Understanding The Grieving Process What to Say to The Grieving or Traumatized Resist the Urge to Preach The Ministry of Presence Silence is not awkward it can be healing Never make it about you

Helping The Grief Stricken and Traumatized

There is no right or wrong way to grieve Grief is NOT orderly The stages are NOT predictable or are they

in order Quoting scriptures is NOT good at the onset

of the tragedy Be empathetic and patient Take care of the natural needs first (water,

tissues, coffee, hugs, food…etc There are NO quick fixes to grief

Understanding the Grieving Process

“You’ll get over this” “God is too wise to make a mistake” “Praise God they were saved” “All things work together for the good” Never tell someone HOW they should feel! Never over stay your welcome, if they want

to be alone LET THEM! Don’t be offended if they want their own

clergy support and not you.

Never ever do or say these things when you arrive on the scene…..

Fear, Guilt, Anger, and Despair are NORMAL They may scream, wail, and yes even curse.

Curse the doctors, curse the police, and yes even curse GOD.

Never take a grieving persons actions personally.

Grief May involve Extreme Behaviors

Loss of a companionship Loss of Income Loss of a lifestyle Loss of someone's love

When a drastic change in ones life takes place the thought of the future can be overwhelming.

Death is NOT the ONLY Issue

Acknowledge the Situation: “I heard your_____died” Don’t be afraid to use the D Word!

Express your concern: “I am sorry to hear they died”

Be Genuine: “I don’t know what to say, just know that I am sorry”

Offer your Support: “Are you hungry? Can I get you something to eat?”

What to say?

Ask them they how they feel Don’t judge their feelings Ask permission to pray never assume that

the family embraces faith or religion. Don’t be overly touchy with strangers, they

may not like being touched or held.

Don’t Assume Things

Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can occur after you have been through a traumatic event. A traumatic event is something terrible and scary that you see, hear about, or that happens to you:

Combat exposure Child sexual or physical abuse Terrorist attack Sexual or physical assault Serious accidents, like a car wreck Natural disasters, like a fire, tornado, hurricane, flood, or

earthquake Violent death of a loved one Witnessing a tragedy

What is PTSD?

Depression Lack of Sleep Hyper Active Behavior Road Rage Paranoia Fits of Rage Crying for no apparent reason Suicidal Tendancies

What are The Symptoms?

1. Military Vets – 1 in 4 Homeless men over 40 are Vets.

2. Homeless People in General (exposure to the elements, violence, lack of food, and unsafe sexual activity.

3. People that work/live in high crime areas 4. Law Enforcement personnel and First

Responders /EMT 5. People in Nursing Homes and Mental Health

facilities. 6. Abused Spouses 7. Abused Children

People Affected by PTSD

Most people who go through a trauma have some symptoms at the beginning. Only some will develop PTSD over time. It isn't clear why some people develop PTSD and others don't.

Whether or not you get PTSD depends on many things:

How intense the trauma was or how long it lasted If you were injured or lost someone important to you How close you were to the event How strong your reaction was How much you felt in control of events How much help and support you got after the event

How Does PTSD Develop?

Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can occur after you have been through a traumatic event. A traumatic event is something terrible and scary that you see, hear about, or that happens to you, like:

Combat exposure Child sexual or physical abuse Terrorist attack Sexual or physical assault Serious accidents, like a car wreck Natural disasters, like a fire, tornado, hurricane, flood, or

earthquake Violent death of a loved one Witnessing a tragedy

PTSD in The Inner City

Sadly, there is no way to make sure your child does not face community violence. However, we do know some of the factors that add to a child's risk for coming into contact with community violence:

Living in poor, inner-city areas. Being in a gang or using alcohol or drugs. Living in a home with domestic (family) violence. Males see more community violence than do

females and are at more risk for physical attacks. Females are at more risk for sexual assault. Senior Citizens that live alone.

Who is at Risk?

Be present and empathetic Do NOT be judgmental Offer the physical aid of the church (food,

clothing, and shelter if possible) Network with other agencies and develop

relationships that strengthen your ability to give assistance.

Be willing to work with churches and faiths other than your own.

What can Clergy Do?