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April 13, 2013
YOU are here &
all the people you know are around you
Friends (& friends of friends) Extra
Curricular Acquaintances
Neighbors
Professionals In Your Field
Former Employers
Coaches/Supporters
People Who Cross Your Path
In Life Alumni/Faculty from College
LinkedIN /Facebook
Speakers at Events
Online Associations / Industry Websites
Family & Family Friends
Colleagues/Staff
Community Connections
Growing your Community and Launching Your Career Compiled for the Black Women's Support Network
A Gesture of Apology & Appreciation From Barbara Lang
Reminders
• Building a lifelong community of contacts, connections and eventually relationships, takes time, attention and a good dose of courtesy, gratitude and giving back.
• Always think of how you can be of benefit to others when reaching out
• 3rd party introductions are ideal when reaching out to someone you don’t know.
• Before meeting anyone you hope to meet (at an event or through an introduction) do your research on the person first. Avoid asking questions you could have researched by a Google or a LinkedIn search.
• Be able to explain your area of interest (no matter how broad) with authentic
interest and enthusiasm, but be brief, engaged and to the point. Know how to a tell your story so it persuades someone that what you are saying is truthful.
• Never underestimate the value of a thank you and keeping in touch.
Networking as a Mindset While Owning Your Path
Think of people you know in your life. Think of the people they may know, who might be involved in your career or industry of interest. Share your career interests with the people you’ve identified; perhaps there is an opportunity for them to provide you with an introduction where upon you request a brief information interview. (If you’ve not done this type of interview, head to student services or ask me for tips and protocol.) With whomever you meet, think of how you can be of benefit and value to others (For people helping you, a thoughtful thank you provides those moments of happiness that are priceless, memorable and appreciated.) Informally create your own “Board of Directors” or trusted advisors who want to see you succeed. (That’s most people you meet during your time at Cornell and in life.) Keep in touch with these folks so when you have a question or need some insight and perspective -‐ they are ready, willing and delighted to help you. (Not really my advisors but this photo, from my recent time in Cambodia, reminds me that advisors are people wiser than me in any number of ways) Whatever people have done on your behalf, do the same for someone else. There is always someone who needs a helpful hand or friendly hello.
Net
April 13, 2013
Tip Sheet – Points to Keep In Mind
Because life–changing opportunities don’t usually happen by chance 1. Creating Positive Impressions – People make immediate assessments upon initial introductions. A
warm smile, eye contact, clean clothing and a firm handshake (neither a limp fish nor a bone-‐crushing squeeze) set a positive tone. Nobel Prize Laureate in Economics Daniel Kahneman talks about the remembering self – the way we are hard-‐wired to recall a memory. Bottom line – people’s memories are connected to the last feeling they had about an experience. Make your departure from an encounter, (or better yet, through a follow-‐up thank-‐you card) sincere and thoughtful. Don’t underestimate the power of a follow-‐up note specifically referencing a moment you enjoyed during the time you had with the individual.
2. Introductions – If you remember, try to address the “higher level” person first when introducing two people. Ideally, have a comment that creates a commonality or connection between the two people (“I know you both are big fans of the Hot Truck on North Campus…”). “Connectors” are highly valued people who appear to effortlessly identify a common interest between two strangers, allowing them to comfortably pursue a conversation. Forget a name? Politely fess up, and apologize for the temporary brain lapse. Always repeat a person’s name after you’ve just been introduced. Use mnemonics – make a quick and bizarre mental association with that person. If there is a possibility the two people have crossed paths, say “Have you two met?” encouraging them to introduce themselves. When being introduced, stand-‐up, unless the physical layout makes that impossible (e.g. sitting in a booth). If you are wearing sunglasses, always take them off when meeting or introducing people.
3. Conversations – Listening to what a person is truly saying (vs. thinking of a witty reply) takes discipline.
The best conversations involve both people contributing to the exchange. However, if the person you are meeting is someone whom you have wanted to meet (recognized individual in the field you are pursuing) focus on them more than you. Contribute to the conversation (so later on, when you follow up, you can refer to whatever you had added to the exchange) but don’t take up too much “airspace”. Following up on a conversations/introduction (and not asking for anything in the follow-‐up but just showing appreciation) sets the foundation for possible future correspondence. Practice Conversation Riffing™ – when you riff off something the other person has mentioned, regarding either an emotion or an experience.
4. Email – When you consider that words are only 7% of communication (the remainder being tone and
body language), misinterpretation is all too common. Remember to add tone to your emails without using emoticon. Craft an email so it doesn’t appear too casual or cavalier (For example: Hey! How is it going?). Here are some other tips: Your subject line should be brief and to the point. Make your email short – it is probably being read on a smart phone. Have your contact information after your name. Avoid sarcasm – it doesn’t translate well in email and can send unintentional messages.
April 13, 2013
5. Be Courteous – Every personal encounter you make is a human connection – being engaged and appreciative with everyone you encounter shows genuine courtesy. You never know when an encounter becomes an unforeseen opportunity. Luck is when preparation meets opportunity – preparation begins with having an awareness and appreciation for the people we meet.
6. Say please and thank you – Mean it. Put aside the cell phone and take out the headphones when someone is interacting with you, including a coffee barista, receptionist, bus driver, host, restaurant server, store clerk. Everyone deserves appreciation and acknowledgement for the work they do.
7. Business receptions with food – Don’t be starving upon arrival -‐-‐ avoid the tendency to focus on the
food more than the company. Having both hands occupied with a plate and glass discourages people from introducing themselves. Open bar? Leave a tip.
8. Buffets – When approaching a pile of plates, take one for yourself and then give one to the person behind you. It’s a polite gesture but also allows for impromptu exchange if there is a line of people behind you. People choose a buffet line for business meetings because they have limited time. Avoiding piling food on your plate – be sure there is some “white space” on the plate. Select foods that are varying in color rather than monochromatic (all brown or white). Do not begin eating until everyone has sat down. Wait until your host begins eating. If you do go back to the buffet table (which is discouraged during business meals), do not use your dirty plate – get a clean plate. A server will remove the dirty plate during your absence.
9. Banquet Dinners – If you have dietary preferences, call ahead to arrange for food accommodations.
Avoid requesting accommodations during a meal – this inconveniences the staff’s efficiency of delivery and an observer might interpret your last-‐minute requests as poor planning on your part as well as being insensitive and inconsiderate to those who have been impacted by your oversight. Banquet tables are often crowded, blurring the clear lines of whose silverware and such, belongs to whom. Use the hand puppet signal of B (left hand) and D (right hand). B = bread/butter plate (this is always on your left) and D = drink (glasses on the right are yours). Do not put your napkin on your lap until everyone is seated. Stand up at the table when greeting someone or introducing yourself to someone.
10. When things go wrong – if you find yourself in an awkward or embarrassing situation (spilled drink, for
example), people will often not react until they see your response. If you are upset, an awkward silence will fill the room. If you set a tone of being nonplused and incorporate a certain level of self-‐deprecating humor, people will be grateful, relieved and impressed. Flexibility and graciousness under pressure and stress indicate a strength that will be equally as beneficial in the work place.
11. Thank you cards – if someone has taken the time to have you as a guest, please send a thank you card. The opportunity of creating a positive last impression is most often ignored or forgotten once an encounter is completed. This gesture of appreciation is always well received, whether in reference to a social or business setting.
April 13, 2013
References from The Etiquette Factor BOOKS SEND: Why People Email So Badly and How to Do It Better, by W. Schwalbe & D. Shipley; Written by the Op-‐Editor of the New York Times and the Editor-‐in-‐Chief of Hyperion Books – great book on email Would it Kill You to Stop Doing That? A Modern Guide to Manners, by Henry Alford; Written by a journalist who researched etiquette -‐ funny, insightful and spot-‐on about how we treat one another Blink, and Tipping Point, by Malcolm Gladwell; books about fast cognition that occurs in the “blink of an eye” The Etiquette Advantage in Business, by Peggy Post and Peter Post; Another excellent “how to” book Whistling Vivaldi – How Stereotypes Affect Us and What We Can Do, By Claude M. Steele; a social psychologist who explores how stereotypes threats influence our behavior and performance 10 Things Employers Want You to Learn in College, by Bill Coplin TED TALKS Quiet – the Power of Introverts, by Susan Cain (she also presented the 2nd most viewed TED video on Introverts: http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html )
Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are by Amy Cuddy (social psychologist, Harvard University). Learn the “power position” that releases testosterone in anyone who gives it a try. http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.html ARTICLES Harvard Business Review – January 2012 Issue – Theme of the issue is: The Happiness Factor Terrific issue offering several articles on happiness – an absolute read! Head to the library. “Are You Shy?”, by Bernard Carucci PhD and Philip G Zimbardo PhD, Psychology Today – This is a review of the article "The Social Disease Called Shyness” – offers great tips http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/are-‐you-‐shy “Total Recall”, by Joshua Foer – New York Times Magazine http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2011/02/20/magazine/mind-‐secrets.html An article on name recollection, memory and how quirky, kinky associations help us remember names. “The Four Truths of the Storyteller”, by Peter Gruber, Harvard Business Review Summary at: http://hbr.org/2007/12/the-‐four-‐truths-‐of-‐the-‐storyteller/ar/1 Access through Cornell library When all is said and done, take to heart what Maya Angelou wrote: “They won’t remember what you said, and they won’t remember what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel.” All the best in your future ventures -‐ if you would like Tips for Preparing for a Job Info and Interview using Blackstone, an asset management and advisory firm as an example or A Dining Etiquette Tip Sheet, please email me at [email protected]. It would be my pleasure to share this information with you. Barbara www.TheEtiquettefactor.com [email protected] 2013© No reproduction without permission of author
