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Have you ever wondered?
How do you take care of it when a girl is annoying you but you don’t want to be mean?
What if your best friend is being really mean to you and he won’t admit it?
What if you have a friend who is making you choose between her and another friend?
What is the point of telling someone you’re mad at them? They’ll just make more fun of you or get even madder.
I want to tell an adult this really big problem but I don’t want them to freak out.
•You feel liked by the person.
•You don’t feel that the person wants to put you down
•They will stop if you ask.
Good Teasing
• The teaser doesn't know how you feel because you won’t tell them.
Or
• They blow you off with, “I was just joking.” “You’re so sensitive!”
Unintentional Bad
Teasing
• You’re teased about something you’re insecure about.
• If you defend yourself, you’re “uptight” or threatened with ending the friendship.
• Relentless and public.
Bad Teasing/ Bullying
Drama Vs. Bullying
Bullying is using power or strength to make someone feel worthless. Usually defined as being one way.
Drama is an exciting, unexpected, emotional series of events. Always defined as a conflict where both people are actively involved and not serious or hurtful.
•Huddling together and leave someone out.
•Save seats in the cafeteria
•Inside jokes
•Secret languages
•Laughing when they ask what’s going on.
•Organizing a social activity when you know the other person you’re angry with can’t go.
What does it look like?
Telling to get someone in
trouble.
The goal is to make the
problem bigger and more
public.
Telling because the problem is
too big to solve on your own.
The goal is to right a wrong.
Snitching Reporting
vs.
SEALSEAL
STOP: STOP: Breathe, listen, and think when and Breathe, listen, and think when and where, now or later?where, now or later?
EXPLAIN:EXPLAIN: What happened that you don’t What happened that you don’t like and what you want.like and what you want.
AFFIRM:AFFIRM: Affirm and acknowledge. Affirm and acknowledge.
LOCK:LOCK: In the friendship or lock it out (and In the friendship or lock it out (and as a last resort).as a last resort).
Use SEAL When…Use SEAL When…
Someone you used to be friends with is bragging Someone you used to be friends with is bragging and putting people down and your group is and putting people down and your group is getting really tired of it.getting really tired of it.
Your mom or dad jokes with one of their friends Your mom or dad jokes with one of their friends about something you feel sensitive about.about something you feel sensitive about.
Your friends ignore you.Your friends ignore you.
The person you like is nice in private but The person you like is nice in private but obnoxious to you in public.obnoxious to you in public.
Just JokingJust JokingCarl: Hey Jason, Too bad, too sad you were picked last!Carl: Hey Jason, Too bad, too sad you were picked last!
Jason: Carl, I need to talk to you.Jason: Carl, I need to talk to you.
Carl: (Laughing) In your dreams, idiot!Carl: (Laughing) In your dreams, idiot!
Jason: Look, I know I’m not the best player…Jason: Look, I know I’m not the best player…
Carl: How about the most retarded! Carl: How about the most retarded!
Jason: I know you think it’s funny to be mean to me. I want it to stop.Jason: I know you think it’s funny to be mean to me. I want it to stop.
Carl: We’re just joking, relax!Carl: We’re just joking, relax!
Jason: You’re not joking. You’re saying just joking so you can get away with Jason: You’re not joking. You’re saying just joking so you can get away with saying mean things to me. saying mean things to me.
Carl: (Laughs, rolling his eyes) Fine I won’t joke around with you ever again! Carl: (Laughs, rolling his eyes) Fine I won’t joke around with you ever again!
Jason: I want to be able to joke around. But when I don’t like it, I want you to Jason: I want to be able to joke around. But when I don’t like it, I want you to listen to me. listen to me.
Carl: Sorry! (Laughing and then walks away)Carl: Sorry! (Laughing and then walks away)
Stop: Hanging out after schoolStop: Hanging out after school
Explain: When we hang out, you boss me around and put Explain: When we hang out, you boss me around and put down my ideas. It makes me not want to be with you.down my ideas. It makes me not want to be with you.
What? Name one time! That’s totally not true! What? Name one time! That’s totally not true!
Affirm: Like when I want to do something you don’t want to Affirm: Like when I want to do something you don’t want to do you make fun of it. And you don’t have to agree with me do you make fun of it. And you don’t have to agree with me but that’s what I feel and you can’t disagree with that. but that’s what I feel and you can’t disagree with that.
Well how am I supposed to know any of this? You always say, Well how am I supposed to know any of this? You always say, “Whatever I don’t care.” “Whatever I don’t care.”
Affirm: You’re right but I’m working on it. I’m trying right now. Affirm: You’re right but I’m working on it. I’m trying right now.
Why are you making such a big deal out of this? You’re being Why are you making such a big deal out of this? You’re being so weird!so weird!
Lock: Because real friends tell each other what they’re Lock: Because real friends tell each other what they’re thinking. thinking.
My Relationship RightsList the three rights that are most important to you in a relationship or friendship.
1.
2.
3.
My Deal BreakersList three ways that someone could treat you where you would consider ending the friendship/relationship.
1.
2.
3.
You are being forced to choose a friend
Stop: Put your bad feelings to words. Prepare to have conversation.
Explain: I don’t like that you’re making me choose between you and Sarah.
Request: I’m not asking you to be friends with Sarah too. I want to be friends with you and Sarah.
Affirm: I really want you as my friend and I want you to be able to talk to me when you’re mad about something.
Lock: This was really hard and I was really nervous about talking to you but I really want to keep our friendship so I was willing to take the chance.
Finding My AllyMy top 3 choices for an ally are:
1.
2.
3.
Finding My AllyQualities I’m looking for in an ally include:
1. Opinionated but not judgmental
2. Honest
3. Reliable
• Include others• Stand up for others• Admit mistakes• Treat people with dignity when
they’re angry • Apologize sincerely
Getting It RightGetting It Right
Want to Reach Me?
Email: [email protected]
Phone: 202.545.0633
Web: rosalindwiseman.com
Facebook: Search “Rosalind Wiseman” and join my Page
YouTube: Search “Rosalind Wiseman” and subscribe to RPWinc Channel
Twitter: www.twitter.com/rosalindwiseman
05/16/11 Copyright 2010 RPW Inc.
