Interpersonal Communication

Why study interpersonal communication?

• Improve relationships with family– Earliest communication; large factor in how we interact with

others• Improve relationships with friends

– Unlike family, we choose our friends– Losing relationship is one of life’s most stressful events

• Improve relationships with colleagues– Avoid conflict & stress– 80% of people who fail at work do so because they don’t

relate to others and communicate effectively• Improve physical and emotional health

– Research shows a lack or loss of relationship can lead to sickness and even death

Relationships• Trust

– Self-disclosure through revealing information about ourselves; displays vulnerability; shows confidence in that person

• Intimacy– Degree to which we can be ourselves in front of

another person and still be accepted by them

• Power– Ability to influence another in direction you

want

Dealing with Differences

-Gender-Ethnicity

-Age

•Don’t avoid communication simply because of differences

•Treat people as PEOPLE first!

Intercultural Communication• Culture- learned system of knowledge, behavior,

attitudes, beliefs, values and norms shared by a group of people

• Cultural diversity includes age, religion, disability, social class, gender, sexual preference, race, ethnicity

• Ethnocentrism- belief that your cultural traditions are superior to others

• To improve: – Be other-oriented and mindful– Ask questions to reduce uncertainty; be prepared to share

info. about yourself as well– Develop flexibility; learn as you communicate– Avoid negative judgments, stereotypes and generalizations

Social and ProfessionalInterpersonal Situations

•Making introductions

• Making apologies

• Giving directions

• Making requests

• Asking and answering questions

• Speaking on the phone

• Offering and receiving criticism

• Dealing with differences

Making introductions

Things to Include:•Names (Say loudly and clearly)

•Titles (Professor of…)

•Relevance (Why the person is present)

Example:“Kelly, I’d like to introduce Danita Powell. Danita is the assistant director of human resources. We’ve invited her to help us make some personnel planning decisions. Danita, this is Kelly Francis. Kelly is our service director. She will come into our meeting later this morning with a list of her needs for new employees.”

If you are being introduced…

Follow these suggestions:•Listen carefully (for person’s name, title and reason for being there)

•Make a “name note” (tie the person’s name with something familiar)

•Make eye contact (it’s courteous and begins a good relationship)

•Shake hands (Make sure it is firm, but friendly)

•Smile (it is evidence that you are sincere)

•Speak (“Hello, I’m pleased to meet you.”)

Making apologies

Some suggestions to remember•Name it and claim it (be specific and say what you did that was wrong)

•Offer an explanation (state why the mistake was made)

•Offer to make it right (if it is correctable, correct the mistake)

•Keep it brief (respect the other person’s time and get to the point)

•Be sincere! (mean it!)Example:

Bob – “Maya, I’d like to talk about what happened last week before our breakfast. I’m very sorry that I referred to you and Diane as “the office chicks.” It was a thoughtless comment. Please accept my apology. I promise to be more sensitive in the future.”

Maya – “I appreciate that you took the time to talk to me about that, and I appreciate your apology.”

Giving directions

Tips to Remember:

•Begin by communicating the goal (To get to Randall Consulting…)

•Know where you are starting (Start at Main Street and…)

•Break the directions down into steps (First, second, third…)

•Check for understanding (be aware of nonverbal signs of confusion)

•Don’t talk down (don’t treat anyone as inferior)

•Be patient ()

Making requestsUnderstand Your Purpose & Analyze the Situation and

Audience:

•Determine who to ask (who has the power, time, info, etc.)

•Determine an appropriate level of assertiveness (as a question? or a command!) – Be TACTFUL!

•Determine an appropriate level of specificity (Should you be very general or specific in your request?)

•Determine the best situation (when is the best time, place, etc. to ask?)

Determine a deadline (create a fair timeline to have the request met.)

Asking questionsThis too, requires skill. Remember these:

•Assertiveness (don’t be afraid to ask questions, be confident)

•Tact (think carefully about who you are asking and where – don’t embarrass the person)

•Courtesy (wait for appropriate timing – don’t “butt” into a conversation)

•Specificity (your question should contain enough info that the person understands what you are asking.)

•Relevance (make sure the question is relevant to the person and situation)

•Sincerity (the person you are asking should feel their answer is important to you)

Example:“Donna, I’m working on the schedule for next week’s meeting. Would you please tell me how long Mr. Talcott takes to make his section of the new employee presentation?”

courtesy – “please”specificity – Donna knows precisely WHAT the questioner needs to know.relevance – Donna know precisely WHY the questioner needs to know.

Answering questionsKnowing how to ask a good question will provide you with a good

answer:

•Tact (show respect for the person asking the question)

•Courtesy (you may want to thank the person for asking the question)

•Specificity (be specific, give a useful answer)

•Relevance (be sure your answer relates to the question asked)

Telephone Etiquette

• Answering: answer promptly; before picking up the receiver, stop other conversation or activity that can be heard by the other party; speak clearly and distinctly in a pleasant tone; if taking a message- get name & number, write down day & time, give to person promptly

• Calling: Think about time of day; give your name; enunciate words; use pleasant voice

Offering & Receiving Criticism

• Criticism vs. constructive criticism

• Giving criticism: attack issue, not person; be tactful

• Receiving criticism: watch defensiveness; consider it; be tactful in response; take it in stride!

I-Language

• “Own” your statements by using descriptive “I” Language– “I feel upset when you talk about me behind my

back.” • Statement describes feelings as own

– “You always talk about me behind my back!”• Saying “You…” first sounds accusatory and sets listener

up for defensive response

Improve Your Interpersonal Communication

• Be Knowledgeable- Competent communicator from studying communication!

• Be Skilled- Socially• Be Motivated- Use information and skill; have

genuine desire to connect with others• Be Flexible- No “one size fits all” model for

communication• Be Other-Oriented- Avoid egocentrism;

decenter and empathize