EDITORIAL

"Just Don't Talk to Them About F e e l i n g s . . . "

"That's what they told me at the Center, Mary," said the Youth Studies student, responding to Mary Burnison's comments about the importance of young people's emotions to those who work with them. "Feelings are none of our business!"

In many of our detention centers and other group care facilities, this is the dominant ideology. Why? The reason often given is that this may stir up dormant issues for the youth that can complicate life for the worker--or the agency-- in many ways. Not the least of these is that child and youth care workers, who are unprotected by the le- gal recognition of confidentiality typically enjoyed by physicians, law- yers, and the clergy, might be forced to testify against the youth on the basis of what the adult has heard. Better to leave that to the official "therapists"! But some wonder whether the real reason is to avoid the development of relationships between youth and staff mem- bers that might induce the staff to respond in ways not sanctioned by official policy. It is better, the message seems to be, to keep things "cool" and under control than to get mixed up with feelings and inter- personal relationships.

"But Mary, that goes against everything you've been teaching us! If relationship is the basis of youthwork, then the inability to form rela- tionships with kids virtually reduces us to being jailers and the pro- grams in which we work to holding tanks. Like the rest of the world as these kids have come to know it! How can I do my job that way?" Mary smiled in spite of herself, pleased to see how well he had learned what the course was all about, but what was she to do now, and what to say to him?

Relationship comes first, she had taught, and relationships are based on feelings and built through sharing feelings. If young people are disconnected from their feelings and from other human beings, they become socialized into sociopathic behavior. This is how many of the kids we see have grown up. Are we now to repeat and reinforce the pattern?

Particularly in adolescence, feelings of all kinds are emerging all around, she taught. To attempt to deny them or to bottle them up,

Child & Youth Care Forum, 23(1), F e b r u a r y 1994 J!~ 1994 Human Sciences Press, Inc, 3

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particularly in a group living situation, is a formula for some kind of a blowup, violence, even a riot, or for turning it inward as depression or even suicide. We need, instead, to create safe ways for kids to let off steam, as we would let some air out of a balloon blown up too far so that it doesn't pop. This can be done through art, music, other activities, but also and sometimes most effectively through conversa- tion--"shooting the breeze"--with an understanding adult, a youth- worker. Then they can begin to face their feelings, to understand them, and to control their behavior. Asking the staff to disconnect is asking for trouble!

It also creates a dilemma for the worker whose agency insists on distance. What is a youthworker faced with an agency-sanctioned for- mula for interacting with the young people in his or her care to do? It can be like life in a "fast food" res tauran t - - the product is the food, turn it out as quickly as possible, and above all, don't get involved with the customers. "Here's your order. Have a nice day! (Goodbye!)" But as a youthworker, can you turn off your humanity, apologize for being personal, or be shy about who you are? What message would that convey to the young people with whom you are working? The old adage could hardly be more apt: "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem!" It is a conflict that all of us who work in such settings will need to resolve. Does policy take precedence? Can I continue to work in a place like that? Where do we go from here?

Mary's philosophy of youthworker education may give us a clue. "In order to prepare people for youthwork, we must aim at nurturing soul!" she writes. "In less theological language, the purpose should be the formation of vibrant character, the quality of inviting other peo- ple to life. Its gift to the world is human beings--workers and young people al ike--who are poised for engagement and attuned to real presence. Such people are able to challenge youth to take the journey with them, as they work with enthusiasm and skill to establish our individual and collective connectedness among each other and with the world in which we live."

Thanks, Mary. We needed that!

J . B .