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FromRussianRefugeetoBusinessPowerhousetoHappinessEntrepreneur:ACynicofSelf-Help-TurnedAmbassadorofJoyOffersanIlluminatingGuideonthe
PracticeofHappiness
"In HAPPIER NOW, Nataly Kogan discovers that chasingone big goal rarely brings an end to self-doubt, fear, andunhappiness.Instead,truesatisfactionismoreoftenfoundin facing our negative emotions, cultivating self-care, andfindingpurposeinlife.Thisbookcanbeyourguidetoalifeof genuine happiness.” –– Daniel H. Pink, bestsellingauthorofDriveandAWholeNewMind"Through doable, accessible practices Nataly teaches ushowto find joy ineverydaymoments rather thanhangingourhappinessonthenextbigmilestoneandhowtoavoidbeingguidedbyouregoandrememberthatwe'reabeing,not a doing. As a mom, my biggest takeaway was theimportance of teaching my kids that it's okay to not behappy sometimes instead of giving them a distraction tomake them happy." –– Fran Hauser, Startup investor,formerPresidentofDigital,TimeInc.andauthorofTheMythoftheNiceGirl
AfterescapingtheSovietUnionat13yearsold,beingarefugeeinEurope,andthensettlingintheprojectsoutsideDetroit,NatalyKoganknowswhat it’s like toexperiencedisplacement,darkness,anduncertainty. Kogan, likemost immigrants, believed that theAmericandreamwas to becomehappybyachievingalotandmakingalotofmoney,whichshedid.For20yearsshechasedher“Big
Happy.”She learnedtospeak flawlessEnglish,graduatedtopofherclassatWesleyanUniversity,worked at Mckinsey & Company, Microsoft, and became one of the youngest female venturecapitalistsinNewYork.Shewasmarriedtoamanwholovedandrespectedherandhadabeautifuldaughter.Andyet,shewasfarfromfindingthehappinessshekeptwaitingfor.Shewasburnedoutandguiltyaboutnotfeelinghappyafterovercomingsomanyobstacles.Shewasn’talone;only33%ofAmericanssaythey’rehappy.Koganbelievedthathersufferingwastoodeeplyrootedforanythingtomakeadifference.Asshesays, “Russians are good at three things: suffering,making others suffer, and complaining aboutsuffering.”Shealsothoughtanythingrelatedtoreligionorspiritualitywas“woowooandacrutchtomake life easier” and shedidn’tdoor trust easy. Sohowdid she come toembraceeverythingfromspiritualitytoresearchonhappiness?Through a lot of struggle, skepticism, and science. As someone who always applied herself tolearning, Nataly was diligent when it came to problem-solving, and saw her unhappiness assomething she could solvewith research and practice. Butwhen she first encountered researchshowingthebenefitsofgratitude,sheimmediatelyrejectedit.ItseemedtoosimplisticandtooNewAgey. Desperate to feel better she decided, albeit reluctantly, to give it a try. Nataly’s 30-daygratitudeexperimentdidn’tfail,asshehadexpected,buthadaprofoundeffectonher.Forthefirsttime in her life she truly experienced the little moments of joy, meaning, love, kindness, andbeauty—themoments sheneverpaused longenough to appreciatebecause shewas chasing thisnon-existentstateofperfecthappiness.HerpowerfulexperienceinspiredNatalytofoundHappier,Inc.in2012,andcreateanaward-winningmobileappthathashelpedmorethanamillionpeoplearoundtheworldcaptureandsharemorethan8millionmomentsofgratitude.But—as she reveals for the first time—even gratitude couldn’t saveNataly fromdescending intowhatshecallsthedarkesttimeinherlife.Whilethecompanyshelaunchedwashelpingsomany,Nataly was struggling to function, seeing her relationships deteriorate and her ability to be asuccessful CEO falter.With thehelp of anunexpected spiritual teacher andher tenacity of doingmorereserch,diving intothepracticesofyogaandBuddhism,andcreatingasetofdailyanchorsthatshepracticedconsistently,sheemergedwithgreaterresilienceandhope.Asshesharesinhernewbook,sherealizedthatshe,asmanyofus,hadbeenmissingacriticalskillwithoutwhichitisnot possible to feel genuinely happier: The ability to be okaywhennot everything is okay (as itneveris.)Havingpreviouslyfearedbeinghonestaboutherstrugglesbecauseshefeltitwouldmakeherlookweak—as a CEO,mom,wife, friend, person—Nataly has learned the power of accepting difficultemotions rather than trying to run from themor fightwith them,andhowdoing thisboostsouremotional immune system and gives us the resilience to get through challenging times. This,togetherwithlearninghowtopauseandtrulyappreciatethesmallmomentsofjoyinoureverydaylives,arethekeylessonsNatalysharesinherpowerfulandhonestbook.
WithHAPPIERNOW:HowtoStopChasingPerfectionandEmbraceEverydayMoments:EventheDifficultOnes(SoundsTrue|OnSaleMay1,2018),NatalyKoganshareshercompellingandinspiringpersonalstoryandguidesreaderswithactionableadvicerootedinscientificresearchtohelpthemstrengthentheirhappierskillsandexperiencegreaterjoyandmeaning.Sheoffershermostimportantlesson:Youcan’twaitforeverythingtobeperfecttofeelgood—youhavetolearnhowtofindjoyinsmalleverydaymomentsandtoboostyouremotionalimmunesystemsoyoucangetthroughtoughtimeswithcompassionandresilience.NatalyaddshumorandtexturetoherstoryandsaysshelearnedfromaneclecticgroupthatincludedRamDaas,ViktorFrankl,MartinSeligman,andevenAlyssaMilano’scharacteronWho’stheBoss. Someinsightsfromherlivelyandilluminatingbook:
● Whyit’simportanttostopsaying“I’llbehappywhen”andstartsaying,“I’llbehappiernowbecause...”
● Whylearninghowtobeunhappyiscrucialtobeinghappier.● Gettingthehelpofyourinvisibleally:theemotionalimmunesystem.● HowtocountertheCurseoftheMovingBaseline.● ThewayoutoftheValleyofSufferingandintotheValleyofJoy.● Howembracingour“negative”emotionsactuallyhelpsustofeelthemlessintensely.● Becominghappierisn’tafeeling,butaskillwecanallimprovethroughpractice.● Howself-compassionincreasesmotivationtoimprove.● Thebridgeofresilienceandhowtolightenourto-dolistswithourBiggerWhy.
AtatimewhenAmericansreporthigherstresslevelsforthefirsttimeinadecade,HAPPIERNOWoffers a refreshingly practical, unique and hopeful approach to improving your emotional healthwithoutwaitinguntilyou’vedoneeverythingperfectlytoearntherighttofeelgood.
HappierNow:HowtoStopChasingPerfectionandEmbraceEverydayMoments(EventheDifficultOnes)
ByNatalyKogan
OnSaleMay1,2018
Hardcover|SoundsTrue|ISBN-10:1683641108|$22.95
ABOUTNATALYKOGANNatalyKoganisanentrepreneur,speaker,andauthoronamissiontohelpmillionsofpeoplecultivatetheirhappierskillsbymakingsimple,scientifically-backedpracticespartoftheirdailylife.ShefoundedHappier,Inc.afterherchaseofhappinessbasedonachievementandsuccessfailed,andafterturningtosciencetounderstandwhattrulyleadstoahappierlife.Happier’saward-winningmobileapp,onlinecoursesandHappier
atWork™workshops,she’shelpednearlyamillionpeopleimprovetheiremotionalhealthandfindmorejoyandmeaningintheirdailylives.BeforeHappier Natalywas a digitalmedia executive, a venture investor, and an analystwithMcKinsey&Co. inNYC.WhenNatalywas13yearsold,her familycameasrefugeesfrom Russia to the United States. This experience of struggle and triumph and morestruggle came to shape a great deal of what andwho she is, and—Nataly says—was inmanywaysthefoundationforeverythingshe’sdonesince.Nataly’sworkhasbeenfeaturedinTime,TheNewYorkTimes,Forbes,TheBostonGlobe,andTheWallStreetJournal,amongotheroutletsandsheisanin-demandkeynotespeaker,whohasalsogivenaTEDxTalkonthepowerofcapturingandsharingsmallmomentsofgratitudeandkindness.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Natalyinsecondgrade NatalyinViennawithherparents
QUESTIONSFORNATALYKOGANQ: In 1989, you and your family escaped the SovietUnion, became refugees inEurope, and thenmade your way to the U.S., where you settled in the projects outside Detroit. How did thisexperienceshapeyouroutlookonlife?Q: Yousay “Itwouldbe funnier if itweren’t so true,but inmyexperience,Russiansaregoodatthree things: suffering, making others suffer, and complaining about suffering.” How do ourculturalinheritanceandupbringingimpactourmindsetandhowdoyoubreakthecycle?Q: Growingup, religionandspiritualitywerenotpartofyour life. In fact, youviewed themasacrutch,believingthat“onlythosewhocouldn’thack‘real’lifeusedittomakelifeeasier.”Youwereverycynicalaboutanythinghavingtodowithspiritualityandself-help.Whatchangedyourmindaboutitandwhatwouldyousaytosomeonewhoisascynicalasyouwere,believingthattheonlyway to live is to suffer through thepain,workharder, persevere, andpretend that everything isokay?Q:YourAmericandreamwastobecomehappybydoingalot,achievingalot,makingalotofmoneyandtakinggreatcareofyourfamily.For20yearsyouchasedwhatyoucalledyour“BigHappy,”butwhat you ultimately realized was that you were exhausted. What was the pivotal moment thatmadeyouchangecourseandcommittounderstandingwhathappinessreallyis?Q:EvenafteryoufoundedHappier,madegratitudearegularpracticeandweresharingitwiththeworld, you descended intowhat you call your darkestmoments. Your companywas at risk; youwerehardlyfunctioning,yourrelationshipswithpeopleyoulovedmost, includingyourmarriage,wereintrouble.Sodoesthismeangratitudedoesn’tactuallywork?Q:Oneofthepracticesyouwriteaboutislearninghowtobemorehonestaboutnotalwaysbeingokay with others. You hid your burnout for as long as you could because you felt that as anentrepreneur,asaCEO,youcouldn’tsharewithanyonethatyouwerestrugglingbecauseitwouldmakeyouseemweak.Whatfinallyledyoutoopenupandwhatdidyouexperienceastheresultofbeinghonestandvulnerable?Q: Youwrite that to learn tobehappywehave to learn tobeunhappy.This sounds like strangeadvice.Whatdoyoumean?Q:Inyourbook,youshareastoryabouthowwhenyoulivedintherefugeesettlementinVienna,yourfathertookyouandyourmomonafreetouroftheViennaOperaHouse.Yourefusedeventotrytoenjoyitbecauseyouthoughtthattofindjoyinsomethingwhilelifewasprettydesperate—youhadnomoneyandno ideawhenand ifyouwouldmake it toAmerica—was likecheatingonreality.Whathaschangedinyourthinking?
Q: Inyourquest forhappinessyoudida lotof research. What are someof themost importantthingsweneedtoknowabouthowtoalleviatesadness,anxiety,anddoom?Q:Yousaythattheworstthingtodoforanunhappypersonistotrytocheerthemup.Whatdoyoumean?Q:Whataresomeofthebiggestroadblockswhenitcomestobeinghappier?Q:Whataresomeofthemostimportantthingswecandorightnowtobehappier?Q:Asyouthrewyourselfintostudyingthescienceandphilosophyofhappiness,whoweresomeofthe peoplewho had the biggest impact? Could you share some of thewisdom you gleaned fromthem?Q: You allowed yourself to try painting when you turned 40 and became a self-taught abstractartist.Whatdoescreativityhavetodowithhappiness?Q: Inourcurrentpoliticalclimate,manyrefugeesand immigrantsarestrugglingtocopewiththefear of being deported or not being given the opportunity to enter the United States. Anyguidance/adviceyoucansharethatwouldhelpthembehappiernow?Q:YoudedicatedHappierNowtoyourdaughter,Mia,andyoufinishthebookwithalettertohersharing some of the important things you’ve learned about living happier andmore fully.Whatwould be three things parents can do now to help their children be happier in a complex anddifficultworld?Q: In 2012, you began a sudden obsession with the color orange. Is there a significance to thisparticularcolor?Hasorangemadeyouhappier?Q:Doesn’ttryingtobehappymakeusmoremiserable?Someprominentthinkersandresearchershavecomeforwardtoarguethis.Whatisyourresponse?Q: Tell us about our natural negativity bias and what negativity does to us physically andemotionally?
The10CommandmentsofHappier-ness
1. Happiness doesn’t arise frommaking everything in our lives perfect. It comes fromembracing life as it is and finding smallmoments of gratitude, joy, kindness, beauty, andhumanconnectionwithin it.By trulybeingpresent for thosemomentsandbeinggratefulforthem,wefindtheresiliencetoweatherlife’sstorms.
2. Happinessisn’tsomethingyoufeel,butsomethingyoudo.It’saskilleveryoneofushasand can improve by regularly practicing the scientifically-proven habits of acceptance,gratitude,kindness,thebiggerwhy,andself-care.
3. It’sOKtobenotOK.Trueemotionalwell-being isnot theabsenceofnegativeemotions.It’sthepracticeofstrengtheningyouremotional immunesystemsothatyoulearnhowtobeOKevenwhennoteverythingisOK.
4. “I’llbehappywhen…” is the surestway tonever feelhappyenough.Genuineemotionalwellnesscanonlybenurturedfromwithin.
5. BeHereNow (howevernow is).Whenyoubecomeawake towhat is andhowyou feelrightnow,withoutjudgmentorexpectations,yougainclarityandstrength.
6. Youcanpracticegratitudeineverymoment,evenwhenlifesucks.Whenyoulookforsomething,howeversmall,toappreciate,yourbrainreleasesserotoninanddopamine,bothofwhichmakeyoufeelbetter.Gratitudeismagicmedicinethatneverrunsout.
7. Bekindwithout expecting anything in return.Do it because it feels better to be kindthannot.Youexperience100%ofemotionsyougivetoothers,sowhenyouactkindly,youfeelkindnesstowardsyourself.
8. Seekmeaningmoreoften thanhappiness. The simplest acts, ifmeaningful to you,willbringyouclosertofeelingfull,alive,andhappier.
9. Don’t try tobe fearless.Acceptyour fearandmove into love, commitment,passion,anddedicationforwhatyouaredoing.
10. *You can’t give what you don’t have. Taking care of your emotional well-being is thegreatestgiftyoucangivetopeopleyoulove.
