Having Courageous Conversations

When we show up to the present moment with all of our senses, we invite the world to fill us with joy. The pains of the past are behind us. The future has yet to unfold. But the now is full of beauty simply waiting for our attention.

We need a process that holds us as well as the other person.

It strengthens reflective capacity in skilled practitioners

We stay longer in the hard places.

It helps them find their way and for us to see the problem the way they see it

Firstly caring for our self

• What do you do to care for yourself?

• What could you do to care for yourself?

• What are some mindfulness strategies?

In groups

of 2

What is mindfulness vs self compassion?

• Mindfulness focuses primarily on acceptance of experience itself.

• Mindfulness asks, “What am I experiencing right now?”

• Mindfulness says, “Feel your suffering with spacious awareness.”

• Self-compassion focuses more on caring for the experiencer.

• Self-compassion asks, “What do I need right now?”

• Self-compassion says, “Be kind to yourself when you suffer.”

Mindfulness • Research suggests that when

we intentionally practise being mindful, we feel less stressed, anxious and depressed, and more balanced and in tune with what is happening inside and outside of our bodies. The resulting calm and clarity boosts wellbeing, broadens perspective and provides an important foundation for learning (Mental Health Foundation, 2019).

some people are naturally more mindful than others, and we all have times when we are more mindful than at other times. the ability to be mindful varies between people and within individuals.

When you practice mindfulness you are strengthening your ability to pay attention (Mental Health Foundation, 2019).

So why mindfulness and Self-compassion in the context of difficult conversations?

When we criticize ourselves we’re tapping into the body’s threat-defense system (sometimes referred to as our reptilian brain). Among the many ways we can react to perceived danger, the threat-defense system is the quickest and most easily triggered. This means that self-criticism is often our first reaction when things go wrong.

Paying attention to our self

How do our values, attitudes, beliefs, concerns shape and limit the way we assess and intervene?How do our experiences shape practice?What do we expect?What do we assume?What responsibility are we feeling and placing on the other?What are our ‘blind spots’ ‘hot spots’?

Prepare your self how am I and what do I need to do to be

truly present?

Looking around us

• Notice the social, political and structural elements that shape the situation, the people in the situation and our expectations and responses

• How is power operating?• Whose interests

predominate?• How do they view you in the

relationship?

Process

At the end Reflect on the outcome and what they will take away with

them

A middle when you pause to reflect on if you are getting to what they

and you want to talk about

Have a beginning welcome

When Someone Deeply Listens To YouWhen someone deeply listens to you it is like holding out a dented cup you have had since childhood and watching it fill with cold, fresh water.When it balances on the top of the brim, you are understood. When it overflows and touches your skin, you are loved.When someone deeply listens to you the room where you stay starts a new life and the place where you wrote your first poem begins to glow in your mind’s eye. It is as if gold has been discovered!When someone deeply listens to you your bare feet are on the earth and a beloved land that seemed distant is now at home within you.-John Fox.

Taking a stance of enquiry

• Look at assumptions and preconceived views.

• What power do you have? what do they view your power as?

• Enquire about their experiences and concerns and reflect on your experiences and or concerns.

• Looks at the differences between and the commonalities to gain a mutual understanding.

It can be hard

• The time communication is most vital with a high cost to fail is when it is most likely to break down.

• Step in knowing “we can mange process”

• If we push and say “you are wrong” the other person want to push back. Alternative is not to push back instead say “so let me see what you see that I don’t see”, then ask them “can I show you what I see that you may not see”

• How they feel and how we relate is primary then context and content

The Aim; I-We-It

• Want to feel good about self (I),

• want to relate to the other person(We) (open respectful and kind)

• Want to achieve goal solve problem (It)

Be empathetic

• “I don’t care how much you know until I know how much you care”. Show other person you care before they will listen to what you know

• Listen to other person fully pay attention keep quiet. Need to really understand where they are coming from and why they think that way

Agree plan and Review

• Express your view safely use the word I not imposing your opinion on them, what you think and what you feel e.g. I don’t understand what you are saying

• Engage in negotiation how can we make this safe for both of us

• Look for insights• Agree (agreement not a promise) • Plan and commitment • Evaluate how it went check the

– I (do you feel good/do they feel good)

– WE (did we relate) and – IT (did we both get what we

want )

Peer work

• In groups of 2 or 3 • Think of a courageous conversation you need to have • Role play in peers

Their capacity is built ready to find

new ways