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EIGHTBALL

Written by

Sean Hood

Based on the prompts:

Implying. Eight. Paranoia.

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AddressPhone Number

ii.

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INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

BERTRAND (33), intense and obsessive, sits on a couch in hisboxer shorts. He shakes a Magic Eightball and looks at theresults. He scoffs at if he can’t believe his own eyes.

He shakes the ball again. Looks down.

BERTRANDRealy? Come on.

ALICE (27), deadpan and spacey, crosses from kitchen in abathrobe. She’s eating a bowl of Captain Crunch.

She watches him shake the ball again. He stares at the answer with impotent rage.

BERTRAND (CONT’D)Are you FUCKING kiding me?

ALICEWhat.

BERTRANDEvery single time. Like every timefor like a hundred times!

ALICEUh huh.

(crunches cereal)Wait. What?

BERTRAND(mocking)

“I know but I don’t want to tell.”

ALICEEvery time?

BERTRANDEvery single time. Never anythingelse. Always the same.

ALICE

It’s broken I guess.

He reaches over, takes the cereal bowl, and thrusts her theeightball into her hands.

BERTRANDYou try it.

ALICEUhm. Okay.

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She shakes the Magic Eightball. Squints at the window.

ALICE (CONT’D)What was the question?

BERTRAND

The question doesn’t matter. Thereisn’t a question. What does it say?

ALICE“Signs point to yes.”

He snatches the eightball back.

BERTRANDYou see? Oh, it’s NOT broken.For you, for anyone else, it’s“Signs point to yes.” But for me?

He shakes it again. Looks down. Reads...

BERTRAND (CONT’D)(mocking)

“I know but I don’t want to tell.”

Beat.

ALICEBut, like, did you ask it anything?

BERTRANDNo. That’s just it. I didn’t ask.

It just “knows.” “Knows” what? Whatdoes it “know?” I have no idea. AllI know, all it’s willing to tellME, is that it “doesn’t want totell” what it knows.

Alice sits down at the other end of the couch.

ALICECan I have my cereal back?

BERTRAND

(ignoring her)What is that supposed to imply? Howam I supposed to take this? It“knows” something. That much isclear. But what does it “know?”

(pointedly)That is the question.

Alice reaches over and takes back her cereal.

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ALICEWhat if it knows something reallycool, like it knows that somethinggreat is going to happen but itdoesn’t want to ruin the surprise?

Beat.

BERTRAND(darkly)

You are so naive.

Betrand shakes it yet again. Looks down. Reads. Same answer.He raises the ball up as if to smash it on the grounds, butinstead just grips it, as Hamlet did Yoric’s skull.

Alice eats her cereal. Thinks.

ALICE

Maybe it knows the answer, but its waiting for you to ask it the rightquestion. Then it will tell you.

BERTRAND(sarcastic)

Right. Sure. Ask it a question.Perfect. Just what it wants me todo. Play its game on its terms.

(shaking the ball)No. Sorry. I don’t think so.

He looks down. Same answer. He sighs. Hopeless.

ALICEOr. I mean. You could just stop.

Bertrand looks genuinely desperate.

BERTRANDBut could I? Could I really dothat? Just go on as if everything were normal, knowing that it knows.

They sit in silence for a moment. Both lost in thought.

ALICEI guess we just live with it then.

Bertrand takes one more shake, reads the window, and...

CUT TO BLACK:

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