Issue 35 | Page 1Visit us at femnet.goanet.org

Issue 35 | February 2015 | 4 Pages | For free circulation only

Visit

for daily news updates

Brenda M. Vaz Menezes (Goa, India)

Brenda M. Vaz Menezes born in Bandra, Mumbai travelled to Mombasa, Kenya. She studied at the Star of the Sea School and passed her Cambridge

exam from Highlands School, Eldoret, Kenya; graduated from Sophia College, Mumbai. She has taught at the Loreto Convent, Aga Khan Junior Academy

and Aga Khan Academy, Mombasa. She married architect , Jose Menezes and are blessed with three children and four grandchildren. Brenda is currently

teaching at the European School of Goa, Saligao.

MY DAD ‐ AN EX‐OLYMPIANFrom the Editor

Dear Readers,

Love is a many-splendored thing. In February, we are bombarded with one aspect of it – romantic love. The shops are taken over with teddy bears and red hearts, while movie channels bring out the classics and get us all teary-eyed. This might be a good time, though, to remind ourselves of how much other members of our family mean to us.

Coincidentally, this issue has several touching stories about families. Brenda Vaz Menezes tells us about her father, the Olympian Maxie Vaz; Selma Carvalho's lyrical memories of her grandparents reminds us of our own grandparents far away and Tania Fernandes shares the story of her life and how much her parents have meant to her.

A February issue cannot be complete without a Valentine's Day story, and we are glad to have one by Valerie Rodrigues. The year has also just begun, so we gather steam with a motivational article on 'New You Resolutions' by Diahann Caroll and take a 'Journey to France' with Louisa Fernandes.

Enjoy

For the Editorial Team

victorious games, dad came back rich in achievement. He gave his turban to his dear mother. They came from a poor family and she treasured this gesture- opening out the turban carefully and wearing it as a sari. When dad first related this story, my eyes welled with tears and the memory still tugs at my heart.

I was lucky to have been in London in September 2011 and visited Westfield Stratford City Shopping Centre situated on the edge of the Olympic site. I have some memorable pictures of the Olympic Park taken from John Lewis Straftford – the London 2012 shop and have some memorabilia purchased from there too.

Every year I watch the Olympics on television trying to picture my dad marching past, proud to be an Indian and proud to have made his country proud and my heart pounds as his must have done then.

The 2012 Olympics was extra special as they were held in London, as they were in 1948. My mum, who lives in England, watched the games as well and every sport on television. We share our love for the games and sport because of Maxie Vaz –her husband and my dad- an ex-Olympian!

I had organized a mini Olympics in my school in Goa. The winners received medals and bouquets (like in London 2012) and were treated to cupcakes iced in the Olympic flag colours. (Note the Olympic rings design)

We grew up proud of the fact that Dad, Maxie Vaz, won a gold medal having represented India in the 1948 London Olympics in hockey. Mum would, ever so often, take it out of the velvet lined case and show it to us and later to her grandchildren. Dad, the humble person he was, would be seated in the corner smiling to himself-pleased with the fact that we were in awe of his medal. In those days, the medal was presented in a box to the winners-not strung around the neck as there was no loop or ribbons then. (This was only introduced in 1960). Mum had the loop and befitting chain made and would wear it showing it off at dinner parties.

As children we never really asked dad about his experiences and he did not talk a lot about it either. I regret this as he passed on in 1991. The day before he died peacefully in his sleep, he asked for the hockey stick and ball and went into the garden to teach my one year old son to hit the ball.

A true sportsman to the very end...besides this touching farewell, two stories have been engrained in my memory.

First: the 1948 post-war summer Olympics were held after a break of twelve years. Money and commodities were scarce so the competitors had to fend for themselves. They stayed in military barracks and colleges around the capital and as there was rationing- many teams brought their own food along with them. A far cry from today where the Olympians are treated as participatory champions of sport-for the love of the sport within an Olympic village to cater to their every need.

Secondly: the Indian contingent had to wear a light blue turban which set off their blue blazers. On returning to India after the

We are happy to announce that Chryselle D'Silva Dias, a freelance writer and journalist based in Goa, has very kindly agreed to edit and manage the future editions of Femnet. She has been an editor and writer for several magazines and I am certain she will be a good person to take Femnet forward and yet remain true to its ideals.

Femnet now has a new email ID for requesting and receiving articles femnet.newsletter@gmail.com

Betsy Pinto-Nunes - Founder

Issue 35 | Page 2Visit us at femnet.goanet.org

Diahann Carroll D’Souza (Vaz) (Goa, India)

Diahann Carroll is a Trainer by profession and constantly tries to motivate and encourage the people around her to 'look outside the box'. Additionally, she has a love for interacting with people and a passion for writing and story telling.

relaxing massage with lavender and lemongrass oil. Or when I travelled to Goa to spend time with Mom and Dad where we just sat and enjoyed a meal together; talking and laughing till we cried. They say that laughter is the best medicine and believe me; we do not laugh enough in our lives.

And lastly, cultivating my talents – Writing is a talent that I almost always pushed aside for various reasons. But not anymore … I'm dedicating this next year only to my writing. Whether its articles for Goa.femnet, Training Magazine Middle East, my personal Blog or maybe even my next Book! This year there are definitely going to be some changes. And who knows … this year I might just keep my resolutions going till December!

I once heard that when you give yourself the chance to just be 'You', you open the door to a whole world of possibilities. It's your inner self's way of saying Thank You for noticing me.

So what about you … have you thought about your resolutions or do you need to re-write them and give your 'self' a second chance?

“What the New Year brings to you will depend a great deal on what you bring to the New Year.” - Vern McLellan

When it comes to the New Year, everyone tends to clamber for a 'New Year's Resolution', which over the course of t ime they forget or rea l ise the impracticality of. I, too, was one of these 'people' until I realised the folly of my ways – most of my resolutions revolved around things that were eventually in the control of others!

Now why would anyone want to leave the 'keys to their happiness' in the hands of others? So this year I decided … my resolutions were going to be solely in MY control. The ideas I finalised on were –

1. Take a holiday and cut myself off from the rest of the world

2. Learn to love ME (for a change) and do what makes ME happy

3. Spend more time cultivating that skill or talent that I had forgotten about, due to work and other 'excuses'

It didn't take me long to start working on my resolutions. I started the year with a

fantastic trip to Phuket, Thailand with my husband. We didn't get caught up in the whirlwind schedules of sight-seeing or shopping at Phuket, but instead chose to sit by the pool or beach and soak up the sun with the occasional dip in the water. It was then that we actually took the time to notice how the water glistened in the morning sun or how the ocean was a variety of shades of blue … from a light turquoise to a dark indigo colour. Or we'd visit the restaurants at the hotel for a lazy lunch or dinner with a delicious glass of wine. Just sitting and relishing the flavours of the food and even trying some new cuisine.

We even managed to squeeze in long walks on the beach as the sun set and just feel the sand between our toes or laze around the room reading, watching TV or just plain talking and catching up with each other. It was the best holiday I've ever had! I mean when was the last time you actually took the time to sit back and notice colours, flavours or just breathe?

'Learning to 'love me'' didn't take too long … I started with a visit to the Hotel Spa at Phuket where I pampered myself to a

NEW YOU'S RESOLUTIONS

Selma Carvalho (UK)

Selma Carvalho is the author of Into the Diaspora Wilderness, and A Railways Runs Through: Goans of British East Africa. She is an independent researcher, writer and columnist.

My grandfather, like so many men of his generation, left for Africa sometime between 1914-1916 and he would return nearly two decades later, considerably changed in his worldview. Despite the conservative clinging to a caste identity, he was a progressive, liberal man in many ways. He educated his first-born girl child, my mother, and encouraged her nursing career, ensuring her son had childcare whilst she studied and worked. This sort of gender equality was perhaps unheard of in contemporary India, but it is what makes us uniquely Goan. He died early, my grandfather, leaving behind a young widow. She lived well into her eighties. In her last few years, she recalled nothing of her earlier life. She failed to remember if she was married or if she had children. But in her more lucid moments, the windows to her memory would open up, and she would remember it all; the house, the husband, the children and most importantly her grandchildren, all six of them, scattered now like many seeds, across the continents from Canada and America to Britain and Goa.

Although I have spent a larger part of my life in Dubai, America and London, it is the small village of Nuvem with its beautiful Mae dos Pobros Church, that takes centre stage and forms the many windows to my memories. It is the land of my grandmother's song, which she sung to us while my brother and I napped on her knees, and she fed us raw eggs in the hope that it would stave off disease. It is only the capricious nature of life which possibly saved us from salmonella poisoning and certain death.

My grandmother, Maria Rita Augustinia Santimano, was sixteen when she married my grandfather Conceicao Miguel Gomes. I don't know what she looked like at sixteen but she must have been a young girl of some beauty and certainly of some wealth, for my grandfather was nearing forty and had returned sometime in the early 'thirties from Nairobi, Africa. The one surviving photograph, I have of my grandfather is of a tallish, slender man with a balding head and a champagne glass in hand at my mother's wedding. Was it champagne in that glass in 1961? Possibly not, but

that glass certainly would have been important to him, for folklore in Nuvem has it that he carried a glass everywhere, in his pocket, because he was too arrogant to drink from anyone else's glass.

There would have been no courtship but I sometimes wonder what his letters would have sounded like, had he written any while in Nairobi. 'My dear Maria, I am here in this God forsaken country, where hardly a town exists and loneliness crawls into a man's skin like the red ants which crawl in our makeshift dwellings at night. There are a few white men, who I keep company at work, and a few Goans, a little over 500, I think. We live in the Indian part of town even though we are careful to let everyone know that we are not Indians. We are Portuguese Goans and swear allegiance to Portugal. We have formed a club called the Goan Institute. I am a member. I qualify because I'm a bank clerk but there are Goan cooks, butlers and tailors who are not admitted to the Institute. I know you will understand, why it has to be so. Your father, Patricino, the founder of St. Anthony's Chapel in Covla, would certainly approve of this arrangement.'

WINDOWS TO MEMORIES

Issue 35 | Page 3Visit us at femnet.goanet.org

I was 18 when I first went to France. I booked a cabin on a Messageries Maritimes ship, the "Ferdinand de Lesseps". It was a 15 day voyage and we went through the Suez Canal, stopping on the way at Suez and Port Said. I was excited to be going to France but as soon as we left Mombasa harbour, I went out on the deck and could see nothing but the wide open sea. I suddenly realised that I was alone and knew nobody. A young Mauritian lady found me in tears and introduced me to her friends, three French men. We danced the Charleston every night and I soon began to enjoy the trip.

From Marseille, I took a train to Grenoble where I studied French language and literature for a year. I shared a room with an English girl in the hostel but soon moved out to stay with a French family so that I could speak French all the time. I spent my first Christmas holidays with a lovely family in Lyon, a short journey by train. We spent 5 hours eating on Christmas day and then went for a walk at the Parc de La teted'or.

MY JOURNEY TO FRANCE

Louisa Fernandes (Goa, India)

Louisa Fernandes was born in Mombasa. She has worked in French embassies in Kenya, Egypt and Indonesia, has travelled extensively to different parts of the world and is now living in Umbra, Goa.

At Easter, I travelled to Brittany, visiting the coastal towns of Brest, Carnac, Quiberon, Concarneau, Auray, Vannes, Lorient....I hitch hiked with a French friend and we stayed in youth hostels and gorged on crepes and cider. He then went to Bordeaux and I returned to Grenoble visiting the castles in the Loire valley on the way: the beautiful chateau de Chenonceau, the massive chateau de Chambord, Amboise, with its panoramic gardens overlooking the Loire, the royal castle of Blois and the medieval castle of Loches.

After getting my diploma, I went to Paris to do a degree at the Sorbonne University. I was lucky to be able to live in the quarter latin, in the heart of Paris, a 5 minute walk to the Sorbonne. I walked everywhere. Flaner a Paris, is a favourite pastime of Parisians who love to walk and look at the beautiful boutiques and cafes. I did not have much time for that as I was always in a hurry to get to work and to university. Many of the cinemas and theatres are situated in the quartier latin and we sometimes went to a film after dinner. I worked in the morning (I had promised my parents that I would work and study when I decided to stay for 3

more years), attended classes in the afternoon, reading in the library until very late at night. I travelled to other parts of France during weekends and holidays: Normandie, Bourgogne, Provence, the Riviera, Auvergne, the Pyrenees, Alsace ! Two years ago, I returned to Alsace to stay with friends who have a house in the Vosges mountains. We went to the cathedral in the charming town of Colmar and admired the stunningly beautiful painting of the Virgin and Infant in the Rose bush.

A very memorable walking trip which I did every year, with other students from the Sorbonne, was the pilgrimage to Chartres, about 90 km from Paris. The gothic cathedral of Chartres is famous for its stained glass windows and sculptures. I especially like the Black Madonna.

I was inspired by everything I saw during my travels and being a Francophile, I met interesting people I empathised with. They were hospitable and generous, inviting me to their homes and showing me around. And I loved the light and delicious French patisseries!

Parents are a divine gift. They are the source of our life on earth. Parents are good role models in a child's development. Your parents were there for you, to take care of you and to teach you right from wrong. I owe it to my parents for every blessing of my life. They brought me into this world and showed me the light. The love and sacrifice of my parents will never be lost upon me.

My name is Tania Fernandes and I'm going to tell you the Story of My Life.

Well, my parents, (lovebirds!) were married back in the year 1990. Like every other couple, they lived happily. Blissful moments, good times and a month later the great news being pregnant with their first child! I arrived in the month called “Love month” February 5th, 1991, and was born with tetra-Amelia syndrome (absence of all four limbs). Doctors had no idea why this could have happened, but my condition broke the hearts of my parents when they had the first glimpse of their baby. Questions remained unanswered. But just like Jesus's disciples ask in the Bible. Jn 9:1-3, my birth was the same. My STRONG parents, family and cousins, loved me

dearly. Growing up, when I turned 4, my mom taught me how to hold a pencil and write, by holding the pen/pencil between my face and the small stump of a hand (see picture), walk on the floor and feed myself. I took to electronic gadgets like a fish to water! I had a small cassette player my dad got for me and I loved listening to music. Inserting the cassettes, changing from

tape 1 to tape 2, again by holding them between my face and the small stump of my hand. It was something I liked doing, but when the others saw me, they looked like they were mind blown! I also had, and still have, the passion to draw/trace, colour.

I have two siblings, a sister & a brother, both younger to me! Yes, 3 of us and I'm

MY PARENTS: A GIFT DIVINE!

Tania Fernandes (Goa, India)

Issue 35 | Page 4Visit us at femnet.goanet.org

Though the incident which I am about to narrate occurred some years ago, it was an experience that touched me deeply and the memory of it lingers still.

I was working in Bangalore at the time and having just completed a major project, I had the day off. A close friend a n d I d e c i d e d t o v i s i t t h e NirmalaShishuBhavan, a home on Lingrajpuram Road run by the Mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity. Earlier that same morning, a headline on the newspaper "Activists burn V-Day greeting cards" had caught my eye. Interested, I read through the column, which detailed how activists in Mumbai had protested against Valentine Day celebrations. Shouting slogans, they had entered a shopping mall, burned up Valentine's Day cards and assaulted the staff. Apparently they were determined not to allow V-Day celebrations to be held, as they felt that this was an attempt to corrupt the younger generation with alien Western values and destroy the intrinsic fabric of our Indian culture.

Anyway, getting back to the subject…at the NirmalaShishuBhavan, we were met by one of the nuns. When we explained that we had come to volunteer our help, she smiled and graciously invited us in. There were a number of physically and mentally challenged children, all of them abandoned kids, and any assistance was most welcome.

We began by helping with feeding and other minor tasks. Engrossed in what we were doing, time flew by quickly. Taking care of special children is an awesome task, and we were truly amazed at the loving competence with which the nuns and other staff were doing it.

It was mid-morning when suddenly some teenage girls appeared at the door. Somewhat shyly, they explained that they were students of a local college and had come to visit the home. Once granted permission, they cheerfully walked around the beds, pausing to gently pat a cheek here, hold a hand there. They had brought with them a large bag of treats for the children. One of them also carried a big bunch of pink, red and white heart-shaped balloons and she handed some to a little girl. Wide-eyed with wonder at first, the chi ld then chortled so loudly and delightedly in exuberant glee that she had everyone else laughing too. The teenagers went around distributing sweets, balloons and small soft cuddly teddy bears. The children were so excited and happy that, for the moment at least, all woes and handicaps were forgotten as laughter and merriment filled the air. I was looking at the cheerful heart-shaped balloons when it suddenly struck me - Valentine's Day! Questioned about this, the girls shyly confessed - yes, it was on account of Valentine's Day that they were here. Wondering what to do, they had hit upon the idea of celebrating Valentine's Day with a visit to the home and spending time with the children there.

A couple of hours later we were back at my friend's house for lunch, mulling over the events of the morning. We talked about the children, some so severely handicapped and yet, underneath it all, just like children everywhere - just tiny little people in need of love and care. And we spoke about the visit of those girls - of the heartwarming way they chose to celebrate Valentine's Day, without much ado or fanfare. But by taking time off to share the day with those special children, they gave of themselves,

a true and meaningful gift of love. That morning I witnessed a gesture straight from the heart, a gesture that illustrated another aspect of love.

There are those who dismiss the idea of Valentine's Day as nothing but a marketing gimmick and who opine that one should be affectionate everyday and not just on one day of the year. Whilst this is absolutely true, it is also a fact that nowadays people are often so tied up with everyday commitments that they are sometimes unable to get down to spending enough time with loved ones. Valentine's Day reminds them to do something special to express their affection and appreciation.

There is also the notion that Valentine's Day is a Westernized concept that has no place in our society. But rather than just adopt customs blindly or dismiss them just as quickly, it is a sign of both tolerance and maturity to be able to choose for ourselves what is good, maybe even adapting it for the better, to suit our own particular situations. Those teenagers taught me something very important that day. That there are many ways of expressing love and that romance, caring and compassion are just different facets of love. I am sure that if those who were so against Valentine Day celebrations had been there with us that day, their hearts would have warmed too, just as ours did, at that touching manifestation of the Valentine spirit.

And so this is my tribute to those unknown teenagers who showed me by example that Valentine's Day can truly be a special day to celebrate love in any of its myriad forms.

A VALENTINE'S DAY TRIBUTE

Valerie Rodrigues (Goa, India)

Valerie Rodrigues is a professionally qualified postgraduate, presently working as a technical writer and based in Panjim, Goa.

the BIG Sister! They both were born normal (see picture). I was never jealous of them, but I did wonder why it was just me. Then one day I read the Bible and found these touching words:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” –Jer 29:11

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. -Psalm 139:13-14

The word of the LORD came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb

I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” -Jer 1:4-5

After that, my mind was clear. Later, my dad brought an electric wheelchair with a joystick to move around the house. I had tutors that came home to teach me various school subjects. I cleared my exams without the help of a scribe. I am so thankful to all my tutors. I then did Web-designing, Flash-animation and Photoshop from MICE. Photoshop caught my interest as I loved creating graphics and editing photos. Then I started looking for jobs where I could work from home. It was not easy until I came across Marie-dale from PhotoGenie. I briefly explained my situation to her & I was thrilled when she,

at least out of the others, said "Okay. In the mean while send me an e-mail with your designs and I shall see it." Thanks dear Marie-dale!

Well, my journey without limbs has been quite a ride. But what I've learnt is struggles, troubles, ups and downs, are a part of life. When you realise the truth and purpose of your life, living positively, having a genuine bright smile, is all you need.

#SongLyrics.

Life's a dance, you learn as you go.Sometimes you lead, sometimes you

follow.Don't worry 'bout what you don't know,

life's a dance, you learn as you go.

Founder: Betsy Pinto-Nunes | Founder Members: Janis Mwosa, Colleen D'Souza, Pam Gonsalves, Mafalda-Anne (Mafie) DeSa, Marie-dale (M-d) Pais, Jaya Earnest, Cynthia Pinto-McDonnell

Editor: Chryselle D'Silva Dias Email address for submission: femnet.newsletter@gmail.com