Introduction to

Cultivating

Emotional Balance

History of CEB

Results of Research:

CEB participants showed:

Significant decrease in depression, anxiety and hostility over 5-week period

Significant increase in affection for others

Significant improvement in their ability to detect subtle forms of emotional expression

Less emotional and physiological reactivity to a stress test compared to reactivity prior to training

Purpose of CEB

Identify and cultivate genuine happiness.

Support the cultivation of genuine happiness through leading a constructive emotional life.

Create a choice in how we engage with our emotions.

Hedonic Happiness

Genuine Happiness

Definition of Emotion

Emotion is a process, a particular kind of automatic appraisal influenced by our evolutionary and personal past, in which we sense that something important to our welfare is occurring, and includes a set of physiological changes and behaviors that begin to deal with the situation.

In particular, emotions are thought to have arisen because they efficiently coordinate diverse response systems, thereby helping us respond to important challenges and opportunities.

Characteristics of Emotions

vs. Moods, Personality, Values, Thoughts…

Short acting

Quick onset

Distinctive physiological changes

Catalyzed through external and internal stimulus

There is a facial signal that is involuntary and universal (link all humanity) for the “Big 7” universal emotions, expressed for 0.5 – 4 secs, median 2 secs. Duration usually related to intensity

A characteristic set of triggers that are universal

Very quick appraisal of what is happening

Characteristics of Emotions cont.

Not unique to humans

Individual differences in how we express emotions

Distinctive thoughts, memories and images

Distinctive subjective experience, a characteristic set

of sensations (that we can become more aware of)

Target is unconstrained (not specific)

Refractory period that filters and focuses what

information is available to us (can develop skill to

shorten refractory period)

Functions of Emotions

Save our lives with quick appraisal and response, e.g., using fear to instantly swerve away from an animal on the road

Motivate us into action

Help us in communicating and understanding the wants and needs of others through distinct signals in the voice and facial expressions

Constructive and Destructive

Emotions

Constructive emotions are emotions that are conducive to our own and others’ happiness, and further our cooperation and collaboration.

Destructive emotions are regrettable emotions that are incompatible with our own and others’ happiness.

Constructive Emotional Behavior

Emotions in the right amount, proportional to the event that called them forth

Expressed at the right time

Expressed in the right way, appropriate to the emotional trigger and the circumstances and in a way that does no harm

How they get us into trouble

We feel and show the right emotion but at the wrong

intensity (e.g. over-reacting) or for inappropriate

duration

We feel the appropriate emotion, but express it in a

hurtful way (e.g. passive aggressive)

An inappropriate emotion is triggered, we feel the wrong

(inappropriate) emotion

We are unaware of our emotional experience and the

way we express it

Nearly all emotions can be expressed in a constructive

or destructive way

Seven Universal Emotions

15

FEAR

ANGER

SADNESS/ANGUISH

DISGUST

ENJOYABLEEMOTIONS

CONTEMPT

SURPRISE

UNIVERSAL

Trigger—theme

Signal

PhysiologyLikely

Actions

Themes of 7 Universal Emotion Families

Anger—

• fight, remove obstacle

Fear—

• flight, escape from threat

Sadness—

• be reassured, elicit connection and caring from others, create connection in face of loss

Disgust—

• get rid of something poisonous or harmful

Contempt—

• asserts superiority

Surprise—

• focus attention to identify something

Enjoyable emotions—

• deepen connection and co-operation

Copyright Paul Ekman LLP

Childhad died

Friendshad come

Aboutto fight

Saw a smelly

dead pig

Copyright Paul Ekman LLP

Childhad died

Friendshad come

Aboutto fight

Saw a smelly

dead pig

Copyright Paul Ekman LLP

Childhad died

Friendshad come

Aboutto fight

Saw a smelly

dead pig

Copyright Paul Ekman LLP

Childhad died

Friendshad come

Aboutto fight

Saw a smelly

dead pig

Group Discussion

In small groups, pick one emotional episode to

map using the Emotional Episode Timeline.

Focus on insights/observations of:

1. Triggers (including Emotional Alert Database)

2. Emotional behaviors (signals, preset actions,

learned behaviors, physiological changes,

scripts)

3. Refractory periods

Anger

Theme: Being thwarted in pursuit of goal that matters to you

Effects: Anger controls, punishes and retaliates

Dangerous effect: Anger calls forth more anger. It is difficult

not to respond to anger with anger, especially when it

appears unjustified

Why do people want to change anger?

• It is the dangerous emotion that can quickly hurt others,

psychologically, and physically

• Is the hurtfulness built in or learned?

• Many taught not to express anger ‐> guilt, shame

• For some own anger can get out of control ‐> fear

Common Anger Triggers

Interference

Someone trying to hurt us

Another person’s anger

Injustice

Disappointment in how a person has acted

Betrayal, abandonment, rejection

Being falsely accused

Breaking a cultural rule

How is anger destructive?

Can anger ever be constructive?

Destructive angry behaviors:

Retaliation

Stonewalling

Constructive when it prevents harm to self or others. But

dangerous as may start a cycle of violence.

BUT must be directed at action not at actor

Can motivates change, alerts you that something in your

life needs to change, stops you from being blocked

Anger Faces

Four Steps for Working with Anger

1. Identify the stimulus of anger, without confusing it

with our evaluation.

2. Identify the internal image or judgment, the

projection or story line that is making us angry.

3. Transform this judgmental image into the need that it

is expressing; in other words, bring our full attention to

the need that is behind the judgment.

4. Make a clear, straightforward request of what we

want from the other person in relation to our feelings

and unmet needs.

Applying Awareness to the Emotional

Episode Timeline

Working with Emotional Behaviors:

When we are feeling emotional and ready to act, ask

ourselves:

“Is what I’m about to say or do…

Helpful to me?

Helpful to other people?

Helpful to the world?”

Guidelines for a Wise Break

Suggestions for taking a wise break in close relationships:

Tell the other person you would like to take a “wise break” in order

to avoid being hurtful

Negotiate how long you will be gone

Always come back at the agreed-upon time

If you are still too worked up, make an alternative time to discuss

During the wise break:

Don’t drink, drive, or use drugs

Don’t ruminate on how you are right and what you’re going to say

Practice what you’ve learned to increase relaxation and awareness

Becoming Aware of the Affect

Program Through RAIN

R: Recognize what is happening

A: Allow life to be just as it is

I: Investigate inner experience with a

caring presence

N: Non-identification

How to Work with Hot Triggers

Keep log of regrettable emotional episodes: trigger, behaviour,

what was regrettable. Once have 10 – 15 entries, what do the

triggers have in common? Is there an underlying story, pattern,

narrative or script?

May be able to recognize, in advance, situations likely to lead to trigger and avoid or prepare for them.

Can rehearse alternative behaviour.

Remind ourselves to re-appraise the trigger.

Disable the trigger by removing cognitive projections that distort our view.

In close relationships, once we know what our hot triggers are, we can communicate about the need for a wise break.

To Moderate Emotional Behaviors

Develop “emotionfulness” – attentively considering our emotional feelings

Become more aware what triggers our emotions –identify and weaken our own hot triggers

Learn about the bodily sensations that distinguish each emotion -> alert us to our emotional state

Develop impulse awareness

Become more observant of the emotional feelings of others

Try to broaden understanding of other person’s situation - is refractory period distorting perception?

Even if we cannot reappraise, even if we still feel our feelings are justified, we can choose to interrupt our actions, control face and voice, resist impulses to act

Suggested Reading Ekman, Paul. Emotions Revealed, Recognizing Faces and Feelings

to Improve Communication and Emotional Life, 2003, 2007. Key text

on Paul Ekman’s research and training guidance for increasing

emotional awareness, resonance and regulation.

Ekman, Paul with H. H. the Dalai Lama. Emotional Awareness:

Overcoming the Obstacles to Psychological Balance, 2009.Dialogue with the Dalai Lama on skills needed to develop emotional well-being.

Goleman, D. Destructive emotions: How can we overcome them?

A scientific dialogue with the Dalai Lama, 2003.

Wallace, B. Alan and H.H. the Dalai Lama. Genuine Happiness:

Meditation as the Path to Fulfillment, 2005a. A general text which serves as a good introductory guide to the contemplative practices

that can bring about more lasting well-being and happiness.