7/27/2019 Hurting-Oneself.pdf
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Hurting oneself and others
Chennai, June 2002
I
had my rst satsangwith Guruji in Tirumala in May 1999, when I
went with
my family for his darshanto get blessings on our wedding
anniversary.During the satsang, Guruji turned to me and said out of
the blue, Why
do you stare at Baba with unblinking eyes? You can let your eyes
blink
naturally and can happily enjoy looking at Baba. What is
important is that
we keep him always in our hearts and minds.
I was slightly puzzled and thought he had made a casual or
general
remark. About ve minutes later the penny dropped and I gaped at
Guruji
in awe. How did he know? I had the habit of staring at Babas
picture with
unblinking eyes and would keep doing this even if my eyes were
burning and
watering, spurred on by the hope that this effort would raise my
devotion to
greater heights. The tears caused by the strain were the proof
for me that
this technique was working. I had never told anybody about it;
even my
close family was oblivious of my efforts.
This was the rst example of something that I came to experience
manytimes that Guruji knows everything and that we cannot hide
anything
from him. I also understood that Guruji doesnt endorse articial
means to
increase devotion. He likes things to grow naturally, for he
wants the path
of Sai to be a happy one for us.
SRI BABUJI: Dont try to imitate the great saints in the name of
tapas [ascetic
practices]. When Ramana Maharshi came to Tiruvannamalai andsat
for weeks in the basement of the temple not eating and not
moving, he was totally absorbed in meditation not minding
his
clothes, not minding his food or any of the physical comforts.
He
wasnt trying to torture his body; he wasnt practising
asceticism.
He was so happy, he was so absorbed in the bliss of his own
Self,
that he was oblivious of those things.
He was not doing tapas. It may have looked like he was doing
tapas, but in fact it was a natural response to the
profoundexperience that had taken hold of him.
p
My wife, Lakshmi, has a good singing voice. During our Chennai
satsangs
she often sings the beautiful Baba songs that were written by
Guruji. I
would get angry with her if I judged that she was singing
mechanically,without the proper feeling.
One day I lost my temper and shouted at her, You are too proud
of your
voice, thats why you are singing to Baba without devotion.
My wife didnt say a word to me but I saw her go to Gurujis photo
and
cry. She was deeply hurt.
The next day our family got permission to go to Tirumala to see
Guruji.
I couldnt go because of pressing work commitments but my wife
and
daughters stayed for a whole week in Tirumala. During this time,
Gurujis
wife asked Lakshmi to sing a song written by Guruji:
Devude puttithe Sai rupam
Manishi daivamga peragatam Baba matam
Ananda jeevanam Sai jagam
(If God takes birth it will be in the form of Sai.
To uplift human beings into divinity is Babas way;
To live in bliss is to live in Sais world.)
She listened and praised Lakshmi for her beautiful rendition,
telling her
that Guruji had asked her to call her and listen to her singing.
My wife
was deeply touched and happy because she felt that Guruji had
somehowheard her singing and appreciated it. She also felt that her
earlier prayers
at Gurujis photo had been heard.
I was truly ashamed to learn that Guruji heard clearly the love
in my wifes
voice, while I was deaf to it. I saw that I had better check my
temper and
my judgements as they were clouding my perceptions severely and
hurting
others. I pray to Guruji to remove my anger, hastiness and
criticizing of
others.
Subba Rao Bonigam, born in 1950, is a government employee who
lives in Chennai, Tamil Nadu.
BABA: If anybody comes and abuses1 you or punishes you, do
not
quarrel with them. If you cannot endure it, speak a simple word
or
two, or else leave the place. But do not battle with them and
give
tit for tat. I feel sick and disgusted when you quarrel with
others.
(Charters and Sayings, No. 210)
DEVOTEE: Do some behaviour patterns please you, Guruji, and
some
displease you?
SRI BABUJI: There is no question of displeasing. But I will be
pleased if you
behave in another way.
DEVOTEE: Which way?
SRI BABUJI: Dont ght among yourselves; be harmonious. Just live
like one
family. Dont mind small discomforts. Always be focused on
the
object of your love. And try to do what you say. Then I love
it.
1 Here, abuse means scoldings or harsh speech.
