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2/26/2016 How to Tell a DoGooder Friend You Can’t Donate. Again. | Money.com
http://time.com/money/2853777/saynotodogooderfriend/ 1/3
FAMILY F INANCE CHARITY
How to Tell a DoGooder Friend YouCan’t Donate. Again.
Antonia Massa @antoniabmassa June 17, 2014
Have a pal who's soliciting for a pet cause every other week? Use theseconversational cues to decline without coming off as callous.
Got a friend who fiercely invests timeand energy in a charitable cause—andalways hits you up for donations toit? Supporting an organization yourpal cares about feels good at first,but you may not have enough fundsor passion for this particular charityto keep shelling out for gifts.
Your friend may not realize thatrepeatedly soliciting contributionsfrom you is making youuncomfortable. “What’s blindingyour friend? Probably theirenthusiasm,” says Maggie Baker, afinancial psychologist and author ofCrazy About Money. Of course, thefact that your friend’s request isheartfelt makes it all the harder tosay no to him or her.
Here’s how to gracefully put an endto your donations without losing afriendship.
YOU SAY: “I am so impressedby all the volunteer workyou’ve been doing. I admireyour commitment.”
Open the conversation by applaudingyour friend’s dedication to the cause,says Baker. If you’ve made yourfriend understand how supportiveyou are before you decline a requestfor money, your decision won’t seemlike a personal rejection.
YOU SAY: “I’ve run through mybudget for charitable donationsthis year, so unfortunately Ican’t make this a priority rightnow.”
You don’t have to tell your friend allthe nitty gritty details of your
2/26/2016 How to Tell a DoGooder Friend You Can’t Donate. Again. | Money.com
http://time.com/money/2853777/saynotodogooderfriend/ 2/3
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finances—or even that you don’tagree with the philosophy of the nonprofit or political candidate that heor she is backing. Explaining thatyou’ve exhausted your giving budgetthis year will reinforce that your “no”is not personal and help you avoidany unpleasant locking of hornsabout your divergent opinions.
Another diplomatic response: “It’sgreat you’re doing that, but I’m verycareful about how I budget forcharity,” suggests financial therapistand money coach AmandaClayman.This allows you convey toyour friend that you have otherpriorities when it comes to charitablegiving.
What if you don’t have a budget foryour charitable spending? This is agood time to create one. “It’s helpfulto have a budget,” says Neal Frankle,a financial planner and author ofWhy Smart People Lose a Fortune.“When that budget is up, it’s up.”
Related: How do I set a budget I canstick to?
YOU SAY: “I hope youunderstand where I’m comingfrom. For now I won’t be ableto contribute any more to thiscause, but thanks for thinkingof me.”
Be polite but firm. Avoid overapologizing for having differentfinancial priorities. “Don’t try tomanage other people’s feelings,” saysFrankle. “If you approach someonewith honesty and compassion,hopefully they’ll reciprocate.”
Though this might seem like anuncomfortable conversation,financial psychologist Brad Klontzsays it will likely benefit both parties.“Being really honest with your friendis a test of the strength of therelationship,” says Klontz. “Theperson may be mortified that to findout he’s making you uncomfortable.”
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2/26/2016 How to Tell a DoGooder Friend You Can’t Donate. Again. | Money.com
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