Jed's Travels With the CIA (Crisis Induced Awakenings)

8/6/2019 Jed's Travels With the CIA (Crisis Induced Awakenings)

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G3Ks photo stream, CreativeCommons

Jeds Travels with the CIA(Crisis Induced Awakenings)


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Airline Travel is Broken

Following the conference and four days exploring Washington, D.C. we were

scheduled to fly to Shannon, Ireland on a Thursday. After waiting half the day at the

airport and watching flight delays because of weather, our flight was finally cancelled.

Hey, weather happens. But that wasnt the problem. We were to fly out on United but

found out that United had just merged with Continental.

We ran into a nightmare that Kafka would have understood. When trying to find out

when and how we could rebook, we were told that we had to talk to the United people,

but the only United rep at the gate had just gone off duty and the Continental people

couldnt help us because they didnt have the right codes to get into the United

computers. It got worse from there and we had to pay for 3 extra nights hotel waiting to

get a flight out which we were finally able to do, but had to fly to New York to do it.

I had heard that oil prices were forcing airlines to consolidate or go out of business. It

was one thing to know, intellectually, that changes were occurring. It was another to be

caught in the middle of them. I remembered Richard Heinbergs words from his

prophetic 2003 book, The Partys Over: Oil, War and the Fate of Industrial Societies,

The world is changing before our eyesdramatically, inevitably, and irreversibly. The

change we are seeing is affecting more people, and more profoundly, than any that

human beings have ever witnessed. I am not referring to a war or terrorist incident, a

stock market crash, or global warming, but to a more fundamental reality that is driving

terrorism, war, economic swings, climate change, and more: the discovery and

exhaustion of fossil energy resources.


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Crisis Induced Awakening #1: The Party is over. Our industrial civilization with its

dependence on fossil fuels is going under. We best disengage and develop our own local,

living economies and support each other close to home. Flying here and there is going to

get more chaotic and more of us will choose to stay within arms reach of our home town.

The Trains in Spain Were Mostly a Pain

We flew from Ireland to Madrid, then took the train to Barcelona. When I had been in

Europe on summer vacation from college I remembered train travel as easy and fun. Of

course those were the days when I travelled with my Europe-on-$25-a-Day guide and

you could actually do it. I hadnt counted on the number of people who were travelling

or the problems that could arise, just getting from here to there.

The first inking that things were not like they used to be was when we tried to get help

on our travel in Madrid. We had to go to three information areas before finding the right

room. Once there we had to take a number. It seemed that hundreds of people were

trying to get from here to there. In addition to the language barrier (my high school

Spanish was many years out of date and the little I remembered didnt help us a lot).

We finally managed to get to Barcelona but again had to wait in line for hours to get

help ticketing us to our next destination. We were relieved to finally get our tickets, but

were heart-broken when we found out that they were the wrong tickets and not only

wouldnt get us from here to there, they wouldnt get us very far from here. We had to

go back again and spend more time waiting for help.

I had an awakening to what it means to be a displaced person on the road. So many

people were travelling and so many needed help, it was overwhelming the system. We


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got a little taste of what its like to be scared, away from home, and dependent on others

for help, who themselves are stressed out.

I remembered a recent article that headlined: More than 43 million people displaced

as of 2010, U.N. says. The article said that last year 43.7 million people around the globe

had been forcibly displaced from their homes by conflict or persecution, the highest

number in 15 years. The report went on to say that 7.2 million people had been in exile

for five years or longerthe highest level since 2001.

Crisis Induced Awakening #2: More and more of us will face the prospect of being

displaced in some way. We may be lucky not to live in a part of the world that is at war

at the moment. But as industrial civilization continues to go through the transition to a

more sustainable way of life, many of us will have to deal with being displaced or dealing

with others who are displaced.

Even dealing with our own small displacements we found that we encountered two

kinds of people. One group, despite their stresses, found the energy to reach out and

help. I still remember the station attendant who let us use their phone to call our friends,

the one who gave us box lunches to tide us over, and they guy who took extra time to be

sure our tickets were right. I also remember the ones who clearly were overwhelmed and

just wanted to get rid of us. They really didnt care if we got help as long as we were

someone elses problem.

I made a vow to be more appreciative of the home I have here in Willits and to be

more compassionate and caring to those who are trying to get from here to there and need

a kind word, a dollar, or some food to tide them over.


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The Bull Fight In Madrid vs. 40,000 People In the Street

I couldnt believe Carlin wanted to go to the Bullfights in Madrid. Its an institution

and part of what happens in Spain, she said. While were here, I want to see it. Now

Carlin is one of the most caring and compassionate people I know. I was surprised that

she wanted to see big, beautiful animals killed for the delight of an applauding crowd.

On the other hand, the killing would happen whether we were there or not and I figured it

was a part of life Id rather know about than pretend it didnt exist.

We took the subway to Ventas which lets you out right at the Plaza de Toros. I have

to say the stadium is impressive.

A Madrid bullfight consists of six bulls & three matadorswith each matador being

accompanied by two assistants. In a little over two hours the matadors will each kill two

bulls. We watched 4 of the 6 kills. One matador was particularly impressive, while the

others were less so. The stands were full of people, including a group of Japanese

tourists who were suffering in the sun. What stood out for me the most wasnt the

killing, but the banality of the whole spectacle compared to what we had seen on the

streets the previous day.


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Coming out of the museum, we heard music and saw a huge number of marchers on

the streets. Soon the whole street was filled with people and we joined in. Later we

learned that 40,000 people had been there and that demonstrations were going on all over

Spain and in other parts of Europe. According to the Newspaper, Spain's indignant

activists launched Monday protest marches culminating in a major Madrid rally June 24,

showing no let-up just a day after rallying an estimated 200,000 protesters.

The mood was upbeat, but the message was serious. The activists were angry over the

destruction of millions of jobs, welfare cuts and corruption. They were tired of the rich

using the power of government to make themselves richer, while the average person on

the street was getting screwed.

Crisis Induced Awakening #3: Old institutions like Bull fights are on their way out

while non-institutions such as people taking to the streets to take back their country are

on the rise. Three days later in Barcelona I was moved to tears by street musicians

playing in the heart of Antoni Gaudis Park Guell and dedicating their music to the

protests that were going on below in the streets. Later we learned that 50,000-75,000

demonstrators had rallied that day in Barcelona. Here in the U.S. we seem to be sleep-

walking through the world-wide revolution taking place. When will we wake up?

The World and I Are One

If I ever needed a reminder that the world and I are one, I got it on this trip. Just as the

world is going through a major healing transition so am I. The changes I was seeing in

the world were telling me in various ways that the old system is unsustainable and can no

longer go on business as usual. Our old energy source, fossil fuels, not only are in

decline, but their use is incompatible with a healthy living environment (This is true of


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nuclear energy as well.) Major adjustments are necessary in order to move from the old

to the new.

I realized this is true with me as well. There are many old personal patterns that are

not healthy or sustainable and need to change. One I discovered was my relationship to

sleep. All my life I have had trouble sleeping, or at least that is what Ive told myself. As

a result I have gone to great lengths to be sure my sleep conditions are perfect. I have

just the right bed. I live where it is extremely quiet at night. I keep the temperature nice

and cool and my room very dark. Throughout my life Ive been afraid of not sleeping. I

worry about not being able to function the next day if I havent had enough sleep.

As we had to deal with the stresses of the trip I found it difficult to sleep, but I learned

it had little to do with the sleeping conditions and everything to do with my state of mind.

In Madrid we had the perfect hotel room for sleep: Quiet, dark, cool. I had the worst

night of my life. In Barcelona, on the other hand, it was so noisy the bed rattled at night,

it was hot and sultry, and we had to keep the windows open to the street lights to get any

breeze at all. I had to let my mind relax, let go of my fears, and just enjoy the night. I

slept pretty well, all in all.

Crisis Induced Awakening #4: Sleeping well is a state of mind. Like the changes

going on in the world, it isnt what is happening out there that counts. Its how we hold

what is going on out there in our consciousness. When I was worried that I wouldnt

sleep, I didnt sleep, no matter how good the sleeping conditions. When I let go of the

fear and relaxed into the night, sleep came for me in its own good time. Until then I

could relax and enjoy just being alive in the night. Bye-bye fear of not sleeping. Hello

peace of mind.


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Sometimes Just Getting a Breath of Air Can Be Difficult

For most people, we dont think much about breathing. We just do it and take it for

granted. But for people with breathing problems, its something that is on our mind all

the time. Early on in my life I had allergies and asthma which made it hard for me to

breathe. I got shots for the allergies and medication for the asthma. I got used to having

the problem and adapted, but there was always a lot of fear.

I grew up in Los Angeles and heard stories about kids with asthma having to be sent

away to live in dry climates so that they could breathe. I never told anyone, but I always

worried my asthma would worsen and my mother would send me away to live in Arizona

with strangers. When I had an attack it was scary. I would begin wheezing and then

would begin coughing and the more I coughed the harder it was to breathe. I had to try

and relax, which wasnt easy when I was wheezing and coughing and trying to get air

into my lungs.

On the trip I had a bad attack of bronchitis which re-created my asthma symptoms. I

had trouble breathing and coughing made it worse. I was a long way from home and my

fears were taking over. One night at my sons house in the Czech Republic I was at my

worst. In order to keep from going into panic I found myself going inward into a heart

meditation where I was able to comfort myself, relax, and breathe slowly. I found that I

could relax, even enjoy my shallow breathing, let the cough come without fighting it, and

know that I was going to be OK.

Crisis Induced Awakening #5: There isnt anything Ive experienced that is more

frightening than the fear of not breathing. But I learned that the problem wasnt that I

couldnt breathe, but rather the fear that I might not be able to breathe. I was able to


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relax into the reality that as long as I was breathing and getting air into my lungs, no

matter how constricted my breathing, I would be OK. Fear is the killer. Finding creative

ways to reduce fear was the answer. That was a big weight lifted off my chest.

Ill Die or Youll Die and Then Ill Die.

Death has always felt too close for comfort. For many years my mother and father

tried unsuccessfully to have a baby. Finally, they tried a new procedure of having my

fathers sperm collected and injected into my mother at the proper time (an experimental

method, very uncommon, 68 years ago). As fate would have it my mother got pregnant,

but was terrified that she would lose the baby (me) and told stories of how she walked

gingerly along Fifth Avenue in New York doing her best to keep the fetus alive and well.

By the time I was born, my mother was 36 and my father was 38. They thought of

themselves as old parents. Life was stressful for them and my father was out of work

a lot. When I was 5 years old he tried to commit suicide. He survived, but spent years in

a mental hospital. My mother wasnt depressed, but she was extremely anxious. She

worried constantly that I would inherent my fathers disposition to depression and would

end up killing myself. She also worried constantly that she would die. When I graduated

junior high I remember her telling me she didnt think shed live to see me in high school.

She had a similar attitude when I graduated college.

Its probably not surprising that Ive spent a lot of my life worrying that I was going

to die. Ive also spent a lot of my life worrying that those close to me would die and that

I would die without them. I rarely would tell anyone, but I often felt overwhelming

anxiety that I wasnt going to make it. I would often wake up and check my wifes


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breathing to be sure she was still with me. I felt ashamed of my irrational fear, but

couldnt make it go away.

On one of my sleepless nights on the trip, I had one of those aha experiences. It

was as though my heart opened up to this reality: If your mother had died as she feared

when you were young, it would have been tragic for you. If your father had been

successful in his suicide attempt it would have been tragic for you. But it didnt happen.

Your mother lived to be 80 and your father lived to be 90. The real tragedy is that you

carry the fear of death with you every moment of your life. Someday you will die. Some

day your wife will die. It will undoubtedly be a sad day, but it wont be tragic. Its time

you let go of the fear.

Crisis Induced Awakening #6: Were all going to die. Thats not tragic. Its just life.

Going through life carrying old fears is a waste of energy. Every day is a gift to be

appreciated and honored. Every moment of breath is to be celebrated. Life is about

learning to love--loving ourselves, each other, and the world around us. Fortunately we

have the CIA to assist us on the journey.

I cant say it was a restful trip, but it sure was a healing journey. The world is going

through a period of cleansing and healing. I feel Im going through something similar. I

know Im glad to be home and be able to have a community around me to help get

through this transition. I suspect its going to be one hell of a ride and its likely to be a

long one.


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I Grew Up Being a Mommas Boy Because I Was Terrified of Being My Fathers Son

Its not surprising that I clung to my mother growing up. She and my father had

wanted a baby for a long time and my journey into the world wasnt an easy one. But I

was marinated in my mothers fear, even before I was born. She was terrified I wouldnt

make it into the world and when I did she was afraid my stay would be brief. She

wouldnt let my father hold me because she was afraid hed drop me. When he tried to

commit suicide when I was five and he was hospitalized, her fear of him decreased, but

her fear that I would turn out like him shot through the roof.

In her frenzy to keep me alive, she did everything she could to erase my fathers

craziness from my psyche. But craziness and creativity often go together. In her

excellent book, Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic

TemperamentKay Redfield Jamison shows that some of our most gifted writers suffered

from Depression or Manic-Depressive Illness including: Emily Dickinson, T.S. Eliot,

Walt Whitman, Hans Christian Andersen, Charles Dickens, Ralph Waldo Emerson,

William Faulkner, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Eugene ONeill, Tennessee

Williams, and Virginia Woolf.

My father was a poet, playwright, and novelist and suffered all his life from Manic-

Depressive Illness. He was hospitalized in 1948 at age 42 and escaped 8 years later. For

the rest of his life he practiced his art as a street puppeteer in Los Angeles and later in

San Francisco. In 1975 the famous photographerImogen Cunningham took his picture

and it was published in her bookAfter Ninety.
http://tinyurl.com/TommyThePuppetManhttp://tinyurl.com/TommyThePuppetManhttp://tinyurl.com/TommyThePuppetMan


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For years I tried to hide from my own creativity and also from my own Manic-

Depressive Illness. I finally wrote my first book in 1983 when I was 40 years old and

went to a doctor and was diagnosed with Manic-Depressive Illness (Bi-Polar) in 1998

when I was 55.

I felt the strong presence of my father on this trip when I saw the incredible

architectural achievements ofAntoni Gaudi (1852-1926) in Barcelona. My father would

have loved Gaudi, whose work is mystical, magical, and moving. Its also light and fun

and tied to nature. Seeing Gaudi helped me take another step back to becoming my

fathers son, without the fears that my crazy creativity would destroy me. It seemed more

than a coincidence that Gaudi moved into his house in Park Gull the same year my

father was born, 1906.

Being with Gaudi and being with my father reminds me of the words of Anthony

Quinns Zorba the Greek (Nikos Kazantzakis):

Alexis Zorba: Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it. You've got everything

except one thing: madness! A man needs a little madness, or else...

Basil: Or else?

Alexis Zorba: ...he never dares cut the rope and be free.

Crisis Induced Awakening #7: We must all come to peace with the excesses and

deficits we received from our parents. We are part Mom and part Dad and part our own

unique spirit and soul. We are also part of the universal creative spirit, which means we

also have to come to peace with our madness.
http://tinyurl.com/Gaudi-Tommyhttp://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000063/http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000869/http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000063/http://tinyurl.com/Gaudi-Tommyhttp://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000063/http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000869/http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000063/

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Jed's Travels With the CIA (Crisis Induced Awakenings)