ا$#"! QUARREL/CONFLICT

LINGUISTIC)DEFINITION.

اخلصم!one%who%quarrels%!

INHERENT)NATURE)OF)HUMAN)BEING.

Does)man)not)consider)that)We)created)him)from)a)[mere])spermEdrop)E)then)at)

once)he)is)a)clear)adversary?.36:77.

CHARACTERISTIC)OF)HUMAN)BEINGS….

And of the people is he whose speech pleases you in worldly life, and he calls Allah to witness as to what is in his heart, yet he is

the fiercest of opponents. 2:204

CAUSES)OF)QUARREL.When)somebody)speaks)against)one’s)desire.

When)somebody’s)pride)is)hurt,)basic)reason)is)arrogance.

Always)consider)oneself)right).

Consider)oneself)more)intellect)then)others.

Take)other)decisions/advise)for)granted.

Desire)to)prove)oneself)right.

Desire)to)agree)everyone)on)what)you)want.

Making)fun)of)anyone.

CONT….Abuse))someone.

Taking)things)negatively.

Listening)to)others)who)tell)what)people)have)talked)about)him/her,)in)his/her)absence,)ins)a)wrong)context..

Don’t)let)others)to)talk)and)provoke)them)to)fight.

Insult)others.

To)create)differences)among)two)because)you)don’t)want)to)see)them)together)because)of)your)personal)dispute.

Jealousy.

WHY)DOES)IT)HAPPEN?.

Arguments!

Previous)abuse!

Uncontrolled)emotions!

Lack)of)skills)and)

knowledge!

Poor)modelingE)home,)TV,)

streets,)school!

Support)for)violence!

Access)to)weapons! Drugs,)alcohol!

DISAVANTAGES)OF)CONFLICT.

Time)consuming)!

Disrupts)progress/)problem)solving!

Detracts)from)job)at)hand)!

Keeps)people)apart;)if)unresolved)!

Poor)quality,)lowers)productivity!

Reduces)team)effectiveness!

THE)ONE)ALLAH)HATES)THE)MOST….

SOURCES)OF)CONFLICT.

• Mishandling conflict in the past

• Hidden agenda • Revenge • Fighting the �last

war�

•  Fear • Dishonesty •  Boundaries • Negligence • Need to be right • Miscommunication

.)WHAT)IS– العضه

CONFLICT)STYLES.Competing)(Win/Lose)!• My)way!

Collaborating)(Win/Win)!• Our)way!

Avoiding)(Lose/Lose)!• No)Way!

Accommodating)(Lose/Win)!• Your)way!

Compromising.(Partial)Lose/Lost).“Half)Way”.

High.

Concern)for)Self.

High.Low. Concern)for)Others.

CONFLICT)STYLES.•  Avoiding (Lose – Lose)

o  When people nonassertively ignore or stay away from conflict

o  Avoidance reflects a pessimistic attitude about conflict under the belief that there is no good way to solve the problem at hand

o  Avoiding often results in lose – lose outcomes in which none of the parties get what they want

CONFLICT)STYLES.•  Accommodating (Lose –

Win) o  Occurs when you allow others to

have their way rather than asserting your point of view

o  If accommodation is a genuine act of kindness, generosity, or love, then chances are good that it will enhance the relationship

o  People from high-context, collectivist backgrounds are likely to regard avoidance and accommodating as face-saving

CONFLICT)STYLES.•  Competing (Win-Lose)

o  Occurs when there is a high level of self concern and a low level of concern for others

o  Direct Aggression •  When a communicator

expresses a criticism or demand that threatens the face of another

o  Passive Aggression •  Occurs when a

communicator expresses hostility in an obscure or manipulative way

CONFLICT)STYLES.•  Compromising (Partial

Lose – Lose) o  Gives both parties some of what

they want although both sacrifice part of their goals

o  Compromising actually negotiates a solution where both lose something

o  Some compromises do leave both parties satisfied

o  When compromises are satisfying and successful, they�re probably collaborations

CONFLICT)STYLES.•  Collaborating (Win –

Win) o  Shows a high degree of

concern for themselves as well as others

o  The goal of collaboration is to find a solution that satisfies the needs of everyone involved

o  Collaboration gives you a way of creatively finding just the right answer for your unique problem

CONFLICT)STYLES.

• Which Style to Use o  Some issues to consider

when deciding which style to use: • The relationship • The situation • The other person • Your goals

SEVERITY)OF)ABUSING)A)MUSLIM….

GET)CLOSER)TO)ALLAH….

WORST)AMONGST)PEOPLE….

WORST)AMONGST)PEOPLE….

ANOTHER)EXAMPLE.

Man%who%Abused%Abu%Bakar%(RA)!

In the light Quran and Hadith

STOP assuming that your truth is THE truth.

What is true for you is not necessarily true for another.¡

STOP insisting that other people must agree with you.

Disagreement is okay. Don’t “cross-examine” people.

STOP unconsciously assuming that anyone else will see it the way you see it.

Always check it out.

STOP invalidating other people’s experience just because it doesn’t

agree with your experience.

STOP blaming anyone else for how you feel or what happens to you.

Take full responsibility for yourself.

HIGHEST)LEVELS)OF)JANNAH!).

LEADING)TO)JANNAH)VS.)HELL)FIRE.

JANNAH)GUARANTEED?.

FEW)TIPS.

• because)we)would)be)accountable)of)every)word)we)delivered)through)our)tongue)at)the)Day)of)Judgment.

Control)our)tongue.

• the)more)you)respond)the)more)the)quarrel)will)get)prolonged)and)critical..

Don’t)respond)to)your)opponent)while)quarreling.

Be)patient.

THINGS)TO)DO.Don’t)let)people)to)manipulate)you,)best)action)is)to)ignore)for)the)sake)of)Allah)and)do)Sabr.

Accept)your)mistakes.

Try)to)give)up)quarrel)as)Prophet)PBUH)have)assured)of)a)home)in)Jannah)for)this)action.

Don’t)lie.

CONT...

Have)a)big)heart.

Don’t)tell)people)what)others)say)and)think)about)them.

Try)to)figure)out)things)in)an)Ahsan)manner.

If)you)don’t)like)someone)you)don’t)have)right)to)manipulate)others)so)that)they)quarrel)with)that)person)and)also)stop)taking)to)him.

CONT...Don’t)take)things)negatively,)always)try)to)seek)a)positive)perspective)from)every)thing).

Always)keep)your)voice)lower)while)clearing)things.

Give)value)to)others)advise)and)decisions.

Don’t)make)fun)of)people.

CIRCULAR)ENERGY)FLOW.

A communication technique to maintain safe space in conflict resolution is the circular energy flow.

Listen!

Clarify!

Assess!

Speak%!