Engagement and brief

interventions with perpetrators

of domestic violence Training with Respect phoneline

workers

31/7/2012

Chris Newman www.fsa.me.uk

Training Groundrules

• Confidentiality

• Looking after ourselves

• Respecting others and sharing the responsibility to

challenge each other respectfully

• Timekeeping

• Distractions

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Feminist approaches to working with perpetrators

• These are based in the idea that domestic violence is a misuse of power and control.

• Which is rooted in traditions that encourage men to believe that they are entitled to authority over their partners.

• From this perspective, men’s violence is defined as learned and intentional behaviour rather than the consequence of individual pathology, stress, substance use or a ‘dysfunctional’ relationship.

• The Duluth programme and its descendants seek to address this problem through an educational approach aimed at increasing men’s awareness of the distorting effects on their lives of gender role socialisation and encouraging relationships based on autonomy and respect.

(See, for instance, Pence E, Paymar M (1993) Education groups for men who batter:

The Duluth model. New York, NY, Springer Publishing Co.)

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy approaches

• This approach is based on an analysis of the distorted thought

patterns, assumptions, standards and beliefs which contribute to

the use of violence and abuse.

• CBT approaches are agnostic about extent to which gender

specific beliefs and attitudes contribute to abusive behaviour.

• Interventions are tailored to challenge or set in question these

thoughts and beliefs

• Alternative, non-abusive ways of handling conflict are practised,

along with other relationship skills such as assertiveness and

active listening. ( see for instance Treating the Abusive Partner: An Individualized

Cognitive-behavioral Approach - Christopher Murphy and Christopher Eckhardt )

Elements of domestic violence perpetrator programmes

in UK

These programmes aim to :

• Increase awareness of physiological, mental and emotional signs of build up to violence.

• Widen definition of abuse, set it in context of power and control

• Develop critical awareness of attitudes and beliefs that support use of violence.

• Demystify use of violence – “I just lost it” vs intentional/functional behaviour

• Increase empathy for victims

• Increase awareness of effects of domestic violence upon children

• Identify and practice alternative behaviour.

What else is happening in these groups?

Group process Some quotes from men on a violence prevention group.

• “There is respect, …still being respected despite having used

violence”. “ They never made me feel like a ‘wife beater’ (even

though I was!)”

• “In the group I learned confidence. I thought I was just a bastard. I

had no self esteem”.

• “You move away from being insular, the group process helps that, it

helps you to respect yourself again”.

• “People need to feel free to speak. Because you are baring your

soul about the worst things you have ever done, but I felt very

secure”.

.

Understanding the past

“I’ve been fishing around for answers about why I am the way I am. It takes

a long time to understand - it’s hard to recognise the things that

happened when I was young..

But I’ve been thinking about it a lot - now I’m doing the abuse... it’s obvious

that if I’m shouting and breaking things in the house that the children

are being neglected. And I was witnessing that growing up. Now I’m

just trying to put the two together and seeing where it takes me

But changing is the hardest thing to do if you’ve never seen it before, never

had role models.

But it’s up to me, it’s not outside of my capabilities, it’s possible”.

More recent developments in work with domestic violence offenders

Scotland The Caledonian system, draws on the “Good lives model” – Tony Ward

Previous approaches have relied on identifying and targeting ‘dynamic risk factors’ - gender expectations, distorted thinking patterns, or dysfunctional beliefs, lack of empathy

• but... “Have we overlooked a rather fundamental truth: offenders want better lives, not simply the promise of less harmful ones?”

• This implies a more holistic approach, identifying life goals and how abuse in relationships impairs these goals.

See http://www.scotland.gov.uk/Topics/People/Equality/violence-women/CaledonianSystem

Some of these goals can be identified in the values and qualities that men in a

UK perpetrator programme said they wanted to bring to relationships

David -

Being trustworthy, caring. Be emotionally and financially supportive

Being responsible, for the sake of others

Richard –

Being dependable (emotionally and otherwise)

Happiness (not burdening your partner and children with your moods)

Giving a bit more, and being more helpful

Colin –

Being caring and considerate

Stability , Best friendship

Jerry -

Respecting her feelings, and behaving respectfully

Being affectionate

Providing somewhere to turn to

Ali -

Understanding, patience

Respect – because you aren’t the only person that matters

The idea that these men were, at the time they made these statement,s both sincere in wanting a better life, and at the same time dangerous to their partners

UNDERSTANDINGS

SCRIPTED ROLE PLAY

Approaching the issue

• When did you meet? When did the relationship start getting

serious? How soon did you move in together/marry?

• What did you see in your partner when you first met? What did

she see in you, do you think?

• We all have rows at home sometimes. What issues did you

argue over at first? And later?

• Are you worried about how you deal with anger?

• Do you ever get out of control?

• Do you feel there’s times when you’ve gone too far? / when you haven’t used the right methods to stand up for yourself?

• Are there things you’ve done that you don’t feel so good about?

Approaching The Issue

• What are you like when you are angry? – best/ worst & examples

• When did you first lay a hand on her in anger?

• How do you get physical with her when arguing?

• If you could see a film of yourself during an argument, how would you look? Do you pace around, shout, bang things, break things, stand close to her when you are shouting?’

• Have you ever hit her or pushed her around?

• Have you ever frightened her?

• How long do arguments last? How do they end?

• How often do arguments like this happen?

Working with denial

Implications for risk assessment

Long standing belief that perpetrators who deny their

violent actions are among those least likely to desist

from further violence and abuse

This applies to both domestic violence perpetrators and

child abusers.

Implications for risk assessment

Mixed evidence for a link between denial

and general criminal recidivism.

• Strongest for those men who are convinced of

their own innocence (self-deceivers)

• But for those whose denial is a conscious

attempt to avoid consequences, or to avoid

shame and embarrassment (liars), there is at

least some sense that their behaviour is

unacceptable.

‘Psychological’ vs ‘social’ denial

or liars vs self deceivers

Lying is a (conscious) strategy generally employed to

avoid anticipated aversive consequences

Denial - an (unconscious) psychological defence arising

from a need to maintain a positive self-image in order

to avoid potentially overwhelming emotion, such as

shame.

In its traditional sense, being ‘in denial’ is therefore a

product of self-deception: the tendency to provide

honestly held but inflated descriptions of the self.

Context is also important

Henning and Holdford (2006) found that with

domestic violence offenders at time of arrest :

‘Participants who intentionally denied minor character

flaws in a possible attempt to appear socially

conforming were less likely to recidivate than

offenders who were more forthcoming’ (pp. 123–124).

Some of those who admit at time of arrest may simply

not care about what they did – “she deserved it” or

don’t realise that what they did was serious

So, paradoxically, ‘liars’ may be less risky

than (uncaring) admitters, and self

deceivers.

Also note that some offenders cycle

between acknowledgement –>shame ->

anger->re-offending

So when and why is denial

a problem?

Implications for change or treatment

• It makes it easier to continue being abusive –

if it’s only a small problem, why change?

• It’s very hard to work with those in denial

• minimisation of responsibility is linked to

higher treatment attrition rates

• It implies that the victim needs to change

before you can stop being abusive.

Implications for those affected by the

abuse

• It leaves the burden of dealing with the

effects of the violence with those who have been harmed.

• Others may blame or not believe the victim.

• If talking to children, it puts the blame on the non-abusive parent

• or denies their direct experience • and hinders their recovery

Implications for those affected by the

abuse

With partner abuse • it puts the blame on the non-abusive

parent • denies children’s direct experience • and hinders their recovery

Accepting blame vs becoming

accountable, for the sake of those around you

The bedframe

Approaching the issue

• Are you worried about how you deal with anger?

• Do you ever get out of control?

• do you feel there’s times when you’ve gone too far? / when you haven’t used the right methods to stand up for yourself?

• We all have disagreements at home sometimes. How do you guys resolve your conflicts? At your best? Give me an example of that. And at your worst? Give me an example of that….

• What are you like when you are angry - At you’re best (give example)? At your worst (give example)?

• when did you first scare to her do you think? Tell me about that?

• What ways have you laid a hand on her in anger?

• How do you get physical with her when arguing?

• Have you ever hit her or pushed her around?

• What do you feel is the worst thing you’ve done to her? What would she say to that?

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To move away from blaming accounts

Gain their consent to focus on their part of the equation:

I am going to bring you back to talking about yourself when you seem to be focusing a lot on your partner - is that okay? I know you might go on feeling that you want to talk about her more and may feel frustrated when you’re shut down but I’d ask you to just stick with it for now.

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Challenging minimisation

• Acknowledge and discuss the barriers to disclosure

• But be persistent in order to get detail and context of what happened

• use scales – on a scale of 1-5 (5 being punching her as hard as you can) how hard did you punch her?

• Ask for detail of the words that the abuser used - ask for exactly what was said and how. How loud?

• Reflecting back without the minimising e.g. he says “I just slapped her” – reflect back “you slapped her”.

• start at higher levels of violence than you believe has been used so that the client then has to work back to the actual level of violence

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Working motivationally

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Expanding his/her ethical side

Listening to what he wants to tell you first

• So what made you decide to call? What made you think it mattered enough to give it a try?

Repositioning his anger – reflecting back values

• You feel like no-one’s heard your side - so being listened to is really important to you

• so fairness really matters to you

• so justice is something you feel really strongly about – tell me what you mean by justice….

Get his consent to ask direct questions

• I’m going to ask some very direct questions about your family life and your relationships, is that okay?

• Would you tell me if I ask you something you don’t want to answer - would you speak out?

Opening a window to remorse

Switching to visual memory and present–tense account

• So you are in the front room, she’s hurt and the kids are crying.

• What are realising when you try to picture that?

Repositioning shame

• I can see that it’s painful to look at the way you acted then

• what sort of person would you be if it wasn’t hard/ if you didn’t feel that?

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Ask questions which increase his internal conflict

about his use of violence. Start with questions

about:

• the impacts of the violence on him – What have been the

costs for you of acting in this way?

• his children’s experience – you may be able to draw

parallels between his own childhood experience and his

children’s

• You an also ask about his awareness of the effects on

his partner - but be aware that in the early stages he’s

likely to be angry and resentful towards his partner

,

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Contrasts with how he wanted things to be

• What did you see in your partner when you first met?

What do you think she saw in you? How do you think

you made her feel at first? And now?….

And how he wants things to be in the future

• Where do you see yourself in two/five years if you

continue to abuse? Do you think your partner will care

about you in the same way? do you think you will be in a

relationship? what do you think your relationship with

your children will be like?

• In the past have you ever said you’ll change or won’t do

it again? Did you keep your word? 32

What do you feel is the worst thing

you’ve done to her?

What would s/he say?

How did that incident end?

When you picture that in your minds eye

(describe back the end of that incident)

what are realising? How does that image

sit with you now?

Back to the children

• How has the violence in your relationship affected your relationship with your children?

• What do you think they are aware of?

• What have you noticed about how the children are affected by the violence and abuse between the adults?

• Do you talk with your child about the conflict in the family? What do you say? What would you want to say, if

you could?

What do you

see on the

surface?

With the parent the worker

asks the parent to think

about the child’s iceberg –

“what does s/he show on

the surface when these

things go on?”, “and what

do imagine is going on

underneath?”

Think about your own iceberg.– “when you talk about this, this is what I

hear on the surface”.

“what’s going on underneath for you?”

What’s going on

underneath?

Power and abuse

1. So if he hadn’t used abuse and had sat with his difficult feelings how would he have experienced his power relationship to the victim?

2. when he uses violence how does this relationship change?

3. a day or a week later how is the use of violence likely to make him feel in relation to his partner?

Kim

Beliefs Expectations Fears:

S/he should….

If … then…..

If I can’t stop her… then ….. (worst fear)

Thoughts

Feelings

Behaviour

Iceberg analogy from Moira Andrew, Rory Macrae, Monica Wilson for the Caledonian Development Group (2008)

Safety planning with perpetrators • Lets assume your partner isn’t going to change - how can you keep yourself safer

over the coming weeks ?

• Do you know when it's going to happen? Is there a pattern? What are the usual trigger subjects and situations/ sore points?

• What’s the most likely trigger situations that could come up in the next week or two?

• What could be an absolute worst case scenario in the coming weeks?

• When you were building up to being abusive before what was the first sign you were angry - what did your body feel like? What sort of faces, gestures, movements were you making? What thoughts were running through your head? In particular how did you see her? How different is this to how you see her when you’re not angry with her?

• What do you already do to try to talk yourself down and stay safe?

• What’s the most effective single thing you can tell yourself to wind yourself down?

• How early on in the situation do you have to start winding yourself down for it to be most effective?

• How and when would you know that this wasn’t enough and that you were escalating towards frightening or abusive behaviour anyway?