LANGUAGE PAPER 1 - Aylestone School · 2020. 4. 6. · brilliant moonlight, my own footsteps marked where I had disturbed the long accumulation of dust. In the moonlight opposite

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LANGUAGE PAPER 1 Name:

Overview

1

Language Paper 1: Explorations in Creative Reading

and Writing

Focus Marks Timings AO

Reading the extract 15 minutes

Question 1 List 4 things… 4 marks 5 minutes AO1

Question 2 How does the writer use

language… 8 marks 10 minutes AO2

Question 3 How has the writer

structured… 8 marks 10 minutes AO2

Question 4 To what extent do you

agree? 20 marks 20 minutes AO4

Question 5 Descriptive/narrative

writing 40 marks 45 minutes AO5/6

One question paper

One insert containing

one extract from a

work of literary fiction

Assessment objective – these refer to different skills which are assessed in different questions

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Identify and interpret explicit/implicit information and ideas. Select and synthesis evidence AO1

•Pick out and understand pieces of information from the texts.

•Be able to read between the lines to identify explicit and implicit information.

•Collect and put together information from different texts.

Explain, comment on and analyse how writers use language and structure to achieve effects and influence readers, using relevant subject terminology to support their views

AO2•Explain how the writers use language and structure to achieve their purpose and influence reader.

•Be able to comment on how it makes the reader feel and what it makes them think of (connotations)

•Use technical terms to support your analysis of language and structure.

Compare writers’ ideas and perspectives, as well as how these are conveyed, across two or more textsAO3

•Identify different writers' ideas and perspectives.

•Compare the methods used by different writers to convery their ideas.

•Identify similarities and differences betweeen two texts.

Evaluate texts critically and support this with appropriate textual referencesAO4

•Critically evaluate texts, giving a personal opinion about how successful the writing is.

•Be able to establish an opinion and support statements made.

•Provide detailed evidence from the text to support your answer.

•Remember to use quotation marks accurately.

Communicate clearly, effectively and imaginatively, selecting and adapting tone, style and register for different forms, purposes and audiences. Organise information and ideas, using structural and grammatical features to support coherence and cohesion of texts

AO5

•Write texts which are clear and imaginative.

•Be mindful of purpose and audience.

•Adapt tone, style and form depending on purpose and audience.

•Use paragraphs.

•Organise your work in a logical, cohesive manner.

Candidates must use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures for clarity, purpose and effect, with accurate spelling and punctuation.AO6

•Use a wide range of vocabulary and sentence starters.

•Attempt to use ambitious vocabulary, suitable for the task.

•Think about the effect of specific sentence strutures and use them with purpose.

•Write accurately, focusing on spelling, punctuation and grammar

Question 1

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Question 1

This question will always ask you to list four things

from a specific part of the text.

Read again the…………………

List four things from this part of the text about……

[4 marks]

1. ___________________________________

___________________________________

2. ___________________________________

___________________________________

3. ___________________________________

___________________________________

4. ___________________________________

___________________________________

Write your answers here.

One thing/fact per number

The answers you give MUST come from

the part of the text mentioned here.

If you take information from a

different part, you will not get the

marks.

This will change depending on

the topic of the text.

Make sure your answers are

focused on this topic otherwise

you will not get the marks.

1 mark per

answer as

long as they

are from

the correct

section and

about the

specified

topic

You just

need to list

the facts.

You can use

quotations

or your own

words.

There is no

need to

explain your

answers.

Question 1

4

In this extract, Voldemort and his Death Eaters have joined together for the first

time since Voldemort’s return in a graveyard and Voldemort has challenged Harry

to a duel to the death.

A jet of green light issued from Voldemort’s wand just as a jet of red light

blasted from Harry’s – they met in mid-air – and suddenly, Harry’s wand was

vibrating as though an electric charge was surging through it; his hand had

seized up around it; he couldn’t have released it if he’d wanted to – and a narrow

beam of light was now connecting the two wands, neither red nor green, but

bright, deep gold- and Harry, following the beam with his astonished gaze, saw

that Voldemort’s long white fingers, too, were gripping a wand that was shaking

and vibrating.

Read again lines 17-23

List four things from this part of the text about the wands

[4 marks]

1. Voldermort’s wand shot out a ‘jet of green light.’

2. ‘Harry’s wand was vibrating as though an electric charge

was surging through it.’

3. Harry couldn’t release his hand.

4. The wands were brown and made of wood.

Answers 1-2 are perfect! They

are from the correct part and

focus on the topic, the wands.

Answer 3 isn’t about the wands.

Answer 4 is about the

wands but it isn’t in this

section.

Question 1 – practice questions

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NOW HAVE A GO AT QUESTION 1 YOURSELF.

WRITE YOUR ANSWERS INTO YOUR BOOK.

Great Expectations

We went into the house by a side door - the great front entrance had two

chains across it outside - and the first thing I noticed was, that the passages

were all dark, and that she had left a candle burning there. She took it up, and

we went through more passages and up a staircase, and still it was all dark, and

only the candle lighted us.

This was very uncomfortable, and I was half afraid. However, the only thing to

be done being to knock at the door, I knocked, and a voice from within said to

enter. I entered and found myself in a pretty large room, well lighted with wax

candles. No glimpse of daylight was to be seen in it. It was a dressing-room, as I

gathered from the furniture, though much of it was old-fashioned. But

prominent in it was a draped table with a gilded looking-glass, and that I made

out at first sight to be a fine lady's dressing-table.

List four details we are given about the house

Dracula

I was afraid to raise my eyelids, but looked out and saw perfectly under the

lashes. The girl arched her neck she actually licked her lips like an animal, till I

could see in the moonlight the moisture shining on the scarlet lips and on the

red tongue as it lapped the white sharp teeth. Lower and lower went her head as

the lips went below the range of my mouth and chin and seemed about to fasten

on my throat. Then she paused, and I could hear the churning sound of her

tongue as it licked her teeth and lips, and could feel the hot breath on my neck.

Possible Answers:

‘Jet of green light issued from Voldermort’s wand.’

‘Jet of red light blasted from Harry’s’ wand.

‘Harry’s wand was vibrating as though an electric charge was surging through it.’

‘A narrow beam of light’ connected the two wands.

The beam of light was ‘neither red nor green, but bright, deep gold.’

Voldermort’s wand was ‘shaking and vibrating.’


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Then the skin of my throat began to tingle as one’s flesh does when the hand

that is to tickle it approaches nearer—nearer. I could feel the soft, shivering

touch of the lips on the super-sensitive skin of my throat, and the hard dents of

two sharp teeth, just touching and pausing there. I closed my eyes in a

languorous ecstasy and waited—waited with beating heart.

List four actions of the young women.

To Kill a Mockingbird

I thought mad dogs foamed at the mouth, galloped, leaped and lunged at

throats, and I thought they did it in August. Had the dog behaved thus, I would

have been less frightened. Nothing is more deadly than a deserted, waiting

street. The trees were still, the mockingbirds were silent, the carpenters at

Miss Maudie's house had vanished.

List four things the narrator thought about the mad dogs.

Frankenstein

How can I describe my emotions at this catastrophe, or how delineate the wretch

whom with such infinite pains and care I had endeavoured to form? His limbs were

in proportion, and I had selected his features as beautiful. Beautiful! Great God!

His yellow skin scarcely covered the work of muscles and arteries beneath; his

hair was of a lustrous black, and flowing; his teeth of a pearly whiteness; but

these luxuriances only formed a more horrid contrast with his watery eyes, that

seemed almost of the same colour as the dun-white sockets in which they were

set, his shrivelled complexion and straight black lips.

List four things about the creature’s appearance.

Regeneration

He had first trench watch. He gulped a mug of chlorine-tasting tea, and then

started walking along to the outermost position on their left. A smell of bacon

frying. In the third fire bay he found Sawdon and Towers crouched over a small

fire made out of shredded sandbags and candle ends, coaxing the flames. He

stopped to chat for a few minutes, and Towers, blinking under the green

mushroom helmet, looked up and offered him tea. A quiet day, he thought, walking


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on. Not like the last few days, when the bombardment had gone on for seventy

hours, and they’d stood-to five times expecting a German counter-attack. Damage

from the bombardment was everywhere: crumbling parapets, flooded saps,

dugouts with gagged mouths.

List four things from this part of the text about what the man is doing.

Dracula

I was not alone. The room was the same; I could see along the floor, in the

brilliant moonlight, my own footsteps marked where I had disturbed the long

accumulation of dust. In the moonlight opposite me were three young women. I

thought at the time that I must be dreaming when I saw them, for, though the

moonlight was behind them, they threw no shadow on the floor. They came close

to me, and looked at me for some time, and then whispered together. Two were

dark, and had beak-like noses, like the Count, and great dark, piercing eyes that

seemed to be almost red when contrasted with the pale yellow moon. The other

was fair, as fair as can be, with great wavy masses of golden hair and eyes like

pale sapphires. All three had brilliant white teeth that shone like pearls against

their ruby lips.

List four things about the young women’s appearance.

Checklist

Are your answers:

From the text provided?

Focused on the topic given?

In your own words/using quotations?

o Quotation marks?

REMEMBER: 1 point = 1 mark

Question 2

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Question 2

This question will always focus on language.

You will need to think about how the

writer uses language to achieve effects

and influence the reader.

Look in detail at lines…………of the source.

How does the writer use language to……….

You could include the writer’s choice of:

Words and phrases

Language features and techniques

Sentence forms

[8 marks]

These bullet points are there to help focus your answer. You need to ensure

you use technical terms to describe the language

Make sure you only look at this section.

They will give you the extract on this

page so there is no need to go back to

the main extract.

The extract will be given to you here – use

it!

Use a highlighter to identify your

evidence.

Annotate it with some of your inferences.

The focus

changes

depending

on the

extract

This

question

asks you

‘how’ the

writer does

something

so you will

need to

think about

the

methods

they use

and the

effect they

have.

Part of the extract you need to focus on

Go to the

next page

to see how

your answer

will be

marked.

Question 2

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Level 4

7-8 marks

Perceptive,

detailed analysis

In depth and insightful analysis of language. Specific

and carefully chosen textual detail. Accurate use of

subject terminology and detailed analysis of the

effect of the language chosen.

Level 3

5-6 marks

Clear, relevant

explanation

A selection of relevant language is clearly explained.

Clear explanations of the writer’s choice and the

effect of the language. Clear and accurate use of

subject terminology.

Level 2

3-4 marks

Some

understanding and

comment

Some attempt to comment on the effect of the

language and identification of features. Some

appropriate textual references with mainly

appropriate subject terminology.

Level 1

1-2 marks

Simple, limited

comment

Selection of simple references with simple comment

on why the language is used. Limited understanding of

the text with occasional use of subject terminology.

How do you analyse language?

The question will you give you some bullet points which you could use

to guide your answer:

Words and phrases


Sentence forms

Question 2

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Words and phrases

Word type Definition

Noun Naming words that might refer to a person, place, thing or idea

Pronoun A word used to replace a noun e.g. She, he, it, them.

Concrete noun a noun that is a physical or material object e.g. dog, building, tree

Abstract noun a noun that is an idea, quality, or state rather than a concrete object, e.g. truth,

danger, happiness

Possessive

pronoun

A pronoun which shows ownership of something e.g. His, hers, my

Adjectives Describe a noun or pronoun

Verbs Action/doing words

Adverbs Words which give extra information or describe a verb

Imperative Commanding words/bossy words

Semantic field Words which are associated with a theme or topic

Connotations – the impression that a word gives or what you

associate with a certain word or phrase.

Island

d

Paradise

Adventure

Loneliness

Isolation

White

Innocence

Purity Heaven

Emptiness

New Cleanliness

Tropical

Even though you need to show an

understanding of subject terminology,

there is no point in just pointing out

and naming a word type.

You need to analyse the effect of the

word/phrase and think about why it

has been used and the impression it

creates.

Surrender Sterile/clinical Community

Question 2

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I chuckled when she fell over.

I sniggered when she fell over.

Perhaps it was the wild look in my eye as I circled the ring.

As a whole sentence, the underlined words give a sense of entrapment because of

their connotations. Each word has negative connotations attached that follow the

theme of this protagonist not being able or allowed to leave.

Both words mean laughed but ‘sniggered’ has nastier

connotations, like the writer is making fun of the girl.

Never-ending, an animal circling its prey,

making a mark, going round and round

because they don't know what else to do.

Untamed, animalistic, natural, out of

control, angry, wildlife, energetic.

Never-ending circle, trapped,

surrounded on each side,

wedding ring, boxing ring,

auction ring, shrill noise.

Question 2

12


Feature Definition

Alliteration When 2 or more words, which are close together, start with the same

letter.

Colloquial language Informal language that sounds like ordinary speech. Commonly used in

conversation.

Emotive language Language that has an emotional effect on the reader and makes them

feel a certainty e.g sadness, anger.

Hyperbole The use of extreme exaggeration.

Irony Saying one thing but meaning the opposite, like sarcasm.

Juxtaposition Two ideas that contrast each other.

Metaphor Describing something by saying it is something else.

Onomatopoeia Sound word – imitates the sound it describes.

Oxymoron Contradictory terms together.

Personification Giving human characteristics to something that is non-human.

Repetition When a word, phrase or idea is deliberately repeated.

Rhetorical question A question which doesn't need an answer. Can pose more questions for

a reader.

Rule of three A number of connected items or words – commonly adjectives.

Simile Describing something ‘as’ or ‘like’ something else.

Symbolism An idea which is reflected by an object or character.

Pathetic fallacy a type of personification where emotions are given to a setting, an

object or the weather.

Foreshadowing be a warning, clue or indication of (a future event).

Sensory Imagery any description that involves one or more of the five senses -- touch,

sight, taste, smell and sound.

Pathetic fallacy 1. the attribution of human feelings and responses to inanimate things or

animals, especially in art and literature.

Protagonist the leading character or one of the major characters in a novel

Sibilance making or characterized by a hissing sound, ‘s’ and ‘sh’

Preposition 1. Shows where something is in place or time e.g. under, behind

Dialogue conversation between two or more people

Question 2

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Sentence forms

Sentence type Definition

Clause Part of a sentence that has a subject and verb.

Independent clause – makes sense on their own.

Dependant clause - does not make sense on its own and

relies on a connective and independent clause.

Simple sentence A sentence with one main clause – it makes sense on its own.

Compound

sentence

A sentence with multiple independent clauses, linked with a

connective.

Complex sentence A sentence with one independent clause and at least one

dependent clause linked by a subordinating connective.

Short sentence Quickens the pace of the text. Might imitate the

characters actions or feelings e.g scared

Long sentence Slows the pace of the text, especially when listing.

Imperative

sentence

Gives a command or makes a request.

Interrogative

sentence

Asks a question.

Question 2

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What do we learn about?

What is implied?

What is the writer trying to show us?

How does the evidence from the text show you

this?

How do the key words create this idea?

How do the writer’s methods create meaning?

Why might the reader react in a certain way?

Why is the writer showing us this now?

Why is this similar or different to other

moments?

[Author] presents the idea that…

[Technique] demonstrates…

[Author] uses a [technique] to…

The [word class] suggests…

The language pattern created shows…

It makes the reader question the motives of…

It enables the reader to relate to…

It illustrates the feelings of…

It evoked curiosity from the reader because…

It links to the earlier event in the text because…

Question 2

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In this extract, the narrator is part of a crowd surrounding the unknown

cylinders, which have just arrived on Earth.

A sudden chill came over me. There was a loud shriek from a woman behind. I

half turned, keeping my eyes fixed upon the cylinder still, from which other

tentacles were now projecting, and began pushing my way back from the edge of

the pit. I saw astonishment giving place to horror on the faces of the people

about me. I heard inarticulate exclamations on all sides. There was a general

movement backwards. I found myself alone, and saw the people on the other

side of the pit running off, Stent among them. I looked again at the cylinder,

and uncontrollable terror gripped me. I stood petrified and staring.

How does the writer use language to describe how the narrator feels?


• words and phrases

• language features and techniques

• sentence forms.

[8 marks]

Step by step guide: 1. Read the extract through.

2. Read the question and highlight the key words:

How does the writer use language to describe how the narrator feels?

3. Read back through the extract, highlighting words, phrases and features which link

to the question.

4. Choose 3 quotes which you can write a lot about – remember to write a lot about a

little.

Think about:

What is actually written

What it actually means

What can be implied

The connotations of the word/phrase

The effect of the word/phrase/technique

5. Remember to use What/How/Why to formulate your answer

Don’t just technique spot – you must explain the technique, why the writer chose to

use it and the effect it has on the audience.

If you aren’t sure of the correct terminology, use ‘the word’ or ‘the phrase.’

Let’s look at an example annotation of this extract.

Question 2

1

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A sudden chill came over me. There was a loud shriek

from a woman behind. I half turned, keeping my eyes

fixed upon the cylinder still, from which other

tentacles were now projecting, and began pushing my

way back from the edge of the pit. I saw astonishment

giving place to horror on the faces of the people about

me. I heard inarticulate exclamations on all sides.

There was a general movement backwards. I found

myself alone, and saw the people on the other side of

the pit running off, Stent among them. I looked again

at the cylinder, and uncontrollable terror gripped me.

I stood petrified and staring.

Short sentences –

mimics how quickly

the narrator is

breathing because

they are scared.

Emphasises the

lack of time they

have before

something bad is

going to happen.

Speeds up the

action – short,

sharp blasts which

focus on

movement.

Unable to move –

scared stiff.

Petrified – extremely

scared, nothing else

you can do.

Staring – out of

shock, confusion or

amazement?

Personification – terror is not a human so cannot grip.

Uncontrollable- involuntary, narrator doesn’t want this to

happen but has no choice.

Terror – violence, something terrible

Gripped – physical, hurting someone, trying to protect them?

Terror could be trying to protect the narrator from the

cylinder by ‘gripping’ him and making him stand still.

No-one left to

help him.

Leaves him

vulnerable and

open to attack.

He is the sole

target for the

cylinder.

Sudden – no prior warning, an immediate action

Chill – cold, scared, eerie, someone walking over your grave – death.

Only mentions the narrator – is he separated, the only one feeling it?

Pushing –

physical action,

trying to get

away from

something/some

one. He isn’t

comfortable

with the

situation so

pushing away

from it.

Edge of the pit –

sense of danger,

if he doesn’t

push back he

could fall in.

Won’t let the

cylinder leave

his sight – too

fascinated? Too

scared?

It is an

unpredictable

object.

Question 2

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How does the writer use language to describe how the narrator

feels?



Strong verbs which convey fear – ‘petrified and staring.’

‘Sudden chill.’

‘pushing my way back from the edge of the pit.’

‘I found myself alone.’


Personification – ‘uncontrollable terror gripped me.’

• sentence forms.

Short sentences – ‘ I stood petrified and staring.’

Throughout the extract, the isolation and terror of the protagonist

is demonstrated through the use of first person narration. The

narrator’s fear is culminated in the final, short sentence: ‘I stood

petrified and staring.’ This provides the reader with the idea that

he is scared because he is frozen to the spot, unable to move,

staring solely at the creature. The use of the

single pronoun ‘I’ implies that the narrator is

alone; there is no-one else around him to save

or help him. The effect of this is that

it gives the impression the narrator is

isolated from the rest of the group so

therefore vulnerable and open to

attack. His vulnerability is also

highlighted in the verb ‘stood’ because he is

unmoving and literally ‘scared stiff.’ The

connotations of the adjective ‘petrified’ are

that someone has seen or experienced something so horrific that

they are scared and unable to carry on. It gives the impression that

what this person has witnessed is unbelievably terrible. This idea is

confirmed with the use of the final verb, ‘staring.’ There are mixed

Question 2

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connotations of the verb as it poses more questions for the reader;

is the narrator staring out of shock, confusion or amazement?


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Mr. Hyde appeared to hesitate, and then, as if upon some sudden reflection,

fronted about with an air of defiance; and the pair stared at each other pretty

fixedly for a few seconds. “Now I shall know you again,” said Mr. Utterson.” It

may be useful.”

“Yes,” returned Mr. Hyde, “it is as well we have, met; and a propos, you should

have my address.” And he gave a number of a street in Soho.

“Good God!” thought Mr. Utterson,” can he, too, have been thinking of the

will?” But he kept his feelings to himself and only grunted in acknowledgment of

the address.

“And now,” said the other, “how did you know me?”

“By description,” was the reply.

“Whose description?”

“We have common friends, said Mr. Utterson.

“Common friends?” echoed Mr. Hyde, a little hoarsely.” Who are they?”

“Jekyll, for instance,” said the lawyer.

“He never told you,” cried Mr. Hyde, with a flush of anger.” I did not think you

would have lied.”

“Come,” said Mr. Utterson, “that is not fitting language.”

The other snarled aloud into a savage laugh; and the next moment, with

extraordinary quickness, he had unlocked the door and disappeared into the

house.

How does the writer use language to describe Mr Hyde?




• sentence forms.




20

There he lay, a vast red-golden dragon, fast asleep; thrumming came from his

jaws and nostrils, and wisps of smoke, but his fires were low in slumber. Beneath

him, under all his limbs and his huge coiled tail, and about him on all sides

stretching away across the unseen floors, lay countless piles of precious things,

gold wrought and unwrought, gems and jewels, and silver red-stained in the

ruddy light. Smaug lay, with wings folded like an immeasurable bat, turned partly

on one side, so that the hobbit could see his underparts and his long pale belly

crusted with gems and fragments of gold from his long lying on his costly bed.

Behind him where the walls were nearest could dimly be seen coats of mail,

helms and axes, swords and spears hanging; and there in rows stood great jars

and vessels filled with a wealth that could not be guessed. To say that Bilbo’s

breath was taken away is no description at all. There are no words left to

express his astonishment, since Men changed the language that they learned of

elves in the days when all the world was wonderful.

Bilbo had heard tell and sing of dragon hoards before, but the splendour, the

lust, the glory of such treasure had never yet come home to him. His heart was

filled and pierced with enchantment and with the desire of dwarves; and he

gazed motionless, almost forgetting the frightful guardian, at the gold beyond

price and count.

How does the writer use language to describe the dragon and the lair?




• sentence forms.

It was on a dreary night of November that I beheld the accomplishment of my

toils. With an anxiety that almost amounted to agony, I collected the instruments

of life around me, that I might infuse a spark of being into the lifeless thing that

lay at my feet. It was already one in the morning; the rain pattered dismally

against the panes, and my candle was nearly burnt out, when, by the glimmer of

the half-extinguished light, I saw the dull yellow eye of the creature open; it

breathed hard, and a convulsive motion agitated its limbs.

How does the writer use language to create a spooky atmosphere?




• sentence forms.


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And then – nothing could have prepared Harry for this – he felt his feet

lift from the ground. He and Voldemort were both being raised into the air, their

wands still connected by that thread of shimmering golden light. They were gliding

away from the tombstone of Voldemort’s father, and then came to rest on a patch

of ground that was clear and free of graves… The Death Eaters were shouting,

they were asking Voldemort for instructions; they were closing in, re-forming the

circle around Harry and Voldemort, the snake slithering at their heels, some of

them drawing their wands –

The golden thread connecting Harry and Voldemort splintered: though the

wands remained connected, a thousand more offshoots arched high over Harry

and Voldemort, criss-crossing all around them, until they were enclosed in a

golden, dome-shaped web, a cage of light, beyond which the Death Eater’s circled

like Jackals, their cries strangely muffled now…

‘Do nothing!’ Voldemort shrieked to the Death Eaters, and Harry saw his

red eyes wide with astonishment at what was happening, saw him fighting to break

the thread of light still connecting his wand with Harry’s; Harry held onto his

wand more tightly, with both hands, and the golden thread remained unbroken.

‘Do nothing unless I command you!’ Voldemort shouted to the Death Eaters.

How does the writer use language to create a tense atmosphere?




• sentence forms.


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She was dressed in rich materials - satins, and lace, and silks - all of white. Her

shoes were white. And she had a long white veil dependent from her hair, and

she had bridal flowers in her hair, but her hair was white. Some bright jewels

sparkled on her neck and on her hands, and some other jewels lay sparkling on

the table. Dresses, less splendid than the dress she wore, and half-packed

trunks, were scattered about. She had not quite finished dressing, for she had

but one shoe on - the other was on the table near her hand - her veil was but

half arranged, her watch and chain were not put on, and some lace for her

bosom lay with those trinkets, and with her handkerchief, and gloves, and some

flowers, and a prayer-book, all confusedly heaped about the dressing table

mirror.

I saw that everything within my view which ought to be white, had been white

long ago, and had lost its brightness, and was faded and yellow. I saw that the

bride within the bridal dress had withered like the dress she wore, and like the

flowers, and had no brightness left but the brightness of her sunken eyes. I

saw that the dress had been put upon the rounded figure of a young woman, and

that the figure upon which it now hung loose, had shrunk to skin and bone. Once,

I had been taken to one of our old marsh churches to see a skeleton in the

ashes of a rich dress, that had been dug out of a vault under the church

pavement. Now, that skeleton seemed to have dark eyes that moved and looked

at me. I should have cried out, if I could.

How does the writer use language to describe the woman?




• sentence forms.


23

The hallway smelt of boiled cabbage and old rag mats. At one end of it a

coloured poster, too large for indoor display, had been tacked to the wall. It

depicted simply an enormous face, more than a metre wide: the face of a man

of about forty-five, with a heavy black moustache and ruggedly handsome

features. Winston made for the stairs. It was no use trying the lift. Even at

the best of times it was seldom working, and at present the electric current

was cut off during daylight hours. It was part of the economy drive in

preparation for Hate Week. The flat was seven flights up, and Winston, who

was thirty-nine and had a varicose ulcer above his right ankle, went slowly,

resting several times on the way. On each landing, opposite the lift-shaft, the

poster with the enormous face gazed from the wall. It was one of those

pictures which are so contrived that the eyes follow you about when you move.

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU, the caption beneath it ran.

How does the writer use language to describe the communal hallway and

staircase?




• sentence forms.

Checklist

Do your answers:

Focus on language?

Have detailed explanations and analysis?

Explain the effect of the language on the reader?

Use correct subject terminology?

Use quotations from the text with quotation marks?

Question 3

24

Question 3

This question will always focus on structure.

You will need to think about how the

writer uses structure to achieve effects

and influence the reader.

You need to think about the whole of the source.

This text is from the ending of the novel.

How has the writer structured the text to hold the

reader’s attention?

You could write about:

What the writer focuses your attention on at

the beginning

How and why the writer changes this focus as

the extract develops

Any other structural features that interest

you. [8 marks]

This is the first question that you have

to look at the whole source.

You will still need to break it down and

look at specific paragraphs and

sentences.

The focus

changes

depending

on the

extract

You need to

think about

the

structural

techniques

that these

writer has

used to

produce a

desired

effect.

Go to the

next page

to see how

your answer

will be

marked.

This is where people get a bit confused, as they do not have as

much experience of analysing structure.

Use the glossary on the next couple of pages to help you.

Remember to use technical terms.

Question 3

25

Level 4

7-8 marks

Perceptive,

detailed

analysis

Analyses the effects of a range of

structural features in detail with

sophisticated and accurate use of technical

terminology. Use of a perceptive range of

examples from across the source.

Level 3

5-6 marks

Clear,

relevant

explanation

Clear explanation of the effects of the

structural features with technical

terminology used throughout. Suitable

examples are used and explained.

Level 2

3-4 marks

Some

understanding

and comment

Some explanation of some structural

features – not necessarily from the whole of

the source. Some technical terminology used

but may not be accurate. Some examples

used to support points.

Level 1

1-2 marks

Simple,

limited

comment

Basic comments on a few features – no real

focus on whole of source. Simple or no

mention of subject terminology, which may

also be inaccurate. Few, irrelevant examples

are used.

What is structure?

How authors internally organise a text.

“As authors write a text to communicate an idea, they will use a

structure that goes along with the idea.”

Meyer 1985

When looking at structure, you need to think about how the text is

written and what it looks like rather than focusing on the language

that is used.

Question 3

26

How do you analyse structure?

The question will you give you some bullet points which you could use

to guide your answer:

what the writer focuses your attention on at the beginning

how and why the writer changes this focus as the extract

develops

any other structural features that interest you.

Question 3

27

Structural features and techniques

Feature Definition

Atmosphere The mood or tone of the extract created deliberately by the writer.

Climax The most intense point in the extract.

Closing paragraph The final paragraph of the extract. Think about what the paragraph is about,

whether it links to any previous paragraphs and whether it had been

foreshadowed earlier in the extract.

Exposition The start where details are usually shared.

Flashback Past events are re-visited.

Foreshadowing A hint of what might happen in the future/events that are to come.

Motif A recurring idea in the extract – might be in the shape of a theme, object or

character.

Opening paragraph The start of the extract. Think about who is introduced, what we are told/not

told, the perspective and focus.

Paragraph One section of the extract, which can vary in length. You must start a new

paragraph for a new time, place, topic or person speaking. You might also want to

change a paragraph in order to:

Sustain: more of the same

Develop: add elaboration and variety to first idea.

Contrast: adopt a completely different perspective or position to move

the story forward.

Perspective Whose point of view is the extract from? What is there particular attitude

towards what is happening?

Setting Time and place where the events of the extract take place.

Shift A move or change in focus.

Tension A degree of emotional strain. Think about when the tension starts in the

extract and how it is developed.

Narrative styles

Linear Events are told in chronological order.

Non-linear Events do not occur in chronological order.

Dual Told from multiple perspective.

Cyclical Ends the same way that it begins – same perspective or idea.

Types of narrator

Omniscient narrator

(3rd person)

External narrator who has knowledge of the characters and their

feelings/emotions. Not named or present within the narrative.

1st person Told from a specific character’s perspective (I)

2nd person Directed to the reader (You)

Unreliable narrator The perspective that this narrator offers makes the reader question its

credibility and reasoning.

Question 3

28

AQA have provided the following jigsaw framework to help you think about the

structure of an extract – try to think about the 5 ws!

• The (narrative) perspective of the text (what?)

• The organisation and use of time (when?)

• The location and setting (where?)

• Characters and how they are introduced (who?)

• The different patterns within the text, and elements of syntax or

cohesion that help to create (reinforce) meaning (how?)

Because this question focuses on the whole of the extract, you will

need to talk about its overall structure rather than just focusing on

a specific part. Also, try to think about:

Paragraph level features – connections between them, length,

shifts in perspective and repetition.

Sentence level – you are not analysing the language of the

sentence but can comment on how varying the sentence lengths

add to the overall structure of the text.

Read the context box at the start of the extract as this might tell

you where the extract is positioned in the book – how does this

influence and effect the overall structure of it.

Question 3

29

Question 3: Structural Subject Terminology

Types of Narrator

Limited 3rd person External narrator with knowledge of one character’s feelings (he).

Omniscient 3rd person External narrator- knowledge of more than one character’s feelings (he).

1st person Told from a character’s perspective (I).

2nd person Directed to the reader (you).

Unreliable narrator When the perspective offered makes us question the narrator’s credibility.

Narrative Styles

Linear Events are told chronologically.

Non-Linear Events are not told chronologically.

Dual Told from multiple perspectives.

Cyclical Ends the same way it begins.

Explaining the Extract

Introducing An idea or character is first shown.

Focusing Our attention is aimed somewhere.

Building When an idea/tension is increased.

Developing An earlier point is extended.

Changing A shift is created for an event/idea.

Concluding Ideas/ events are drawn to a close.

Structural Techniques

Climax The most intense or decisive point.

Dialogue The lines spoken by characters.

Exposition The start where ideas are initiated.

Flashback (Analepsis) Presents past events.

Flash-forward (Prolepsis) Presents future events.

Foreshadowing Hints what is to come(can mislead).

Motif A recurring symbol in a story.

Resolution The answer or solution to conflict.

Setting A geographical/historical moment.

Spotlight Emphasis is placed on something.

Shift A switch or change of focus.

Tension The feeling of emotional strain.

Inciting incident When something happens to begin the conflict or action.

Rising action A series of events that build toward the point of greatest interest (climax).

Falling action The parts of a story after the climax and before the very end.

Antagonist Typically, the villain whose function is to create conflict for the protagonist.

Protagonist Main character in a narrative.

Perepeteia The ‘turning point’: often, a sudden reversal of fortune or a change in circumstances.

Anagnorisis Like an epiphanic moment, anagnorisis is the moment in a play when a character makes a sudden, critical realisation of his or her own situation.

Epiphany A sudden realisation; a new-found awareness of a situation.

Denouement Where any remaining secrets, questions or mysteries which remain after the resolution are solved by the characters or explained by the author.

Internal monologue/Soliloquy Where the narrative perspective shifts to become the inner thoughts of a character in fiction.

Simultaneity of experience Where two events are happening at the same time in a narrative.

Cliffhanger A dramatic ending to a story leaving the audience in suspense because questions haven’t been answered.

Question 3

30


This text is from the start of the novel.

How has the writer structured the text to hold the reader’s

attention?


What the writer focuses your attention on at the beginning

How and why the writer changes this focus as the extract

develops

Any other structural features that interest you.

Step by step guide:

1. Read the question and highlight the key words: How has the writer structured the text to hold the reader’s attention?

2. Read back through the extract, annotating the structural features. Focus

initially on:

Opening paragraph focus

Closing paragraph focus

Similarities between the opening and closing

Paragraph length – do any stand out because they are unusually

short/long?

Narrative perspective – is it the same/does it change?

Repetition of theme/objects/ideas/motif

Position of the extract in relation to the whole novel

3. Remember to What, How, Why to formulate your response.


Question 3

31

She backed up a few steps, then ran at the water. At

first her strides were long and graceful, but then a

small wave crashed into her knees. She faltered,

regained her footing, and flung herself over the next

waist-high wave. The water was only up to her hips, so

she stood, pushed the hair out of her eyes, and

continued walking until the water covered her shoulders.

There she began to swim - with the jerky, head-above-water stroke of the

untutored.

A hundred yards offshore, the fish sensed a

change in the sea's rhythm. It did not see the

woman, nor yet did it smell her. Running within the

length of its body were a series of thin canals,

filled with mucus and dotted with nerve endings,

and these nerves detected vibrations and signalled

the brain. The fish turned toward shore.

The woman continued to swim away from the beach,

stopping now and then to check her position by the

lights shining from the house. The tide was slack,

so she had not moved up or down the beach. But she was tiring, so she rested

for a moment, treading water, and then started for shore.

The vibrations were stronger now, and the fish recognized prey. The sweeps of

its tail quickened, thrusting the giant body forward with a speed that agitated

the tiny phosphorescent animals in the water and caused them to glow, casting a

mantle of sparks over the fish.

The fish closed on the woman and hurtled past,

a dozen feet to the side and six feet below the

surface. The woman felt only a wave of

pressure that seemed to lift her up in the water and ease her down again. She

stopped swimming and held her breath.

Feeling nothing further, she resumed her lurching stroke.

The fish smelled her now, and the vibrations - erratic and sharp - signalled

distress. The fish began to circle close to the surface. Its dorsal fin broke

water, and its tail, thrashing back and forth, cut the glassy surface with a hiss.

A series of tremors shook its body.

This paragraph instantly introduces us

to a character and what they are doing.

Some questions are left unanswered –

why did she back up initially? Why is

she in the water? What water is she in?

We also question why she is swimming if

she is ‘untutored’ – this might

foreshadow a future swimming accident.

The focus of the paragraph changes –

we now have the shark’s perspective.

The final sentence in the paragraph is

quite ominous, as we know the woman is

near the shore.

The tone of the extract has instantly

changed – in the first paragraph it was

just a woman swimming but now we see a

potential threat.

Start to see a theme of her position in

relation to the shore/house.

Mix of both woman and shark –

heightened tension as the shark is now

so close to the woman.

Woman Shark

Very short paragraph – slight decrease in tension as the woman resumes swimming.

Question 3

32

For the first time, the woman felt fear, though she did not know why.

Adrenaline shot through her trunk and her limbs, generating a tingling heat and

urging her to swim faster. She guessed that she was fifty yards from shore.

She could see the line of white foam where the

waves broke on the beach. She saw the lights in

the house, and for a comforting moment she

thought she saw someone pass by one of the windows.

The fish was about forty feet from the woman,

off to the side, when it turned suddenly to the

left, dropped entirely below the surface, and,

with two quick thrusts of its tail, was upon her.

At first, the woman thought she had snagged her leg on a rock or a piece of

floating wood. There was no initial pain, only one violent tug on her right leg. She

reached down to touch her foot, treading water with her left leg to keep her

head up, feeling in the blackness with her left hand. She could not find her foot.

She reached higher on her leg, and then she was overcome by a rush of nausea

and dizziness. Her groping fingers had found a hub of bone and tattered flesh.

She knew that the warm, pulsing flow over her fingers in the chill water was her

own blood.

Pain and panic struck together. The woman threw her head back and screamed a

guttural cry of terror.

The fish had moved away. It swallowed the woman's limb without chewing.

Bones and meat passed down the massive gullet in a

single spasm. Now the fish turned again, homing on

the stream of blood flushing from the woman's

femoral artery, a beacon as clear and true as a

lighthouse on a cloudless night. This time the fish attacked from below. It

hurtled up under the woman, jaws agape. The great conical head struck her like

a locomotive, knocking her up out of the water. The jaws snapped shut around

her torso, crushing bones and flesh and organs into a jelly. The fish, with the

woman's body in its mouth, smashed down on the water with a thunderous

splash, spewing foam and blood and phosphorescence in a gaudy shower.

Below the surface, the fish shook its head from side to side, its serrated

triangular teeth sawing through what little sinew still resisted. The corpse fell

apart. The fish swallowed, then turned to continue feeding. Its brain still

registered the signals of nearby prey. The water was laced with blood and

Recurring theme of the shore/home –

home is a place of safety whereas the

water is a place of danger.

Very short paragraphs with very different focus. Woman in pain and full of terror.

Shark is calm and going through the motions of eating.

Focus for the final paragraphs is almost

solely on the shark and its brutal attack

on the woman.

Long sentence – usually slows down the

pace but here is mimics the sharks

unstoppable and consistent movement.

Question 3

33

shreds of flesh, and the fish could not sort signal from substance. It cut back

and forth through the dissipating cloud of blood, opening and closing its mouth,

seining for a random morsel. But by now, most of the pieces of the corpse had

dispersed. A few sank slowly, coming to rest on the sandy bottom, where they

moved lazily in the current. A few drifted away just below the surface, floating

in the surge that ended in the surf. The man awoke, shivering in the early

morning cold. His mouth was sticky and dry, and his wakening belch tasted of

Bourbon and corn. The sun had not yet risen, but a line of pink on the eastern

horizon told him that daybreak was near. The stars still hung faintly in the

lightening sky. The man stood and began to dress. He was annoyed that the

woman had not woken him when she went back to the house, and he found it

curious that she had left her clothes on the beach. He picked them up and

walked to the house.

How has the writer structured the text to hold the reader’s

attention?



o Focus on the woman entering the water. Questions are raised about

why she steps back, why she is in the water and what the water is.

How and why the writer changes this focus as the extract

develops o Focus shifts in each paragraph – woman .v. shark o End of the extract focuses on another man walking back to the

house.

Why o Chronological o Recurring theme of home – the idea of safety. o Short paragraphs .v. long paragraphs to describe the attack. o Long sentences which show the relentless nature of the attack.

Longer paragraphs highlight the brutality of the attack and the relentless nature of what the shark

is doing.

The final part of the extract introduces us to another new character – a man on the beach

presumably looking for the woman attacked by the shark.

The theme of home is evident in the final sentence, which can be linked back to the start of the

extract where the woman uses it as a way of checking her distance and as an image of safety.

Question 3

34

The passage has a chronological structure which follows the shark’s

attack on the woman. This increases the tension in the extract as

you see the attack from both perspectives.

The starting paragraph focuses on the woman and her entrance into

the water. The writer immediately poses a number of questions to

the reader; why is the woman backing up, why is she entering the

water and what water is she entering? This holds the reader’s

interest as they then want to find out the answers to the questions,

which are not answered. The final focus of the opening paragraph is

of the woman swimming in an ‘untutored’ way. This foreshadows a

later accident because it implies she is not a confident swimmer so it

therefore more vulnerable.

Question 4 – Practice questions

35

In thirty-five feet of water, the great fish swam slowly, its tail waving just

enough to maintain motion. It saw nothing, for the water was murky with motes

of vegetation. The fish had been moving parallel to the shoreline. Now it turned,

banking slightly, and followed the bottom gradually upward. The fish perceived

more light in the water, but still it saw nothing.

The boy was resting, his arms dangling down, his feet and ankles dipping in and

out of the water with each small swell. His head was turned towards shore, and

he noticed that he had been carried out beyond what his mother would consider

safe. He could see her lying on her towel, and the man and child playing in the

wave wash. He was not afraid, for the water was calm and he wasn’t really very

far from shore – only forty yards or so. But he wanted to get closer; otherwise

his mother might sit up, spy him, and order him out of the water. He eased

himself back a little bit so he could use his feet to help propel himself. He

began to kick and paddle towards shore. His arms displaced water almost

silently, but his kicking feet made erratic splashes and left swirls of bubbles in

his wake.

The fish did not hear the sound, but rather registered the sharp and jerky

impulses emitted by the kicks. They were signals, faint but true, and the fish

locked on them, homing. It rose, slowly at first, then gaining speed as the

signals grew stronger.

The boy stopped for a moment to rest. The signals ceased. The fish slowed,

turning its head from side to side, trying to recover them. The boy lay perfectly

still, and the fish passed beneath him, skimming the sandy bottom. Again it

turned.

The boy resumed paddling. He kicked only every third or fourth stroke; kicking

was more exertion than steady paddling. But the occasional kicks sent new

signals to the fish. This time it needed to lock onto them only an instant, for it

was almost directly below the boy. The fish rose. Nearly vertical, it now saw the




36

commotion on the surface. There was no conviction that what thrashed above

was food, but food was not a concept of significance. The fish was impelled to

attack: if what it swallowed was digestible, that was food; if not, it would be

later regurgitated. The mouth opened, and with a final sweep of the sickle tail,

the fish struck.

The boy’s last – only – thought was that he had been punched in the stomach.

The breath was driven from him in a sudden rush. He had no time to cry out,

nor, had he had the time, would he have known what to cry, for he could not see

the fish. The fish’s head drove the raft out of the water. The jaws smashed

together, engulfing head, arms, shoulders, trunk, pelvis and most of the raft.

Nearly half the fish had come clear of the water, and it slid forward and down

in a belly flopping motion, grinding the mass of flesh and bone and rubber. The

boy’s legs were severed at the hip, and they sank, spinning slowly to the bottom.

3. You need to think about the whole of the source.


How has the writer structured the text to hold the reader’s attention?



How and why the writer changes this focus as the extract develops



37

Something had happened to the night. The star-strewn indigo sky was suddenly

pitch-black and lightless — the stars, the moon, the misty streetlamps at either

end of the alley had vanished. The distant grumble of cars and the whisper of

trees had gone. The balmy evening was suddenly piercingly, bitingly cold. They

were surrounded by total, impenetrable, silent darkness, as though some giant

hand had dropped a thick, icy mantle over the entire alleyway, blinding them.

For a split second Harry thought he had done magic without meaning to, despite

the fact that he’d been resisting as hard as he could — then his reason caught

up with his senses — he didn’t have the power to turn off the stars. He turned

his head this way and that, trying to see something, but the darkness pressed

on his eyes like a weightless veil.

Dudley’s terrified voice broke in Harry’s ear.

“W-what are you d-doing? St-stop it!”

“I’m not doing anything! Shut up and don’t move!”

“I c-can’t see! I’ve g-gone blind! I —”

“I said shut up!”

Harry stood stock-still, turning his sightless eyes left and right. The cold was so

intense that he was shivering all over; goose bumps had erupted up his arms, and

the hairs on the back of his neck were standing up — he opened his eyes to

their fullest extent, staring blankly around, unseeing . . .

It was impossible. . . . They couldn’t be here. . . . Not in Little Whinging . . . He

strained his ears. . . . He would hear them before he saw them. . . .

“I’ll t-tell Dad!” Dudley whimpered. “W-where are you? What are you d-do — ?”

“Will you shut up?” Harry hissed, “I’m trying to lis —”

But he fell silent. He had heard just the thing he had been dreading.

There was something in the alleyway apart from themselves, some-thing that

was drawing long, hoarse, rattling breaths. Harry felt a horrible jolt of dread as

he stood trembling in the freezing air.

“C-cut it out! Stop doing it! I’ll h-hit you, I swear I will!”


38

“Dudley, shut —”

WHAM!

A fist made contact with the side of Harry’s head, lifting Harry off his feet.

Small white lights popped in front of Harry’s eyes; for the second time in an

hour he felt as though his head had been cleaved in two; next moment he had

landed hard on the ground, and his wand had flown out of his hand.

“You moron, Dudley!” Harry yelled, his eyes watering with pain, as he scrambled

to his hands and knees, now feeling around frantically in the blackness. He heard

Dudley blundering away, hitting the alley fence, stumbling.

“DUDLEY, COME BACK! YOU’RE RUNNING RIGHT AT IT!”

There was a horrible squealing yell, and Dudley’s footsteps stopped. At the same

moment, Harry felt a creeping chill behind him that could mean only one thing.

There was more than one.



How has the writer structured the text to hold the reader’s attention?






39

She asked, “What makes you so nuts about rabbits?”

Lennie had to think carefully before he could come to a conclusion. He

moved cautiously close to her, until he was right against her. “I like to pet nice

things. Once at a fair I seen some of them long-hair rabbits. An’ they was nice,

you bet. Sometimes I’ve even pet mice, but not when I couldn’t get nothing

better.”

Curley’s wife moved away from him a little. “I think you’re nuts,” she said.

“No I ain’t,” Lennie explained earnestly. “George says I ain’t. I like to pet

nice things with my fingers, sof’ things.”

She was a little bit reassured. “Well, who don’t?” she said. “Ever’body likes

that. I like to feel silk an’ velvet. Do you like to feel velvet?”

Lennie chuckled with pleasure. “You bet, by God,” he cried happily. “An’ I

had some, too. A lady give me some, an’ that lady was—my own Aunt Clara.

She give it right to me—‘bout this big a piece. I wisht I had that velvet right

now.” A frown came over his face. “I lost it,” he said. “I ain’t seen it for a long

time.”

Curley’s wife laughed at him. “You’re nuts,” she said. “But you’re a kinda

nice fella. Jus’ like a big baby. But a person can see kinda what you mean.

When I’m doin’ my hair sometimes I jus’ set an’ stroke it ‘cause it’s so soft.”

To show how she did it, she ran her fingers over the top of her head. “Some

people got kinda coarse hair,” she said complacently. “Take Curley. His hair is

jus’ like wire. But mine is soft and fine. ‘Course I brush it a lot. That makes it

fine. Here—feel right here.” She took Lennie’s hand and put it on her head.

“Feel right aroun’ there an’ see how soft it is.”

Lennie’s big fingers fell to stroking her hair.

“Don’t you muss it up,” she said.

Lennie said, “Oh! That’s nice,” and he stroked harder. “Oh, that’s nice.”

“Look out, now, you’ll muss it.” And then she cried angrily, “You stop it

now, you’ll mess it all up.” She jerked her head sideways, and Lennie’s fingers

closed on her hair and hung on. “Let go,” she cried. “You let go!”

Lennie was in a panic. His face was contorted. She screamed then, and

Lennie’s other hand closed over her mouth and nose. “Please don’t,” he begged.

“Oh! Please don’t do that. George’ll be mad.”

She struggled violently under his hands. Her feet battered on the hay and she

writhed to be free; and from under Lennie’s hand came a muffled screaming.

Lennie began to cry with fright. “Oh! Please don’t do none of that,” he begged.


40

“George gonna say I done a bad thing. He ain’t gonna let me tend no rabbits.”

He moved his hand a little and her hoarse cry came out. Then Lennie grew

angry. “Now don’t,” he said. “I don’t want you to yell. You gonna get me in

trouble jus’ like George says you will. Now don’t you do that.” And she

continued to struggle, and her eyes were wild with terror. He shook her then,

and he was angry with her. “Don’t you go yellin’,” he said, and he shook her;

and her body flopped like a fish. And then she was still, for Lennie had broken

her neck.

He looked down at her, and carefully he removed his hand from over her

mouth, and she lay still. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, “but George’ll be

mad if you yell.” When she didn’t answer nor move he bent closely over her. He

lifted her arm and let it drop. For a moment he seemed bewildered. And then he

whispered in fright, “I done a bad thing. I done another bad thing.”

He pawed up the hay until it partly covered her.

From outside the barn came a cry of men and the double clang of shoes on

metal. For the first time Lennie became conscious of the outside.


This text near the end of the novel..

How has the writer structured the text to interest the reader?






41

Checklist

Do your answers:

Focus on structure?

Have detailed explanations and analysis?

Explain the effect of the structure?


Reference the text?


42

Question 4

This question will always focus on evaluation and personal response. You will need to think

about how the writer uses language techniques and structural methods to achieve effects

and influence the reader in line with the statement given.

Focus this part of your answer on the second part of the source,

from line 34 to the end.

A student, having read this section of the text said: “the writer

creates a mix of feelings in this extract: there is a clear sense of

frustration and confusion”.

To what extent do you agree?

In your response, you could:

• Write about your own impressions of the character

• Evaluate how the writer has created these impressions

• Support your opinions with quotations from the text.

You will be

given a

statement

relating to

the

extract.

You are

being asked

to evaluate

your

opinion.

These bullet points are there to help focus your answer. You need to ensure you use

technical terms to describe the language and structure

Make sure you only look at the section suggested. You will not be awarded marks for content

from anywhere else in the text.

The focus

changes

depending

on the

extract

Go to the

next page

to see how

your answer

will be

marked.


43

Level 4

16-20

marks

Perceptive,

detailed

evaluation

Shows perceptive and detailed evaluation, outlines critically and in detail the effect(s) on the reader and understanding of writer’s methods. A range of evidence is selected carefully and thoughtfully. A convincing and critical response is created in line the focus of the statement.

Level 3

11-15

marks

Clear,

relevant

evaluation

Shows clear and relevant evaluation, focusing on the effect(s) created by the writer through the chosen methods, on the reader. Shows clear understanding of writer’s methods and selects a range of relevant evidence to support

Level 2

6-10

marks

Some

evaluation

Makes some evaluative comment(s) on effect(s) on the reader, showing some understanding of writer’s methods and using some appropriate textual reference(s). Makes some response to the focus of the statement

Level 1

1 – 5

marks

Simple

evaluation

Makes simple, limited evaluative comment(s) on effect(s) on reader, showing limited understanding of writer’s methods. Selects simple, limited textual reference(s)

What is evaluation?

When evaluating a text, you are being asked to make a judgement or

inference(s) based on textual evidence (quotations). To further develop your

argument, you must critically analyse your evidence to explore how and why you

think the writer has used particular language, techniques or structures to

create meaning. Use your notes from question 2 and 3 to help you.


A student, having read this section of the text said: “the writer creates a mix

of feelings in this extract: there is a clear sense of frustration and confusion”.







44

Step by step guide:

4. Read the question and highlight the key words:


5. Read back through the extract, annotating the language and structure

features. It does not matter if you use the same information from

questions 2 and 3.

6. Focus initially on:

How the extract develops, does the mood/tone/atomsphere shift?

7. Remember to What, How, Why to formulate your response.



45


46




47

Extract 1 – Sherlock Holmes

I have said that over the great Grimpen Mire there hung a dense, white fog. It

was drifting slowly in our direction, and banked itself up like a wall on that side

of us, low, but thick and well defined. The moon shone on it, and it looked like a

great shimmering ice-field, with the heads of the distant tors as rocks borne

upon its surface. Holmes's face was turned towards it, and he muttered

impatiently as he watched its sluggish drift.

Every minute that white woolly plain which covered one half of the moor was

drifting closer and closer to the house. Already the first thin wisps of it were

curling across the golden square of the lighted window. The farther wall of the

orchard was already invisible, and the trees were standing out of a swirl of

white vapour. As we watched it the fog-wreaths came crawling round both

corners of the house and rolled slowly into one dense bank, on which the upper

floor and the roof floated like a strange ship upon a shadowy sea. Holmes struck

his hand passionately upon the rock in front of us and stamped his feet in his

impatience.

"Shall we move farther back upon higher ground?"

"Yes, I think it would be as well."

So as the fog-bank flowed onward we fell back before it until we were half a

mile from the house, and still that dense white sea, with the moon silvering its

upper edge, swept slowly and inexorably on.

There was a thin, crisp, continuous patter from somewhere in the heart of that

crawling bank. The cloud was within fifty yards of where we lay, and we glared

at it, all three, uncertain what horror was about to break from the heart of it. I

was at Holmes's elbow, and I glanced for an instant at his face. It was pale and

exultant, his eyes shining brightly in the moonlight. But suddenly they started

forward in a rigid, fixed stare, and his lips parted in amazement. At the same

instant Lestrade gave a yell of terror and threw himself face downward upon

the ground.

I sprang to my feet, my inert hand grasping my pistol, my mind paralyzed by the

dreadful shape which had sprung out upon us from the shadows of the fog. A

hound it was, an enormous coal-black hound, but not such a hound as mortal eyes


48

have ever seen. Fire burst from its open mouth, its eyes glowed with a

smouldering glare, its muzzle and hackles and dewlap were outlined in flickering

flame. Never in the delirious dream of a disordered brain could anything more

savage, more appalling, more hellish be conceived than that dark form and

savage face which broke upon us out of the wall of fog.

With long bounds the huge black creature was leaping down the track, following

hard upon the footsteps of our friend. So paralyzed were we by the apparition

that we allowed him to pass before we had recovered our nerve. Then Holmes

and I both fired together, and the creature gave a hideous howl, which showed

that one at least had hit him. He did not pause, however, but bounded onward.

Far away on the path we saw Sir Henry looking back, his face white in the

moonlight, his hands raised in horror, glaring helplessly at the frightful thing

which was hunting him down.

But that cry of pain from the hound had blown all our fears to the winds. If he

was vulnerable he was mortal, and if we could wound him we could kill him. Never

have I seen a man run as Holmes ran that night. I am reckoned fleet of foot,

but he outpaced me as much as I outpaced the little professional. In front of us

as we flew up the track we heard scream after scream from Sir Henry and the

deep roar of the hound. I was in time to see the beast spring upon its victim,

hurl him to the ground, and worry at his throat. But the next instant Holmes

had emptied five barrels of his revolver into the creature's flank. With a last

howl of agony and a vicious snap in the air, it rolled upon its back, four feet

pawing furiously, and then fell limp upon its side. I stooped, panting, and pressed

my pistol to the dreadful, shimmering head, but it was useless to press the

trigger. The giant hound was dead.


A student, having read this section of the text said: “the writer creates a sense

of foreboding in the extract”.



• Write about your own impressions of the setting




49

Extract 2 – A Polaroid of Peggy

Peggy and I wandered back down Fifth Avenue with the rest of the crowd

dribbling out of the Robert Palmer concert that had just reached its exhausted

finale in Central Park. It was part of the annual Dr Pepper Central Park Music

Festival and whatever Robert Palmer may have thought, I, for one, was

extremely grateful for their sponsorship, because it was one of those

unbearable summer nights in Manhattan – very late summer, it was already

September – when the humidity is a thousand per cent and even the most

refined of ladies glistens buckets. We grabbed the ice-cold cans that were

being handed out as we left the arena and not just because they were free. On a

night like that, an ice-cold anything is a lifeline. With my de rigueur denim

jacket slung over my shoulder – don’t know why I’d bought it, far too hot to

wear, but once a fashionista always a fashionista, I suppose – I tossed back my

head and drained the lot.

‘You like this stuff?’ asked Peggy. ’Actually, I’ve never had it before. We

don’t get it in England.’ ‘We don’t get it here either,’ said Peggy. ‘I mean, we do,

but I don’t know anyone who ever, like, gets it.’ ‘Somebody must,’ I said. ’Yup.

Somebody must. I guess somebody must.’

Yes, you’re right. An utterly unremarkable, nothingy, so-what exchange and

yet, for me, intoxicating. It was the rhythm of Peggy’s voice that I swooned

over. The little staccato bursts, the subtlest of inflections, the bone dry

delivery. It was pure essence of New York. Not the On the Waterfront, Hell’s

Kitchen, Hey-Youse-Gimme-A-Cawfee Noo Yawk. But something else; sharp,

smart, sassy, seductive. Yes, all those clichés that, when put together, beget

another whole alliterating string of them: Manhattan, Martinis, Madison Avenue.

It was all there in Peggy’s voice, every time she spoke.

So maybe you’re thinking it was the idea of Peggy that I was so infatuated

with. That any pretty uptown girl might have done just as well. It’s a legitimate

debating point, and I will admit that maybe there’s the tiniest scintilla of truth

that I was, indeed, in love with the idea of a girl like Peggy. After all, I was,

with one or two minor caveats, in love with everything ‘New York’. But inside

Peggy’s New York wrapper was someone who rang so many bells for me, I would

have become every bit as besotted with her if she’d come from Nanking or

Narnia.

I had the not very original idea – still do – that love is a wavelength thing. It’s

just a question of finding someone who is on the same one as you. Nobody that I

have ever met – not before nor since – received my signal and sent back hers so

clearly, with so little interference, as Peggy. No moody dropout. No emotional

static. It was, for those few short months, such an unburdening relief to find

someone to whom I could get through and who came through to me. As I had


50

had so little real hope of finding someone like that – never got remotely close to

it before so why should I ever? – I was simply amazed. And even more amazing

was Peggy’s often given and never solicited – well, only very rarely solicited –

assurance that the feeling was entirely mutual. There was Peggy in this

relationship, there was me, and for the first, and perhaps only, time in my life,

there was a real, almost tangible ‘us’, the sum that was greater than the parts.

So, given all this, how on earth had we managed to get ourselves into a situation

where tonight would be our last?

Use lines 21-38.

A student said “The writer wants us to realise how in love the narrator is, so

that it is unexpected and upsetting that the relationship does not last.”







51

Extract from 1984 - Part Two, Chapter Ten

‘We are the dead,’ he said.

‘We are the dead,’ echoed Julia.

‘You are the dead,’ said an iron voice behind them.

They sprang apart. Winston’s entrails seemed to have turned to ice. He

could see the white all round the irises of Julia’s eyes. Her face had turned a

milky yellow. The smear of rouge that was still on each cheekbone stood out

sharply, almost as though unconnected with the skin beneath.

‘You are the dead,’ repeated the iron voice.

‘It was behind the picture,’ breathed Julia.

‘It was behind the picture,’ said the voice. ‘Remain exactly where you are.

Make no movement until you are ordered.’

It was starting at last! They could do nothing except stand gazing into

one another’s eyes. To run for life, to get out of the house before it was too

late – no such though occurred to them. Unthinkable to disobey the iron voice

from the wall. There was a snap as though a catch had been turned back, and a

crash of breaking glass. The picture had fallen to the floor, uncovering the

telescreen behind it.

‘Now they can see us,’ said Julia.

‘Now we can see you,’ said the voice. ‘Stand out in the middle of the room.

Stand back to back. Clasp your hands behind your heads. Do not touch one

another.’

They were not touching, but it seemed to him he could feel Julia’s body

shaking. Or perhaps it was merely the shaking of his own. He could just stop his

teeth from chattering, but his knees were beyond his control. There was a

sound of trampling boots below, inside the house and outside. The yard seemed

to be full of men. Something was being dragged across the stones. The woman’s

singing had stopped abruptly. There was a long, rolling clang, as though the

washtub had been flung across the yard, and then a confusion of angry shouts

which ended in a yell of pain.

‘The house is surrounded,’ said Winston.

‘The house is surrounded,’ said the voice.


52

He heard Julia snap her teeth together. ‘I suppose we may as well say

good-bye,’ she said.

‘You may as well say good-bye,’ said the voice. And then another quite

different voice, a thin, cultivated voice which Winston had the impression of

having heard before, struck in: ‘And by the way, while we are on the subject,

“Here comes a candle to light you to bed, here comes a chopper to chop off your

head!”’

Something crashed onto the bed behind Winston’s back. The head of a

ladder had been thrust through the window and had burst in the frame.

Someone was climbing through the window. There was a stampede of boots up

the stairs. The room was full of solid men in uniforms, with iron-shod boots on

their feet and truncheons in their hands.

Winston was not trembling any longer. Even his eyes he barely moved. One

thing alone mattered: to keep still, to keep still and not give them an excuse to

hit you! A man with a smooth prizefighter’s jowl in which the mouth was only a

slit paused opposite him, balancing his truncheon meditatively between thumb

and forefinger. Winston met his eyes. The feeling of nakedness, with one’s

hands behind one’s head and one’s face and body all exposed, was almost

unbearable. The man protruded the tip of a white tongue, licked the place where

his lips should have been and then passed on. There was another crash. Someone

had picked up the glass paperweight from the table and smashed it to pieces on

the hearth-stone.

A teacher, having read this section of the text, said: “There is a very dark and

sinister feel to this moment in the book; the fear and tension are palpable.”



write about your own impressions of the characters and their feelings

evaluate how the writer has created these impressions

support your opinions with quotations from the text.


53

Extract 4 – Savvy

When my brother Fish turned thirteen, we moved to the deepest part of inland

because of the hurricane and, of course, the fact that he’d caused it. I had

liked living down south on the edge of land, next to the pushing-pulling waves. I

had liked it with a mighty kind of liking, so moving had been hard—hard like the

pavement the first time I fell off my pink two-wheeler and my palms burned like

fire from all of the hurt just under the skin. But it was plain that fish could live

nowhere near or nearby or next to or close to or on or around any largish bodies

of water. Water had a way of triggering my brother and making ordinary,

everyday weather take a frightening turn for the worse.

Unlike any normal hurricane, fish’s birthday storm had started without warning.

One minute, my brother was tearing paper from presents in our backyard near

the beach; the next minute, both fish and the afternoon sky went a funny and

fearsome shade of gray. My brother gripped the edge of the picnic table as the

wind kicked up around him, gaining momentum and ripping the wrapping paper out

of his hands, sailing it high up into the sky with all of the balloons and streamers

roiling together and disintegrating like a birthday party in a blender. Groaning

and cracking, trees shuddered and bent over double, uprooting and falling as

easily as sticks in wet sand. Rain pelted us like gravel thrown by a playground

bully as windows shattered and shingles ripped off the roof. As the storm

surged and the ocean waves tossed and churned, spilling raging water and debris

farther and farther up the beach, Momma and Poppa grabbed hold of fish and

held on tight, while the rest of us ran for cover. Momma and Poppa knew what

was happening. They had been expecting something like this and knew that they

had to keep my brother calm and help him ride out his storm.

That hurricane had been the shortest on record, but to keep the coastal towns

safe from our fish, our family had packed up and moved deep inland, plunging

into the very heart of the land and stopping as close to the center of the

country as we could get. There, without big water to fuel big storms, fish could

make it blow and rain without so much heartache and ruin.

Settling directly between Nebraska and Kansas in a little place all our own, just

off Highway 81, we were well beyond hollering distance from the nearest

neighbor, which was the best place to be for a family like ours. The closest town

was merely a far-off blur across the highway, and was not even big enough to

have its own school or store, or gas station or mayor.

Monday through Wednesday, we called our thin stretch of land Kansaska.

Thursday through Saturday, we called it Nebransas. On Sundays, since that was

the Lord’s Day, we called it nothing at all, out of respect for His creating our

world without the lines already drawn on its face like all my grandpa’s wrinkles.

If it weren’t for old Grandpa Bomba, Kansaska- Nebransas wouldn’t even have


54

existed for us to live there. When Grandpa wasn’t a grandpa and was just

instead a small-fry, hobbledehoy boy blowing out thirteen dripping candles on a

lopsided cake, his savvy hit him hard and sudden—just like it did to fish that

day of the backyard birthday party and the hurricane—and the entire state of

Idaho got made. At least, that’s the way Grandpa Bomba always told the story.

“Before I turned thirteen,” he’d say, “Montana bumped dead straight into

Washington, and Wyoming and Oregon shared a cozy border.” The tale of

Grandpa’s thirteenth birthday had grown over the years just like the land he

could move and stretch, and Momma just shook her head and smiled every time

he’d start talking tall. But in truth, that young boy who grew up and grew old like

wine and dirt, had been making new places whenever and wherever he pleased.

That was Grandpa’s savvy.

Use lines 20-41.

A student said “The writer intrigues us with what happened to Fish by telling us

about the Grandpa, who seems like a strange person with interesting stories”


write about your own impressions of the characters and their feelings

evaluate how the writer has created these impressions

support your opinions with quotations from the text.

Checklist

Do your answers:

Focus on an evaluative response, making key inferences?

Have detailed explanations and analysis of how the writer has created

these impressions through language and structure?

Explain the effect of the language and structure?


Reference the text and used evidence?

Question 5

55

Question 5

This question is a creative writing task. You will

need to produce an interesting, well-organised

and accurately written piece.

You are going to enter a creative writing

competition.

You will be judged by a panel of your teachers.

Either:

Write a description suggested by this picture

Or:

Write the opening part of a short story about…

(24 marks content and organisation

16 marks for technical accuracy)

[40 marks]

The question will always give you a specific

purpose, audience and form.

You need to show that you have adapted your

writing style accordingly.

One of the

tasks might

ask you to

respond to

a picture

prompt

Only choose

ONE!

This is worth

a half of the

whole paper

so you need

to make sure

your answer

is long,

detailed and

well-planned.

You are assessed

on what you

write, how you

structure it and

how accurate it is

so make sure you

proof read your

work!

You could be given the option of:

One narrative, one description

Two narratives

Two descriptions

Make sure you read the questions carefully so

that you are writing in the correct form.

Question 5

56

AO5 Content and Organisation Level 4

19-24

marks

Com

pelli

ng a

nd

conv

inci

ng

Content:

Thoroughly matched to the form, audience and purpose.

Interesting and compelling for the audience.

Extensive and ambitious vocabulary with consistent use of linguistic

devices.

Organisation:

Varied and imaginative use of structural devices. Sophisticated and fluent

paragraphs that incorporate complex ideas and discourse markers.

Level 3

13-18

marks

Con

sist

ent

and

clear

Content:

Consistent match to the audience, purpose and form. Increasingly

sophisticated and ambitious use of vocabulary, chosen for effect. A range

of successful linguistic devices.

Organisation:

Effective use of structural features, using a clear structure. Writing is

engaging with clear connected ideas. Clear use of paragraphs and

discourse markers.

Level 2

7-12

marks

Som

e

succ

ess

Content:

Some sustained attempt to match form, audience and purpose. Some

conscious use of vocabulary and linguistic devices.

Organisation:

Some attempt to use structural features with increasing links between

ideas. Some use of paragraphs and discourse markers.

Level 1

1-6

marks

Sim

ple

and

lim

ited

Content:

Simple awareness of form, audience and purpose. Simple use of

vocabulary and some simple linguistic devices.

Organisation:

One or two relevant ideas, which might be simply linked. Random or no

paragraph structure.

A06 Technical Accuracy

Level 4

13-16 marks

Ambitious use of vocabulary. Confident use of a wide range of

punctuation. Accurate use of grammar.

Level 3

9-12 marks

Mostly suitable vocabulary with variety and thought. Mostly

correct grammar and a range of mostly accurate punctuation.

Level 2

5-8 marks

Attempt to vary vocabulary punctuation and grammar. This is

sometimes successful and appropriate.

Level 1

1-4 marks

Simple vocabulary, grammar and punctuation that is inaccurate

throughout.

Question 5

57

Narrative Voice

When creating a narrative piece, it is important to consider who the narrator

will be. Whose perspective are you writing from? Is it first or third person?

Ask yourself these questions:

- What do you want the reader to learn about the narrator?

- How are you, as the writer, going to show you this?

- Why, as the writer, do you want to create this impression?

Let’s have a look at an example…

I have been working here my entire life. From the moment the

gentle hand lit the spark of my existence, I have been here. Above

you, looking down, shining. Omniscient. I have lived

to serve; we all have, working together to bring

that extra bit of illuminating magic to your evening’s

entertainment. I don’t mind, it doesn’t bother me; in fact, once

you get used to the uniformity of it, it actually becomes quite

liberating. Knowing that your little existence is part of a

greater world of pure pleasure. It feels like something I was

meant to do. Until now.

It started the usual way. We left one wonderful place and moved to

another: packed up, set off, stopped, unpacked, set up, switched on

and started. But then the switching on, became off. My insides

emptied, I felt my entire essence dim, and I was

left with nothing to offer but internal, external and

eternal darkness. Surrounding me, the others glowed

gloriously, offering warmth and invitation, sparkle and shine.

Their glory became my guilt, their splendour became my sin,

and their unity would become my undoing. Their fluorescence perpetually fed my

fear. What can a light offer if it is forever dark? Nothing.

First person

narrative

used.

Reader can infer

that the

narrator is

lonely, fed up,

trapped but has

an important

role.

Narrative is

driven

forward by

the action of

moving

Reader begins

to notice a

semantic field

of ‘light’

Question 5

58

Now, I sit in shadows, waiting for the gentle hand to return and

roughly remove me from my rightful place. I wait, contemplating

which fate is worse – being replaced, or being ignored and left

hanging in a world that mocks me with its garish colours and

nonsensical melodies?

Over time, we continue our blind journey from one miserable

place to another: packing up, setting off, stopping, unpacking…

you get the ritual. And I begin to rust and stain, rattle and shake. But nobody

comes, nobody will release me from this house of horrors. So I remain, offering

nothing but darkness and despair in a world surrounded by joy.

Enjoy the ride now folks, before the lights go out forever.

Narrator is

feeling

morose,

abandoned

so reader

feels

sympathy

Contemplation of

life makes the

reader empathise

The narrative voice is a light bulb!

Question 5

59

Question 5

60

Exposition/

introduction

Climax

Resolution

Rising action Falling action

Think about how

to introduce your

characters. You

want to make the

opening engaging.

What do your

characters want?

What are the

struggles/problems your

characters’ encounter?

What happens to

make it worse?

This is the height of your story, where your

main problem comes to the forefront.

How is the problem

deescalated?

What choices do the

characters make?

How does the

story end?

The problem doesn’t have to

be resolved completely but

bear in mind cliff-hangers

can get boring.

This is where you

build up the

tension and create

the atmosphere.

Question 5

61

Narrative writing

START

This is the first thing

that someone will read so it needs to be

engaging.

MIDDLE

This is where all of the

action takes place and you

reach the height of tension.

END

The tension will start to

subside and a new normal will

be created.

Question 5

62

Spelling, punctuation and grammar

You are marked out of 16 for your technical accuracy so it is really

important that you proofread your work.

Punctuation:

You must ensure that you use a wide range of punctuation accurately.

Full stop At the end of sentence.

Question mark Where a question has been asked,

Exclamation mark Where you want to show volume, high emotion

or emphasis.

Comma In a list of 3 or more adjectives or things. To

separate information, which isn’t always

essential, in a sentence. To separate a main and

subordinate clause when the subordinate

clause comes first.

Apostrophe To show the omission of a letter or to show

possession of something.

Colon Before a list or a definition.

Semi colon To link two main clauses together which have a

common theme. To separate items in a

descriptive list.

Brackets Used to separate non-essential information in a

sentence.

Quotation/speech

marks

To identify a phrase/word taken directly from

a piece of writing or to show what has been

said in dialogue.

Ellipsis To show the omission of some words. In

dialogue, it shows a pause. Can also be used to

show a pause in narrative.

Question 5

63

Punctuation is also a good way at creating certain effects. Look at

the following annotated extract.

Vocabulary:

Try to vary the words that you use in your work and think about the

specific connotations those words may have.

Sad »Low »Upset »Glum »Weeping» Dejected »Mortified

Said Good Old Bad

Shouted

Whispered

Grumbled

Stammered

Muttered

Shrieked

Amazing

Fantastic

Wonderful

Majestic

Marvellous

Enthralling

Experienced

Crumbling

Threadbare

Rotting

Decrepit

Ancient

Terrible

Awful

Horrendous

Atrocious

Unsatisfactory

Abominable

Little bit

upset

Something terrible has

happened and the person is

beside himself or herself.

Starting to show

outward emotion

Question 5

64

You are going to enter a creative writing competition.

You will be judged by a panel of your teachers.

Either:

Write a description suggested by this picture

Or:

Write the opening part of a short story about being stuck in bad weather

(24 marks content and organisation

16 marks for technical accuracy)

[40 marks] Step by step guide:

1. Read the questions and choose ONE. 2. Plan your answer – this is important as it will ensure your answer is structured,

detailed and appropriate to the task.

Bullet point each paragraph

Mind map

Circle the areas you are going to zoom in on in your description.

Doesn’t need to be full sentences

3. Write your answer, remembering to focus on the question you have chosen.

4. Read back through your answer. Proof reading is essential, as there are 16 marks

available for accuracy!

Let’s look at an example plan and short answer.

Question 5

65

This method is brilliant for making sure you have written a lot about a little, as well as

focusing on your language choices.

You need to start with an overview of image, like a panoramic. Then zoom in on unique

details before returning back to panoramic picture.

Question 5

66

Write a description suggested by this picture.

Beach as a whole – people relaxing and playing in the sea. No

mention of the clouds – build up at the end of each paragraph

with a final paragraph focusing on it.

Lonely bird. What is he looking for? Where are the other

birds? Reaction to the cloud.

Single person, completely unaware of what is going on. Describe

what he is wearing, how he is lying.

Abandoned clothing and other items – description of them.

Personification – how they feel about being left.

Children playing out at sea. Impending danger .v. fun and

laughter. Parents calling from beach.

Waves breaking – getting increasingly violent. Link to children

playing.

Rocks being beaten by the angry sea. Bits breaking off –

becoming jagged and dangerous.

Looming clouds, getting darker and bigger. Swallowing beach

whole. Change of atmosphere.

Question 5

67

How can we start the description?

Calm. Serene. Peaceful. Golden sand dances in the gentle breeze,

covering the toes of sleeping sunbathers and abandoned towels.

Laughter drifts from the sea, filling the air with a sense of joy.

Children rush towards the azure water as their worried parents

shout instructions. No one notices the grey animal looming above,

getting closer and closer to its prey.

A lonely seagull waits patiently. He gazes at the sky before stalking

closer to his lunch; a stray, sandy chip, dropped unknowingly by an

over excited child. His wings stretch in triumph as he finishes his

feast and begins to look for dessert. As the sky rumbles, the seagull

edges towards its next target. Suddenly, a large hand appears from

nowhere forcing the seagull to take flight towards the impending

beast.

The outstretched hand flops back down, causing a tsunami of sand.

Its owner wriggles on the threadbare towel, trying to get

comfortable on the lumpy mattress beneath. A stray hair falls

across the suntanned, sweaty forehead as an earth-shattering snore

erupts from the sleeping body. Up and down. Up and down. In and

out. In and out. The dull, monotonous sound of sleep fills the

surrounding area.

Question 5

68

Semantic fields

A semantic field is a

set of words (or

lexemes) related

in meaning. The

phrase is also

known as a word

field, lexical field,

field of meaning,

and semantic

system.

Abstract and concrete nouns can really help with this.

What vocabulary would you use here to create a semantic

field of victory?

……………….. of smoke rose ……………… up toward the …………….. sky, a

dappled grey of sins and souls rising to the heavens. The sound of

cannon fire ……………….the air …………… followed by the ……………. of its

operator. With a ………………… like a bull to the ring, a final charge

headfirst on to unknown territory.

Drums …………… beating in rhythm with the soldier’s…………. hearts, the

…………. of the trumpet …………..on the soldiers’ ears as they marched

on to claim the land. With a final ………………, a ……………. ………….

……………………. the sea of fallen red.

Survival

Smoke

Camaraderie

Blood

Soldier

Helmet

Question 5

69

Using the same basic outline, now change your vocabulary choices

to create a semantic field of disaster.

……………….. of smoke rose ……………… up toward the …………….. sky, a

dappled grey of sins and souls rising to the heavens. The sound of

cannon fire ……………….the air …………… followed by the ……………. of its

operator. With a ………………… like a bull to the ring, a final charge

headfirst on to unknown territory.

Drums …………… beating in rhythm with the soldier’s…………. hearts, the

…………. of the trumpet …………..on the soldiers’ ears as they marched

on to claim the land. With a final ………………, a ……………. ………….

……………………. the sea of fallen red.

Question 5

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Descriptive writing techniques

Feature Definition Example

Alliteration When 2 or more words, which are

close together, start with the

same letter.

The silky snake, slithered

slowly across the ground.

Emotive language Language that has an emotional

effect on the reader and makes

them feel a certainty e.g sadness,

anger.

Abandoned children left to

fend for themselves in

torrential rain.

Hyperbole The use of extreme exaggeration. I was so hungry I could eat

a horse.

Metaphor Describing something by saying it

is something else.

The classroom was a zoo full

of wild animals.

Onomatopoeia Sound word – imitates the sound it

describes.

The door creaked open.

Crash!

Personification Giving human characteristics to

something that is non-human.

The wind howled as it

slammed into the lonely

tree.

Repetition When a word, phrase or idea is

deliberately repeated.

“I really, really, really hate

school!”

Rhetorical question A question which doesn't need an

answer. Can pose more questions

for a reader.

Will you help the innocent

child?

Rule of three A number of connected items or

words – commonly adjectives.

The ancient, rotten and

crumbling house stood

lonely on the hill.

Simile Describing something ‘as’ or ‘like’

something else.

The man ran as fast as a

racing car.

5 senses:

See

Touch

Taste

Hear

Smell

Question 5

71

Planning a narrative piece

Write the opening part of a short story about being stuck in bad weather.

Characters:

Mum Driving car, trying to make a joke about it. Light

hearted and loving.

Daughter Typical moody teenager, late for a college

interview.

Setting:

Long bridge over the river – to the left is the ocean. Stand still

traffic both ways. Miserable weather – raining and windy. Weather

gradually gets worse as story continues.

3rd person narrative

Stuck in traffic with heavy rain.

On a bridge - nowhere to go front or

back

Not moving anywhere.

Radio signal goes. Rain

gets heavier. Wind picks

up.

Hail storms. Thunder and

lightning.

Look in the mirror and see tsunami

Question 5

72

How can we start the story?

Pitter, patter. Pitter, patter. Pitter, patter. The monotonous drip of

the rain played a repetitive rhythm on the car roof, as it stood as

still as a soldier.

“Why aren’t we moving?” groaned Jane as she stretched her legs

further up the dashboard. Rumble, rumble, rumble.

“Jane, I am going to ask you for the hundredth time to put your feet

down,” exclaimed her mother, exasperated by her daughter’s lack of

rule following and respect.They had been sat in the same traffic jam

for over an hour and both mother and daughter’s anger was

beginning to boil like the looming clouds ahead.

Crash! Boom! Crash!

The tar-black sky lit up, as a bolt of lightning flew down to earth. An

invisible hand began to shake the cars, moving them as though they

were as small as ants.

“Whoah, what the hell?” cried Jane. “This storm is getting right on

my nerves. Why do we have to be stuck right in the middle of a

bridge – “

Suddenly, like a lion pouncing on his prey, a 10ft high wave ploughed

into the side of the car.

“Muuuu-“shrieked Jane as she was flung against the window.

The water rose higher and higher, like a never-ending shield

encompassing the whole bridge. The ominous creature paused before

crashing down, smothering everyone in its path.


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Or:

Write the opening part of a short story about an abandoned house.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Write a description of a busy market, as suggested by this picture.

Or:

Write a short story about a time when you felt extremely happy.




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Or:

Write the opening part of a short story about destruction or war.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Write a description about a dark place, as suggested by this picture.

Or:

Write a story that begins with the sentence: ‘My heart skipped a

beat as I slowly edged around the corner.’


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Or:

Write a short story about fear and apprehension.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Write a description about a severe storm, as suggested by this

picture.

Or:

Write the opening to a short story about a place severely affected

by bad weather.


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Checklist - descriptive

Do your answers:

Create an image?

Use lots of adjectives and adverbs?

Use a range of ambitious vocabulary?

Use a range of descriptive techniques?

Zoom in on specific parts of the description?

Have accurate paragraphs which link ideas?

Have accurate spelling, punctuation and grammar?

Checklist - narrative

Do your answers:

Have a start, middle and end?

Create tension through rising action?

Interest the reader immediately?

Use lots of adjectives and adverbs?

Use a range of ambitious vocabulary?

Use a range of descriptive techniques?

Have accurate paragraphs which link ideas?

Have accurate spelling, punctuation and grammar?

Documents

LANGUAGE PAPER 1 - Aylestone School · 2020. 4. 6. · brilliant moonlight, my own footsteps marked where I had disturbed the long accumulation of dust. In the moonlight opposite