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The MADERA CHATTER is printed weekly, courtesy of Central California Public Service Broadcasters and its advertisers. Office 46174 Skyline Ridge Road, Coarsegold, CA 93614 (559)683-8309 Cell (559)760-8267 Email: info@thechatter.org

UPCOMING EVENTS

THURSDAY, JUNE 21: MADERA REPUBLICAN WOMEN, Dinner & General Meeting, 6pm, Madera Muni Golf Course, Ave. 17& Rd 23. $15. Program: Scholarship Dinner & Celebra-tion of 2018 Scholars. RSVP Barbara by June 18—559-232-0566 call or text.

FRIDAY, JUNE 22: FREE CAR SHOW - MADERA CLASSIC CARS, 6PM- 9PM, Madera Home Depot Parking Area, 2155 N. Schnoor Street. All Special Interest Autos Welcome! Music- Raffle – Prizes – 50/50. Everyone Wel come! Come Join the Fun! Info: Ron (559)871-6487. SATURDAY, JUNE 23: PAINT NIGHT, 6pm - 8:30pm.American Le gion Post 11. Featuring local artist Bobby Von martin. $45/person. Deadline June 20th to sign up. Buy tickets via paypal or in person. Please message or call (559)363-5106 if interested. Sponsored by Friends of Madera Animal Shelter. SATURDAY, JUNE 30: SUMMER SUNSET CONCERT, 7PM-11PM,

21801 Avenue 16, Madera. Bring your lawn chairs or re-serve a VIP tables to enjoy a nice evening of wine, food and live music. The New Monsanto Band is a local band with members from Parlier, Sanger, and Fresno that play many different types of music to dance to! Doors open at 7pm and entertainment starts 8pm! Food by Campos Tacos! Tickets $10. For info: robia@sjwineco.com.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 4: HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!

4th OF JULY SPECTACULAR & GOLF TOURNAMENT, 7AM- 10PM, Madera Municipal Golf Course.

FRIDAY, JULY 6: MOVIES IN THE PARK, 8PM-10PM, Allan Harkin Ampitheater, Lions Town & Country Park. “Despicable Me 3.”Bring lawn chairs, blankets to sit on.

SATURDAY, JULY 7: FMAS LOW COST SHOT CLINIC, 10AM – 12 Noon, Madera District Fairgrounds, 1850 W. Cleveland Ave, Madera. Rabies $10 Dewormer $5DHLPP $15 FVRCP $15. Cats must be in carriers. Dogs on leash. Rain or Shine! Friends of Madera Animal Shelter (FMAS)(559)363-5106.

FRIDAY, JULY 13: MOVIES IN THE PARK, 8PM-10PM, Allan Harkin Ampitheater, Lions Town & Country Park. “Wonder Wom an.” Bring lawn chairs, blankets to sit on.

MOVIES IN THE PARK START ON FRIDAY, JULY 6, 8PM-10PM, Allan Harkin Ampithe-ater, Lions Town &

Country Park. “Despicable Me 3.”Bring lawn chairs, blankets to sit on.

FREE CHILDREN’S MOVIES Each week this summer your kids can enjoy a FREE showing every

Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday at 10:30AM at the Movies Madera Theatre, located at 1140 N Gateway. This week’s FREE movie feature is: FERDANAND, RATED PG.

FREE CAR SHOW - MADERA CLASSIC CARS, Friday, June 22, from

6PM -9PM, Madera Home Depot Parking Area, 2155 N. Schnoor Street. All Special Interest Autos Welcome! Music- Raffle – Prizes – 50/50. Everyone Welcome! Come Join the Fun! Info: Ron (559)871-6487.

QUOTE FOR TODAY

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not

sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein

TRIVIA In a study of 200,000 os-triches over a period of 80 years, no one ever reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand!

DID YOU KNOW? Ingrown toenails are hereditary.

The patient is adamant: "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea trans-plant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans--" "Whoa! Slow down there, fel-low. What makes you think you need all these organ transplants?" the doc-tor asked. "Well," the patient replied, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job, I needed to get reorganized."

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you as soon as possible. Please share this with others immediately!! TITANIC VIRUS................Makes your whole computer go down. DISNEY VIRUS.................Everything in the computer goes Goofy. PROZAC VIRUS.......Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS ….....Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. PAUL REVERE VIRUS- This revolution-ary virus doesn't horse around. It warns you of impending disk attack, once if by LAN, twice if by C. AIRLINE VIRUS- You're in Chicago but your data is in Singapore. STAR TREK VIRUS- Invades your sys-tem and boldly goes where no virus has gone before!

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'

A robber comes into the store and steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you for-got the remote!"

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking. "The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."

Q: Why did the blonde take a right

into the ditch? A: Her blinker was on.

The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to under-stand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show. "Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?" The magi-cian was furious but couldn't do any-thing, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an ac-cident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days. After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, I give up. What'd you do with the boat?"

Farmer Evans was driving his John Deere tractor along the road with a trailer load of fertilizer. Tim a little boy of eight was playing in his yard when he saw the farmer and asked, 'What've you got in your trailer?' 'Manure,' Farmer Evans replied. 'What are you going to do with it?' asked Tim. 'Put it on my strawber-ries,' answered the farmer. Tim re-plied, 'You ought to come and eat with us, we put ice-cream on our strawberries.'

The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottle rep-resents the number of pickle varie-ties the company once had.

BETCHA DIDN’T KNOW THIS! A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down. (Now how many of you are going home to try this???)

DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW THIS!

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? GO THE WHOLE 9 YARDS Meaning: To try one’s best. History: World War II Fighter pilots received a 9-yard chain of ammunition. Therefore, when a pi-lot used all of his ammunition on one target, he gave it “the whole 9 yards.

TOTALLY USELESS INFORMATION The first fossilized specimen of Australo-pithecus afarenisis was named Lucy after the paleontologists' favorite song "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds," by the Beatles.

At breakfast, the husband says to his wife “What would you do if I won the Lotto?” “I’d take my half and leave you” she says. “Great” he says. “Here's $6. I won $12 yester-day! Stay in touch.”

I recently took a job as a telemar-keter. Yesterday I called a house and a real nice lady answered the phone. She was really helpful and friendly, and was the type of lady that helps a telemarketer get through a long day. After some pleasantries I asked if Mr. Smith was in, “I’m sorry”, she answered “I’m afraid he doesn’t live here any-more.” Now that was a real disap-pointment, but I took it all in a stride, “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am. Do you happen to have his new number.” “Sure thing!” The woman cheerfully replied, listing off his new number. I hung up the phone and quickly called the new number and was surprised to hear a recording. “Thank you for calling Green Acres Cemetery…”

The New Nurse A newly hired nurse listened while the doctor was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!" She asked another nurse, "Why is he go-ing on like that?" The experienced nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here."

SOME PUNS Bakers trade bread reci-pes on a knead to know basis. ***Acupuncture is a jab well done. ***Marathon runners with bad foot-wear suffer the agony of defeat. *** The man who fell into an uphol-stery machine is fully recovered.

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor for his annual physical. While her husband dressed, the doc-tor went out to the waiting room to chat with her. “I don’t like the way your husband looks,” he said softly. “Neither do I,” she replied. “But he’s handy to have around the house.”