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Pages of Overcoming Complications

Andy Santiago

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Table of Content

Shadow Narrative page 3

Part 1: The Essay to Poem Transition page 7

Part 1: Reflection page 8

Part 2: Picture Translation page 9

Part 2: Reflection page 10

Part 3: Writing Arts Reflection page 12

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Overcoming my ComplicationsThere I am staring at the reflection in the mirror as I see the exhaustion all across my face, so

many things that cross my mind. I am scattered all over the place: school, work and my personal life can be quite overwhelming.Staying up countless nights as I continue to turn the pages of my textbook and notes trying absorb the materials for the next lecture. I look up and tears begin to fall on my notes as the tiredness from a long day begins to catch up to me.Sometimes I think about it when I wake up before I go to work as prepare myself for my daily routines. I put on my clothes, stumble across my room and pacing myself to start my day heading to work and tired from the previous night. I say to my mother, “Good-morning mom I hope you have a good day”. Then, I give her a kiss on her cheek as I whisper in her ear, “I love you mom and thank you”.My mom said, “I love you too!” and “Thank you for what?”“For giving me this opportunity called life and for being there for me when I need it most.”She smiled, as she felt the loving tension beginning to elapse her day. Bam, I snapped back into reality and took a second glance in the mirror and smile. I smile because of the trials and tribulations that I had experienced in my past made me the man that I am today.

I am a full time college student majoring in Accounting. The reason for me choosing this major is because I love the subject math, better yet, I enjoy numbers. I believe that everything in life revolves around numbers. I remember when I took my very first Accounting class back in the Spring semester of 2009; it was a hybrid Accounting course I will attend as the professor provides the lectures and the course work was done online. I happened to finish the course five weeks before the semester and ended up with an “A” in the course.

The very next class, my professor asked to speak to me after class.I was scared because I instantly assume I had done something wrong as I was hearing the tone

of her voice when she blurted her request in the middle of our class lecture.The time came as I stared at her with my hands shaking with nervousness.She said, “Why are you so nervous? You have not done anything wrong. I just wanted to ask you

for a favor.” With great relief, I said “sure professor and what may that favor be?”She smiled, as she gazed into my eyes saying, “I am pretty impressed with your performance in

my class. You have excelled on top of all my students and I see that you already finished the class. It will be an honor if you can help some of your classmates with the class because they fail to understand the concept, whereas, you fully understand the material, so can you do that favor for me?”

“Sure professor that will not be an issue.” Soon after, I designed a study group where we meet up at the library once a week. There I was able to help all the other students learn and understand the material.”

Two or three weeks after my professor came up to me and thanked me for everything that I have done to help the students. Not only have I become her top Accountant; she also gave me a recommendation letter to the Dean of Business and offered me a scholarship for my performance during our gross period of the course session.

Also, I am a full-time worker as a Dietician at a Nursing Home. I am responsible for the portions of the servings of the food; preparing the food; taking inventory; dealing with invoices and sales receipts; and cleaning. I work on a daily basis around elderly people and co-workers with different personalities.

Around this time would be our most busiest as we prepare ourselves for the holidays such as Thanksgiving. We make the orders in advance for what we need for the holidays.

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We have to order candy yams, dozens of turkeys, ham, bread and pies.As the orders come in we are rushing; stuffing the turkey, decorating the pies and adding

pineapples. In addition, I pull out my thermometer to take the temperatures of the food; being a SafeServ

facility we have to make sure everything is made correctly for the residents. Consequently, after the rush and everything is complete we have made a huge mess. We have

flour on the floor from baking to the bread crumbs from the stuffing that lashes all over the place. We are a team unit department. I will grab the broom as my other co-worker grabs the dust pan

right behind me. Some will be working in the dining rooms and the rest in the kitchen.After all is done, my manager usually gathers the team together and say “Thank you for all of

your hard work”. We smile and continue to proceed with our jobs.Before I was born my mother became very depressed when the doctors initiated for her to

terminate the pregnancy. My mother defied the doctors; she told them “as long as she has life in her she is going to keep

the baby regardless of the circumstances.” My mother does not believe in abortions. She cried, “Why should I terminate my child; is there a reason?”The doctors stated that it was a high risk pregnancy; either I was going to be born with a missing

leg or arm or I may be permanently placed in a wheel chair. She argued, if I decided to have my child fully function how long it would take for him to walk? They said I wouldn’t be able to walk until I was seven years old. She blurted, I am sorry, but my child will be walking sooner than that time.My mother was very determined to prove the doctors wrong, so she provided her own special

therapy to do so. She knew I had to eat, so she will use my bottle as a total.She said, “Come on you can do it I believe in you.”The doctors told my mom, it is still not possible for the baby to walk until he was seven. I still had to go to therapy to strengthen my muscles in my legs because they were not strong

enough for me to walk alone. Therefore, my mother continued to give me therapy until was fully able to walk.

She will walk with me several blocks every day to pick up my older siblings from school. Even though I fell down every step or every other step; my mom never gave up on me and she continued to motivate me along my side the whole time.

She will continue to say, “I will not give up on you, I know you can do it”.Not only was I being discriminated by the doctors; growing up I was discriminated by other

students and people. During school hours I would get bullied and beat up by the students. They also use to call me negative names such as retarded, stupid and slow.

What people don’t understand was I have a condition known as Muscular Dystrophy. It is a group of inherited disorders that involves muscle weakness and loss of muscle tissue, which gets worst over time. The condition was passed down from my mother; whom suffered the same condition. However, my condition happens to be more complicated and severe than hers. There are many symptoms I have to face while dealing with this birth defect. The muscle symptoms that slowly get worst over time are: The delayed development of muscle motor skills such as me not being able to walk until the age of two. I have difficulty in using one or more muscle groups; one of my legs functions better than the other. Drooling; because of the fact that I am short of breath, I tend to snore and drool while I am sleeping. Eyelid drooping; it always looks like I am tired but my eyes were naturally created like that. Frequent falls; I easily lose balance or my muscles will give up on me. Also, I trip over things quite

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frequently as well. Loss of strength in the muscle or the group of muscles as an adult; my muscles get extremely tight, numb or even give up at times. Loss in muscle size; I am unable to lift very heavy stuff because I would be at high-risk in addition to my heart rate rapidly increasing and loss of breathe. Problems walking; I may either walk with a limp or loop sided due to the effects of my condition.

A life of hell I thought to myself as pressure rushes through my head. My eyes bloodshot red dried from all the tears I cried as my self-esteem continued to decrease.

I remember back when I was in high school my junior year how I use to feel intimidated on a daily basis.

The bullying would start in my first period class “English”. I will be doing my class work as I hear giggles coming from across the room. When I look up I will see a grin on another student’s face as they hold their laughter in.One of the students said to me, “What are you staring at?”I turned my head back to my assignment when I feel something hit my head. It was a disgusting

spitball that fell off my head into the floor. The teacher saw what they have done and gave all the boys in that group lunch detention. Intimidated by her response, I took another look at the boys.

They were pounding their fists against their hands as they mumbled a threat towards me, “Wait until after class”.

After class I had to use the restroom.As I finished using the urinal and was about to wash my hands; the three boys were waiting for

me at the door. They took my backpack dumped all of my books and started to push me. They pushed me against the urinal and began punching and kicking me. I just tried covering myself while I was curled in the floor feeling the punches in every direction. They eventually stopped when another student walked in the restroom due to the noise he was

hearing from the hall.The bullies left and the boy that walked in helped me pick up my stuff and escorted me to my

next class. I could not say anything because I was scared I would get beat up again if I had told on them. I had always been a nice person to everyone, but it all changed my last years of high school. All

my life all I wanted to do was to help other be happy. I will help everyone in need and be there for everyone. Especially when it came for my family I will stop everything I was doing to help them. Consequently, everyone develop the mindset that I was supposed to do everything they wanted me to do on a regular basis. People started to take my kindness for weakness and I was not being focused on what was important to me and that was my education.

I was always a bright student in school, I was known as the mathematician because I leveled at a college level math in the ninth grade.

I remember my freshman year I will sit down at lunch and just work on complex math puzzles as I will see all the other students running and screaming across the lunchroom.

When I got home that very day, I saw my older sister struggling to do her homework. I asked her, “What kind of homework you doing?She blurted “math” as if I was a disturbance towards her.I asked can I try to do a math problem.She said, “I do not think you will be able to do this it is very hard.” So I began to do the problem as my sister continues to doubt my ability of doing the problem. I

said, “All finished”, so she checked my answer in the back of the book and I got it correct.Just because my sister was older than me she was upset and screamed “Cheater, you cheated.’

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So I will ask, “How did I cheat if you were standing right next to Me.?”She pushed me and walked away.When I graduated high school I was working and going started to attend college, but yet, I was

still helping others. I even volunteered to tutor at Camden County College for people that needed help with math. One night, I was studying for my final examination for my calculus class. I was already tired from

a frustrating day of work, so I was cranky.My sister calls me to ask me, “Can she borrow money?” I asked her, “What do you need the money for?” She was known for already taking my kindness for weakness simply because I was her younger brother. She didn’t respond, so I said, “No”.

She screamed, “You are a good for nothing brother and I hate you”With anger I screamed back “I hate you too” then hanged the phone up.

Soon after that situation I have become a stubborn and ignorant person towards her. It had gotten so bad that I started to take my anger out on everyone around me.

It even affected the performance I had towards work. Before my manager would ask me can I work an additional shift because they were short I use to cover for everyone all the time. Now, I would not work any extra time to save my life. I became temporarily spiteful and used to blurt out “Let my co-workers suffer the way I do when I work short at work.”

Not realizing that my actions were not affecting my co-workers, but the residents that lived there.

Anything would bother me even if someone called my name.Purposely my co-workers will ask me some dumb questions like “What are doing?”I began to sweat thinking of ways to react, so I walked away stomping my feet on the ground. Overall, I have learned to say “No” to people. I began thinking more about myself than other for many reasons. People never appreciated me

when I used to do things out of the kindness of my heart. Now that I have put my foot down, I heard whispers of apologies from my siblings for treating me the way they did. It was a little too late for that, the only person that was there for them for their selfish needs has vanished and became one of them. I laugh at them now because I am giving them a taste of their own medicine and they do not like that. They say comical expressions such as “I miss the kind little brother you used to be”. Dramatically laughing, I replied, you made me this way suck it up life goes on.

I started to do better in school and started to stay more focused and in-tuned with what I was doing. Even though my older siblings motivated me to continue my education; I thank them and told them you are everything I do not want to be in life. They messed up their lives, they is not going to mess up mines. I worked too hard to get where I am today.

I realized that I lived a life of fear; I was scared to be mistreated and singled out by people. I still remember when I was a kid; I could not sleep at night because I thought there was a monster in my closet. But my brother told me fear was not made of anything, it was just air. Not even that. He said I would just have to face it. I would just have to open the door and the monster will disappear. However, when dealing with people, all the monsters in the present was real. As I matured and become wiser, I realized it was my self-consciousness that was manipulating my mind. As a result, I did not let anything or anyone destroy what I had worked so hard to build.

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Andy SantiagoPart 1: The Essay to Poem Transition

I lived a life of fearHow do you feel when you hear the word fear?Do you feel chills in your spine or tumbling tears?Like the negative voices whispers in your ears

How does it feel to be neglected?You are pushed over daily just being rejected.All I wanted was to be accepted

Why is all this happening to me? I blame myselfTossed over like a used toy being placed back on a shelfJust so much negative thoughts brought to one-self

At work and school it feels the sameUnnoticed in the corner, shrouded in shameAnger building a fire and releasing its flame

From the time I was bullied and shovedTo the time I wanted a feeling of loveI prayed to God daily, wishing upon the stars above

I changed my attitude towards othersBecause of how I was treated by my sisters and brothersAn impact was made that I could not recover

My mother always told me everything would be okay.Will I see more sunshine to brighten my way?Or am I going to feel tears each and every day?

It touches her heart feeling my vibe of painShe is stressed and depress and going insaneFor something’s she cannot refrainLooking at the gray clouds and puddles of rain

How can I overcome this complication?It felt like the world was ending a revelation Or a sign of openness with great notation

I realized I lived a life of fear

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Andy SantiagoPart 1: Reflection

When reflecting my narrative I tried taking the strongest substance of my story which was fear and translated it into a poem. I started and ended with fear, but in between was some of the complications I had to overcome while facing this fear. We as all fear something; it is within our own good will to overcome such dreadful task. Even though it may seem hard at times; I was always taught wherever there is a will there is a way. I wanted to develop a quick overview of my complications in a short poem.

When developing my poem, I knew when I stated me deciding to change towards others will help me reveal my shadow narrative and its primary focus. Plus, I wanted to show additional untold feelings and pain in the process that brought me to realizing the whole time I was living a life a fear. Most importantly, show the change of heart and my attitude towards others. I tried adding being bullied and my mother as a source to show how I have changed because of the situation. Even though I care about my family dearly, I just wanted to show how much they made an impact to my life in a negative way.

I was quite complex to take out the importance of my shadow narrative and developing a short poem meaningful and straight to the point. I read over my shadow and realized that I spoke the whole time about complications that lead to this fear that I held inside of me. Fear to step my foot down and stand up for myself; the changes I had made and the complications that I had to go through that made me realized I lived a life of fear. I explained my whole life story; it talked about how I was sad and alone and implied the fear I carried within myself that could not go away. A lot of parts of my shadow were irrelevant, but it all led to what I wanted everyone to know.

Overall, I wanted my poem to be known and directed to the people that changed the way I am today. I did not became stubborn and act different towards others for not reason. That is why I had to translate it so that it was directed towards those specified people. Also, I wanted people to understand where I was coming from and the reason for my change so; I developed it in a way that they can reflect and relate to it. I tried to reflect it to my shadow narrative the best way I can but interpreting the main points and facts from it.

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Andy Santiago Part 2: The Essay to New Genre Translation Assignment- Rhetorical Translation

The struggles people face on a daily basis is like jumping over the hurdles of life

Bullies Sister Education

Andy Santiago

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Part 2: Reflection

For the second part of my portfolio; the rhetorical to new genre translation I created

jumping over hurdles. This symbolizes the struggles I had to face in my shadow narrative which

was overcoming my complications in life. I tried to target the audience by designing a picture of

hurdles about my life for others to understand and reflect where I am coming from. As we

continue to jump the hurdles it gets more and more complex as we move forward and

understand the values of life. Complications always ran in my family; we always seem to have a

complex way of living life the way we want to. I have been dealing with complications all the

time and have been living life a step at a time or in this translation a hurdle at a time.

When choosing the hurdles as a translation; I realized how it corresponds perfectly my

shadow narrative because it reflected on every single complication that I had to face over the

course of my life. The picture shows a guy with glasses jumping over hurdles and as he knocks

one down he keeps trying. However, the hurdles become higher and higher the further he goes.

It was to show how overwhelming one may become when jumping over these hurdles; it tends

to increase the duration of complications for any accomplishments. Some may believe it is an

easy task, but when placed under pressure and complications, they will soon realize it is not as

easy as it may sound or look.

One may visualize and ask why hurdles? I chose hurdles because I believe it is not as

easy as it may seem to jump or accomplish. Therefore, I labeled each hurdle on what I believe

was the biggest complications of my life from least to greatest. In order for me to reach the

next hurdle, I must overcome some of the previous ones first. For each hurdle obstacle, it

becomes much more complex to overcome. Also, there are hurdles that were tumbled on the

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floor even though I may have tripped and made several mistakes within the course of my life; I

want people to understand that even though it may seem impossible in their eyes, I will never

give up in life. I may fall a few times, but I will always get back up and try again.

When creating the rhetorical translations I chose to use adaptation. I chose an athletic

piece of art so it can help the audience understand and target where I am coming from. We all

know we must work hard to become successful in life; this was just an adaptation to show the

struggles one may face to do so. I was not my fault I was born with a complex life, but this

picture shows how I have to deal with such difficulties to become successful in life. It also,

reflects to my shadow narrative because I have to face these complications and even though it

is not easy I will never give up.

Andy Santiago

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Part 3: Writing Arts Goals Reflection

When writing I like developing critical awareness with my writing as well as others. The

purpose of this course was to develop the understanding and creativity of writing which is the

use of critical thinking. We as writers have to be aware of our creativity, understanding and

development of writing. One way of being aware is reading others writing. Over the course, I

read many different passages and I was very aware of the styles and format of their writings

and respectfully reflected towards it with my own matter.

My critical awareness started with the passage of “A Black Man Ponders his Power to

Alter Space”. It was talking about a tall black guy around 6’2 tall. He use to walk through the

park and he felt uncomfortable. He believed he was a nice guy, but he didn’t want to be seen as

a scary black guy. With the expressions on other people faces made it seem as the guy was a

black thug or murder, but in reality it was the total opposite. The guy was aware of their

approach and decided to change his ways of doing and seeing things. He soon turns into a

person they assumed he was already. In event, he believed it was like a game; afterwards he

was able to laugh at what was going on. He used his shadow as a power over the people

because he knew they would be frightened. He was still a nice guy, but he was very aware of

certain things and approached it a certain way. They made him terrified, so he showed how

terrified he could be. It made me well aware on the approach this guy had to take in such

matters.

My next passage I became well-aware of was “The 100% Perfect Girl”. In this story talks

about a man who believes the woman he walks pass is the 100% perfect girl. It was a perfect

April morning he visualizes himself talking or approaching this special individual. Unfortunately,

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he also visualizes rejections and had second thoughts which made him too shy to say hello. He

went into a fantasy world where he sees them two holding hands and kissing each other in the

park at a young age of time. The boy was eighteen and the girl was sixteen; they both vowed to

each other and stated that they were the perfect one for each other before drifting away.

About fourteen years later he recognizes her, but sadly she didn’t recognize him. It was as if she

never existed. Consequently, her memories were too weak as she faded away like the wind. He

snapped back into reality after wanting to say all of those words as he turned around he was

aware that she was gone forever.

When writing I like to focus on experiencing revision as an ongoing process rather than

an end point. As we explained in class, everything can always be revised and changed for a

better outcome. No one is perfect; therefore, to create a perfect essay or a perfect poem

doesn’t exist. However, I have a tendency to do things with the best of my abilities, so I am

always changing things over and over to make whatever I am changing better such as my

papers.

The reading “A Grammatical Excursion” really was one of my favorite passages I had

read during the semester. It was my favorite passage; because it was based on poetry and I love

writing poetry. It became an interest on how well they went in depth with writing poetry.

Looking and other people’s poetry and reflecting them with mines made a huge impact on how

I have been seeing poetry the whole time. After reading this passage I had actually went back

and revised some of my essay and the techniques on how they when in depths with the poetry

set out more meaning to poetry. Not only had this passage seen me revising my poetry in a

more creative way; but it helped me with ideas on revising my essays as well.

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When revising my essays this semester my primary focus was on my shadow narrative. I

have created many drafts which each one I have done my paper improved better and better.

Before I took this class I was never in-tuned to my writing the way I am in-tuned with it today.

By me revising my essays more and more enhanced my creativity in my writing abilities. Since

this is a Writer’s Mind class our objectives was being more creative with our writing and have a

better understanding of writing in the process. I excelled with my writing in a way I thought I

would never achieve, but I have done it.

I took this Writer’s Mind class because it was a major requirement to do so. I honestly

was scared to take this class because I know English has always been my weakest subject and I

am embarrassed to say, but I have grammatical problems. Therefore, I was unaware of what I

was getting myself into. I never thought writing could be this much fun and important until I

took this course. I also wanted to improve with my grammar, so I can write better essays,

stories and poems.

With the different types of assignments given to me in this course, I had approached

them differently. The main assignment that really helped me to excel in my writing and revising

process was my Shadow Narrative. It helped me to think more critically and carefully; I liked

how this class had us revising our essays adding and letting go things; that was my first time

experiencing something like that. It made me view writing in an efficient and more respectful

way.

Overall, I have learned a lot of from this class; I had developed more confidence towards

my writing, which before I didn’t have any confidence towards my writing. Poetry has always

been my favorite writing hobby, but after I read “A Grammatical Excursion” it helped me

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appreciate and value poetry even more. Also, it helped more to write better poems. Now I can

utilize the knowledge gain from this course to better my future writing assignments or courses.