Elliott Austin Complaintletter Teachers Comments

7/30/2019 Elliott Austin Complaintletter Teachers Comments

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Austin Elliott104 Sand Hill Rd.

Lawndale, NC 28090704-692-1227

February 10, 2013To: Moore Housing Facilities at UNC Charlotte

Dear Housing Facilities,

In this letter I wish to fully exert my feelings toward issues, which have arisenduring my stay so far. When I first registered for housing here at UNC Charlotte I tooktime to ensure that I picked a living style that was comfortable but also reasonable withcost. My impression of the dorm-style living consisted of staying in a room, which Ishared with another occupant, but having the amenities of a fully functioning bathroom.One thatprovides access to hygienic needs, being shared by all of the residences of thathall. This impression was shot down within the first week I lived here, mainly for havingto take cold showers. Since January 9th, I have taken very few warm showers, the resthave been severely cold. I figured that maybe it was just me that it was happening tosince I tend to take later showers as a result of having late classes. After talking to myroommate and others on the hall, I understood that it was not just me, but that everybodyin the high rise is suffering from the same event. I see that warm showers are a necessityfor everyone, especially since our room andboard exceeds $2300.00 per semester. As a

result to the amount spent on room and board this situation should not occur. I havenoticed that many other complaint letters have been sent due to this, but negligence fromthe facilities or maintenance department to fix this problem has resulted in us to continueto shower in cold water. I guess the only good thing about taking cold showers is thatallows adequate time to walk to class in the mornings since the time spent in there is at aminimum, unless when you get to the elevator and it is not working. This leads me toanother one of the issues that have arose during my stay: the operation of the elevators.For the past few weeks the elevators in our building have not been very reliable. Theytend to either bypass our floor while we wait or do not function at all. This becomes verystressful when trying to get to class on time, because I end up late as a result of having totake the stairs. These two issues that I have discussed should be top priority for thefacilities department to fix, as is will continue to cause issues if left the way they are now.If this continues many of the residences I have talked to, also including myself will not bestaying here again. There is no sense in paying this high room and board fee if the basic

necessities we depend on are not functioning when we need them. As I finish this letter, Ihope that I have brought attention to the issues that are arising in this building, because asit continues to age more and more problem are going to continue to arise, especially if thedepartment responsible for tending to these problem continues to be reluctant to fix them.I truly hope that these problems will be resolved so that contentment will be brought tome along with others in this building.

Thanks,Austin Elliott

Adam Padgett 3/14/13 1:07 PM

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Comment [1]: I like the tone of calm butassertive concern youve adopted here.


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Comment [2]: Try to avoid switching fro

past tense to present tense .


Deleted:Adam Padgett 3/14/13 1:24 PM

Comment [3]: Good use of specifics.


Comment [4]: Verb tense


Comment [5]: Good, showing quantifiablevidence for urgency.


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Comment [6]: Good, but does this suggesthat this is top priority for you? That the othe

grievances mentioned here are secondary?


Comment [7]: Needed? I feel like this isneedless diction. Like a kind of rhetorical troused only in dramatic contexts.


Comment [8]: Try not to over use words phrases. It makes the writing stale andredundant.


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Analysis

This is the analysis of the complaint letter above. I wish to explain the process

used in writing this along with fully describing how ethos, pathos, and logos helped to

influence me.

After reviewing this piece it was evident to me the persuasive measures I used

through rhetorical speech. The first is through ethos, ethos in writing refers to ethics,

many times in writing ethical reasoning is used. For example in the piece, I used ethos to

express my feelings toward the cost and benefits received from housing, our room and

board exceeds $2300.00 per semester. As a result to the amount spent on room and board

this situation should not occur. In this direct quote I used my personal beliefs, or ethics

to explain the situation. My family owns and operates a business and through that I have

been taught the ethnical means behind doing business, and that consists of doing

customers right, making sure that they get their moneys worth. This has become a huge

issue when pertaining to the benefits that we have received during our stay. In other

words, we are customers to the housing facility and the cost in which we pay to live here

out weighs even the basic necessities that we receive.

The second rhetorical writing technique used was through pathos, pathos refers to

the emotions. When looking at the emotions used in this memo I can see that I used a

strong, but collective attitude. While also being blunt orstraightforward about the issues

that I have been experiencing. For example in this direct quote, Since January 9th, I have

taken very few warm showers, the rest have been severely cold. I figured that maybe it

was just me that it was happening to since I tend to take later showers as a result of

having late classes. After talking to my roommate and others on the hall I understood that


Comment [9]: I dont think this is needed


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Comment [10]: Good analysis here.


Comment [11]:No need to tell me thesethings.


Deleted: straight forward


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it was not just me, but that everybody in the high rise is suffering from the same event.

displays concern, in a tone that reveals the problem while also keeping getting to the

point. It does not use extraneous force, but it adds just enough thrust to allow the

audience, housing facilities, to feel as if they have witnessed it their selves. When looking

back at pathos in writing, often times using ones emotions as they are truly felt overturns

a more suiting outcome versus sugar coating the situation.

The last topic is logos, or the logical approach within the writing. In this memo I

used several situation involving logic. An example of this would be in the quote having

the amenities of a fully functioning bathroom. One that provides access to hygienic

needs, being shared by all of the residences of that hall ., I used this logical approach to

describe the common bathroom. By using this I believe it puts more emphasis on the

situation that is occurring, which is the issue of not having warm water to shower in.

Most people would take the reasoning used to describe the basics to truly understand the

how unpleasant the situation truly is. I tried to use this same method of reasonable

speaking through expressing my emotions to allow the projected audience to receive the

full effect of how I personally felt about the situation.

Throughout this entire memo I used rhetorical writing through ethos, pathos, and

logos to give a logical, ethical, and emotional reasoning behind the problems that have

arose.


Comment [12]: Good analysis here, I agr

with you.


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Comment [13]: While I appreciate the

clarity of topic changes, try to ease into thenext topic with obvious tactics. In other wordhave a discussion, have transitions, as opposto these static, presentation-like tags at the toof each paragraph.


Comment [14]: If your going to write aconclusion, write one that that is worthwhile

the conclusion is the last paragraph yourprofessor reads before assigning you a grademake it count.


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Austin,

I think you do a really good job adopting the just the right tone and explaining the

circumstances clearly and concisely. You do have one large block of text here. Is there a

way to break this up into more digestible bits so that the audience can receive the

information easier? While I like your tone here, I would like for you to try to avoid static

language. What I mean by that is, avoid reusing phrases or words (like arise) or, in

your memo, having transitions and discussion topics that have the rhythm of a

conversation (while still maintaining the professional/academic tone you have).

Otherwise, good work here. If you were to send out this letter, Im sure you would get a

favorable response from your audience.

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Elliott Austin Complaintletter Teachers Comments