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Emotional Social IntelligenceCoaching

The SMARTER Way

Cynthia Kivland, M.Ed., Master CareerCounselor, Board Certified Coach,

Author


What is attracting the needfor emotional and socialintelligence coaching?


Changing behavior is less a matter of givingpeople analysis to influence their thoughts, than

helping them to see a truth to influence theirfeelings.

The heart of change is emotions. Theflow of see-feel-change is more

powerful than that of analysis-think-change.

The Heart of Change by John Kotter


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Culture of Humanity andCivility

Requires Emotional and Social Intelligence

When emotions and social connections are usedintelligently, we can build relationships that

inspire self and others to exceed results.


Emotional and Social Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence• The capacity for

recognizing our ownfeelings and those ofothers, for motivatingourselves, and formanaging emotionsin ourselves andothers.

Social Intelligence• Learned capabilities

based on EmotionalIntelligence thatcontribute to effectiveperformance at work,outstandingleadership, anddeeply satisfyingrelationships in lifeand work.


How is Your Culture, Really?

Connection

High

LowMood InspiringNasty


Does a Leader’s Mood Matter? Angry Afraid Fearful

Surprised InFlow Excited

Ignored Hi-Jacked Bored

Satisfied Calm Unengaged

Connection

High

LowMood InspiringNasty


Positive Mood + InspiredConnections§ Attracts Collaboration§ Reinforces Civility§ Inspires Engaged Performance§ Receive Higher Results


Career Derailment• There is consensus on causes of derailment.• Genesis of one’s success can be the seeds of

one’s failure.• Unhealthy emotional and social learned

behavior under real or perceived stress.• Flourishes in workplaces that tolerate

disrespect.• Interferes with productive and meaningful

relationships.


Derailment and Social and Emotional

IntelligenceHorney (1950): 3 themes of flawed social and

emotional tendencies:1. Moving away from people: Managing one’s

feelings of inadequacy by avoiding contact withothers.

2. Moving against people: Managing one’s self-doubts by dominating and intimidating others.

3. Moving toward people: Managing one’semotions and social insecurities by buildingunhealthy alliances.


SMARTER Skills1. What is a social or emotional

intelligence skill that helps a smart person shine in your workplace?

2. How do you coach to reinforce thisskill?


7 SMARTER Skills Social and Emotional IntelligenceMattersSelf

– Optimize strengths and demonstrate selfefficacy to achieve career success andsignificance. ( Example of activity)

Mastery– Master one’s emotions, thoughts, stories

and actions to achieve success andsignificance.


7 SMARTER Skills Social and Emotional IntelligenceMatters

Attraction– Intentional display of positive energy,

optimism and confidence to attract thebest in self and others.

Resilience– Adapts, reinvents and builds reserves to

overcome setbacks and obstacles.


Tolerance– Accepts, acknowledges and appreciates other’s

perspectives. Remove tolerations that hold you andothers from being their personal best.

Evolve– Innovates, initiates, and improves. Choose

Greatness over Sabotage.Reciprocity

– Ability to teach and be taught, lead and be led,receive and give.

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7 SMARTER Skills Social and Emotional Intelligence Matters


• When an event occurs, we feel and think at the sametime.

• In most situations, we feel before we think!• Different parts of our brain “light up” when we use

SMARTER skills.• Reinforcing these different skills means optimizing

different parts of the emotional and cognitive brain.• A solution “coach approach” develops a SMARTER

mindset.• SMARTER skills reinforces a Growth ( Thrive) Mindset

vs. Fixed Mindset ( Survive). ( handout)

Solution Focused EQ Coaching New Neural Paths


Not So SMART NeuralPathways

• Retreat: Moving away – associated with lowerSEI, these people appear not to manage theiremotions and understand others emotionssuccessfully

• Fight: Moving against - associated with high SEI,

these people appear to over-use their SEI to suchan extent that they may annoy or upset others

• Befriend: Moving toward - associated with lower

SEI, these people appear not to manage theiremotions and understand others emotionssuccessfully


SMARTER Skill- Resilience“Stinkin Thinkin”IT company that was struggling to stay afloat. Here are different

reactions: Ain’t It Awful: – ‘We are way below target and with the current economic

situation there is nothing we can do to improve the situation, it is out of myhands and the future looks gloomy.’ – Steve

Realistic Optimism – ‘I am aware that it is a tough market out there and I needto make sure we are doing everything we can to promote the companiesunique selling points such as Google optimization and working my contacts.If we all work together and get word out there, I am optimistic that thebusiness will take off.’ – Joan

Pollyanna– ‘It doesn’t matter that the figures are down people will be drawn toour great product, no reason to panic or change what we are doing. I’mplanning a trip in my boat round Europe while the dust settles.’ – Paul


EQ Coaching

• Start with positive memories to “open” new pathways tolearning.

• What SMARTER skills are you good at?

• Examples of how you have used the skills as a strength.

• Examples where they may have overplayed it.

• Link feeling to thinking, then behavior.

• Perception lag- negative emotional memories have a longshelf life


Coaching Smarter Skills

• Discover• Commit• Forward Action • Coaching in Action


Social and Emotional IntelligenceMaster your own emotional and social intelligence and

then, learn how to use these skills to coach or lead others.• Begins March 7 2012- ICF and NBCC CEU’s

Approved– Coaching Smart People - Social and Emotional

Intelligence Leadership Certification• Incudes three leading EQ assessments• Over 100 coaching tools forms• Mentor coaching• Peer coaching

• Interested in attending? [email protected] for coupon for additional$100 off !

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Smarter Assessment and Next Steps

• I invite you to assess your SMARTERleadership skills.

• Share your results with others.• Reflect and Act

– What did you discover about your strengths?Areas for growth?

– What one action can you take to build orsustain a culture of greatness?

– How will you be held accountable forcommitment plan?

Documents

Emotional Social Intelligence Coaching The SMARTER Waystorage.cloversites.com/agcoaching/documents/EQ Coaching- TheSMARTER... · Social and Emotional Intelligence Matters Self –