Healthy Relationships

Pajama Girls

Healthy Relationships • Treating each other with

respect • Letting each other have

different opinions • Freely voicing thoughts,

feelings and opinions • Taking responsibility for

your own choices • Freedom to spend time

with friends and family

• Controlling behavior • Extreme jealousy • Explosive temper • Constant criticism • Giving orders • Using force or violence

to solve problems • Possessive of time spent

with family and friends

Unhealthy Relationships

What are the signs of:

Healthy or Unhealthy?

Healthy or Unhealthy?

Other examples of healthy and unhealthy relationships

How are they healthy or unhealthy?

Relationship Abuse

Abuse in a relationship is behavior that one person uses over and over again to get and keep POWER and CONTROL

over another person.

Power and Control

Cycle of Violence

When somebody abuses, they DO NOT have a problem with anger … They want power and control!

Examples of Abuse? • Pushing, shoving, pinching. • Crossing boundaries, taking advantage. • Name-calling, put downs. • Threats, silent treatment, lying, spreading rumors • One person is always making decisions and not

listening to other person’s ideas. • Always following you around, lots of texting or

calling, showing up when you don’t expect it. • Hurting a pet to get back at someone. • Not letting you hang out with friends or family, or

making them feel bad if they do.

Other forms of Abuse:

•Constant texting or calling

•Sexting

•Checking up on you constantly through Facebook , email..…

Text Montster

What happens to me if I abuse my girlfriend or boyfriend?

• Abuse is against the law! • If you threaten violence or get violent

with your partner, you are committing a crime.

• Anybody over the age of 10 who abuses their partner can be arrested for domestic violence.

• Domestic Violence Crimes= Mandatory Arrest

Warning Signs

• Extreme jealousy (sometimes mistaken for love)

• Treats you like you “belong” to him or her.

• Tells you how to dress, who you can talk to.

Crossing the Line

• Always blames somebody else for bad behavior, like it’s somebody else’s fault.

• Thinks girls are supposed to be weak and need a boy for everything.

• Thinks boys should be strong and in control all the time.

• Makes excuses.

Warning Signs

• FORCING anything (keeping you in a room, car, blocking your way out, holding you down, physical force against you)

• Breaking things, throwing objects

Warning Signs

• Explosive temper

• Gets mad at small stuff

• Unpredictable mood swings

• Lying to make you feel confused or crazy

Warning Signs

Saying NO! • Physical/Emotional Boundaries • It’s ok to say “NO” without fear of

consequences. • Can you disagree with someone without

fear of consequences? • Are you able to make moral decisions

without fear of consequences? • Is it important to be able to say NO?

How would you help a victim?

• Listen and believe what they tell you.

• Don’t blame them or ask questions or make comments that sound like they could offend her or him.

• Don’t say that their partner is a bad person. The abusive behavior is bad, but not the person.

• Keep communication open. Always be there for them.

• Offer to go with her/him for help.

• Call the police if you see something dangerous.

How would you help an abuser?

• Tell him/her that their behavior is not OK-it shows the person has a problem and needs help.

• Don’t say that they are bad – only the behavior is bad.

• Offer to go with him/her to get help.

• Tell a teacher, counselor, parents, SRO, hotline. • Call the police. It may get them the help he/she needs.

If abuse is happening at home

• Abuse between your parents or relatives is not your fault. The abuser is choosing this behavior.

• Talk with an adult you trust. Ask for help. • If it’s safe, spend time with the victim - letting them know

you are worried for their safety. Tell them there is help. • In an emergency, dial 9-1-1. • Call LEVI or Safe Shelter of St. Vrain Valley to find out about

resources for ending the abuse.

• Messages in the Media can influence what you think is a Healthy/Unhealthy Relationship Music and Music Videos Movies T.V. Shows Commercials/Advertisements Books

Food for Thought

Top 10: Songs with UnHealthy Relationship Ingredients (2011)

Song Title Artist Score Marvin's Room Drake 33 What the Hell Avril Lavigne 30 Backseat New Boyz feat. The Cataracs and Dev 30 Down on Me Jeremih feat. 50 Cent 28 Moves Like Jagger Maroon 5 feat. Christina Aguilera 25 Bow Chicka Wow Wow Mike Posner feat. Lil Wayne 24 Nothing The Script 23

Give Me Everything Pitbull feat. Ne-Yo Afro Jack & Nayer 22

Workout J. Cole 19

Judas Lady Gaga 18

Top 10: Songs with Healthy Relationship Ingredients (2011)

Song Title Artist Score I Won't Let Go Rascal Flatts 40 God Gave Me You Blake Shelton 38

Stereo Heart Gym Class Heroes feat. Adam Levine 35

I Love You This Big Scotty McCreery 33 You Make Me Feel Cobra Star Ship feat. Sabi 31 Sure Thing Miguel 30 Honey Bee Blake Shelton 30 Just a Kiss Lady Antebellum 30 I Do Colbie Caillat 28

Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not Thompsan Square 26

The Twighlight Saga What is Love?

Obsession

Possessiveness

Jealousy

Threats

Pressure

Stalking

Mood swings

Lies

Isolation

Changing who you are

Orders and commands

Dangerous

Teen Mom

Outlets for Support

• Friends • Teachers • Counselors • Safe Shelter of St. Vrain Valley

– Counseling, advocacy, safety planning, support – 24 hour crisis line: 303-772-4422 – www.SafeShelterTERA.org - Text: 720-340-TERA

• LEVI (Longmont Ending Violence Initiative) – Non-emergency info and referrals: 303-774-4534

• National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline – 1-866-331-9474

Confidentiality

Mandatory Reporters - Police - Counselors - Teachers - Doctors

Non-Mandatory Reporters – Hotlines – Woman’s Shelters – Parents

Anonymous Reporting

The Final Word