Every day might be Earth Day, but this week you'll at least have company

PLUS: HEIRUSPECS HEADLINES MWMF • PAGE 6 | MIXTAPE FOR THE DONALD • PAGE 7 | HEINEKEN?! • PAGE 9

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VOLUME 11, NO. 13 | APRIL 14, 2011La Crosse's Free Press Page 4

How can youforget about

Brookfield?

INSIDE...

COVE

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2// April 14, 2011 Second Supper

WHAT IS YOUR GUILTIEST PLEASURE? Watching The O.C. and One Tree Hill

TELL US A JOKE:A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up thesnail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"

WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? B.A. Burrito

WHAT'S IN YOUR POCKET RIGHT NOW?: My barely functioning cell phone and 76 cents; the bare necessities.

IF A GENIE GRANTED YOU ONE WISH, WHAT WOULD YOU ASK FOR? Happiness.

WHAT PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE DINNER WITH?Brandon Boyd

FIRST CONCERT YOU WENT TO: Aaron Carter at the La Crosse Center!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PART OF SECOND SUPPER? I'm finally full. Oh, wait... the paper.

HOW DO YOU KNOW BRIAN (LAST WEEK'S INTERVIEW)? We went to Central High School together and unfortunately didn't become friends until after we both graduated. Fortunately we DID become friends! Nonetheless, we're making up forlost time!

— Compiled by Shuggypop Jackson,shuggypop.jackson@secondsupper.com

NAME AND AGE: Tyler Glasel, 20

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? La Crosse, Wisconsin

CURRENT JOB: Business analyst intern at Trane Company

DREAM JOB: Writing and playing music in a band while traveling the world.

LAST THING YOU GOOGLED: Directions to the YMCA in Onalaska

IF YOU COULD LIVE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD IT BE? Somewhere warm on a beach where work doesn't exist

WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: Love, Success, and Happiness.

WHAT IS YOUR PET PEEVE? Walking very slowly up the stairs behind someone who is texting.

WHAT IS YOUR BEVERAGE OF CHOICE? Mistic Zotics Yuzu Fruit — I drank this delicious elixir when I visited Washington D.C. in 5th grade and I haven't been able to find it since.

CELEBRITY CRUSH: Evangeline Lilly

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING?

Illusions by Richard Bach

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Second Supper April 14, 2011 // 3

Jazz it up A Radiohead song, “Everything In Its Right Place” at a jazz con-

cert? That’s right, it is all going down at the UW‐La Crosse Jazz Ensembles I and II con-cert this Sunday, April 17 at 3 p.m. in Valhalla Hall in Cartwright Center. The free concert is part of the celebration of the Smithsonian Institute Jazz Appreciation month. For more

information, call 785‐6727.

Roll for the Earth Kick off Earth Week early and check out the Mississippi Valley Mayhem, La Crosse's original roller derby league, as they present the Reduce, Re-Bruise, Recycle derby bout on

Friday, April 15 at 7 p.m., at the Onalaska Omni Center. The Mayhem will take on the Madison's Mad Rollin’ Dolls with doors opening at 6 p.m. College students, don’t miss this stellar deal: present your student ID and you get in free! Otherwise tickets

are $7 at the door, and children ages 3 to 12 are $5. Chairs with rubber feet or cushions are suggested to sit track-side at no additional cost. A portion of the proceeds will benefit a local environmental charity. The afterparty will be held directly af-ter the bout at Yesterdays on Pearl Street.

TheTop

FIRST THINGS FIRSTThings To Do

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Most endangered species1. Ivory-billed woodpecker 2. Amur leopard 3. Javan rhinoceros 4. Greater bamboo lemur 5. Northern right whale 6. Mountain gorilla 7. Leatherback sea turtle

CO2 emissions per capita1. Australia2. United States3. Canada4. The Netherlands5. Saudi Arabia6. Belgium7. Kazakhstan

Have a near-death experience at Logan High Have you ever wondered how many people will come to your funeral if you died tomorrow. Interesting and morbid thought, yes? Pride of the North side, Logan High School, is putting on a play this weekend with just that premise. In “Par-

lor Games,” you'll find out what happens when a zany jokester with a tragic name — Mort McNulty decides to hold his own wake. So, this dude, Mort McNulty, is a few nuts shy of a flywheel; he thinks he's hilari-ous while pulling pranks. But his latest joke has gone too far! His wife desperately tries

to put an end to his antics, while everyone thinks she's just in denial! Will the lid finally close on Mort McNulty, or will this go down as his greatest prank? Come to Logan and find out. Per-formances are April 15 and 16 at 7:30 p.m., and April 17 at 2 p.m. Cost of admission is $5. You wouldn't miss your own fu-neral, would you? Don't miss this.

5

Get wordly Sink your teeth into rich baklava or watch traditional dances from around the world at the 46th Annual In-ternational Banquet on Saturday, April 16 at 6 p.m. in Valhalla Hall. UW-L International stu-dents will cook ethnic dishes from nine dif-ferent countries and provide entertainment including dance, music and a fashion show featuring traditional clothing. Tickets for the event are $12 for UW‐L faculty, staff, and students, and $16 for oth-ers. Children age 6 and under are free, but they must have a ticket. For tickets, contact 785‐8877.

Totter Head back to the days of the schoolyard and support a great cause by attending the Teeter-Totter-A-Thon this Friday, April 15 from noon to midnight on UW-L’s Drake Field. UW‐La Crosse students are raising money for AIDS research during the event, and the public is welcome to participate for only a $1 contribution! The goal is to have a continu-ous stream of people teetering from noon to midnight. The event also includes games, tie‐dying T‐shirts and raffle tickets. For more information, call (847) 212‐2929.

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4// April 14, 2011 Second SupperCOMMUNITY

MyEaglesNest.NET

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The story is, when D.H. Lawrence died his wife, Frieda, brought his ashes back to the U.S., where they would be kept on their ranch. When she arrived near Taos by train, she was met by friends who had come to transport her and D.H. to their destination. After hugs and condolences they started their journey. Ten minutes into the drive, Frieda asked suddenly, but calmly: “Who has D.H.?” The answer was no one. He had been left on the station platform. It’s a sweet story of love and forgetful-ness, and it came to mind the other day when I heard how Kathy Nickolaus, clerk of Waukesha County, suddenly remembered, a day and a half after the polls were closed, that she hadn’t sent the Brookfield vote total to Madison. Nickolaus apologized but then insisted it was a minor deal. “It’s not as if there were missing votes or something,” she opined. That’s the forgetting part. But it’s also clear she loves her job. Besides, Romona Kitzinger, the Democratic Party canvasser, told the press that the clerk’s figures jibed. The Brookfield votes changed the whole pic-ture. Kloppenburg had been 200 votes ahead at the end of the initial rough count, but the new total put Prosser more than 7,000 votes up, which, if it held, would make it unneces-sary for him to ask for a recount. It was also just enough so that Kloppenburg would have to pay for a recount, because only very close elections warrant free recounts. Prosser fans were quite satisfied with the result and gave thanks before enjoying their suppers. My first impulse was to drive to Brook-field and check out the scene. After all, Brookfield is one of the pleasant, well-off burbs that sidle up to Milwaukee, and I might even catch a ball game. But I had picked up a nail in the rear tire of my pickup, which killed that plan. Maybe I’ll do it next week. Instead I settled for a quiet afternoon visit with our own County Clerk, Ginny Dankmeyer. I took a list of questions with me and came away enlightened. In La Crosse County almost everyone votes on paper bal-lots, which are then read by an Eagle reader.

By Bob TreuSpecial to Second Supper

Round 7: Who Lost Brookfield?An elephant never forgets, but a Republican clerk in Waukesha County did

Best Tacos in TownTuesday, Thursday, Saturday

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1452 Caledonia St.On La Crosse’s North Side

Then the ballots themselves are kept under seal in the event of a recount or investigation happening. Ms. Dankmeyer even showed me one of the Eagle cassettes that record the election count. It looked like one of the old 8-track tapes on which we listened to the Everly Brothers long ago. She also explained that there is an effort to ensure bipartisan-ship among the poll watchers, but that it doesn’t always work. For example, a sudden illness could keep someone away. The next step is called canvassing, which is not at all like the door-to-door work we associate with electioneering. It is a pro-cess in which members of the two major parties check the total of ballots against the number of voters. The canvassers are also there to check on each other and the clerk. It’s an amiable event. That process is still go-ing on in the Supreme Court election and won’t be finished for a few days. Milwaukee County, for example, is still being canvassed. Normally it is the result of the canvas that determines whether a recount actually hap-pens. I eventually worked up the courage to ask Dankmeyer if she ever had complete and sole control over the results. She smiled and said there was a short time between the ar-rival of the tapes and the arrival of the other canvassers when she had the results to her-self. “It’d be stupid to try to change anything, however, because the paper ballots are still sealed.” It’s a pretty secure and orderly pro-cess. Not so in Waukesha County, where some of the voting is done on paper and some directly on touch screen computers. I have done a fair amount of reading about computer voting this last week and remain skeptical of the process. After all, I saw Robin Williams in Man of the Year. When I vote I want to make my marks on paper and then stuff the sheet into a box. Computers are to elections as Lawrence’s ashes are to the man. According to Bruce Schneier, one of the best heads on this topic, secret balloting on com-puters cannot be verified by humans. There is no known output to compare with elec-tion results. Worse news: a good hacker can get into a machine and change the program in less than a minute. Schneier suggests the problem could be overcome by an ATM-like machine that would produce a receipt to be kept for verification purposes. That would be no improvement, as far as I can see, over the process we use in La Crosse. Mayhem has followed direct computer voting everywhere. Florida, California, the United Kingdom and India have all had enormous difficulties. In 2004 California ac-tually sued Diebold for false claims of accura-cy and settled for about a million and a half dollars, after which they decertified all the machines. None of that casts any particular suspicions on Kathy Nickolaus and her role in the ongoing election. Still, Waukesha County has been com-plaining about their system for years, partly over accuracy issues and partly because Kathy Nickolaus is said to guard her “home-

made system” with some jealousy. At some point she moved the system from country network to personal computers in her of-fice. That makes canvassing difficult. Thus the much publicized confusion of Waukesha County Democratic Party canvasser Romona Kitzinger, who originally testified to the ac-curacy of Nickolaus’s count. Her word was ample proof of accuracy for about half the voters in the state. Kitzinger is 80 years old and claims to know nothing of computers, but she’s no dummy. Once she saw her words were lend-ing credibility to a bad situation, she insisted upon correcting herself. She said, “I was nev-er shown anything that would verify Kathy’s statement about the missing votes.” This is not how canvassing is supposed to work. Kathy Nicholaus carries a lot of bag-gage with her into the limelight. In 2002 she worked as a data analyst and computer spe-cialist for a Republican Caucus. Eventually she was granted immunity in the prosecu-tion of five caucus members for criminal ac-tivity. No one would deny she is a Republican loyalist. One intriguing note from the Brook-field Patch: city clerk Kristine Schmidt had the Brookfield polls switch to computers sometime in the afternoon of election day because of the expected heavy turnout. It isn’t likely the final canvassing will change the election to a Kloppenburg victo-ry, but it may well lead to a recount, whether of the whole state or just Waukesha County (a candidate may ask for a recount of par-ticular counties, rather than of the whole state). Even if it happens, a recount will not satisfy a great many voters, given the obscure nature of the Waukesha vote. There needs to be a thorough investigation of what went on. This Supreme Court race is more important than usual. It fills a seat that will likely swing decisions one way or another, potentially on the Budget Repair Bill itself. For some peo-ple it is clearly a referendum on our gover-nor, the breaking of unions, and all the bud-get proposals. A large Prosser victory will be seen as an endorsement of Walker, while a large Kloppenburg vote will seem significant even if she loses. She came out of nowhere and ended up doing much better than ex-pected. That will be true however the votes get counted finally. For now the Waukesha County vote blurs everything. A lot of us are already too cynical about our political life and uncertainty about our votes doesn’t help.

Author’s note: A reader suggested I was mistaken at the end of last week's piece when I said the re-count process was beginning. He thought I meant canvassing. I actually meant recount. A day or two after the election Fox News 11 reported that both candidates for the court position were gath-ering funds for a recount. In my definition, that marks the beginning of the process, especially since Wisconsin doesn't have automatic recounts. Our reader may legitimately see the process as only the actual recounting. Thus, in case others were mis-led, I offer this clarification.

Second Supper April 14, 2011 // 5COMMUNITY

"The lack of humility before nature that's be-ing displayed here, uh...staggers me."

— Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jurassic Park)

"Is it not enough for you to feed on the good pasture? Must you also trample the rest of your pasture with your feet? Is it not enough for you to drink clear water? Must you also muddy the rest with your feet? Must my flock feed on what you have trampled and drink what you have muddied with your feet?"

— Ezekial 34:18,19.

As mankind battles with fossil fuel de-pendency and environmental degradation, the responses from American policy makers and their big business campaign contribu-tors are increasingly cynical. To celebrate Earth Day a little in advance, the govern-ment has proposed giant cuts to the Environ-mental Protection Agency's budget. Many of the cuts appear to curtail efforts to regulate industrial pollution. Big Oil would not be outdone by their counterparts in the GOP. BP is looking to resume drilling in the Gulf of Mexico 15 months after the Deepwater Horizon disas-ter that has been all but forgotten thanks to their orgiastic billion dollar advertising campaign. Also, the smart money has gaso-line at $5 a gallon in most American cities by Memorial Day due to a price fixing racket among oil commodities investors. These are dark times for Mother Earth. The Titans are running amok and show no signs of slowing down. But all is not lost;

Beaten but not broken, peace to Mother Earth

spread the good news! We Wisconsinites have a rich tradition of fighting back for the environment. Earth Day was founded by Gaylord Nelson, longtime Wisconsin senator and governor. Before Nelson, the way was paved by men like Increase Lapham, John Muir and Robert La Follette. Today Wisconsinites are no different than they were in the glory days of envi-ronmental conservation. We have been led astray by false dichotomies that force us to choose between industry and the environ-ment. Those who use this type of rhetoric believe that it is the God-given right of man-kind to subjugate the Earth according to our needs. Good stewardship and sustainability have taken a backseat to industrial efficien-cy. It is in the headlines wherever you look. In 2010, massive recalls in the egg industry helped to expose chronic flagrant violations and regulatory corruption after hundreds of consumers were diagnosed with salmonella. These oversights, often intentional, are un-fortunately the new standard procedure and the cost of compliance often outweighs the risk of being fined. Thankfully, there is a growing consum-er driven movement toward a paradigm shift where sustainability and profitability are not mutually exclusive. The food industry has led the charge with the growth of successful programs like community supported agricul-ture combining the best of both worlds, local and organic. So, this Earth Week let us not ask what the Earth can do for us, instead let's do some-thing for the Earth. I suggest enjoying some of the good food and festivities planned by the La Crosse Earth Week Coalition.

By Ben DeLineSpecial to Second Supper

Earth Week 2011 begins with an Earth Fair on Saturday, April 16, at Myrick Hixon EcoPark. Activities and events will be held all over Myrick Park, including the EcoPark's EcoCenter, the Myrick park shelters, as well as tents set up around the park for vendors. If you like worms, you will love the ver-micomposting "live worms" display set up by the Hillview Urban Agriculture Center in the children's tent. Or if predators are more your thing, there is a live raptor demonstra-tion at in the EcoPark multipur-pose room. Live entertainment will in-clude a masterpiece musical It's Easy Being Green performed by third-grade students from South-ern Bluffs Elementary. Also on the bill is the inimitable Hans Meyer who will play smash hits like "My Brother Eats Bugs," "God Bless My Underwear," and "Look At Me I'm In An Airplane" Food vendors including the People's Food Co-op and The Root Note will provide munchies for the crowds. While digesting, check out a brilliant documentary The Story of Stuff which puts the "con" back in con-

sumer. If all that excitement isn't enough, "in-centives" are being planned to encourage walking, biking or taking alternative trans-portation to the Earth Fair. So saddle up your horse or grease up your bike chain. If you don't have bike chain grease, that’s OK too, because there will be free bicy-

cle safety inspections and tune-ups provided by Bikes Ltd. You can use that newly tuned up bike to check out the rest of the week’s activities. There will be a book talk at the People's Food Co-op community room on Tuesday discussing "Fruitless Fall," an examination of the honey bee crisis.

The La Crosse Public Library Audi-torium will host a showing of "Dirt" on Wednesday from 7 to 8 p.m. It’s not an auto-biography of Iggy Pop as you might imagine, instead it deals with the fascinating relation-ship between humans and living dirt.

For a full schedule of Earth Week events and a layout of the Myrick Hixon EcoPark, check out

www.GreenLaCrosse.com.

1. Buy local whenever you can. This saves transportation energy and encourages local growth.2. Fix water leaks. Save some water for the whales.3. Share rides. Carpooling is a win, win situ-ation.4. Turn off lights. Mom isn't just being a pain in the ass; keep the coal out of the at-mosphere.5. Choose to walk. What’s the hurry? Smell the roses.6. Compost. See the vermiculture display at the Earth Day celebration! Worms!7. Hang clothes on line. It’s summer time; let the whites get a nice tan.8. Recycle. Throw the aluminum can in the recycling bin instead of the trash next time, guy.9. Ride a bike. Take the neighbor’s dog for a walk, it obviously needs one.10. Plant trees.11. Insulate. Keep the heat in or out … de-pending on the day this time of year.12. Public transportation. We should still have this for a while unless we keep electing Richard Nixon clones like Scott Walker.13. High efficiency light bulbs. Technology!14. Adjust the thermostat.15. Maintain tire pressure. Save that gas.16. Use your own coffee cup.

— B.D.

614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601

Phone: (608) 782-7001Online: secondsupper.com

Publisher: Roger Bartelroger.bartel@secondsupper.com

Editor in Chief: Adam Bissen adam.bissen@secondsupper.com

Student Editor: Emily Faeth emily.faeth@secondsupper.com

Sales: Mike Keithmike.keith@secondsupper.com

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Regular Contributors: Amy Alkon, Erich Boldt, Jenn Bushman,

Nick Cabreza, Mary Catanese, Jason Crider, Ashly Conrad, Ben DeLine, Marcel Dunn,

Brett Emerson, Shuggypop Jackson, Jona-than Majak, Matt Jones, Briana Rupel, Julie Schneider, Stephanie Schultz, Nate Willer

Second Supper is a weekly alternative newspaper published by

Bartanese Enterprises LLC, 614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601

End the War on Nature!

Highlights of La Crosse Earth Week 2011

16 Easy Ways to Preserve the Planet

6// April 14, 2011 Second SupperMUSIC

WHAT: Mid West Music FestWHERE: 14 venues around Winona, Minn.WHEN: Friday April 14, 4 p.m.-midnight; Saturday April 15, noon-midnightWHO: Heiruspecs, Pert Near Sandstone, Roster McCabe, More Than Lights, Porcupine, Charlie Parr, Haley Bonar, The Pines, Fayme Rochelle & the Waxwings, Michelle Lynn, Nick Shattuck, F.Stokes, and over 100 other acts TICKETS: Two-day passes currently $25

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There were a lot of exciting rap groups that came through the Upper Midwest in the early part the last decade, but none of them could match the energy of Heiruspecs. Formed out of freestyle ses-sions at St. Paul Central High School, Heirus-pecs is much more than just a couple MCs and a DJ; they’re a full-fledged rap band prone to funky breakdowns and extended jams. They’re a bit like the Roots that way, but rather than being anchored by a drummer with an Afro, the star of a Heirus-pecs concert always seemed to be the bald, rotund funky white bass player named Sean “Twinkie Jiggles” McPherson. In advance of Heiruspec’s headling performance at the Mid West Music Fes-tival in Winona this weekend, we caught up with McPherson by telephone to discuss his history with Twin Cities hip-hop and how things have changed after nearly 15 years in the game.

SS: I was really excited to see your name on the Mid West Music Fest bill. Have you guys played Winona before?SM: Yes, we have. We played St. Mary’s Uni-versity a number of years ago, and we also played a place called, I believe, Rascals in Winona about 6 years ago. But compared to a lot of Minnesota cities we haven’t played it too much, so we’re certainly very excited to be coming down.

SS: Well I first saw Heiruspecs probably close to 10 years ago when I was going to school in Madi-son. You guys came around a whole lot back in the day, but I haven’t seen the name Heiruspecs on concert flyers for a while. What have you guys been up to?SM: I guess a little bit of diversifying as far as what the musical calendar for each of us as individuals looks like and also spending just a little bit more time at home. When you were seeing us 10 years ago, I was 20-years-old, probably. I’m 29 now. I still do some traveling, and Heiruspecs does some travel-ing, but we’ve also transferred into a group where we spend a little more time on record-ing, spend some time on other projects, and get out of town a little more sparingly.

SS: Being that the group’s been together for close to 15 years, does it feel different being on stage now as opposed to when you were first getting started?

Adam Bissenadam.bissen@secondsupper.com

After a decade, Heiruspecs still puts the hop in hip-hop

SM: Probably the stage thing is what feels the least different. Sometimes I think when you do something that is just really at the core of who you want to be, that doesn’t always change. Does it feel completely different driving to gigs, selling merch afterwards, recording records? A lot of that stuff does feel pretty different. But the actual act of jumping up on stage and doing what we do — sure our songs change, but we have that same youthful energy that we had coming out of high school. On stage it still feels the same way.

SS: How is driving to gigs is a different experience?SM: When you’re driving to the gigs, and what you’re driving away from is a job you don’t care too much about and no girlfriend and an apartment you share with six dudes, and your favorite thing that you do in the world is go out on the road with Heiruspecs — you just go “Unghh!” and you’re cracking jokes the whole time and playing tricks at the gas station, just doing what everyone does in their young 20s. And that’s just not neces-sarily where we’re at now. It’s a lot more of “Check out this podcast I got,” or really qui-etly listening to a record. We’re all now in jobs that we definitely care about and are im-portant to us, so we’ll have discussions about other things. That whole thing feels differ-ent, man. I don’t have a lot of patience for bands who pretend that they’re 22-years-old for their whole career, you know. We aren’t trying to go necessarily to the afterparty with a bunch of people who are 10 years young-er than us. It might be “Oh, have you guys thought about what restaurant you want to go to?”

SS: Heiruspecs came up in what’s regarded as the golden age of Twin Cities hip-hop. There was Atmosphere and Rhymesayers getting off the ground, Blueprint, Brother Ali, Eyedea and Abli-ties, P.O.S. What was it like being in the middle of all that when everything was starting to pop off?SM: Spectacular. It was a great time to be a creative person in the Twin Cities — just a lot of connections between groups, a lot of friendships, and I really liked what they were all doing. And so it was wonderful. A lot of those people are now in different places of their careers, whether they have moved on and are playing less shows, playing more shows, but that bond that formed with a lot of those people is a really valuable thing, and it’s still at the center of my musical and social community.

SS: But Heiruspecs was always different from those groups in that you were always all about the live instruments. There wasn’t a DJ. It is you on a bass, a guitar player, a couple drummers. What can you get from the live band setting that you can’t get from samples or synthesizers or drum machines?SM: Some of the big things are the way you can compose, it’s pretty different. You can say “I like this part, but let’s move it up a half step,” or “Let’s speed it up in this section.” Just the flexibility and the organic-ness that you’re afforded with a live band is pretty good. People talk a lot about how it changes for our live show, how you can really up the energy and things are going to sound better coming out of the system. But I really like the compositional changes too.

SS: What’s the future of Heiruspecs? Will you guys be recording or touring more?SM: Yep. We are working on our new record, which is tentatively titled We Are the Future and We Know It. We’ve been doing demos for a year-plus working with string players, horn players as well as on our own. We’ve made 65-plus beats, and our rappers have been cutting demos over those beats, and we’ve just started the process of practicing them and turning these shared ideas into cohesive songs that we really support. It’s not set-a-release-date time, but we have been in the studio putting the stuff together, and it’s pretty exciting.

SS: Any plans to get back out on the road, or will you guys be sticking to Minnesota for a while?SM: I think the plans for Heiruspecs are pret-ty based on short weekend runs. Surround-ing records always turn into longer than a weekend run, and some coastal stuff. But our default at this point is really weekends in the Midwest. The Midwest is really where we’ve stabilized most of our fans, and it’s a place we never really want to give up on. As long as people still care about the band, we want to treat the Midwest properly. But we’re not going to be doing month-long tours or things like that. I’m doing that in other en-sembles, like I’m playing for Dessa and we’re definitely doing that. But for Heiruspecs at this point, the main work that we feel we have left as a band is with the studio and with taking care of our fans in the Midwest.

Second Supper April 14, 2011 // 7ARTS

Who has the best jukebox in town?Cast your vote in our second-annual Best of La Crosse ballot.

COMING SOON!

By Jonathan Majakjonathan.majak@secondsupper.com

Oh Donald Trump, it takes a special man to get into a feud with Dr. Cliff Huxtable doesn’t it? As you very well know, Donald Trump has taken a break from sweeping his hair over to the side, slapping his name on any building within a 10-mile radius of him and handing out pink slips to celebrities to make an alleged run for the White House. Trump has being stumping for his cause all over television and in the process ruffled a few feathers. In honor of this, we’ve put to-gether this little Mixtape titled “Comb On Over, Baby.” First up, we bring you “You Can Count on Me” from Panda Bear’s new album “Tom-boy” since this is basically Donald Trump’s message as he goes all over the place to talk about his hypothetical run for the White House. Donald Trump, at his core, is an at-tention whore with a flair for self-promotion that we haven’t really seen since the magi-cal days of PT Barnum. With appearances at Republican events as well as several TV interviews, Trump is doing his best to get his message out, which basically consists of having his name somewhere in a headline. Hey, people have gotten further on less lofty

The Majak Mixtape

goals. Anyway, in the midst of these interviews, Donald Trump has decided to make a play for the notorious “birthers” section of the Re-publican Party who continue to believe that President Obama wasn’t born in the United States. This leads us to “A Matter of Time” from the Foo Fighters’ new album “Wasting Light” since we were pretty certain it was only a matter of time that Trump would say something about President Obama’s birth. Trump has never been what you would call a subtle person so why wouldn’t try to make a power grab by making a comment almost as ugly as his hairdo. This swipe at Obama has apparently led to some friction between Trump and Bill Cosby, resulting in one of the strangest celebrity feuds since Betty White told a Brit-ish magazine she didn’t like Lindsay Lohan (which whatever, Lindsay is BARELY on Team Lohan at this point) and our last song choice, “I Heard You Say” from Vivian Girls’ new album “Share the Joy.” Bill Cosby told reporters he thought Trump’s hemming and hawing about his run was annoying (TRUTH) while Trump thinks that Cosby is being two-faced. All we can say is that it takes a brave man to risk his free Jello pudding connection for political aspirations.

Buy: “Build a Rocket Boys” YouTube: Beastie Boys “Fight For Your Right Revisited” trailer Read: I Hope Your Ears Bleed, www.ihopeyourearsbleed.com

Get your daily dose of the Majak Mixtape at www.majakkingdom.blogspot.com

In Viterbo’s splendid production of Brendan Behan’s “The Hostage,” being held against one’s will has never looked like such raucous and wonderful good time as the show details when a British soldier is held prisoner in an extremely quirky pub while characters await the fate of a teen member of the IRA who is to be executed in the morn-ing. Yeah, the description doesn’t sound like a laugh riot on the surface but under the sharp direction of David Gardiner and the talents of the large cast, “The Hostage” is less a play and more a full-tilt experience. From the moment you walk into the Black Box Theatre, you are transported to a different time and place due to the gor-geous set design by Frank Ludwig as well as the cast mingling about, chatting amongst the audience as their characters. In fact, the on-going interaction between cast and audi-ence makes the show, which has a run time of three hours with two intermissions, feel a lot shorter than it is. The truly exceptional thing about the show is that with a 17-person cast, every ac-tor, at some point, steals the show with a mo-ment. As the Pub’s owners, Brian Pekol and Chelsea McManimon-Moe have an easy rap-port with one another that easily flits from put-downs to support; the duo continues to show their true gift at comedy that they

showed off earlier this season in “Servant of Two Masters” for Pekol and “25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee” for McMani-mon-Moe. As the star crossed lovers of a Brit-ish soldier and an Irish lodger at the pub, Scott Gibson-Uebele and Lauren Omernik take a storyline that could’ve slowed down the fun and instead bring a vigor to it. The rest of the cast is populated with a flurry of wonderful performances like Matt Springer’s wonderfully oblivious military man to Molly Pach and Michael Birr’s lusty missionaries to Joey Miller’s leather pants sporting Pub tenant and Jhardon Milton’s turn as sequin dress loving Princess Grace. The whole cast brings an infectious energy to the piece that allows the story oscillate between serious and comedic in the same breath without giving you tonal whiplash. Credit should also be given to Viterbo’s Rick Walters who worked on the production as a dialect coach. While the accents some-times muddle a little of the dialogue, they also sound pretty authentic, which was one of my chief concerns that show was going to be three hours of Tom Cruise in “Far and Away.” Or the Lucky Charms spokesman. So get taken in by “The Hostage.” But be careful, you might not ever want to be freed.

“The Hostage” runs today through Sunday with 7:30 p.m. shows today through Saturday and a 2 p.m. matinee Sunday. Tickets are $10.

By Jonathan Majakjonathan.majak@secondsupper.com

Huge cast shines in Viterbo's 'Hostage'

It’s difficult to listen to this sprawling, ambitious work as anything other than a mu-sical. The narrative that runs throughout A Wall Street Odyssey, one chronicling a yup-pie named Yossarian’s break from privileged aristocracy to become – and let’s not mince words here – a full blown utopian pagan hippie, is so heavy-handed that one really can’t listen to these songs as songs. This is a shame, because there are a few tracks on A Wall Street Odyssey that would stand very well on their own were they not weighed

Medium: AlbumStimulus: Epigene — A Wall Street OdysseyAnno: 2011

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down so much by the big picture. The main story is divided almost right down the middle into two halves with com-pletely different styles. The first side de-scribes Yossarian’s slow meltdown as a re-sult of being such a corporate drone, and the songs are often very speedy electronic compositions. While the lyricism, with all of Yossarian’s gnashing and wailing, can get a bit out of hand, the music in this stretch of songs is very good. Unfortunately, this makes things all the more unsettling when “Brother, Take My Hand” starts the hero’s sharp veer into becoming a rather smug, rose-colored ruralist, paralleling the album’s mellowing out. Again, the music on this second half isn’t bad; the songs are just too preoccupied with getting a point across to be entertaining. Maybe the conceptual aspects of A Wall Street Episode would be better portrayed in a live musical performance. As an album, it’s more than a bit thorny.

— Brett Emerson

8// April 14, 2011 Second SupperMUSIC

GEORGE WINSTON // APRIL 21Pabst Theatre • $29.50

YELLOWCARD // APRIL 22The Rave • $20-$25

TRAMPLED BY TURTLES // APRIL 22Turner Hall • $15

THE NATIONAL // APRIL 26Riverside Theatre • $29.50

DEFTONES, DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN // APRIL 29The Rave • $25-$30

SOCIAL DISTORTION // MAY 7The Rave • $29-$35

just a roadie awaymusic directory // April 15 to April 21FRIDAY,

4 SISTERS // 100 Harborview PlazaTerry & Marty (husband/wife duo) • 7:30 p.m.

DEWEY'S // 621 St. Paul St.CODY (rock) • 8 p.m.

FREIGHT HOUSE // 107 Vine St.La Barge (father/daughter duo) • 6 p.m.

PEARL STREET BREWERY // 1401 St. Andrew St.Adam Palm (hitmaker) • 5 p.m.

PIGGY'S BLUES LOUNGE // 501 Front St. S.Sena Ehrhardt Band (blues) • 8 p.m.

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St.More Than Lights (hip-hop) • 10 p.m.

THE JOINT // 324 Jay St.Hallowed Ground (rock) • 10 p.m.

THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S.Slow Skate, Thistle & the Thorns, Em-ber Schrag (indie folk) • 8:30 p.m.

THE WATERFRONT TAVERN // 328 Front St.The New Jazz Infidels (quartet) • 8 p.m.

April 15

SATURDAY,

HOWIE'S // 1125 La Crosse St.Flashback (hair band) • 9 p.m.

JB'SSPEAKEASY // 717 Rose St.Dan Tedesco and the Long Haul (rock) • 10 p.m.

MY SECOND HOME // 2104 George St.Paxico (rock) • 8 p.m.

NELL'S CITY GRILL // 1111 S. Third St.Karl Friedline (baritone) • 6 p.m.

PIGGY'S BLUES LOUNGE // 501 Front St. S.Sena Ehrhardt Band (blues) • 8 p.m.

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St.Far-Outs (classic rock) • 10 p.m.

PUMP HOUSE // 119 King St.Lou and Peter Berryman (folk) • 7:30 p.m.

April 16 THURSDAY,

BOOT HILL PUB // 1501 St. Andrew St.Paul Leithold, Gary Urness (jazz) • 5:30 p.m.

CAVALIER LOUNGE // 114 5th Ave. N.Greg Balfany (jazz) • 5 p.m.

DEL’S BAR // 229 Third St.Andy from TUGG (acoustic) • 10 p.m

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St.Paule (2-night stand) • 10 p.m.

STATE ROOM // 128 N. Third St.Derek Ramnarace (songwriter) • 8 p.m.

THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S.Open Mic Night • 8:30 p.m.

THE STARLITE LOUNGE // 222 Pearl St.Kies and Kompanie (jazz) • 5 p.m.

April 21

This Saturday night the Pump House will host two Wisconsin treasures, Lou and Peter Berryman. Appleton natives, the Berrymans were married in the ‘60s, fled to Canada for a five-year “honeymoon,” divorced, returned to Madison and continued a nearly 30-year performing career that has included nearly 20 albums worth of original, hilariously Midwestern folk songs. They are Prairie Home Companion favorites, and for good reason. You’d be hard-pressed to find more original, prodigious songwriters in any genre — and did we mention that every song is performed on a 12-string guitar and accordion? The show begins at 7:30 p.m. Tickets are $18, $21 or $25, depending on membership status.

SUNDAY,

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St.Som'n Jazz (Som’n) • 10 p.m.

LA CROSSE PUBLIC LIBRARY // 800 Main St.Special Export Barbershop Quartet (Music on a Sunday Afternoon) • 1:30 p.m.

THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S.Bryan Rogers (folk) • 7 p.m.

April 17

WEDNESDAY,

CAVALIER LOUNGE // 114 5th Ave. N.Chris Bucheit (jazz) • 5 p.m.

April 20

MONDAY,

JB'SSPEAKEASY // 717 Rose St.Hip-hop open mic • 10 p.m.

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St.Shawn's Open jam • 10 p.m.

THE WAREHOUSE // 324 Pearl St.Tommy and the High Pilots, Anten-nas Up, Small Town Hope (rock) • 8 p.m.

April 18

TUESDAY,

LA CROSSE CENTER // 300 S. Second St.Sir Elton John (icon) • 6:30 p.m.

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St.Dave Orr (open jam) • 10 p.m.

THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S.3rd Relation Jazz Trio (jazz) • 7 p.m.

THE JOINT // 324 Jay St.Adam Palm (acoustic hits) • 6 p.m.

April 19

RED PINES BAR & GRILL // W7305 Hwy ZGuitar Logic (acoustic rock) • 7:30 p.m.

RIVER JACK'S //1835 Rose St.Trunk Monkeys (rock) • 8 p.m.

THE JOINT // 324 Jay St.Trunk Monkeys (rock; 2011 Spring Flood Run) • 11 a.m.

THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S.Stephanie Nilles (piano rock) • 8:30 p.m.

THE WAREHOUSE // 324 Pearl St.Ron Pope, Ari Herstand, Zak Berkman (songwriters) • 7 p.m.

THE WATERFRONT TAVERN // 328 Front St.The New Jazz Infidels (quartet) • 8 p.m.

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DEL’S BAR // 229 Third St.The Cheech Project • 10 p.m.

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St.Paule (highjinks) • 10 p.m.

RECOVERY ROOM // 901 7th St. S.Kin Pickin' (jam grass) • 10 p.m.

Second Supper April 14, 2011 // 9

Heineken Lager BeerHeineken BrouwerijenAmsterdam, Holland

The Beer Review

I am presently laying on my couch with my left leg propped up on the armrest. I’ve spent the better part of 24 hours in this ex-act position, although the Ace bandage is new and I’m taking a break from the ice pack. Yes, friends, I sprained my ankle. I’d like to say it happened as a byproduct of do-ing something awesome, like battling union-busting thugs or running down a beer truck, but I actually got it from the least badass of all hobbies, Frisbee. In my own defense I was playing ultimate Frisbee, but I’m going to place a lion’s share of the blame on the La Crosse Park and Rec Department for allow-

ing a three-foot pothole to manifest in the outfield of Weigent Park. Graciously I will spare them a lawsuit, but you readers are just going to have to sit through another column where I bitch about my current standing in life. You all know that I prefer to select fresh, innovative, delicious beers for review, but I’m afraid I won’t have that opportunity this week. I am couch-bound and forced to pick through leftovers in my fridge, which unfortunately consists exclusively of Heinek-en. I’m not sure what it is about this beer, probably some combination of the classy green glass, red star and obviously foreign name, but there appears to be a widespread belief that Heineken doesn’t actually suck balls. With all due respect to the lady who brought a six-pack to our BBQ and kindly donated the leftovers, this is just a god-awful

beer, especially when it gets warm. So let me put my ankle up and get slamming! Purchase: Three bottles of Heineken Lager, found in my refrigerator Style: European pale lager Strength: 5 percent ABV Packaging: Give credit where it’s due, Heineken does have one of the world’s icon-ic beer brands with a stout green bottle, tall label with plenty of Dutch writing and a Mao-approved star in the center of it. Appearance: I don’t feel like hobbling into the kitchen, and I’d probably feel even more disheartened if I poured myself a pint. That Heineken is transparent even through colored glass says enough. Aroma: There’s distinct grainy, sulfer-y aroma that I can only compare to an after-noon drive behind City Brewery, although a kiss of noble hops to give it that faintly Euro-

pean flair. Taste: The crisp flavor of grain husks gives way to malty sweetness before a drying out on a finish of backhanded hops. Mouthfeel: Medium-bodied Drinkability: When Heinekens are ice cold, you can suck them down without tast-ing much of anything. Kid Rock could drink about 15. Ratings: BeerAdvocate grades this a C, while RateBeer scores it an absolutely hilari-ous 8. This is an average-to-poor imported lager (although it pairs nicely with chips and salsa), but for the love of God, could someone please get me a beer?

— Adam Bissen

YOUR GUIDE TO CONSUMPTION

The Best Food & Drink Specials in TownLOCATION SUNDAY MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAYBODEGA BREW PUB122 4th St.782-0677

$2 BBQ Pork Sliders 2-Fers, Buy any regularly priced food item and get one of equal or lesser value for free

$4 Rueben Sliders Fish Tacos: 1 / $2.50, 2 / $5.00, 3 / $6.50.

BROTHERS306 Pearl St. 784-0522

CLOSED$1 Wells, $5 Domestic pitchersAll specials 9 p.m. to close

Wristband Night: AUC2D domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands. All specials 9 p.m. to close

15-cent wings, $1.50 Keystone Lights, $1.50 rail mixers; $2.50 call drinks. 2 For 1 CaptainsAll specials 9 p.m. to close.

Wristband Night: AUC2D, Domestic taps, rail mixers and Long Islands. $2.50 SoCo & Jack. All specials 9 to close.

$1 Bazooka Joes, $2 Cherry Bombs, $3 Long Islands, $3 3 Olives Mixers All specials 9 to close.

$1 Bazooka Joes, $2 Cherry Bombs, $3 Long Islands, $3 Bacardi Mixers All specials 9 to close.

CARLIE'S ON THIRD115 3rd St. S782-7550

CLOSED CLOSED CLOSED5 domestic taps for $1; $2 domestic pitchers

$2 domestic pints and $2 rail mix-ers; $1 shots of Doctor (3 flavors);

All specials 9 to close. $3 Bacardi mixers; $3 Three Olives vocka mixers (8 flavors); $2 domes-tic pints and $2 rail mixers

EAGLES NEST1914 Campbell Road782-7764

$5 domestic pitchers $1.50 domestic taps and rail drinks, 4 p.m. to close

Bird Brain Trivia 8 p.m.; $1.50 do-mestic bottles and rails 4 p.m. to close

Wing Night - 25-cent wings (dine-in only); $1 Miller High Life silos and PBR silos; $1.50 taps and rail drinks; $2 craft taps. All specials 4 to close.

$1.50 domestic bottles and rail drinks, $2 craft bottles, 4 p.m. to close

Happy Hour: 2 for 1 domestic bottles and rail drinks, 3 p.m. to 9 p.m.

Karaoke 9 p.m. to close

FEATURESW3923 State Highway 16786-9000

Free Beer: 5:30-6:30 p.m.Free Wings: 6:30-7:30 p.m.Free Bowling: After 9 p.m.

Taco buffet 11-2;$1 Pabst bottles and $1 bowling after 9

All you care to eat pizza buffet, 11-2(Holmen)

All you care to eat fish fry 4-10; un-limited Glow-N-Bowl $9.99

Prime rib dinner 4-10; unlimited Glow-N-Bowl $9.99

FISH'S BAR & GRILL1452 Caledonia St.782-6446

Bar Menu Bar Menu La Crosse's Best Tacos:Beef $2, Chicken $2.50

Bar Menu La Crosse's Best Tacos:Beef $2, Chicken $2.50Dog in a Diaper, $5

Fish’s Fish Taco $3.50 La Crosse's Best Tacos:Beef $2, Chicken $2.50Chimis and Burritos, $5

FLIPSIDE PUB & GRILL400 Lang Drive784-2242

All you can eat wings, includes a choice of potatoe, slaw and a frosted pint, 4-9:30 p.m., $8.99

Wisconsin cheese steak sandwich with a pint of beer, $8.99

Ladies Night, $1 off all drinks, 4 to close; Pint-Aritas $3 (lime or straw-berry)

All you can eat boneless wings, in-cludes a choice of potatoe, slaw and a frosted pint, 4-9:30 p.m., $8.99

HOWIE’S1125 La Crosse St. 784-7400

Happy hour 4 to 9 p.m.; 9 p.m. to close: Night Before Class - $3 pitch-ers of the beast

9 p.m. to close: $3.50 domestic pitchers

9 p.m. to close: $1 rails, $2.50 pitch-ers, beer pong

$5 all you can drink 9 p.m. to close: $1.25 rails, $1.75 bottles/cans

9 p.m. to close: $2 Captain mixers, $2 bottles/cans, $3 Jager bombs

9 p.m. to close: $2 Bacardi mixers, $2 domestic pints, $1.50 shots blackberry brandy

IMPULSE214 Main St. 782-6010www.impulseoflacrosse.com

CLOSED CLOSED$5 AUC2D wristbands: domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands, 9 p.m. to close; ($7 after 11p.m.): karaoke 10 p.m. to close

$5 AUC2D wristbands: domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands, 9 p.m. to close; ($7 after 11p.m.): karaoke 10 p.m. to close

Free Wing Night (while supplies last); $5 AUC2D wristbands: domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands, 9 p.m. to close ($7 after 11p.m.):; live DJ

$5 AUC2D Wristbands 9 p.m. to close ($10 after 11p.m.): Domestic Taps, Rail Mixers, Long Islands;Live DJ, Dancing 9 p.m. to close

$5 AUC2D Wristbands 9 p.m. to close ($10 after 11p.m.): Domestic Taps, Rail Mixers, Long Islands;Live DJ, Dancing 9 p.m. to close

JB’S SPEAKEASY717 Rose St.796-1161

$1.75 domestic bottles, $1.75 Dom bottles and rails, $2.50 Bombs

Monday Madness: $1.75 domestics and rails, $2.50 Bombs, $1 off all top shelf and specialty beers

Tuesday Boozeday $1 off all liquor drinks and 50 cents off all shots, $2 Bombs

Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m. Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m. Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m. Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m.

SCHMIDTY’S3119 State Road788-5110

$1.79 burger (after 8 p.m.)Breakfast 8 a.m. to 2 p.m.

Hat Night: Buy 1 drink, get 1 free w/ hat (4:30 to close); $1.50 chili dogs (after 8 p.m.)

Rail drinks $2 (4:30 to close); After 8 p.m. specials: $5 skewer of shrimp,l $1.79 burger, $1.50 chili dogs

Buckets of beer $10, Boston Bobby's drummies 10 for $2 (4:30 to close), $1.79 burger (after 8 p.m.)

Margaritas $4 (Straw, rasp, mango, peach and reg); After 8 p.m. specials: $5 skewer of shrimp, $1.79 burger

Breakfast 8 a.m. to 2 p.m.; lunch buffet 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., $6.99

SLOOPY'S ALMA MATER163 Copeland Ave. 785-0245

$1.50 Tacos, $4.99 nachos;: $11 buckets during pro and college foot-ball games.

Tacos: $11 buckets during pro and college football games. Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m.; $2 pints all day

12-inch pizza $8.99Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m.

14-inch pizza, $2 off;WingsHappy Hour 2 to 6 p.m.

$1.89 hamburger + toppings Ladies night, 2 for 1 drinks (6-close), Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m.

Fish Dinner Special-$7.89 Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m.

$1.50 Tacos, $4.99 nachos; $11 buckets during pro and college foot-ball games.

THE LIBRARY123 3rd St.784-8020

$1 Taps & Rails during the game ; $6 wristbands starting at 7pm.

Half price tequilla, $1 domestic taps and rails

K$2 Double rails and all bottles; $3 Double call drinks

Wristband night, $2 cherry bombs, 50¢ shots (3 flavors); $2.50 Tuaca, Jack Daniel's & SoCo Mixers

$3 Bacardi mixers & $4 wristbands after midnight

$3 Three Olives Mixers & $4 wrist-bands after midnight

TOP SHOTS137 4th St.782-6622

$5 Pitchers/$2 bottles of Miller prod-ucts (11-4pm) $2 Corona Bottles, $2 Kilo Kai Mixers , $3 Bloodys (7-1 a.m.)

$1.75 Miller/Bud Light Taps, $2.25 MIcro/Craft Taps, $2.50 Cherry Bombs (7-1 a.m.)

$1.75 Rails, $1.50 Domestic Taps, $3.50 Jager Bombs (7-1 a.m.)

$2 domestic bottles, $2.50 Skyy/Absolut mixers, $2 Dr. shots (7-1 a.m.)

5 Domestic Bottles for $10, $5 Micro/Import Bottles $11.50, $7 Micro/Craft Pitchers (7-1 a.m.)

$2 Captain Mixers, $2. Long Island Mixers, $3 Effen Vodka Mixers (7-1 a.m.)

$5 Miller/Bud Light Pitchers, $2.25 Leinies Bottles (7-1 a.m.)

POPCORN TAVERN308 4th St. S. 782-9069

$2.50 Captain mixers $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans

$1.75 PBR Bottles$2.50 Captain mixers$2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans

$2.50 Captain mixers $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans

$2.50 Captain mixers $2 Grain Belt

$2 Coors & Coors Light Bottles, $2.50 Skyy mixers, $2.50 Captain mixers $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans

$2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans

WHO'S ON THIRD126 3rd St. N.782-9467

Happy Hour until 10 p.m.$1.50 domestic taps, $2 rails from 10 to close

$1.50 taps PBR, $1.50 rails $2 domestic bottles, $3 call doubles

$2 taps, $3 Jack and Captain doubles

$2 Miller products,$8.50 fish bowls

$2 domestic taps,$3 Three Olives products

10// April 14, 2011 Second SupperDIVERSIONS

25 Silver-tongued26 NYC art center27 Sign of shouting?31 Side adventure33 O followers35 Use as a reference36 Spam content, often37 The A of A.D.39 "Gotcha"40 Body part that dangles41 Morales of "NYPD Blue"46 Narrow in the light48 Natural gas com-ponent50 Egyptian fertility goddess51 Red astronomical body52 Frozen food or cereal, e.g.53 "___ Gold" (1997 Peter Fonda film)54 Insects that can become "zombies" via different fungi55 One-named Greek59 Rich soil60 French greeting61 Scottish girl63 Gal. divisions64 180, casually65 Knave

©2011 Jonesin' Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com)

ACROSS1 Graffiti artist who didn't win a 2011 Os-car (which made the identity-reveal specu-lation a non-event)7 "I Can Haz Cheez-burger?" critter13 Treat as the same14 Person forced out of a country16 Marathon partici-pant17 Nickname for a standoffish woman18 His job is stealth19 Bartlett's attrib.20 Suffix for sex or absurd21 2007 coin with a peregrine falcon on it25 Yukon XL manu-facturer

28 ___ Kippur29 Seasoned guy30 Shape of some bak-ing pans32 Little refresher34 Frappuccino flavor38 It's hidden (but suggested) in job interviews42 Foundation43 They're parked in parks44 Laurel of Laurel & Hardy45 "The Legend of Zelda" console, for short47 Abu Dhabi's coun-try, for short49 Prefix with skeleton50 Clarity measured in digital photos56 Money source for

the disabled: abbr.57 Forearm bone58 Designation of some meat markets62 "How nice and peaceful!"65 ___ oil66 Packet near a soup bowl67 Historical records68 Turns back to 0000069 One of Mars's moons DOWN 1 Swiss capital2 Here in Mexico3 Former senator Sam4 Pictogram system in Japanese writing5 Stable6 "___ darn tootin'!"7 ___ Sportif8 Become less re-served9 Latin abbr. meaning "he/she speaks"10 Hero of the 1986 BMX movie "Rad"11 Bit the dust12 Actress/burlesque artist Dita von ___14 Wilma and Pebbles' pet15 ___'acte19 Sportscaster Rashad22 Top of the line23 Gives guns to24 LeVar Burton miniseries

"IQ Test"Apply your smarts here

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Second Supper April 14, 2011 // 11

$1.75 - Miller/Bud Taps$2.25 Micro/Craft Taps$2.50 Cherry Bombs(7-1am)

$5 Miller Lite/Bud Light Pitchers$2.25 Leinies Bottles (7-1am)

top shots joke of the week

Good People, Good Drinks, Good Times

SUNDAY TUESDAY THURSDAYMONDAY WEDNESDAY FRIDAY$5 Pitchers $2 Bottles of Miller Products (11-4 pm)$2 Corona Bottles$2 Kilo Kai Mixers $3 Bloody’s (7-1am)

$1.75 Rails$1.50 Domestic Taps$3.50 Jager Bombs(7-1am)

$2 Domestic Bottles$2.50 Skyy/AbsoluteMixers$2 Dr. Shots (7-1am)

5 Domestic Bottles 4 $10$5 Micro/Import Bottles$11.50, $7 Micro/CraftPitchers (7-1am)

$2 Captain Mixers$2 Long Islands$3 E�en VodkaMixers (7-1am)

Check outour new Beers

on Tap!

SATURDAY

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To escape the horrible conditions at the Tyson Foods processing plant.

COMMUNITY

Right Wing NutsBy Brett Emersonbrett.emerson@secondsupper.com

Any group of any kind is only as legiti-mate as its loudest, dumbest, most destruc-tive member. When this rule is applied to to-day’s Republican Party, well, shit. America’s doomed. Let’s call a spade a spade: the of-ficial party of the right wing has become the party for ignorance, the party for imposed desperation, the party for small affluence and widespread poverty, the party for theoc-racy, the party for serfhood and feudalism, and most importantly the party that cannot exist without an ocean of second-class citi-zens. It’s not even that good at enacting its much-professed ideals of fiscal responsibility and anti-bureaucracy anymore. And some-how, this party tends to get its way. What pisses me off most about all this is that the Republican Party is now the party of the insane. The political buzzword used to be the naïve, idealistic Bleeding Heart Liberal, but with the infestation of the Tea Party into Republican politics, today’s politi-cal jackasses tend to be Heart Attack Conser-

vatives, people who care less about facts and self-interest than they do about having a plat-form to screech and hate. The worst thing about the real life In-ternet trolls of the Tea Party is that they’ve become a black hole in the public discourse. They’re the loud, disruptive kids in class who derail the teacher and prevent everyone else from learning. Scratch that; they’re the loud, disruptive kids in class who infect everyone else in class until all that’s left is a classroom full of shrieking idiots drawing dicks on the blackboard. And like all things zombie-relat-ed, there’s a huge audience that hangs on their every act of faux-rebellious douchebag-gery. The obvious victims of this outbreak are gays, Mexicans, Muslims, women, the poor, the compassionate, and the sane. But I’m wondering if an equally important victim of the unhinging of the right wing is the right wing itself. I’ve been watching the looming embar-rassment that is the 2012 presidential elec-tion cycle, in which the few Republicans who are gearing up to run against Obama are doing their best to out-crazy one another. It’s awful. Only in a politically retarded land-scape as ours could a batshit vampire lady like Michelle Bachmann gain any sort of credence among those who don’t sleep in padded cells. Worse still, we have one of the richest men in the world, Donald Trump, running on a platform of lowest common denominator and howling about Obama’s birth certificate in a thin attempt to slum with the crazies. At the moment, these

people are the front-runners, which to me speaks ill of America on the whole, not just the Republicans. It might be satisfying to anticipate the Wagnerian spanking the Republicans will receive in 2012 if these candidates are the best it has to offer, but I can’t shake this sense of something approaching disgusted pity for them. (The image in my head is of how I’d react to a shit-covered schizophrenic who just punched me in the mouth, if that helps.) I’ve never, ever liked the Republi-cans, but when there’s an election, I expect each party to put forth the most competent candidate they have to offer. I demand real Republican candidates, not crackheads who would have been laughed out of any other race in history. The problem is ultimately larger than the right wing. The public doesn’t want competence or ability; they want elected of-ficials whom they can have a beer with, rep-resentatives who are just folks, rulers who are just like them. Let me say, at the top of my text lungs, that the Beer Standard is the most bullshit criteria in politics (and not just because I’m a vodka drinker). I don’t want elected officials to be just as good as every-one else. I’d like them to be a damn sight better. I never believe that a political pun-dit is as nuts as he or she appears to be. I guarantee that if the Beer Standard wasn’t the law of the land, most of our Republican candidates for president wouldn’t be locked in this quagmire of Tea Party-calculated psy-chosis. Our country might have a good deal

more self-respect. I might be wrong, though. Maybe it is a good thing that the worst of the right wingers have gained the overconfidence to expose themselves as the repressive cavemen they are. I know that time gives things that were intolerable in the present a sort of re-spectability in the past (see: George W. Bush, the Backstreet Boys), but the McCarthy, Goldwater, and Reagan Republicans weren’t any more saintly for not having to appease all the raving lunatics. It’s not as though most of the Tea Party’s cells, despite their claims to be grassroots movements, aren’t corporate funded screechshows. The tactics may have changed, but maybe the right wing is running the same plan as ever. Yet assuming that the madness of the last decade isn’t an insidious Republican conspiracy to keep people angry and distract-ed, it’s not the liberals who must be the key players in curbing the Tea Party. In his con-flicts with the wild and populist movements during his presidency, Nixon appealed to a “silent majority” of sober, conservative Americans to stand up and be heard. That’s precisely what is called for in this moment — a real conservative movement, comprised of people more concerned with policy over polarization, which will stand up and put the Tea Party infants (and, ideally, the Republi-cans they rose up against) back in their cribs. The liberals can laugh and mock and loathe all they want, but ultimately it is the right wing that is responsible for cleaning up its own mess.

12// April 14, 2011 Second Supper

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THE LAST WORDfairy tale that marriage is a forever relationship.

— Compartmentalizing I must have missed that fairy tale — the one where the couple get married and go off to live happily ever after in the house with the white picket fence and the 2.5 boyfriends. Two years into your marriage, your husband took early retirement from sex, deeming it “too much work.” Well, sure, it takes some elbow grease, but it isn’t exactly picking lettuce in the hot sun for $3 an hour. Although he refuses to even discuss this any further, you keep him on staff — as your Vice President of The Illusion of Safety and Security. Keeping him on your payroll allows you to play both sides of the street — married and taken and single and available. Single and available allows you your flingy fun. Still being married allows you to stay in himbo limbo — avoiding anything more emotionally risky or stressful than retreating to your couch to wait for your mythical soulmate to fall into your life like a meteorite. The truth is, there are probably various men who are compatible with you in important ways, but there is no such thing as a soulmate — no one perfect partner whose mere presence in your life will dry up all your problems like a big tube of Clearasil. No matter how compatible two people are, things will never be as hot long term as they were at the start, but they’re the unhottest for those who think a great

Nodding off hill I’ve been married for 10 years. I’m well-educated, financially well-off, and fit. My husband and I are wonderful friends, and I love him dearly. However, for reasons he won’t tell me, he decided eight years ago that he was no longer interested in sex. He says it’s “too much work.” He refuses to discuss it further. Also, for work reasons, we live apart. So, I have taken lovers. My husband doesn’t like this, but I pay all his expenses so he can live his dream life, so he doesn’t complain much. Four years ago, I moved to be with a man I got involved with, but the relationship felt more like a bridge than a destination, so I went back to my husband. Now, I love a man who wants to marry me, but I fear that ALL relationships degrade into roommate situations. I do fantasize that there’s one perfect soulmate for me, and with him, I’ll be able to commit. For now, I guess staying married helps me keep up appearances that I’m stable and normal while I hold on to the

The Advice GoddessBy Amy Alkonamy.alkon@secondsupper.com

relationship will just happen to them. Those are the people who wait until the urge strikes to hug or kiss their partner. Bad idea. Just do it — several times daily. And make a pact that you’ll keep having sex regularly — even when one of you doesn’t totally feel like it. Sex researcher Rosemary Basson found that arousal is “triggerable”; just start making out, and you’ll get turned on and get into it. Ultimately, you have to fill a marriage with loving and sexual acts, and love and sex should continue — assuming you’re with somebody whose idea of sex in marriage isn’t sending his spouse out to bars to score it off somebody else.

Keeping a lady hating My girlfriend of four years is a wonderful person I still love. And, yes, I messed up and feel terrible about it. She wanted to get married and have children, and I realized I didn’t. She not only dumped me, she’s calling me horrible (and untrue) things, like a liar and a fake — weeks after telling me what a great person I am and how deeply she loves me.

— Mud There’s a good chance your girlfriend spent a substantial part of your four years together waiting for you to pop the question, and not the one that goes “So, did you get all of your stuff out of my place?” Not every woman wants The Royal Wedding and a bunch of babies, but a whole lot do, especially when they’re bumping up against

30, and that shouldn’t be exotic cultural knowledge for any guy. It would’ve been nice if you’d been speedier in figuring out that you weren’t up for the husband thing. But, assuming you didn’t promise you’d marry her while crossing your fingers behind your back, it isn’t like you committed some sort of relationship fraud. Ultimately, it was up to your girlfriend to let you know that the stakes were marriage or bust. You can regret hurting her, but maybe take solace in no longer being with a woman who loves you so deeply and thinks so highly of you that she wants nothing less than to spend the rest of her life with you, you lying fake.