Etiquette and Protocol Outline

7/28/2019 Etiquette and Protocol Outline

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Etiquette and Protocolby Leonis

Protocol is the highest form of service there is

-Lady Markette

What are differences between Etiquette and Protocol? How do they relate to each other

and How do they work together as One?


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What Do they Meanthis Etiquette and Protocol?

Oxford English Dictionary:

Etiquette The customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular

profession or group. Origin: Mid 18th century: from French tiquette 'list of ceremonial observances of a

court.'

Protocol The official procedure or system of rules governing affairs of state or diplomatic

occasions:protocol forbids the prince from making any public statement in his defense. the accepted or established code of procedure or behavior in any group, organization, or

situation: What is the protocol at a conference if one's neighbor dozes off during the

speeches?

Definitions and DifferencesEtiquette:

The cultural norms of manners that are practiced within an accepted place orsituation.

Protocol: The ritualistic actions or behaviors that are standardized within dictated

parameters.

Differences

A violation of etiquette is something you witness at a dinner in a restaurantor other social interactions. When you see it, most people dont ever say

anything.

For example A Violation in Protocol can and may incur a correction or punishment. For example

Is it Etiquette or Is it Protocol?

1. A man walks up to a door and opens it for an elderly person.2. When you sign a cover letter in an attempt to acquire a job you sign: Sincerely, John

Smith.

3. The judge enters the courtroom, everyone stands.4. At a formal BDSM event, the Matriarch of the House enters the room and all the men

stand.5. At dinner, a lady approaches the table a man pulls out the chair for her.


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As these examples show, there is a difference, sometimes subtle, between what isetiquette and what is protocol

Now we need to understand how to incorporate and how we use these in the BDSMlifestyle.

A Brief History of Etiquette and Protocol in the BDSM

Lifestyle

History is inherently subjective, whether you are attempting to understand the the Battleof Hastings in 1066 or understanding the relatively short history of what may be calledmodern BDSM.

Though the history of BDSM goes back to the Classical era, if not beyond, as well as theliterature of the late 18

thcentury and early 19

thcentury of theMarquis de Sade. We,

however, will deal with the more recent history in the 20th century in which the Leathercommunity fathered the modern BDSM version of etiquette and protocol.

Most if not all styles of protocol are rooted in what is called the Old Guard. Old Guard is a term referring to a much more strict and formalized code of behavior

within the BDSM lifestyle. The Old Guardwas established by gay men returning from

World War II. These men established motorcycle clubs and practiced BDSM lifestyle. They created many of the protocols we use every day in the BDSM community,

including the use of: Sir, which evolved in our own use of title from Master, Mistress,

Ms., Maam and others. Later, these BDSM communities evolved to include various sub-

cultures from fetish communities, military, Victorian, Gorean and many others.

A Few Stylesof Protocol , but just a few

The Victorianmanner of protocol deals with, but is not limited to, the domestic servitudeaspect of the lifestyle. Many of the skills and protocols of the butler, maid, chef,chauffeur and other service oriented duties evolved into the lifestyle of many households.

Many Victorian protocols became part of many D/s relationships, and households. This

style focuses on elegance and refinement of the dominant, while still maintaining strict

behavioral standards. The M ilitarymanner of protocol, as you might guess is born out of a military and leather

community, which is laden with the military style of protocol. It focuses on strict

regimental behavior and the standards of the military. The Goreanmanner of protocol, which grew out of the Gorean novels by John Normans.

The Gorean lifestyle emphasizes bringing strength and honor to the Master or Mistress.

In the Gor novels, men are the dominants, but the code of Gor can and is used with

Mistress as well. There are Goreans who refute this, but as someone said: To disallow this truth is to deny dominance itself. - Master B lackWulf


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It all begins with Manners? But what do Manners have to do

with Etiquette and Protocol?

Before we can discuss Etiquette and Protocol, we MUST discuss the use, or lack thereof,ofManners.

Without basic and proper manners, one can NEVER delve into the world of Etiquette andProtocol, and that is why the use of manners is paramount in the lifestyle, whether you

are into protocol or not.

With every skill or discipline you must always learn the basics and the basics or the rootof etiquette and protocol is manners.

The manners practiced at a high protocol dinnercan go far beyond basic manners, ergolearning manners IS the first step to etiquette and protocol and will allow you toparticipate and enjoy a rewarding experience in the BDSM lifestyle.

Emily Post Where it all Begins

Emily Post is arguably the standard when it comes to Manners andEtiquette.


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The use of Proper Manners accomplishes a few things:

As a submissive, your actions reflect upon your Master/Mistress; if you dont use propermanners, it will reflect badly upon you and more importantly upon your Dominant.

No one is perfect and no one employs perfect manners, but in a society where theres anapathy towards manners and few even regard manners as important, the use of proper

manners stands out among the rest. Using proper manners not only reflects upon ones reputation, but upon us, as a

community.

Manners to Protocol

BUT Be not quick to judge!! Though you may know what proper manners are many people employ bad manners,

not because they are being blatantly or intentionally rude, but because they are ignorantof what they are doing, and dont know any better.

Manners used to be taught on a regular basis But those days are gone We as individuals must learn for ourselves proper and basic manners, for ourselves and

for the ones around us, our family and friends.


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Whats wrong with these Pictures?

Examples of Bad Manners we see Every day

Manners and Etiquette in and out of the lifestyle

Cell phone etiquette yes it does exist, Just ask Emily Post When using your cell phone, speak softly and be considerate of others around

you. (They can hear what you are saying) NEVER text or make a phone call from the dinner table or at a restaurant. If you

must take a call, excuse yourself and make the call as brief as possible.

When you are out with your dominant or submissive , with a friend or just on a date at arestaurant, how important is it that they use proper manners? How will it affect youropinion about them if they

If you are submissive and are writing to Goddess Diana and write: Hey Girl hows itgoing? What are the chances that she will respond?

We have specific protocols with reference to the American flag: raising it, half staff,never letting it touch the ground, etc


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What if you write in a cover letter: I aint got no BA in business but I have 3 yearsexperience in management. Whats the likelihood that they will grant you an interview?

You are at a BDSM event and you, as a submissive, walk up to a Master and say: Heydude! Hows it going?

When should proper Etiquette be used?

Always! However, the degree of manners depends on the situation. The trap that can be laid when you allow your manners to be too relaxed is, if you are

accustomed to using very relaxed manners, they become second nature and when you are

in a situation where proper etiquette ought to be observed. You either forget or neglect

them and that may be at the very least embarrassing. Etiquette can go from the basic to high formal, but etiquette is more than how to eat,

which fork to use or how to sit.

In all occasions the use of proper etiquette is illustrated by the behavior of demeanor ofthe person

Graciousness, allowing everyone to always feel at ease and above all Welcome. Poise, carrying yourself with respect and dignity, no matter position you carry, Dom, sub,

slave etc Affability, a friendly and good natured demeanor.

OK, what does all this have to do with The BDSM

Lifestyle??

Answers??? Would a Master/Mistress want to have a submissive who was rude, impolite, or showedlack of courtesy towards them or anyone else?

Would a submissive want to be in service to a person who demonstrated a lack ofmanners and courtesy?

When etiquette is illustrated in a protocol setting or out of a protocol setting, it heightensthe significance and the importance of manners and etiquette that exist in protocol, no

matter what level is being practiced.

Do the standards of etiquette transfer into BDSM situations,

or are they different?

The same standards of manners and etiquette apply in the BDSM lifestyle as they do inthe vanilla world.

If a submissive girl walks into a BDSM event in three inch heels carrying two toy bagsand then her Master walks in with nothing, is this proper etiquette, is this proper

manners?


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For the men who are in the BDSM lifestyle, you are agentleman first, you are aMaster/Dom second. Just because you have a girl/submissive/slave doesnt allow you the

latitude to ignore a code of conduct in which you treat your girl as a lady. The fact that a Master treats his girl with respect and courtesy elevates your reputation

and gains you a great deal of respect in the community.

Etiquette in the BDSM community is about courtesy above all things. Etiquette, additionally, possesses a symbiotic relationship with protocol and depending

on the level that is practiced can be the epitome of elegance and grace.

Protocol and BDSM

As discussed Protocols exist on many levels in the vanilla world and in the BDSMlifestyle.

Protocols in the lifestyle, however, are quite different in that there are several levels inwhich protocols are observed.

Protocols can be something that is observed at an event, such as a high protocol dinner orsomething that is set by the Master/Mistress at a vanilla event or at a BDSM event where

there is no level of protocol being observed. That is why Protocol can be a very fluid entity. To get a better understanding let us break down and define the levels of protocol that

exist.

Levels of Protocol

Low Protocol

Low protocol is the base set of protocols from which each layer of protocol is developed.Low protocol allows more casual behaviors, yet with specific boundaries. Low protocolcontains elements of service and responsibilities that will always be appropriate and may

even be practiced in a vanilla environment with little risk of discovery or observance.

This level demands recognition of station as well as orders, demands, and requests in an

invisible and unobtrusive fashion. It challenges the submissive to exhibit a behaviorwhich reflects the Dominant's intentions and desired interaction on both a personal and

professional level. Even with the casual behavior and sense of independence of this

lowest level of protocol, there is always accountability for the behavior of the submissive.

Low protocol is often the most difficult for the submissive to perfect because it offersmany of the illusions, comforts and distractions of freedom,

yet accountability and responsibility continue unabated. It has the least moment tomoment guidance and often the greatest margin for error. Service, authority and

accountability do not diminish when a submissive is allowed to act in low protocol. Only

the expression of it is relaxed as there is no Off Time!


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Mid Protocol

Mid Protocol is the behavioral "set" most often encountered in public scene clubs andplay situations. Perhaps the most classic of protocols; it is the one most easily identified

and seen as a part of "BDSM." Considered a "performance" protocol, this level requires

the submissive to adhere to the first level of decidedly Dominant-imposed and regulated(as opposed to societal imposed and regulated) behavior and performance rules. Most

BDSM activities are executed in this level. Mid-Protocol requires the submissive to focus on BDSM priorities, especially with regard

to the D/s or M/s aspects, no matter how long or strenuous the time spent in thisprotocol.

Focus becomes a priority. Mid-Protocol requires a continuous awareness andanticipation of the Dominant's needs, desires and expectations as well as those of othersin the Dominant's company. This level presumes consistent ground rules of action andresponsibility.

This includes responding to the Dominant in a more formal manner, but with a level ofself direction. While complete deference to the Master is required, it provides for a levelof autonomy (while maintaining full adherence to specific guidelines) in dealing with

others. Despite such autonomy it is not the time and place for casual behavior.

Full titles may be relaxed ("Sir" rather than "Master"), the submissive may initiateconversation with the Dominant and may refer to them self directly and furniture may

well be permitted at this level, but otherwise directed, the submissive will always be

expected to assume a specifically detailed position (such as walking slightly behind theDominant if they are walking, or taking a seat to their left). These are at the discretion of

the Dominant. Mid Protocol provides for a workable but still distinctly BDSM environment. There is

still formality in both etiquette and speech, but also sufficient flexibility to allow thesubmissive to display their personality. A submissive may still be a companion in this

mode. Generally, Mid protocol would be a good protocol level to apply when the

submissive is taken out for a special occasion or "night on the town."

High Protocol

High Protocol is the most exacting of requirements with the highest expectations. Thebar is continuously at it's upper reaches when the submissive is brought to HighProtocol. Nothing less is required than complete attention and focus, regardless of

distractions. The Dominant's every directive, every nuance, requires absolute and

instantaneous obedient response, without delay, hesitation or question. The submissive is


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relieved of any and all decision making and prioritizing outside of strict attentive service

to the Dominant. All such power and responsibility is shifted to the Dominant. The highest degree of concentration is demanded as the submissive must maintain an

awareness that every act, behavior, move, response, expression is being carefully

scrutinized and judged. Think Japanese Tea Ceremony, but with the Dominant's desires

(both expressed and as observed and acted upon by the submissive) being utterlyparamount High Protocol conforms most closely to the 'ideal' of service commonly encountered in

BDSM erotic literature. Full titles are used when referring to a Dominant, conventional

use of furniture by the submissive is at the Dominants discretion, directly addressing theDominant is formally structured (i.e., the submissive must usually request permission

even to address their Dominant and may possibly not even be permitted to initiate contact

with another Dominant and the submissive may be required to take and hold specific

positions when not having been directly tasked. It is the most structured and formal environment The idea is an environment of service,

obedience and decorum in a manner that is efficient and palatable for each Dominant and

submissive couple or family. Often, the submissive in a high protocol environment willbecome the un-heard and hardly seen servant entirely focused on their Dominant and

oblivious to all other surroundings and distractions.

How do we learn Protocols?

The actions of Protocol CANbe taught, but what is and what is notprotocolwithin a D/srelationship is an individualistic entity and is a journey within D/s.


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NO ONE can say, thatis protocol and that is not protocol. It is created, it evolves, itis a living things within the D/s relationship or event. I t is individuali zed.

For example: It is properetiquette to kneel when serving my Mistress.

Establishing Protocols

There exists, in the BDSM community, guidelines ofprotocols,but they do not exist in avacuum they are subject to the desires, demands, and edicts of the dominant. They must

fit within the framework of a D/s relationship or for a particular event in which a level of

protocol has been established. These levels are fluid and ever changing, at the whim of the Mistress/Master. These protocols can and do exist in the everyday lives of the Master/Mistress and slave as

well as at BDSM event whether they are at a BDSM club, event or at a formal High

Protocol event.

The main point is that whatever the Master or Mistress dictates as a protocol IS aprotocol. To another dominant it may not, but in your D/s relationship it is, and that iswhat matters. For each relationship and event it is different.

Some protocols that may be observed at a protocol event: Never to address another dominant without permission. When allowed, address other dominants as Sir, Master or Maam. Using hand signals to communicate when under voice restrictions.

For me, there are more than a few protocols that have been established by my Mistress: When my Mistress arrives at home, I present myself before her on my knees and

kiss Her feet. When I am with Her I stand one step behind her and to her right.

I address my Mistress as Mistress at all times in public and in private.


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The Common thread that exists in the Practice of Etiquette

and Protocol

FORMALITY

Whether it is a motorcycle club, a Gorean event or a Victorian household, the behaviorsare formal, respectful, structured and above all service-oriented. TheseProtocols can be

taught, refined, practiced and perfected within an established relationship or event. Formality in protocol does not necessarily mean it only happens at a formal event or a

formal setting. The formality of an action can take place in the most casual setting. For instance: The formality in a manner of etiquette or protocol can be as simple as

addressing someone with their proper title, standing up when a lady enters the room, just

to mention a few.

BDSM and Etiquette and Protocol The subject of Etiquette and Protocol covers a wide variety of subject matter and includes

activities that we may or may have not expected. From the vanilla world, to the professional world, to the BDSM lifestyle do we see the

presence of Etiquette and protocol.

The thing that makes Etiquette and Protocol different, in my opinion, is that it issomething that we use throughout the day with each interaction, every meal, every

BDSM event. Whereas other BDSM activities end when you are done with a scene or event. I hope this class has been informative, a realization, edifying and above all enjoyable I also hope that this class has given you a new perspective and interest into Etiquette and

Protocol

Tibi Gratias

I would like to give many thanks to the people who have helped me with this class

and the presentation of this classFirst and foremost my Mistress, who has helped me with content and clarity,I can be a bit verbose.

Lynx who put a great deal of effort and labor into the presenting of thisclass. Additionally, Lynx has given me some very insightful aspects into

Etiquette and Protocol.


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Ms. Angell, who has allowed me to present this class at SKALES and hasgiven me her input about the content and the presentation itself.

Master BlackWulf who has granted me permission to use his The HouseWulf Slave Manual as a resource. Though I didnt use a great deal, his

insight into protocols has been very valuable in the preparation of this class.

Master Trents Etiquette and Protocol presentation.Web sites:

MasterTrent.com Co-innersanctum.net Highprotocol.com (all protocol level descriptions come from here.)

Documents

Etiquette and Protocol Outline