothers and their children as legiti-., mate families and who would help

clients to explore all their options.No fmal plans should be made

prior to the birth and for at least30, and preferably 90, days

afterwards.When everyone involved inadoption puts the needs ofthe children foremost, and

when all those who care about, children join hands to work together\ toward the mutual goal of human-\ izing adoption, the adoption tri-\ angle can be softened into a circle

oflove, respect, and mutual under-standing. -Marsha Riben

Excerpted with permission from the bookShedding Light on the Dark Side of Adop-

tion by Marsha Riben. Copyright @1988 byMarsha Rihen. Available for $12.95 from 45-06Hunters Glen Dr., Plainsboro, NJ 08536