Getting Married

Getting MarriedCh. 8

Marital Status: The Changing Picture

• The marriage rate has declined.

• The divorce rate has increased.

• The birth rate has steadily declined.

Marital Status: The Changing Picture

• Today fewer than 57% of U.S. adults are married.

• Throughout the first half of the twentieth century, the trend was for more and more people to marry and at increasingly younger ages.

• About 80% of those unions lasted until the children left home.

• By 2009, the median age at first marriage for both men and women had risen to 25 for women and 28 for men.

• The growing divorce rate has contributed to the increased number of singles.

• In 2008, 9% of men and 12% of women age eighteen and over were divorced.

Marital Status of the U.S. Population, age 18 and over, 2008

Marital Status of the U.S. Population, age 18 and over, 2008

Valuing Marriage

• From a change perspective, policy advocates view poverty as causing environments with negative consequences

• From a decline perspective, there are concerns about “family breakdown” which includes the amount of money spent on “welfare_ for poverty-level single mothers, along with the irresponsible socialization of children

The Time-Honored Marriage Premise: Permanence and Sexual Exclusivity

• Expectations of permanence derive from the fact that historically marriage was a practical institution.• In the United States today, marriage seldom involves

merging two families’ properties.

• Marriage in the United States: • legally requires monogamy• expectations of sexual exclusivity

• Expectations of sexual exclusivity have broadened to include expectations of emotional centrality, or putting one’s partner first.• Providing love and ongoing emotional support has become

key for most people.

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Why Do People Marry?• The Need for Intimacy

• Social Expectations

• Social Ideals and Personal Fulfillment

• Desire for Children

• Marriage as a Practical Solution

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Proportion of the Population Married, by Sex and Age: 2009

Source: U.S. Census Bureau 2010a.

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Marriage Rates

Source: National Center for Health Statistics website.

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Types of Marriage: Nature of the Relationship

• Devitalized• Financially Forced• Conflicted• Traditional• Balanced• Harmonious• Vitalized

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Expectations• Our Private Contracts• Role Expectations• Negotiation: Changing Personal Contracts • The Marriage Contract: Clarifying

Expectations

Preparation for Marriage

• Family life courses and premarital counseling provide guidance and skills for marriage and family

• Research shows they do improve communication skills and relationship quality at least in the short term

• Success also depends on the personality traits of the individual and the couple characteristics

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The Wedding

• Legal Considerations

• Planning and Carrying Out the Wedding

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Adjusting to Marriage• His Marriage and Her Marriage

• Starting with Two Strikes

• Establishing Equity and Consensus

• Adjustment and In-Law Relationships

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Commitment• The Meaning of Commitment

• The Role of Commitment

• Building Commitment

Creating Couple Connection

• Keep relationship a high priority.

• Marriage is happier when both spouses work.

• Supportive and positive communication.

• Enjoy leisure activities together.

• Consciously and continuously strive to maintain intimacy.

Deinstitutionalized Marriage: Examining the Consequences

Married Couples:1. Had greater wealth and assets.2. Earned higher wages.3. Had more frequent and better sex.4. Had overall better health.5. Were less likely to engage in risk-taking.6. Had fewer alcohol-related problems.7. Had lower rates of marijuana use.8. Were more likely to engage in healthy behaviors.9. Evidenced an “orderly life style.10. More happy

Children in married families:1. Were about half as likely to drop out of high school.2. Reported more frequent contact and better-quality relationships with their parents.3. Were significantly less likely to live in poverty.

Median Income by Types of Family, 1990-2007

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Rate Your Marital PreferenceWould you prefer a more traditional or nontraditional kind of marriage? Circle your answer to the statements below. Then read the directions beneath the statements on how to score yourself.

1. A wife should respond to her husband’s sexual overtures even when she is not interested.

1. Agree strongly 2. Agree mildly 3. Disagree mildly 4. Disagree strongly

2. In general, the father should have greater authority than the mother in the bringing up of children.


3. Only when the wife works should the husband help with housework.


4. Husbands and wives should be equal partners in planning the family budget.


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Rate Your Marital Preference (Contd)

5. In marriage, the husband should make the major decisions.


6. If both husband and wife agree that sexual fidelity isn’t important, there’s no reason why both shouldn’t have extramarital affairs if they want to.


7. If a child gets sick and his wife works, the husband should be just as willing as she to stay home from work and take care of that child.


8. In general, men should leave the housework to women.


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Rate Your Marital Preference (Contd)9. Married women should keep their money and spend it as they please.


10. In the family, both of the spouses ought to have as much say on important matters.


Add your total. Note that “agree strongly” is sometimes worth one and sometimes worth four. It is your total score that is important, not whether you agreed or disagreed more often. Your score may vary from 10 to 40. If you score 30 to 40, you are nontraditional. A score of 20 to 30 means you take a middle-of-the-road position. A score of 10 to 20 puts you into the traditional category. Source: Karen Oppenheim Mason, Sex-Role Attitude Items and Scales from U.S. Sample Surveys (Rockville, MD: National Institute of Mental Health) 1975:16-19.

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Attitudes about Marriage Roles

Source: Adapted from Kaufman (2005).

Documents

Getting Married