While the nation’s stomachsgroan collectively and beltsare loosened following theannual festive excess, it’s adifferent story some 11

hours east. On the island of Koh Samui insouthern Thailand, the only food thatmakes an appearance for guests atAbsolute Sanctuary, a plush, Moroccan-in-spired health and yoga re-sort, is in their minds.

Compiling fantasy men-us, dreaming of forsakenmince pies and pining forChristmas pudding is a dai-ly occurrence for partici-pants in the Holistic Ulti-mate Detox, a seven-dayprogramme in which justabout every calorific pleas-ure is off the menu.

Solids may be contra-band but there’s plenty toconsume each day in theform of specially preparedjuices laced with psylliumhusk, an intestinal cleanserthat clings to the colonwalls, retains moisture andsoftens and loosens the

waste matter, and bentonite clay, whichacts like a magnetic sponge and removestoxins from the digestive tract. There isalso an Oliver Twist-style vegetable broth;fresh coconut water; and a barrage of herb-al nutritional supplements. The pro-gramme also includes the not insignificantmatter of daily colonic hydrotherapy ses-sions and relaxing treatments such as mas-

sages, skin scrubsand Reiki sessions.

Not for the faint-hearted, then – and aworld apart from theusual fly-and-flopChristmas holidayI’m accustomed to.This is an intense pro-gramme that produc-es serious bodily re-actions, which is whyit is best carried outunder the supervi-sion of the medicalteam on hand at theresort.

It’s an unusual –draconian, somemight venture – wayto spend Christmas,

yet for those prepared to invest a week inthe human equivalent of an NCT, it is ahugely rewarding one.

Rewards, however, seem a mile away atthe initial, pre-detox consultation, whereDr Will, a naturopathic doctor who hasworked at the exclusive Chiva Som spa inHua Hin, assesses participants’ medical his-tories, their health status and, crucially,their reasons for embarking on the week-long programme. At this point, detoxersare also weighed and have their blood pres-sure and body fat measured, before beinggiven a detailed explanation of pro-gramme and its various components.

Warnings are given about potential nau-sea, mood swings and energy slumps dur-ing the initial stages. I feel a stab of pity formy travel companion, my mother, who fac-es the possibility of enduring, rather thanenjoying, my company should I experienceany, or even all, of the aforementioned.

So what brings a self-confessed mincepie addict to Absolute Sanctuary and, more

specifically, to participate in its mostintense health programme? With the big40 looming large on the horizon, my rea-sons for signing up could possibly be con-strued as the first signs of a midlife crisis. Iprefer, however, to view them as a desire tohold on to the look and feel of youth just alittle longer. There’s also the incentive ofenjoying the results that those completingthe Ultimate Detox have sworn by: en-hanced energy levels, improved digestion –colon hydrotherapy progressively removesyears of toxins and impacted waste fromthe body – weight loss, reduced stress lev-els and enhanced mental clarity.

My fellow detoxers, a cosmopolitanbunch aged between mid-twenties and ear-ly seventies who, thankfully, were theantithesis of the lentil-chomping, hemp-wearing health nuts I had anticipated, hadtheir own tangible goals, including tack-ling stomach complaints, food allergiesand severe constipation. Most were keen tostress – a cynic might say too keen – that los-ing weight was not the goal. “It’s a bit ex-treme to travel halfway around the worldjust for a diet,” insisted one forty-some-thing Londoner before adding, “Mind you,I wouldn’t mind shedding a few pounds.”

On paper, certainly, it sounds like a trau-

■ The pool at Absolute Sanctuary(above); a suite at the resort (aboveright), and Alexander Fitzgerald enjoyinga detox drink (below left).

Having avoided turkey with all the trimmings infavour of a week-long fast with daily colonics,

Alexander Fitzgerald’s Christmas holiday wasanything but typical. But why would he fly half-way

around the world to deprive himself, what did itentail and, crucially, was it all worth it?

TRAVEL

Festivedetox

34 |THE IRISH TIMES Magazine | December 22, 2012

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GADGETS

matic week, and one that would requireHerculean levels of will-power. However,aided by daily temperatures in the mid-thir-ties and a host of pampering treatments,the seven days passed surprisingly quicklyand, for the most part, without hardship.

Energy levels on days one and two weresufficiently high to participate in90-minute yoga classes and enjoy swims inboth the clear blue South China sea and theresort’s stunning infinity pool. On daythree, which is said to be the most challeng-ing, the mother of all headaches kicked in.Thoughts of food, meanwhile, danced amerry and relentless jig across my mind;the temptation to sneak even a smallmouthful of fruit proved difficult, but not,rather pleasingly, impossible, to resist.

Things picked up immeasurably by dayfive, however. A nearly detoxified brainand bloodstream meant I awoke clear-headed and brimming with energy. Thecolonic now produced less than on previ-ous days, but it was darker in colour as thefast had broken away the older, more in-grained plaque. And hunger, believe it ornot, became refreshingly irrelevant, as mybody became used to receiving purely whatit needed to survive.

Further improvements, both mental and

physical, followed on the last couple of dayswhen I felt fresh as a proverbial daisy. Re-markably, without nibbling a single shredof solid food, the penultimate colonic stillwashed out an impressive amount of gunk.Better out than in, though, as they say.

By the end of the week, the fast was beingcredited by my fellow detoxers with impres-sive results. In addition to varying degreesof weight loss, it had, they claimed, got ridof allergies, eased sinus problems and, inone case, severe period pains. For my part,I’d shed almost 4kg, I had an indecentamount of energy and truly felt rejuvenat-ed, and more supple.

The first post-detox meal of papayamade my toes curl with pleasure, but, asGeorge Bernard Shaw sagely observed,“Any fool can fast, but it takes a wise man tobreak a fast properly”. While the tempta-tion was to make up for lost time (and calo-ries) and load up on green curries and PadThai – it was raw fruit and vegetables forthe next few days, before more substantialfoodstuffs could be introduced.

Crossing the finish line did indeed feelmarvellous. Bronzed from a steady streamof sunshine, toned from challenging yogaclasses, pampered by massages and treat-ments, the results were undeniably impres-

sive. By the end of the week I feltcompletely relaxed and thoroughlycleansed.

With 2013 just days away, many willhave New Year’s resolutions of activatinggym memberships, going on diets or sim-ply promising to take better care of them-selves. Mine? To return to Samui soonerrather than later for a second UltimateDetox.

ALL YOU NEED TO KNOWGetting there:KohSamuiisaone-hourflightfromBangkok.FlightsfromIreland

varydependingonthetimeofyear,butcostbetween¤800-¤1,200.Furtherdetailsat

skyscanner.iePrices:Aneight-nightstayatAbsolute

Sanctuaryincludingaseven-dayHolisticUltimateDetoxandairportcollectionand

drop-offcostsBt77,500(¤1,987)forsingleoccupancyandBt125,400(¤3,205)for

doubleoccupancy.Further details:AbsoluteSanctuary,

ChoengMonBeach,84320,KohSamui,Thailand.Seeabsolutesanctuary.com;

tel:0066-77-601190

THE IRISH TIMES Magazine | December 22, 2012 | 35