Help! I’m in an Abusive Relationship

PowerPoint Slideshow #6

A workshop for individuals with

disabilities and low English literacy

What are the Ground Rules?

1. Please turn off your cell-phone.

2. No one has to talk if they do not want to.

3. Be respectful. No laughing or put downs.

4. One person talks at a time.

5. No interruptions.

Are there any other ground rules that you would like to have here today?

Unit ? Help! I’m in an Abusive Relationship

What You Will Learn

1. Why it can be hard to leave an abusive

relationship

2. Ways to stay safe if you leave an abusive

relationship

From the out-side it may seem like an easy choice to leave an abusive relationship but it is not that easy.

Ending an Abusive Relationship

In an abusive relationship the abuse could get more and more dangerous, even more if they think you will leave.

Even if they say that they are sorry and that it will never happen again, most times it is more likely to get worse instead of better.

Trust your gut.

If you feel like you are being treated badly, then you probably are.

If you feel like you are not safe, then you probably are in danger.

Abusive Relationship

A relationship where one person holds

all the power and control over the

other person.

If some-thing inside tells you to get away from your partner, do it!

Ending an Abusive Relationship

It could be time to go if your partner:

• Does not take responsibility for the abuse

• Says that they will not get professional help

• Has become more and more abusive

• Hits, pushes, or hurts you more often as time goes on

• Injures you more seriously

• Says they will kill you or them-self if you leave the relationship

PartnerAnother word for boy-friend or girl-

friend. It is the person

some-one is dating.

Leaving the RelationshipIf these things happen in your relationship you are in danger.

Even if you decide your relationship is unhealthy or abusive, it does not mean it will be easy to end.

You may feel pressure from your friends and family to break up with your boy-friend or girl-friend, but it usually is not that simple.

Here are some-things to think about if you might want to leave an abusive relationship.

• It may not be safe to leave the relationship. If you leave, the abuser will lose their power and control. They will try any-thing to get it back. It does not mean you should stay, it just means you have to be safe.

Abuser A person who is abusive in a relationship.

Leaving the Relationship• Your partner is probably a big part of your life.

You may see more of them than you do your friends or family.

• Being scared about feeling alone after a break up is normal. You can try talking to friends or finding new activities to make this change easier.

• You will miss your partner after you break up. Try writing down the reasons you ended it and keep the list for later on.

• If your partner is controlling they could be making a lot of decisions for you. It can take time to get used to making your own decisions again.

• You may be scared to end the relationship. If you are, take that fear seriously. Ending a relationship with an abusive or controlling person is not the same as ending a healthy relationship.

Why it is Hard to Leave and Why People StayIn an abusive relationship some-times it is very hard to leave.

From the out-side it seems like an easy choice, if some-one is mean to you, treats you bad or is hurting you, you leave.

But it is not that simple.

Here are some reasons that some-one might stay in an abusive relationship:

• Love

• Promises

• Safety

• Guilt

• “No one would believe me”

• “I can change them”

• Low self-esteem

Self-Esteem How you feel about your-self.

Brick Wall

Make a list of reasons why you might stay in a relationship.

Write those reasons on this picture in your workbook:

Look at this brick wall with those reasons written on it.

This is how it feels for many people who are in an abusive relationship.

When trying to leave all of these reasons are like a brick wall in the way!

If you decide it is time to leave an abusive relationship it is not easy and it can also be dangerous.

Here are some things you can do to help you get out of an abusive relationship.

• Make sure you are physically safe

• Know that the abuse is not your fault

• Tell some-one you trust

• Find out more about abuse in relationships

• Find out what help is out there for you

• Get professional help

• Take care of your-self

How to Get Help

Getting Help

Here are some safety ideas to “break-up” and leave an abusive relationship.

• If you do not feel safe, do not beak up with them in person.

• If you choose to break up in person, try to do it in a public place.

• Do not try to explain why you are ending the relationship more than once.

• Let your friends and family know you are breaking up.

• If your ex comes to your house when you are alone, do not go to the door.

• Trust your-self.

• Ask for help.

Safe Break-Ups

Just because an abusive relationship is over, that does not mean you are safe from your ex boy-friend or girl-friend.

Here are some ideas to help you stay safe after ending your relationship:

• Know your emergency safety plan

• Talk with your friends about what you are going through so they can support you

• Keep a cell phone with you and make a plan of what you can do if you see your ex and you are scared

• If you ever feel you are in danger, call 911

Remember these are just ideas to try and keep you safe.

If you do get hurt it is not your fault.

After Breaking Up

After a break-up

Because leaving an abusive relationship can be very dangerous some-times it is good to have a safety plan.

If you choose to stay in an abusive relationship remember that your safety is important, so it is good to have a plan.

Abuse can get worse if your boy-friend or girl-friend finds out that you are trying to leave.

Safety Planning

Safety PlanA plan that tells you how to get help if

you are being abused or if you are

afraid that you might be abused.

Safety Planning

Safety Plan

Every safety plan is different for every person’s different situation.

What you can do as a part of your safety plan:

• If you can, try to get some money or have some money hidden in a safe place in case you need to leave fast

• Know where your important documents are

• Do you have some-where safe to go?

• If it is safe, have a bag packed in case you need to leave on short notice

• Ask someone you trust to keep your bag at their house

If you are in danger in your relationship and you need a safety plan please try and get help from an expert, help is available.

Staying StrongBreak-ups are hard.

Lots of things will remind you of the relationship: pictures, places you hung out, memories.

In an abusive relationship where you have been worn down emotionally and scared physically it can be even harder.

After getting out of an abusive relationship it can feel like your whole world has been turned upside down.

It is normal to feel sad, lonely, and even depressed.

Staying StrongHere are some-things that can help you stay strong after you get out of an abusive relationship.

• Build a strong support network.

• Having a strong support network will help you so that when things seem like they are too hard to handle, they can help you out

• Seeing a counsellor can help because then you have some-one who you can regularly talk to about what you are feeling and how you are doing

• Follow your dreams.

• Being in an abusive relationship can take away the chance to follow your dreams and do the things you love.

• Go out and have fun, meet new people and do the things that you wanted to do but maybe could not do while in your relationship.

Story-telling

Make up a story of an abusive situation.

• It could include things like:

• warning signs

• the cycle of violence

• resistance

• The story can be told in any way: written, recorded, comic book, collage or video.

• You can tell the whole story of an abusive relationship or just focus in on one part.

• The story can be told from the point of view of the person being abused, the abuser or a friend or family member.

• You can make up the entire story or find an example in the media and finish it off your-self.

Post-test and Program Evaluation

If you would like to test the knowledge of the learners please check out the Post Test.

Also, please evaluate the program so that we know what works well with this program – and what changes could help

make it and future programs better.

Thanks!

The Dating Violence Awareness Program was created by Vecova Research Services.

This video was made possible with funding from the TELUS community fund and the Canadian Women’s Foundation.