IGCSE English as a First Language – The Winchester School,
Dubai
Overall, this essay scores an A grade. Zaina has followed the
three part analysis structure very closely. She makes a statement,
backs it up with a quote, and then analyses the quote. She makes
close references to the text and the author’s language. She
comments on figures of speech and uses power verbs to introduce her
analysis. She covers several points to explain how the author
creates a negative impression of tanorexics. One area she could
work on is to find new ways of starting her sentences – each
paragraph starts with more or less the same phrase: “the writer’s
use of…” Some variety in making her introducing her quotes would
vastly improve the quality of her essay. – Mr. Roberts
Zaina Minhas – 11G
Language Analysis: With close reference to the article “Sun
Vampires,” discuss the author’s use of language to create a
negative impression of people addicted to tanning.
The author’s use of the eye-catching title “Sun Vampires”
immediately makes the reader confused and wonder because vampires
are mainly creatures that love the dark so it suggests something
out of the ordinary. The author’s use of the pictorial metaphor
“walking raisins” immediately portrays a clear image of brown
wrinkled skin on a human. The image of addiction is emphasised by
the author’s continuous use of the word “tanorexics” which suggests
a clear idea of an unstoppable serious disease like anorexia –
problems associated to self image. The writer’s use of the metaphor
of being abducted by aliens relates to tanners as if once you’re in
an alien spaceship you’re locked up and unable to escape which
conveys to us how tanners are locked up in tanning beds. The
writer’s use of the colloquial expression “hooked” reinforces the
idea of tanning being unstoppable once addicted just like the
obsessive nature of drug addicts. The use of the effective
expression “one hell of a habit” indicates to us the intensity of
the tanning addiction, referring to it as a nasty addiction with
serious side effects. The use of the expression “religiously”
describing how tanners tan, evidently gives us the idea that they
are obliged to do it like a religious scholar praying and without
thought or volition. The writer then goes on to describe tanners’
hang-outs by using effective words such as “favourite haunt” and
“shameless” describing the nature of tanners as again associated
with vampires – as vampires are shameless drinking blood of species
of their own kind.
Comment: Example of statement
Comment: Example of quote from the text (with quotation
marks!)
Comment: Example of analysis. Explains why she believes the
title is eye-catching
Comment: This point could do with some elaboration. Say why it
is an effective metaphor:. Talk about how raisins are dried and
without moisture. Mention that this is a mildly derogative term
.
Comment: Reference to author’s use of figures of speech and a
brief analysis of it
Comment: Good examples of three-part analysis
Comment: Good examples of power verbs
Comment: Some variety in starting each paragraph would be
useful.
