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Insights in how to manage difficult people.
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Effectively Dealing with Difficult People
Victoria Wors Facilitator
Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
Victoria Wors, SPHR
BBA and MS in Human Resources ManagementCertified Birkman Method® Consultant
Human Resources Professional with numerous years in various industries and working with different levels and cultures.
Currently consultant to small and mid-sized businesses to improve communications within teams and between specific individuals using the Birkman Assessment tool
Retained Human Resources Consultant to Premiere Employee Services, a St. Louis PEO
Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
Acknowledgements
Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High; Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillian, and Al Switzler; 2002
Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
4
Creation of Crucial Moment
General Adaptation Syndrome model Developed by Hans Selye Explains an incident of “design” response Choose Well: ¼ second
ALARM RESISTANCE EXHAUSTION
AdrenalineRushCortisol Loading
NormalDay
BadDay!
Choices:FIGHTFLIGHTCOPE
Impaired levelof functioningSelf-defeating loops sustained
Choose well:New level offunctioning
Who Are the Difficult People We Speak Of?
Confronting employees with performance issues
Talking with a coworker who behaves offensively or makes suggestive comments
Talking to an employee out personal hygiene
Addressing a team member’s lack of commitment to tasks
Dealing with a rebellious employeeWors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
The Power of Mastering Dialogue
Open and honest expression of opinions, feelings and the ability to articulate controversial theories without fear of retribution.
Di-a-logue or di-a-log n.The free flow of meaning between two or
more people.
Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
Filling the Pool of Shared Meaning
Individual Pool of
Meaning
Individual Pool
of Meanin
g
Shared Pool ofMeaning
Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
The Pool of Shared Energy is the Birthplace of Synergy
Better Choices are made by all parties sharing in the pool of meaning
Participants are committed to the final decision
Shared Energy leads to faster, more committed action.
Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
How to Stay Focused
Ask yourself these questions:▪ “What I do I really want for myself”?▪ “What do I really want for others”?▪ “What do I really want for this
relationship”? After answering these three
questions ask yourself:▪ How would I behave if I really wanted
these results?
Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
Refuse the Sucker’s Choice
Do you feel you must choose
Find the elusive “and”
Clarify what you don’t want and add it to what you do want (the elusive “and”)
Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
How to Know When Safety is at Risk
Dual Processing
Watch for the moment the conversation turns difficult
• Notice when people feel unsafe (silence or argumentative)
• Find your style under stress
Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
Exercise
Instructions
Consider the list of questions, before answering consider a specific situation at work and complete the questionnaire while thinking of how you typically approach this difficult situation.
Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
What Your Score Means
SILENCE
MaskingО 5 (T)О 6 (T)
AvoidingО 3(T)О 4(T)
WithdrawingО 1(T)О 2(T)
VIOLENCE
ControllingО 7(T)О 8 (T)
LabelingО 9 (T)О 10 (T)
AttackingО 11 (T)О 12(T)
Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
How to Make It Safe to Talk About Almost Anything
When others move to silence or argumentative, step out of the conversation and “Make It Safe”.
When safety is restored, go back to the issue at hand and continue the dialogue.
Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
Decide Which Condition of Safety is at Risk
Mutual Purpose.
Mutual Respect.
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Apologize When Appropriate
When you have clearly violated respect…
APOLOGIZE
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Contrast to Fix Misunderstanding
When others misunderstand either your purpose or your intent.
Start with what you don’t intend or mean, then explain what you do intend or mean.
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CRIB to Get to Mutual Purpose
Commit to seek Mutual Purpose
Recognize the purpose behind the strategy
Invent a Mutual Purpose Brainstorm new strategies
Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
State My Path
Share your facts. Tell your story. Ask for others’ path. Talk tentatively. Encourage testing.
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Explore Others’ Paths
Ask Mirror Paraphrase Prime Agree Build Compare
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Move to Action
Decide How to Decide Command Consult Vote Consensus
Finish Clearly
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How to Prepare to Deal with a Difficult Person
Start with Heart Learn to Look Make It Safe Master Your Stories State Your Path Explore Others’ Paths Move to Action
Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
Discussion of Difficult Cases
Failure to Live Up to Agreements
Sexual Harassment or Other
Harassment
Dealing with Someone That
Breaks All of the Rules
Failed Trust Insubordination (or over the line
disrespect)
I Need Time to Calm Down
Shows No Initiative Shows a Pattern Endless Excuses
Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
For Additional Information:
Victoria WorsWors Consulting, LLC
www.worsconsulting.com
Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved