Hall of Fame of Us/Hall of Fame of Them

Hall of Fame of Us/Hall of Fame of ThemAuthor(s): John D'AgataSource: Fourth Genre: Explorations in Nonfiction, Vol. 2, No. 1 (Spring 2000), pp. 31-37Published by: Michigan State University PressStable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/41938514 .

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Hall of Fame of Us/Hall of Fame of Them

i

The following two essays appear mid-way through a long series of essays titled "Hall of Fame: An Essay about the Ways in Which We Matter a 200-page meditation on the American hall of fame. Some of the halls of fame depicted in the series are real, others are not. The following do not exist as institutions thereof but they do exist in time and space. There are currently Í 44 halls of fame in the United States.

Hall of Fame of Us

Rachel, Nevada

(Rte. 375 y " The Extraterrestrial Highway")

Ergo the town.

Ergo, also, the fence.

Most of Rachel, Nevada, lives near this fence.

Come dusk, at the Little Ale 'Inn, the town gets drunk on talk about the fence.

So-and-so peeping over the fence.

Such-and-such sneaking around the fence.

The fence and the blight of fascist American conspiracies.

Etc.

On the other side, at night, sometimes a white Jeep stalks the desert, sometimes a black jet zips the sky.

Always in bunkers and warehoused in vaults, alien captives are crying out.

If we could only get inside of Area 5 1 , say the townspeople of Rachel - popu- lation 91 - we could save the aliens, and thus save ourselves.

31



32 Fourth Genre

In the meantime, at least, we know that they are near.

We know, for example, of five ships docked somewhere on the other side -

although we have our suspicions of six.

We know of two bunkers above ground, innumerable bunkers below.

We know Roswell, Atlantis, Bermuda Triangle . . .

We know that they are kind.

They want to take us with them.

We know a lot, in fact. Just not enough.

Not, at least, till we're on the other side.

Visiting the bar one early afternoon, I asked the waitress what she'd recom- mend.

"Alienburger." No doubt about it.

"It's a green-dyed patty," she said.

"Green?"

"Don't worry, hon," she added with a smile.

"You can tell it's not real.

"Real alien meat, of course, is greener."

Hall of Fame of Them

Rachel, Nevada

One half of one of these thirty-five trailers hitched alongside the Little Ale'Inn is available for rent to any stranger.

That's us.

For thirty-one dollars: dinner tonight.

Towels, shampoo.

Air conditioning, Bible.

All the videos we want.



John D'Agata 33

Videos?

"Darling, where do you think you are?" the waitress asks us when we check into the room.

"TV reception sucks to high heaven out here.

"The only time it's not lousy is when something's flying overhead.

"And at that point I don't care who you are - scaredy-cat, believer, skeptic, whatever.

"If you're not convinced after Baywatch comes on in Icelandic or some shit . . . well, I don't care who you are, there's just definitely something wrong with you, then."

Tonight the early bird is T-bone steak.

Corn.

RoH.

Mashed or fries.

We are watching - we five early birds in Rachel tonight - the owner of the Little Ale 'Inn on Larry King.

"So you thought, 'Heck, if this thing ever happens to me again,"' says Larry live, '"then next time I'm gonna be prepared!"'

"Right," says the owner.

"So you did what?"

"I bought insurance."

"She bought insurance!"

The first in America to be covered for abductions.

"Bet now we're gonna need more help," the cashier predicts, folding black T- shirts with gold saucer contrails:

RACHEL , EARTH!

A commercial comes on.

The kitchen bell's rung.



34 Fourth Genre

Someone gets up and goes into the broom closet.

Someone gets up and goes out the screen door.

A woman stands up and walks behind the pine bar.

She sits back down with a Bud Light and a Bud.

"So who's going out tonight?" a boy bounds in and starts yelling at the crowd.

"Who's going out, cause I wanna go out!"

He has been watching and following for the past three nights a certain blue light in the western sky.

"If anyone wants to see it," tapping a long finger on my table as he says, "there'll be no charge."

"Just promise to let me drive," he adds.

Together the teen-age boy and I go crashing through the evening sage.

All along the perimeter of Area 51 - the nonexistent military base beside which Rachel lies - whizzing metal white posts pass.

DO NOT TRESPASS.

GOVERNMENT PROPERTY.

USE OF DEADLY FORCE.

Etc.

"They got, like, miles of bunkers in there," he says.

"Ships, bodies, you name it.

"Bodies?" I ask. "You've seen bodies?"

"Well, no," says the boy.

"But they're so secret about everything in there, it automatically gives them away.

"Ya know?"

The best spot for spying on the base's activities has recently been absorbed by a new land ordinance that stretches the government's holdings five miles around the base.



John D'Agata 35

Spies like us have no chance these days.

"Hey," he says.

"Yeah?" I say.

"You ever trust anyone that came out just at night?"

"I guess not, no."

"Then why would you trust this government?"

Together we two tear hard into night in search of a spot from which to spy.

Behind us kicks up dust-red darkness.

Ahead there lifts up nothing from the road.

"I'm telling you - " I start thinking -

"Nothing."

Just plain black darkness.

Just stars in their courses.

Then suddenly two armed guards at the top of a hill.

We stop.

He idles.

I, getting out, start saying very quickly:

"Hi.

"We're watching stars.

"Are we on your property?

"I'm terribly sorry.

"I guess I shouldn't have let my nephew drive.

"Ha!"

The two guards look but say nothing in response.

"I'm not from around here.

"See?



36 Fourth Genre

"It's a rental.

"I'm from Boston.

"I guess we got sort of lost.

"You know . . . the dark."

They say absolutely nothing.

The two men wear blue military uniforms.

Berets.

A white Jeep idles beside them.

I see no fence.

No line in the sand.

I see that their guns are positioned on their shoulders by black triangular braces.

I see that the gun on the white Jeep's roof -

Long, black.

Beside the two guards there is another white post.

THESE GUARDS ARE AUTHORIZED TO REMOVE ALL INTRUDERS FROM UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT PROPERTY . . . THIS . . .

. . .WITHOUT . . .

. . . PRIOR CLEARANCE . . .

. . . MILITARY . . .

. . . CLEARANCE . . .

. . . TRESPASS ILLEGAL . . .

... BY DEADLY FORCE . . .

. . . THANK YOU

We are on military land.

It is now the middle of the night.

I am with a fifteen-year-old.



John D'Agata 37

He has been warned once before.

Later that night, back at the bar, I learn that, yes, if they wanted to, the two military guards could have shot at us.

I stand and look at them.

They stand and aim at me.

On our side of the line there are the car's two headlights that stretch past the guards a few feet into the night.

On their side of the line, the rest of the night. 'jm'



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Hall of Fame of Us/Hall of Fame of Them