Upload
lara-antonio
View
93
Download
1
Tags:
Embed Size (px)
Citation preview
FULL ARTICLE - Femme Fatale // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
1/38
“You feel that empty, heartbroken feeling?” Cordelia Foxx kneels before her
mother’s lover, her voice an almost menacing whisper – the pain: a tangible rem-
nant of the years of living in her mother’s shadow: “That’s what it feels like to get
close to Fiona.”
True enough, to borrow words from Ryan Murphy, that is what it feels like
to get close to Fiona – although, personally, I prefer the term love/hate.
Never mind that she’s dying from cancer, Queen of the Coven and the
all-powerful Supreme is femme fatale personified. Incorrigible, conniving and
clever to a fault, Fiona Goode knows she can get away with anything. And the
truth is: we love to see her try.
WHO IS FIONA GOODE? (AND WHY DO WE CARE?)
In the third season of American Horror Story, Ryan Murphy creates a world where
witches – among other supernatural, otherworldly creatures – exist among us and
reside in New Orleans. And the Supreme1 and most powerful of them all is none
other than (you guessed it) Fiona Goode.
No newcomer to the dark and twisty2 world of Ryan Murphy, Jessica
Lange returns to the series, bringing with her a tragic darkness in the form of
once-all-powerful Fiona Goode.
Estranged mother to Cordelia Foxx, the Headmistress of Miss Robichaux’s
Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies, Fiona Goode – despite her daughter’s
violent protests – returns to the school for young witches in an attempt to salvage
whatever is left of her relationship with her daughter, and ultimately, to save the
Coven from falling into ruin.
Little does she know that her return to the school will trigger the rise of
a new Supreme3 – taking away whatever is left of her already dwindling life force
and this is where the fun begins.
FEMME FATALEThe cold, hard, bitch that is Jessica Lange’s Fiona Goode and why we (hate to) love her, (but do anyway)
OCT. - NOV. 2014 ISSUe OF FULLY BOOKeD’S ZINe; WRITTeN SePTemBeR, 2014
1 - A powerful witch can possess up to five of the seven wonders (powers) of a witch, but only one can pos-sess all seven – and she is hailed Supreme of the Coven
2 - Thanks for the term, Shonda Rhimes 3 - For every new generation of witches, there can only be one Supreme. When a new one rises, the old Supreme’s power and life force transfers into her body and the old Supreme loses her power and dies.
FULL ARTICLE - Femme Fatale // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
2/38
NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED
“The spine of the character is that thing of a wasted life.” Jessica Lange, who
recently won an Emmy for her performance as the infamous Fiona Goode, says of
her character in an interview with BuzzFeed.
“The idea that this woman has gone through life basically like a bulldozer,
in the most selfish, self-centric fashion. Things just falling by the wayside. Now,
she’s at a moment in her life where she’s confronted by all these things — her
mortality; the fact that maybe she’s alone and what did she discard on the way,
like her daughter, [who] could bring something meaningful – but it’s too late…”4
And that’s exactly why Fiona Goode is so fascinating. There is a powerful
witch at the end of her time battling to stay young. Before her are the years she
wasted living the fast-paced A-list lifestyle: snorting cocaine, jet-setting across
the globe, and running away from the responsibilities of a Supreme. All the what-
ifs, could-have-beens, should’ve-dones are finally blowing up in her face, am-
plified by the reality that she only has a couple of months left to live, but Fiona
Goode is not going down without a fight.
There is a sort of twisted poetry to the image of a once-all-powerful witch,
her mortality finally catching up with her. There she goes fighting for a second
chance – only to find that redemption is a struggle: a feeble attempt at seeming-
ly good intentions, tainted by means that are a product of her already wretched
past.
THE BEAUTIFUL, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY
On the onset, Fiona Goode seems like your typical stone-cold bitch.
As a mother, she was harsh. As a Supreme, she was absent, reckless and
then power-hungry. As a friend, she was reliable only when she needed some-
thing in return. As a mentor, she was selfish, and as a lover, calculated and de-
tached to the end.
Fiona’s only ally was herself.
She was ruthless, aggressive, dangerous and reckless. She knew what she
wanted and she did everything in her power to get it – but there is more to her
than meets the eye. Hidden underneath layers and layers and layers of catty re-
marks and terribly snide comments, there is a yin to the Supreme’s yang – a light
to her darkness; a soft side, if you will.
Constantly teetering between stereotypical Disney villain, cruel intentions
4 - Interview with BuzzFeed Staff Jamie Etkin – dated: Oct. 22, 2013; published on: http://www.buzzfeed.com/jaimieetkin/jessica-lange-ameri-can-horror-story-co-ven-leaving#18vv30o
and all, to Elphaba misunderstood Wicked Witch of the West gone wrong; Fiona
at her best is unpredictable.
Right after slicing her successor’s throat without blinking an eye, she sur-
prises us by reviving a stillborn baby. After promising her lover the world and
a lifetime, she leaves him for dead at the hands of her Coven. After telling her
daughter she is nothing but dead weight, she later tells her all the power has
been inside her all along. And when her daughter finally realizes that full power,
she tells her she has never been more proud; her voice a soft and tender when
with a heartbreaking smile, she whispers: “I loved you plenty though, just in my
own way.” And God knows we are floored.
There is no end to the complexities of Lange’s character, but one thing’s
for certain: a new breed of power is rising and Fiona Goode holds the reigns.
FIONA GOODE AND THE FEMALE UPRISING
Why we can’t help but love her despite all the bad and the ugly is surprising even
to me, but here is my theory:
There is something fascinating about power and a person who knows how
to wield it, a person who knows what she’s got and isn’t afraid to show it – espe-
cially if that person is a woman clad in four-inch Jimmy Choos, knows how to rock
a Balenciaga, and wears a killer grin-and-bear-it smile to boot.
In a predominantly male and patriarchal society – the rise of a female
power will make someone take a second look, all the more so if they have abso-
lutely no qualms about it. Take it from the likes of Buffy, Regina Mills, Hermione
Granger, and Katniss Everdeen: if a woman rises to power and relishes it, we no-
tice.
And here is a woman unafraid to shove a cigarette in her mouth and slap
cancer in the face; a woman who, days before she dies, is still plotting the murder
of her successor; a woman who, already thought dead, shows up at her daughter’s
doorstep to offer one final surprising heartfelt farewell. Of course, we noticed.
In Fiona Goode, we find the anti-thesis of the stereotypical submissive housewife.
She has the world at her fingertips and the gal to enjoy every second of it. Even
at her most vulnerable, she was an image of power and strength.
And for all that and so much more, she makes no apologies but we love
her all the same.
“I loved you plent though, just in my own way.” - Fiona Goode, Episode 12; American Horror Story, Coven
FULL ARTICLE - Femme Fatale // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
3/38
Like its predecessors, the third season of American Horror Story is refreshing in its
not-so-picturesque portrayal of the contemporary American society.
While the series borders on completely out-of-this-world-table-flip-face-
palm-eye-roll madness, it remains a force to be reckoned with. In its absurdity and
gore, it is brave – not that it is eye-opening or bold, but that it dares to be.
And for what it’s worth it – in the rubble that is the aftermath of what
American Horror Story tries to achieve, therein lies the show’s one true gem: Jes-
sica Lange’s Fiona Goode, “the best witch in town.”
In its absurdity and gore, it is brave – not that it is eye-opening or bold, but that it dares to be.
FULL ARTICLE - Femme Fatale // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
4/38
EXCERPTS - Tall Story // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
i. The year my friend RJ jumped off his roof was 2002.
He was ten. Only in the fourth grade and already the weight of the world
on his shoulders. Things were crazy at home. His parents were constantly arguing;
he was convinced a separation was inevitable. His brothers, instead of making
things easier made matters worse. When they should have acted as role models,
in his eyes they were all but responsible: one screw up after another with nothing
but a lack of remorse for their behavior.
Nothing was going right.
At ten years old, you could only take so much. All he knew was there was
a clear solution: climb up the roof of the house and jump right off. End it before
it gets worse.
He was barely hurt. No broken bones, no bleeding wounds, nothing. Just
a sore body, aching legs and more than anything, hurt pride. A lanky boy lying on
the pavement thinking, am I dead?; and then the familiar sound of his mother’s
voice calling him for lunch piercing through his imagined comatose.
iii....If lies were tangible things we put them in boxes, trying to figure out what to
feel about this lie. What to feel about this truth and why couldn’t the lie just have
been as real as we imagined it to be?
In the span of three hours, I was robbed of three years of what I thought to
be true. The image I had of him – the picture I’d painted in my head, the person
I’d grown to know was nothing more than just that.
There he was sitting across from me, the one boy I trusted entirely and I
thought to myself how unfortunate it is that I didn’t even know him.
TALL STORYAn attempt to find truth in the lies of a person I once thought I knew like the back of my hand. And of coming to terms with it–(if you can call it that)
HeIGHTS, “HIGH ON ART”, FeBRUARY 2014FIRST DRAFT WRITTeN NOVemBeR 2012
...and then the familiar sound of his mother’s voice calling him for lunch piercing through his imagined comatose.
5/38
EXCERPTS - Not Otherwise Specified // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
i. My mother told me that when I was born, the first thing I did was vomit blood.
I cried hysterically for months before they could figure out what was wrong
with me. She says the lining in my stomach was weak. Doctors tell her I have gas-
tro-esophageal reflux. My grandmother tells her it’s nothing. She’s a colicky baby;
it’s normal.
Statistics show that out of four million babies, 35% will have gastro-esoph-
ageal reflux (GERD) in their first year. The thing is, human beings are helpless and
some do not automatically adjust to their new living conditions. Science says not
to worry; she’s supposed to outgrow this.
As a first time parent, my mother didn’t know what to do with all the cry-
ing. Somehow, she’d conditioned my baby brain into thinking that the easiest
way to feel good was to let it all out, baby burp-vomits to make it all better.
iv.My best friend has a habit of squishing my arms when he sees me, making sure to
emphasize the loose skin from my once toned triceps, calling me fat. It’s his show
of affection – almost a greeting.
Every so often, exasperated, I tell him that if I ever get an eating disorder,
it’s his fault. We’ve rehearsed this exchange a million times, perfected it. I com-
plain. He laughs and tells me it’s impossible. I love food too much. I tell myself
he’s right.
When he’s around for our twice-a-month catch-up sleepovers, he brings
cake and ice cream and peanut butter kisses. He pays for our meals. He says it’s
because he has a new job, that it’s his way of giving back for having housed him
for almost our entire college life.
One night, while examining himself in front of my mirror, he asks if we
have a scale. I took out the batteries, I tell him. He doesn’t ask why.
NOT OTHERWISE SPECIFIEDThis essay is the aftermath of a time where coffee and yogurt were my only meals for the day; purging and exercising had become obsessions; and the unhealthy amount of weight I had lost was still not good enough
HeIGHTS, “SeNIOR’S FOLIO”, mARCH 2014FIRST DRAFT WRITTeN JULY 2013
My mother told me that when I was born, the first thing I did was vomit blood.
6/38
There was a time where that glass, digital weighing scale was my first thought of
the day. The first thing I did in the morning was stand on it, mentally taking note
of my “starting value”. If I were home and proximity allowed it, I’d run back to my
room just to check if I’d gained anything after every meal, stripping down to bare
essentials and sucking my stomach in every time I had to.
The weighing scale, now stashed away with the rest of my unused things,
used to sit comfortably in front of my mirror before I decided to remove the bat-
teries, before I decided to put it away.
Every time I had to check my reflection, it was impossible not to step on it.
The only way to get a good look at yourself was to take that step and to pray that
the numbers don’t go past 110.
I can’t recall the last time I stepped on a weighing scale. In my head, I call
that progress, but the truth is: I’m just scared.
vi. For a long time, the problem had always been elsewhere: my eyesight and the
sudden need to wear glasses, the fact that mom felt I was going to lose them
and would only purchase the ones that came with strings to wear around your
neck; my unfortunate penchant for nail-biting and absent-mindedly plucking
hair strands at the back of my head whenever I felt anxious; eyebrows that were
too thick; permanent teeth that started growing misaligned; the overbite that
seemed amplified every time I smiled; acne from the acne years; scars on my legs,
my arm, my chin, from childhood rough-housing that up until then I never once
felt the need to cover up.
Pants sizes, shirt sizes, cup sizes, shoe sizes – they all meant the same
thing to me: I was a growing kid. By the time I hit fourteen, I’d settled (un)com-
fortably into UK size four, Extra-Small-Small, 32A, 7 ½.
I would step in front of the mirror, and never really see that my eyes were
a bit smaller than usual because my cheeks were bloated; that my limbs were not
proportional to the rest of my body; that my stomach was extra pronounced.
These days, I try to look at myself and I can’t even notice anything else. My
gaze held by the girl standing before me – a figure over the years I have found I
no longer recognize. What you learn the hard way is that the longer you stare at
yourself, the bigger and more bloated you feel.
To combat this, you start to come up with excuses, reasons, spiels to jus-
tify your behavior. For example: the camera adds ten pounds.
I can’t recall the last time I stepped on a weighing scale. In my head, I call that prog-ress, but the truth is: I’m just scared.
EXCERPTS - Not Otherwise Specified // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
7/38
I say this to myself every time I sit in a dark room watching the first preview
of anything I act for. At photo-shoots, I hold my breath before I hear the click of
the camera and the shutters go off. Always desperately trying to make my eyes
look bigger, my face longer than it is. When I see bootlegs of a show I was a part
of, I cringe a little every time I come on screen.
Here – something I have never said out loud: my favorite part about do-
ing Spring Awakening was that the exhaustion I felt from playing Martha Bessel
manifested in my weight. A couple of months into rehearsals and I had dropped
back to 105. During our cast party, the day after closing night, my ex-boyfriend
gives me a congratulatory hug: the familiar squeeze, his hand lingering on my
waist. Feigned concern and all, he jokes: ang payat mo masyado, kumakain ka
ba? I take this as a compliment.
For all of the shows and films I have been a part of thus far, of myself this
much I’ve learned: the difficulty of acting is directly proportional to being able to
look at yourself in the mirror and being happy with what you see.
How many times do they have tell you: the size of your body is not equiv-
alent to your self worth? What they don’t say is that the bigger you are, the more
room there is to hate yourself.
#1: The camera adds ten pounds. #2: The symptoms of peptic ulcer in-
clude: abdominal pain, nausea, copious vomiting, bloating, weight loss, loss of
appetite. #3: It isn’t an eating disorder if you don’t force yourself to vomit. #4: You
can’t skip meals. You have an ulcer. #5: Running will keep you alive. When your
lungs feel like they’re on fire and your calves are shaking, you’re doing something
right.
I learned to beat asthma this way.
How many times do they have to tell you: the size of your body is not equivalent to your self worth? What they don’t say is that the bigger you are, the more room there is to hate yourself.
EXCERPTS - Not Otherwise Specified // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
8/38
SCRIPTSHeRe AND THeReAFTeRINVISIBLe mONSTeRSmImeSISUGOY NG DUYANPLDT AVP ReCRUITmeNT INFOmeRCIALSUmmeRCAmP THe mUSICAL
EXCERPTS - Here and Thereafter // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
HERE & THEREAFTERAn original musical about coping with the death, from the perspective of the one who had left
CO-WRITTeN WITH TONY S. BATTUNGFIRST DRAFT WRITTeN OCTOBeR 2013
10/38
INVISIBLE MONSTERSWe were asked to create a one-minute film with the prompt: Searching for Inspiration, this was the outcome of that
WRITTeN, DIReCTeD AND PRODUCeD FOR FeATURe FILm DIReCTING CLASS
EXCERPTS - Invisible Monsters // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
12/38
EXCERPTS - Mimesis: A Series of Short Films // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
MIMESIS: A SERIES OF SHORT FILMSThis series of short films are based on true stories of one’s struggle with mental illness, of art imitating life. This script was based on the story of Interviewee #4
WRITTeN, DIReCTeD AND PRODUCeD FOR UNDeRGRADUATe THeSIS (AB COm)
13/38
EXCERPTS - Mimesis: A Series of Short Films // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
MIMESIS: A SERIES OF SHORT FILMSThis series of short films are based on true stories of one’s struggle with mental illness, of art imitating life. This script was based on the story of Interviewee #1
WRITTeN, DIReCTeD AND PRODUCeD FOR UNDeRGRADUATe THeSIS (AB COm)
14/38
EXCERPTS - Mimesis: A Series of Short Films // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
MIMESIS: A SERIES OF SHORT FILMSThis series of short films are based on true stories of one’s struggle with mental illness, of art imitating life. This script was based on the story of Interviewee #2
WRITTeN, DIReCTeD AND PRODUCeD FOR UNDeRGRADUATe THeSIS (AB COm)
15/38
EXCERPTS - Ugoy ng Duyan // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
UGOY NG DUYANThis short film is about a family who struggle with living with an OFW for a mother
WRITTeN, DIReCTeD AND PRODUCeD FOR FeATURe FILm DIReCTING CLASS
16/38
PLDT AVP RECURITMENT INFOMERCIALThis was written as part of PLDT’s New Recruitment Campaign;
WRITTeN, DIReCTeD AND PRODUCeD FOR PLDT; mAY 2013
EXCERPTS - PLDT AVP Recruitment Infomercial // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
18/38
EXCERPTS - Summer Camp: the Musical // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
SUMMER CAMP: THE MUSICALA stage adaptation of the movie, Camp, written, produced and directed for Ateneo Blue Repertory’s 2012 Newbie Production
CO-WRITTeN WITH ALDRICH ALCANTARAmAY 2012, STAGeD: SePTemBeR 2012
19/38
TAHANANexCeRPTS FROm THe eSSAYS I WROTe FOR mY CReATIVe WRITING NON-FICTION THeSIS:
AN ORIGIN STORYOF HOme, IN FRAGmeNTSNOT OTHeRWISe SPeCIFIeDTHe ONe WITH THe GLASS DOOR
EXCERPTS - An Origin Story // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
I come from a marriage between the arts and the military.
Imagine what that was like growing up.
Every night was a mini staging of The Three Little Pigs, your mother’s
voice changing with every character – the narrator, the big bad wolf, the practical
eldest pig – your blankets served as the only protection from the huff and the puff
and the blow your house down.
If dad was home early, you fall asleep to stories of love letters from a man
who courted his wife from afar, romanticized memories of his days inside the
academy – how he would sneak out during the weekends, risking punishment just
to see her face; what it felt like to hold a gun in his hand for the first time, what it
felt like to fire it.
You wake up to humming, your mother’s voice ringing in your ears. Every
corner of the house decorated with sculptures of angels, of chipped wings and
Jesus; paintings of Maria Makiling, the mountain shaped as beautiful virgin; po-
ems disguised as love letters and sketches of a childhood so vividly remembered.
Your home is her private gallery, save for that little corner in the house, behind the
door, where your father left his guns.
AN ORIGIN STORYI come from a beautiful marriage of the arts and the military, a product of growing up with a pen in one hand and a gun in the other.
FIRST DRAFT WRITTeN JULY 2013 FOR mY NON-FICTION WORKSHOP CLASS
I come from a marriage between the arts and the military. Imagine what that was like growing up.
22/38
EXCERPTS - Of Home, In Fragments // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
1.When my sister was six years old, her kindergarten teacher asked them to draw a
picture of home. My sister, not yet the artist that she was going to become, came
up with a sketch of a three-story house: six rooms, five bathrooms. In the drawing,
she included a family portrait: stick figures standing at the front door: Mama,
Papa, Ate Lara, Iya (Me) and two dogs standing beside my stick figure that looked
nothing like their breed. Above the squiggles that resembled something a little
bit like dogs: their names, Tiny and Jenny.
On her last day of school, when the teachers returned all the work the kids
have accumulated over the school year, my mom found the drawing amongst my
sister’s things.
“Why did you tell your teacher we had three floors and six rooms?”
I laughed when I heard it. “Maybe she counted the rooms in Los Baños.”
At the time, we lived in a townhouse, owned only one of the houses in
our compound: one-story, two bedrooms, a tiny garage for our two cars and two
dogs, one shared bathroom for everyone.
“I’m sorry, Mama,” my sister tells her. “I lied.”
2. I cannot recall the last time I spent Christmas in Manila. My parents are both from
the province and because of this, we have family to visit in the province during
the holidays.
Christmas Eve was spent with my mom’s side at my grandfather’s house in
Lucena, Quezon while Christmas Day was spent on the road to my father’s prov-
ince: Los Baños, Laguna. I don’t remember much about Christmas Day, but I have
always looked forward to Christmas Eve.
My older cousin and I acted as Santa’s little helpers, distributing choco-
lates, money and sweets to the Christmas socks that hung on the wall for all of
OF HOME, IN FRAGMENTSI spent years on the road, searching for the perfect place to call home–only to find it in the most unexpected of places
WRITTeN DeCemBeR 2013, AS PART OF THe FINAL mANUSCRIPT OF TAHANAN
I come from a marriage between the arts and the military. Imagine what that was like growing up.
23/38
my grandfather’s children and grandchildren. At midnight, my uncle would stomp
on the wooden stairs and my father would let out a resounding ho ho ho. We’d
run to the kids’ bedrooms and exclaim, “Santa was here. Hurry he’s upstairs, you
might miss him.”
When I was younger, I used to sleep in the guest room with my parents
and sister downstairs. When my brother was born and my grandmother died, I
was relocated to my grandfather’s room. He doesn’t sleep on his bed, prefers the
lazy boy so most days I have the room all to myself.
His bed is hard and the pillows are tough, unlike my foam mattress back in
Manila. There is a computer screen at the foot of his bed that he uses as a CCTV
monitor. When my brother asks me what it’s for, I tell him it’s so our grandfather
knows when the zombies are coming before they even get near the house. The
light from the screen is blue and it is keeps me awake while my eyes try to adjust
to the darkness. It is the only thing I see when I turn the lights out.
When I wake up on my grandfather’s bed, to the sounds of the kids play-
ing the piano – now slightly out of tune – and his loud, booming voice in the
morning, it’s as if I’d slept for months. Like I did not know the meaning of the word
tired.
Like I did not know the meaning of the word tired.
EXCERPTS - Of Home, In Fragments // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
24/38
EXCERPTS - Not Otherwise Specified // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
ii. As of 2011, experts have categorized four types of eating disorders.
The two most popular and officially recognized ones are anorexia nervosa
and bulimia nervosa. The other is the binge-eating disorder. Of the four, the one
unknown to most people is EDNOS: Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified.
EDNOS, not be confused with anorexia or bulimia, has symptoms of the two
combined. It’s easy to mistake one for the other or as a combination of the two.
Experts say the signs to watch out for are almost the same – but not quite. It’s
severe, but the key word is almost.
Watch out for people with distorted body images. People who restrict
eating or compensate by purging and/or too much exercise. It’s easy to fall into
the trap of mistaking these people for every other teenager on this planet. There
is a need to be wary of that.
Because the eating disorder is not widely recognized, people suffering
from EDNOS may not know that they are.
They aren’t always overweight; they aren’t always underweight. They don’t
intentionally vomit as often as those who are suffering from bulimia do; they starve
themselves on very rare occasions; sometimes the closest thing they get to it is
entertaining the thought.
On the surface, they are obsessed with eating healthy, sometimes putting
themselves on diets that are “doctor-approved”. More importantly, people suf-
fering from EDNOS always feel the need for exercise, but don’t necessarily follow
through with it. A person suffering from it could look as healthy as an athlete but
never really feel that way.
Recent studies show that in 2012, EDNOS has become one of the most
prominent eating disorders, occurring in people of all ages.
If left untreated, people suffering from EDNOS are at a risk of developing
long-term psychological and physical problems that are closely related to the
NOT OTHERWISE SPECIFIEDAs a part of the final manuscript of Tahanan, the essay tackles how my home life has effected my self-image, among others
FIRST DRAFT WRITTeN JULY 2013 FOR mY NON-FICTION WORKSHOP CLASS
A person suffering from it could look as healthy as an athlete but never really feel that way.
25/38
eating disorder to which their symptoms are closely related. Some of these long-
term effects include: irritability, self-loathing, anxiety and depression.
iii. You are 107 on a good day.
#1: When you wake up in the morning, everything is still. You get up from
bed and you stare at yourself in the mirror – nothing. Your heart is not pounding
fast against your ribcage and you don’t feel the need to rush to the bathroom be-
cause you can’t breathe. You ate too much the night before; there were too many
options you just had to try; it was your best friend’s birthday; you told yourself you
were going to burn it the next day – so what? The good news is, you don’t feel
anything.
#2: It’s eleven in the evening. Your running shoes are on the floor, the
sauna suit and cling wrap already laid out for use but you are already comfort-
able. You are already settled in your four-poster bed, watching the brand new
parakeets from your window, the ones your brother’s best friend gave him for his
birthday. The urge to run is dwindling.
#3: There is a pack of instant coffee on your desk and a glass of hot water
filled three-thirds from the rim that remain untouched. You don’t move from your
seat and proceed to work without coffee. You tell yourself coffee has high levels
of acid which means coffee is bad for your health. Coffee will have you rushing to
the toilet, half-regretting the fact that you had next to nothing else to eat. Coffee
will leave you with a bad taste in your mouth and a petrifying lack of remorse for
consciously choosing to have it that way, so you have none of it. You tell yourself
you don’t make room for the things that make you feel bad about yourself.
You are 107 on a good day. And by good day, I mean, ideally.
You are 107 on a good day. And by good day, I mean, ideally.
EXCERPTS - Not Otherwise Specified // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
26/38
EXCERPTS - The One with the Glass Door // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
You should know that instead of windows, I have a door.
It is made of tempered glass and is covered by beige and brown sinamay
curtains that match my bed sheets perfectly. My mother, when she semi-retired,
decided to be a homemaker – and for the record, at least in my opinion, she hap-
pens to be exceptional at everything she does.
My house is designed in such a way that my room is separated from the
main house by a courtyard. Grey marble and cobblestones, wooden panels, my
best friend the elliptical, a sandbox and a mini bamboo garden come between
the master’s bedroom and mine. To protect my mother’s courtyard, a sunroof was
built connecting the main house and mine in such a way that when you view the
house from above, it looks like one long sprawl of a bungalow.
I have mixed feelings about the sunroof because the light seeping through
my windoor is so terrible in the morning that some nights I have to fully draw my
curtains, making it impossible to wake up for class because then it’d be too dark.
My only consolation is that at night, when the curtains aren’t fully drawn, the
streetlights are so beautiful it’s hard to look away.
* * *I am sixteen and a half. It is summer. My girlfriend is lying beside me and I am
fat and happy and I refuse to be productive. My mother is busy with my younger
sister whose gymnastics career is suddenly on the rise and my dad is always at
work. No one is ever home enough to pay attention to me, and I delight in that.
We never leave my room, even when we have to.
I have memorized the cracks on my bedroom walls the same way I know
the freckles on her body like the back of my hand. I wake up to yellow and her
smile for what is my most unproductive summer to date and I think to myself that
this is what it’s supposed to feel like.
My room has become a sanctuary, holding our secrets the way a mother
THE ONE WITH THE GLASS DOOROf my relationship with my mother, who I was, and what it was like growing up with the girl behind the glass door
FIRST DRAFT WRITTeN mARCH 2013 FOR mY NON-FICTION SemINAR CLASS
I have memorized the cracks on my bedroom walls the same way I know the freckles on her body like the back of my hand. I wake up to yellow and her smile for what is my most unproductive summer to date and I think to myself that this is what it’s supposed to feel like.
27/38
holds her child.
That was the year I learned mothers are always right about these things,
even if they’re one year early in their accusations.
That was the year I decided it was okay to go against everything I thought
I knew.
* * *They say that you can hold memories outside of your brain.
Maybe they’re right. The things around you become part of who you are:
the walls know your secrets; the floorboards know that instead of turning right to
your room, you turn left and find comfort lying in bed with the boy who promised
you a lifetime and two dogs; the doors hear the whispers you say to your sister
the nights you get home way past curfew; the pillows know the stories behind
every tear you have ever cried.
My old room has been turned into a storage, housing boxes of my dad’s
old stuff, unopened cases of beer, mattresses that have never been used, gifts my
mom has no use for, drawers and shelves filled with things I did not want to throw
out but could not fit into my new room.
Every time I find myself in there, looking for something that once be-
longed to me, I cannot shake the feeling that once upon a time, eight years ago,
a little girl sat in that very room with a color palette in her hands, trying to decide
what color she should paint the first room she could ever call her own.
I am twenty years old. It’s twelve midnight, June 29, 2012: my mother’s 49th birth-
day. I just posted a series of photos I took of her over the summer and started the
dedication of by saying: to the girl who texts me lame jokes at one in the morning
(and also, my best friend).
She replies saying, “Thanks honey. The gift, ‘a daughter is a little girl who
grows up to be a friend’ was a wish. And the wish has come true.”
I get up from my chair and stand in front of my glass door. The light shifts
in the master’s bedroom and I watch as silhouettes dance against white curtains,
her shadow just as graceful as she. On the other side of the house, my mother
stops what she is doing, walks in front of her glass door, draws her curtains and
waves. I wave back, blow her a flying kiss and slide open my glass door. “Happy
Birthday, Ma! I love you!” She sticks her head out to say thank you then reminds
me to lock all doors before I go to bed.
That was the year I learned that if you wanted to, you could always try
again.
...I cannot shake the feeling that once upon a time, eight years ago, a little girl sat in that very room with a color palette in her hands, trying to decide what color she should paint the first room she could ever call her own.
EXCERPTS - Not Otherwise Specified // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
28/38
WORKFeATURe ARTICLeS FOR eASTGATe PUBLISHING:
THe WALLeD CITY–AFTeR DARKmR. CONSUNJI FeATURe ARTICLe (for my sT. Luke’s sTory)CHeKOV Re-mASTeReDReDISCOVeRING BOHOL
FULL ARTICLE - The Walled City–After Dark // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
A guest in every Filipino household is always treated to a welcome banquet, or
will not depart without a final hurrah. So, if you’re still thinking of ways to welcome
or send off your honored guest, why not whisk him or her away to the Walled City,
after dark?
We’re all too familiar with the allure of this historical landmark: the cob-
bled walkways, magnificent churches, stone palaces and sometimes, even the
guardia sibil that still walk around this city; but Intramuros at night is quite a spec-
tacle. Armed with the charm of a dim, flickering yellow light from a 19th century
lamppost, Old Manila at night tells a different story.
MANILA BAY SUNSET CRUISEBefore sundown, head on to the Cultural Center of the Philippines, board a lux-
urious ferry for dinner, and immerse yourself in the glorious Manila Bay sunset.
The Dinner Cruise sets sail at 5:30, 7pm and 9:30pm on weekdays and 5,
7 and 9 on weekends – but to make the most of this night out, I recommend the
sunset cruise at 5:30.
Enjoy a sumptuous Filipino dinner, topped with a uniquely Pinoy specialty:
buko pandan salad while cruising along Manila Bay. During this three-hour cruise,
you will be serenaded by a live local band, and near the end of the ride, you have
the option to request any song you want or if you’re feeling extra confident, feel
free to take the stage and perform alongside them.
THE BAYLEAF, AFTER SUNSETAfter Sunset, don’t call it a night just yet! Keep going to experience Old Manila
like no other.
At The Bayleaf Intramuros, a boutique hotel within the Walled City, you
have two post-dinner options to cap the night off.
If you’re craving for something sweet and Spanish, grab some coffee and
THE WALLED CITY–AFTER DARKHead on down to Intramuros and discover that Old Manila, after dark tells a different story.
eDITORIAL ASSIGNmeNT, mABUHAY mAGAZINe; WRITTeN mAY 2014
Armed with the charm of a dim, flickering yellow light from a 19th-century lamppost, Old Manila at night tells a different story.
30/38
churros at Ciocolatta Churros Café, located on the hotel’s ground floor. Open
daily (weekdays from 6am to 10pm, and weekends from 10am to 8pm); this café
serves a concoction of favorite European sweets from Danishes and croissants, to
churros and baked muffins (and for those who are still hungry, light sandwiches)
that are sure to tickle your tastebuds.
Those who aren’t up for coffee or a cozy tete-a-tete can go right up to
the hotel’s Penthouse and enjoy their Sky Deck View Bar instead. Happy Hour at
the bar is from 5:30-9 so go ahead and grab some drinks; or you can always just
sit down, relax and enjoy each other’s company. On weekends, this bar that also
doubles as a restaurant offers an extensive buffet, complete with live entertain-
ment. But that’s not yet the best thing about this Sky Bar: with the stars and the
city lights as backdrop, the Sky Deck View Bar offers an unobstructed, panoramic
view of the Manila skyline that is simply enchanting.
What better way to experience the good old Filipino camaraderie and
hospitality at its best than around Manila’s glorious past? – Only, this time, try it
after dark.
But that’s not the best thing about this Sky Bar: with the stars and the city lights as backdrop, the Sky Deck View Bar offers and unobstructed, panoramic view of the Manila skyline that is simply enchanting.
FULL ARTCILE - The Walled City–After Dark // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
31/38
FULL ARTICLE - Mr. Consunji // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
There is a glass display case at the center of the room housing a prototype of
yet another architectural design: a Japanese-inspired building – the trademark
pagoda, open, spacious hallways, tiny, very green, (very plastic) trees and a vast
landscape. To the right: a bookshelf lined with history books and several awards
spans the wall behind a brown desk topped with paperwork.
This is where Mr. Consunji sits comfortably and waits.
We walk into his office, expecting a formal interview but right away, we
find that we are wrong: Mr. Consunji is easy to talk to and has an impeccable
memory.
Before any questions are asked, he beats us to it; many years ago, he tells
us, his father was admitted at St. Luke’s. He doesn’t pause to collect his thoughts
– there is no moment for the recollection of memory, no dramatic effect. Not to
worry, we are assured, he left the hospital well and alive – then he jumps straight
into another story.
David M. Consunji, founder and CEO of DMCI Inc., is 93 years old. You’d
think that at that age, he would be at home, getting his well-deserved rest, catch-
ing up on some leisure reading, sipping a warm glass of tea – but every morning,
he gets out of bed, walks into his office and it’s business as usual.
The interview is casual: Mr. Consunji shares fond stories from his childhood at
Pandacan; running around the hallways of The Philippine General Hospital –
where his aunt, the first woman medical board passer, used to work – as a child;
he even talks about how he acquired (and regretfully sold) his very first cement
mixing machine.
When St. Luke’s Medical Center is finally brought up, the businessman
jokes: “Naligaw lang ako sa inyo!” Mr. Consunji has been a patient of St. Luke’s
Medical Center since 1996, when he was first referred and introduced to Dr. Ed-
mundo Ofilada, who in turn, has been treating him since. Armed with his trade-
MR. CONSUNJIAn interview with Mr. David M. Consunji, CEO of DCMI, proves that in all aspects of his life, he is relentless
FeATURe ARTICLe WRITTeN FOR “mY ST. LUKe’S STORY”, WRITTeN JUNe 2014
...but every morning, he gets out of bed, walks into his office and it’s business as usual.
32/38
mark humor and wit, he then tells us that the reason he keeps returning to St.
Luke’s is because of his doctor’s good looks. “Ang pogi-pogi niya kasi!”
“I don’t know why Mr. Consunji keeps returning to me,” admits Dr. Ofilada
humbly, “I’m not much of a high-profile doctor!” For the rest of the interview, Mr.
Consunji remains aloof, but it doesn’t take a lot to tell that he is most comfortable
around his doctor and that over the years, a relationship of mutual trust and ca-
maraderie has been developed. “Maybe, sir,” Dr. Ofilada jokes back, addressing
Mr. Consunji, “It’s because I’m a good listener.”
Whatever the reason, Dr. Ofilada tells us that Mr. Consunji is not only one
of his most loyal patients, but a supporter as well. Because Mr. Consunji feels so
strongly about Dr. Ofilada’s advocacy and project (providing oral and dental care
for kids with diabetes), he donated money to keep the foundation growing and
has been endorsing St. Luke’s since. He admits that he’s never been confined at
the hospital, but that his friends and his father have been. He then adds that they
were happy with the service they received and emphasized that they were taken
care of well.
With finality, Mr. Consunji ends the interview by saying: “I am diabetic.” – But
even in that aspect of his life, he is relentless.
Instead of working around his medical condition or using it as an excuse
to be handicapped, he takes charge of it – regularly checking his blood sugar lev-
els, taking the required dose of insulin; even going to America in order to study it
himself – mindfully, he goes the extra mile to keep his health in check.
“Having a medical condition should not be a hindrance to one’s success.
– With good care,” he adds, “[people] are able to change their lives.” – Here, we
see that Mr. Consunji is living proof.
With finality, Mr. Consunji ends the interview by saying, “I am diabetic.” – But even in that aspect of his life, he is relentless.
FULL ARTICLE - Mr. Consunji // LARA LOUISE GABRIELLE L. ANTONIO
33/38
What happens when an esteemed and equally wealthy family’s lavish lifestyle puts
them in debt and forces them to sell their beloved estate? What would they be
willing to do, how far would they go? This, we find, is what Philippine Educational
Theatre Association (PETA)’s Arbol de Fuego – a Filipino adaptation of Anton
Chekov’s The Cherry Orchard – is about.
Cherie Gil comes in as Enriquetta (Rica) Jardeleza-Sofronio, the once-
wealthy matriarch who has just returned to her home after five years in Madrid.
Upon arrival, she finds that because of her notorious spending, her family’s beau-
tiful estate lined by the infamous arbol de fuego is nothing like it once was during
its heyday.
Enter Nonoy Tiking. Played by Raffy Tejada, Nonoy Tiking was born to a
family of household servants who have served the Jardeleza estate for genera-
tions. During Rica’s time in Madrid, he has become a wealthy businessman. Now
belonging to the nouveau rich, he attempts to help keep the Jardelezas from
falling into ruin. But his ideas are too liberal: cut down the beloved arbol de fuego
and sell parts of the property – sacrifices both Rica and her brother, Adjie (Jake
Macapagal), are unwilling to make.
The rest of the play is a back and forth. With the siblings squandering
what is left of their money and the rest of the ensemble trying to get them to
stop, it slowly becomes a tug of war between light and dark, tragedy and com-
edy. In the end, because they are unable to adjust to the changing times, the
Jardelezas do not get to save the estate. It is a bittersweet farewell – a poignant
end to the hacienda they have all loved for so long.
Despite the difficulty of the material, Loy Arcenas (director) and Rody Very
(playwright) were able to turn the Chekovian classic into a Filipino masterpiece of
their own. Vincent de Jesus’ sound design was also equally commendable and if
anything, those things alone could’ve easily made Arbol de Fuego the hit that it
was. But to give credit where it’s due: the play’s success is also a product of the
CHEKOV RE-MASTEREDA review of PETA’s Arbol de Fuego
FeATURe ARTICLe WRITTeN FOR mABUHAY mAGAZINe, PUBLISHeD mAY 2015
But his ideas are too liberal: cut down the beloved arbol de fuego and sell parts of the property – sacrifices both Rica and her brother, Adjie (Jake Macapagal), are un-willing to make.
34/38
masterful portrayals of its actors. In the end, when you finally see the cherry blos-
soms fall to the ground for one last time, you feel a striking pain in the pit of your
stomach you can only surmise is grief.
Arbol de Fuego was a stunning display of Filipino talent and equally bril-
liant storytelling packed with a rollercoaster of emotions that we were happy to
have witnessed – a fitting close to the tour de force that was PETA’s 47th season.
In the end, when you finally see the cherry blossoms fall to the ground for one last time, you feel a striking pain in the pit of your stomach you can only surmise is grief.
35/38
I am on an outrigger boat that is floating in the middle of the Abatan River. Every-
thing is pitch black. Except for the occasional splash from the boatmen paddling
down the river, there is practically no noise at all.
One of my companions, a photographer, has her gear ready. The tripod
is in place and the boatmen are rowing slowly, slowly, slowly. “A little bit back-
ward,” she calls out, and they follow, careful not to disturb the stillness of the
waters. I wonder if there are crocodiles here. My thoughts start to drift towards
the half-sunken mangroves—I can’t see much, only their silhouettes against the
backdrop of the full moon.
This is my last night in Bohol, I remember thinking. Show us the fireflies.
Bohol, Again
That was not my first time in Bohol. And yet, no matter how many times I return, I
still find myself captivated by the province’s diversity, heritage, and natural
beauty.
If you’re planning a trip to Bohol, here are five things to try:
1. A River Reinvented
A countryside tour of Bohol would not be complete without the Loboc River
Cruise–but for those of you who are thinking “been there, done that,” here’s
another option. Instead of taking the usual tour, book a private one. This way,
you get to see the river at your own pace and can request for the food to be
prepared to your liking. Choose to get your hands dirty and eat on traditional
banana leaves, with no utensils, boodle fight style. Loboc River at night also tells
a different story; book a night tour to have the stars as your backdrop while you
dine along the river. Call up CCT.168 travel & tours (+632 6386721) and they’ll take
REDISCOVERING BOHOLKnown for its heritage churches, Chocolate Hills, and resident tarsier, here’s how to add a twist to this island’s iconic attractions.
FeATURe ARTICLe WRITTeN FOR mABUHAY mAGAZINe, PUBLISHeD JUNe 2015
“A little bit backward,” she calls out, and they follow, careful not to disturb the stillness of the waters. I wonder if there are crocodiles here. My thoughts start to drift towards the half-sunken mangroves—I can’t see much, only their silhouettes against the backdrop of the full moon.
36/38
The small island has white sand, warm blue waters and a marine sanctuary decked with untouched coral reefs, and rainbow-colored fishes.
care of everything. Just book in advance.
For the more adventurous traveler: Aside from dining along Loboc River, why not
paddleboard your way through it? This gives you an opportunity to get up close
and personal with the rich biodiversity of Bohol, and get to tick boarding in style
off your bucket list at the same time. suptoursphilippines.com/bohol
2. Flying Over Chocolate Hills
Bohol has always been famous for its churches, but since the 7.2 magnitude earth-
quake in 2013, most of the churches were destroyed and some of them are still
left in ruin. Today, the ruins give Bohol another charm all on its own. Like a scene
straight out of a Tomb Raider movie, visitors must step over ruins or walk through
hallways containing relics that survived the damage. At the end of these tours,
don’t forget to help restore the churches by dropping whatever you can spare in
a donation box by the entrance.
3. Ruins and Restoration
Bohol has always been famous for its churches, but since the earthquake in 2013,
most of the churches were destroyed and some of them are still left in ruin. While
it is a shame that the cobblestones and the coral walls are now either completely
gone, or barely there, the ruins give Bohol another charm all on its own. Now,
touring these churches is an experience in itself–you have to step over ruins or
walk through a hallway where walls have fallen apart. Makes you feel more like
you’ve walked into a war-zoneor a scene from a post-apocalyptic movie. Eerie but
definitely recommended.
4. Dolphins and Beyond
Famous for dolphin watching, Pamilacan Island is about 45 minutes by boat from
Panglao Island. On good days, the boatmen say that dolphins chase the boats,
flipping about to catch the passengers’ attention. Unfortunately, when I went,
the dolphins didn’t make an appearance but I discovered that Pamilican Island
still has more to offer. This small island has white sand, warm blue waters, and a
marine sanctuary decked with untouched coral reefs and rainbow-colored fishes.
During my swim, I was even lucky enough to see a swarm of sardine clumped 37/38
During those forty-five minutes, especially on a cold night, you will get to catch the fireflies light up the Abatan River’s mangroves like Christmas lights.
together forming one giant ball. Tip: only paddleboats are allowed, so you have
to inform the boatmen if you want to snorkel so they can prepare your gear. From
there, you can easily head to Balicasag Island for diving, and the Virgin Island
Sandbar for some good old beach bumming.
5. Chasing Fireflies
Do you remember that scene in James Cameron’s movie Avatar? Where the tree
of life starts glowing with souls? Bohol has its own version of that scene: an entire
river’s worth. To see it, head over to the town of Maribojoc and visit theAbatan
Welcome Center. The tour operators will take you down the river on a motorized
sampan. During those forty-five minutes, especially on a cold night, you will get
to catch the fireflies light up the Abatan River’s mangroves like Christmas lights.
For that reason alone, this has become my favorite attraction in Bohol. A friendly
reminder: don’t forget to wear mosquito repellant.
Apart from my top five experiences, there are more reasons to revisit Bohol, such
as going on an evening tour at the Tarsier Sanctuary, where you have a chance to
see these nocturnal creatures awake and in action. You can also visit one of the
few surviving Spanish era forts, the Punta Cruz Watchtower, at sunset; take a stroll
along the manmade Mahogany Forest, or simply bum it out on one of the island’s
beaches.
The options are endless—you just have to discover them for yourself.
Where to Eat:
One of the local’s favorites, Mangga Market offers the experience of shopping for
your own fresh, raw seafood, then having it cooked at a nearby carinderia (local
eatery)—grilled, steamed, fried, you choose.
Where to Stay:
For both nature and comfort, book a stay at BlueWater Panglao. Located at Da-
nao, Panglao Island, the resort’s architecture was designed to work around and
with nature, giving you a beachfront resort with a landscape that follows Bohol’s
natural topography. While you’re there make sure to try their signature Amuma
Spa, and their numerous island activities from beach volleyball, to snorkeling,
kayaking, island hoping and diving.38/38