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Fathering among Afro-Caribbean families Marcos Rabello
Postmaster Cross-Cultural Family and Systemic Psychotherapy
7th of December 2017, Amsterdam
Collectief Transculturele Therapeuten (Cross-Cultural Therapists Collective)
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1. My personal story: the reason for this essay
According to the Central Agency for Statistics, known in Holland as Centraal Bureau voor
Statistiek (CBS, 2017), about 151 thousand Afro-Caribbean people from the Dutch Antilles live in
the Netherlands. Young men, especially black or dark-skinned boys, from this population is
portrayed in the Dutch media as irresponsible fathers, who come from broken homes, have
children with different women, are lazy, and become involved in criminal activities. This reminds
me a lot of how black boys are portrayed by the media in my region in Brazil. There, the role of
these boys as fathers has been pathologized and marginalized. I find this biased view of any one
cultural group profoundly disturbing. Being an Afro-Caribbean male from Brazil, I am quite
familiar with this dominant discourse of prejudice towards black males. The aim of this essay is to
investigate the alternative or less dominant discourses regarding Afro-Caribbean fathers, through a
Cross-Cultural Family and Systemic Psychotherapy perspective. I will do this by reviewing
relevant literature and through my own story and experience of being a black male living in a
dominant western culture in the Netherlands.
Helena, Americo, Nazilda, Manoel, Dora, Armando, Marcia, Valdomiro, Sonia, Ailton, Ricardo,
Elias, Edson, Jailton, and Janemeire. These are my siblings. I am ‘the Benjamin of the family’.
My mother Judite and my father Americo raised 16 children. Skin colour plays a role in our family
history. Judite, my mom, is a white Brazilian woman and my father, Americo, who has passed
away, a dark-skinned Brazilian man. This means that some of my brothers and sisters are white,
while some of them are darker, like me. My mom once told me that my father married her because
he wanted to have white kids or of a lighter skin tone than himself. With some of them he
succeeded, with some not, like me. I have dark skin, curly hair, a broad nose, and thick lips. I
inherited many features from my African ancestors. This contradicts what my father wanted. For
this reason, our father-child relationship was not good. My father would joke that I was not his
son, but the boy of a black man with whom my mom had sex. I grew up hearing this story; it did
not make much sense, since I am the only son who physically looks like my father. This was very
painful for him and for me as well. This pain I still carry with me. My poor relationship with my
father had a great impact on my life and therefore I am always interested in themes regarding male
afro-descendants. Let us continue the family story regarding afro-descendant males in my family.
Most of my brothers and sisters have children. Some of them are still married, some of them are
divorced, two of them have died, and two of my brothers, Valdomiro and Jailton, meet the
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stereotype of the afro-descendent male: They have fathered children with various wives. Being a
‘Benjamin’ of such a huge family, I often witnessed the children of my brothers Jailton and
Valdomiro being dropped off at my mother’s house. After a period of time, my brothers would go
away in search of a new adventure. From time to time, they would return to give a little hug to
their children and go away again. Although just a quick gesture, it was one that meant a lot to their
children, but for some of them it was not enough.
Isabel, one of the children who were dropped off at my mom’s (who is now an adult with children
of different fathers), missed more than just a quick hug. Isabel still finds it difficult to talk about
her relationship with her father, my brother, without bursting into tears. When I talk with Isabel
about this painful father-child relationship, I see a lot of anguish which comes from the feeling of
being rejected. Isabel received the warmth and attention of my mother, her grandmother, my
sisters, and myself. It seems that this was not enough for her. Something was missing in her. It
seems that she missed the bond with her father.
Having children with different wives is not a situation unique to my family. In Alagoinhas, a small
city in the county of Bahia, North-east of Brazil where I come from, this occurs quite often and is
culturally accepted. In addition to this, having children with different wives is part of your afro
male identity, especially when you are teenager: having sex with different girls and leaving them
behind when they get pregnant. In Alagoinhas you will find a lot of ‘Isabels’. These behavior
patterns are deeply rooted in our history as black males. In order to understand the behavior of the
afro-descendant boys from Bahia, we need to take a step back in history to consider the family
structures of the nineteenth century and the Dutch and Western European slave trade of Africans
to South America and the Caribbean islands.
2. A brief Dutch slave trade history
Due to the fact that Afro-Caribbean and Northern Brazilians share the same history of slavery and
common experiences of prejudice, discrimination, and marginalization, in this essay I chose to use
the general term ‘Afro-Caribbean males’ to describe the experiences of both these populations.
One cannot talk about slavery without referring to the history of The Netherlands and other
Western-European countries that were involved in slave trade. Whereas the era of the Dutch West
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India Company (known in The Netherlands as West-Indische Compagnie) is seen by many as a
golden age in Dutch history, I see it more as a dark time. The Netherlands and other Western
European countries, such as the United Kingdom, participated in slave trade in Brazil but also in
former Dutch colonies such as Suriname, a country in South America, and in the Netherlands
Antilles in the Caribbean. The latter, also known as the Dutch Caribbean, still partially belongs to
the Kingdom of the Netherlands. In her 2014 book ‘The absent father does not exist’ (‘Afwezige
vader bestaat niet’), the Dutch developmental sociologist Irene Zwaan makes a point that the
concept of fatherless families is deeply rooted in the history of slavery (Helberg, 2013).
3. Family structures in the era of slavery
Slavery had its greatest impact on the family life of the Africans brought to South America and the
Caribbean. In the beginning, most of the slaves were males. As a result, the frequency of sexual
relations between black slaves and white female servants was fairly high. Recent findings reveal
that at any point in slave history, family life varied as a function of gender composition, region,
mode of production, the nature of the planter’s business interest, the size and location of the
master’s properties, and the slave holder’s commitment to family stability (Berlin, 1998;
Schwartz, 2000; Stevenson, 1996). In general, a slave master’s business decision created a variety
of slave marital and familial relationships and structures. Although individual families may not
have remained together for long periods of time, the institution of the family was an important
asset in the perilous era of slavery. During slavery, families were broken up by the sale of one of
their members; there was no legal marriage for slaves; the children of a slave mother were
automatically slaves; and the statutes or law regarding slavery were such that the mobility was
permitted (Patterson, 1982).
Ruggles (1994) has argued that black people are far more likely than white people to become
single parents and to reside in extended families. Social theorists such as DuBois and Elkins (as
cited in Ruggles, 1994) pointed out that slavery resulted in fragmentation, disorganization, and
instability for black families. Africans were bought and sold according to the slave market’s value
and suitability for a particular region and/or task. Slaves were often separated from other family
members because each slave was considered chattel, to be sold to the highest bidder. Life
expectancies were low and mortality was high (Franklin & Moss, 2000; Hines & Boyd-Franklin,
1996), since slave masters were only required to provide slaves with the bare essentials for their
5
survival. Additional practices were put in place in an effort to destroy the traditional concepts of
family. Slaves could not marry legally – tribal ceremonies were not allowed which meant that no
child to a slave could be legally recognized as a family member. Mothers, fathers, and children
could be sold away from each other, disrupting any semblance of family security or stability
(Boyd-Franklin, 2003).
4. Fathering within an Afro-Caribbean context
According to Roopnarine (2015), fathering is itself a major life change for Caribbean men,
requiring them to look beyond themselves and to reconcile the conflicting demands of “being
masculine” and “being responsible”. Among African-Caribbean males, fathering is not a smooth
developmental process, one in which boys are prepared to assume domestic nurturing roles, in the
way that their sisters are. Fatherhood is often early and unplanned, frequently occurring outside
co-residential unions, and generating economic demands that cannot be easily met. Because the
procreative need is quite distinct from the cultural mandate that men demonstrate virility and
dominance, and because fatherhood itself opens a door to a new conception of self, men may
easily find themselves struggling to balance their images of the person they are supposed to be.
The virtual absence of social support for young fathers helps shift the balance away from making a
successful transition to the father role.
Fathering can be seen as a lifecycle transition phase for any father. Becoming a father within an
Afro-Caribbean context might be even more complex. In Family and Systemic psychotherapies, a
transition is seen as a period of changes which have an impact on a person’s environment and the
system as a whole. In 2005, Carter and McGoldrick pointed out that to understand how individuals
evolve, we must examine their lives within the context of both their family and their larger cultural
contexts with their past and present properties, which change over time. Each system (individual,
family, and cultural) can be represented schematically (see Figure 1 below) along two time
dimensions: one which brings past and present issues to bear reciprocally on all other levels (the
‘intergenerational’ or ‘vertical axis’), and one which is developmental and unfolding from the
‘here and now’, the present moment (the ‘horizontal axis’). For the individuals, as for the family,
the vertical axis includes biological heritage and the intricate programming of behaviors with one's
given temperament, possible congenital disabilities and genetic makeup, but also patterns from
previous generations within the family. The horizontal axis relates to individuals’ and larger
systems’ emotional, cognitive, interpersonal, and physical development over the life span within a
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specific historical context. As mentioned above, Afro-Caribbean males are mostly young fathers
(Roopnarine, 2015). They are still exploring their identity in adolescence, which is a profoundly
difficult transition in their life. At the same time, they additionally need to cement their role as
fathers. On a vertical level, these Afro-Caribbean fathers encounter specific stressors such as
racism, poverty, and possibly domestic violence (Carter & McGoldrick, 2005).
Figure 1.
In the case of Afro-Caribbean males, the vertical axis conceived by Carter and McGoldrick could
include ‘prejudice’/ ‘racism’ as a stressor. Specifically, racism has its historical roots in the era of
slavery, and its effects (including internalized racism) are passed down from generation to
generation. In the Dutch media, Afro-Caribbean men are portrayed as males from a macho culture,
who abandon women with whom they have fathered children (Ten Hooven, 2001). As a ‘here and
now’ stressor, ‘prejudice’ is thus also a factor that can be located in the horizontal axis.
In 2016, Elsje Jorritsma wrote an article in the NRC Handelsblad, a right-wing Dutch newspaper
for the white Dutch upper class, portraying Afro-Caribbean males as thieves and criminals; the
author explained this as a result of the population group’s cultural background and claimed that
these males come from families with absent father figures. In 2014, the same paper claimed that
Afro-Caribbean males receive three times more financial support from the government than Dutch
7
‘Europeans’, but are four times more likely not to finish high school and five times more likely to
have a criminal record (Kas, 2014). This portrayal of Afro-Caribbean males in the Dutch media
(i.e., not finishing high school, which could lead to unemployment) can be seen, according to
Carter and McGoldrick’s lifecycle, as a stress factor in the ‘here and now’, the present moment
(horizontal axis).
Carter and McGoldrick (2005) explain that when ‘vertical line’ factors (e.g., historical prejudice
against Afro-Caribbean males, history of slavery) are combined with ‘horizontal line’ factors (in
this case, high unemployment rates due to the dominant discourse regarding laziness or criminal
involvement), this could magnify the effects of stress on an individual’s life. The double transition
of adolescence and fatherhood may therefore lead to a lot of pressure on Afro-Caribbean males. A
third stress factor, according to Carter and McGoldrick, is migration.
5. Impact of migration on fathering
Most of the Afro-Caribbean males in Holland have migrated from the Dutch Caribbean, either
alone or with their families. This means that they experience the direct or indirect stressors of
being a migrant or of being raised in a family system which has a history of migration. They come
from a former Dutch colony; from a Narrative Systemic Therapy perspective, their experience of
living in the dominant culture, where the prevailing narrative or discourse (such as the one
detailed above regarding criminality) is reiterated and strengthened while less dominant narratives
are oppressed, is bound to have a significant effect on their behavior (White & Epston, 1989). This
behavior can be analyzed in different stages of the migrant’s life.
The Dutch cultural anthropologist Van Bekkum (1996) compared migration to a ‘rite of passage’,
viewing it first and foremost as another lifecycle transition in the migrant’s life. Van Bekkum’s
conceptualization of migration as a rite of passage originates from the writings of the Dutch-
French anthropologist Van Gennep. According to Van Gennep (1960, p.40), a ‘rite de passage’ is a
symbolic transition which consists of three stages: separation, liminality, and incorporation (as
shown in Figure 2 below).
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Figure 2.
As mentioned above, most of the Afro-Caribbean males living in the Netherlands have either a
second-generation migration background or a personal migration history to Holland in search of a
better life. As also previously mentioned, Afro-Caribbean males often have children in
adolescence, a profoundly difficult stage in their life, with fatherhood being another important
transition in and of itself. On top of this, they experience the pressures of migration. According to
Van Bekkum, Van den Ende, Heeze, and Van den Bergh (1996), one could suggest that these males
are positioned in the liminality stage, which means they are ‘betwixt and between’ their own
culture and the Dutch values and standards. Moreover, Afro-Caribbean males find themselves in
two stages: from being single to becoming a father, from adolescence to adulthood, from being
autochthonous to being a foreigner. Taking all this into account, one could carefully conclude that
these males experience a complex triple transition.
Carter and McGoldrick (2005) argue that migration can have an impact on one’s lifecycle. We
could suggest that Afro-Caribbean males fluctuate between their original culture and the dominant
western European culture. This fluctuation can be stressful and might impact the shaping of their
role as a father. If Afro-Caribbean fathers are second-generation migrants, they carry additional
stress factors. In Family and Systemic psychotherapy, these have been termed ‘transgenerational’
or ‘intergenerational’ issues (Boszormenyi-Nagy & Spark, 1973).
Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy is a Hungarian psychiatrist who immigrated to the United States in 1948
and became the founder of Contextual Therapy. He developed the term ‘invisible loyalty’ to
describe the behavior of children who unconsciously take on the responsibility to aid their parents,
often to their own detriment (e.g., they become a failure in order to confirm their parents’ negative
expectations) (Goldenberg & Goldenberg, 2008). The Dutch-Surinamese Cross-Cultural Family
9
and Systemic therapist Tjin A Djie points out in her book that second generation migrants are
loyal to their family and do not want to disappoint them, so they carry within themselves pain and
sadness (e.g., the pain of a migrant who is the target of prejudice), which in turn, according to
Boszormenyi-Nagy, is passed on from generation to generation. When working with such a client
base, Tjin A Djie advocates embedding them in their family systems and cultural background, in
order to fortify their coping capacities. Tjin A Djie believes that this helps create protective factors
for migrants (‘beschermjassen’, ‘protective wraps’). Furthermore, another transition which Afro-
Caribbean fathers face concerns the forming of their identity as males (i.e., their transition from
boy to man).
6. Transition from boy to man within an Afro-Caribbean context
From early on in their childhood, Caribbean boys are taught the definitions of masculinity, and
they quickly absorb this training. Focus groups conducted in the Caribbean with different age
groups of children, structured to represent different social classes and community contexts, found
that between ages 8–9 and 10–11, boys quickly moved from a fairly egalitarian approach to
gender definitions and relations toward a more restricted male gender ideology, with an emphasis
on antagonism and competition in interpersonal relationships (Bailey, Branche, McGarrity, &
Stuart, 1998). It was observed that by age 10, boys had begun to realize that toughness, physical
strength, and sexual dominance were expected of them, and by age 14, youngsters were socialized
into an ideology in which boys and girls were expected to be treated differently, with men and
women performing different roles. The role of the man as economic provider was clearly
articulated, and even in a girlfriend–boyfriend relationship this expectation was encountered. The
authors noted that one of the greatest areas of bitterness expressed by children toward fathers
revolved around the non-performance of this economic role: “My father never try him best. My
mother play mother and father role” (Bailey et al., 1998, p. 43).
As boys became older, the sexual relationship became “adversarial, aggressive and predatory”; it
was observed that the entire socialization process conveyed a message to boys that “as they come
to manhood, sexual proactivity is a part of their fundamental identity” (Bailey et al. 1998, p. 57).
These attitudes, expressed by young persons, are congruent with the general body of research on
sexual attitudes and gender relations among Afro-Caribbean men, in which the definitions of
masculinity center heavily on dominance and virility and their contribution to men’s status
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(Chevannes, 1993; Whitehead, 1992; Wilson, 1973). That Caribbean men do feel strongly about
procreation was one of the major findings from a 1993 study of fathering initiated by the
Caribbean child development center at the University of West Indies, which sought to obtain a
deeper understanding of men’s roles in Afro-Caribbean families. This study will be discussed in
more detail below.
7. Fathering among Afro-Caribbean families: a multi-layered problem
As explained above, becoming a father in an Afro-Caribbean family is a complex and multilayered transition process. The process of becoming a man coincides with the transition of becoming a father; and migration, in itself a major stress factor, is added to these. The pressures that minorities are subjected to within a dominant culture are mixed with the often contradictory demands of becoming a man and a father. An increased risk of poverty and discrimination can add another layer of complexity to the experience of Afro-Caribbean males. Though not a father myself, I share most of the issues that Afro-Caribbean men deal with, and I know from experience how perplexing and stressful these multi-faceted problems can be. The pain is not superficial but unfolds in increasingly complex layers, making it difficult to identify which aspects of the problem need to be tackled first. I therefore feel that Systemic and Family Psychotherapists should cautiously explore the clinical presentation of Afro-Caribbean fathers more in depth, so as to help them unearth existing issues and understand how the various layers of their difficulties are interconnected.
8. Fathering among Afro-Caribbean families: A Cross-Cultural Systemic approach
One cannot write about fathering among Afro-Caribbean families without describing how families
are structured and organized across cultures.
Historically, there have been various (mostly western-oriented) approaches or waves of Family
and Systemic Psychotherapy. In order to gain a better understand of how Afro-Caribbean families
are organized, I will first briefly introduce the western systemic approaches. Subsequently, cross-
cultural approaches will be explained.
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7.1 The Social Constructionist approach
The social constructionist approach is based on the awareness that the reality the therapist
observes is invented, with perceptions being shaped by the therapist’s own culture and his/her
implicit assumptions and beliefs. If the narratives in which clients story their experience – or have
their experience storied by psychiatrists – do not fit these experiences, then significant aspects of
their lived experience will contradict the dominant narrative and be experienced as problematic
(White & Epston, 1989).
7.2 Narrative Therapies
Systemic narrative therapists attempt to help families generate and evolve new stories and ways of
interpreting events to make sense of their experiences. Family and therapist together co-evolve or
co-construct new ways of describing the individual and related family issues, so that they no
longer need to be viewed or experienced as problematic.
7.3 Cross-Cultural Systemic therapy
Cross-Cultural Systemic therapy is a wide term or concept. For this essay, I will be focusing more
on issues that Afro-Caribbean fathers will come across in their life. Some of these issues have
been already touched upon throughout this essay. In Cross-Cultural Systemic approaches, these
themes come together.
According to James and Hasting (1993), Cross-Cultural Systemic approaches devote themselves
to understanding the meaning of cultural diversity and advocating its usefulness when working
with individuals of distinct cultural, multicultural, racial-ethnic, and/or socio-economic
background. Moreover, the authors explain that (dominant) cultural forces can have an impact on
an individual’s life (in this example, Afro-Caribbean men might experience the forces of the
dominant discourse as a stressor while their fathering is being shaped). Taking into account the
above, the Cross-Cultural Systemic approach may be useful when working with Afro-Caribbean
men, as it transcends the dominant European theories and practices. The Cross-Cultural Systemic
viewpoint focuses on the power of individual cultural background and seeks to embed the
individual in his/her cultural wealth.
The French philosopher Michel Foucault has contributed immensely to Cross-Cultural Systemic
thinking as concerns power relations. From a Narrative Therapy perspective, Afro-Caribbean
12
fathers living in Holland are exposed to a dominant culture which has the power to construct
narratives about them (e.g., to paint them as irresponsible and uninvolved fathers), thus potentially
impacting their fathering. Applying Foucault’s ideas (Foucault, 1983), one could also say that a
particular dominant discourse about these fathers, perpetuated as an objective ‘truth’ by the
dominant culture, helps maintain a society’s power structure and eliminates alternate accounts of
the same events (e.g., alternative ‘stories’ regarding fatherhood in Afro-Caribbean families).
Cross-Cultural Family and Systemic psychotherapists advocate helping people to resist culture’s
dominant discourse (White & Epston, 1989).
9. Cross-Cultural Systemic techniques for Afro-Caribbean fathers
The Dutch-Surinamese Cross-Cultural Systemic psychotherapist Urmy Macnack (2015) suggests
that when children of Afro-Caribbean families present with (behavior) problems, these have
mostly to do with the (absent) father. Therefore, therapists have to endeavor to involve these
fathers in systemic therapy. The Dutch developmental sociologist Irene Zwaan pointed out in her
2014 book ‘The absent father does not exist’ (‘Afwezige vader bestaat niet’) that systemic
therapists need to be aware of societal problems (i.e., the marginalization and discrimination that
Afro-Caribbean fathers are often subjected to) which play a role in shaping fatherhood. Therefore,
therapists ought to work from a cross-cultural viewpoint instead of a western family therapy
perspective. Moreover, Zwaan advocates that, in order to promote change in fatherless families
through therapy, one needs to pay more attention to and have a deeper understanding of the power
that dominant and devaluing narratives have over these fathers.
How might a psychotherapist help Afro-Caribbean males from a Cross-Cultural Systemic
perspective? This could be done in various ways. In this part of the essay, I will focus mostly on
the power of dominant cultural forces and on how this power might impact or shape fathering.
In this case, Cross-Cultural Systemic approaches may help Afro-Caribbean males become aware
of how dominant narratives can affect their behavior, thinking, and feelings, and of how these, in
turn, can impact their relationship with their children. Subsequently, Cross-Cultural Systemic
therapy can strengthen the target population and help them become more positively involved in
their children’s care. According to the Fatherhood Institute (2013) in London, positively involved
fathers can be a hugely important resource for their children as well as for the mothers of their
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children. Furthermore, the cross-cultural viewpoint could help co-create with Afro-Caribbean
males the less dominant stories regarding fathering within their community (e.g., Afro-Caribbean
fathers seem to be warm, have a great sense of humor, are loving, and appear to be less detached
than western fathers). The chapter below presents studies which focus on the positive stories
regarding the father-child relationship within an Afro-Caribbean context, silent stories about Afro-
Caribbean fathers which need to be told. Furthermore, the results of these studies may be generally
useful for Cross-Cultural Systemic Therapy.
10. Previous studies on the benefits of father-child relations
In 2012, Roopnarine researched Afro-Caribbean fathers’ involvement with their children.
According to the author, fatherhood occurs in diverse mating unions and Afro-Caribbean fathers
hold traditional beliefs about men’s roles that are steeped in hegemonic models of manhood.
Furthermore, family process variables (such as stable living arrangements, cohesion, warmth and
affection, and adaptability) appear more influential in determining developmental outcomes than
family structure.
Anderson and Daley (2015) conducted a study about fathering amongst Afro-Caribbeans. The
authors concluded that levels of paternal involvement in African Caribbean men range from being
helpers to being highly engaged fathers. In another study, Roopnarine, Wang, Krishnakumar, and
Davidson (2013) investigated the differences in levels of warmth expressed between mothers and
fathers. The authors concluded that, in most cases, mothers and fathers adopted the same parenting
style. In Leo-Rhynie and Brown’s 2013 study, Afro-Caribbean fathers used a combination of
warmth and control in guiding children’s behavior. Furthermore, they employed a good deal of
punitive control in child rearing.
Khaleque and Rohner (2012) maintain that in order to engage Afro-Caribbean males as fathers,
one must endeavor to tap onto what fathering means to them, a stance quite removed from
dominant perspectives. The authors explain that an examination of the cultural scripts of these
men is important. Moreover, internal working models about manhood and fatherhood and how
Afro-Caribbean boys were fathered may help to deconstruct traditional views of masculinity and
what men do in families. Khaleque and Rohner claim that Cross-Cultural Systemic therapists, for
example, could assist Afro-Caribbean men to move away from conceiving their primary role in
families as ‘breadwinners’, towards developing co-parenting models and embracing morally
14
intelligible fathering. Finally, (Cross-Cultural) systemic therapists could use approaches in which
paternal sensitivity is emphasized (e.g., warmth and affection, holding, mutual engagement, verbal
stimulation, and child-centeredness) (Khaleque & Rohner, 2012).
11. Conclusion From a Cross-Cultural Family and Systemic Psychotherapy perspective, one could conclude that
the dominant discourse can have a profound impact on the shaping of fatherhood for Afro-
Caribbean males. As has been discussed throughout this essay, fatherhood for Afro-Caribbean men
is a multi-layered transition with complex influences, such as intergenerational and societal
stressors, the pressures of the transition from boy to man, migration, poverty, unemployment, and
the influence of dominant narratives about black males in western countries such as the
Netherlands. Therefore, alternative or less dominant stories about being a father within an Afro-
Caribbean context need to be created and consolidated. In the literature review one can find some
of these stories depicting Afro-Caribbean males as warm, funny, sociable, and loving fathers (even
when they do not live with their children), very similar to the story of my brother, Jailton. He was
always away, but when he came to visit his son I could see the joy and mutual love between them.
Though dominant discourse devalues his fatherhood and could have borne an impact on it, it
seems like he had such an ‘innate’ warmth and love, that these feelings and behaviors were still
activated in his relationship with his son. Between these two, there was apparently no space for a
devaluating dominant discourse to seep in.
Cross-Cultural Systemic therapists are trained to look beyond the dominant discourse, to
deconstruct dominant narratives, and to embed and ‘wrap’ an individual in his/her larger system
and his/her cultural wealth. Therefore, their assistance in shaping a more positive sense of
fatherhood for Afro-Caribbean males could be instrumental. Cross-Cultural Systemic therapists
could also help Afro-Caribbean men envisage their parental role differently than what the
‘traditional’ view of masculinity dictates, extending it to practices such as co-parenting, and
developing a wider skillset of paternal sensitivity. In short, Cross-Cultural Systemic therapists can
contribute to the de-marginalization and de-pathologization of fathering among Afro-Caribbean
families.
15
Back to my own relationship with my father: we were finally able to develop a normal father-son
relationship as I grew older, and particularly when I became a teenager. He gave me warmth and
love. He valued me as human being and recognized me as his son. This gesture was very
important to me during a difficult transition, adolescence. From him I learned some (cognitive)
skills which I later realized were important for me in becoming a man and eventually a father.
Because of him, I learned to be responsible, to have discipline, and the importance of finishing my
studies in order to climb higher up the social ladder. Indirectly, he was able to show me that love
and warmth which is so important in a partner relationship. It seems like my father unconsciously
wanted me to break some of the patterns he carried from previous generations and he succeeded in
this.
Since starting my Cross-Cultural Family and Systemic Therapy training, I have become even more
curious about my father’s life history and experience. When I interviewed my mother for a
genogram, she told me that my father lost his parents early on in his life. He could not cope with
such stress, so he started drinking a lot. I cannot further explore what he went through in his life,
since he has now passed away, but I think that being an orphan in the Brazilian countryside may
have been very difficult for him. Like any other Afro male, my father might have been
marginalized, and he may have been bullied because of his skin colour or social class.
My way of thinking about my father has changed. When I look back at my fathers’ life history, I
have more positive feelings toward him. I am also aware of how social class, racism, prejudice,
and dominant discourses may have affected how fatherhood was shaped for him. For me, writing
this essay did not only involve the review of literature, but also the review of deep, unresolved, or
even ‘oppressed’ feelings that I have about my relationship with my father. Therefore, I dedicate
this essay to other fathers like him. I wish them strength and wisdom.
16
REFERENCES
Anderson, P., & Daley, C. (2015). African-Caribbean fathers: The conflict between masculinity
and fathering. In J. L. Roopnarine (Ed.), Fathers across cultures: The importance, roles, and
diverse practices of dads (pp. 13-38). New York, NY: Praeger.
Bailey, W., Branche, C., McGarrity, G., & Stuart, S. (1998). Family and the quality of gender
relations in the Caribbean. Kingston, Jamaica: Institute of Social and Economic Research.
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