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Fish: A History of One MigrationBy Peter AleshkovskyTranslation by Nina Shevchuk-MurrayRussian Life Books, September , !""#$ % &SBN '()-))"""-$!-!

*+cerpt !"" .or/s

Fishs main character and narrator, Vera, grew up in Tajikistan. Hernarrative moves back and forth between the present (where she isproviding hospice care to an elderly woman in oscow! and herchildhood in the provincial Tajik town of "anjakent. This episode isfrom the beginning of the novel.

&t0s been a lon1 time since & live/ on 2oya 3osmo/emyanskaya Street inPan4akent5 6or t.enty-seven years & have not .oken up to the rooster0s cro. an/the bleatin1 of the nei1hbors0 black 1oat7 & have not peere/ out my .in/o. at theni1htly 1atherin1 of a terrifyin1 /o1 pack un/er the streetlamp5 Less an/ lessoften /o & recall the 2aravshan mountain ran1e, bluish-1reen in the pre-/a.nmist, an/ the /ark ribbon of the river belo.5 By eleven o0clock the mountains.oul/ fa/e in the oily smoke of heat, an/ only their sha/o. .oul/ remain, a mereoutline, a hint5 They .oul/ appear a1ain, /im an/ purple, before the sunset, afterthe heat of the /ay ha/ passe/5 Then Mom .oul/ come home from her shift at thehospital an/ take a .atermelon for the t.o of us from the ha8s9a shallo. pon/in the 1ar/en5 :e0/ sit /o.n to /inner, an/ & .oul/ bite into the col/, su1ary -.atermelon flesh, then after.ar/s count the black see/s on my plate an/ecstatically slap my .atermelon-stuffe/ belly .ith my sticky han/5 All this, an/much more, rarely surfaces in my memory, but sometimes, .hen & am fallin1

asleep, the faces of the ol/ people an/ the men in the teahouse pass throu1h mymin/5 They 1a;e to.ar/ the vanishin1 mountains, /eep in thou1hts not 1iven to a1irl0s un/erstan/in1 or feelin15 Their faces are like the faces of hu1e fishsuspen/e/ in a canal heavy, silvery carp .ith ti1htene/ cheeks, their lips movin1as if la;ily repeatin1 a prayer, their tiny eyes lookin1 strai1ht throu1h you,unblinkin1, eerie an/ col/ like sleepin1 .ater5

Probably this all comes back because & so often stare at the face of Mornin15 Mornin15@ This means that .e0re truly havin1 a

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1oo/ mornin15 :e set about our routine5 She is .ei1htless, like a small 1irl, an/ itis easy to move her aroun/5

&f, ho.ever, her 1a;e is fro;en an/ still, an/ her eyes look clou/y an/ vacant, itis pointless to 1reet her5 & imme/iately come to the be/, chan1e her Pampers, 1iveher a spon1e bath, treat her be/sores .ith buckthorn oil, an/ be1in to rub her

back an/ le1s to brin1 back the bloo/ an/ .armth5&f her eyes are close/ an/ her han/ lies on top of the blanket like a lash, that0svery ba/ ne.s .e0re /yin1 a1ain5 er bloo/ pressure can 4ump from '" over $"to !!" over "7 the bloo/ vessels in her hea/ are .orn to shre/s5 Cf course,fee/in1 her is out of the Duestion, an/ on /ays like these & suckle her on a bottle,like a baby5 Refle+ively, she moves her lips, an/ & am happy if she at leastmana1es to 1et /o.n some 4uice5 & once trie/ 1ivin1 her soup that .ay, but sheshut her lips like sub.ay /oors an/ that .as it, they .ere not openin1 until thene+t stop5

& put an o+y1en mask on her to help her breathe, an/ if she starts s.eatin1 &run a .arm spon1e over her almost lifeless bo/y, kno.in1 that my 1ran/ma isfar, far a.ay, an/ all & can /o is .ait an/ pray5 Since & /on0t kno. ho. to prayproperly, & 4ust mumble Duickly, >6ather-

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5 ! 5

:e sleep poorly5 &t is a 1ift if .e have t.o or three Duiet ni1hts a .eek5 Timehas aban/one/ my 1ran/ma, has fluttere/ a.ay an/ tan1le/ up, like clumpy,freshly-shorn .ool before it is ma/e into felt5 At ni1ht, 1ran/ma stares at a point

on the ceilin15 Mark =iper?@ an/, infecte/ .ith each other0s ma/ness, .e took off runnin15 Lo.-han1in1 branches of /ry, thorny bushes slamme/ shut behin/ us, yet surprisin1ly

.e 1ot only a fe. scratches5 :e climbe/ shapeless clay .alls like Re/partizans,cra.le/ on our bellies across stran1ers0 orchar/s, an/ soon foun/ ourselves in theol/ city, in the Ta4ik nei1hborhoo/s5

&n a corner, leanin1 a1ainst a mu/ .all ami/ thick cherry-plums, stoo/ a she/.ith a holey roof5 The roof .as all but strippe/ of its stra. cover, an/ the thinbeams stuck out like the ribs of a co. carcass bake/ by the sun5 Ninka /ove intothe lopsi/e/ /oor.ay7 there must have been a 1ate there once5 & follo.e/ her intothe foul-smellin1 /arkness5 Some.here close a /o1 barke/ lou/ly, but .e /i/ not

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care5 &n the /arkest corner, a horse stoo/ on .hat .as left of the rotten stra.5:hen youn1, he must have been re//ish bro.n5 No. he .as completely 1rey7 histail .as tan1le/ an/ stu//e/ .ith burrs5 :hen .e came in, the horse startle/,slashe/ the air .ith his tail, s.ept it across his hin/ le1s an/ fell still a1ain5 Thetail hun1 limply7 only the ears stoo/ up strai1ht an/ took aim at us, even thou1h

the horse /i/ not turn his hea/5 &t .as Duiet7 the flies bu;;e/ an1rily5>3iss him?@ Ninka or/ere/5& circle/ the horse on the left, put my han/ on his skinny back an/ ran it alon1

his spine5 &t left a trace on his coat5 The horse .as /irty7 /ust an/ tiny hairs stuckto my han/5 A vein shu//ere/ in his neck, his hin/ le1 4erke/, an/ a hoofthumpe/ on the 1roun/5 & /i/ not shy a.ay7 instea/, & patte/ his bony back,move/ my han/ to his neck an/ rubbe/ it several times, makin1 a curry-comb.ith my fin1ers5 & ha/ seen men soothe their horses this .ay5

The horse .as bri/le/ an/ tie/ to the trou1h5 6inally, his hea/ turne/ to.ar/sme5 A lar1e, .eary eye re1ar/e/ me7 the eyeli/ t.itche/5 Puss ran in a streamfrom the corner of his eye /o.n his nose7 a thinner stream /rippe/ from theother eye5 A clump of flies rose an1rily from the horse0s hea/7 a fe. 1ot trappe/ inmy hair5 & /i/ not take my han/ back an/ /i/ not shriek, but my .hole bo/ysu//enly .ent stiff5 & felt my cheeks ice over5 & took the lifeless hea/ in my han/s,pulle/ it to.ar/s me, an/ kisse/ it, not even closin1 my eyes5 Then & left the she/,picke/ up a can, an/ /re. .ater from the irri1ation /itch5 & foun/ a threa/barera1 in the same /itch an/ .ashe/ the horse0s face as best & coul/5 e stoo/ there,all .oo/en an/ stiff, his sli1htly flarin1 nostrils the only si1n of life5 & rubbe/ an/rubbe/, an/ trie/ not to think about the smell an/ the sticky puss5 & kept starin1at the /ark-re/ coat that be1an to shine ma1ically un/er my .et ra15 & must have1iven or/ers, too, because t.ice Ninka ran to refill the can .ith fresh .ater, &/on0t remember5

& only remember that a shape su//enly appeare/ in the /oor.ay, blockin1 the

li1ht5 The o.ner of the place stoo/ there, a hoe in his han/ he ha/ arme/ himselfa1ainst horse thieves5 e shoute/ somethin1 in Ta4ik5 & kept /oin1 my 4ob5Su//enly, the man calme/ /o.n an/ crouche/ in the corner5 :hen & .as /one, &kisse/ the in/ifferent horse a1ain strai1ht on a /ry nostril5 The o.ner stoo/ up,1athere/ me in a fatherly hu1 an/ mumble/, >Thank, thank, 1oo/ 1irl, horse ol/,Nure//in very ol/, it0s a pity5@

e took us to the house, to the open porch-aivan, an/ treate/ us to tea .ithDuince 4elly an/ tasty flatbrea/s5 The ol/ man live/ alone7 his .ife ha/ /ie/ a lon1time a1o5 The teacups .ere /irty, .ith chippe/ rims5 e hushe/ at the /o1, sa.us off to the street, an/ stoo/ at the 1ate .avin1 as .e .alke/ a.ay5 e 1lo.e/like a li1ht bulb in a /ark closet5 & .alke/ /o.n the street an/ /i/ not hear

anythin1 of .hat Ninka .as sayin15 & surreptitiously felt my cheeks the icemelte/, but insi/e & .as still col/ an/ felt 1oo/, because the chilly .eariness .asfa/in1 a.ay an/ somethin1 else .as seepin1 in, somethin1 & cannot /escribe tothis /ay5