How To Write A Great Seattle Poem, Part IBy Dex QuireFollow these guidelines and be confident that ever after nobody but your fellow poets will read and forget your poetry. That is the goal of all our writing, isnt it? od forbid, our fellow citi!ens should en"oy a vibrant and refreshing encounter with their own language. #ggh. The very thought $a%es $e shiver with revulsion.I. Anthropomorphize Nature&ature, in 'eattle, we got in abundance. (our freshly poured ce$ent driveway gets a crac% and next spring theres grass growing up through it. )s a friend who $oved here fro$ *alifornia said to $e+ ,- was surprised to see all the plants growing on the walls.. -ttoo% $e a $inute to reali!e he was referring not to ivy, but $oss. )nyway weve got lots of nature here in the northwest and the best way to use it is to pu$p it full of feelings.(our father has "ust died. /eres a starter for the poe$ you want to begin+0oo% out the window.The very hedges that are overgrown*ry out for dad and his hedge tri$$ers.But alas, they as% you to let the$ %eep growing,-n $e$oria$.But wait1 Dont li$it yourself to nature. )nthropo$orphi!e everything+ the coffee cup that re$inds you of your first divorce, the discarded (oga boo% that re$inds you of your second divorce and the dregs of wine in the crystal glass that $a%e you wonder who will get the wine cellar and the crystal glasses in your next divorce.II. Overwhelm The Reader2a%e sure your poe$ charts in detail the physical decay and harrowing death of a close friend fro$ )-D' or cancer or leu%e$ia. 3hile youre at it, $a%e sure that friend is a prisoner. 4referably on death row. 2a%e sure he paints watercolor and loves 'panish $odernist poetry. 5r better yet write about cops %illing gays wo$en transgendered friends. 0isten up you beginning poets. -f you cant really write poetry it doesnt $atter6 few listeners can hold up under the description of undeserved agony. Beginners7heres where you get a foot in the door. -f your loved one did not happen to die slowly then you $a%e a poe$ describing, in slow8$otion, a head8on car collision, etc.III. Be Satolo!ial 2a%e sure always to use blunt )nglo 'axon na$es for hu$an genitals and the activity that ta%e place there. /eres a good exa$ple+(our cuntish eyes wrangle $y coc% you fuc%ing bitch whore.I". #a$e Sure We %now Where &ou're At Politiall( -t is an established fact that protest poe$s change the course of world events. - cant give an exa$ple "ust now, there are "ust too $any of the$ for $e to pic% "ust one. ) good poe$ can touch the heart of a ruthless captain of industry and $a%e hi$ raise wages and stop calling the police to bust stri%es. ) good poe$ can have a congress$an or senator curled up on the carpet in front of his $ahogany des% crying for his $other and vowing to change his life for the better. ) ood poe$ is the strongest political weapon available to $an%ind. 2a%e sure you include a line hinting at how $uch you would relish the slow and grueso$e death of so$e republican. This is good for lots of applause and yelps at poetry sla$s and other public venues. (ou dont want, however, to co$e on too strong here. 5ur "ails are already cra$$ed with poets who have crossed the line and pissed off politicians. -n addition, critici!ing corporations is always good for applause at poetry sla$s and other public venues. /ighlight the fact that corporations arent $ade up of people li%e you and $e. 4aint the$ as $enacing, cloud8li%e entities run by "oystic% in thehands of sinister, corrupt $oguls whose chins drip the bones, blood and gore of the oppressed.". Be Heedle)) In (our *)e O+ ,lih-.0adle 9lather?: on the clich;s (ou dont want to tire your reader with original language and you certainly dont want to tire yourself. od forbid you distinguish yourself fro$ any other poet out there writing. /ere are a few exe$plars of superior dullness you cant do without+Fro$ the heart'trong as the wind'hine li%e a star)s s$ooth as glass'it bolt uprightTobacco8stained finger tips"I. Tr( To Brin! Rae Into It Somehow-f your parents passed on to you colors or facial features that are not what we thin% of as typically 'wedish be sure to re$ind everyone that )$erica is, for you, a living hell. ) swinging noose far$. ) sin%8hole of hope for racial progress, unchanged since ?. )fter all nothing turns the heart of a racist away fro$ his racis$ li%e a good angry poe$ denouncing racis$. Thin% &i%%i iovanni. Thin% anger. 3e poets arent all that rich but righteous anger is one of our few rich luxuries. Be sure to include a line about %illing 3hitey. These are good for huge laughs at poetry sla$s and other public reading venues. Do not $ention %illing any other color of person though6 theres no use beco$ing a racistin your urge to destroy racis$. (ou wouldnt want to violate the cannon of 3estern /u$anis$ in which our great art lodges. "II. #a$e Sure &ou ,on)tantl( Re+erene .uropean /ine Art, Poetr(, Arhiteture 3e in 'eattle, a prosperous but far ri$ slice of 3estern *ivili!ation, feel acutely our status as podun%s and hic%s. The only way we can overco$e our inferior frontier status isby continually referencing @uropean $asters. Quoting Dante is always good but $a%e sure you only reference the 4aolo and Francesca episode.0e a vitim1ma$e a )tron! )tand1Be triteABe therapeuticABe arbitrary