Teachings & Lessons

from Shenpen Hookham

© Shenpen Hookham

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CONTENT

Keeping it simple 05The Buddha's Birthday 07How thinking can make the pain worse 09Using language to point to our experience 11The significance of coincidences 12The Energy of Depression 14Letting go into space 15Strengthening our connections with the teachers of the lineage 16The two spheres of self and other 18Divine intervention in Buddhism 19When it is hard to practise 20Dharma will change our lives 21Family and the Path 22Faith and Trust in the Path to Awaken 23The Effects of Practice and Meditating 25Stabilizing the Mind and Probing our experience 27Mindfulness and Buddhism 28Understanding Mandala 30The Practice of reciting prayers 33Belief and Adhistana 35How to prepare for a meditation session 37How to develop compassion for oneself 38Enjoying life while remembering death 40Formless Meditation 41How to use formless meditation instructions 43The Practice of Meditation and Daily Life Awareness 44The Mandala Structure 45Defining the Terms „Generating“ and „Completion“ 47Reflecting on Heart Phrases 48There is No-Self 49An Equivalent for Chitta 51How we resist looking at the nature of our mind 53Heart Wish and Experience 55Trusting the Heart of Buddhism – focusing on mandalas 56Resting in the Awakened Heart 58One needs to learn the basic principles 61Feeling the heart wish in meditation 63When insight brings panic 64Connections which go from life to life 65The twelve links of dependent origination 67Regular or spontaneous practice 68Do I belong to this sangha? 69Not every thought is ego 70It was all going so well 72Karma is not about crime and punishment 74Going deeper – Relating to meditative experiences 75Feeling good about ourselves 77Loving kindness for ourselves 78

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Responding rather than reacting 79Loving ourselves – Dharma or self-help? 80Working with disturbing emotions 82The Mahamudra pranidhana and the true self 84Meditative absorption is not enough 85How much of a person goes on after death? 87Greetings at Losar – Tibetan New Year 2013 89Working with boredom 90When life is a struggle 92Prayers for the Dead 94Facing Death 95How do we Know the Buddha? 97Do I have to sit still in meditation? 99What does ego mean? 100Is it right to want things? 101It's not about self-improvement 102

About Lama Shenpen Hookham 104

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Keeping it simple

It is possible to talk about meditation in very rich and detailed ways, but this is not alwayshelpful. The important thing is to learn to be simple with the practice and then gradually westart to realise just how complicated our minds make things. A teacher can help us do this,as this discussion illustrates.

Student: The slogan "All dharmas agree at one point" as explained by Chogyam Trugpahas helped me in meditation. He seems to see the Hinayana1 as cutting throughwandering mind, Vipashyana2 as bringing all phenomena into the practice and Mahayana3

as being able to "give away each time". Do these three relate to clarity, openness andsensitivity, respectively?

Lama Shenpen: Probably it is possible to relate them, although I am not sure quite howuseful that would be. Certainly clarity has that function of cutting through the wanderingmind. It is needed at all levels of practice so I wouldn’t particularly call it Hinayana eventhough Trungpa Rinpoche used this term to name that phase of the practice. I would prefernot to complicate it by calling it Hinayana – what Rinpoche is referring to is the basicdiscipline of learning to cut through our own nonsense at the most obvious level. Cuttingthrough wandering mind suggest shamata doesn’t it? But I wouldn’t particularly link that toclarity even though of course clarity has to be there. Certainly Mahayana is associatedwith giving away but it is definitely for the sake of others and so I don’t think simply givingaway captures it. That is what I call non-attachment which belongs to the basic level. So allin all I am not sure if there is much to be said for trying to link this statement to opennessclarity and sensitivity. As I said, you could do if you wanted to...and do it at different levelsand from different points of view.

Student: When I meditate, clearing away is essential as a starting point. If that happens,then allowing sense impressions and everything to fill that space as equally as possiblehelps, because just emptying can't be maintained.

Lama Shenpen: This sounds a bit complicated to me. I don’t suggest in the instructions Igive that we start with clearing anything away. It is too project orientated. Senseimpressions including thoughts happen anyway so you don’t need to allow them to fill thespace as equally as possible. I am probably not following what you mean by that.

Student: The key of 'giving away' helps me a lot because it is distracting to feel the wellbeing that follows from the first two phases.

Lama Shenpen: It is fine to feel the well being that is inherent in the practice. That is whatit is all about.

1 The basic Buddhist path which seeks liberation for oneself.2 Insight meditation3 The 'great path' which seeks liberation for all beings.

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Student: There is a sense of attainment and pleasure that leads to trying to hold on to, oridentify "me" with that well being.

Lama Shenpen: That will be there for both good and bad, pleasurable and painfulexperiences. We are learning not to cling on to them at all phases in the practice – not justat the last stage. Giving or sharing is necessary because Bodhichitta is about caring aboutothers.

Student: Just feeling "It's not a big deal, it's for everyone, let them have it" allows me torelax. "Giving away" is not so generous as it might sound because the intent to give awaywell being does not leave me without it. It is more like sharing.

Lama Shenpen: Maybe it is a big deal - a far bigger deal than we imagine! But it is a goodidea to let go of any kind of clinging and making our egocentric efforts into some kind of bigdeal. The important thing is to learn to be simple with the practice and then gradually westart to realise just how complicated our minds make things. Learning to be simple is thegreatest of accomplishments – and that's when it is really important to have a teacher whocan pick us up on our complications.

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The Buddha's Birthday

At the festival of Sagadawa, all of us in the Tibetan tradition celebrate the Enlightenmentand remember the Paranirvana of the Buddha. This year, it falls on the full-moon ofMonday June 4th.

This day (in fact this whole month) is regarded as a particularly powerful time to practiseDharma and make special pranidhanas (wishing prayers and vows of commitment).Perhaps what gives this time its power is that Buddhists have been focusing onremembering the ultimate accomplishment of the Buddha's Enlightenment at this timeevery year for over two millennia!

As a Sangha we will be celebrating this festival at Bilberry Hill in Birmingham thisweekend, renewing our Refuge and Bodhisattva vows and making a feast offering to allthe Buddhas. It will also be celebrated with a Feast at the Hermitage by the stupa onMonday 4th June. There are different kinds of stupa commemorating different events in thelife of the Buddha. Ours is specifically for commemorating his Enlightenment so it isparticularly appropriate for us to celebrate that event on its special day. The stupa islooking particularly fine at the moment now that we have completed the inner pathway inslate and started planting lavender and so on around it.

Connecting strongly in our hearts and minds to the Enlightenment of the Buddhaintensifies our aspiration and longing to achieve what he achieved. It is good to read thelife of the Buddha and reflect on what it means to us at this time of great suffering in theworld. It seems that wherever we look we see disaster looming until we might be temptedto give up in despair. Then the light dawns. Of course this is what the Buddha taught.Samsara cannot be fixed. It will never be satisfactory. The good news is that there is atruth of cessation from suffering and a path that leads to it. Even better, that path is still tobe found in the world today and we can link into it as a living power or energy that candraw us to Enlightenment too. The Buddha's Enlightenment is not something way back intime that someone else accomplished and we can't. It is something alive in us today asmuch as it ever was and it is the fact the Buddha awakened to it and brought it alive in thisworld for us, that means we can link into it today.

The Buddha's Enlightenment is not in time and space and actually, if we could but realiseit, we aren't either. We are beyond thought and imagination. What we think and imagine isnot what we truly are. Nonetheless thinking and imagination point to it. So think of theBuddha's Enlightenment and let yourself imagine it and then let go of thinking and ride onthe inspiration that brings you, at least for a while. This is a whole practice in itself calledMindfulness of the Buddha (Buddhasmrti). By remembering the Buddha in this way, weopen our hearts and minds for the adhistana (blessing) of all the Buddhas to enter us andpervade all we do.

That is one way you could join in with our Sagadawa practices. You could also join in byoffering an extra candle or flower on your shrine at home and a special prayer for thecontinuing success of our Sangha helping to establish the power of the Dharma in the

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world, both for the sake of our own path to Awakening as well as the general welfare andAwakening of the world!

With love and prayers for you all to keep connected to the mandala of Awakening throughyour every action of body, speech and mind.

Sarva Mangalam!

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How thinking can make pain worse

Pain is the nature of Samsara4 and it will be with us for the whole of the path. We canhowever learn not to make it worse by adding to it the suffering caused by negativethinking, such as 'I can't stand this'. Thoughts like this are unnecessary and we can letthem go.

Student: I experience a great deal of physical pain and struggle to understand why. I canonly come up with the fact that everyone suffers. Some people talk as if I could be rid ofmy pain if only I could get my mind set right, which doesn't help me. I try to stay in themoment and enjoy each moment, but would be grateful for some advice.

Lama Shenpen: As far as making sense of the pain is concerned I think the only thing tothink is that pain is the nature of samsara. It is the first Noble Truth5 the Buddha taughtbecause he was not out to deceive us. He elevated it to a Noble Truth because until wetruly understand the depth and true nature of suffering there is no final Liberation from it. Itis going to be with us for the whole of the path whether we want it or not.

We all have to suffer and we none of us know when we will have to bear what and for howlong. Our situation can change so drastically and so suddenly and some forms of sufferinggo on and on. When we contemplate how this is true for every being there is everywherewe start to yearn for what goes beyond samsara – a state of mind in which we can faceany situation however intense with equanimity. This is the highest spiritualaccomplishment, its called Enlightenment. We can keep aspiring for it and for theconditions that will bring it about for ourselves and all beings. Such an aspiration is not justwishful thinking. Such aspiration is the path itself. The constant aspiration is the path.

Enlightenment itself is not conditioned but we are. We are so easily distracted anddiscouraged from even aspiring to realise what lies beyond all suffering. But the paindoesn’t go away. Even if it goes temporarily there is no guarantee that it won't come backuntil we are Enlightened. That is when we realise the true nature of reality which is our ownbeing. It is a long path and we have to suffer a lot on the way.

If you can relate to your present suffering with some kind of sense of it being your path,then the suffering itself becomes your practice. Just being able to let go of negativethinking and struggling with the pain and being more simple about it, that already meansyou are making the suffering into the path. Gradually as you learn to not add to your

4 The endless wandering round in an endless succession of lives each characterised by suffering. It isexistence as experienced by unenlightened beings, whether it’s the tread-mill of living from day to day,going nowhere except into old age and death, or the suffering of being trapped in delusion from one life tothe next.

5 The Four Noble Truths: The basic teaching of the Buddha:1. suffering2. the causes of suffering3. cessation of suffering4. the path out of suffering

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suffering by negative thinking, you will find the pain itself has a kind of quality of awarenessto it that can sometimes feel strangely ok... and that it is the thinking of 'I cannot stand this’that is the real suffering – the struggle... the remembering how long it has gone on anddreading how long it might last... this is thinking and adding something heavy and stressfulto the original sensation of pain. This can be reduced by noticing it is not the pain itself butan added suffering. It is possible to notice it is thinking and has no more status than anyother thought. Such thinking can be reduced tremendously by simply not feeding it with thebelief that it's necessary. Such thinking is not necessary... it is just like any other thoughtthat you let go of all the time. It is possible to let it go.

That is a huge thing to learn. It is massive. But even to learn it a tiny bit brings relief. Sothat is all I can suggest really. Pain such as yours is a harsh teacher but in the end maybekind. The rest of us are relatively heedless because we are not suffering that much rightnow. You have a goad forcing you to search deeply and to long for Enlightenment with afierce intensity – if you can extend this to all other beings who are suffering with you... andwe all will be sooner or later... then you are turning your suffering into your spiritual path. Itis not meaningless.

I don’t know if this helps. I hope it does.

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Using language to point to

our experience

A student on the Discovering the Heart of Buddhism distance learning course finds the firstcoursebook rather facile. Lama Shenpen explains that the purpose of the seemingly simpleexercises is not to define terms but to get the student to explore their own experience,which will be the basis for the whole course and indeed a lifetime of practice.

Student: The first coursebook asks me to define terms like 'heart' but I already know whatthey mean. Why do I have to do this? It feels very elementary.

Lama Shenpen: The first coursebook isn't really about defining terms. It is about exploringwhat language we are going to choose to use for talking about the essential point of thepath. It is often referred to as the Indestructible Heart Essence or the True Nature of Mind.But such expressions are mere terms. The question is what is it in ourselves that we areseeking to discover. What happens when we say 'heart' to ourselves: What does it evoke.That is not about a definition but pointing each person to something in their ownexperience, whatever that is, absolutely honestly. What happens when you let that wordtrigger a response in you? It is that response that I am getting you to explore and be ashonest about as you can whether that response is positive or negative, simple or complex,strong or weak. Only you know. It is nothing about definitions.

It's not about learning anything. It is about homing in on your experience, whatever it be.There is no difference here between a great meditation master or anybody else under thesun – their experience is their experience and always will be.

Student: I have tried to be open minded, and have carefully read the text and exercises,but I haven't completed any of them.

Lama Shenpen: I am not sure there is any such thing as completing any of the exercises.They are pointers and nudges in a certain direction that you might find helpful. They arecarefully structured to follow the way most of us think, but there is no right answer to any ofthem. They are leading somewhere but only somewhere in yourself – they are not reallyexercises that one could ever complete.

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The significance of coincidences

Coincidences seem to happen more and more as one progresses on a spiritual path, andthey arise from real connections which are only known by non-conceptual awareness. Wewould have to be fully enlightened to really understand them, but we can intuitivelynavigate our way through life by recognising the auspicious signs of these connections asthey manifest in our lives.

Student: Is it chance that we meet someone just at the right time when the odds of ithappening are a million to one? Are coincidences just a distraction, or are they anindication that the nature of reality is very different from the way we habitually regard it?

Lama Shenpen: I think you are entirely right in thinking that all this is a sign that thenature of reality is very different from the way we habitually think. I think Jung talked of thiskind of phenomenon in terms of synchronicity. It seems to happen more and more as oneembarks on a spiritual path. I have noticed it throughout my life but especially since Iseriously embarked on the path to Awakening. It happens at University where someonehands you the exact book you need, significant meetings of people on street cornerswhere the chances of that happening are so remote it does make the hairs on the back ofyour neck tingle. Coincidences of names and numbers, signs and symbols and so on –just as you describe in fact. Even in simple ways such as it always rains when I go onholiday. If it were true, what kind of universe would it be? Yet we sense something like thisgoing on all the time don’t we? It relates to the fact that actually there is only beings andthe connections between them. There is no other reality ‘out there’. Dependent arisingmight sound as if it relates to the fact that things ‘out there’ in the physical world and things‘in here’ in my personal experience depend on each other, (which they do to a largeextent). However when one looks more closely the things outside and inside are merelyprojections of our own minds. We create them from our thoughts. However our thoughtsare triggered by the real connections between things that are neither inside nor outside,nor in between. They are not anywhere. Even the idea of a place is a projection of ourminds. So the real connections that determine what triggers our ideas about things aredeep and mysterious and only known by non-conceptual awareness. They appear to oursenses as the world out there and the mind in here. This means that it is natural for whatappears outside to correspond to what is happening inside. One would expectsynchronicity to be happening all the time and perhaps it is and we just don’t notice it orknow how to read it.

Very realised Lamas will often make all the major decisions in their life based on what theycall ‘tendrel’ which is often translated as auspicious signs. They also spend a lot of theirtime creating tendrel or auspiciousness in the sense of making sure that all the rightcauses and conditions are brought together with the right aspirations and intentions,empowered by the adhistana or blessing power of the mandala of Awakening for thebenefit of all beings. This is all about the same level of reality that I allude to above. It isnot the external conditions and connections that are going to produce auspiciousness, northe internal ones. The external and internal connections are emanating from that primordial

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non-place and non-time represented by that point in time and space where the conditionscame together. How that kind of connection works is totally beyond our conceptual mind.These are the real connections between things – they are sometimes referred to as theDharmata connections. You have to be fully Enlightened to be privy to them, to the Totalityof everything. Nevertheless we can intuitively navigate our way through life by recognisingthe auspicious signs of these connections manifesting in our life circumstances. The veryfact that we meet who we meet in life means there is a deeper connection there thanmerely the apparent circumstances happening right here and now. That is why Tibetansalways say that it is never by chance that we all meet together for an auspicious occasionconducive to Awakening. The connections that brought it about span lifetimes anduniverses and different realms of existence. It is not just this time and place. How limitedthe effects of our actions would be if their existence ended when we left this world? Ouractions might leave an imprint on this world for a while but we would no longer be part of it.The effects of our actions would be lost to us.

The Buddhist teaching is that the effects of our actions contribute to the real connectionsbetween ourselves and others so that they are never lost. This is more than just myactions affect the world I live in and will rebound on me from that world. This is about theeffects of my actions determining the connections I will encounter throughout all my lifetimes in this or any other realm of existence.

So yes the nature of reality is very different from the way we habitually think!

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The Energy of Depression

Depression can be thought of as a blockage in our energy flow, and sometimes distractionor physical movement can help to relieve it. At other times it is too strong for that, but wecan keep working with it, being kind to ourselves, recognizing it as a mental state that willpass.

Student: Can you give me some hints about how to practice with depression?

Lama Shenpen: Depression is a huge topic, isn’t it? I understand what you are sayingabout it not lifting – just feeling like being squeezed and however much you tell yourself itssimply experience and there is no need to struggle with it, that deadness is somehow allpervading and as you say heavy. In Tibetan they refer to this condition in terms of prana orenergy flow……subtle mind energy or even heart or life energy….life itself…..our life forceand it does get blocked which implies its natural mode is to flow….and it flows alongchannels which are equally mysterious and subtle……….and the mind and the body isenlivened and functions by this energy flow. Sometimes the blockage is so strongly held inthe body that actual body movement helps to get the flow going again better than trying topush your mind to do something. Even changes in our body chemistry brought on by anti-depression drugs can help.

Distractions can help if it’s a mild blockage - somehow they let the mind relax enough forsomething to unfreeze, but sometimes it just makes things worse because you don’t reallyget to the root of the blockage. In a way the whole of samsara is like blockages in the flowof the life energy - you could think of it like that! Depression is just a very intenseexperience of just how bad that kind of blockage can get. I am not sure there is a lot onecan do in terms of meditation when the blockage is very strong, but in general it is veryimportant what kind of thoughts you cultivate and believe in, both when depressed andwhen out of it – I think everyone who has had to suffer a lot of depression knows this muchbetter than I do, and I guess that is what you are saying basically. I don’t really have a lotto add to that. All aspects of Dharma practice can help and sometimes nothing helps, butas you say even if thinking of impermanence doesn’t help, in fact all mental states areimpermanent and so all we can do is hang on in there and learn how to navigate our waythrough them. At least you can remember to be kind to yourself and not make things worseby telling yourself you are a failure. You can tell yourself that even after spending a longtime in such a state it is possible to suddenly pop out of it and become enlightened!

I hope this helps.

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Letting go into space

When we let go into space in meditation, we don't need to work hard at imagining space.It's more about remembering that the mind is empty and open, and taking that as a hint.We can then let go into something for an instant. It is important to deepen our convictionthat the mind really is spacious and open, by working on developing insight.

Student: When I reach the end of the outbreath, I find myself facing the question of Whatto do with the mind. Since I already know the answer intellectually, I am curious why itcomes up so often.

Lama Shenpen: Well, the question does arise doesn’t it? You reach the end of the breathand then what? Before you had something to focus on and now you don’t. It is a big shift, abit like dropping off a cliff. Where do you go from there? It is important to not be too literalminded with meditation instructions. They are only hints. You have to somehow intuitivelysense what they are getting at. In the context of the instruction of letting go into space atthe end of the out-breath you have to remember that the nature of mind is empty, open,space-like. If you lack conviction about this then when you come to the end of the breathyou will find yourself having to imagine space and that can be quite hard work. I don’trecommend it really. But if you don’t imagine it what are you to do?Maybe its something like taking a hint, or an inspiration from an image in a poem. Theimage has to suggest something in your experience that you recognize and then yousomehow resonate with it. This only works for an instant and then you sort of open out tothat experience before finding you have drifted off somewhere or gone back to theinbreath. If you have drifted off then notice the strangeness of that, thinking that ishappening nowhere, and return to the breath.

Having said that, actually what you really have to do is to work on the insight side in orderto reach conviction that the mind really is naturally spacious, open and empty - and thatmeans real insight and understanding has to arise. That requires working on deepeningyour insight – you could start by going through the second half of the Introduction toMeditation Booklet that comes with the [Discovering the Heart of Buddhism] course andtrying some of the questions there.When your meditation is fairly steady and calm, start to introduce one of these questions towonder about as you let go into space, something like ‘What space?’ Is it inside or outsidethe mind? Where does it end? Does it end? Are these questions and thoughts inside thatspace or outside it? You may find you need to talk to me about this so that I can help youfocus on how to look – it is all like pointing a finger at the moon. Its important not to beheavy handed about it. You will have to make some kind of leap or jump from finger tomoon, from the words to something in your experience that you will recognize and willknow that it is that - because you will feel a sense of that is the right direction.

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Strengthening our connections

with the teachers of the lineage

By making pranidhanas we strengthen our connections with our teachers, who act for uslike the Buddha. That makes it much easier for us to receive the blessings of the lineage.

Student: I have been reading your book 'There's more to dying than death'. I have beenthinking about the need to form the right kind of karmic connections and intentions so thatwe could be reborn in a world in which a Buddha had given his teachings and they werestill taught. Does this make sense and can you say some more about it?

Lama Shenpen: Yes absolutely. That is why I include sections on pranidhana6 andconnections in the Living the Awakened Heart training. The way to form those karmicconnections is pranidhanas (especially the Samantabhadracharyapranidhana and theMahamudra Pranidhana of Rangjung Dorje).

The whole point is to ensure that you are reborn in a world in which a Buddha has giventeachings and they are still taught...and also so that we have the capacity to relate to theteachings in the right way and be able to understand, practice and realise them. One canmake aspiration prayers one's whole practice by noticing whenever we fall short of ourRefuge and Bodhisattva vows and then having acknowledged that falling short make astrong aspiration prayer never to fall short like that again and keep resolving like that againand again - 'May I in future be able to practice equanimity like all the great Bodhisattvas inthe past, those of the present and to come'...or whatever other pranidhana we want tomake.

'May I in future rejoice in the qualities of my teachers and Dharma companions and servethem with respect so that their qualities arise also in me.'

And so on - endless pranidhanas!

Once you understand deeply that the Buddha nature is all pervading and time and spaceare illusory - then clearly the Buddha is truly present at all times and we are constantly inthe presence of the Buddha. The Guru who points out to us the true essence of our being,that very Buddha Nature, is the embodiment of the Buddha and acts for us like the Buddhaand is the connection we need with all the Buddhas and to treat him or her as the Buddhaenables the blessing of all the Buddhas to connect with our Buddha Nature directly.If one can maintain pure vision like this, then the power of the adhistana of the lineage can

6 Pranidhana: a wishing prayer, such as 'may all beings be happy'.

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enter our hearts with great ease. It is a matter of having the simplicity and humility and anopen and trusting heart.

It's called faith.

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The two spheres of self and other

The inner sphere of self and the outer sphere of other are distinct but not separate. Wherethey meet there is activity, and the sensitivity of the interface may be experienced as joy orpain. When there is pain we try to separate the two, and that is the source of our suffering.

Student: It came to me recently that I am entirely responsible for my own suffering andnobody is to blame. This insight felt very powerful and liberating, and I could see that itleads to compassion for the suffering of others, whether it seems to be caused by me ornot.

Lama Shenpen: That is right. That sounds like a very powerful insight.

Student: But at the same time, I do not want to do or say things that ‘make’ othersunhappy or upset, even though I know they must be every bit as responsible for their ownsuffering as I am. And I do want to 'make' other people happy, and feel that this ispossible. So how is it that we affect each other, while still being responsible for our ownfeelings?

Lama Shenpen: I think what you are talking about here is the joy and aliveness that isthere when the sphere of self meets the sphere of other - something happens on theinterface between the spheres even though there is no separation.

The spheres are distinct and yet identical.... like the inside and outside of a sphere. Theline that forms the sphere has no dimensions and the points that form it are not anydifferent from all the points inside and outside the sphere - yet mysteriously when there isa centre and a periphery there is a meeting of the spheres and everything that happens,happens because of that sphere of action where the two spheres (inner and outer) meet.This is an image that I find very helpful for understanding how there is joy in the meetingeven though there is no difference and no separation.

Sometimes the sensitivity of the interface can be experienced as pain and so we try toseparate or make the two spheres separate in some way.... and that is how we end upsuffering.

This makes sense to me in an experiential way...I think we are talking about the joy andpain of intimacy here aren’t we?

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Divine intervention in Buddhism

The Buddhas and Bodhisattvas are always willing to help us as much as they can, but theyare limited by the karma of any given situation, and so their intervention might not beobvious.

Student: Do Buddhists talk about divine intervention?

Lama Shenpen: I believe there is such a thing as divine intervention in that I believe theBuddhas and Bodhisattvas always are there helping as much as it is possible to help usgiven our karmic situation and the power of adhistana7 in our connection with the mandala8

of awakening. So people’s prayers do help but if the karmic9 situation is unfavourable thehelp doesn’t manifest in any obvious way.

7 Adhistana: Sustaining power, grace, blessing8 Mandala: Any structure with a centre and periphery. In most contexts one can substitute for mandala

‘world’, as used in the metaphorical sense. For example, we talk of the world of our experience, our socialworld, our psychological world, our whole world collapsing.

9 Karma: ‘action’ or ‘work’. Although it refers to our volitional actions that have inevitable consequences forus in this and future lives, the term is commonly used to refer to the consequences themselves, especiallyin the way they manifest as happiness and suffering in this life.

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When it is hard to practise

The practice that we do when we are well and happy creates Dharma connections that willsustain us in times of difficulty, when it is hard to practise.

Student: Why is it that now, when practising would be most beneficial, it is really hard todo?

Lama Shenpen: It is not at all surprising that it is at such times as this that you find ithardest to practice. This is the case for many of us on the spiritual path – I have heard itfrom an experienced Christian nun too. In my case I just rely on an underlying confidenceand sense of something supporting me, and leave it at that. I expect that is how I will dietoo... confident, not panicking, as relaxed as possible, keeping things simple and as yousay one step at a time. Let your Dharma connections work for you. It is the time for lettinggo having put the work in beforehand.

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Dharma will change our lives

Following a spiritual path is bound to change our lives, and may challenge our relationshipswith our partners, family and work. But death will do that anyway, so in the end Dharma willbe all that matters.

Student: I am committed to practising Buddhism and it has become an important part ofmy life, but although I say I want to develop insight, I am afraid of it because it might meanthat my life has to change. What if I lose my family and everything we have built together?What if I realize that things I really believe in are not true?

Lama Shenpen: Actually it is not unusual for this kind of concern to come up forpractitioners in the West. Families can feel quite threatened when someone in the familystarts to devote their time to spiritual practice. It's often seen as a kind of criticism of theirway of life, a kind of turning away from them and their values… so yes it takes a lot ofcourage to step out on your own. It does change relationships between partners. If apartner can be happy and glad for the other partner to follow their chosen path and supportand encourage them, then that is wonderful. But this doesn’t always happen. Alsosometimes there is a kind of pay-off for one partner for the other one to stay the same,maybe one partner likes to be the protective one who knows best for everyone and so it’sa big threat for the other partner to become more self-reliant and less ‘needy’.

The spiritual path will upset old dysfunctional patterns. There is no doubt about that. If weare clinging on to something or trying to hide behind something, then opening to theDharma will feel threatening and dangerous. And we are all clinging and hiding to someextent, so Dharma is going to be something we resist. However, when all is said and donewe are all going to die. Nothing in this life is that important in the end except the Dharmaand our connection with the Mandala of Awakening. Everything else will end anyway - ourrelationships, our families, our homes, our work, our careers, our favourite pastimes - all ofthat is going to be irrelevant when death strikes. And it could strike today, our own death orthe death of our loved ones. The idea that there is a choice is an illusion. If we wanthappiness for ourselves and others then we have to go the Dharma way, so it is no wonderyou find yourself going that way anyway. What is the point of trying to deceive ourselves?

I hope this answer is helpful in some way.

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Combining a spiritual path

with family life

If we have made a commitment to a partner or family, we need to honour that as part of anethical life which will support our practice. Sometimes this can be very difficult, but it is allpart of the path.

Student: Now that I am practising Buddhism I find that my priorities are changing and I amworried about how to balance my practice with my commitment to my wife and children.What can I do?

Lama Shenpen: Thank you for this question. I often get asked the same thing. There is noeasy answer. Ultimately we want to bring all beings to liberation from suffering - to theunshakable liberation of the heart - and in order to do this, first we have to liberateourselves.The Buddha knew the time had come and that he was ready - he left his familyand returned within ten years bringing them enlightenment and establishing them on thepath.

For us, we are not so far along the path. We find ourselves in family situations where ourduty is clearly to practise within that situation as best we can. It is challenging. Our familyis likely to have values that conflict with our own. Are we to let ourselves be distracted byserving their values that lead to more samsara or find a way of being true to our valuesthat lead the way out of samsara? Can we use the situation to practice generosity, keepingthe precepts (shila), forbearance, enthusiastic effort, meditation and wisdom?

Khenpo Rinpoche told me that the Awakened Heart Sangha should combine practising inhome-life with practising in retreat. Each person has to find their own way of holding thatcombination depending on their life circumstances. He called home-life practisingausterities, practising working with obstacles in order to develop equanimity. So given thatyou have made a commitment to your family, that is a kind of shila, isn’t it?

As for distancing from your family, I notice that people seem to grow apart these days asthey pursue their own individual interests unless there is a good understanding betweenthe people concerned. The more people understand and appreciate each other the morethey can learn from each other’s experiences. For someone on the spiritual path this isperhaps easier than for someone who is not. Nonetheless when someone not on the pathsees how much meaning the spiritual path gives to those who are on it they can learn torespect it and so that kind of distancing doesn't occur. In fact in the end it draws themcloser together than would otherwise be possible. The connections that matter are theheart connections.

Does this help at all?

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Faith and trust

in the path to Awaken...

Faith and trust in the path to Awakening and reading about the lives of the Buddha and hisdisciples will help us face any fear or hesitation we might feel in practising formlessmeditation.

Student: I wondered if could I ask you for some advice on formless meditation. It is aboutconfidence I guess, the theme described in Coursebook Two. I have been meditating for awhile and have recently noticed a sense of unease when letting go fully. It is as thoughletting go fully will lead to somewhere not as comfortable as the present and may changemy whole world view.

Lama Shenpen: Yes, indeed, it might. It might feel uncomfortable at first. This is largelybecause of a false sense of comfort that has built up through habits based on delusion.You need to think again and again about how uncomfortable your present world-view isactually. Then you will have the motivation to let go.

Student: This is despite reminding myself of the truth of impermanence, suffering and notself.

Lama Shenpen: As well as reminding yourself of how unsafe your present world-view is, itis important to build up faith and trust in the path to Awakening. It is good to read the livesof the Buddha and his great disciples down the ages and to reflect on what they imply.

You need to get a sense that there is something to let go into - there is some nature ofreality that is basically good - that you can trust. There is more about this kind of thing inthe follow up course called Trusting the Heart of Buddhism. When you start getting deepinsights it is common to get a sense of a great gulf starting to open up which is scary.

So then you need to feel sure about the Refuge in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha andthat others have gone this way and that there is support of some kind once you let go.

Student: I guess my ego is clinging on, but I wondered is there anything I should activelydo about this or should I just simply allow things to naturally be and explore further. Also itsometimes seems difficult imagining confidence will grow in time with the practise offormless meditation. I guess it is because it is so different to how I normally relate to thingsand there is a large element of trust and faith required here.

Lama Shenpen: Well - you are coming up with the answer yourself here, aren’t you?

You do need to learn to trust and that takes the confidence to trust yourself and your ownexperience on the one side and the confidence to trust the path on the other. You need towork on both fronts really and gradually, or even quite suddenly sometimes, the penny

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drops and you find yourself launching out into the unknown and it’s ok – actually, it’s fine.

However, sometimes reality can come rushing through in a big spurt and you get a strongpartial experience (nyam) of emptiness and this can be frightening. Even sometimes,without realising it is this that is happening, you can feel intense fear seemingly aboutnothing at all.

The thing to do is to relax and take Refuge in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. If youwant more information about what that means there is a booklet with that name that tellsyou more about it.

You have to not mind the fear. It is important not to panic. If you panic, you start to try tograsp or run and that leads nowhere. There is nothing to grasp at and nowhere to run. Soyou may as well trust the whole process and relax as best you can.

That kind of intensity of experience does not last - it doesn’t usually last very long at all. Sojust try to relax. That takes confidence - maybe it is confidence actually.

I hope this helps.

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The effects

practise and meditating can have

The effects practise and meditating regularly can have; the importance of linking practise tothe heart wish

Student: The retreat last month in Gloustershire was hard, seemed extreme to me whohad never experienced anything like this before. That is not to say hard and unwelcome, Iwas curious and felt quite privileged to experience something so extreme.Maybe the old idea that if it's hard it must be doing me good lingers here somewhere. Butthat I suppose is a goal driven notion. It is those goal driven notions that are so persistent.

Lama Shenpen: Yes, it’s interesting how often we get that idea that it should be hard inorder to be any good – ‘you don’t get anything for nothing’. ‘If it’s too cheap it can’t begood.’ There is a lot of that kind of thinking about, isn’t there?But I think in this case it’s not just goal orientation and funny thinking. I think rising to achallenge is good in itself. It is like a wake up call perhaps.

Student: I have been trying to meditate regularly though it's amazing how often I findmyself out of the door on some unimportant errand with the vague idea there wassomething I meant to do before I left, and then wondering why I forgot.

Lama Shenpen: That is a common phenomenon. That is why it’s so important to link thepractise to the heart-wish – so you remember what it is that is important to you and keepaligning yourself with that, reflecting on how and why it’s important, then thinking throughwhat that is going to require in practice rather than just leaving it all vague.You just have to keep doing that again and again. Eventually the message gets through!

Student: When I started meditation I sat there trying to open myself up like an iron door,the iron door firmly resisting feelings of pain. Pain of loss I suppose and a normal part oflife.As you said, just doing the meditation, changes something. I was meditating today andwas aware as usual of the everyday thoughts intruding but also aware that it was as if theywere a little further away than before, or just a little less important.At the same time I realised the iron door was a little less rigid. So that was aboutacceptance. Do I want reassurance? I don't think so, I just want to register somewherethat this matters.

Lama Shenpen: Yes, it does matter.

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Student: I have questions about the course work, I skim through it saying to myself yes,yes, yes, I know all that which is an attitude that worries me. On the other hand I worry thatif I write down all the thoughts as instructed I may become didactic in my approach.

Lama Shenpen: There is no need to write down answers if you don’t find that helpful. Ormaybe you might want to write something later on when you come back to it at some point.The important thing is to take those things you know so well and really home in on them.Really link into their significance or rather let their significance talk to you. If you know thatso well why do you forget?Why do you live your life as you do? Are you really acknowledging, aligning with andhonouring those things - or do you just treat them as things that are there in thebackground but you never really get round to thinking about them.And when you think about them, actually they are very profound things - the more youhome in on them the more meaning you find in them. So it’s important to keep revisitingthose things you know and make sure you are doing them justice.

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Stabilizing the mind

and probing our experience

In meditation, it is important to stabilize the mind (shamatha)10 before probing ourexperience (vipashyana)11. However, the questioning process of vipashyana is not aboutfinding answers, it is about staying with the questions, and that is not going to becomfortable.

Student: When I meditate, my mind does not feel very stable and I wonder if this is why Ifind it difficult to probe my experience with vipashyana meditation. Do you think that it maybe wiser for me to work with stabilizing my mind using shamatha before doing a lot ofvipashyana?

Lama Shenpen: I think there are two things here. Yes you need to settle into some level ofshamatha so that you are feeling relatively peaceful and able to start wondering about yourexperience in a sustained way. I think the other thing is that it sounds as if you are turningthe questioning into an intellectual exercise. You may have started asking the questions asif you were supposed to come up with answers rather than simply staying with your ownnatural questions and having the confidence to just allow them to be there, unansweredand yet staring you in the face. It requires courage, confidence and humility to stay withthose existential questions and realize that here is the beginning of the path. It is not acomfortable place to be until you realize that this place is in fact in itself the path…

10 Any meditation technique that leads to sustained peace and calm, unwavering concentration11 Insight meditation; any meditation technique that links into Awakening.

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Mindfulness and Buddhism

Mindfulness is a secular practice that helps people to let go of negative thinking and beliefsand find resources within themselves, just as Buddhist practice does. It is possible then togo beyond this and come to a realization of not-self.

Student: How does Mindfulness [a secular movement to apply meditation practices toeveryday life, especially in a clinical setting] compare with Buddhist practice? It seems toteach acceptance but is that the same as Awakening? It could just lead to despair.

Lama Shenpen: It is important to find a place in yourself that is resourced and confidentwhatever is happening in your experience.

Although studies on the Mindfulness that is taught these days to relieve stress show goodresults, often better than medical intervention - still there is a sizeable proportion of peoplefor whom it doesn’t really work. I wonder if the difference lies with the extent to whichpeople can find that place in themselves that is resourced and confident.I have noticed over the years that meditation or mindfulness instruction is a tricky businessbecause it requires a very open and responsive approach. People have differentassociations with words and phrases so that what works for some actually misleadsothers.

For people who hear ‘acceptance’ in this context as some kind of order – who hear it assaying ‘just put up with it’, ‘stop complaining’ – it is not going to have very positive results.So what might be a better way of expressing what is meant?

The important thing is to drop the habit of ordering yourself about in a heavy handed kindof way. Rather than telling yourself to accept your experience or any other kind of order, Ithink it's important to ask yourself for a genuine response. So asking yourself ‘what do Ireally want more than anything else right in my heart of hearts?’ might take yousomewhere that you could never order yourself to go. It might be something like ‘I justwant all this pain to stop, all of it, my own and that of others too’. No doubt as soon as youhave voiced such a wish the thought will come up ‘But that is impossible...’

It is worth noticing that what it feels like as you find that wish in yourself. It is worth acting itout physically. For example you might want to walk around the room or the garden in anopen expansive way saying to the sky ‘I really wish for all this pain to stop for both myselfand others’. As you do it, notice the strong voice that might even start screaming at you ‘Itis impossible’. Don’t act out that voice. Just notice it is thinking. It is an emotional reactionand a strong thought riding on that reaction. It is a belief. You might find yourself saying –‘it is not just a belief. It is true’. So notice that you really believe it is true. That belief is athought whether it is true or not. So now you have two things. You have a strong wish forhappiness and a strong belief that it is not possible.

Acceptance or letting things be as they are in this case would be to accept that unfailing

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heart wish for happiness for yourself and others at the core of your being as being whatyou truly are and to accept the fact that the strong belief that happiness is not possible is athought that you don’t have to hold on to. You cannot get rid of the wish for happiness butyou can let go of the thought that it is impossible. Would you say that was true?

Does that help answer the questions you ask above? A deep realisation of not self wouldnaturally take you to that place of openness where you could let go of negative beliefs –but usually we do not have a deep realisation of not self simply by practising Mindfulness.In Buddhist tradition we practise Mindfulness as a necessary foundation for coming to arealisation of not self. Mindfulness is about learning to let go of negative thinking andbeliefs and finding that resourced confident place in yourself that is your heart.

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A further explanation

of understanding mandala

A further explanation of understanding mandalas

Student: Do mandalas really exist or are they something we create, albeit unconsciously?

Lama Shenpen: A subtle question!

This question is like the question of whether a mathematical point exists in its own right orwhether we create it. We can define a point with complete accuracy, yet it has nodimensions and no characteristics. So what is it? Was it there before we defined it or didour defining it, create it?

It is a deep question. If we say we created it, then does this mean that we create the worldthat consists of points? Is there any world that doesn’t consist of points? What actually isthe relationship between points and 'the world'?

Actually I am talking here of mandalas. Featureless space would seem at first glance to bestructureless. However, once we define a point we have infinite directions andinterconnections between points that relate to that one point. Was all that created by usdefining one point or was it all already there and we simply focused on it?

Are mathematical entities (such as points) created by the mind or discovered by the mind?What are they in the absence of mind? These are deep and extremely pertinent questions,I would say.

The way to approach these questions is through letting go of false assumptions andsomehow moving into the space that opens up as you do this. This is what we callmeditation. It is a path of discovery - of waking up to what is real, once we let go of falseassumptions.

The first step in the process is to open to the experience of not knowing the answer tosuch questions, without at the same time shutting off and thinking 'This cannot be known'.One remains interested, amazed even, without 'knowing'. That is what it means to trustopenness.

A point is in itself a mandala. It is a centre and a periphery. Unless we use the point todefine other points the mandala is featureless and its boundary mysteriously everywhere.

As soon as there is a defined point, you can ask 'What is this?' Maybe the boundary of thatmandala is between the point and the one asking; or between definition and non-definitionor ... there are other possibilities, I am sure.

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One thing to notice here, though, is that this is an emotional matter. It matters in somemysterious way whether we know what that point is or not.

What is that emotion? Where is it? It wants something. It wants clarity perhaps - but whatis that? Meaning? These are not just abstract questions that a computer could compute.These are matters of the heart, you might say.

Why anything at all? There is something essential to all this that seeks value and meaningand it will itself be the touchstone that declares the value good and the meaning true.

When we are talking about mandalas, we are talking about structures as fundamental asthat, and the question is whether there is any other world outside of all that.

Student: Is the personal mandala the only mandala that is ultimately real, as anexpression of consciousness?

Lama Shenpen: Another very subtle question.

To begin with, we talk of a personal mandala as a way of talking about the person at all. InBuddhism there is so much emphasis on what is not the self and what is not the person, ifone is not careful, one ends up thinking Buddhism is trying to teach that there are nobeings at all. If that were the case, love and joy and all the wonderful qualities of beingswould have been rendered meaningless illusion.

The Buddha did not teach this. He taught about Awakening, about Nirvana, about therealm of the Unborn. So it is pertinent to ask who Awakens? Who realises Nirvana? Whoenters the realm of the Unborn? And what would count as an answer?

We have to have some kind of account of what is a person. In Buddhism this is mainlydealt with by telling stories, the stories of Awakened beings and then relying on ourintuition to work out their meaning.

In our times, people tend to play down their intuition and although they love stories ofAwakening, they are afraid that they are not true. Intellectually, they tend to trust cold factsrather than intuitive leaps, even though actually their whole life and experience is based onintuitive leaps. No one of us could function as a sane human being (or even an insanehuman being) without making such leaps.

The personal mandala is an example of such an intuitive leap. Even though we can find nosolid facts to support it, we base our life entirely on our intuition that we have a personalmandala that differs from all other personal mandalas.

We also intuit, again with no solid facts to support it, that we are not alone. There are otherpersonal mandalas 'out there' somehow. At the same time we intuit, with no solid facts tosupport it, that those other personal mandalas communicate with us and they matter andwe matter. These are the mandalas that offer hope of satisfaction to our search formeaning.

The value in calling these mandalas rather than people is that the mandala is such a basic

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structure, it begs no further questions, such as is it mind or matter? Such questions can beasked, but the mandala itself remains without question.

If we talk of a person rather than a personal mandala, we are on less certain ground. Howdo you talk of the whole of a person's personal experience without it sounding merelysubjective? How do you talk of everything that constitutes a person without it soundingobjective? How can you talk about a person so that we are talking about something sobasic that we can move the discussion further?

I think talking in terms of a personal mandala works well. We can then discuss what that isand how it relates to other personal mandalas and then how do mandalas of differentpersons share experiences in common. In other words how do mandalas interact witheach other to produce a consensus world?

We can ask all these questions without presupposing that we are talking about either mindor matter. Such questions can wait and perhaps be redefined as necessary as we go on.

It might be, in the end, that the personal mandala is amazing beyond all our imagining.Maybe it is an expression of Openness, Clarity and Sensitivity as all-pervading and all-encompassing as the fully Awakened Buddha. Maybe that is what each of us ultimately is.

That is why your question is deep and subtle.

Student: Is it true to say the following - 'Everything I experience is a reflection of thepersonal mandala, so the world I perceive is something I create from within, rather thanme being a separate entity within the world over which I have had no influence increating' ?

Lama Shenpen: You are hot on the trail here. Maybe what I have said above answers thisquestion now.

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The practice of reciting prayers

The practice of reciting prayers, its importance in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition and how itcan be a deep and effective practice and a support to the practice of formless meditation.

Student: It became meaningless words after a while. To put my heart into the practice Ifeel I would rather do something like sending loving thoughts.

Lama Shenpen: It is interesting just how much emphasis the Tibetan Buddhist traditionputs on recitation of prayers. Many Westerners have found this a great disappointmentwhen encountering Tibetan Buddhism. It is quite common to be given so much recitation todo that one ends up with no time to actually do any formless meditation.

Trungpa Rinpoche really broke the mould in a radical way when he followed the Japanesetradition in this respect and got his students doing a lot of formless meditation, both on aregular basis on their own and even more unconventionally (for Tibetan Buddhism) doing itin groups in the shrine room. Generally speaking, Tibetans do not do formless meditationsessions together. If they do it at all, they do it alone and I have even heard tell that if youare caught doing it alone in the monastic setting, you might very well get ridiculed for tryingto do 'high' practices that you are unqualified for.

I have known Tibetan teachers to refuse to sit in silence with Westerners who wanted to doformless meditation in their presence, because they didn't believe that anything would begoing on. They would prefer to recite mantras or prayers with the group, because then it’ssure that something is going on!

That is just how Tibetan Buddhism has grown up. There is no doctrinal reason for it. Thereis no reason to think that recitations are inherently a more powerful practice than formlessmeditation. Personally, all my teachers within the Tibetan Buddhist tradition haveencouraged me to do the formless meditation as much as I can and have from thebeginning given me all the instructions I needed for doing so.

Nevertheless, I have to admit, they do still tend to suggest a lot of recitation. If I say Iwould prefer to do more formless practice and sutra reading and Bodhichitta12 practice,they do not say there is a problem with that. It seems to just be a habit to assume that thebest way to get people to focus on the practice is to give them some target number ofrecitations to do.

They would justify this by saying that there is a lot of adhistana13 and connection involvedin that. It accumulates lots of punya14 and purifies lots of karma. Well, all Dharma practiceaccumulates punya and purifies karma and nothing does so more effectively than

12 Awakened Heart or Mind Itself13 sustaining power, grace, blessing14 merit

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Bodhichitta. There is no better connection and no greater adhistana than Bodhichitta.

So, going back to the original question, I think one should always do the practice thatcomes most strongly from one’s heart, the practice that one has the most confidence in.We don’t need lots of different practices. Doing different practices might be good becausethey wake us up and make us feel confident, but in essence they are all the same practice.I don’t think you will find a Tibetan who doesn’t know this.

Nevertheless, I think there is a sense in which having targets to aim for galvanises energysometimes and helps to keep oneself going. In the absence of any tangible sign ofprogress such as deepening faith, compassion and understanding, it’s a rough and readyrule of thumb. At least there is some sort of measure of what is going on. Possibly it grewpartly out of a need for monks to be able to tell their sponsors what they were doing forthem. I think that is why you get so much of it in Tibetan Buddhism.

I think an important aspect of the idea is that of building up confidence, in the sense offeeling one has really done something significant that one can then dedicate for the benefitof others. It gives the opportunity to practice shila15. You make a commitment and resolveto do a certain number of recitations. You do it as best you can. Then you dedicate thepunya of having done it for the Enlightenment of all beings. That is the pattern.

Then you can be more specific if there are particular things that you want to 'pray' for. Youresolve to do a number of recitations for a particular purpose such as a request for prayersfor someone. Sometimes it is expressed even more specifically than that, as if a certainnumber of recitations will produce a certain effect. Maybe this kind of statement increasesfaith and confidence for some people.

Sometimes Tibetan doctors do this. They suggest a certain number of prostrations orrecitations in order to cure a certain sickness. It seems to work sometimes, I have to admit.So what can one say? Nevertheless, I must say I find all that sort of thing a bit over the topand I take it with a pinch of salt. I think Reality has to be more subtle and complex thanthat. Well, of course, maybe it is and the joke is on me!

I should add here that I am not trying to suggest that recitation cannot be a deep andeffective practice. Trungpa Rinpoche was very impressed with the little book “The Way ofthe Pilgrim” and the Eastern Orthodox practice of the Jesus prayer. He felt there was aclose affinity to Tibetan Buddhist practice in this.

15 discipline, making a commitment

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Belief and Adhistana

The importance of faith that arises from experience and how to move forward with genuineunderstanding.

Student: What I’m wondering is to what extant it’s OK to see our experience of Openness,Clarity and Sensitivity as a matter of suggestion.

Lama Shenpen: Definitely one should regard all this talk of Openness Clarity andSensitivity as suggestion. All Dharma talk should be seen as suggestion.

Then we should look at whose suggestion it is and what it might have to recommend itself.Then if we think it sounds like a good suggestion we could take up the suggestion and seewhere it leads - for a start, what on earth is meant by it?

Does it help in the slightest in terms of understanding my experience and alleviatingsuffering?

This you have to judge for yourself.

Student: By that I mean that if we are told that there is something really special about ourdirect experience we will feel it to be so.

Lama Shenpen: Not necessarily - and even if we feel it, if it’s not from a genuineunderstanding then that feeling of special ness can fade and lead nowhere.

Student: And the more faith we have in it the more real it becomes.

Lama Shenpen: That is true - but by faith here I would mean faith arising from experiencenot from being told that ones experience is special.

Student: And, when we read something inspirational - or even more so listen and be inthe presence of a revered teacher - it creates a sense of interest, wonder and evenexcitement, and ones confidence in the “special ness” of our experience is heightened.Can we call this Adhistana?

Lama Shenpen: Adhistana is there in the presence of those who have this understandingand it’s in our own experience when we find that same understanding in ourselves - soyes, something does happen in such a living situation.

Student: You said at previously that if you don’t believe in something how is it going tohave an effect on you.

Lama Shenpen: I meant that if you actually disbelieve in something it is hard for it to affectyou - to simply be open, jury out but working on it, that is best - that is how to movetowards a genuine understanding.

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Student: I personally have got a lot out of Buddhism through simply considering beingopen and aware as important.

Lama Shenpen: I think a lot of people do - which is a good thing really.

Partly it’s good because if people get a lot out of it that is good in itself, and partly it is goodbecause by getting something out of it and hanging around, deeper levels of meaning canreveal themselves so that people’s views change over time.

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How to prepare for

a meditation session

How to prepare for a meditation session, suggestions for recitations, where to find moreinformation

Student: I have a question about 'setting-up' for meditation. I know that in some otherpractices meditation begins with a short set-up practice, for example a body awarenessscan - focusing on various parts of the body etc.

Some practices also start off with connecting with emotional states, feelings, as well asintentions, confidence etc. Are any of these appropriate for the formless practice? If not,how should one 'enter' (and perhaps also 'end') a meditation session.

Lama Shenpen: You can begin your session by reciting the Praise to the Three Jewels,the Refuge and Bodhisattva vow and end with the dedication of punya (merit). You can getthe details about all this from the Booklet called ‘The Basic Liturgy’ advertised in theNewsletter and there are explanations in the booklet called 'In Praise of the Three Jewels'.The booklet 'Mandala of Sacred Space’ tells you how to set up a shrine if you want to dosomething like that.

Otherwise, you just follow the instructions in ‘Openness, Clarity and Sensitivity’ aboutsitting like a Buddha, thinking that you are sitting as the Buddha sat on the eve of hisEnlightenment. This is a kind of body awareness, as is letting go with the out-breath.

You need to spend a moment or two really linking into the solid ground below you, yourbody and its posture as you sit there and the feeling of uplift and dignity that goes with thatand the sense of generosity, spaciousness and letting go that goes with the out-breath. It’sgood to touch in on that every time you sit to meditate.

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How to develop

compassion for oneself

How to develop compassion for oneself; allowing oneself pleasure.

Student: I am relatively new to Buddhism and I am now doing some studies oncompassion. I read that we should have compassion not only towards others but alsotowards ourselves. It is strange, but I find it easy to develop compassion towards othersbut not towards myself. I suffered from depression and self hatred. I always feel morecomfortable with pain than with pleasure. When I have pleasure I begin to feel insecureand uncomfortable.

How can I develop compassion towards myself?

Lama Shenpen: I often get asked about compassion towards oneself. A lot of people feelmore comfortable when they are suffering than when they are enjoying themselves. It iscurious isn’t it? Sometimes Tibetans are amazed to find that we Westerners feel guiltyabout pleasure, as if pleasure itself is sinful or indulgent and that somehow we will have to'pay for it.' Sometimes people even call their pleasures their 'samsara' and that they don’twant to give up samsara because they don’t want to give up pleasure. All this is veryconfused thinking and needs to be sorted out right at the beginning of the path. Otherwisethere will be a tendency to look on meditation and Dharma practice as some kind of self-punishment and that won’t lead to liberation, peace and happiness at all!!!

I recognise this kind of attitude in my own upbringing. My mother used to often remark thatthere was no virtue in my being a Buddhist nun and doing lots of solitary retreat because Ienjoyed it. To her this meant that I was simply doing what I wanted and this seemed to herto be self-evidently bad. Strangely, she did not apply the same criterion to my brotherswho, as far as I know, did what they wanted. I am not sure if the reason for this was that Iwas a girl and somehow this is how women have been conditioned to think women shouldbe. It was probably a mixture of that and a sense of having her values of the importance ofhome and family so blatantly rejected by me.

Anyway, whatever the reason, this kind of attitude is very prevalent in our society. I wonderif it is as prevalent in the younger generation as it is in my own. I expect it varies accordingto the particular sub-culture one was raised in.

Having said all that, one is left wondering what one can do about it if one finds that one isconditioned that way.

First of all, it is important to notice the voice, that ego character that is constantly judgingand saying, 'not good enough,' 'should do better,' 'should do more,' 'you are being selfish,''you are going to be punished,' 'if you relax and enjoy yourself, everything is going to gowrong' and so on and so on. You need to really notice that all these are thoughts and that

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these thoughts have a definite feeling tone. There is a kind of anxiety associated withthem, just as you have described, so that when you try to ignore the thought, the feelingstays there making you feel uncomfortable and insecure.

It is very important to turn towards that feeling of insecurity and discomfort and not letyourself be driven by it. It will probably have to get worse before it gets better. What I meanby this is that, usually, when we feel discomfort and insecurity we tend to try to dosomething to get rid of it. So we do something that makes us feel we are 'being good'however bizarre a form this might take.

One form this could take is that we make quite unrealistic demands on ourselves or blameourselves excessively for anything that has gone wrong. It kind of makes us feel better in away. But not really, not in the long run. If we don’t let the voice and feeling drive us, we justhave to stay with it and that could be very uncomfortable. But it is important not to bedriven by it. We just have to keep turning towards that feeling of uncertainty and learn tolive with it.

Awareness of bodily sensations helps a lot with this. By noticing your bodily sensations,you cut through the drivenness associated with voices and feelings constantly impellingyou onwards along old established routeways and patterns.

In particular it helps to become aware of your 'heart.' By heart I mean physically whereyour awareness or attention focuses when you use heart language. All your good qualitiesare in your heart. So just to let your awareness rest there and feel in touch with your heart;that by itself naturally strengthens the heart response, and that is what is needed really.This doesn’t mean any particular response. You are not trying to feel more compassion orlove particularly.

This will probably happen at some point as a spin off. What you need to do at first though,is simply be in touch. Just give space and time for a heart response to well up and youmay be quite surprised by the form it takes. But don’t mind what form it takes. Just keepreturning to that heart area, almost physically, maybe for five whole minutes at a time andjust let it respond naturally. I think this might have a very strong effect.

When you do this you may simply find yourself thinking: 'I don’t feel anything there.' Itdoesn’t matter. Just do it anyway. Just be quietly interested, do it several times a day andsee how you get on with that.

After a while you can begin to gently ask yourself what you really want, in your heart ofhearts. You don’t have to articulate any particular answer, but if an answer comes up, justask yourself why you really want that, and open out even more fully to that heart feelingthat is behind the answer. It’s where the answer is or is not coming from that is importanthere. Somehow you know how to ask and where to look for the response and that is theimportant thing, simply to be in touch with that and not let yourself be so driven by theconditioned thoughts and feelings that seem to have taken you over.

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Enjoying life

while remembering death

Thinking about death is not about denying the beauty of life. It is about enjoying life to thefull because we are not deluded any more, and we really understand what life is.

Student: Do we need to constantly remind ourselves of our death or is it sufficient just tobe aware that we will die? There is such beauty in the world around us. I know that it istemporary but I still enjoy it so much. Is it alright to enjoy worldly things, knowing that theyare impermanent?

Lama Shenpen: Bearing death in mind is not a matter of turning away from the beauty oflife. It is about enjoying life to the full because you are not deluding yourself any more. Youcome to really know what life actually is. The reason you think that mindfulness of death issomehow about not allowing yourself to enjoy life is because you have objectified deathinto some future event that threatens life. Actually death happens at every moment makingevery moment completely new. Enjoy that and there is no more fear of birth and death…that is the kind of awareness we are talking about. It doesn’t mean that you belittle everyexperience as somehow meaningless in the face of death. It means that you becomeaware of the connections that go beyond birth and death - what they really are. That is amassive shift in perspective, an unimaginable shift in perspective, but you have to startsomewhere and mindfulness of death is where to start. As you continue to deepen yoursense of significance around the fact of death you start to realize that what you are reallybecoming aware of is the nature and significance of life itself, all life.

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Formless Meditation

A discussion of Dzogchen, formless meditation, and related terms.

Student: Is formless meditation another term for Dzogchen? If this is so, would we still callour practice formless meditation even though we were not living the natural state?

Lama Shenpen: You are putting your finger on a very real problem here, so it is animportant question. When Rigdzin Shikpo was teaching us to meditate according toTrungpa Rinpoche's instructions, the terms that Rinpoche used were formless meditationor shamata. Neither of these terms is very satisfactory, so for a long time we called it sittingmeditation, but that was not very satisfactory either. The problem is that shamata appliesto all sorts of ways of calming and focusing the mind and any meditation might bepractised sitting down. So what term refers to the specific practice that we do?

Well, the meditation itself is almost formless. It is not completely formless, since we stillhave the out-breath to focus on. The meditation is not merely shamata either, since it iscombined with more and more insight (vipasyana) as our understanding deepens.

Dzogchen is actually a name for the Awakened state. We cannot say that our practice onthe way to realising that state is 'Dzogchen' itself. However, one could perhaps call itmeditation that is opening out into Dzogchen and so you could argue that it is all right tocall it 'Dzogchen meditation' in that sense. It still sounds a bit odd to my unaccustomedears ... because it sounds as if one thinks one has realized Dzogchen.

So I suppose I would say the instruction for the basic 'formless meditation' that we teach isinstruction on how to recognise the nature of the chitta within the practice lineage of theDzogchen tradition.

The first instruction and the final instruction on the path are identical - the completerelaxation of letting go into the spaciousness of experience. The difference is that for thebeginner the instruction it is very rough and ready, very hit or miss. The student has tolearn how to apply the instruction through continually bringing the heart and mind back inline with it, through reflection and through the play, beauty and skill of learning how tointegrate insights and experiences into the fabric of one's being.

As a final instruction it is simplicity itself, the complete opposite of ego and the egomandala; completely opposed to it with no concessions whatsoever. When the instructionsays there is nothing to do, it really means it, and finally one sees clearly enough what theinstruction means, to be able to apply it completely and perfectly, the Great Perfection, thePerfection of doing absolutely nothing. 'Doing' here includes even the most subtle forms offixation or grasping. We cannot give up 'doing' in this sense until we have familiarisedourselves with those subtle forms of fixation and grasping and that is only possible throughshamata and vipasyana.

The meditation itself that you are starting to practice could therefore be called a form ofshamata-vipasyana using a minimum of form combined with instruction on how to

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recognise the nature of the chitta within the practice lineage of the Dzogchen tradition.

Since Dzogchen itself is the Awakened state in which our Awakened state and that of allAwakened beings is inseparable, it can only be realised by opening out to the power of theAwakened state of others. The way to more or less literally 'tap into' that power is to find agood tap. You can think of those who link you in, through a living connection, to the lineageof those Awakened in that way as 'Gurus' or 'Lamas'. So you have to find at least one tapand then do whatever is necessary to turn it on, get it working and then to place yourself inthe right relationship to it so that the water can flow into you in a way that truly benefitsyou. There is so much that is up to you. You have to learn bit by bit how to relate to theinstruction and how to value those people who can be the tap for you, the sources of thepower to Awaken.

The instruction we give you when you first start is like an instruction on how to go aboutlearning to relate to the tap and how to place yourself ready to start receiving the power. Itcould be that you ‘twig’ straightaway with no difficulty whatsoever. Then you could linkimmediately into the Awakened state, your teacher would have become your root guru,your practice would have become Dzogchen and you would have received the completetransmission, the Abhiseka.

That is so rare in the history of the tradition, that we do not have to wonder if that is ourcase or not. Even the most advanced and gifted practitioners seem to need to hear theinstructions a good few times and practice a lot before they 'twig' and even to continuepractising a lot after they 'twig' in order to stabilise the realisation. Most of us need to hearthem repeated for the whole of our lives and gradually by reflection and meditation, trialand error, our understanding deepens by stages, each more wonderful than the stagebefore. A path good at the beginning, the middle and the end.

So the answer to the question is that it is not very accurate to call the form of meditationthat you are being instructed in 'formless meditation' and if it is anything it is 'Dzog Rim':the stage in the meditative process that is associated with the dissolution of form.

At a personal interview with Trungpa Rinpoche at his residence, the Kalapa Court inBoulder Colorado, he told me to practice Dzog Rim and get good experience with thatbefore moving on to the 'development phase' (Kye Rim) as it is called. In other words, theformless meditation that he got all his students to practice is a kind of Dzog Rim.

Usually the term Dzog Rim is applied to the practices that follow Kye Rim, so it wouldsound a bit odd to adopt the term for the initial practice instructions. Again it might sound abit presumptuous to call our first excursions into meditation 'Dzog Rim' as if we thought wewere practising at an advanced level of practice, when what we really mean is that we areopening ourselves to that advanced level of practice by learning to be more simple anddirect about our experience, more present with it, more accurate and less manipulative.You could say open, clear and sensitive.

I think my Tibetan colleagues would simply call what we do Nyamshak: just resting in asettled meditative state. That would not sound pretentious I think, although in English itwould just translate as something like sitting in meditation.

Rigdzin Shikpo and I have from time to time talked about a better name for the meditationwe teach. So far we have not come up with anything we find better than simply 'formlessmeditation'.

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How to use

Formless Meditation instructions

How to use Formless Meditation instructions to help one meditate in a clear, relaxed way.

Student: I have started the Formless Meditation. At first, I found the basic instruction alittle much to remember. Although now, I am generally remembering all the instructions, Ihave broken them down into a few that I make sure to include.

I feel that this way in time I will remember all the instructions. I would appreciate anysuggestions from you.

Lama Shenpen: It is important to pick up the instructions with a light touch. It is notnecessary to try to remember them all but, as you say, find a few that really help you settleinto the meditation in a clear and relaxed way.

Then sometimes just look over the instructions to see if there is something there thatwould help you focus more clearly or relax you more effectively. The instructions are notreally as precise as perhaps they seem at first. They are more like hints rather thaninstructions.

They are all important in a way but actually they start to come together in a natural processand if you try too hard to get it all right – it’s like focusing too much on any natural functionsuch as walking or speaking - if you think about it too much and try too hard to get it right -you lose the touch somehow.

So you have to be prepared to experiment and explore and trust your own inner sense ofrightness.

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The Practice of Meditation

and Daily Life Awareness

The training consists of study, reflection and meditation. Meditation here means sitting stillfor set periods of time to familiarise ourselves with the nature and workings of ourinnermost being. There are techniques for helping ourselves to focus on our directexperience.

We deliberately keep the focus simple, teaching a method called Formless Meditation. Donot be deceived by the simplicity however. The practice gradually reveals itself to be subtleand profound.

We learn to make friends with ourselves and all our experience, good and bad, becausethe essence of both is the same natural and profound openness, clarity and sensitivity ofour being.

For a long time the practice of meditation may feel like a struggle but it is a struggle to letgo of complications and arrive at simplicity. The ease of that simplicity is elusive and takesa long time to develop and stabilise. That is why such a wealth of further techniques havedeveloped within the Buddhist tradition.

However complex other practices may be, in essence they are always meant to developand stabilise the simple awareness of Formless meditation. The path begins and ends bydissolving into the space of Formless meditation.

Daily life awareness practice emerges out of the Formless meditation practice, carryingthat simplicity of approach into all our activities and our whole attitude to life. Thedifference is that in the formal sitting periods we can give ourselves the space and time weneed to deepen our practice, away from the distractions of our everyday life.

The sense of openness and space, clarity and awareness, sensitivity and responsivenessthat you connect with in the meditation starts to flow out into your life and yourenvironment for the benefit of all.

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The Mandala Structure

The mandala structure; its relationship to impermanence and change; awareness, thecenter of all mandalas.

Student: I have just come to the end of Coursebook 4 (Discovering the Heart of BuddhismCourse) … the sections on Mandala Principle. Mandalas seem to give a basis for seeingthe world as a constant state of flux, but provide a means of understanding and seeing astructure to that flux. The world becomes a much more exciting place if looked on as notsolid, but a continual creative process of the arising, interacting, dissipating and endingmandala structures of all kinds – institutions, beings, thoughts, machines, etc.

Looking at the way mandalas are conditioned by the central principle focuses back on theintentions, conscious or unconscious, which inspire our actions. How it is these intentionsfrom which whole mandalas arise. This had me going back to read the parts in Book 2 onthe Heart Wish and reinforced the importance of acting from the right motivation, andbeing clear about that motivation. The idea of our personal mandala being linked toeverything shows me how important our intentions are.

This takes me to seeing just how much we have a choice about our “selves.” Sometimeswe can appear not to have a choice… As I worked through the section, I began to see thestrength of being able, as you say, to “respect the strength of our mandala connections,” torecognise what we are and then to work from there, by tackling the way our habitual statescreate negative patterns.

We do have the power to let go of this negativity, to let the “waves” which augment thenegative states of mind subside. … it is not just letting go, the conceptual world may beillusory, but it can be used positively. We can use our power to create worlds, to createpositive mandalas which can empower our practice.

Lama Shenpen: You are right. All this is very important.

One point I noticed was that you were assuming that the mandala structure was to do withimpermanence and change. Actually, it is rather the opposite. Although of course from ourperspective it seems it has to be about impermanence and change. That is how weinterpret our experience all the time.

The point I am making here is a very subtle one. It is difficult to find the language in whichto talk about such things. It’s fine for now to think of it as somehow giving a structure anddynamic to the world of change and illusion that we are experiencing.

However, it is really about how, ultimately, the mandala of our being is more than just achanging illusion. It is awareness itself that is structured and within which there areconnections, even though, in a sense, there is nothing there (sounds like Mathematicalentities, doesn’t it?).

So you are right to think that actually awareness is the centre of all mandalas. There is

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nothing outside of awareness. All mandalas are structured by awareness, even created byawareness, accessed by awareness, are the structure of awareness, and awareness isempty, so no structure obstructs another. Your mandala is infinite and all pervading and sois mine and everyone else's. This makes all sorts of things possible that would otherwisebe impossible!

What I am saying is very profound and not something we can immediately understand. Itcan never be grasped conceptually. Nevertheless maybe these words give a hint and adirection.

I felt it was necessary to say this much to prevent the danger of your thinking thatmandalas are only about what is impermanent and illusory, thus making beings ultimatelyimpermanent and illusory, which would be to make them ultimately of no value.

However, beings are not ultimately impermanent and illusory; they are ultimately mandalasreplete with all the powers and qualities of fully awakened Buddhas. Here we are talking ofglory, splendour, deathlessness, and the power and skill of endless compassion andlove ... a timeless display, all-pervading presence ... words fail.

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Defining the terms

"Generation" and "Completion"

Defining the terms "Generation" and "Completion" phases and relating them to ourformless meditation and daily life awareness practice.

Student: Could you explain a little more about the terms 'generation' and 'completion'? Ihave heard of these and would love to know what they are all about!

Lama Shenpen: These terms come up in Tantric practice when one is generating andthen completing the Awakened mandala, or world one lives in by dissolving what isconstructed by concepts, and then resting in what is real.

We construct our world the whole time - it is the power of Maya, by means of which we caninterpret all our sense impressions as our world with ourselves and other beings in it. If wecould realise that this is our projection we could let it dissolve in space, which is what wedo in the formless practice. Then we could notice that it appears like rainbows and echoesin space- it is based on some reality but essentially it is a story and an interpretation. Wecan live in that world without getting lost in it and taking it to be graspable and real in adeluded way.

The Tantras provide us with skillful means of linking into other worlds- Awakened worlds,once we have let go of our attachment to this world. If you try to link into other worldswithout realising the empty, magical nature of their appearance, the danger is that you willjust get lost in your imagination or even lost in worlds that don't lead to awakening at all.

So we begin with dissolution in our formless practice and we work with maya in our dailylife awareness practice. Then we can recognise the empty magical nature of our world. Wetake Refuge and make aspiration prayers (pranidhanas) to follow the path to Awakening, tobe born in Pure Realms, to meet the Buddhas or the lineage Gurus and in that way westart to enter into the world of Awakening right here and now.

As we practise we start to recognise that everything in our experience, everything inourselves and in our world has something real about it as well as something false. So ourworld is a kind of generation process in the sense that it is a world generated by ourdeluded mind based on something real. Our practice is to recognise and let go of what isfalse and deluded so that it dissolves - the dissolution process.Then reality beyondconcepts and beyond the grasping mind will manifest without delusion. Hurrah! That is thecompletion process.

Actually generation and completion (or dissolution) are technical terms for quite elaboratetantric practices and so we don't need to use them. However, what I have told you here isthe essence of all those practices.

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Reflecting on Heart Phrases

How reflecting on heart phrases relates to the space of awareness.

Student: Exercise 4, Section A, Coursebook 1, (‘Discovering the Heart of Buddhism’) asksyou to reflect on the heart language, before or after meditation sessions. It tells you not tothink about the phrases too much. I'm a bit confused about what I should be doing. ShouldI be reflecting on these themes during the actual meditation, or still just working with thespace of awareness?

Lama Shenpen: The idea is that by reflecting on the heart phrases and letting them comealive for you, your heart will naturally become involved in the formless meditation whereyou let go into the space of awareness.

Somehow the space of awareness is full of heart or at least there is some kind of heartresponse to the space of awareness. There is no need to make a special practice out of it.Nevertheless, you may find that having thought a bit about the heart and linked into thatplace in your being that responds to heart talk, that this will trigger more awareness andmaybe thoughts about the heart as you meditate.

Although I am not suggesting you deliberately cultivate this awareness during themeditation, if somehow it comes up and somehow seems to help you let go into the spaceof awareness more, let that happen. Don’t feel you have to stop it because it’s not in theinstructions. Let it come up and let it be, without trying to grasp at anything or prolong anyparticular experience.

The chances are that it will only be a momentary experience anyway and there is no needto start thinking a lot about it. Just notice thinking and relax into the space of awareness,which includes the heart's awareness actually, the heart's awareness is not somethingseparate. That is something we gradually discover for ourselves.

The student writes:

"I'm a little unsure about how to integrate these themes into the meditation and daily life. Iget the impression that this sort of reflection will be quite key to the course, so I want tounderstand what is being suggested."

Shenpen replies:

In terms of daily life, it doesn’t matter how often you find yourself linking into the heart'sawareness. You can use all sorts of incidents as triggers of awareness reminding you toreflect on what 'heart' means to you and how you experience it, somehow linking into thatawareness in whatever way you find works for you. You have to experiment with it a bit.But first of all, the main problem is to even remember to wake up at all! Sometimes we areso involved in what we are doing that it is a miracle that we remember to be open andreflect on any of the exercises at all. Over time that gets better. That is a result of themeditation and also our increasing interest and motivation as time goes on.

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There is No-Self

It’s important not to try to prove or believe there is no self but instead examine one’sexperience to discover what you do find. There are two aspects to experience and we canlook at that and see what that is all about.

Student: As you say in Course Book 3 (of the ‘Discovering the Heart of Buddhism’Course) the most difficult of the Three Marks of Conditioned Existence to accept andunderstand is not-self, that there is no 'I.'

I can see that there are problems differentiating the experience from the experiencer andin determining the nature of 'I' but because of our apparent ability for abstract thought weare aware that we are aware; therefore 'something' is aware of something / someone else.I can see how we can blink in and out of existence from the 'space,' but somethingappears to exist and appears to experience, even if we label it incorrectly.

Lama Shenpen: You are right. It is important not to think that you need to prove or believethere is no self. Here the phrase not-self, no self or non-self can be a bit distractingbecause it suggests what you should believe or find rather than encouraging you toexamine your experience freely, just to discover what you do find. I am glad you are notbeing put off in your explorations by the sense that you should be finding something. Justkeep exploring and asking. It is the only way to discover what is truly the case.

You are right that there is some kind of appearance of existence and an experiencing ofthat. There is also the process of labeling which could in fact be misleading. As you say,there are always those two aspects to an experience, the experience itself and theexperiencer of it. So, you need to home in on that and try to discover what exactly that isall about.

Normally we think of the one experiencing as being the 'me' who suffers and we have verystrong emotional attachments to what we think that 'me' is. Try for example imaginingyourself in danger or falsely accused of some crime. A very strong feeling of 'me' comes updoesn’t it? That is not as subtle as the momentary experiencer of an experience.

The feeling of ‘me’ is quite an elaborate phenomenon. It relates to our attachment to ourbody, personality, self-image, hopes and fears about the future, about who we are and whowe want to be and so on. All the suffering from desire, attachment, anger and hatred,confusion and not knowing are associated with this 'me' and so it is this 'me' that we areseeking to explore.

When we analyse our experience, looking for what it is at the heart of all this suffering, thatis when it starts to become evident that it is not as we thought it was, because, for a start,nothing that seemed to constitute it endures for more than a moment. If something doesnot endure, it hardly qualifies as 'me' does it?

So the way to practice is to notice when you grasp onto things with attachment, aversion

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and confusion and notice that the experience of attachment or aversion or confusion wasmomentary and it is very hard to work out what it was that was 'me' that had thoseexperiences.

Even so, the idea persists that there is an on-going 'me' to whom all this is happening. Asthoughts come up in our meditation, there is always the sense that these thoughts happento 'me.' One can get carried away with the emotionality of the story lines that come up orone can just notice they are thoughts and drop that story line and then there is a momentof peace.

You may wonder what that experience of openness and peace is as you let go of thethoughts. You may wonder what the thoughts that formed the story line itself were. Bothare worthy of attention.

As you investigate in this way you will start to notice that the original idea of 'me,' the big 'Iam' that storms around causing trouble everywhere is not as clear cut and obvious as itwas originally. A lot of intelligent doubt has arisen as to the nature of the experience of'me.'

That helps the meditation open up tremendously. It helps with daily life awareness. It helpsus to notice those big 'I am' thoughts and let them go without slavishly following them as ifthey were truth or important even.

That is what the meditation on not-self helps to achieve. It does not however yield theanswer to subtler questions such as what is this sense of an experiencer and somethingexperienced that arises moment by moment. We have to go deeper in order to discoverwhat that is all about.

However, if we have practiced noticing not-self for a long time so that our mind is not sostirred up with distracting self-centred emotions, it’s possible to go deeper and discover adeeper reality than simply the not-selfness of our grosser delusions.

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An Equivalent for Chitta

A look at the meaning of words, finding an English equivalent for Chitta, the importance ofseeing how the words heart and mind resonate within us.

Student: In response to suggestions about using foreign words – I can connect muchbetter with simply Heartmind as one word. If I say or think Chitta, I need to ‘think’ about it.

Whereas just simply Heartmind makes sense to me. It’s One thing, not split, workingtogether.

Lama Shenpen: I know what you mean about using a foreign word like chitta. It has notgained any resonance in English yet, has it? I think Nirvana and karma have a resonancein English now and they are actually in the English dictionary as English words - similarlythe word Buddha.

I think the phrase Buddha Nature will become part of the English language - a phrase thateveryone will know and that will resonate for everyone. I think the word mandala will too - ifit hasn’t already.

Like you, I am not sure the word chitta will ever take off like that though, because we haveour own words for heart and mind that resonate too strongly and I don’t think any new termis ever going to usurp them. It is important to notice the effect words have and how theyresonate – it’s the resonance of words that does the work here really. You cannot point tothe Chitta or define it - you have to intuit it - so the words that point to it have to come fromit somehow. If that makes sense?

When we say 'heart' - something resonates and we can sort of trace that resonance backto its source which is that depth within the essence of our being that contains all that ismost meaningful - the word comes from there, so when we follow it back we sort ofdissolve into that meaning somehow.

Again from that place maybe other similar words emerge or emanate. This is what I amdrawing your attention to and telling you to play with, work with - link into, align with,honour or whatever other words you can find for how to relate to it properly!

The word 'mind' has a totally different resonance for most people (though not necessarilyand especially not for non-native English speakers). Although mind can be usedsynonymously with heart it seldom is. We can for example say 'I am keeping you in mymind and praying for you' that could mean the same as 'I am keeping you in my heart andpraying for you'.

However, there is still a slightly fuller resonance to the second expression. The first couldbe said meaning 'I am remembering you', but the second is clearly meaning somethingmuch more immediate, intimate and perhaps mysterious. Actually the more I think about itthe more resonances emerge from the second expression - things like warmth,commitment, depth, connection and so on.

I don’t think the word 'chitta' is ever going to resonate quite like that for us. Heartmind asone word as you suggest might have a future. To me it resonates with a sense of not just

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my ordinary mind, but my deepest most essential mind or being - that lies deeper than justthe mind somehow. Maybe it resonates with a sense of the intelligence of the heartsomehow.

I think it’s a term that is easy to infuse with the sense of space that we want, even though itmight not immediately suggest that any more that the word mind immediately suggestsspace. But given the right context it moves easily into a sense of space - like in the phrase'cosmic mind'. How does 'cosmic heartmind’ sound? I am not sure - maybe that has a verypowerful resonance - what do you think?

I guess we are talking about our being really, aren’t we? I wonder sometimes if we shouldmake the word 'being' our central term - so that we talk about Awakening as theAwakening to the true nature of our being. I am not sure that has all the resonances ofAwakening the true nature of the Heartmind. Resting in Awakened being - that sounds ok,but doesn’t resonate quite the same as resting in the Awakened Heart does it?

Many books on Buddhism talk in terms of discovering the nature of mind (for exampleRigdzin Shikpo uses this in 'Openness Clarity Sensitivity') - and that resonates quitedifferently to talking about discovering the nature of the Heartmind, doesn’t it? AndHeartmind resonates a bit differently from discovering the nature of the Heart, doesn’t it?

I wonder what anyone else finds? German students tell me that there is no word like 'mind'in German. 'Mind' in English has more or less the same range of meanings that 'chitta' hasin Sanskrit so can be a natural translation in every context, even though it does tend to cutout the heart resonances.

It has the same spatial resonance and the same ordinariness, in the sense that evenchildren talk of thoughts popping into their minds or going places in their minds. ApparentlyGerman has no word like that and so one student says she is using 'Heartspace' tocapture the sense of Chitta. That works quite well in English too, I think. Maybe it’s evenbetter than 'Heartmind' in some contexts.

The point of this exploration is that all the time we are considering these differentresonances and connotations of the words, we are exploring our own direct experienceand discovering something about our inner sense of meaning - so it’s important to reallynotice what we find ourselves touching on in our experience and really letting ourselvesrelax into that - really appreciate what we are talking about and experiencing.

This is what we need to home in on more and more and pay it due honour. It is what weneed to explore and discover more and more about as time goes on.

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How we resist looking at

the nature of our mind

How we resist looking at the nature of our mind and prefer to stay in our familiar cosy world.How it is important to turn towards it now - it is the route to freedom, relaxation andfearlessness.

Student: I have recently finished the section on confidence in Course Book 2 ofDiscovering the Heart of Buddhism.

It has seemed very true and intuitively right to me. However, I seem to find quite a fewproblems in this area.

You write in the course book that 'confidence is the absence of fear.' Faced with a periodof silence on retreat I can become a bit depressed, a little scared of the silence, as if Ihave no reference points.

There's a sense of falling, of not being grounded at all. In this instance the only advantagewas in seeing the world rather in the illusory, dreamlike way described in Buddhist texts.

I certainly didn't feel I was taking reality for granted. I was aware of impermanence andchange, and of the fragility of life.

My reaction in these situations is always to want to run away, find people to talk to or abook to read.

Lama Shenpen: That is a typical reaction, it is what we are all doing all the time - lookingfor distraction.

Student: I have managed to keep sitting, although at first I didn't want to.

There is some resistance there to looking at nature of mind type questions, however, anda lot of the time I struggle to get concentrated enough.

Lama Shenpen: There is a good reason for us resisting looking at the nature of the mindand the questions that throw it into relief.

To recognise that nature carries with it a demand - we know in our guts that a responseand a commitment are needed and yet the mandala of our cosy world that is so familiar tous tells us 'Don’t go there!'

That creates a tension and we avoid that tension by not going there - we look fordistraction - and then suddenly it’s too late.

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We are dying and we are still trapped in samsara. That is when we realise that we actuallyhad no real choice - the cosy world that was so familiar was an illusion and now we are outin the cold where we didn’t want to go voluntarily.

Oh how we shall regret it at that time because it would have been so much easier toactually turn towards it now.

It is the route to freedom - to liberation, to relaxation and fearlessness - take it - take itnow!

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Heart Wish and Experience

Homing in on the Heart Wish.

Student: I have recently started Trusting the Heart of Buddhism and really enjoy the course! I have some practical questions concerning Trusting the Heart of Buddhism (and Discovering the Heart of Buddhism).

When trying to home in on the Heart Wish, what would be a good way of doing it? Is it by asking myself the question: 'What do I really want in life/in my heart of hearts?' and then just trying to see what happens in my heart/mind/experience without trying to put it into words or action?

Lama Shenpen: Yes that is a very good way of doing it.

Student: This seems to go right back to the beginning of Discovering the Heart of Buddhism and probably there are lots of hints there but I would nevertheless value your opinion because it is so hard to do in practice.

Lama Shenpen: It is important to go right back to the beginning since the whole of the path is right there in the beginning.

It is hard to really get to the point because there is always something else going on that is putting us off - distractions or some kind of block or some kind of thinking process that makes us do anything but rest in the heart.

We can a bit - but it’s almost as if we can only just touch in on it and then it immediately starts to become artificial or indulgent in some way rather than simply opening out into complete and perfect Enlightenment.

Funny that, when Enlightenment is supposed to be so natural!

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Trusting the Heart of Buddhism

focusing on mandalas

Lama Shenpen and a student discuss Trusting the Heart of Buddhism, focusing inparticular on mandalas16.

Student: I have just completed the first 'Trusting the Heart of Buddhism' and felt I should get in touch, especially as I didn't contact you after completing the final 'Discovering the Heart of Buddhism' course book.

I found the discussion of 'mandala* principle' absorbing but a little abstract initially and washoping that the 'Trusting the Heart of Buddhism' course book would provide supplementarydetail that might spark a greater sense of recognition.

I think that probably did happen but whereas I can readily see how mandala principle is a convincing way of describing the ego's 'sub-personalities', as you call them, and the wider social nexus, I still don't have an intuitive grasp of how it might work with ,say, sensory data.

Can people really get an experiential glimpse of that happening?

Lama Shenpen: Yes - definitely. Mandala is a way of describing our experience and helps us notice the whole pattern and so experience it more fully.

It is important to give this time as mandala principle is something that does sink in over time - as and when you spontaneously find it useful - as a way of recognising what is happening in your experience.

You start to find it is a very natural and integrating way of thinking about what is happeninganyway whether you think about it or not.

Student: I'd also like to say that I have found 'Trusting the Heart of Buddhism' an inspiring book. I don't know why it should be but it seems to have crystallised a lot of ideas for me - not only in terms of the preceding course books but in terms of my other (limited) reading of Dharma texts.

I can't think of a better way of expressing it than to say that notions I half-consciously regarded as 'alien' now seem to potentially have a personal relevance. That's a big thing for me as I have always had a tendency to think that something sounds marvelous but is

16 Mandala - literally ‘centre and periphery’ in Tibetan; any structure with a centre and periphery. Anythingthat appears in our awareness takes the form of a mandala consisting of a central focus and whatsurrounds it. Mandalas have a structure and dynamic in the sense that they are held together byconnections between centre and periphery, with emotionality at the boundaries and where one mandalatouches on another. In most contexts one can substitute ‘world’ for mandala , as used in the metaphoricalsense. For example, we talk of the world of our experience, our social world, our psychological world, ourwhole world collapsing.

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obviously only applicable to people more capable than myself.

Thank you very much for that.

Lama Shenpen: You have no idea how delighted I am to read this!

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Resting in the Awakened Heart

Letting Go and Letting Be in Trust

A discussion of resting in the awakened heart, letting go and letting be in trust.

Student: I have just completed the first 'Trusting the Heart of Buddhism' and felt I shouldget in touch.

I am trying to come to terms with the notion of resting in the awakened heart.

After all the priming of the preceding course books, I still don't really know if and when it'shappening?

Lama Shenpen: It is good to be wondering that.

I wonder if we ever really 'know' we are doing it really - because as soon as we 'know' wehave some object of knowledge that we are focusing on and so we have shifted away fromthe kind of knowing that is resting in the awakened heart.

So resting in the awakened heart is a way of talking about what we aiming to do or noticewe have done and maybe trust that we are doing or notice we are not doing - but we never'know' when we are doing it!

Student: The best I seem to be able to do is recognise, sometimes, when I'm graspingafter something.

That grasping motion feels to me as though it's all about wanting to control things, keepthem apparently ordered and manageable.

Which leads on to one of the big themes of 'Trusting the Heart of Buddhism' - letting go.

I'm not sure I know how to do that - again, the best I seem to manage is noticing when I'mnot letting go.

Lama Shenpen: Yes I think that is about it really - when we let be or let go, somethinghappens in the heart and we can trust that and be simple about it - and that is it really.

It is a natural movement of the heart that does itself when we let be or let go of grasping.

Student: I know I have always found the Christian notion of 'grace' extremely seductive.

I'd go so far as to say that even though I have never been a Christian, I have oftenrecognised a yearning for that sense of 'other power'.

I'm guessing that may indicate a distorted longing to get beyond my usual controlling mind.

Lama Shenpen: I wouldn’t call that a distorted longing - I would call it a deep intuitivelonging that is the heart wish itself - which is always there and never changes.

It is essential to our being.

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Student: It can certainly produce a powerful feeling of weariness at being so self-centredbut my instincts warn me that this is too heavy-handed a response and it feels more 'right'to feel amused at the posturings of ego - it's almost like not taking them too personally,absurd as that sounds?

Lama Shenpen: No it doesn’t sound absurd.

It sounds spot on.

Mara is always depicted as a figure of fun in Buddhism.

He is never presented as anything other than a posturing, perhaps rather clever butessentially stupid and ignorant fellow – it’s a good image for egocentricity.

Student: I take your point, and agree entirely, that we're not really in control anyway and'possession' is an everyday occurrence but in choosing to try and 'let go' there's a paradoxthat perplexes my thinking (grasping) mind - how can you wilfully 'let go'?

Is this where phrases like 'Pathless Path' originate?

That very illogicality suggests the effort isn't something you can fruitfully think about.

It must be an experiential thing that short-circuits logic?

If that's so, I suppose I'm working back to the subject of Trust.

But how does this Trust manifest as one is just sitting there?

Again, all I can come up with is noticing all the ways I'm not letting go.

Am I stuck in some endless loop here because I've missed something?

Lama Shenpen: I think you are right on track actually.

The way to think about letting go is to notice that one has not let go and link into the heartwish to let go - that brings about a certain relaxation of the grasping so that something elsecan bubble up in the gap.

It does that when you are not looking in the sense that you are not fixing on anything andthen suddenly there is a flash of a deeper understanding.

You want to quickly focus on it and do something to make it more stable but the very effortto do something means you have lost it.

So what can you do other than be patient and trust that it will happen again and as yourconfidence grows - as your conviction grows - so it does happen again and again and yourconfidence in its reality grows as that happens.

So it’s a feed-back loop, it works!

Student: But that doesn't represent the sum of my experiences.

For example, I can see that being aware of my body helps my sitting.

I have noticed that 'grasping' always seems to have a subtle physical manifestation; aslight muscular tension, as if some primitive flight/fight mechanism is stirring to accompanythe mental effort.

Lama Shenpen: Yes - well-observed.

Student: If I relax that tension then usually the grasping also disappears.

I've also noticed, and I don't really know how to express this, that at times it's utterlysatisfying to sit in front of my shrine and just enjoy being there.

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I'm not fretting about what I should be doing etc but just 'filling' that space.

The effort to relax and so on is definitely contrived and nothing remarkable is happeningbut is that sense of satisfaction a kind of foretaste of resting in the awakened heart?"

Lama Shenpen: Yes.

Student: Or just a bit of self-deception?

Lama Shenpen: Not necessarily - we do have moments of inspiration that just come to usand we can rest in that but usually we quickly drift off again into daydreaming or thoughtsof some kind - if you don’t, then what is the difference between sitting there utterly satisfiedand meditation itself?

I don’t see any.

Meditation is the discipline of remaining like that without drifting off or dulling out andideally its a natural process of not doing anything - but that is usually the most difficult thingin the world to maintain for any length of time!

Student: I'd also like to say that I have found 'Trusting the Heart of Buddhism' an inspiringbook.

I don't know why it should be but it seems to have crystallised a lot of ideas for me - notonly in terms of the preceding course books but in terms of my other (limited) reading ofDharma texts.

I can't think of a better way of expressing it than to say that notions I half-consciouslyregarded as 'alien' now seem to potentially have a personal relevance.

That's a big thing for me as I have always had a tendency to think that something soundsmarvellous but is obviously only applicable to people more capable than myself.

Thank you very much for that.

Lama Shenpen: You have no idea how delighted I am to read this!

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One needs to learn

the basic principles

One needs to learn the basic principles involved in following the path to Awakening throughcontact with a teacher and through studying the important points again and again until theybecome the basis and inspiration for one’s practice and progress on the path.

Student: Is there a balance to be achieved between practice and study? In fact is there aneed to study at all?

Lama Shenpen: Yes, there is right balance to be achieved between practice and study. Itis important to learn from a teacher and/or reading, what are the important points orprinciples involved in following the path to Awakening. Most people don’t have enoughpersonal contact to pick all this up from the teacher and so they need to combine personalcontact with home study. I have prepared the ‘Discovering the Heart of Buddhism’ coursewith the intention of bringing out the main points and principles necessary for a properapproach to the practice.

All those points and principles can be pursued to greater and greater depths, either bygoing through them all again and again following the course materials, or by moving on to‘Trusting the Heart of Buddhism’ (or by doing both). Also, the ‘Living the Awakened Heart’booklet gives further guidance on how to deepen one's understanding of those principles.There are various things that you might like to study in order to deepen and broaden yourunderstanding but ‘Discovering the Heart of Buddhism’ has the essential points.

So to achieve the right balance you need to take each point or principle and apply it inpractice in your meditation and daily life awareness practice. That takes time and so youmay find you study the same section over and over again before moving on. Alternativelyyou may find that you need to read on in order to get more deeply into the point you havejust been studying. Each section gives a deeper perspective on the previous sections, untilthe last section which leads you naturally back into the first section at a much deeper level.

So there is no hard and fast rule about how much study you need to do to balance themeditation and daily life awareness practice. It is a matter of your checking to make surethat your understanding is deepening day by day as you apply what you have studied toyour practice. If nothing is happening in the sense that you do not feel any inspiration orsense that the practice is going anywhere then that is the time to contact me to check outwhat is happening. I don’t mean that anything dramatic or even discernable in anyconcrete way needs to be going on, but there does need to be a general feeling that thepractice is making sense and leading where you want to go.

Student: I sometimes feel that I do not measure up to what I understand to be theBuddhist paradigm. I have all the fetters and negative aspects but very few of the

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desirable qualities. I feel I am not progressing. Is this unfair self-criticism?

Lama Shenpen: We all have fetters and negative aspects, which is why we need topractice. We wouldn’t need to practice otherwise. The important quality that you need is tofeel a real wish to follow the path to Awakening. You need to feel inspired by the wholeidea and want to commit yourself to following it. At first though, you may find thecommitment a bit difficult because you lack conviction. So you have to be able to keepgoing anyway until the conviction arises. That is when you can really commit yourself tothe path and the practice. So the progress to look for is increasing conviction andcommitment.

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Feeling the heart wish in meditation

Our heart wish is what returns us to the present moment in meditation, where we find theway out of suffering because we are directly in touch with reality, and not struggling anymore to fix things. Our heart yearns for this, but we have built up a habit of ignoring it andgetting lost in confusion.

Student: In our phone conversation a few weeks ago, you asked me what it is that bringsme back to the present when meditating. I’m sure there isn’t a precise answer to this butwhen I can catch it, it feels like a movement in the heart centre. I wonder if it is the HeartWish. I want to say the movement of my Heart Wish brings me back to the presentmoment. Am I on track with this?

Lama Shenpen: Thank you for your email. Yes you are right when you link what bringsyou back to the present to the Heart Wish. It is a completely intuitive movement, isn’t it?You find you can do it and you find it feels good and right and satisfies your heartsomehow. Your heart knows this is the right direction – it wants to stay there but at thesame time gets distracted away. It’s almost as if in our confusion we don’t know how tostay there – but as soon as we have slid off it, we feel ill at ease. We know there issomething wrong somehow and that is Dukkha, suffering.

The suffering is still the Heart Wish knowing it's lost its sense of direction and trying tomake up for that, trying to find a solution - struggling, making mistakes, grasping atstrategies that increase the discomfort and getting more and more confused.

Instead of this, it could get much more simple and direct; it could come back to what isactually happening in the present moment, as in meditation. This is the only direction thatis going to fulfil that vague but deep yearning. It is the direction that ultimately leads toAwakening as the final and complete satisfaction of the heart.

So yes – coming back into the moment is a movement of the Heart Wish. When we sayHeart Wish, this is what we are talking about. It is not any particular thing we are wishingfor, it is the faculty we have to wish and long for the cessation of suffering - in other words,a longing for happiness.

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When insight brings panic

When we catch a glimpse of reality, we feel a panic reaction, which is the fear that causesus to turn away from reality and creates the state of delusion known as samsara. We trainto overcome that fear by developing our confidence.

Student: The day after first trying meditating on infinite space I had an experience whilstpracticing formless meditation. A thought came up about a certain day and I realized howempty of inherent meaning the days of the week are; there is only this present momentlinked to all other moments. I drifted again and was thinking of Nadal’s defeat atWimbledon. I was thinking of his disappointment and realised that his disappointment indefeat was no different or closer in time than any other athlete’s defeat. I intuited a kind ofinterconnected web and quickly a rushing sense of vastness and a sudden panic that Iwas falling into it and then the panic snapped me out of it. Was this just my imagination oris this how insight might start to develop?

Lama Shenpen: It is exactly how insight starts to develop. The panic reaction is as deepas samsara itself. There would be no samsara if there were no panic. Sometimes we letthings get so close to the edge that the panic manifests as raw panic and we have to startworking with the reality of that - not running away or trying to avoid it.

It is the First Noble Truth of Dukkha.

However, often we close off well before we panic – we don’t even notice it is panic. We letourselves be distracted or start intellectualising things so that we don’t feel the raw panicthat we would feel if all our ego games were completely exposed and we had nowhere tohide or escape to, if all we had was reality and relating to it directly. It would be, as yousay, like falling through endless space – the bottom falling out of our world…

For this reason, it is essential to deepen the confidence aspect of our practice, which issometimes called faith. Going for refuge in and strengthening our connections to reality,which you could call the Awakened World, or the true nature of our being, becomeprogressively important.

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Connections which go from life to life

Buddhist teachings about connections, memories and karma going from life to life aredifficult to understand because they are outside time and space, while we ask all ourquestions from inside that framework. These teachings raise deep questions about whatwe mean by a person and a self.

Student: My question is about continuity - our continuity here and after death. What canthis be?

Lama Shenpen: The continuity in essence is in the openness, clarity and sensitivity of ourbeing - and that is not in time or in space. It is continuity because it doesn't change. This isa very deep point to ponder on.

How is there continuity between a person in one life and their rebirth in a future birth? Thatis a question about how we can appear to manifest in a world in time and space eventhough in essence we are not limited to time and space. This is a very deep question.

Some attempt is made to how to think about it in the Trusting the Heart of Buddhismcourse. Did you find that helped a bit?

Another Student: Since in Buddhist teaching connections are regarded as so important,and also as continuing from one life to the next, I am wondering how they are carried over.There are stories of advanced practitioners recognising people and places from formerlives, so do we perhaps have a subconscious memory which causes us to feel drawntowards particular Buddhas or teachers or teachings with whom we have establishedconnections?

But this raises the question of what passes from life to life. If it is only our Buddha nature,which is the same in everyone, then can it carry forward even subconscious memories,which are necessarily individual? Or does it have to be Karma, which somehow, as it were,registers our connections and causes us to meet up again with those we are connected to,apparently by chance?

The only other possible explanation I can see is that if all times are interconnected, insome sense connections are timeless, have always existed and always will. But then whyis it necessary to make them? And wouldn’t it exclude free will? This same question ariseswith reference to pranidhanas and vows. How do they have an effect on future lives? Infact how do we carry forward the progress we make on the path, so that eventually we canawaken?

Lama Shenpen: This is a more detailed version of the question before isn't it? You are

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getting on the right track when you talk about connections that are not in time and space.The connections are there and if we have cultivated a particular connection with aparticular teacher in a past life or in this life, we can feel a sense of connection that is notparticularly based on memories as such. We might not think 'oh yes I remember thatperson was kind to me' - we might just feel drawn to that person for no particular reason.

I expect there are various things going on there in the sense that it may be patterns we areused to from memories in this life that are not 'remembered' consciously but are going onat an unconscious level. It is interesting that we call this unconscious or even perhaps sub-conscious without really knowing what we are saying. How can we be aware or consciousof something we are not aware or conscious of? Nonetheless I think we are looking in theright direction here.

Memories and habitual tendencies and karmic traces have to be somewhere and I wouldsay they have to be outside time and space. I suspect they are the connectionsthemselves that we know directly but are not aware of them until we have interpreted themin terms of a framework of time and space.

Maybe our whole life is like that. We interpret it as a stream of events and join them up aswe go along and call all that our life and then death happens and we draw a line under that'life' as if it were there and then it was not. Then any future connections have to beinterpreted as a future life, whereas in essence they are not divided up into lives that way.

If we could see Reality as it was then nothing would be going from life to life - it would allbe of a piece, the Whole seen from a particular point of view. But since we don't have thatEnlightened Vision we have to think of one life following another as a best approximationwithin the limitations of the way we think. At least this way we continue to give our lifemeaning and we have a sense of a path to guide our actions.

It is just as in this life we have a sense of being a person living a life even though wecannot find any person still present from the past or any person existing in the future andthe present person is so fleetingly present it’s hardly what you would call a person!Nonetheless a person has meaning and a person waking up to their true nature hasmeaning - ultimately the person is the Buddha.

These are deep questions we are considering here.

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The twelve links of

dependent origination

The twelve links of dependent origination, also known as the twelve nidanas (Sanskrit:pratitya samutpada; Tibetan, ten-drel, chu-nyi) are an important part of the Buddha'steaching. They are the means by which the deluded world of samsara is maintained. Herea student wonders how this fits with the later Madhyamaka teachings on the emptiness ofreality, expounded by Nagarjuna.

Student: I have been looking into the Madhyamaka teachings, and I have been strugglingto understand the Buddha Shakyamuni’s teaching on the Twelve Nidanas in this context.Buddha states that there are these twelve stages of causation and Nagarjuna provescause and effect not to be possible. Could you help me to understand this?

Lama Shenpen: Actually the Buddha didn’t talk about twelve stages of causation. Hetalked about 12 conditions each of which when present allowed for the presence of thenext. That is not quite the same as saying one thing is the cause of another.

Nagarjuna talked about how the idea of cause implies something has the power in it toproduce something else but when you look closely at the things involved they are not ofthe nature of things that can produce an effect. Since a thing called a cause cannotproduce an effect and an effect cannot exist without a cause this shows that things do notarise in dependence on causes, and they do not arise causelessly and so that things donot arise!

Or in other words, whatever it is that we are calling things, their true nature cannot begrasped in terms of causes and effects, existence and not existence, arising and notarising and so on.

Does this help at all?

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Regular or spontaneous practice?

Student: A year ago, my sitting sessions had to be in the same place and the same time,or else it didn't feel 'right'. Now though I find I can do it in all sorts of places. Am I on theright track?

Lama Shenpen: There is an up side and a down side to this. The up side is that when youdo sit it is because you are really full on and it’s what you want to do and your heart is fullyin it. The down side is that without a regular routine there is a danger that when that notfeeling rightness sets in then there is no way of learning to face it. All it is is sitting andbeing awake and aware. How could it possibly not be ‘right’. If it doesn’t feel ‘right’ it’sbecause there is something there that needs the kind of attention that only sitting will beable to provide (by ‘sitting’ here I mean that act of stopping chasing distractions and justbeing with whatever is going on).

The discipline of always doing the session at the same time and the same place on a dailybasis creates a protection mandala which helps the seedling thrive away from distractions.Then as you say you can take it anywhere and go to it any time. There is a danger thoughof dropping the discipline of regular practice too soon.

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Do I belong in this Sangha?

A student is trying to decide whether they really belong in the Sangha, and Lama Shenpengives some guidance on how to work with such doubts creatively.

Student: I keep thinking that there is some basic attitude I am carrying around that stopsme feeling part of what is going on. I feel odd and stupid, a stranger in this Sangha.

Lama Shenpen: To be honest I think it is more a sense of panic than really feeling astranger. I think you are panicking because you are finding yourself at odds with things Iam saying and then losing confidence. What happens then is that instead of simply havingthe confidence to just be yourself and allow yourself the space to explore what you arehearing in a relaxed way, you are panicking and thinking 'This means something awful!Maybe it means I have got the whole thing wrong! Maybe I am in the wrong place! Maybe Idon’t belong here!'

Once you start thinking that there is no answer really. I would say this is a story that youare making up. The story goes something like 'I feel uncomfortable with what LamaShenpen seems to be saying and I am terrified that it means I don’t belong here and thisreminds me of all the times this kind of thing has happened to me in the past. Oh dear! Ohdear! Help!'

This fits exactly into my definition of story. So I would suggest you tried to experience theessence of the story before the words and simply let the essence of the story be what it isand maybe you will find it naturally starts expressing itself in other words. For example itmight start to express itself as 'Whenever I feel uncomfortable with something LamaShenpen says I panic and start to think I don’t belong here. Then I notice that this isthinking and when I go back to what it was hat triggered the uncomfortable feeling I usuallyfind that I have lost confidence and am not really remaining open to what she is saying. Ihave stopped listening properly and am jumping to all sorts of conclusions. I am quite ableto deal with all that and actually the question of whether I belong here or not isn’t really anissue. When I look at all the other people here they are just as different from each other asI am from any one of them. I wonder how they are coping with these things Shenpen issaying - I wonder what they make of it.

And the story might unfold from there …

You mention Meditation as your point of sanity. That is good and I hope you can nowinclude the panic in the meditation too.

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Not every thought is ego

When we try to control our meditation experiences, we call that ego. But it is not helpful tosee all thinking as ego and demonize it. We can simply take thinking as thinking and let itpoint beyond itself to an intuitive sense of what is right for us.

Student: There have been many things I have noticed but the main thing I want to raise isabout ego. I see how it is constantly trying to take charge. At this stage, althoughsometimes there is a taste of something different, more quiet, more almost joyful, I amaware that a lot of my meditation experience is coloured and influenced by my ego.

Lama Shenpen: Ego is thinking.

When you notice the effort to control things and make things be how they should be, noticethat is thinking and as such quite amazing. Let it go but don’t chase it away. Let it be andkind of let it impress you. It is so persistent and has such a 'mind of its own' but what is it?

Student: I am a bit wary of talking about it as ego as if it were some kind of truly existentdemon that is lurking there spoiling everything, a demon one has to take seriously and getrid of.

Lama Shenpen: Of course, there is a sense in which one has to take it seriously. Thethinking processes arising from grasping on to 'me' as central and important are causing allour suffering. It is only thinking and it is all thinking based on a fear reaction to facingreality. The fear has caused a turning away and a great deal of confusion. It is not someevil demon lurking there that is other than the nature of reality itself. So you don’t have tokeep fending off this demon. It’s thinking and thinking is marvellous. It is magic. So youcan relax.

Student: When I have a sense of being distracted, I assume it is my ego that says 'Letthat go, return to just sitting, just the breath'.

Lama Shenpen: That is why I think its not very helpful to think that all thinking isnecessarily ego or grasping at self. If every thought was ego what you are saying would betrue.

But actually there is thinking that is just thinking. Actually it is the thinking itself that is whattruly is but we can never catch the thinking because its not separate from awareness itself.In itself thinking is not a problem, but it bends back on itself and gets into knots. So it isimportant to recognise thinking as thinking and then gradually come to understand its

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intrinsic nature.

Student: The question is, how do I trust this voice?

Lama Shenpen: Just be very simple about it. There is a thought that thinks 'let it go' andthere is the intuitive sense that this means something and an intuitive response that letsyou do it. That is simply responsiveness and well-being, a sense of what would feel 'right'.Somehow when you get the right touch it is not really thinking. It is before you think, orperhaps it is what your thinking leads you to do. It is the thinking pointing beyond itself. It isquite magical really.

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It was all going so well!

When we practise we regularly find ourselves back at the beginning, feeling we haveachieved nothing. By working with that anxiety however, we start to go deeper.

Student: For some months I have been doing about 20-35 minutes daily meditation. Onholiday, my meditation seemed to go very deep. But now back home suddenly mymeditation is like a huge effort and my mind full of rubbish. I feel like I'm back at the wholestart of the process again.

Lama Shenpen: Yes, that is how we all experience the path. It seems the more wepractice the more we notice how much of the time we are not! Noticing that kind of thing ispractice actually. Before we just went along with all that thinking that was just life, then weexperience something more genuine and real and it highlights the rest as rubbish. But it isimportant not to just treat it as rubbish. Every bit of rubbish is a jewel.

Whatever is happening is a Dharma opportunity, however bad and negative it seems.Once we have noticed it, the transformation process has begun. It often seems that we areback at square one but that is because reality is right here in every experience. It is like agate. We keep stepping in and out. When we are in a good space it seems like that is allthere is and always will be and when we step out it seems like to get back into the space isa huge effort.

It is as if there are guardians around the gate telling us it’s all much too difficult to step outagain. But actually it is a lie. It is actually easy to step right back into the space of the pathto Awakening. The problem is our habit of believing it is hard. We believe the voice thatsays this is all some kind of big deal and that we have regressed and that we cannot stopand wake up even for a few moments. So when you catch that lie, just stop for a fewmoments and see. Just see if it really is that difficult or not. Just allow a short gap and justsee ...... what bubbles up when you do that?

Student: On holiday it felt spacious, but now my breath seems to come and go into such asmall, confined space, and I cannot get any sense of a larger space, only this littleclaustrophobic space around me.

Lama Shenpen: That is because you are approaching it with some kind of anxiety. Theimportant thing is to approach it fresh as if you had never experienced space before — justgently wondering what it could mean — as if you had no idea at all.

Gently explore that little claustrophobic space. How big is it actually? Three feet all round?Or just in front? Above? Then what? What is the other side of that boundary? What is that

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boundary in fact? Is it inside or outside? Are you sure it is such a tight space? Or is it afeeling? Turn towards the feeling and be gentle and interested in how it relates to space.

Just keep wondering in a gentle and interested way.

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Karmais not about crime and punishment

Traditional Buddhist teachings on karma are often misinterpreted, stigmatizing people whoare suffering as having behaved particularly badly in the past. But in fact we are all in thesame boat, never knowing when our past actions will catch up with us.

Student: Someone I know who has suffered chronic pain and illness for most of her lifeand is concerned, as a Buddhist, that she must had done something wrong in a previouslife. Karma doesn't work like that though, does it? It's not about crime and punishment.

Lama Shenpen: Yes it is a matter of cause and effect rather than crime and punishment -nonetheless this alone might not be much comfort.

What I find helpful is to realise that actually we are all in the same boat karmicallyspeaking. We have all had countless past lives and done every imaginable stupid actionand so have an infinite pile of horrible results waiting for us just around the corner - that isthe truth of it from the Buddhist point of view and life's circumstances seem to bear thisout.

Samsara is a dangerous place and none of us knows what action will ripen for us next -like we do not know what we are going to dream next in our sleep. It is all prettyunpredictable and haphazard.

It is not that some people are good and have only good karma and some are bad andhave only bad karma - this life's circumstances are not the sum total of our past karma buta random ripening of certain things. We experience a mixture of good and bad ripeningsand sometimes more of one kind than the other. It’s like that for all of us.

So the only solution for any of us is to use whatever circumstances arise to further ourDharma practice - for learning patience, for giving up selfishness, giving up our grasping ata false sense of self and inspiring us to make skilful pranidhanas so that we do not loseour way and so that we can use our suffering as a way of helping others.

That is what we all can do whether just at present we are enjoying a relative respite fromsuffering or whether we are in the thick of it.

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Going deeperRelating to meditative experiences

As a student discusses their progress with the Discovering the Heart of Buddhism course,interesting questions come up about how to relate to experiences in meditation.

Student: I have had no issues with the exercises in the course book (DHB Book 3 –Openness and Clarity), until right toward the end, when contemplating spaciousness andclarity. I need to provide some background explanation here, as follows: I have been re-reading a book on the life and work of David Bohm, a renowned physicist, a collaboratorwith Einstein, as well as a colleague of Krishnamurti. I have been thrilled to be reminded ofBohm's views on the nature of consciousness and the universe, which are very Buddhistin description; in fact in Rigdzin Shikpo's description of evam I found an almost identicaldescription of the wave nature of the electron in Bohm's book, perhaps not surprisinggiving their common scientific heritage.

Lama Shenpen: Yes, I find Bohm’s work very inspiring too and as you say it seems to besaying some of the same things as Rigdzin Shikpo. Many years ago when I told TrungpaRinpoche I knew nothing about Buddhism and asked what I should read he suggestedKrishnamurti and also Meister Eckhart. That is interesting isn’t it?

Student: The contemplation on mind, the universe, clarity, spaciousness from these twosources [David Bohm and Rigdzin Shikpo] has taken me to a new level. Suddenly I havereached - though I cannot hold it for long - a point where there are no thoughts in my mind.Usually my mind is a bit like the captain of a ship, being aware of many things, bodysensations, environment, having interruptions as thoughts pop up and disappear, standardstuff. However, tipped over by a little bit of a minor personal trauma (what can roughly belabelled as “shame”, a silly clumsy way of expressing something quite trivial), I havesuddenly discovered myself on this new level of mind. In addition, the feelings that I havelabelled "shame" have suddenly become of no account and easily disregarded and setaside.

Lama Shenpen: Sounds like what you are calling level of mind is what I am trying to getyou to open out into – the Openness, Clarity and Sensitivity of the true essence or natureof your mind or being.

Student: I am identifying this new experience as yet another nyam17.

17 Nyam (Tibetan): any interesting but transient experience that comes up in meditation, such as bliss,insight or clarity. Meditators are advised not make too much of them.

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Lama Shenpen: There is no need to identify them heavily as anything! But yes, anyexperience like that is a nyam until it reaches the point of being a genuine and completerealisation.

Student: My feeling is to explore it further, and to try to consolidate the process so that Ican enter what appears to be a quieter, more spacious and deeper level more at will.However, also to recognise that it is yet another small hill that has been climbed, and thatgreater mountains lie beyond it.

Lama Shenpen: Yes, there is no need to get excited about it as some greataccomplishment or project that you are trying to accomplish. Just take it as it comes.Enlightenment is not far away - you can have confidence in that.

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Feeling good about ourselves

Feeling good about ourselves produces confidence and relaxation, which are essential tothe spiritual path, but while it makes sense to do things that will help us feel better aboutourselves, ultimately we have to learn to rely on our actual being.

Student: I find it very helpful to feel good about myself by wearing the right clothes, havingothers praise my achievements, seeing flattering photographs of myself and so on. I thinkthis helps me to be confident and relaxed, and therefore to deal better with others. At whatpoint does that tip over into narcissism and the worldly dharmas18? Or maybe you think Ialready have?

Lama Shenpen: Well we all tend to tip over into narcissism and the worldly dharmas allthe time don’t we? You are making an accurate observation here when you notice howlooking good, being praised and so on leaves us feeling confident and relaxed. Theconfidence and relaxation are the qualities we are seeking but if they are dependent onhow we look, what other people think of us and so on then it is conditioned confidence.When we get falsely accused, blamed, criticised, judged, labelled and so on in ways wedon’t like then that confidence is shattered. It is worthless. All we have left then is ourinnate confidence – our knowing that we are by nature indestructible and so we can relaxeven when accused and so on. We can notice our feelings and express them to ourselvesand others and link them to our genuine values that are universal values that we are willingto embody and stand up for.

The NVC19 approach links us into a genuine confidence in what is intrinsic to all humanbeings- all beings in fact - this is not to say that it isn’t fun and even meaningful to dresswell, to be liked, to be praised for what we do and so on. That could all be thought of aspositive feed-back that helps us communicate and be effective in the world. But if ourconfidence depends on things like that then sooner or later we are going to come unstuck.Things aren’t always going to go our way. We have to recognize that our worth and theworth of any being doesn’t depend on how they look or how well they can perform tasks.Our worth is our actual being, our presence, our openness, clarity and sensitivity...and allthat is the same in everyone however bad their situation. It is really important to reflectdeeply on this point. It is the whole point of the Dharma. It is the whole point of love andcompassion.

18 The Eight Worldly Dharmas: classes of experience that are a major cause of suffering, traditionallygrouped into four pairs: pleasure and pain; praise and blame; fame and disgrace; gain and loss.

19 NVC: Non-Violent Communication, which is based on the principle of communicating our needs to othersin a way that develops connection. See http://www.cnvc.org.

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Loving kindness for ourselves

Loving kindness for ourselves means dropping the idea of a self that is not good enough,and linking in to our wish for happiness.

Student: The expression 'loving kindness for oneself' is strange because I am actuallyonly one person. What does it mean?

Lama Shenpen: Yes, it is a curious expression isn’t it? Loving kindness towards oneselfimplies that there are two characters involved, oneself and the one that one one is beingkind to. This is where language itself starts to lead us into difficulties. Love is actually realand so is ungraspable. If we are full of self-hatred and loathing, if we judge ourselvesharshly and think of ourselves as no good, useless and so on then we are creating a falseidea, an ego-centric idea. Love for ourselves means letting all that false thinking go andstepping out of the ego-mandala. It is not about giving our ego a new project of lovingitself! It is about linking into the Heart Wish which is for happiness – we don’t need to sayit's wishing happiness for ourselves...obviously if we want to be happy it relates toourselves...but it doesn’t come from focusing on our self in an egocentric way.

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Responding rather than reacting

Ultimately we have to give up the mind that gets attached to what it perceives as good andthat reacts against what it perceives as bad. Then, instead of reacting, we can be verysimple with our experience and respond directly and spontaneously. That is a skilful action.

Student: I have often heard Buddhists say that you have to give up both 'the good and thebad'. But surely we should strive for the good and reject the bad?

Lama Shenpen: You are right that we have to strive for the good and reject the bad. Thequestion here is what is ‘good’ and what is ‘bad’.

We use the term ‘good’ for what is conducive to genuine and lasting happiness for bothourselves and others and in Buddhist terms this means positive karmic intentions andactions of body, speech and mind. The resulting happiness, however it manifests, is alsogood.

The word in Sanskrit is ‘kushula’ (gewa in Tibetan) and it might be as easily if not bettertranslated as skilful in the sense that if what we are wanting is happiness, it is skilful to actin a way that is conducive to happiness. So, good, in this context is not a moral judgementor badge for having kept to the rules as it were. It is "good" in the sense of skilful in termsof achieving what is wholesome.

'Bad' is what is opposite to this. It is what is not conducive to happiness and in Buddhistterms it refers to negative karmic intentions and actions. So of course we have to give upthe bad if we are to arrive at the good. The two are mutually exclusive.

So why is it sometimes said that ultimately we have to give up the good and the bad? Itmeans we have to give up the mind that gets attached to what it perceives as good andthat reacts against what it perceives as bad. From the point of view of that kind of reactivemind, it has to learn to just relax and let whatever happens happen without reacting, givingup obsessively judging every experience as either good or bad.

When we can do that and be very simple with our experience, whatever arises, theninstead of reacting we respond sensitively because we are open and clear about the truesituation – our responses become direct and spontaneous without having to think it all out.This is the ultimate skilful action and so is the ultimate good. Instead of thinking this isgood or this is bad, we are able to respond intuitively without thinking and that is what ismeant by giving up good and bad. Every experience becomes good in effect becauseeverything we do is skilful in the sense of being conducive to happiness.

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Loving ourselvesDharma or self-help?

Genuine love and compassion goes deeper than psychological self-help techniques, takingus beyond egocentricity to a genuine spirituality. However, many people bring an attitude ofself-hatred to their Dharma practice and they need to use any psychological techniquesthat help.

Student: Do you think that the approach of consciously trying to create and enact loving-kindness for oneself is a Dharma practice or psychological self-help? Does it eliminatedelusions which create samsara or does it proliferate them?

Lama Shenpen: You are right to make a distinction between a psychological self helpapproach and genuine love and compassion, which emerges through our Dharmapractice. The latter can only develop if we let go of our delusions that create samsara. Ifwe do the loving-kindness practice in a blind egocentric way we will just proliferate thesedelusions.

However, if we are full of habits of self-hating and judgemental thoughts then we have tolearn to lighten up in whatever way we can. Only then can we start to apply Dharmamethods properly and not in a negatively distorted way.

If we don’t have strong tendencies of self-hatred in our psychology, then we don’t need toapply the kind of psychological antidotes that help relieve it.

Student: Something feels wrong to me in taking more seriously the idea that I am aseparate self requiring kindness, and the further "doubling-up" of creating a "kind self" wholooks after the "victim self" that requires this kindness.

Lama Shenpen: Yes. That is the danger of this kind of talk. Although, I think for somepeople, they need to discover that for themselves. They need to notice there is no virtue inbeing hard on oneself. Being hard on oneself and being nice to oneself are both ego-centric but if you are in the habit of being nasty to yourself you need to lighten up - so youneed to use anything that helps!

It’s all nonsense in the end but you have to see that for yourself. It is not good just forgingahead thinking you can beam out love to others while ignoring the self-hatred – this is anunbalanced and distorted approach that simply leads to problems in the end. It leaves aperson blocked.

Student: I would feel happier if the process involved seeing the falseness of ignoring ourown needs, of replicating a perceived attitude of non-equanimity by seeing ourselves as

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less worthy than others.

Lama Shenpen: Yes, it has to become something like that in the end. If you are notdivided against yourself there is no need to do more than simply link into the Heart Wish.

Student: I mean that this attitude must in some way have come from interaction withothers; we would not naturally counter our lifelong care for our own well-being with ademeaning attitude towards ourselves. By subsequently adding another attitude of self-care to counter the self-ignoring mistake, are we trying to do something in the same game,instead of realising something – seeing through the game?

Lama Shenpen: Yes. You are completely right. You do need to see through the game.

It is surprisingly difficult for some people to get to that stage though. Their habit of self-hatred is so strongly programmed into them that they turn Dharma practice into a furtherpractice of self-hatred. It is surprisingly difficult for some people to see through the game.

But you are right to think that actually love and compassion arise from seeing through thegame. So yes, everyone has to check this out for themselves. Are they still so stuck in theirhabits of self-hatred that they are not getting the point of Dharma practice at all? If so, theyneed psychological methods and help to get started. Once they have started the Dharmaapproach can take over – and that then becomes genuine spirituality.

It is a matter of moving from the level of applying antidotes, to the level of a genuineconnection with reality.

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Working with disturbing emotions

All of us may suffer from disturbing emotions from time to time, and it is important to train inworking with them. This means not acting them out, and not cultivating them. Instead weturn towards them in a relaxed and open-hearted way, seeing them for what they are. Wedo not have to get rid of them.

Student: I am pleased that I am starting the DHB course and I wondered if I may ask youa question - it is something I mentioned to my Contact Person and he recommended I askyou.

It is about kleshas [Sanskrit: disturbing emotions]. Now that I am becoming more regular withmy practice, having started the course proper, I feel that I am affected strongly by kleshasand wondered what practice should be undertaken to enable them not to have such anaffect? Could you point me in the direction of relevant teachings, or is this something Ishould keep an eye on in my meditation practice? I feel that they are particularly strong inrelation to my intersection with the external world and other people and also in blockstowards accepting my own practice.

Lama Shenpen: All the practices we do in Dharma are for dealing with the kleshas ordisturbing emotions that lead to negative actions of body, speech and mind.

The first step is to tame the wild mind by learning not to act them out and making badkarma.

Once we are more or less under control in the sense that we are not lashing out at people,stealing, lying and so on, we then have to start working on the disturbing emotionsthemselves that do not just go away because we tell them to.

More likely, we may actually suffer more acutely from noticing how they pervade ourthinking in so many ways and disturb our minds. At this stage in the meditation you mayfind you start to notice that the disturbing emotions are connected with negative thoughts.These thoughts can just be left as they are and they will fade by themselves. Or even ifthey don’t fade, they are seen to be essentially harmless.

However the more difficult thing is dealing with the associated emotions and feelings thatcause the negative thinking to keep repeating itself, triggered again and again by the sameemotional triggers. At this point it helps to turn towards those uncomfortable feelings andexperience them more clearly as they arise moment by moment. However, as long as youthink of yourself as separate from the thoughts and feelings you will find them irritating andwant to get rid of them. This only makes a kind of struggle that goes on and on.Sometimes it is a bit better and then it seems to just go back to exactly how it was before.It is because of strong habits developed over our whole life or even lifetimes.

What helps, as you notice this happening, is to try to keep things light and simple. If youblame yourself for having these thoughts and feelings you divide and set yourself againstyourself and this makes the whole situation worse. It is very important to develop an openheart that includes yourself and to let go of that severe judging mind.

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Yes, you need to distinguish between wholesome and unwholesome mental states – theones you wish to foster because they bring happiness and the ones you wish to let go ofbecause they bring suffering. But you don’t need to be heavy-handed with this.

It is enough to simply notice them as they arise and make your choice each time which tocultivate and which to leave aside. It’s important to be relaxed and confident about this.This is why I stress developing open-heartedness and confidence, returning to yourdeepest heart wish and reaffirming it, realigning with it all the time. This gives you lots ofpositive energy and mental states that over time weaken the negative tendencies.

Once they are weak enough it is easy to spot them as they arise and actually all you needto do is notice them and not cultivate them and they are then quite harmless. In the endyou find you can take a real and genuine interest in them and empathise with them andthey somehow become your friends. It is not necessary to get rid of them. The Buddhahimself used to sometimes encounter Mara and all he would say is 'I see you Mara' andimmediately Mara was rendered powerless and slunk away.

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The Mahamudra pranidhana and thetrue self

The Mahamudra Pranidhana or Prayer is a text which deals with the fundamental mistakeof splitting up awareness into outer objects and a separate self observing those objects.This is sometimes also referred to as Trimandala: splitting up the whole of experience intothree separate categories of subject, object and action. Through meditation we come tosee that what we call 'self' is not what we thought it was.

Student: I’ve been thinking about the Mahamudra prayer and keep coming back to thelines:

The self-display that never existed,

Is mistaken for objects.

By the force of non-recognition, avidya,

Self-awareness is mistaken for the self.

By the force of grasping at these two, one roams endlessly in the vast empty space of samsara.

May non-recognition, avidya, the source of confusion be eradicated.

My understanding was that "awareness" in this context is synonymous with Truth andBuddha nature, if this is the case then isn't "awareness" also the true self? Perhapsbecause of my increased confusion at present I am missing the obvious?

Lama Shenpen: Yes you are missing the obvious. The “self” referred to here (in “ismistaken for the self”) is the small, separate self or mind, not the True Self or BuddhaNature.

The lines you quote point out what happens when we divide the display from theawareness and see one as outer objects and the other a separate mind or self observingthem. It is a fundamental mistake.

However what is not so obvious is the nature of the self-display. If one could trulyrecognise it to be no other than awareness, then how would that be then? Would itdisappear?

This is a subtle point that I try to talk about so that people are aware of the depth ofmeaning that lies there. We need to familiarise ourselves with how could it be that there isknowledge that is not involved in a knower and known. This is the meaning of emptiness.

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Meditative absorption is not enough

In this dialogue with a student, Lama Shenpen explains that being absorbed in meditation(a state known as dhyana or shamatha), while pleasant does not bring liberation, becauseit will eventually come to an end. It is better to link directly to the path to Awakening bytaking Refuge, connecting to a lineage through a teacher and aspiring to awaken.

Student: I am not convinced about either karma or rebirth. I do find them inspiring andmotivating but my logical mind can (seemingly) refute each of them. What if rebirth andkarma do not exist?

Lama Shenpen: You could think that even if they don’t turn out to be true at least by livingas if they were you will be acting skilfully, and the results will be happiness.

Student: Why not just learn to enter dhyana and then you have a resort to feel better andextend good energy to your day. You could still be a decent person and share lovingbonds. The dyana would help to develop all of the loving qualities I imagine.

Lama Shenpen: Not all the loving qualities but yes, some of them to some extent. Thetemptation to find a place in samsara where one feels better, peaceful and loving is strongisn’t it?

The problem is that if it is still samsara then sooner or later you end up at square one orworse. You have taken birth as deluded being and entering a dyana state is not liberation.

It is important to understand the difference between practising just to make good karmaand have a more pleasant life (at least for the time being) and practising to connect to thepath to complete and perfect awakening.

You can only go to the place you aim for. You don’t arrive at complete and perfectawakening just by chance. To aim for it you have to understand the difference between adhyana state such as limitless space, awareness, nothingness etc. [different levels ofmeditative absorption] and the kind of knowledge that enables us to see the true nature ofexistence. The latter is the knowledge that liberates.

Even if we don’t make it to realising that knowledge fully in this life at least by aspiring for itand connecting to a lineage that does have it we are in the right mandala and the mandalahas a dynamic of its own that keeps us connected. That is the point of taking Refuge.

Once you understand this there is no harm in using the dhyanas sometimes.

Student: If I could just go into dhyana and feel really good wouldn't that fulfil what myheartwish is longing for?

Lama Shenpen: Temporarily perhaps. But it's not easy to attain dhyana. And why all that

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effort if it’s not permanent?

Student: That is the motivation of my meditation I realize - because you don't really feelgood unless the heart is honoured. My aim is to just have those times when you can sitwith what’s painful as a sensitive mixture of pain and pleasure. If I have equanimity to thepain it gets more and more peaceful and pleasurable.

Lama Shenpen: Yes, you have to honour the heart. Yes, equanimity is what we are aimingfor.

Student: I don’t feel this is going away from your teachings on spaciousness, becausethose must be a part of dhyana, but I just wondered about dhyana. Could I just makedhyana almost an intermediary refuge, a middle man, if you will, between me and theDharma?

Lama Shenpen: Why do that? Why not simply focus on the Dharma? Some level ofdhyana or shamata is necessary for that. So there is no need to give up your longing forDharma in order to focus on dhyana or shamata - that is what you need to do at least tosome extent in order to practise Dharma. It seems to me that you have a heartwish forpeace and equanimity. Perhaps you have just started wondering if there is a way ofachieving dhyana that works better than what you are doing now. That is a reasonablething to be wondering.

In the Mahamudra and Dzogchen traditions they teach that the faster route is not to botherto develop the dhyanas but to go straight for the path of adhistana (blessing) and open upto all experience rather than trying too hard to control what arises in the mind. The reasonis that dhyanic states don’t last forever and when they end the suffering can be terrible.And all you can do then is again seek the path to awakening and follow it. So you may aswell do that now. Why not?

If you keep the Refuge and the Bodhisattva motivation very strong in your mind you won’tgo far astray and your mind will certainly become happier and more peaceful. Then by allmeans cultivate shamata or dhyana to the degree that you can and is helpful for furtheringyour understanding of Dharma. That is a good aspiration to have.

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How much of a persongoes on after death?

When we ask what happens when we die, we come to the question of what a person is,and how we are somehow distinct from each other but not separate.

Student: Some weeks ago a dear friend was dying. I went down to see her several times.Quite a bit of the time I was with her, I was just sitting by her in silence, being there withher.

Then it was time for me to go and I said goodbye. She struggled, her eyes didn't open buther hand moved towards me and she tried to speak. She said, 'Thank you for coming.'

I was suddenly pierced through with understanding that she was there, in this dying body,already waxy and cold at the peripheries, but she, the person I loved, was there, in themiddle of this experience of dying, in this body. And despite all she was suffering andexperiencing at that time, she was reaching out to me to communicate with me.

I wondered what would happen to the individual her when she died. We spend so muchtime trying to discover something universal, our Buddha nature, but I was aware at thatmoment that it wasn't a recognition in me of something universal in her, but a recognitionof her as an individual, someone other than myself, and it was that someone other, withtheir personality, their ego, that I loved.

So the question: when I die, is it all of me that goes on?

Obviously not my body but how much of me, the individual? Because however much Istruggle with my own ego and habits that prevent my striving to follow the Buddha'steaching, I do love all of the things that go to make up the persons who are close to me."

Lama Shenpen: I often get asked this and I try to explain that we are each a mandala -we are not separable from any other person and yet we are distinct.

Everything is like that. Whatever you experience is completely distinct from any otherexperience and yet when you try to analyse what that experience is exactly - where it is,how long it lasts, whether it is inside or outside or whatever you do to try to pin it down andseparate it from any other experience, you can’t do it.

In the same way we are each inseparable from anything else and yet quite distinct – isn’tthat amazing? Isn’t it wonderful? Isn’t it poignant?

So what about your question? How much of us dies? Does our individualness as a persondie?

It seems it is not of the nature of something that is born and dies.

It is a mandala that when fully manifest is an Awakened Buddha and when not fullymanifest, is something like us or some other kind of being who thinks they are something

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they are not!

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Greetings at LosarTibetan New Year 2013

This year is the year of the female water snake. Apparently it has a lot to do with illusion,mesmerizing and charismatic influences with the suggestion that it is a year of gestation(water) preparing for a fruition next year – and that there could be mystery and surpriseson the way. That all sounds good fun!

I am never quite sure how seriously to take all these associations but the fact that they arethere at all seems to mean something – like a symbol that evokes meaning because of theway it links to the underlying reality of all that is. The question is how well we areunderstanding the depth and the meaning of the symbol.

Dharma practice is about clearing our minds of our habitual clutter so that the underlyingsignificance and meaning of all things can emerge spontaneously as intuitive wisdom. Itsounds good but it takes a great deal of dedication to Dharma practice to bring that to thefore in a reliable way. Nonetheless, the female water snake could be an inspiration for usthis year if we let it be.

Remember that the first month of the Tibetan New Year, especially the first two weeks, isconsidered a time when our practice is particularly blessed and potent. So it would be agood idea to set yourself an extra target for at least the first week or so. For example tolearn something by heart, or recite a prayer you don’t usually recite, or do extra formlessmeditation or keep the precepts more purely

Or maybe we think that we are already practising at full capacity and so we should justrejoice at that as we enjoy the coming of the New Tibetan Year.

So here is wishing everyone a wonderful Female Water Snake year, enjoying the play ofillusion and sowing the seeds of goodness to ripen in years to come.

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Working with boredom

When irritability and boredom come up, we tend to look outside ourselves for somethingexciting that will make us feel more alive, but this is just addictive behaviour. Instead, if wecan turn towards this whole process with great kindness, we can make friends with ourexperience and find a sense of spaciousness and aliveness.

Student: I have wanted to write to you for a while but I think that I wait too long and then Idon’t know where to start. What’s cleared it up a bit is surprisingly the emergence ofunexplained anger. It does not feel safe to me and I want it gone before it turns into action.

Lama Shenpen: Anger manifests as thoughts but also as the feelings and emotions thatunderlie the thoughts. Often the discomfort is actually more or less physical and you cannotice that but it doesn’t necessarily go away.

Noticing it can wake you up to the fact that your feelings and emotions are needing yourattention - they are not just going to go away. They have a message for you and sinceultimately all messages come to us from the Buddha Nature - they are fundamentallygood.

But are we listening to them properly? If we think ‘anger is bad and uncomfortable andembarrassing and I want it to go away’ we are not listening to its message. It is importantto think of anger as ‘no’ to something and ‘yes’ to something else - always. So get behindyour feeling and/or emotion and try to link into the value or living quality that the ‘yes’ isabout.

For example, if you are irritable and bored - that is a ‘yes’ to ease and interest,meaningfulness and action that flows from the heart rather than from a sense ofoppression.You may find that more empathy with the ‘yes’ supplies you with a way forwardin which the energy of the anger becomes useful. You can think of it as a messenger thathas brought some kind of blessing.

Student: Tonight it came to me that boredom seems to be what is causing this anger. Iwant something important or enjoyable to happen, and I don’t want to wait. I am constantlychecking email, snail mail, texts, phone messages for something new and exciting. I amlooking for that high that will jump start me. But I am finding that these highs are few andfar between and I do not feel comfortable with this mind set. I feel like an addict.

Lama Shenpen: Yes you are an addict. We all are. Samsara is an addiction. Samsara isruled by Mara – and Mara literally means death, the very opposite of life. If we areplodding along without lifting our heads up out of Mara’s world, then sooner or later it willdawn on us that it is simply lifeless and meaningless.

This is when we mistakenly look for something to entertain us, to make it more excitingand interesting. That seems an easier option than actually facing our addiction to samsara.

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Instead of tackling our basic delusion and blind habitual patterns, we want to somehowmake them work in order to feed our egos just that little bit longer. This boredom we feel orare trying to fend off actually comes from ego-clinging. Instead of recognizing that thequalities we yearn for are in fact intrinsically available from within the nature of our being,we project them out there somewhere and take up the position of ourselves beingsomehow separate from them – yearning for them. All this is vividly described in TrungpaRinpoche’s Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism.

It is good that you are noticing your boredom and addictive behavior. You now know what itis that you are going to have to come to terms with. It is no use judging yourself as a verybad person who has only just noticed this - that is not the point.

The point is, with great kindness, to turn towards the whole process and really experienceit as fully as you can. Touch it with your attention, reach into it to explore it and familiarizeyourself with it in a kind and friendly way. It is as if you were saying, “Hey, you areinteresting – I want to really feel you out properly’. Such attention ends up leading into asense of spaciousness – and aliveness. Let me know if it doesn’t.

This applies in daily life just as much as in meditation.

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When life is a struggle

When life is a struggle, it is important not to expect too much from ourselves. We just dowhat we can, make pranidhanas, and enjoy what we have been able to do.

Student: I really appreciate your email teachings. I have been following the Discoveringthe Heart of Buddhism course but, sadly, not very well - I have very poor discipline forsitting practice, my main difficulty is agitation.

Lama Shenpen: The best solution for this is shorter sitting sessions. Five minutes or lessat a time several times a day is a good way to start.

Student: Then recently I became completely derailed from Buddhism when our localteacher was shown to have been deceiving our community over many years in matters ofsexuality and money. I felt angry and confused and I did no practice.

Lama Shenpen: Shocks like that can undermine us can’t they? It is the time whenpractice is most important and the time when we are most likely to lose our momentum.But it comes back and you just have to start again from where you left off. It is never toolate.

Student: Then late last year I was diagnosed with a heart problem which could apparentlyend my life at any time without warning.

Lama Shenpen: That is a shock but also a good reminder isn’t it? None of us know howlong we have got but we do tend to think it’s a long way off, when in fact, who knows?

Student: Since then I have been struggling hugely with feelings of anxiety and futility. Ireflected for many months before I realised one day that I just had the same newseveryone else has. I may die at any moment - but the difference is I now really KNOW it. Ikept trying to reflect on that reality, but I am still struggling. How do you live in the face ofdeath? Everything seems pointless apart from spending time with my loved ones. I getangry and impatient with everyday things like tasks at home and work.

Lama Shenpen: Have you taken Refuge in the Buddha Dharma and Sangha? Have youtaken the Bodhisattva vow? If you have (or even if you haven’t) it is good to think aboutwhat Refuge means and what the Bodhisattva vow means and relate that to your life and

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your death - and what happens after that. It is the time to make pranidhanas20 - have youever looked at the Samantabhadracharyapranidhana?

If life is a struggle, lower your expectations from yourself. Do what you can and thencongratulate yourself on having done what you have done - and enjoy the moment.

20 wishing prayer, such as 'may all beings be happy'.

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Prayers for the Dead

A student asks Lama Shenpen if there are any prayers appropriate for those who have diedwho did not have a religious tradition in their lives.

Student: I have found it very difficult to find prayers for remembering the dead. I try toremember friends and family members on the anniversary of their death. At other times ofthe year I sometimes try to think of those who have died that I have some sort ofconnection with. Over the years I have looked at various Christian prayers and not foundany that resonate with me. So many traditions have prayers for the faithful of that religioustradition and I am looking more for prayers for people I know who haven't had much of areligious tradition in their lives but I still want to pray for them, in the way that your prayerfor your brother prayed for him as the being he was.

In your book you have the prayer you wrote for your brother and the recitation for invokingthe power of the truth, both of which seem more appropriate for the time around the actualdeath than for anniversaries and years later.

Is there some translated-into-understandable-language-to-my-Western-ears liturgy for thedead that you could suggest to me?

Lama Shenpen: This is an interesting request. I am thinking about it. There is no liturgy Iknow of as such but I will think of something that might be suitable for such an anniversary.

Traditionally what you would do is to treat the anniversary day as an occasion for doingthings that accumulated punya that could be dedicated for the person who has died suchas lighting candles and incense on the shrine, doing prostrations, taking Refuge and theBodhisattva vow and reciting some liturgy that included the seven branches of prayer. Youcould recite the Samantabhadracharyapranidhana for example. That would be wonderful.

Book: "There’s More to Dying than Death", a Buddhist perspective, published by Windhorsepublications.

Punya: Positive energy that by dedication to the benefit and Enlightenment of others is the source andmeans of the energy to realise Buddhahood.

Samantabhadracharyapranidhana: A Pranidhana is a ‘wishing prayer’ and this one issaid to be ‘the King of Pranidhanas, the greatest authoritative textual source ofpranidhanas, drawing together into one text the three functions of pranidhana, which are:

Firstly, through listening to it, to arouse the faith of sincerely believing in the meaning andpurpose of the pranidhana.

Secondly, through reflecting on it, to arouse the joy of realising it is capable of fulfilment.

Finally, through meditating on it, to arouse the joy of knowing the nature of SupremeEnlightenment’.

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Facing Death

A good life is one in which we have honoured what matters. Everything else will have to gowhen we die, so we can prepare by being kind to ourselves and doing whatever willconnect us to the path to Awakening, such as rememberieng Refuge.

Student: I have a life-threatening illness, and it has been making me think about my life.My question is what is a good enough life and how can I live it in whatever time I have left?

Lama Shenpen: The best life is one in which we have learnt to let go of what doesn’tmatter and value and honour what does - what connects us and leads us towardsAwakening. Your life is about making that connection, making important pranidhanas*,taking Refuge and remembering it often, and linking in as best you can to the Bodhisattvamotivation.

If working through our study materials helps with that - then do that. And stop still for a fewminutes often - just to collect yourself and link into the openness, clarity and sensitivity ofyour being. It is always there.

Student: Today I have woken up feeling anxious and stressed, I try the things I can toquiet and calm myself, like a guided relaxation and a walk, but I still feel like I am pluggedinto some high voltage system that is keeping me at frantic levels of mental activity. I find itunbearable to try to sit in meditation.

Lama Shenpen: Yes - that seems to be what adrenalin does once we reach a certain levelof anxiety. It is not the end of the world, it calms down eventually - the best is to not panic.Sometimes medication helps. Keep remembering the Refuge and linking into some kind ofdeeper confidence - a confidence more to do with trust and the heart, less with thethinking.

The fear is about trying to hold on to what cannot be held on to. It is all going to have togo. It is necessary to learn to let it go because it’s going to go anyway.

Don't try to sit in meditation for more than a few minutes (or even one minute) when youfeel like that. Find something calming to do - sometimes it helps to be near open water, outin nature - do you find that?

Student: I am afraid of dying, of being shown up for the mess I am, and of leaving mychildren uncared for.

Lama Shenpen: No need to worry about people seeing the mess - there is no precept

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against leaving a mess - you can just apologize to the person who has to sort it out. It isdesperately sad to die before one’s children are grown up but life goes on. They have theirown karma and all you can do is try to link them to Dharma - which somehow you havedone anyway, just because it is so important to you already.

Your life will always be more than merely a failure. It is what you are that matters - notwhat you have or haven’t done. If you have done anything wrong or negative, pray forforgiveness and resolve to never do it again - make prayers that in future lives you will beable to make up for it again and again.

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How do we Know the Buddha?

Lama Shenpen responds to a student's question as to what it means to come in contactwith the Buddha and how we experience it.

Student: As a student of Buddhism we have a personal connection to our sangha. Wecome in contact with the other people in the sangha and we respond to their example. Wealso come in contact with the dharma teachings. In both of these things both as anexample and a teacher bearing the dharma we also come in direct contact with our guru.

But what about the Buddha? What does it mean to come in contact with the Buddha andhow do we experience this? It seems that we feel the echoes of the Buddha within thedharma and sangha, but we don't have a direct contact with the Buddha. Unless it is in ourown experiences of uncovering the nature of reality and sanity and we imagine that theBuddha is in that direction but has gone 'all the way' to wisdom and compassion. But wewould almost have to be a Buddha to know the Buddha?

Lama Shenpen: We would have to be a Buddha to truly know the Buddha....... but themeaning of arriving at the first bhumi is to see the Buddhas face to face........ soBodhisattvas on the Bhumis see the Buddha.

In fact there is a very important study by Peter Masefield called Divine Revelation in PaliBuddhism about how originally Right View referred to directly encountering the Dharma inthe presence of the Buddha......the Buddha being the Dharma in effect. The Shravaka wasthe one who encountered the Buddha in this way and truly saw the Buddha. It was trulyastounding and awesome.

Student: Today I was reading your book on death and dying and I thought that it would beimportant to think about this in order to form the right kind of karmic connections andintentions. So that you could be reborn in a world in which a Buddha had given histeachings and they were still taught.

Does this make sense and could you say something about it?

Lama Shenpen: Yes absolutely. That is why I include the two last areas of pranidhana andconnections in the Living the Awakened Heart booklet. The way to form those karmicconnections is pranidhanas (especially the Samantabhadracharyapranidhana* and the MahamudraPranidhana of Rangjung Dorje).

The whole point is to ensure that you are reborn in a world in which a Buddha has giventeachings and they are still taught...........and also so that we have the capacity to relate tothe teachings in the right way and be able to understand, practice and realise them. Onecan make aspiration prayers ones whole practice by noticing whenever we fall short of ourRefuge and Bodhisattva vows and then having acknowledged that falling short make astrong aspiration prayer never to fall short like that again and keep resolving like that again

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and again - 'May I in future be able to practice equanimity like all the great Bodhisattvas inthe past, those of the present and to come'.........or whatever other pranidhana we want tomake.

'May I in future rejoice in the qualities of my teachers and Dharma companions and servethem with respect so that their qualities arise also in me.'

And so on - endless pranidhanas!

Once you understand deeply that the Buddha nature is all pervading and time and spaceare illusory - then clearly the Buddha is truly present at all times and we are constantly inthe presence of the Buddha. The Guru who points out to us the true essence of our being,that very Buddha Nature, is the embodiment of the Buddha and acts for us like the Buddhaand is the connection we need with all the Buddhas and to treat him or her as the Buddhaenables the blessing of all the Buddhas to connect with our Buddha Nature directly.

If one can maintain pure vision like this, then the power of the adhistana of the lineage canenter our hearts with great ease. It is a matter of having the simplicity and humility and anopen and trusting heart.

It's called faith.

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Do I have to sit still in meditation?

Thinking that we have to sit still all the time might increase our tendency to be hard andaggressive towards ourselves, so it is fine to relax and move a little. As our meditationdeepens and stabilizes we will naturally tend towards stillness.

Student: A thing I've been contemplating recently is the significance of physical stillnessduring a meditation period.

At the Zen group I attend most weeks we are expected to be stock still during the 30minute meditation. If we happen to move we are asked to bow, as a gesture of respectfulacknowledgment or apology. This has had beneficial effects on my home practice as I wasbecoming rather fidgety.

In AHS although many are physically still during meditation we allow some physicalmovement. Is the thinking behind this that the need to move is a reflection of our needsand feelings and that you want us to be really in touch with these or is it something else?Your view would be appreciated.

Lama Shenpen: An interesting question. My teachers have never emphasized stillness soit doesn't occur to me to mention it. It is interesting that you find putting more emphasis onit helpful.

I suppose I have always taken the attitude that as one's meditation deepens and stabilisesone automatically tends towards stillness and if that is not happening naturally then thereis something else going wrong which needs to be looked at.

I can see a good argument for saying that to emphasise stillness would bring those kindsof problems to the surface more quickly so my answer is that I don't have any particularreason why I don't emphasise stillness.

If for example one's legs are hurting or going to sleep and it’s necessary to move them,then to have to do a bow to apologize would increase one's awareness as one moved.Having said that I have to admit I am more concerned about students getting uptight andmaking a whole big thing about moving and other people looking, rather than focusing onletting go into space, opening out and relaxing. They might end up sitting still but notnecessarily in a relaxed way.

So I guess I would have to say that I teach as I do to emphasize relaxation and to softenthe tendency so many people have to be hard and aggressive towards themselves.

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What does ego mean?

Ego is not a Buddhist term. It can be misleading in that it suggests that we need to ridourselves of a problem, rather than realizing our true nature.

Student: What is the technical meaning of the term ego?

Lama Shenpen: Well I don’t find the term ego that useful myself. I use it in the sense ofpride and ego-centricity and the ego mandala based on a false sense of self. But what it istechnically depends on the context.

It is not a Buddhist term. It’s a term that is often used in Western Buddhist writing but Ioften find it causes more confusion than help.

People start to believe they have an ego that they have to somehow get rid of. That neverwas the Buddha's teaching – he said that the body, feelings, perceptions, mental eventsand consciousness that we cling to are not the self because they are impermanent,suffering and not in our control, which is true isn’t it?

But whether the body, feelings and so on are ego or not - well I would say it’s a matter ofdefinition - how you want to define terms. But you could hardly say that they do not exist orthat we need to get rid of them.

What we need to do is to get rid of clinging to them as what they are not. They are not ourself.

I don’t know where ego comes into all that really. Maybe ego is the clinging – or maybeego is mara – I don’t know – it’s a matter of how you want to use terms I suppose.

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Is it right to want things?

Wanting things has two aspects: it is an expression of our life force, but it can also involveclinging on to things. The important thing is to stay open to everything, so that our heartenergy is not blocked and we can find creative solutions.

Student: Is it right to want things?

Lama Shenpen: Wanting to have something has two aspects. On the one hand there isthe wanting which could be inspired by the heart wish and be very positive – it’s our lifeforce.

Then the sense of wanting to have something could be heavy grasping and thinking in aclinging kind of way to ourselves as needing to have something to hold on to or to satisfyour wish to hold on to something.

Maybe this is what we might call ego clinging and it causes all our problems. But wantingsomething in itself is actually positive. You have some kind of goal or sense of directionyou want to move in and it requires opening to receive what is happening and coming tous.

Some of that is important and helpful and so we need to respond by allowing it in - likefood or friendship or whatever. Other things we respond to by finding ways around them -such as difficulties in life, pain and unhappiness. The not wanting these things is oursensitivity and responsiveness and inspires us to find solutions and other directions.

The problem starts when we try to shut off our experience of things we don’t like - try toavoid the experience all together - even pretending it’s not happening.Then we don’t makethe right moves in terms of giving up attachment and finding creative solutions. This iswhat blocks the heart energy.

So it’s important to acknowledge and appreciate what you don’t want as much as enjoyingwhat you do want - and not minding the pain. Let the pain and frustration be what they are- they are the life force seeking inspiration and a good direction to flow in - so you need thepain. You need to not mind the pain.

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It's not about self-improvement

The qualities of our true being bubble up when we trust our experience and stop trying tofix it. This is scary but we don't need to let that scary feeling run our lives. It is fine to benothing.

Student: How do I perfect my ego, given that wanting to be perfect comes from ego in thefirst place?

Lama Shenpen: There is no idea in Buddhism such as perfecting the ego. There is theidea that we have Buddha Nature - which means the essential nature of all our experienceis openness clarity and sensitivity. We can discover that is the nature of our experience atany moment and we can learn to trust that and by trusting it we let go of ego-clinging - welet go of clinging to what is actually false and brings us suffering.

By letting go like that the qualities of our true being bubble up spontaneously without ushaving to do anything. So there is no big project at self-improvement - of polishing our egoso that we produce a better brighter version of ourselves. It feels quite the opposite.

It feels like we are just becoming more simple open and honest - and strangely by thatprocess all sorts of wonderful qualities seem to just well up in spite of ourselves!

Student: I am afraid that if I aligned with my heart wish some dreadful thing will happen asa result.

Lama Shenpen: Yes there is always that creepy feeling isn’t there? There is always thatcreepy feeling that if we opened up and were completely honest somehow it would turn outto be terrible - maybe we would find that we weren’t anything - we were simply - well - itstoo dreadful to even think of!!!!

I advise you to turn towards that creepy feeling and challenge it. Don’t let it run your life. Itis nothing but a creepy feeling - a fear of having nothing to cling on to. The good news isthat actually you don’t need anything to cling on to and that the discovery of opennessalthough at first alarming - is in fact only good news.

It’s wonderful news. It’s fine to be nothing.

It’s absolutely fine - letting yourself be nothing is just another way of saying letting go ofclinging. All the good qualities will bubble up by themselves if you can dare to be nothing,and if you are desperate enough you will dare!

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About Lama Shenpen Hookham

Shenpen Hookham is the Principal Teacher of Discovering the Heart of Buddhism.

In the 1970s she went to India on the advice of Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, where shelived among the Tibetans as a nun for six years. There she studied and meditated inretreat under the guidance of Tibetan teachers such as Karma Thinley Rinpoche, BokarRinpoche and Kalu Rinpoche. In 1978 HH the Karmapa, head of the Kagyu tradition ofTibetan Buddhism, instructed her to return to the West to teach.

There she met Khenpo Tsultrim Gyamtso Rinpoche, who became her main teacher. Shealso met her husband, Rigdzin Shikpo, whom she taught alongside for twenty years andwho has been a great source of inspiration and guidance for her. In all she has spent nineyears in retreat, and Khenpo Rinpoche is so well satisfied with her understanding andmeditation experience that he has encouraged her, as lama, to teach and transmitMahamudra, the innermost teachings of the Kagyu tradition.

Shenpen is fluent in Tibetan and has translated a number of Tibetan texts into English forher students. On Khenpo Rinpoche's instructions she produced a seminal study of theprofound Buddha Nature doctrines of Mahayana Buddhism, published as The BuddhaWithin, and gained a doctorate in this from Oxford University.

Since then, Khenpo Rinpoche and Rigdzin Shikpo have encouraged Shenpen to developher teaching activity further. Thus she created Discovering the Heart of Buddhism over aperiod of more than seven years. Students inspired by her teaching formed the AwakenedHeart Sangha, a spiritual community under her direction.

Shenpen now spends most of her time in semi-retreat at the Hermitage of the AwakenedHeart, in Wales, UK. From there she comes out regularly to teach, as well as givinginterviews and advice to students in person and over the phone, by letter and by email.

Khenpo Tsultrim Gyamtso Rinpoche is one of the foremost living teachers of the Kagyutradition of Tibetan Buddhism, a great scholar and master of meditation who travels theworld teaching in Buddhism centres everywhere.

In his late teens and early twenties he trained as a yogin in Tibet with a local yogin knownas Zopa Tharchin, who was later killed by the Chinese. He spent his early youth in retreatin the mountains until his teacher told him to study for the benefit of others. A renownedscholar, he excels in philosophical debate and always aims to turn the minds of hisopponents and students towards their own inner experience rather than getting lost inintellectual fabrications.

After the Chinese invasion of Tibet Khenpo Rinpoche fled to India in 1960. He spent manyyears in Bhutan as a wandering yogin, meditating in caves and hermitages. In 1975 hewas asked by the head of the Kagyu tradition to come and be Abbot of the main Kagyucentre in the West, in France. However he asked instead to be allowed to travel and helppeople everywhere.

He has done that ever since, leading a truly simple, homeless life; he is a master of non-attachment. He has many times refused to accept property to build Buddhist centres andhe regularly gives away all of his money. Khenpo Rinpoche demonstrates the carefree lifeof a yogin, singing spontaneous songs of realisation wherever he goes, devoted only tothe welfare of others.

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Rigdzin Shikpo sometimes teaches on Discovering the Heart of Buddhism. He met hismain teacher Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche in 1965, who gave him extensive instruction inboth the preliminary and main practices of Dzogchen, the innermost teachings of theNyingma tradition. Rigdzin Shikpo practised these teachings for the next 35 years in themidst of an ordinary life as a mathematician and physicist.

On Trungpa Rinpoche's instructions Rigdzin Shikpo also began to teach, which he hasnow been doing for thirty-five years, making him one of the most experienced Westernteachers of Buddhism. Trungpa Rinpoche also encouraged Rigdzin Shikpo to receiveteachings from other Tibetan teachers, and as a result he developed deep connectionswith H.H. Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche, H.H. Dudjom Rinpoche, Ngagkpa Yeshe Dorje andKhenpo Tsultrim Gyamtso Rinpoche.

Since Trungpa Rinpoche's death in 1987, Khenpo Tsultrim Gyamtso Rinpoche has beenRigdzin Shikpo's main source of advice and inspiration. Khenpo Rinpoche is so wellsatisfied with his understanding and meditation experience that he has encouraged him,as lama, to teach and transmit Dzogchen. In 1993 he completed a 3 year retreat, and atthat time Khenpo Rinpoche gave him the name Rigdzin Shikpo in recognition of hisrealisations.

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