Grey Gardens Script

Little EdieThis is the best thing to wear for the day. You understand. Because I don't like women in skirts, and the best thing is to wear pantyhose or some pants... under a short skirt, I think. Then you have the pants under the skirt, and then you can pull the stockings up over the pants, underneath the skirt.And you can always take off the skirt and use it as a cape.So I think this is the best costume for the day. (Laughs)I have to think these things up, you know.Mother wanted me to come out in a kimono, so we had quite a fight.Do you think my costume looks all right. This is the revolutionary costume.I never wear this in East Hampton. You know; they can get you in East Hampton for wearing red shoes on a Thursday... and all that sort of thingI don't know whether you know that. You can't be too careful. It's very difficult... to keep the line between the past and the present.It's awfully difficult.

Big EdieEdie! What are you doing down there? Just standing there?

Little Edie Whiskers!

Big EdieWhiskers has disappeared?

Little EdieA cat got out. I'm trying to get him in. I don't know how he got out.

Big EdieI think he got out in that hole there.I think he got out in that hole.

Little EdieHe can jump up there.

Big EdieYeah. No, he got out in that hole, Edie

Little EdieI put them all out. You told me to.

Big EdieNo, dearie, he got out in the hole, babe.

Little Edie''Take the cats out; ''you said.

Big EdieDid you hear what I said, woman?

Little EdieWhat?

Big EdieHe got out in this hole here.That was the noise we heard.That raccoon did that to my new wall.Isn't that terrible? They'll have the whole house down soon.

Little EdieYeah; we'll be raided again.We'll be raided again by the village of East Hampton..Big EdieThat is a beautiful ocean today; isn't it?What color would you say that was? Sort of sapphire?I've never seen anything like that ocean in the years I've been here... the best in years. Oh Edie,are you around?

Little EdieI haven't been out of this goddamn horrible place... in two years.God, if you knew how I felt. I'm ready to kill.

Little EdieI locked all the cats away.

Big EdieDon't be so mean. They don't wanna be locked away. The poor little kitties. You know kitties adore sun.

Little EdieI suppose I won't get out of here till she dies or I die.

Big EdieWho's she? The cat?

Little EdieI don't know when I'm gonna get out of here.

Big EdieWhy do you want to get out? Another place'd be much worse.

Little EdieCause I don't like it.

Big EdieAny place will be much worse.

Little EdieAny place on earth. Yeah, but I like freedom.

Big Edie Well, you can't get it, darling. You're being supported. You can't get any freedom when you're being supported. Little EdieYeah; but ... You cant?

Big Edie No; you can't.I think you're not free when you're not being supported.

Little EdieYou have to toe the mark. It's awful both ways.

Big EdieWhen are you gonna learn, Edie?You're in this world, you know. You're not out of the world.

Little EdieMother; you don't have enough clothes on.

Big EdieWell, I hope I'm gonna get naked in just a minute, so you better watch out.

Little EdieThat's what I'm afraid of.

Big EdieYeah; for what ? I haven't got any warts on me.

Little EdieMother!

Big EdieI haven't got any warts on me.

Little EdieThat isn't the point, Mother darling. It's very hard to live nowadays. Living is very difficult.

Big EdieWell;you know where you got; being like that.No husband; no babies; nothing.(Long pause)

Little Edie(Reading from an old book with a spy glass)

''The Libra husband is not an easy man to please.The monotony of domesticity is not to his liking, but he is a passionate man and a respecter of tradition.''

Thats it, All I have to do is find this Libra man.

''The Libra husband is reasonable. He is a born judge, and no other zodiacal type...can... order his life... with so much wisdom.''

My God ! That's all I need ... order.That's all I need ... an ordered life. You know, a manager.

But he's got to be a Libran.

''The Libra husband does not seek divorce..."

I don't believe in divorce at all.

My father got a, got a fake Mexican divorce, and he... did have, you know, what he called another wife.

But we didn't recognize it. It wasn't recognized by the Catholic Church. They don't recognize it, you know.

''The Libra husband does not seek divorce... unless the conditions of his life... are not adjustable.''The conditions of life are not adjustable. (Lx change to interior of room)

Big Edie Oh, Edie, it's not the best one. This is the worst one of my wedding pictures.

Little Edie The others look worse. I think that's terrific.

Big Edie I was gonna be a singer you know. A professional singer. When I met Mr. Beale, the jig was up.

Little Edie Do you remember this? ( holding up old photograph)

Big Edie May I see that, please?

Little Edie The villain of the piece.''To my best friend and most delightful comrade, to my only sweetheart and wonderful wife; I tender this likeness of her husband Phelan Beale.

Big Edie So we did love each other.

Little Edie Did I laugh when I read that?

Big Edie Aren't kids terrible?

Little Edie I just roared. When people don't speak, they never get divorced.

Big Edie I've been a very happy woman all my life.

Little Edie Shall we talk about Gould?Gould, Mother's accompanist.

Big Edie He was a boogiewoogie composer who had the most terrific style.He was the most brilliant man I've ever met.That's including Mr. Beale and Mr. Bouvier. Completely brilliant.

Little Edie This is cute, Mother. I like that very much. (Hands photograph to mother)

Big Edie You said Michelle Beale stole this, didn't you, Edie?

Little Edie I never did. She'd never do that.

Big Edie See how fat I was, Edie? Did I look like a good mother? Was I a good mother?I didn't starve my children, did I? Fed 'em. Fed 'em well.They were very nice children. I enjoyed them tremendously.I'm crazy about my two sons; absolutely mad about them.Well; the boys were; were not hard to handle at all.They were very easy to handle.I saw them every minute; every single minute.

Little Edie Oh; they never got any discipline; my brothers.

Big Edie They didn't need it.

Little Edie They never got any discipline.

Big Edie They were absolutely perfect.

Little Edie Mother, I'm mad about these pictures of you.

Big Edie Oh; no; don't take those.

Little Edie We'll just put them right over here. (Starts to snatch the photographs from mother)

Big Edie Oh; no; I want those out. Will you give me those; please?

Little Edie No, you can't have them.

Big Edie I want them; Edie. I will never see them again. Now; I want those pictures.I want those pictures; Edie. No; give me those pictures. I don't want to ask again! Come on.

Little Edie You can't expose them to the light in here.

Big Edie No, I want... It's my picture.

(Photograph tears)

Little Edie Look what you made me do.

Big Edie Well, you did it! Look what you did.Don't touch that!

(Little Edie Laughing )

Big Edie I lived alone for years.II didn't mind. You get very independent when you live alone.You get to be a real individual.

Little Edie You can't have your cake and eat it too in life?

Big Edie Oh yes I did. I did. I had my cake; loved it; masticated it; chewed it... and had everything I wanted.You can't have your cake and eat it too?I had a very, very happy, satisfying life.

Little Edie Well, you had a rich husband,you should have stayed with him. Now you might as well face it.

Big Edie What ! For money ?

Little Edie You were bored.

Big Edie Why; I was not. I was a great singer. I had a perfect marriage, beautiful children.Terribly successful marriage. Never had a fight in my life. I never threw anything at Mr. Beale. Never.

(Little Edie laughing)

Little Edie Threw the bull around, as they say.

Big Edie No, I never had any words with Mr. Beale at all.I came down here to live in this, in this house because I did all my singing here.I was so happy. I was happier going out and singing... than anything I've ever done since I was born.I liked it better than anything I ever did.Edie, Edie bring in the...bring in the orchestration... of ''Tea for two"I have to get my voice exactly back the way it was .

Little Edie You can't; Mother darling.

Big Edie Oh, yes, I can. Oh, yes!

Little Edie Something happens; face it.

Big Edie I never strained my voice ever in my life.

Little Edie Oh; but I strain my voice from yelling and screaming.

Big Edie I've never smoked cigarettes.Why; I can get it back in about a month; just about. You know; good hard work.

(Singing) When we are together together, hmmmWe belong together We're happy togetherAnd life is a songWhen we are togetherWe know we are where we belongWhen we are togetherLike birds of a featherOf a feather

Together we thriveTogether we thrive

Little caring whetherLittle caring whetherThe rest of the worldThe rest of the world

(Record Sticks)

Big Edie Oh, my heart, what happened?

Big Edie Oh, that's terrible. Oh; I see. It repeats. Yes, that's very important, that last.That's the ''cazenza,''''cadenza,'' whatever you call it.

Little Edie Aren't you mad about your record?

Big Edie I was very serious about my singing. Loved it. After you hear that; you realize nothing is...

Little Edie Important.

Big Edie No; it isn't. Nothing.

Little Edie No man could compete against Mrs. Beale and Gould.

Big Edie We were pretty good.

Little Edie No man in the world.

Big EdieWell I worked hard

Little Edie Imagine bothering about anything when you have a talent like that ?

Big Edie Well, I had to take care of this house. I lived on no money.

Little Edie You were able to save the house on account of me.

Big Edie Yeah, I think that...

Little Edie I didn't want to live in East Hampton but I had to on account of this house.

Big Edie Well, now you see why you lived, because you had music all the time.And you went to the beach too.That's what you liked.Well, I think you liked your dancing.You were very good at that.

Little Edie That's why. Those are the only things

(Phonograph.: ''Tea for Two'')

(Big Edie singing)Tea for two, and two for teaAnd me for you, and you for meAlone

...to hear us so see us or hear usNo friends or relations and weekend vacations

We won't have it known, dear

that we own a telephone, noI'll awake and start to bakeA sugar cake for you to takeMmm, for all the boys to seeWe can raise a familyA girl for you; a boy for meOh, can't you see how happyWe could beTea for two

Big EdieThis is a dance. Come on, Edie. (Laughs )I used to do it myself, you know. I did that... the soft shoe.

See us or hear usNo friends or relationsand weekend vacationsThey won't have it know, dearthat we own a telephoneNo, no, noBut I'll awake and start to bakeA sugsugsugar cakecakecakeSee for all the boys to seeWe can raise a familyA girl for you, a boy for meOh, can't you seeHow happy we would be

Big Edie Edie; dance to that.A waltz. Come on. Get up Edie !Dance. A waltz.How can you resist that ?

(Coughing )

How can you resist that?

Oh, lalaLa, da, ah, ahOh, can't you seeHow happyWe would beWould be

Big Edie Terrific! Isn't that terrific?

Little EdieI've had enough. I almost die with the fleas in this place!I can't go on another year. I have to get to a hotel room!All I want is a little room. I can't stand a country house.(Laughing )In the first place, it makes me terribly nervous.

(Propeller Plane Overhead) (Laughs and looks up )I only hope it (Whispering) My God, do you think it's gonna stay up?

I'm scared to death of doors, locks, people roaming around in the background, under the trees, in the bushes.I'm absolutely terrified.I'm not a bit terrified of the city, not a bit.I like the terrible noise you hear at night... and all these terrible drilling sounds.

I never go to sleep unless the whole pavement is jumping outside... and it's a hundred degrees and that drill is just going...

(Makes Grunting Noise )

And then I just go to sleep.

Little Edie I worship the Catholic church.

Big Edie Oh; go on. What the hell?

Little Edie You get mad whenever I go. I'm gonna invite Father Huntington over to spend the whole entire night with me. That's what I'm gonna do.I love the church so much.

(Big Edie Humming )

(Little Edie Giggles ) (Big Edie Tuning Radio SFX radio clips and static)

Big Edie Here it is.

(Radio VO) Norman Vincent Peale To get on top of things and to stay there.

Big Edie Does that mean women too ?

VOFor if you do not do this it is very likely that things will get on top of you.

Little Edie Isn't he terrific ?

VOAnd since I always believe in a simple formula that is workable; I have a formula for you now.First: try, really try.

Little Edie Try; really try.

VOSecond: think, really think.

Little Edie Cute. Think; really think. VOAnd third: believe, really believe.

( SFX Radio static Tuning )

VOWell, you may say, '' How many times do I have to try ?''Why, it may be a good many times.

For example; I have in my pocket here a letter from a man in London; England.''Dear Dr. Peale; Over three years ago...I was in your great Marble Collegiate Church for the first time...and I was having it rough.

(Little Edie Snickers )

''The job I'd been doing had come to an end

(Little Edie Laughing )

Big Edie Your age; old gal.

VO''Your suggestion lived with me; plus the advice to try; really try

Little Edie He lived. I never lived.

VO ''Think; really think. Believe; really believe.I did think. I did work very hard to find a job. Eightyeight interviews.So did he or did he not get the job?He did.

Will he or will not handle himself... in the years that are to come?

He wasn't emotional.

He didn't get upset. He wasn't nervous.

Little Edie He wasn't me.

VOHe was cool. Now one thing is sure.The human mind will not function when it is hot. Only when it is cool and dispassionate...

Little Edie Dispassionate. That was the word I wanted the other day.

VO will it produce.

Little Edie I couldn't think of what it was.

VO I think it would be a good idea if every day every individual... would look at himself in the mirror earnestly and ask the question; ''Who am I ? Am I a weak person ?Am I a defeated person ? Am I an inferior person ?''Not at all. I am a child of God; and I was intended to get on top of things... and I was intended to stay there. Amen; amen

Little Edie And I was intended to stay there.

(Pause)

Little Edie Would you pass your mirror over here? I've got to see what I look like.(Laughing)

Big Edie Don't drop it.

Little Edie I see why I've got cataracts. I have a stigmatism, one eye pulled against the other, and I should've worn glasses and I didn't.

Big Edie Oh; I told you to wear glasses.

Little Edie I'll tell you about my teeth.

Big Edie Four years ago Edie. You got the glasses; and you didn't wear them.

Little Edie My teeth are still all right.

Big Edie You have to wear the glasses when; when you have any trouble. You have to.

(Little Edie Laughs)

Little Edie And my hair will grow... I hope. Here.

But, you see, in dealing with me... the relatives didn't know... that they were dealing with a staunch character. And I tell you, if there's anything worse than a staunch womanSTAUNCH.There's nothing worse, I'm telling you.

(Sighs)

(Holds up photograph)

I was... (Touches image on photograph) Look at this. I was in a fashion show.

(Laughs)

Big Edie Let me see that. May I see that? Wow! Look at that.

Little Edie I thought I was the cat's pajamas in that!

Big Edie You did; Edie. It's perfectly foolish of you not to look that way now. You could you know, if you didn't worry about everything. Dont you look like a girl that had everything? Huh?

Little Edie This has inspired me. I'll have to get another brown tailored suit and grow my hair. My God; I have no hair. I might still get married someday.

Big EdieOh, I did, I wanted you to.I picked out some nice men. You didn't like the men I picked out.

Little Edie They were horrible.

Big Edie You could have married that Gerald Getty. He was a millionaire; gave you a gorgeous ring. You decided not to marry him, you had to give the ring back.You had a proposal of marriage from Paul Getty.Remember Paul; the richest man in the world?

Little Edie He married Teddy Lynch.

Big Edie Then you could have married Jordan McClanahan. He was another millionaire; and he wanted to marry you.You just didn't want to get married. That's all blamed on me. Well; how old are you in these pictures ?

Little Edie Twentyfour.

Big Edie Twentyfour. That old? Very young looking for twentyfour.

Little Edie France had just fallen... to Hitler.

Big Edie But you never fell for a man. Little Edie Paris; Paris; excuse me.

Big Edie France fell; but Edie didn't fall.

Big Edie Yes. (pause)What time is it, chicken? I want to go in now.

Little Edie ''Two roads diverged in yellow wood... and pondering; pondering both or pondering each... pondering one I took the other... and that made all the difference.''

That's all you need...just three lines like that. ''Two roads diverged in yellow wood... and pondering one, I took the other... and that made all the difference.''

Isn't that amazing? They looked the same; and he probably couldn't tell and yet he...I wish I could remember the correct lines. I'm absolutely exhausted.I danced eight hours last night, practicing the, uh... the marching song. My God, my muscle ! I can't do it, I'm telling you. They're gone... with this soft life(Laughing)(SFX distant army drummer marching band)(Little Edie starts a marching dance and sings)

(Singing)We all march together for love is behindWe all stand together United we dieWe all march together for we love the landIt's the spirit of V.M.I.We all march together for life is unkind

( Laughing )

Hey; Mother! I'm working on my dance.

We all march together For life is unkind

INSERT MONOLOGUE

Big Edie Edie! Im starving! You see, she doesn't want to eat anymore 'cause she got so fat, so I have to sit here and starve all the time.

Little Edie How can I eat and look sexy too? I think I lost five pounds.

Big Edie I'm gonna die.

Little Edie Well; don't live with me.

Big Edie I want to eat. Will you eat some liver pate?

Little Edie Its not awfully good.

Big Edie If you put lemon with it; it's all right.

Little Edie I'm gonna die with this diet. I don't like it at all.

Big Edie Don't do it. Have a sandwich.

Little Edie I got fat not wearing clothes for two years.

Big Edie Oh; that wasn't it at all. It was the quarts and quarts of ice cream.

Little Edie When am I gonna get out of here?(Laughing )

Big Edie Oh, stop talking like that.

Little Edie When I get to New York, you're never gonna get me back to East Hampton.

Big Edie Oh, Edie, that isn't nice.

Little Edie Ever. Never !

Big Edie For goodness sakes! That's terrible!

Little Edie When I get to New York; brother; I'm not ever coming back.

Big Edie Well, you got in awful trouble there. It's a good thing you had a place to come to.

Little Edie I was discovered...but I needed training but...well; never mind.

Big Edie Oh, I wouldn't say anything good happened to you in New York.

Little Edie Are you kidding?

Big Edie No.

Little EdieI was discovered by Mr. Gordon. Big Edie People discover me every time I go out, but...

Little Edie Mr. Max Gordon went out of his mind.

Big Edie Oh, not Max Gordon. He never went to pieces in his life.

Little Edie He did !

Big Edie He did not. A very...

Little Edie I can't go back to ancient history. How can you remember so long?

Big Edie Now I'll have to get drunk.

Little Edie They gave me the letter to Max Gordon.

Big Edie I'll have to start drinking. I can't take it. Ah, you'll make a drunkard out of her mother.

Little Edie What crackers do you want? Do you want these?

Big Edie I don't like crackers. You know that.

Little Edie Just put a lemon on it.

Big Edie A little lemon.

Little Edie Max Gordon! Famous producer! He discovered Judy Holliday. He said I was much funnier.

Big Edie Well, you haven't been funny today, boy. You're lacking in humor.It's how you are when you grow older.

Little Edie I needed training. Where was I to get the training?

Big Edie You start when you're young, I had mine when I was young.

Little Edie Oh, stop.(Humming March)I should have immediately tried to get into something?

Little Edie I should have tried to get into something.

Big Edie Youre being impossible.

Little Edie Do you think I should have gotten into night club work?

Big Edie I had everything picked out.

Little Edie Father was alive! That was it. My father was alive.

Big Edie I was going around with a...

Little Edie My father was alive.

Big Edie Do you want to hear what I have to say? You could do anything. You could learn toe dancing. You could learn radio. You could learn all sorts of stage dancing.

Little Edie I couldn't go with you sitting here mother and model earrings.I couldn't go with my mother sitting here.

Big Edie And you; you could have...

Little Edie I had deep responsibility for you; Mother.

Big Edie I was taken care of for 23 years!

Little Edie Ah, the hallmark of aristocracy is responsibility, is that it?

(Propeller Plane Overhead)

I'm not gonna spend this winter in East Hampton. In the first place, I can't. I just can't. I can't spend another winter out here in the country. I can't do it. I don't enjoy it.Furthermore, I'm telling you. I can't get my figure back unless I hit New York City. You know.

Big Edie That icebox is too near.

Little Edie I've gotta get away from that icebox.

(Humming March)

Big Edie Edie!

Little Edie What?

Big Edie Edie!

Little Edie What? I fed the cats! I just have to leave for New York City and lead my own life. I don't see any other future.

Big Edie Will you shut up! It's a goddamn beautiful day! Shut up! Paris is the place for you. Get on stage in Paris at the Follies Bergere.

Little Edie The point is that I came down here to take care of you mother. I'm sick and tired of worrying about you night and day.I was away from here for five or six years.

Big Edie I had a very good man.

Little Edie And I was sick and tired of lying awake at night...

Big Edie He took care of me for 23 years.

Little Edie wondering what was happening to my mother.

Big Edie You didn't have to worry.23 years.

Little Edie Nobody took care of you for 23 years. I took care of this damn house for 23 years. Dare say my mother was ever taken care of by any man but my father.

Big Edie Mr Gould!

Little Edie He took you to the movies and played the piano.

Big Edie Took care of me and the washing...

Little Edie No one took care of Mrs. Beale. You had father's money and your own money.

Big Edie What money?

Little Edie The Bouvier money. And another thing; Mrs. Beale wasn't taken care of sexually.

Big Edie I think he was nicer than anybody I've ever known in my whole life. He was brilliant. And he played the piano magnificently... and composed exquisite music and dedicated about songs to me. So Edie didn't have to worry.

Little Edie You made me leave New York!

Big Edie Well; I thought you'd been there long enough. You were getting lines in your face.

Little Edie But I didn't want to leave.I was getting my big chance.

Big Edie Oh no. you were not. That married man was not going to give you any chance at all.

Little Edie I was getting my audition in!

Big Edie You were not.

Little Edie I was going to get it!

Big Edie Well, you didn't get it. You missed out.

Little Edie I was just getting up what you call a little nerve.

Big Edie Now, listen, this is just nuts.

Little Edie When you said I had to come home.

Big Edie I thought you should come home.

Little Edie I checked out, got on the train,

Big Edie Well, you should come down.

Little Edie came back.

Big Edie It's very hot in New York.

Little Edie and was never able to get back.

Big Edie It's very hot in New York

(Long pause)

( SFX Meowing )

Big Edie ''You and the Night and the Music. '' It's beautiful.Do you know that one? You do know it ?

Little Edie Mmhmm. Sure.

Big Edie Do you really? Sing it for me. Sing it.

Little Edie (Sings) The night was young and you're so beautiful Big Edie No. ''You and the Night and the Music.'' Sing that song.

Little Edie I don't know that. I thought you meant...

Big Edie (sings)You and the night and the music

Little Edie I don't know it.

Big Edie Fill me with flaming desire.

Little Edie The words are wonderful.

Big Edie Love like yours and mine

Is a glowing thrillOf sparkling wineMake the most of timeEre it has flownYou and the night and the musicThrill me with flaming desireSetting my beingCompletely on fireOh, you and the night and the musicDance till the music is throughTill the moment is throughAfter the nightAnd the music dieWill I have you

Big Edie I was frozen this morning when I woke up. Were you, Edie? It dropped quite a bit. I was so lonely. You only left me one little kitty to keep me warm. And all these blankets were on the floors, all this pile of stuff here. Aren't you gonna feed Whiskers; Edie? Come on; go in and feed Whiskers. Now, don't eat it. Give it to Whiskers, please.

Little Edie Youre very mean to me.

Big Edie No. I have to be very strict. The priest said you needed a very strict hand.(Laughs)What the priest told me. (Imitating Irish Accent)''She sure needs a very strong hand, your daughter.''

Little Edie I worship the Catholic church.

Big Edie Oh; go on. What the hell?

Little Edie You get mad whenever I go. I'm gonna invite Father Huntington over to spend the whole entire night with me. That's what I'm gonna do.I love the church so much.

Big EdieA very strict hand . And I tried to give it to her, you know that? After Mr. Beale, you know, stopped living in East Hampton.

Little Edie Isn't it awful when a dancer gets fat? Isn't it awful? God. It's awful, I'm telling you. It's awful!

Big EdieI had a terribly hard time. You just went wild after your father wasn't living here. Wild, absolutely wild. I couldn't do anything at all.

Little Edie He was Broadway; on the ninth floor, and my knees would start to shake... coming down on the ninth floor of Mr. Beale's office. My knees were rattling. My mouth was dry.And I'd go in, and he'd come forward out of his office with his watch in his hand, and then he'd look at the clock on the wall, and he'd say, ''You're five minutes late,'' he'd say. Oh, my God. And then he'd sit down and look at me like this... and say, ''Take it off. Take that hat off. Take that lipstick off. Take that nail polish off. How dare you wear those high heels!''

Big Edie Oh; youre just acting. Little Edie He said the only thing to be was a professional woman. He did say that. Didn't he, Mother?

Big Edie Well, I wouldn't say it's the only thing.

Little Edie He didn't want me to get married.

Big Edie I don't think people should get married. I don't believe in it at all.

Little Edie If you can't get a man to propose to you, you might as well be dead.

Big Edie Oh; I don't think it's important. Aunt Mary had the most wonderful life.

Little Edie I think it's disgusting, absolutely disgusting...to live alone. What are they proving? They have to around with dogs or other women or something.

Big Edie Dogs are lovely.

Little Edie I, I think it's terrible.

Big Edie I'll take a dog any day.( Chuckles )

Little Edie Listen; I've got to eat lunch. I'm starving. Well, you know me always hungry. I'm not gonna gain the weight back. I didn't have any breakfast. I'll put some lipstick on.

Big Edie You want to give me something to put on; Edie?

Big Edie Are you getting me the blue kimono; Edie?

Little Edie I think I have the saddest life.

Big Edie Oh; Edie!

Little Edie You know, I never know what time it is.

Big Edie Don't I look funny coming down these stairs, hmm? Don't I? I feel funny. I feel funny. Like a night at the opera. The night at the opera will be when I get in that chair in the dining room. I say, where's the cushion, Edie? Get the cushion. I'll ruin my dress.

Little Edie Happy birthday Mother.

Big Edie Well; youre very cute to celebrate with me today. We better not sit on those chairs. They look very dirty.

Little Edie We can sit on paper.

Big Edie I thought you were gonna clean up; Edie.

Little Edie I tried. I swept the, uh, hall. I swept the floor. We have wine. I'll bring down the glasses.

Big Edie Bring down the wine, please. But don't let the cats out.

Little Edie Well, Ive got a pretty heavy tray. Big Edie Leave the tray here, won't you?

Little Edie Here's to you Mother. Big Edie Oh; it's one more year. Ha; ha.

(Radio Announcer; Indistinct )

Little Edie Well; happy birthday.

Big Edie Thank you very much. Sing me '' Happy Birthday.'' Sing it.

Little Edie I sang it.

Big Edie Do it again.

Little Edie (singing)Happy birthday to youHappy birthdayHappy birthdayDear MotherHappy birthday to you

Little Edie My God. You know, you don't see me as I see myself. But you're very good, what you do see me as. You know, I see myself as a little girl. And all that.

Big Edie What I see is a very immature child.

Little Edie You see me as a baby; and I see myself as... some kind of a little girl. Theyre going to see me as a woman.

Big Edie I don't see that.

Little Edie But when I get out of here; I do.

Big Edie You gonna babble on ?

Little Edie When I go to New York City; I see myself as a woman. But in here I'm just, you know, Mother's little daughter.

Big Edie Why dont you play the record I bought you?

Little Edie Virginia Military Institute! Oh, my God. I can't get over this. I really can't.

Big Edie And you can't dance at all.

Little Edie Why can't I?

Big Edie I never saw you do anything military. Never.

Little Edie Are you absolutely crazy? There isn't anything I can't do.(March)Do you remember David Mother? Darling David, where had he been all my life? Where have you been? Where have you been? Where have you been? Where have you been?(Humming Marching Tune)Only thing I needed was that man!

Big Edie What? What did you say?

Little Edie All I needed was that man. David! (Humming Continues) David (Whistling) I wish I'd had David with me before this.

Big Edie Yeah; well; you had your mother.

Little Edie Yeah, but he was more interested. Oh, that's a pretty song.'' Don't Throw Bouquets at Me You know, that was... I was trying to think of the words to that.Bouquet No, don't throw Bouquets at me Bouquets at me

Big Edie Don't

Little Edie Don't what?

Big Edie Hurry up.

(Humming Continues)

Little Edie Don't what?Your lips to mine

Big Edie Oh no, thats not it. No; youre way off the beat there. No. Don't

Little Edie (Humming) Big Edie Bad. Go to the bottom of the class.

Little Edie You're mine

Big Edie No; that isn't it either.

Little Edie People will say were in love

Big Edie Your voice is improving but dont say ''lahve. '' You're not Czechoslovakian. ''Love. '' You don't say ''lahve. ''

(Humming Continues)

And why do you wiggle about 3 times to every note, you see, to distract the people, you know, but you really can't sing it right.

Little Edie I can sing like mad.

Big Edie You're singing incorrectly.Very ugly. Always must do everything correctly.

Little Edie Don't, Don't Throw Bouquets at me

Big Edie Don't make funny faces.

Little Edie My... (Hums)

Big Edie Now that's what I want.The next line.

Little Edie Are much too much

Big Edie Oh no, way off there. No; that's not it.

Little Edie Ha har hee

Big Edie No. '' Ha har hee'' doesn't make up... for a lot of words you can't remember.

Little Edie People will say we're in love

Big Edie I'm going to bed, kid. Little Edie(Whispering) I think my days at Grey Gardens are limited. I think my days at Grey Gardens are limited.Oh, God, please!

Big Edie Do you mind getting my slippers Edie? Get my slippers. Will you, please? You know where you put them.

(Edie Continues Singing from off stage))

Big Edie Oh, Edie, I can't take it, Edie. I'll go right into the room; and I won't have any hot food or anything.Don't do it, Edie! I'll get so mad! Listen, will you stop it? I'm going in the next room.

Little Edie I'm singing it in American.

Big Edie I'll never see you again, as long as I live.

Little Edie I'm singing it in American.

Big Edie I don't care. You're not gonna sing that song. Stop it, will ya?

Little Edie Why not?

Big Edie 'Cause I don't wanna hear it, I'm your mother. Remember me?

Little Edie Well; I stood for yours all these years.

Big Edie Well, my voice is beautiful and trained. It was beautifully trained, my voice. I never tried to attract men with it.

Little Edie The scene is set

Big Edie Edie; stop it. I'm going to get up now. Goodbye.

Little Edie I'm in love with you

Big Edie I'm going right in the other room with the cats where I'll be happy.

(Little Edie Humming Continues)

Big Edie I'm not gonna take it.Get out of here. Don't make me mad. Get out! You're making me very angry! Go out! Go away! Stop!

Little Edie Why Mother!?

Big Edie Well, stop it! Stop that silly nonsense! Quit it! Go away!

Little Edie I can't have any fun in this house.

Big Edie You had enough fun.

Little Edie I've never had five minutes' fun. Not a minute. I never had a minute's fun

Big Edie Go away! Horrible.Youve spoiled the whole thing.Yes. Everything is perfectly disgusting on account of you. You did it. You sure do bring out the worst in your mother.

Little Edie I think youre very mean to me.

Big Edie I'm glad I stopped you. Thank God. I'll have a little peace here.

Little Edie (Singing)Only a roseOnly a roseAnother dayOnly a rose(Humming)I give you only a rose Dying away. Dying awayOnly a roseTo keep in harmony.(Laughs) To keep in harmonyTo keep in harmonyOnly (Laughs)

I don't think there's any point in my meeting anybody that doesn't like music, do you ?

'Cause I can't stand them. Finally; I can't stand them.There's something lacking; and it's music; isn't it?I mean; in a man.Unless a man understands music; there's no point in my even meeting him... 'cause I never could figure out what was wrong.You know; with stockbrokers and tennis players and...I tell you who was a songwriter and a dancer and a playwright and everything. Eugene Tyszkiewicz. But Mother got rid of him in 5 minutes.

Big Edie He didn't speak English well.

Little Edie He'd only been here seven years.You didn't try his cooking.

Big Edie He might've poisoned you besides you wanna marry a stranger?

Little Edie I mean he was a very, very decent guy. I looked up his horoscope. He was born November the 12th.

Big Edie You want to marry a stranger? I wanna turn in now.

Little Edie We was a very wonderful boy. Too young for me, probably. Eugene Tyszkiewicz. He was a twin. Big Edie I couldn't stand having another cook in this house.

Little Edie That isn't the point. And he actually proposed, under the window. Big Edie He had no home. He was living in a third-class hotel.

Little Edie Under the window.

Big Edie He didn't have a thing.

Little Edie He said, '' Edith, if you want to get married, I'll marry you.''

Big Edie Not one single nickel.

Little Edie And I think that was decent, don't you?

Big Edie I don't see why.

Little Edie He probably wouldn't have, but just the same. Not one person had entered Grey Gardens for many years... before Eugene Tyszkiewicz came around. So I credit him with all the nerve in the world. Why; no one would even speak to us. People who I had walked to the Maidstone Club with for years. All the other people (Rambling)

Big Edie If your father could hear you, he'd turn in his grave. He'd say, '' My God, Edie!''

Little Edie Well; anyway; I think you were very cruel; Mother.

Big Edie Well, I don't think it's nice.

Little Edie He came from one of the best families in Poland. And I think it's terrible that you wouldn't give me a chance. That was absolutely cruel to drive the only beau away!

Big Edie But he was!

Little Edie I don't care! That was the only one... besides these horrible people that came around here! He was from a very good family! And you got rid of him in 5 minutes flat!

Big Edie No, he didn't. He said...

Little Edie I'm bored with all these awful people and all those people !

Big Edie That isnt the truth. No. Tell the truth. That is not the truth.

Little Edie He said, '' How could such a warm, lovely person over the telephone... turn into anything so cold?'' That's what he said right down on the porch. So I said, I said, ''You'd better go home.'' Never said goodbye or anything. ''How could such a warm, lovely woman over the telephone turn into something so cold?''I thought that was just a little too much.Uh, I'll tell you the whole thing. You might as well face it. It's mother's house, and mother owns it, and wanted the people mother wanted in it...and didn't want the people that I wanted in it. But God knows whom I wanted in it. I mean; besides Eugene. So, you just can't do anything about it.

So I can see now why girls get married. You know, they're forced into it. It's all a question of who you want to stay with.Of course, I'm mad about animals, but raccoons and cats become a little bit boring.

I mean, for too long a time (Laughs) I don't know. I don't know.I better check on the cats. I hate to spend the winter here; though. Oh; God. Another winter! Very depressing, you know when winter sets in here. You know, 'cause I don't like the country, and I don't want to be here. Any little rat...Any little rat's nest in New York, any little mouse hole, any little rat hole, even on Tenth Avenue, I would like better

Big Edie Edie! Edie come in and close the window, Im freezing! Edie?!

(SFX Phonograph.Big Band )

Beneath the moon and the sunToo near or farNo matter, darling where you areI think of youNight and day

( Continues to fade)

Silence of my lonely roomI think of youThe magicOf dreams come true

END