Greg Pavich MD

Alpine Pediatrics

gpavich@alpinepeds.com

801-922-9222

Parenting kids with ADHD

“If you are like most parents of boys with ADHD, you cannot even begin to count the times you have thrown your hands up in dismay at the daunting task of parenting. You want the best for your son but are at a loss as to how to make that happen.”

Raising Boys with ADHD

Can you relate?

If you could look into the future and describe the ideal outcome for your children, what would it be?

How would you define success for them?When could you declare success?What would your relationship be with them?

In a perfect world, this would be easy right?

Don’t forget the BIG PICTURE!

There are no perfect peopleWe don’t have unlimited timeThere is always too much to doWe just don’t have endless energyThere is no money tree in the backyardWe all have different personalities that have

to interactThere are so many things that we can’t

controlNow throw in ADHD !

REAL LIFE gets more complicated

10 x’s more like to have interpersonal relationship issuesBossy, ControllingAggressiveGetting over-stimulatedNo respect for personal boundariesNot knowing how to act

ShyAnxiousAloofDespondent

Added Pitfalls of ADHD

It all starts in the brain

You are the expert on your childLearning how to advocate for your child

School (IEP, 504)Finding their strengthsSocial LandminesWorking with your MD, teacher, coach

Educate yourself about ADHDAfter you know everything, it still doesn’t

happen perfectly.

Preparation is Everything!

Stay Calm!We tend to infuse emotion into confrontationsEscalating punishments / avoid all or nothingsSeparate ADHD behaviors from bad behaviorsThey really don’t exist to just make you

miserableParenting is not a competitionEmpathize

If you have been there, share itBe the Example

Especially if you have ADHD

Get Yourself Ready

Routine, Routine, RoutineMake a schedule, and follow it!Best way to create organizationSmall sub-routines inside the big ones. Be creative, routine can be boring

Be Persistent“how many times have I told you…”How many times is it going to take? --More

You are a CoachTeaching social interactionsEmotional balanceEducational settings

Principles to go and do…

Fostering Self-RelianceFind opportunities to make wise choices

Accentuate the positiveThere can be so much negativeWays to focus on the positive ( 4:1 rule)Positive Consequences for positive behaviors

Pick your battlesAn ounce of prevention …Breaks and fun! (For you and for them)

Principles to go and do…

Enhance your child’s strengthsIf they love it, it will help build focusWill build confidence

Sometimes there is something behind the behavior“I don’t know why I don’t…”

Kids sometimes just break rulesDon’t take it personally

If we want to teach them to fly, try not to “clip their wings”

Make ADHD an asset not a liability

StructureConsistencyEstablishing BoundariesCreative OutcomesNatural Consequences Follow upThe Safety NetLook for secondary diagnosis

General Principles of Behavior Management

What is the Point?• We try to create an environment of success and

achievement• Avoid the downward spiral of failure• Maximize potential• Minimize self destructive behaviors• If we can show our kids that ADHD can certainly

be an advantage for them in many ways. They will realize that they can really do anything.

• ADHD is not really attention deficit, it is Attention different.

Despite the odds, it is still worth it!There is more than

one way to get there.They are our kids,

not a “condition”It’s the

rollercoasters that are the best rides.

Enjoy the Ride…