Grey's Stuff

8/6/2019 Grey's Stuff

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map…You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules…

maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for

yourself.

Episode 05. Shake Your Groove Thing

Remember when you were a kid, and your biggest worry was, like, if you'd get a bike for your

birthday or if you'd get to eat cookies for breakfast? Being an adult - totally overrated. I mean,

seriously, don't be fooled by all the hot shoes and the great sex and the no parents anywhere

telling you what to do. Adulthood is responsibility. Responsibility - it really does suck. Really,

really sucks. Adults have to be places and do things and earn a living and pay the rent. And if

you're training to be a surgeon holding a human heart in your hands .Hello! Talk about

responsibility! Kind of makes bikes and cookies look really, really good, doesn't it? The scariest

part about responsibility? When you screw up, and let it slip right through your fingers…

Responsibility - it really does suck. Information is power. Unfortunately, once you get past the

age of braces and training bras, responsibility doesn't go away. It can't be avoided. Either

someone makes us face it, or we suffer the consequences. And still, adulthood has its perks ...

I mean, the shoes, the sex, the no parents anywhere telling you what to do... that's pretty

damn good.

Episode 06. If Tomorrow Never Comes

A couple hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success -

"never leave that till tomorrow," he said, "what you can do today." This is the man who

discovered electricity. You'd think more of us would listen to what he had to say. I don't know

why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd say it has a lot to do with fear - fear of failure,

fear of pain, fear of rejection. Sometimes, the fear is just of making a decision... because whatif you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? Whatever it is we're afraid of,

one thing holds true - if, by the time the pain of not doing a thing gets worse than the fear of

doing it, it can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor.

The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't

pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, the philosophers, heard our

grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day.

Still, sometimes, we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to

learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we

can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant......that

knowing is better than wondering... that waking is better than sleeping... ...and that even the

biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.

Episode 07. The Self-Destruct Button

Okay, anyone who says you can sleep when you die, tell them to come talk to me after a few

months as an intern. Of course, it's not just the job that keeps us up all night. I mean, if life's so



hard already, why do we bring more trouble down on ourselves? What's up with the need to hit

the self-destruct button?

Maybe we like the pain. - Maybe we're wired that way......because without it, I don't

know......maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? "Why do I keep hitting myself

with a hammer?" "Because it feels so good when I stop.”

Episode 08. Save Me

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what

your life would be white dress, prince charming, who'd carry you away to a castle on a hill.

You'd lie in bed at night and close your eyes, and you had complete and utter faith. Santa

Claus, the tooth fairy, prince charming - they were so close, you could taste them. But

eventually you grow up. One day you open your eyes, and the fairy tale disappears. Most

people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it's hard to let go of thatfairy tale entirely. Almost everyone still has that smallest bit of hope - of faith - that one day

they'll open their eyes and it will all come true.

At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like

one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle -

well, it may not be a castle. Does it beat... or moo? And it's not so important that it's happy

ever after... just that it's happy right now. See, once in a while - once in a blue moon - people

will surprise you. And once in a while... people may even take your breath away.

Episode 09. Who's Zoomin' Who?

Secrets can't hide in science. Medicine has a way of exposing the lies. Within the walls of the

hospital, the truth is stripped bare. We keep our secrets outside the hospital - well, that's a little

different. One thing is certain. Whatever it is we're trying to hide, we're never ready for that

moment when the truth gets naked. That's the problem with secrets - like misery, they love

company. They pile up and up until they take over everything... ...Until you don't have room for

anything else......until you're so full of secrets, you feel like you're going to burst.

The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good

or bad, at least they're out in the open... like it or not. And once your secrets are out in the

open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is even when you

think you're in control......You're not.

Season 2.

Episode 01. Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head

To be a good surgeon, you have to think like a surgeon. Emotions are messy. Tuck them neatly

away and step into a clean, sterile room, the procedure is simple... cut, suture and close. But

sometimes you're faced with a cut that won't heal... A cut that rips its stitches wide open.



They say "practice makes perfect." Theory is, the more you think like a surgeon, the more you

become one... the better you get at remaining neutral, clinical …cut, suture, close... and the

harder it becomes to learn to turn it off... To stop thinking like a surgeon... And remember what

it means to think like a human being.

Episode 02. Enough Is Enough (No More Tears)

I have an aunt who, whenever she poured anything for you, would say, "say when." My aunt

would say “say when” and of course, we never did. We don't say "when" because there's

something irresistible about the possibility of more. More tequila, more love, more anything.

More is better.

There's something to be said about a glass half full...about knowing when to say when. I think

it's a floating line, a barometer of need and desire it's entirely up to the individual...and

depends on what's being poured. Sometimes... all we want is a taste. Other times, there's no

such thing as enough. The glass is bottomless. And all we want…is more.

Episode 03. Make Me Lose Control

Surgeons are control freaks. With a scalpel in your hand-- - Oh, crap. - You feel unstoppable.

There's no fear, there's no pain. You're 10 feet tall and bulletproof. And then you leave the

O.R-- And all that perfection, all that beautiful control just falls to crap.

No one likes to lose control, but as a surgeon, there's nothing worse. A sign of weakness, of not

being up to the task. And still, there are times when it just gets away from you-- when the world

stops spinning and you realize that your shiny little scalpel isn't gonna save you. And no matter

how hard you fight it-- You fall. And it's scary as hell. Except, if there's an upside to free-falling,

it’s the chance you give your friends to catch you.

Episode 04. Deny, Deny, Deny

The key to surviving a surgical internship is denial. We deny that we're tired. We deny that

we're scared. We deny how badly we wanna succeed. And most importantly, we deny that

we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe. And it

works. We lie to ourselves so much that, after a while, the lies start to seem like the truth. We

deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our faces.

Sometimes, reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass... and when the dam

bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to

ourselves for so long. We are tired. We are scared. Denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner

or later, we have to put aside our denial and face the world head-on, guns blazing. Denial--it'snot just a river in Egypt. It's a freaking ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?

Episode 05. Bring the Pain

Pain comes in all forms... The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain, the normal

pains we live with every day... Then there's the kind of pain you can't ignore. - A level of pain

so great-- that it blocks out everything else... Makes the rest of the world fade away... Until all

we can think about... is how much we hurt... - How we manage our pain is up to us. Pain... We



anesthetize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it... and for some of us, the best way to manage pain

is just to push through it.

Pain-- you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it

heals. Most of the time, pain can be managed. But sometimes, the pain gets you when you

least expect it... Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain-- you just have to fight through

because the truth is, you can't outrun it and life always makes more.

Dr. Meredith Grey: You don't get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had found the

person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the boys, and all the

bars, and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? Because I was done. You left me. You chose

Addison. I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what

you broke. You don't get to call me a whore.

Episode 06. Into You Like a Train

In general, people can be categorized in one of two ways-- those who love surprises and those

who don't. I... don't. I've never met a surgeon who enjoys a surprise. Because, as surgeons, we

like to be in the know. We have to be in the know. Because often, when we aren't, people die

and lawsuits happen.

As surgeons... there are so many things we have to know. We have to know that we have what

it takes. We have to know how to take care of our patients. And how to take care of each other.

-Eventually... we even have to figure out how to take care of ourselves. As surgeons, we have

to be in the know. But as human beings, sometimes it's better to stay in the dark. Because... in

the dark there may be fear... but there's also hope.

Episode 07. Something to Talk About

Communication-- it's the first thing we really learn in life... Funny thing is, once we grow up,learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say or how to

ask for what we really need.

Some things we just don't want to hear... and some things we say because we can't be silent

any longer. Some things are more than what you say... they're what you do. Some things you

say because there's no other choice. And not too often... but every now and then... some things

simply speak for themselves.

Alex Karev: For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with

someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch, you feel it

everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep, you never wanna come up for air. You can't cheat yourfirst kiss, Nicole. Trust me, you don't want to, 'cause when you find that right person, the first

kiss... it's everything.

Episode 08. Let It Be

In the eighth grade, my English class had to read "Romeo and Juliet." Then for extra credit, Mrs.

Snyder made us act out all the parts. Sal Scaffarillo was Romeo. As fate would have it, I was

Juliet. All the other girls were jealous, but I had a slightly different take. I told Mrs. Snyder that



Juliet was an idiot. For starters, she falls for the one guy she knows she can't have, then she

blames fate for her own bad decision. Mrs. Snyder explained to me that when fate comes into

play, choice sometimes goes out the window. At the ripe old age of 13, I was very clear that

love, like life, is about making choices... And fate has nothing to do with it.

Everyone thinks it's so romantic-- Romeo and Juliet, true love, how sad. Crap! If Juliet was

stupid enough to fall for the enemy, drink a bottle of poison and go to sleep in a mausoleum...

she deserved whatever she got.

Maybe Romeo and Juliet were fated to be together, but just for a while, and then their time

passed. If they could've known that beforehand, maybe it all would've been okay. I told Mrs.

Snyder that when I’d grow-up, I'd take fate into my own hands. I wouldn't let some guy drag me

down. Mrs. Snyder said I'd be lucky if I ever had that kind of passion with someone, and that if I

did, we'd be together forever. Even now I believe that, for the most part, love is about choices.

It's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending... most

of the time... And that sometimes, despite all your best choices and all your best intentions,

fate wins anyway.

Episode 09. Thanks for the Memories

Gratitude, Appreciation, giving thanks no matter what words you use, it all means the same

thing Happy. We're supposed to be happy, grateful for friends, family. Happy to just be alive.

Whether we like it or not.

Bailey: I like Thanksgiving. A day people spend with their families. Too much family time

triggers depression, repressed childhood rage, bitter disputes over the remote and way too

much alcohol. People get stupid, people get violent, people get hurt. And that's a good thing

because there are surgeries, Grey. Lots and lots of surgeries. The stupidity of the human race,

Grey. Be thankful for that.

Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe

being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories.

admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. And maybe we're thankful for the familiar

things we know. and maybe we're thankful for the thing we'll never know. At the end of the

day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing. …is reason enough to celebrate.

Episode 10. Much Too Much

When you were a kid, it was Halloween candy. You hid it from your parents and ate it until you

got sick. In college, it was the heady combo of youth, tequila and well… you know. As a

surgeon, you take as much of the good as you can get. Because it doesn't come around nearlyas often as it should. Cause good things aren't always what they seem. Too much of anything,

even love, is not always a good thing.

How do you know how much is too much? Too much, too soon? Too much information? Too

much fun? Too much love, too much to ask. And when is it all just too much to bare?

Episode 11. Owner of a Lonely Heart



40 years ago, the Beatles asked the world a simple question. He wanted to know where all the

lonely people came from . My latest theory is that a great many of the lonely people come from

hospitals. More precisely, the surgical wing of hospitals. As surgeons, we ignore our own needs

so we can meet our patients' needs. We ignore our friends and families so we can save other

people's friends and families. Which means that, at the end of the day all we really have is

ourselves...and nothing in this world can make you feel more alone than that.

400 years ago, another well-known English guy an opinion about being alone...John Donne. He

thought we were never alone. Of course, it was fancier when he said it. “A man is an island

entire unto himself”. Boil down that island talk, and he just meant that all anyone needs is

someone to step I and let us know we're not alone .And who's to say that someone can't have

four legs? Someone to play with or run around with...or just hang out.

Episode 12. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

It’s an urban myth that suicide rates spike at the holidays. Turns out, they actually go down.

Experts think it's because people are less inclined to off themselves when surrounded by

family. Ironically, that same family togetherness is thought to be the reason that depression

rates actually do spike at the holidays. There's an old proverb that says you can't choose your

family… you take what the fate hands you. And like them or not, love them or not, understand

them or not....you cope. Then there's the school of thought that says the family you're born into

is simply a starting point. They feed you and clothe you and take care of you until you're ready

to go out into the world......and find your tribe.

Episode 13. Begin the Begin

Fresh starts. Thanks to the calendar, they happen every year. Just set your watch to January.

Our reward for surviving the holiday season is a New Year bringing on the great tradition of

New Year’s resolutions. Put your past behind you and start over. It's hard to resist the chance

at a new beginning, a chance to put the problems of last year to bed.

Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It's not a day on a calendar, not

a birthday, not a new year. It's an event, big or small, something that changes us. Ideally, it

gives us hope... a new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old

memories. What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. But

it's also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on

to.

Addison Montgomery : There is a land called passive aggressiva and I am their queen.

Episode 14. Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

As doctors, we're trained to be skeptical… because our patients lie to us all the time. The rule

is: every patient is a liar until proven honest. Lying is bad. Or so we're told. Constantly, from

birth. "Honesty is the best policy" ,"The truth shall set you free" ,"I chopped down the cherry

tree”. Whatever. The fact is, lying is a necessity. We lie to ourselves because the truth… the

truth freaking hurts.



No matter how hard we try to ignore it or deny it, eventually the lies fall away… whether we

like it, or not. But, here's the truth about the truth: It hurts. So… we lie.

Episode 15. Break on Through

In surgery, there's a red line on the floor that marks the point where the hospital goes from

being accessible to being off-limits to all but a special few. Crossing the line unauthorized is not

tolerated. In general, lines are there for a reason. For safety. For security. For clarity. If you

choose to cross the line, you pretty much do so at your own risk. So why is it… that the bigger

the line, the greater the temptation to cross it?

We can't help ourselves. We see a line, we want to cross it. Maybe it's the thrill of trading the

familiar, for the unfamiliar. A sort of a personal dare. The only problem is… once you've

crossed, it's almost impossible to go back. But, if you do manage to make it back across that

line, you find safety in numbers.

Episode 16. It's the End of the World

It’s a look, patients get in their eyes. There's a scent. The smell of death. Some kind of sixthsense. When the great beyond is headed for you, you feel it coming. What's the one thing

you've always dreamed of doing before you die?

Episode 17. As We Know It

In hospitals, they say you know. You know when you're going to die. Some doctors say it's a

look patients get in their eyes. Some say there's a scent, the smell of death. Some think there's

just some kind of sixth sense. When the great beyond is heading for you, you feel it coming.

Whatever it is, it's creepy. Because if you know… what do you do about it? Forget about the

fact that you're scared out of your mind. If you knew this was your last day on Earth, how would

you want to spend it?

Episode 18. Yesterday

After careful consideration many sleepless nights (here's what I’ve decided) . There’s no such

thing as a grown-up. We move on. We move out, we move away from our families and form our

own . But the basic insecurities, the basic fears and all those old wounds just grow up with us.

And just when we think that life and circumstance have forced us to truly and once and for all

become an adult... we get bigger, we get taller, we get older but... for the most part we're still

a bunch of kids running around the playground trying desperately to fit in.

Preston: “I am Preston Burke, a widely-renowned cardiothoracic surgeon. I am... a professional.And more than that, I am a good and kind person. I am person that cleans up behind myself. Iam a person that cooks well. And you...you are an unbelievable slob. A slovenly, angry intern. Iam Preston Burke. And you...you are the most competitive, most guarded, most stubborn, mostchallenging person I have ever met…. I love you. What the hell is the matter with you that youwon't just let me? ““I gave up my apartment 20 minutes ago.”“….well ….all right, then.”



I’ve heard that it's possible to grow up. I’ve just never met anyone who's actually done it.

Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves... we throw tantrums when

things don't go our way... we whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark... we look for

comfort where we can find it... and we hope... against all logic, against all experience. Like

children... we never give up hope.

Episode 19. What Have I Done to Deserve This?

Okay, so, sometimes, even the best of us make rash decisions... bad decisions, decisions we

pretty much know we're going to regret the moment... the minute... especially the morning

after. I mean, maybe not "regret" regret because at least, you know, we put ourselves out

there. But still... Something inside us decides to do a crazy thing, a thing we know will probably

turn around and bite us in the ass... Yet we do it anyway. What I’m saying is... we reap what we

sow. What comes around goes around. It's karma, and any way you slice it... karma sucks.

One way or another, our karma... will leave us to face ourselves. We can look our karma in the

eye or we can wait for it to sneak up on us from behind. One way or another, our karma will

always find us. And the truth is, as surgeons... we have more chances than most to set the

balance in our favor. No matter how hard we try... we can't escape our karma. It follows us

home. I guess we can't really complain about karma. It's not unfair. It's not unexpected. It just...

evens the score. And even when we're about to do something we know will tempt karma to bite

us in the ass, well, it goes without saying... We do it anyway.

Episode 20. Band-Aid Covers the Bullet Hole

As doctors patients are always telling us how they would do our job… just stitch me up, slap a

band-aid on it and send me home… it’s easy to suggest a quick solution when you don’t know

much about the problem, when you don’t understand the underline cause or just how deep the

wound really is. The first step toward a real cure is to know exactly what the disease is, to

begin with, but that’s not what people want to hear. We’re supposed to forget the past that

landed us here, ignore the future complications that might arise and go for the quick fix.

As doctors, as friends, as human beings we all try to do the best we can…. But the world is full

of unexpected twists and turns… and just when you’ve gotten the lay of the land, the ground

underneath you shifts and knocks you off your feet. If you’re lucky you end up with nothing

more than a flesh wound, something a band aid would cover… but some wounds are deeper

than they first appear, and require more than just a quick fix…with some wounds you have to

rip off the band-aid , let them breathe, and give them time to heal…

Episode 21. Superstition

My college campus has a magic statue. It's a long-standing tradition for students to rub its nose

for good luck. My freshman roommate really believed in the statue's power, and insisted on

visiting it to rub its nose before every exam. Studying might have been a better idea. She

flunked out her sophomore year. But the fact is, we all have little superstitious things that we

do. If it's not believing in magic statues, it's avoiding sidewalk cracks, or always putting our left

shoe on first. Knock on wood. Step on a crack, break your mother's back…The last thing we

want to do, is offend the gods.



Superstition lies in the space between what we can control… and what we can't. Find a penny,

pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck. No one wants to pass up a chance for good

luck. but does saying it 33 times really help? Is anyone really listening? And, if no one's

listening, why do we bother doing those strange things at all? We rely on superstitions because

we're smart enough to know we don't have all the answers. And, that life works in mysterious

ways. Don't dis the juju… from wherever it comes.

Episode 22. The Name of The Game

A good basketball game can have us all on the edge of our seats. Games are about the glory,

the pain, and the play-by-play. And then, there are the more solitary games. The games we

each play all by ourselves. The social games, the mind games, we use them to pass the time.

To make life more interesting. To distract us, from what's really going on. There are those of us

who love to play games. Any game. And, there are those of us who love to play… a little too

much.

Life is not a spectator sport. Win, lose or draw, the game is in progress, whether we want it to

be, or not. So, go ahead, argue with the refs, change the rules… cheat a little, take a break…

and tend to your wounds. But play. Play. Play hard. Play fast. Play loose and free. Play as if

there's no tomorrow. Okay, so it's not whether you win or lose… It’s how you play the game.

Right?

Episode 23. Blues for Sister Someone

The key to being a successful intern is what we give up. Sleep, friends, a normal life. We

sacrifice it all for that one amazing moment. That moment when you can legally call yourself a

surgeon. There are days that make the sacrifices seem worthwhile. And then there are the

days, where everything feels like a sacrifice. And then, there are the sacrifices that you can't

even figure out why you're making.

A wise man once said, "You can have anything in life, if you will sacrifice everything else for it."

What he meant is, nothing comes without a price. So, before you go into battle, you better

decide how much you're willing to lose. Too often, going after what feels good, means letting

go of what you know is right. And letting someone in, means abandoning the walls you've spent

a lifetime building.

Of course, the toughest sacrifices are the ones we don't see coming. When we don't have time

to come up with a strategy, to pick a side, or to measure the potential loss. When that happens,

when the battle chooses us, and not the other way around, that's when the sacrifice can turn

out to be more than we can bear.

Episode 24: Damage Case

We all go through life like bulls in a china shop. A chip here, a crack there. Doing damage to

ourselves. To other people. The problem is trying to figure out how to control the damage we

have done. Or that's been done to us. Sometimes the damage catches us by surprise.

Sometimes we think we can fix the damage. And sometimes, the damage is something we

can't even see…



We're all damaged, it seems. Some of us, more than others. We carry the damage with us from

childhood. Then, as grown-ups, we give as good as we get. Ultimately, we all do damage. And

then… we set about the business of fixing… whatever we can.

Episode 25: 17 Seconds

In life we are taught that there are seven deadly sins. We all know the big ones: Gluttony,

pride, lust. But the sin you don't hear much about is anger. Maybe it's because we think anger's

not that dangerous. That we can control it. My point is, maybe we don't give anger enough

credit. Maybe it can be a lot more dangerous than we think. After all, when it comes to

destructive behavior… it did make the top seven.

So, what makes anger different from the six other deadly sins? It's pretty simple, really. You

give in to a sin like envy or pride, then you only hurt yourself. Try lust, or coveting, and you'll

only hurt yourself, and probably one or two others. But anger… Anger is the worst. The mother

of all sins. Not only can anger drag you over the edge, but when it does, you can take an awful

lot of other people with you.

Episode 26/27: Deterioration of the Fight or Flight Response/Losing My Religion

(Voice over by members of cast):

(Meredith) Human beings need a lot of things to feel alive.

(George) Family.

(Cristina) Love.

(Izzie) Sex.

(Derek) But we only need one thing…

(Burke) To actually be alive.

(Cristina) We need a beating heart.

(Addison) When our heart is threatened…

(Alex) We respond in one of two ways.

(George) We either run…

(Burke) Or…

(Izzie) We attack.

(Richard) There's a scientific term for this.

(Alex) Fight…

(Addison) Or flight.



(Bailey) It's instinct.

(Meredith) We can't control it.

(Izzie) Or can we?

Season 3.

Episode 01. Time Has Come Today

In the O.R., time loses all meaning. In the midst of sutures, and saving lives, the clock ceases to

matter. 15 minutes, 15 hours. Inside the O.R., the best surgeons make time fly… Outside the

O.R., however, time takes pleasure in kicking our asses. For even the strongest of us, it seems

to play tricks. Slowing down, hovering, until it freezes… leaving us stuck in a moment. Unable

to move in one direction or the other.

Time flies. Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us wants is more time…

Time to stand up… Time to grow up… Time to let go…

Meredith: Everyone thinks I’ll know what to say to her. I don’t know what to say to her. Dark

and twisty Meredith. I’m not dark and twisty… and if I am dark and twisty, it’s because I live my

life under a banner of avoidance. I avoid. I’m an avoider.

Episode 02: I Am a Tree

At any given moment, the brain has 14 billion neurons firing at a speed of 450 miles per hour.

We don't have control over most of them. When we get a chill, goose bumps, when we get

excited, adrenaline. The body naturally follows its impulses. Which I think is part of what makes

it so hard for us to control ours. Of course, sometimes we have impulses we would rather not

control… That we later wish we had.

The body is a slave to its impulses. But the thing that makes us human… is what we can

control. After the storm, after the rush, after the heat of the moment has passed we can cool

off, and clean up the messes we've made. We can try to let go of what was. And then again…

Episode 03: Sometimes a Fantasy

Surgeons usually fantasize about wild and improbable surgeries. Someone collapses in a

restaurant, we slice them open with a butter knife, replace a valve with a hollowed-out stick of

carrot. But every now and then, some other kind of fantasy slips in… Most of our fantasies

dissolve when we wake, banished to the back of our minds, but sometimes, we're sure if we try

hard enough, we can live the dream.

The fantasy is simple. Pleasure is good. And twice as much pleasure is better… That pain is

bad, and no pain is better…But the reality is different. The reality is that pain is there to tell us

something. And there's only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomach ache.

And maybe that's okay. Maybe, some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams.

Episode 04: What I Am



At some point during surgical residency, most interns get a sense of who they are as doctors,

and the kinds of surgeons they're going to become. If you ask them, they'll tell you, they're

going to be general surgeons, orthopedic surgeons, neurosurgeons… Distinctions that do more

than define their areas of expertise. They help define who they are. Because outside the

operating room, not only do most surgeons have no idea who they are, they're also afraid to

find out.

Denny: Dad, mom, it's me. I'm calling from Seattle Grace hospital, where the beautiful and

talented and incredibly stubborn Dr. Isobel Stevens, she's just given me a brand new heart. And

promised to marry me. I know we've had our differences, and I'm sorry we've been out of

touch. Believe it or not, I was trying to make everything better. I know you're angry. I hope

you'll forgive me. Turns out, sometimes you have to do the wrong thing… sometimes you have

to make a big mistake, to figure out how to make things right. Mistakes are painful… but

they're the only way to find out who you really are. I know who I am now. I know what I want.

I've got the love of my life, a new heart, and I want you guys to get on the next plane out here

and meet my girl. Everything's gonna be different now. I promise. From here on out, nothing's

ever going to be the same. I love you. Bye.

Episode 05. Oh, the Guilt

First do no harm. As doctors, we pledge to live by this oath. But, harm happens… and then guilt

happens. And there's no oath for how to deal with that. Guilt never goes anywhere on its own.

It brings its friends: Doubt and Insecurity.

First, do no harm. Easier said than done. We can take all the oaths in the world, but the fact

is… most of us do harm all the time. Sometimes, even when we're trying to help, we do more

harm than good. And then the guilt rears its ugly head. What you do with that guilt, is up to

you. We’re left with a choice… Either let the guilt throw you back into the behavior that got you

into trouble in the first place, or… learn from the guilt, and do your best… to move on.

Episode 06.: Let the Angels Commit

To make it, really make it… as a surgeon, it takes major commitment. We have to be willing to

pick up that scalpel and make a cut that may, or may not, do more damage than good. It's all

about being committed. Because if we're not, we have no business picking up that scalpel in

the first place.

There are time when even the best of us, have trouble with commitment. And, we may be

surprised by the commitments we're willing to let slip out of our grasp. Commitments are

complicated. We may surprise ourselves by the commitments we're willing to make. True

commitment takes effort, and sacrifice. Which is why sometimes… we have to learn the hard

way to choose our commitments very carefully.

Episode 07.: Where the Boys Are

As surgeons, we're trained to look for disease. Sometimes the problem's easily detected. Most

of the time, you need to go step-by-step. First, probing the surface, looking for any sign of

trouble. A mole, or a lesion or an unwelcome lump. Most of the time, we can't tell what's wrong



with somebody by just looking at them. After all, they can look perfectly fine on the outside,

while their insides tell us a whole other story.

Not all wounds are superficial. Most wounds run deeper than we can imagine. You can't see

them with the naked eye. And then, there are the wounds that take us by surprise. The trick

with any kind of wound or disease, is to dig down and find the real source of the injury. And

once you've found it… try like hell to heal that sucker.

Episode 08.: Staring at the Sun

Many people don't know that the human eye has a blind spot in its field of vision. There's a part

of the world that we are literally blind to. The problem is, sometimes our blind spots shield us

from things that really shouldn't be ignored. Sometimes, our blind spots keep our lives bright

and shiny.

When it comes to our blind spots, maybe our brains aren't compensating. Maybe they're

protecting us…

Episode 09. From a Whisper to a Scream

(Cristina) As doctors, we know everybody's secrets. Their medical histories, sexual histories,

confidential information that is as essential to a surgeon as a 10-blade. And every bit as

dangerous. We keep secrets. We have to. But not all secrets can be kept…

(Cristina) In some ways, betrayal is inevitable. When our bodies betray us, surgery is often the

key to recovery. When we betray each other… when we betray each other, the path to

recovery is less clear. We do whatever it takes, to rebuild the trust that was lost. And then,

there are some wounds, some betrayals, that are so deep, so profound… that there's no way to

repair what was lost. And when that happens… there's nothing left to do… but wait.

Episode 10. Don't Stand So Close to Me

At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want, is to be close to somebody.

So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other… it's

usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to. And once we've

chosen those people… we tend to stick close by… no matter how much we hurt them. The

people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure,

sometimes, close can be too close. But, sometimes that invasion of personal space… it can be

exactly what you need.

Episode 11,: Six Days: Part I

None

Episode 12. Six Days: Part II

None



Episode 13: Great Expectations

No one believes their life will turn out just "kind of" okay. We all think we're going to be great.

And from the day we decide to be surgeons, we are filled with expectation. Expectations of the

trails we will blaze, the people we will help, the difference we will make. Great expectations of

who we will be, where we will go. And then… we get there.

We all think we're going to be great. And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations

aren't met. But, sometimes, our expectations sell us short. Sometimes, the expected simply

pales in comparison to the unexpected. You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations.

Because the expected is just what keeps us steady… standing… still. The expected is just the

beginning. The unexpected… is what changes our lives.

Episode 14: Wishin' and Hopin'

As surgeons, we live in a world of worst-case scenarios. We cut ourselves off from hoping for

the best, because too many times, the best doesn't happen. But, every now and then,

something extraordinary occurs. And suddenly… best-case scenarios seem possible. And every

now and then, something amazing happens. And against our better judgment… we start to

have hope.

As doctors, we're trained to give our patients just the facts. But what our patients really want to

know is, will the pain ever go away? Will I feel better? Am I cured? What our patients really

want to know is , is there hope? But, inevitably, there are times when you find yourself in the

worst case scenario. When the patient's body has betrayed them, and all the science we have

to offer has failed them. When the worst-case scenario comes true, clinging to hope, is all

we've got left.

Episode 15: Walk on Water

Disappearances happen in science. Diseases can suddenly fade away. Tumors go missing. We

open someone up to discover the cancer is gone. It's unexplained, it's rare, but it happens. We

call it misdiagnosis; say we never saw it in the first place. Any explanation but the truth.

That life is full of vanishing acts. If something that we didn't know we had disappears, do we

miss it?

Episode 16: Drowning on Dry Land

Like I said… disappearances happen… pains go phantom… blood stops running… and people,

people fade away. There's more I have to say… so much more. But… I've disappeared.

Episode 17: Some Kind of Miracle

There are medical miracles. Being worshipers of the altar of science, we don't like to believe

miracles exist. But they do. Things happen. We can't explain them. We can't control them… But

they do happen. Miracles do happen in medicine. They happen every day. Just not always when

we need them to happen…



At the end of a day like this, a day when so many prayers are answered, and so many aren't…

We take our miracles where we find them. We reach across the gap, and sometimes, against all

odds, against all logic… we touch.

Izzie: I believe that it's been a hell of a year. And I believe that in the face of overwhelming

evidence to the contrary, we will all be okay.

Episode 18: Scars and Souvenirs

People have scars in all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret road maps of their personal

histories, diagrams of all of their old wounds. Most of our old wounds heal, leaving nothing

behind but a scar. But some of them, don't. Some wounds, we carry with us everywhere… and

though the cut is long gone, the pain still lingers.

What's worse? New wounds, which are so horribly painful, or old wounds, which should have

healed years ago, and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us

where we've been, and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the

future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have

to learn over and over and over… again.

Episode 19: My Favorite Mistake

Surgeons always have a plan. Where to cut, where to clamp, where to stitch. But, even with the

best plans, complications can arise. Things can go wrong. And suddenly, you're caught with

your pants down.

The thing about plans is, they don't take into account the unexpected. So when we're thrown a

curve ball, whether it's in the O.R., or in life… we have to improvise. Of course, some of us are

better at it, than others. Some of us just have to move on to plan B, and make the best of it.

And sometimes… what we want… is exactly what we need. But sometimes, sometimes whatwe need is a new plan.

Episode 20: Time After Time

A patient's history is as important as their symptoms. It's what helps us decide if a heartburn is

a heart attack, if a headache is a tumor…Sometimes, patients will try to re-write their own

histories. They'll claim they don't smoke, or forget to mention certain drugs, which, in surgery,

can be the kiss of death. We can ignore it all we want… but our history, eventually always

comes back to haunt us.

Some people believe that without history, our lives amount to nothing. At some point, we all

have to choose. Do we fall back on what we know? Or, do we step forward, to something new?

It's hard not to be haunted by our past. Our history is what shapes us, what guides us. Our

history resurfaces. Time, after time, after time. So we have to remember. Sometimes, the most

important history is the history we're making today.

Episode 21: Desire



As interns, we know what we want. To become surgeons. And we'll do anything to get there.

Suffer through killer exams. Endure 100-hour weeks, stand for hours on end in operating

rooms, you name it, we'll do it. The tough part though, is, reconciling this huge thing we want -

to be surgeons, with everything else we want.

Too often, the thing you want most, is the one thing you can't have. Desire leaves us

heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something

can be… the people who suffer the most, are those who don't know what they want.

Episode 22: The Other Side of This Life: Part I & II

The dream is this: That we'll finally be happy when we reach our goals. Find the guy, finish our

internship… that's the dream. Then we get there… and if we're human, we immediately start

dreaming of something else. Because if this is the dream, then we'd like to wake up. Now,

please.

At some point, maybe we accept that the dream has become a nightmare. We tell ourselves

the reality is better. We convince ourselves it's better that we never dream at all. But the

strongest of us, the most determined of us, we hold on to the dream.

Or, we find ourselves faced with a fresh dream we never considered. We awake to find

ourselves… against all odds…. feeling hopeful. And if we're lucky… we realize, in the face of

everything, in the face of life… the true dream… is being able to dream at all.

Episode 24: Testing 1-2-3

A surgeon's education never ends. Every patient, every symptom, every operation is a test. A

chance for us to demonstrate how much we know… and how much more we have to learn.

Episode 25: Didn't We Almost Have It All?

(Richard) Being chief is about responsibility. Every single surgical patient in the hospital is your

patient, whether you're the one who cut them open or not. The scalpel stops with you. You

need to be able to look at a family… and tell them your team did everything they could to save

someone's child… their husband… their wife. You get caught up, taking care of other people's

families. And the responsibility… it makes you… you take care of other people's families. And

you sacrifice your own.

Preston Burke: "Cristina, I could promise to hold you, and to cherish you. I could promise to be

there, in sickness and in health. I could say till death do us part. But I won't. Those vows are for

optimistic couples, the ones full of hope. I do not stand here on my wedding day optimistic or

full of hope. I am not optimistic. I am not hopeful. I am sure. I am steady. I'm a heart man. Take

'em apart, put 'em back together, hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So this, I am sure.

You are my partner. My lover. My very best friend. My heart. My heart beats for you. And on

this day, the day of our wedding, I promise you this. I promise you to lay my heart in the palm

of your hands, I promise you... me."

Season 4.



Episode One: A Change Is Gonna Come

In the practice of medicine, change is inevitable. New surgical techniques are created,

procedures are updated, levels of expertise increase. Innovation is everything. Nothing remains

the same for long. We either adapt to change… or we get left behind.

Change… We don't like it, we fear it. But we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to

change, or we get left behind. It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn't, is lying. But

here's the truth: Sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. And

sometimes, oh, sometimes, change is good. Sometimes, change is… everything.

Episode Two: Love/Addiction

In the hospital, we see addiction every day. It's shocking, how many kinds of addiction exist. It

would be too easy if it was just drugs and booze and cigarettes. I think the hardest part of

kicking a habit is wanting to kick it. I mean, we get addicted for a reason, right? Often, too

often, things that start out as just a normal part of your life, at some point cross the line to

obsessive. Compulsive. Out of control. It's the high we're chasing. The high that makes

everything else… fade away.

The thing about addiction is, it never ends well. Because eventually, whatever it is that was

getting us high… stops feeling good, and starts to hurt. Still, they say you don't kick the habit

until you hit rock bottom. But how do you know when you're there? Because no matter how

badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes, letting it go hurts even worse.

Episode Three: Let the Truth Sting

Doctors give patients a number of things. We give them medicine, we give them advice, and

most of the time, we give them our undivided attention. But by far, the hardest thing you can

give the patience is the truth. The truth is hard. The truth is awkward, and very often… thetruth hurts. I mean, people say they want the truth. But do they really?

The truth is painful. Deep down, nobody wants to hear it. Especially when it hits close to home.

Sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give. Sometimes we tell the

truth because we need to say it out loud to really hear it for ourselves. And sometimes we tell

the truth because we just can't help ourselves. And sometimes… we tell them… because we

owe them at least that much.

Episode Four: The Heart of the Matter

In life, only one thing is certain, apart from death and taxes. No matter how hard you try, no

matter how good your intentions, you are going to make mistakes. You're going to hurt people.

You're going to get hurt. And if you ever want to recover, there's really only one thing you can

say… (Torres: "I forgive you.")

Forgive and forget. That's what they say. It's good advice, but it's not very practical. When

someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right.

Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled. Old wounds never heal. And the most we can

hope for, is that one day we'll be lucky enough to forget.



Episode Five: Haunt You Every Day

There's a reason surgeons learn to wield scalpels. We like to pretend we're hard, cold scientists.

We like to pretend we're fearless. But the truth is we become surgeons because somewhere,

deep down, we think we can cut away that which haunts us. Weakness, frailty, death.

It isn't just surgeons, the truth is, I don't know anyone who isn't haunted by something. Or

someone. And whether we try to slice the pain away with a scalpel or shove it in the back of a

closet, our efforts usually fail. So the only way we can clear out the cobwebs is to turn a new

page. Or, put an old story to rest. Finally, finally to rest.

Episode Six: Kung Fu Fighting

There's this thing about being a surgeon. Maybe it's pride, or maybe it's just about being tough,

but a true surgeon never admits they need help unless absolutely necessary. Surgeons don't

need to ask for help because they're tougher than that. Surgeons are cowboys. Rough around

the edges, hardcore. At least, that's what they want you to think.

Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. But being hardcore isn't justabout being tough. It's about acceptance. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to

not be hardcore for once. You don't have to be tough every minute of every day. It's okay to let

down your guard. In fact, there are moments when it's the best thing you could possibly do. As

long as you choose your moments wisely.

Episode Seven: Physical Attraction… Chemical Reaction

Before we were doctors, we were med students, which meant we spent a lot of time studying

chemistry. Organic chemistry. Biochemistry. We learned it all. But when you're talking about

human chemistry, only one thing matters. Either you've got it, or you don't.

Chemistry. Either you've got it, or you don't.

Episode Eight: Forever Young

There comes a point in your life when you're officially an adult. Suddenly, you're old enough to

vote, drink, and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly, people expect you to be

responsible. Serious. A grown-up. We get taller, we get older, but do we ever really grow up?

In some ways we grow up. We have families, we get married… divorced. But for the most part,

we still have the same problems that we did when we were fifteen. No matter how much we

grow taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling. Forever wondering. Forever… young.

Episode 9: Crash Into Me: Part 1

We go into medicine because we want to save lives. We go into medicine because we want to

do good. We go into medicine for the rush, for the high, for the ride. But what we remember at

the end of most days, are the losses. What we lay awake at night replaying is the pain we

caused, or failed to cure. The lives we ruined, or failed to save. So the experience of practicing



medicine rarely resembles the goal. The experience too often, is ass-backwards, and upside

down.

Episode Ten: Crash Into Me: Part 2

At the end of the day, the experience of practicing medicine bears little resemblance to the

dream. We go into medicine because we want to save lives. We go into medicine because we

want to do good. We go into medicine for the rush, for the high, for the ride. But what we

remember at the end of most days, are the losses. What we lie awake at night replaying is the

pain we caused. The ills we couldn't cure. The lives we ruined… or failed to save. The end of the

day, the reality is nothing like we hope. The reality is, at the end of the day, more often than

not, turned inside out and upside down.

Some days, the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, improbably, and when

you least expect it, the world rights itself again.

Episode 11: Lay Your Hands on Me

(Bailey voice-over) In the beginning, God created the heaven and the Earth. At least, that'swhat they say. He created the birds of the air and the beasts of the field. And He looked at His

creation and He saw that it was good. And then God created man, and it's been downhill ever

since. The story goes on to say that God created man in His own image, but there's not much

proof of that. After all, God made the sun, the moon, and the stars. And all man makes is

trouble. And when man finds himself in trouble, which is most of the time, he turns to

something bigger than himself, to love, or fate, or religion to make sense of it all. But, for a

surgeon, the only thing that makes any kind of sense, is medicine.

(Bailey voice-over) As doctors, we know more about the human body now than at any other

point in our history. But the miracle of life itself, why people live and die, why they hurt or get

hurt, is still a mystery. We want to know the reason, the secret, the answer at the back of thebook. Because the thought of our being all alone down here is just too much for us to bear. But

at the end of the day, the fact that we show up for each other, in spite of our differences, no

matter what we believe, is reason enough to keep believing.

Episode 12: Where the Wild Things Are

We like to think that we are rational beings. Humane. Conscientious. Civilized. Thoughtful. But

when things fall apart, even just a little, it becomes clear. We're no better than animals. We

have opposable thumbs, we think, we walk erect, we speak, we dream. But deep down, we're

all still rooting around in the primordial ooze. Biting, clawing, scratching out an existence in the

cold dark world like the rest of the tree toads and sloths.

There's a little animal in all of us. And maybe that's something to celebrate. Our animal instinct

is what makes us seek comfort, warmth, a pack to run with. We may feel caged, we may feel

trapped, but still, as humans, we can find ways to feel free. We are each other's keepers. We

are the guardians of our own humanity. And even though there's a beast inside all of us. What

sets us apart from the animals is that we can think, feel, dream, and love. And against all odds,

against all instinct, we evolve.



Episode 13: Piece of My Heart

Great surgeons aren't made, they're born. It takes gestation, incubation, sacrifice. A lot of

sacrifice. But after all the blood and guts and gooey stuff is washed away, that surgeon you

become? Totally worth it.

Giving birth may be all intense and magical and stuff, but the act itself? It's not exactly

pleasant. But it's also a beginning, of something incredible. Something new, something

unpredictable, something true, something worth loving, something worth missing, something

that will change your life… forever.

Episode 14: The Becoming

There's this person, in my head. She is brilliant. Capable. She can do chest tubes and

craniotomies, she can run a code without freaking out. She's a really good surgeon, maybe

even a great surgeon. She's me, only so much better.

Meredith is speaking to her therapist: And I'm afraid I'll never become this person in my head,

because something keeps getting in my way.

It was a good day. Maybe even a great day. I was a good doctor. Even when it was hard. I was

the me in my head. There was a moment when I thought, "I can't do this." "I can't do this

alone." But, I closed my eyes and imagined myself doing it. And I did. I blocked out the fear.

And I did it.

Meredith is speaking to her therapist: "It was a really good day."

Episode 15: Losing My Mind

The problem with being a resident is you feel crazy all the time. You haven't slept in years. You

spend every day around people in massive crisis. You lose your ability to judge what's normal…

in yourself, or anyone else. And yet people are constantly asking you to tell them how they're

doing. How the hell are you supposed to know? You don't even know how you're doing.

Don't wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don't. In the face of all we can lose in a

day… in an instant… wonder what the hell it is that makes us hold it together.

Episode 16: Freedom

My mother used to say that for a surgeon, a day without death is a rare gift. Every day we face

death. Every day we lose life. And every day, we're hoping for a stay of execution. We're

attached to death. Chained, like prisoners. Captives.

Season 5.

Episode 1/2. Dream a little dream of me.



We all remember the bedtime stories of our childhoods: the shoe fits Cinderella, the frog turns

into a prince, sleeping beauty is awakened with a kiss. Once upon a time… and then they lived

happily ever after… fairy tales, the stuff of dreams. The problem is fairy tales don't come true.

It's the other stories, the ones that begin with dark and stormy nights and end in the

unspeakable… it's the nightmares that always seem to become reality. …The person who

invented the phrase "happily ever after" should have his ass kicked so hard.

Once upon a time... happily ever after... the stories we tell are the stuff of dreams. Fairy tales don

come true. Reality is much stormier... much murkier... much scarier.

Episode 3. Here comes the flood

As surgeons, we are trained to fix what's broken. The breaking point is our starting line...at

work. But in our lives, the breaking point is a sign of weakness... And we'll do everything we

can to avoid it.

Bones break… organs burst... flesh tears... We can sew the flesh, repair the damage... ease the

pain. But when life breaks down... when we break down... there's no science, no hard and fast

rules. We just have to feel our way through, and to a surgeon, there's nothing worse and

there's nothing better.

Episode 4. Brave New World

In 6500 B.C. , some guy looked at his sick friend and said, "I have an idea. Why don't I drill a

hole in your skull? It'll make you feel better”. And thus, surgery was born. It takes a certain

brand of crazy to come up with an idea like drilling into somebody's skull. But surgeons have

always been a confident bunch. We usually know what we're doing, and when we don't, we still

act like we do. We walk boldly into undiscovered country, plant a flag and start ordering people

around. It's invigorating and terrifying.

We like to think we're fearless, eager to explore unknown lands and soak up new experiences,

but the fact is, we're always terrified. Maybe the terror is part of the attraction. Some people go

to horror movies. We cut things open, dive into dark waters. And at the end of the day, isn't

that what you'd rather hear about if you've got one drink and one friend and 45 minutes?

Smooth rides make for boring stories. - A little calamity-- that's worth talking about.

Episode 5. There’s No I In Team

I am a rock. I am an island. That's the mantra of pretty much every surgeon I've ever met. We

like to think we're independent, loners, mavericks... That all we need to do our jobs is an O.R., a

scalpel and a willing body. But the truth is, not even the best of us can do it alone. Surgery, likelife, is a team sport. And eventually, you've got to get off the bench and decide which team are

you batting for.

The thing about choosing teams in real life, it's nothing like it used to be in gym class. Being

first pick can be terrifying. And being chosen last... isn't the worst thing in the world. So we

watch from the sidelines, clinging to our isolation... Because we know as soon as we let go of

the bench... someone comes along and changes the game completely.



Episode 6. Life During Wartime

For a surgeon, every patient is a battlefield. They're our terrain, where we advance, retreat...

try to remove all the land mines. And just when you think you've won the battle, made the

world safe again... along comes another land mine.

Some wars are never over. Some end in an uneasy truce. Some wars result... in complete and

total victory. And some wars... end in hope. But all these wars are nothing... compared to the

most frightening war of all... The one you have yet to fight.

Episode 7. Rise Up

If you're a normal person, one of the few things you can count on in life is death. But if you're a

surgeon... even that comfort is taken away from you. Surgeons cheat death. We prolong it, we

deny it. We stand and defiantly give death the finger. ….We're born, we live, we die.

Sometimes not necessarily in that order. We put things to rest... only to have them rise up

again. So if death is not the end, what can you count on anymore? Life is the most fragile,

unstable, unpredictable thing there is. In fact, there's only one thing about life we can be sure

of...

Episode 8. These Ties That Bind

It's intense, what happens in the O.R. When lives are on the line... and you're poking at brains

like they're silly putty. You form a bond with the surgeon right next to you. An unbreakable,

indescribable bond. It's intimate, being tied together like that. Whether you like it or not,

whether you like them or not, you become family. The ties that bind us are sometimes

impossible to explain. They connect us even after it seems like the ties should be broken. Some

bonds defy distance… and time... and logic. Because some ties are simply... meant to be.

Episode 9. In The Midnight Hour

When you're little, nighttime is scary because there are monsters hiding right under the bed.

When you get older, the monsters are different. Self-doubt... loneliness... regret. Though you

may be older and wiser, you still find yourself scared of the dark.

Sleep... It's the easiest thing to do. You just... close your eyes. But for so many of us, sleep

seems out of our grasp. We want it. But... we don't know how to get it. But once we face our

demons... face our fears... and turn to each other for help... nighttime isn't so scary because...

we realize we aren't all alone in the dark.

Episode 10. All By Myself

My mother called it the greatest and most terrifying moment in her life. Standing at the head of the surgical table, knowing that a patient's life depends on you and you alone... it's what we alldream about. Because the first person that gets to fly solo in the O.R.? Kind of a badass.

We enter the world alone and we leave it alone. And everything that happens in between? We

owe it to ourselves to find a little company. We need help, we need support. Otherwise we're in

it by ourselves... strangers... cut off from each other. And we forget... just how connected we all



are. So instead, we choose love... we choose life... and for a moment... we feel just a little bit

less alone.

Episode 11. Wish You Were Here

We all get at least one good wish a year over the candles on our birthday. Some of us throw in

more-- on eyelashes... fountains... lucky stars. And every now and then... one of those wishes

comes true. So what then? Is it as good as we hoped? Do we bask in the warm glow of our

happiness? Or... do we just notice we've got a long list of other wishes waiting to be wished?

We don't wish for the easy stuff. We wish for big things... things that are ambitious... out of

reach. We wish because we need help... and we're scared... and we know we may be asking too

much. We still wish, though... because... sometimes... they come true.

Episode 12. Sympathy For The Devil

My mother used to say this about residency-- it takes a year to learn how to cut... it takes a

lifetime to learn not to. Of all of the tools on a surgical tray... sound judgment is the trickiest

one to master. And without it, we're all just toddlers running around with 10-blades.

We're human. We make mistakes. We misestimate... we call it wrong. But when a surgeon

makes a bad judgment call, it's not as simple. People get hurt. They bleed. So we struggle over

every stitch. We agonize... over every suture. During surgery. Because the snap judgments,

the ones that come to us quickly and easily, without hesitation.... they're the ones that haunt

us forever.

Episode 13. Stairway to Heaven

I believe in heaven. I also believe in hell. I've never seen either, but I believe they exist; theyhave to exist...because without a heaven...without a hell...we're all just headed for limbo.

Heaven... hell… limbo... no one really knows where we're going... Or what's waiting for us when

we get there. But the one thing we can say for sure, with absolute certainty... is that there are

moments that take us to another place... Moments of heaven on earth... And maybe for now,

that's all we need to know.

Episode 14. Beat Your Heart Out

Any first-year med student knows that an increased heart rate is a sign of trouble. A racing

heart could indicate anything. From a panic disorder... to something much, much more serious.

A heart that flutters... or one that skips a beat... could be a sign of a secret affliction... or it

could indicate romance... which is the biggest trouble of all.

It seems we have no control whatsoever... over our own hearts. Conditions can change without

warning. Romance can make the heart pound... just like panic can...

Episode 15. Before And After

Every patient's story starts the same way... it starts with them being fine. It starts in the

before. They cling to this moment, this memory of being fine, this before... As though talking



about it might somehow bring it back. But what they don't realize is that the fact that they're

talking about it to us, their doctors... By the time they see us... they're already in the after. And

while every patient's story starts the same way... how the story ends depends on us, on how

well we diagnosis and treat. We know the story hinges on us... and we all want to be the hero.

Episode 16. An Honest Mistake

There's this thing that happens when people find out you're a doctor. They stop seeing you as a

person and begin to see you as something bigger than you are. They have to see us that way,

as gods. Otherwise we're just like everyone else-- unsure... flawed... normal. So we act strong,

we remain stoic. We hide the fact that we're all too human.

Patients see us as gods... or they see us as monsters. But the fact is, we're just people. We

screw up....we lose our way. Even the best of us have our off days. Still, we move forward. We

don't rest on our laurels or celebrate the lives we've saved in the past. There's always some

other patient that needs our help. So we force ourselves to keep trying, to keep learning. In the

hope that... maybe, someday...we'll come just a little bit closer to the gods our patients need us

to be.

Episode 17. I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Every surgeon has a shadow... A dark cloud of fear and doubt that follows even the best of us

into the O.R. We pretend the shadow isn't there... hoping that if we save more lives, master

harder techniques, run faster and farther, it'll get tired and give up the chase. But like they

say... you can't outrun your shadow.

Every surgeon has a shadow... and the only way to get rid of a shadow... is to turn off the

lights…to stop running from the darkness... and face what you fear... head - on.

Episode 18. Stand By Me

Surgeons aren't known for being warm and cuddly. They're arrogant, impatient. Mean as often

as not. You think they wouldn't have friends 'cause who could stand them? But surgeons...are

like a bad cold. Nasty, but persistent. Surgeons…nasty, aggressive, unstoppable. Just the kind

of people you want on your side when you're really screwed.

Practicing medicine doesn't lend itself well to making friends...maybe because life and

mortality... Are in our faces all the time... maybe because in staring down death every

day...We're forced to know that life...every minute... is borrowed time. And each person we let

ourselves care about…is just one more loss somewhere down the line. For this reason... I know

some doctors who just don't bother making friends at all. But the rest of us...we make it our jobto move that line...to push each loss...as far away as we can.

Episode 19. Elevator Love Letter

Surgeons are all messed up. We're butchers, messed-up knife-happy butchers. We cut people

up. We move on. Patients die on our watch. We move on. We cause trauma. We suffer trauma.

We don't have time to worry about how all the blood, and death, and crap really makes us feel.



Doesn't matter how tough we are... Trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home... It

changes our lives... Trauma messes everybody up. But maybe that's the point. All the pain and

the fear and the crap... going through all of that Is what keeps us moving forward. It's what

pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up before we can step up.

Episode 20. Sweet Surrender

Defeat isn't an option... not for surgeons. We don't back away from the table till the last

breath's long gone. "Terminal”' is a challenge. "Life-threatening” is what gets us out of bed in

the morning. We're not easily intimidated... we don't flinch... we don't back down... and we

certainly don't surrender... not at work anyway.

To do our jobs... we have to believe defeat is not an option... that no matter how sick our

patients get... There's hope for them. But even when our hopes give way to reality and we

finally have to surrender to the truth... it just means we've lost today's battle... not tomorrow's

war. Here’s the thing about surrender... once you do it... actually give in... you forget why you

were even fighting in the first place.

Episode 21. No Good at Saying Sorry

Remember when we were little, and we would accidentally bite a kid on the playground? Our

teachers would go, "say you're sorry. And we would say it, but we wouldn't mean it. Because

the stupid kid we bit? Totally deserved it. But as we get older, making amends... isn't so simple.

After the playground days are over, you can't just say it. You have to mean it. Of course, when

you become a doctor, "sorry" is not a happy word. It either means, "you're dying ,and I can't

help"... Or it means, "this is really gonna hurt.”

As doctors, we can't undo our mistakes, and we rarely forgive ourselves for them, but it's a

hazard of the trade. But as human beings, we can always try to do better, to be better, to right

a wrong even when it feels irreversible. Of course "I'm sorry" doesn't always cut it. Maybebecause we use it so many different ways-- as a weapon, as an excuse. But when we are really

sorry, when we use it right, when we mean it... When our actions say what words never can...

when we get it right, "I'm sorry" is perfect. When we get it right... "I'm sorry" is redemption.

Owen Hunt: It's my shrink. My shrink gave me these sentences-- we--we, uh, we came up with

them together. They're all 3-word sentences so I'd have things to say to you instead of the

three words that are... that are killing me... the three words that you know I feel but I can't say

them, because it would be cruel to say them because I am no good for you. I don't want to

torture you. I don't want to look at you longingly when I know I can't be with you. So, yeah, I'm

smiling and I'm saying "take care now. " I'm letting you off the hook. I'm trying. I'm trying so

hard to let you off the hook. I'm trying to make it right, what I did to you. Can't you see that?

I'm just trying to make it right.

Episode 22. What a Difference a Day Makes

You never know the biggest day of your life is going to be the biggest. The days you think aregoing to be the big ones they're never as big as you make them out to be in your head.



You never know the biggest day of your life Is the biggest day... not until it's happening. Youdon't recognize the biggest day of your life. Not until you're right in the middle of it. The dayyou commit to something or... someone. The day you get your heart broken. It's...the regulardays... the ones that... start out normal. Those are the days that end up being the biggest. Theday you meet your soul mate... the day you realize... there's not enough time. Because youwant to live forever... Those are the biggest days... the perfect days... you know?

Episode 23/ 24. Here’s to future days

When something begins, you generally have no idea how it's going to end: the house you were

going to sell becomes your home roommates you were forced to take in become your family.

And the one-night stand you were determined to forget becomes the love of your life.

We spend our whole lives worrying about the future... planning for the future, trying to predict

the future… as if figuring it out will somehow cushion the blow. But the future is always

changing…future is the home of our deepest fears... and our wildest hopes .But one thing is

certain...when it finally reveals itself... the future...is never the way we imagined it.

Doctors spend a lot of time focused on the future, planning it, working toward it. But at somepoint you start to realize your life is happening now. Not after med school, not after residency,

right now. This is it. It's here. Blink and you'll miss it.

Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life.' Did you

say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around. Drink it

in. 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.

Season 6.

Episode 1/2. Good Mourning & Goodbye

According to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, when we are dying... or have suffered a catastrophic loss,

we all move through five distinct stages of grief. - we go into denial... Because the loss is so

unthinkable, we can't imagine it's true. We become angry with everyone-- angry with survivors,

angry with ourselves. Then we bargain... We beg, we plead... We offer everything we have. We

offer up our souls... in exchange...for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and

the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have toaccept that we have done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance.

In medical school, we have a hundred classes that teach us how to fight off death... and not

one lesson in how to go on living.

The dictionary defines grief as, "keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss. Sharp

sorrow. Painful regret. " As surgeons, as scientists, we're taught to learn from and rely on



books, on definitions, on definitives. But in life... strict definitions rarely apply. In life... grief can

look like a lot of things that bear little resemblance to sharp sorrow.

Grief may be a thing we all have in common... but it looks different on everyone. It isn't just

death we have to grieve. It's life... it's loss... it's change. and when we wonder why it has to

suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad... the thing we gotta try to remember is that it can

turn on a dime... that's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can't breathe, that's

how you survive... by remembering that one day, somehow... impossibly... it won't feel this

way, it won't hurt this much. Grief comes in its own time for everyone... in its own way. So the

best we can do... the best anyone can do... is try for honesty. The really crappy thing, the very

worst part of grief, is that you can't control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it

when it comes... and let it go when we can. The very worst part is that the minute you think

you're past it, it starts all over again and always, every time... it takes your breath away. There

are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five... denial...

anger... bargaining... depression... acceptance.

Episode 3. I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watchin' Me

Paranoia... gives you an edge in the O.R. Surgeons play out worst-case scenarios in their heads.

You're ready to close, you got the bleeder, you know it, but there's that voice in your head

asking... What if you didn't? What if the patient dies and you could've prevented it? So you

check your work one more time before you close. Paranoia is a surgeon's best friend.

We're all susceptible to it... the dread and anxiety of not knowing what's coming. It's pointless

in the end... Because all the worrying... and all the making of plans for things that could or

could not happen... it only makes things worse. So walk your dog... or take a nap. Just,

whatever you do, stop worrying. Because the only cure for paranoia... is to be... here... just as

you are.

Owen Hunt: You need to stop thinking about what's gonna happen, and you need to focus on

what is right in front of you. Now hit the ball!

Episode 4: Tainted Obligation

We begin life with few obligations … we pledge allegiance to the flag, we swear to return our

library books. But as we get older, we take vows, we make promises, we get burdened by

commitments to do no harm, to tell the truth and nothing but, to love and cherish till death dous part. So we just keep running up a tab until we owe everything to everybody, and suddenly

think, what the... ?

The thing about being a surgeon... everybody wants a piece of you. We take one little oath...

and suddenly, we're drowning in obligations...to our patients, to our colleagues, to medicine

itself. So we do what any sane person would do: we run like hell from our promises, hoping

they'll be forgotten. But sooner or later, they always catch up. and sometimes you find the

obligation you dread the most... isn't worth running from at all.



Episode 5: Invasion

When you get sick, it starts out with a single bacteria, one lone nasty intruder. Pretty soon, the

intruder duplicates… becomes two, then those two become four...a nd those four become

eight. Then… before your body knows it... it's under attack. It's an invasion. The question for a

doctor is, once the invaders have landed, once they've taken over your body... how the hell do

you get rid of them?

What do you do when the infection hits you... when it takes over? Do you do what you're

supposed to and take your medicine? Or do you learn to live with the thing... and hope

someday it goes away? Or do you just give up entirely and let it kill you?

Episode 6. I Saw What I Saw

In order to get a good diagnosis, doctors have to constantly change their perspectives. We start

by getting the patient's point of view... though they often don't have a clue what's going on. So

we look at the patient from every possible angle, we rule things out, we uncover new

information...trying to get to what's actually wrong. We're asked for second opinions, hoping

we'll see something others might have missed. For the patient, a fresh perspective can mean

the difference between living and dying. For the doctor... it can mean you're picking a fight with

everyone who got there before you.

When we're headed toward an outcome that's too horrible to face... that's when we go looking

for a second opinion. And sometimes, the answer we get just confirms our worst fears. But

sometimes... it can shed new light on the problem... make you see it in a whole new way. After

all the opinions have been heard, and every point of view has been considered... you finally find

what you were after...the truth. But the truth isn't where it ends. That's just where you begin

again... With a whole new set of questions.

Episode 7. Give Peace a Chance

Derek: Ask most surgeons why they became surgeons, and they usually tell you the same

thing... It was for the high, the rush, the thrill that comes from cutting someone open and

saving their life. For me, it was different. Maybe it's because I grew up in a house with four

sisters... No, definitely because I grew up in a house with four sisters... but it was the quiet that

drew me to surgery. The operating room is a quiet place, peaceful. It has to be in order for us to

stay alert, anticipate complications. When you stand in the OR, your patient open on the table...

all the world's noise, all the worry that it brings... disappears. A calm settles over you, time

passing without thought... for that moment, you feel completely at peace.

Ask most surgeons why they became surgeons, they usually tell you the same thing... the high,the rush, the thrill of the cut. For me, it was the quiet. Peace... isn't a permanent state. It exists

in moments... fleeting... gone before we even knew it was there. We can experience it at any

time... in the stranger's act of kindness... a task that requires complete focus... or simply the

comfort of an old routine. Every day, we all experience these moments of peace. The trick is to

know when they're happening so that we can embrace them, live in them... and finally let them

go.



Episode 8. Invest in Love

It's impossible to describe the panic that comes over you when you're a surgeon and your

pager goes off in the middle of the night. Your heart starts to race, your mind freezes, your

fingers go numb, you're invested. They're someone's mom, someone's dad, someone's kid,

and now it's on you, because that someone's life is now in your hands. As surgeons, we're

always invested in our patients. But when your patient's a child, you're responsible...

responsible for whether or not that child survives, has a future. And that's enough to terrify

anyone.

They say, the bigger your investment the bigger your return. But you have to be willing to take

a chance. You have to understand... you might lose it all. But if you take that chance, if you

invest wisely... the payoff might just surprise you.

Episode 9. New History

Doctors live in a world of constant progress, and forward motion. Stand still for a second, and

you’ll be left behind. But as hard as we try to move forward... as tempting as it is to never look

back...the past always comes back to bite us in the ass. And as history shows us again and

again, those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.

Sometimes the past is something you just can't let go of. And sometimes the past is something

we'll do anything to forget. And sometimes we learn something new about the past... that

changes everything we know about the present.

Episode 10. Holidaze

The best gift I ever got was for Christmas when I was 10. My very first suture kit. I used it until

my fingers bled, and then I tried to use it to stitch up my fingers. It put me on the path to

becoming a surgeon. My point is, sometimes the best gifts come in really surprising packages.

Every day, we get to give the gift of life. It can be painful, it can be terrifying...But in the end,

it's worth it. Every time. We all have the opportunity to give. Maybe the gifts are not as

dramatic as what happens in the operating room. Maybe the gift is to try and make a simple

apology. Maybe it's to understand another person's point of view. Maybe it's to hold a secret for

a friend. The joy, supposedly, is in the giving. So when the joy is gone...When the giving starts

to feel more like a burden that's when you stop. But if you're like most people I know... You give

till it hurts...And then you give some more.

Episode 11: Blink

We assume the really serious changes in our lives happen slowly...over time. But it's not true.

The big stuff happens in an instant. Whoa. Becoming an adult, becoming a parent, becoming a

doctor-- One minute you're not, and the next...you are. Ask any doctor, and they can point to

the one moment they became physician .It usually isn't med school graduation day. Whatever

it is... Nobody forgets it. Sometimes you don't even know anything's changed. You think you're

still you and your life is still your life. But you wake up one day and look around, and you don't

recognize anything...Not anything at all.



You never forget the moment you become a doctor. A switch flips…Suddenly you're not playing

dress up anymore. You own the white coat. What you may not notice is the moment that being

a doctor...Changes you.

Episode 12: I Like You So Much Better When You’re Naked

Number one rule of surgery is limit exposure. Keep your hands clean, your incisions small and

your wounds covered. Number two rule of surgery is when rule number one stops working. Try

something else... because sometimes you can't limit exposure. Sometimes the injury is so bad

that you have to cut and cut big.

In surgery... the healing process begins with a cut, an incision, the tearing of flesh. We have to

damage the healthy flesh...In order to expose the unhealthy. It feels cruel... and against

common sense, but it works. You risk exposure... for the sake of healing. And when it's

over...once the incision has been closed... you wait. You wait. And you hope that your patient

will heal...that you haven't in fact just made everything worse..

Episode 13: State of Love and Trust

Derek: we ask a lot of our patients. We put them to sleep, cut them open, poke around in their

brains and guts with sharp instruments. We ask for their blind trust. Irony is, trust is hard for

surgeons, because we're trained from day one that we can't trust anyone but ourselves. The

only instincts you can count on are your own... The only skills you can count on are your own.

Until one day, you leave the classroom and step into the o.R. You're surrounded by others, a

team of others... a team that you have to rely on...whether you trust them or not.

Derek: I know it's been a long day, and you're all anxious to get home. But I feel like we got off

on the wrong foot this morning. I don't expect to win your trust overnight. But I want each of

you to know... you have mine. Which is why I felt it was important to personally come in here

and, uh, apologize. I am neither pro nor anti merger. From this point on, everyone has a cleanslate. I am not focused on the past. I'm looking to the future... To all the promise this hospital

has to offer. I plan to honor chief webber and his legacy, not undo it... Which is why I'm both

humbled and honored...to be your new chief of surgery.

Episode 14 : Valentine’s Day Massacre

The surgical scalpel is made of sterilized, carbonized, stainless steel. This is a vast

improvement over the first scalpel, which was pretty much a sharp stick. Medicine is constantly

reinventing itself. That means surgeons have to keep reinventing themselves, too. There's

more to life than the hospital. constant pressure to adapt to changes. It can be a painful

process. But without it... You'll find yourself moving backwards instead of forwards.

We have to keep reinventing ourselves... almost every minute... because the world can change

in an instant... And there's no time for looking back. Sometimes they happen by accident... And

we make the most of them. We have to constantly come up with new ways to fix ourselves. So

we change. We adapt. We create new versions of ourselves. We just need to be sure that this

one is an improvement over the last.

Episode 15: The Time Warp



Richard: I've seen a lot of surgery residents come and go in my time. And they're all addicted to

surgery. It comes before food, before sleep, it becomes the most important thing. The only

thing. What they don't know is that living on that high... can eat them alive. Some make it

through. They come out on the other side. They survive with their sanity intact. They become...

better doctors and stronger people. I didn't. I broke. I didn't kill anybody. And I give thanks for

that every day. But I hurt people, and scared the hell out of myself. I am 45 days sober today. I

am Richard, and I am a grateful and recovering alcoholic.

Richard : It changes you... this work. Your patients, your colleagues... you change each other.

You don't ever think you'll lose your way. But what happens in this hospital... just remember

why you came here. You said it the day you graduated from med school. You took the

physician's oath. Remember it. Tape it to your locker, to your bathroom mirror... 'Cause it is too

easy to lose your way.

I solemnly pledge to consecrate my life to the service of humanity. I will give to my teachers...

the respect and gratitude that is their due. I will practice my profession with conscience and

dignity. The health of my patients will be my number one consideration. I will respect the

secrets that are confided in me, even after my patient has die, I will maintain, by all the meansin my power.. the honor and the noble traditions of the medical profession. My colleagues will

be my sisters and brothers. I will not permit considerations of age, disease or disability...

creed... ethnic origin... gender... race... political affiliation... nationality... sexual orientation...

social standing... or any other factor to intervene between my duty... and my patient. I will

maintain the utmost respect for human life. I will not use my medical knowledge to violate

human rights and civil liberties, even under threat. I make these promises solemnly... freely...

and upon my honor.

Episode 16: Perfect Little Accident

Surgeons are detail-oriented. We like statistics and checklists and operating procedures. Ourpatients live because we enjoy following the steps. But as we much as we'd love to always rely

on the numbers... the plan, we also know that some of the greatest medical discoveries have

happened by accident. Mold--penicillin. Poisonous tree bark-- A cure for malaria. A little blue pill

for high blood pressure... Impotence be damned. It's hard for us to accept that it's not always

the hard work... Or attention to detail that'll give us the answers we're looking for. But

sometimes we just have to sit back, relax and wait for the happy accident.

No matter how many plans we make or steps we follow... We never know how our day is going

to end up. We'd prefer to know, of course, what curve balls will be thrown our way. It's the

accidents that always turn out to be the most interesting parts of our day, of life... The people

we never expected to show up... the turn of events we never would've chosen for ourselves. Allof a sudden, you find yourself somewhere you never expected to be. And it's nice... or it takes

some getting used to. Still, you know you'll find yourself appreciating it somewhere down the

line. So you go to sleep each night thinking about tomorrow... going over your plans...

preparing the lists... and hoping that whatever accidents come your way... will be happy ones.

Episode 17: Push

Episode 18: Suicide Is Painless



Dying isn't easy. The body was designed to stay alive. Thick skulls, strong hearts, keen senses.

And when the body starts to fail... medicine takes over. Surgeons are arrogant enough to think

there's no one we can't save.

Dr. Avery: Yeah, well, the key is to think of yourself as one of the whos down in whoville. You

know, when, um, the Grinch came down and stole all their presents... they didn't let that ruin

Christmas for them. You know, instead, they came out on Christmas morning and they sang.

Living is better than dying... until it's not. But even if letting a person die is the right thing to

do... It's not what surgeons are built for. We are arrogant and competitive. We don't like to

lose... and death... feels like a loss... even when we know it's not. We know we did everything

we could. But it's hard to shake the feeling that we could've done more.

Episode 19: Sympathy for the Parents?????????????????????????????????/

Psychologists believe that every aspect of our lives, all thoughts and behavior patterns are the

direct result of our relationship to our parents. That every relationship we have is really just

another version of that first relationship. It’s just us trying over and over again to get it right.

Episode 20: Hook, Line and Sinner

Cuts...Infection...Genetic mutation.

Episode 21: How Insensitive

The skin is the largest organ in the body. It protects us. Hold us together. Literally lets us know

what we are feeling. The skin can be soft and vulnerable... Highly sensitive... easy to break. The

skin doesn't matter to a surgeon. We'll cut right through it, go inside... Find out the secrets

underneath.

Episode 22: Shiny Happy People

It’s a common belief that positive thinking leads to a happier, healthier life. As children, we're

told to smile and be cheerful and put on a happy face. As adults, we're told to look on the

bright side, to make lemonade and see glasses as half full. Sometimes, reality can get in the

way...of our ability to act the happy part, though. Your health can fail, boyfriends can cheat,

friends can disappoint... It's in these moments when you just want to get real, to drop the act

and be your true...scared, unhappy self

Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple: to be happy. Maybe it's

this expectation, though, the wanting to be happy...that just keeps us from ever getting there.

Maybe the more we try and will ourselves to states of bliss, the more confused we get... to thepoint where we don't recognize ourselves. Instead, we just keep smiling trying like hell to be

the happy people we wish we were. Until eventually it hits us, it's been there all along. Not in

our dreams or hopes but in the known, the comfortable...the familiar.

Episode 23: Sanctuary



Most people would prefer chuor home.Chool... While my mom was on rounds, I learned to read

in the o.R. Gallery, I played in the morgue, I colored with crayons on old e.R. Charts. The

hospital was my church... My school... My home. The hospital was my safe place... My

sanctuary. I love it here. Correction. Loved it here.

Episode 24: Death and All His Friends

the human life is made up of choices-Yes or no, in or out, up or down. And then there are the

choices that matter... (gunshot) To love or hate... To be a hero or to be a coward... To fight or to

give in... To live... Or die. That's the important choice. And it's not always in our hands.

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Grey's Stuff