1

Explain how to manage disagreements with children,

young people and adults

Disagreements are always a challenge, no matter what environment hosts them, and

they are no different at school. They can often be because information has not been

adequately communicated, but sometimes even though we have been as clear as we

possibly could, that information may still be misread, or perceived differently from what

was intended.

It is quite important to avoid apportioning blame for misunderstandings, and once it is

understood that there has been a miscommunication of some sort, to put it right

without suggesting that it is the other person's fault. The experiences and cultures that

shape our lives often mean that we have very individual ways of understanding

information, and sometimes interpreted through the kaleidoscope of a different culture

or a different social set-up, that information may not have been as clear as the person

delivering it thought it was.

Blame is simply not a productive way of dealing with a problem; the only way is to

ensure clarity and understanding wherever possible.

Conflict with other adults, including teachers, parents, other support staff and external

professionals must always be approached with sensitivity, and with the intention of

resolving the situation. The best time to start such a resolution really is as soon as

possible, because the longer miscommunication persists, the more bad feeling can

permeate the relationship, and this can make it harder to resolve it in the long term.

It is best not to be drawn into a disagreement with a pupil, and if this does happen –

and it certainly can, maybe more often in secondary school as the mix of adolescent

hormones and the melting pot of personalities that can be found at school may

present some very interesting challenges – the situation should be managed

appropriately, and advice taken from a senior colleague if necessary.

2

Dealing with miscommunication.

3

Dealing with disagreements

Poor or ineffective communication

Sometimes communication does not do its job properly, i.e. it has been ineffective,

and this can cause challenges. For example, a note may not have been passed on

between parents and children, there may not have been enough time for the

information to get to its intended recipient, or the information itself may have been

misread or misunderstood.

The best way to approach this difficulty is to establish where the problem happened;

the cause of the misunderstanding or the cause of the information not getting to its

intended target. Having found where the weak link in the chain is, or that the problem

lay in the way in which the information was written or otherwise delivered, it will then

become clear as to how to proceed.

Opposing or differing expectations

You should always ensure that everyone involved understands the aims of an activity

or a meeting, because there can sometimes be a risk that a parent or even a

professional may arrive at a meeting thinking that they are there for an entirely

different reason from the real one. Embarrassment or just plain misunderstanding can

then lead to a challenging situation that could really have been avoided with a little

thought-out clarity.

Cultural, social, and individual values

Again, because everyone is an individual, sometimes their ideas and values may not

be in keeping with the aims of the school or of its activities. For example, school may

request that children do their homework for half an hour every evening between 6 and

6:30pm, but some parents may not see the regularity and discipline as being important

compared to their children getting time to play outside while it is still light. Where

cultural values, or otherwise individual ways of living, create an opposition situation

like this, it may be necessary to seek advice or support from others who work in the

school in order to manage the situation in the best way possible, or to ensure clarity

about why the school operates the way it does.

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External and personal factors

Communication can be affected very easily by pressures from outside school. These

can include events happening at home, personality clashes, parental work pressures

or relationship problems and so on. Even professionals (both internal at the school,

and external) may have either personal or professional pressures, including time

constraints, of which you are not aware.

The best way to deal with these types of factor is really to get to know the people

involved, right from the start. If you know someone on a good day, it is easier to identify

when they are having a bad day, rather than looking at their behaviour, which may be

uncharacteristic of them, in an isolated bubble. It can be more supportive to ask

someone what you can do to help the situation than to tell them that their behaviour is

unacceptable.

Confidence

Adults who are outside their own comfort-zone may behave in a challenging way.

Sometimes if they feel as if everyone else is cleverer or better educated than them,

they may appear to be quite aggressive, or obstructive, or they might make 'smart

remarks' throughout a discussion. Although this type of behaviour can seem quite

personal, as if it is only you they are doing it with, it generally has more to do with

their own self-esteem and self-worth, and the way in which those things lead to

confidence (or lack of it).

The best way to support adults who are less confident in a school situation is to be

as sensitive as possible to their needs, offer support and encouragement in a non-

patronising way, and ensure that you are as clear as possible at all times so that

misunderstandings do not arise.