Emotional Intelligence: Emotional Intelligence: Self-Control and EmpathySelf-Control and Empathy

ObjectivesObjectives::•Understand the concept of “Self-Understand the concept of “Self-Control” as it relates to our lives.Control” as it relates to our lives.• Understand the concept of “Empathy” Understand the concept of “Empathy” and its importance in relating to others.and its importance in relating to others.

Everybody Up!Everybody Up!

Let’s hear our I-POSSESS song/ Let’s hear our I-POSSESS song/ cheer!cheer!

Describe Self-ControlDescribe Self-Control

Self-control is the ability to control Self-control is the ability to control your impulses or urges to do your impulses or urges to do something.something.

This is the most difficult of all areas This is the most difficult of all areas for most people.for most people.

It is something that you have to work at, It is something that you have to work at, especially when you are young.especially when you are young.

The period of adolescence is one of the The period of adolescence is one of the toughest in your life. toughest in your life.

I hear adults say, “This is one of the I hear adults say, “This is one of the happiest times of your life, and you should happiest times of your life, and you should be enjoying it.” In some ways, that is true be enjoying it.” In some ways, that is true but it is also one of the most difficult times but it is also one of the most difficult times as well.as well.

Being a teenager is tough…period.Being a teenager is tough…period.

You are going through hormones, You are going through hormones, decisions, peers and the struggles they decisions, peers and the struggles they are having, you are having to be there are having, you are having to be there for your friends, you are trying to find for your friends, you are trying to find your own identity, you are trying to get your own identity, you are trying to get some freedom at home and you are some freedom at home and you are trying to figure out who you go with, trying to figure out who you go with, where you will go with your life, what where you will go with your life, what you will do, and on and on and on and you will do, and on and on and on and on. on.

The real problem for you and me, The real problem for you and me, as well, is the need to develop self-as well, is the need to develop self-

control.control.

What it boils down to is being able to What it boils down to is being able to say to yourself that you say to yourself that you willwill or or will notwill not do something.do something.

For example, you have the For example, you have the opportunity to take something opportunity to take something without paying for it. What do without paying for it. What do you do?you do?

Or, you have the opportunity to do Or, you have the opportunity to do something that you know you can get something that you know you can get away with and now you have to away with and now you have to decide. What do you do?decide. What do you do?

In fact, your whole life is filled with In fact, your whole life is filled with choices about what to do and every choices about what to do and every

one of them involves self-control.one of them involves self-control.

How many examplesHow many examples can you think of can you think of where you have choices, and every where you have choices, and every time you have to exercise self-time you have to exercise self-control as to what you do?control as to what you do?

At your tables, brainstorm for 2 At your tables, brainstorm for 2 minutes as many examples as you minutes as many examples as you can.can.

Group Role PlayGroup Role Play The scene is your classroom on a day The scene is your classroom on a day

when you have a substitute teacher.when you have a substitute teacher. One person plays the teacher. One person plays the teacher.

Everyone else go out to the courtyard Everyone else go out to the courtyard and comes in.and comes in.

Use three different scenariosUse three different scenarios:: Everyone comes in not using self-control Everyone comes in not using self-control

(talking, being disrespectful, etc.)(talking, being disrespectful, etc.) Everyone comes in using self-control.Everyone comes in using self-control. Part of the group does not use self-control. Part of the group does not use self-control.

What do the others do?What do the others do?

DiscussionDiscussion

How would Teen Leaders, knowing How would Teen Leaders, knowing what we know, behave with a what we know, behave with a substitute?substitute?

Think of our meeting and greeting Think of our meeting and greeting skills, for example.skills, for example.

How do you develop self-control?How do you develop self-control? Most people don’t understand that you Most people don’t understand that you

can’t just wake up some morning and can’t just wake up some morning and say, “Well, I think I’ll have self-control say, “Well, I think I’ll have self-control today.”today.”

It is not that easy!It is not that easy! You get self-control over time and you You get self-control over time and you

have to work at it or it won’t happenhave to work at it or it won’t happen.. You will also fail during this time of You will also fail during this time of

growing.growing. The trick is NOT to get discouraged and The trick is NOT to get discouraged and

quit.quit.

A life without self-control is a life A life without self-control is a life out of control.out of control.

Learning to say no and yes at the right Learning to say no and yes at the right times is something that all of us have times is something that all of us have to learn.to learn.

When you don’t learn this, the When you don’t learn this, the consequences are bad.consequences are bad.

If you can’t control yourself, someone If you can’t control yourself, someone else will… and that’s not cool.else will… and that’s not cool.

ConclusionConclusion

I value my freedom, and I would do I value my freedom, and I would do whatever it took to keep it.whatever it took to keep it.

If you really want to be free, you If you really want to be free, you have to learn self-control.have to learn self-control.

EmpathyEmpathy

What does empathy mean?What does empathy mean?

Empathy is the ability to feel what Empathy is the ability to feel what others feel.others feel.

Empathy is the key to being human.Empathy is the key to being human.

For us to be part of the social For us to be part of the social community we have to be able to be community we have to be able to be in touch with other people and their in touch with other people and their feelings.feelings.

How is empathy developed?How is empathy developed?

Empathy is developed in people Empathy is developed in people through their early learning through their early learning experiences.experiences.

We learn this through our own We learn this through our own crying, hurting, sharing, being cared crying, hurting, sharing, being cared for and accepted, as well as having for and accepted, as well as having someone hold us and learning how to someone hold us and learning how to express our feelings.express our feelings.

The difficult thing for many people is The difficult thing for many people is that when they go to school they are that when they go to school they are often made fun of and teased.often made fun of and teased.

When this happens, we can quickly end When this happens, we can quickly end up feeling alone and uncared for.up feeling alone and uncared for.

For many of us, school is a painful For many of us, school is a painful experience. We seem to be experience. We seem to be surrounded by people and sometimes surrounded by people and sometimes by friends, but in reality, we can feel by friends, but in reality, we can feel very alone.very alone.

It is possible to learn how to express It is possible to learn how to express empathy during these early years of empathy during these early years of childhood and adolescence.childhood and adolescence.

One of the things we need to do is to One of the things we need to do is to learn to listen to others and learn how learn to listen to others and learn how to understand someone’s feelings.to understand someone’s feelings.

Take time to try to understand and get Take time to try to understand and get in touch with what a person is feeling.in touch with what a person is feeling.

Empathy is caring about and Empathy is caring about and understanding what the other understanding what the other

person is feeling.person is feeling. Can you see empathy?Can you see empathy? How can someone show empathy to someone else?How can someone show empathy to someone else? How do you feel when someone shows you empathy?How do you feel when someone shows you empathy? How do you feel when you show someone else How do you feel when you show someone else

empathy?empathy? What does empathy have to do with being a good What does empathy have to do with being a good

leader?leader? What does it do to a group when someone is upset What does it do to a group when someone is upset

and someone in the group makes mean or sarcastic and someone in the group makes mean or sarcastic remarks about that person or how the person is remarks about that person or how the person is expressing feelings?expressing feelings?

When a group is able to express empathy to each When a group is able to express empathy to each other, how does this affect the group’s performance?other, how does this affect the group’s performance?

ConclusionConclusionEmpathy StoriesEmpathy Stories We’ll listen to the stories.We’ll listen to the stories. Discuss each one.Discuss each one. Answer some questions:Answer some questions:

How did you feel?How did you feel? Did you connect with the character in the Did you connect with the character in the

story?story? Have you ever felt that way?Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever known anyone that Have you ever known anyone that

something like this happened to?something like this happened to?