Growth in Marriage

Do now: In a paragraph describe what you would

consider an ideal family type or situation. Traditional type family

Mother and father who live together and raise the children together

Not the only kind of family that is wonderful to grow up in

Most teens identify it as the ideal

Write a paragraph about the last 7 years of your life…how have you developed?

Share your ideas with your neighbor. What things do you share in common? Answer the question: Does this growth and

development continue as you grow older? A couple will continue to develop in their

relationship, roles as parents, and in their individual lives

Seasons of Marriage

Not the same for everyone There is a general pattern

Blissful Beginnings Years 1-2 “Honeymoon” Lots of hope Everything is new Acceptance and loyalty Adjust to “we & us” Interdependence Support, affection Learn how to compromise and adjust

Becoming Domestic Years 3-7 Making a home Welcoming children Physical and emotional fatigue Expand sharing to new roles

Who will be the primary child care giver Will one person cease to work outside the home Will both parents be involved in child rearing…how?

Not a couple but a family How do you adjust?

Time of Decision Years 7-14 Can be the most challenging Growing professionally, personally, parentally Sexual fervor may end Change jobs Children become independent Re-accept vows- “Life After Marriage” Less time together Aspects of life begin to feel more oppressive Are you going to hang in there?

Strength and Renewal

Years 14-21 Children adolescent

Learn from children May be frustrating as well

More time together New roles Joy of seeing growth

Midlife Transitions College for kids More job/less job

May want a career change May be laid off and be forced to deal with

unemployment More home centered Less expensive Empty nest

Can be difficult Children go from being dependent to

independent

On their own again

Years 28-40 Retirement Deeper bonds if already there Grandchildren Travel Hobbies Volunteering

Growing Old

Illness Taking care of each other New roles New home

Ongoing Adjustments

From “I” to “We” Changes in sexual expression Financial issues Changing roles Coping with crisis

3 Stances Toward Relationship

1. Faithfulness to Each Other Development of the relationship is #1

2. Hospitality toward new life Children are honored guests

3. Openness to Community Need to create family of support in

community

If one of the partners in a marriage is not faithful, I feel that

A married couple learn to trust each other by If my spouse had close other-sex friends, I would

feel If I marr, I hope that my spouse and I will have the

kind of friends who Mutaul affirmation in marriage is If I marry, I want to have (number) of children Most young couples I know look upon having

children as About NFP I feel

The Healthy Family

Ideal environment for an individual to into a happy, caring, self-respecting person

Open Communication

Feel listened to Able to listen Share honestly Reconcile conflicts in fair ways

Affirmation

Give compliments generously Active interest in others Attend events Celebrate accomplishments

Trust

Believe in each other Children grow without fear of making

mistakes Builds self-esteem

A Sense of Tradition

Binds a family together Sharing rituals and traditions May be family reunions, holidays Gives a sense of roots

Shared Leisure Time

Fosters talk and appreciation of one another

Allows members to lower their guard and be together without stress

Shared meals Play games

A Sense of Right and Wrong

Responsible for behavior Confront wrong behavior directly School in honesty, respect for other

people and service to those in need

A Sense of Responsibility Contribute to a sense of common good for

the family Share in chose Pick up after one’s self Enhances self-esteem

Feel that they have an influence on the world of their family

Empowered

A Shared Religious Vision

United by a common set of beliefs and religious practices

Values about the meaning of life Participation in a religious community

sustains a family Deepens faith