INT. COMIC BOOK STORE. DAY. 14 A fanboy’s dream. Two storeys of comic books, toys and collectibles, with a coffee-shop concession. Dave is here with Todd and Marty, chatting and drinking frappucinos. DAVE How come nobody’s ever tried to be a superhero? MARTY Gee, I dunno. Oh wait, yeah I do. Cos it’s fucking impossible, dickwad. DAVE What, putting on a mask and helping people? How is that impossible? TODD That’s not a superhero, though. How is that super? Super is like, being stronger than everybody and flying and shit. That’s just hero. MARTY It’s not even hero, it’s fuckin’ psycho. DAVE Hello? What about Bruce Wayne? He didn’t have any powers. TODD Yeah, but he had all expensive shit that doesn’t exist. I thought you meant, like how come no one does it in real life. DAVE Yeah, I guess I did mean that. MARTY C’mon. Anyone who did it for real would just get their ass kicked. They’d be dead in like, a day. DAVE I’m not saying they should do it. I just can’t figure out why no one does. Seriously, out of all the millions of people who love superheroes, you’d think at least one would give it a try. 7. All those mid-life crisis guys in the guitar store, they’re never gonna be rockstars, but it doesn’t stop ‘em buying guitars. TODD MARTY (shrugging) Meh. Yeah, I guess. DAVE (CONT’D) Jesus, doesn’t it bug you? Why do thousands of people wanna be Paris Hilton, and nobody wants to be Spiderman? MARTY Yeah, what’s with that? She has, like, no tits. None at all. TODD Maybe it’s the porn tape. He doesn’t have a porn tape.
INT. COMIC BOOK STORE. DAY. 14 A fanboys dream. Two soreys of
!om"! boo#s$ oys and !o%%e!"b%es$ w"& a !offee's&o(
!on!ess"on. Da)e "s &ere w"& Todd and Mary$ !&a"n* and
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s+(er&ero.MARTY/ee$ I d+nno. O& wa"$ yea& I do. Cos "s
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&e%("n* (eo(%e. -ow "s &a "m(oss"b%e.TODDT&as no a
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%"#e$be"n* sron*er &an e)erybody and f%y"n* and s&".
T&as 1+s &ero.MARTYIs no e)en &ero$ "s f+!#"n
(sy!&o.DA,E-e%%o. 0&a abo+ Br+!e 0ayne. -e d"dn &a)e
any (owers.TODDYea&$ b+ &e &ad a%% e2(ens")e s&"
&a doesn e2"s. I &o+*& yo+mean$ %"#e &ow !ome no
one does " "n rea% %"fe.DA,EYea&$ I *+ess I d"d mean
&a.MARTYCmon. Anyone w&o d"d " for rea% wo+%d 1+s *e
&e"r ass #"!#ed.T&eyd be dead "n %"#e$ a day.DA,EIm no
say"n* &ey s&o+%d do ". I 1+s !an f"*+re o+ w&y no
onedoes. Ser"o+s%y$ o+ of a%% &e m"%%"ons of (eo(%e w&o
%o)es+(er&eroes$ yo+d &"n# a %eas one wo+%d *")e " a ry. 3.
A%%&ose m"d'%"fe !r"s"s *+ys "n &e *+"ar sore$ &eyre
ne)er *onna bero!#sars$ b+ " doesn so( 4em b+y"n*
*+"ars.TODDMARTY5s&r+**"n*6 Me&. Yea&$ I
*+ess.DA,E5CONTD6 7es+s$ doesn " b+* yo+. 0&y do &o+sands
of (eo(%e wannabe 8ar"s -"%on$ and nobody wans o be
S("derman.MARTYYea&$ w&as w"& &a. S&e &as$
%"#e$ no "s. None a a%%.TODDMaybe "s &e (orn a(e. -e doesn
&a)e a (orn a(e.MARTYYo+ ne)er saw One N"*& "n
S("derman.T&ey a%% !ra!# +(. B+ s+dden%y$ Todd "s d"sra!ed.
TODD-o%y s&"$ !&e!# o+ &e w&ee%s.-e nods o)er o
&e sorefron w"ndow. A &+*e b%a!# sre!& S'!%ass MERCEDES
&as (+%%ed +( o+s"de. DA,E9oo#s %"#e Mr. DAm"!o raded "n &e
&+mmer.TODDNa&. -e (robab%y #e( ". And &as$ %"#e$
bo&.A eena*e boy !%"mbs o+ ' C-RIS DAMICO$ 13 and
se%f!ons!"o+s. -e s&+ff%es "n fo%%owed by a %ar*e BODY /:ARD.
C&r"s be*"ns o browse a ra!# of !om"!s$ snea#"n* a %oo# o)er a
Da)e and &"s fr"ends before %oo#"n* &+rr"ed%y away. DA,EIs
" 1+s me$ or do yo+ fee% #"nda sorry for C&r"s
DAm"!o.MARTYYea&. 0oa&. M+s s+!# o &a)e a r"!& dad
and e)ery&"n* yo+ wan. Infa!$ I w"s& yo+ &adn
bro+*& " +(. I &"n# Im *onna !ry.DA,EYe&$ b+ &es
a%ways on &"s own.TODD0e s&o+%d$ %"#e$ a%# o &"m. See
"f &e wans o &an* w"& +s.DA,E I wasn say"n* we
s&o+%d a%# o &"m$ 1+s$ %"#e ;TODDId be awesome<
T&"n# abo+ "= "f &e was o+r fr"end$ no one wo+%de)er f+!#
w"& +s a*a"n
