Staying behind high walls, female persons-in-custody (PICs) quieted down and started

reflecting on how they ended up in prison. Realizing that they had been avoiding problems

and had used deviant ways to solve problems in the past, they regretted. As a result, their

mood worsened and more problems came up. They regretted for not handling their emotional

distress well, feeling guilty for bringing troubles to their family, upsetting them and leaving

them disappointed. With a heart for change, they started thinking about their future.

They first came to the clinical psychologist’s office with all kinds of attitudes and expectations.

In some cases, attitudes and performance fluctuated, showing resistance to psychological

assessments and treatments. Some wanted to change, but were reserved, not building enough

trust to confide in clinical psychologists. Some finally found their ways of release, crying and

expressing freely. Through interviews and encouragement, clinical psychologists guide PICs

to understand their psychological needs and enhance their motivation to change. Clinical

psychologists also facilitate them to build trust and open up themselves, so as to discover their

problems gradually and make changes.

Through psychological interventions, they understand that emotional distress can be caused

by various reasons and can be handled in different ways. For instances, when dealing with the

same incident, different thoughts can lead to contrasting emotions; emotions and self-esteem

change when one uses alternative perspective and different thoughts to face criticisms; active

coping is more effective than avoidance; one could face stress calmly with relaxation skills;

traumas become less haunting after altering thoughts and reactions to traumas……

However, stepping out from one’s comfort zone is never easy. At first, they may face emotional

fluctuation, given that adjustment takes time and their mood management skills are not yet

proficient. They may get frustrated, grumble and even want to give up. Change takes time

and practice. One may fall again when faced with new challenges. By trials and errors, these

women strengthen their learning, showing others and themselves their transformations.

This chapter shows drawings in which female PICs reveal their reflection, struggles and process

of changes, hoping that the public will gain a better understanding of them.

在院所中，面對四面圍牆，女性在囚人士有機會靜下來，反思

究竟何以會落得被囚禁的地步。部份人察覺到原來自己一直以

來逃避問題、發洩情緒，甚至不惜用違法的方式去處理問題。

最終，她們的情緒非但沒有改善，甚至衍生更多問題。她們後

悔自己沒有好好處理情緒困擾，並因犯事而為家人帶來麻煩，

讓他們失望和傷心。她們為此感到內疚，希望作出改變，開始

思索自己的前途。

女性在囚人士初次與臨床心理學家見面時都懷着不同的期望和

心態。有些人對心理評估和治療十分抗拒，表現反覆；有些人

想改變但有所保留，未能相信臨床心理學家，不敢坦白；有人

終於找到抒發的機會，不禁放聲大哭，盡情傾訴。臨床心理學

家通過面談和鼓勵，漸漸誘導她們明白自己的心理需要，提高

她們改變的動力，也讓她們對臨床心理學家建立信任，願意打

開心窗，逐步探討問題並作出改變。

治療中，她們發現情緒困擾的背後可以有很多原因和處理方

法：對待同一件事，不同的想法可以帶來不同的情緒；以不同

的觀點和想法回應別人的評論，情緒和自信心也會有所不同；

遇上困擾，面對和解決問題比逃避更有效；面對壓力，設法放

鬆自己也不失為一個相對平靜的處理方法；至於過往的創傷，

改變對創傷的想法和反應，能令它變得不再可怕……

然而，要她們踏出身處的安全地帶，作出改變，談何容易？開

始時她們覺得不適應，又或是處理情緒的技巧還未夠成熟，以

致情緒狀況反覆。對此，她們會抱怨，甚至想放棄。轉變需要

時間和不斷的練習，遇上新衝擊時甚至會再跌倒。在跌跌碰碰

中，她們耐心地嘗試實踐和強化在治療過程中學到的技巧和方

法，讓自己和別人都感受到她們的轉變。

在這章節中，女性在囚人士透過圖畫表達她們於在囚期間對過

去的反思、掙扎和開始轉變的過程，讓大眾更了解她們的心路

歷程。

轉變 Transformation

31

迷失的我沒有正確方向，不知該往哪裡走，感到十

分徬徨。在走過許多冤枉路、耽誤了許多時間之

後，我只想站在原地。感恩的是身邊有很多人給我

伸出援手，令迷惘的我在交叉路口重拾信心，重新

訂下目標，不再浪費時間。現在我開著綠燈勇往直

前。回望過去，一切也是值得的。

紅 綠 燈

臨床心理學家的話：

她的爸爸是一個酒鬼和賭鬼，每次酗酒回來就會發生家暴，不是追打媽媽要錢，就是暴打她出氣，令她的童年留下很大創傷。由於缺乏安全感，媽媽也是金錢掛帥，「講金」不「講心」。她形容自己被看作櫃員機，因此自小就走偏門要賺大錢，一方面為了母親，另一方面為了讓自己可以瘋狂購物，發洩痛苦的情緒。 入獄後，她自暴自棄，由100磅暴食至170磅，面目全非。她在情緒的谷底時尋求心理治療，我就這樣開始成為她的臨床心理學家。在數年間，她非常積極地走出陰影，重建正確的價值觀。更難得的是她以生命影響父母，令他們也作出改變。 她以優異的表現提早獲釋，我也為她的蛻變而喝彩！

一直以來，我只得一個軀殼，靈魂卻被鎖住了，思

想也被鎖住了。我從來沒跟任何人提起我的過去，

我把自己的一切放進了夾萬，但是我找不到夾萬鑰

匙，無法從夾萬裡走出來。我不想再逃避，終於我

找到一把「萬能匙」—— 我的心理學家為我解開了

多年的心鎖。

心，被鎖在夾萬

32

圖中的女孩是我，我為別人的眼光而活。畫面灰暗，

圖中的人並無五官，因為在「觀眾」面前，我不得不隱

藏自己，直到連自己的長相也開始忘記。我被別人的眼

光捆綁，根據「觀眾」想看到的動作而擺動。假如割斷

綁在我身上的牽線，我便會像木偶一樣倒臥地上。另一

方面，連我看自己也是模糊不清的，此刻要依賴牽線「

生存」。沒想過這樣的服從只會令自己更迷失。在瀰漫

的濃霧中，觀眾所拋下的鮮花也只是一堆暗淡無光的廢

物。

甘 願 捆 綁

從小我就已經很介意別人怎樣看自己，我會為別人的眼光

而活。在我的世界中，身邊的人是彩色的，而我卻往往會

遺忘自己。圖中的我終於有了色彩，而身邊的過路人，是

男是女也難以分別、模糊不清。這正是我想要的：我很想

認清自己，做自己喜歡的事，不再需要花精力在身邊無關

痛癢的人身上。我看著畫中的自己——終於，我「專注」

於我自己了！

專注自我

臨床心理學家的話：

她原來是一個積極向學的女孩，可惜因長相「狡猾」，不 斷 被 老 師 誤 會 為 滋 事 學生。她努力學習，吸毒的父母又說讀書沒有用處。她努力做個好品格的孩子，親戚們卻早斷定由於她的父母「壞」，她也不會有好品行。無論她多努力，她的付出都被人否定，所以她決定不再追求自己的目標，順着別人的「期望」做事──別人覺得 她 壞 ， 她 就 當 個 壞 女 孩吧 ！ 儘 管 高 中 時 考 到 獎 學金，她也因為心灰意冷放棄了升學機會，放棄了從前的目標，不再知道自己為何而活。 在 院 所 中 接 受 心 理 治 療 期間，她認識到自己的情緒和想法，以及家庭背景和成長經歷對她的影響。透過不同練習，她嘗試表達自己的想法。在朋友和臨床心理學家的引導下，她回顧自己過去做得到的事，漸漸發掘出自己的強項，明白到別人對她的期望和評價不一定是最準確和合適的。她開始重新發現 自 己 對 繪 畫 和 設 計 的 興趣，並且著手寫作，作品更深受院所內朋友的欣賞。這些興趣和才能為她帶來成功感 ， 她 逐 步 找 回 自 己 的 價值。

33

過去有很多執著，總是放不下，而且永遠在

同一件事上兜圈。我現在慢慢學懂打開自己

的心窗，與人分享說出自己的事情，並且讓

人進入我的心。希望我可以持之以恆，走出

這個困局。

出 走

臨床心理學家的話：

她一直覺得自己被遺棄和不被愛，害怕被傷害而不願與別人分享自己的想法。小時候，姐姐討厭她，更說她的出生是一個意外，本來就不應該存在。之後在她最需要關心時又被媽媽趕出家門。可幸的是，當媽媽知道她入獄後，定期探望她，讓她開始感受到關心和被愛。透過心理治療，她逐步改變對母親的偏見，踏出第一步，嘗試與母親溝通。在對話中，她明白媽媽雖然曾經對她冷淡，但當中原來雙方都有誤解，因而令關係僵化。母親其實很愛她，也後悔以往的決定。她被遺棄的感覺逐漸減少，更多感受到的是被愛。

34

我覺得經常有個框框困住自己，框內的我活

在痛苦之中，思想灰暗，愁容滿面，充滿憂

慮和迷惘。另一方面，我也有自己嚮往的框

外人生。那裡色彩繽紛，簡單的生活已可帶

來喜樂。要衝破自己的心魔，穿越自己建立

的圍牆才可使盼望實現。所以我正努力接受

心理治療，希望很快可以從新展現笑容。

從 心 開 始

臨床心理學家的話：

從小被家人貶低，加上有個能幹的姐姐，相比之下，她自覺一無是處，自尊心極低。入獄前，她長期濫用藥物，很迷失，人生沒有目標，沒有動力。在治療期間，她發現自己原來有不少長處，例如：她做事很有效率、守信用、樂於助人、能學習新事物等。她的自信心慢慢提升，亦開始思考她想要的生活和方向：穩定的關係、一份正職、專注在信仰上的成長……

35

因為患病的緣故，我對自己的人生有很多反

思。人生中太多事情被自己建立的圍牆一直

封鎖著。過去因為家人和朋友的謊言、機心

和執著，令我埋藏自己，更經常說謊。但疾

病讓我知道珍惜。我要擊碎這道牆，用心去

面對人生日後更多的挑戰。這樣，我才能走

更遠的路。縱使圍牆不易擊碎，但我相信仍

然可能。

面 對

臨床心理學家的話：

她在獄中不斷出現怪病，經檢查後發現是腫瘤。她開始反思：她本來與家人關係一般，但由於與家人和其他人

相處時受過傷害，所以她不願與人分享，甚至說謊，以為這樣可以避免承受更多創傷。在心理治療過程中，她

尋找生命的意義，發現家人和朋友對她的重要性。在討論她以往與家人的關係時，她發現家人雖然曾經對她冷

漠，但也有不少真誠關心她的時刻。她入獄後，家人更加着緊她。她嘗試學習溝通技巧，逐步與家人和朋友分

享，尋找支持，學懂互相關心和遷就，彼此珍惜。

希 望

36

我希望得到自由。曾有一位囚友由

甲類在囚人士轉為乙類在囚人士，

刑期縮短了，很快就可以離開懲教

所，我當然替她高興。但我同時提

醒自己：我仍屬甲類，釋放無期。

我的心情複雜：第一，難捨友誼；

第二，自己要繼續留在這裡。鐵窗

內的小鳥代表我，渴望可以像外面

天空中的鳥兒一樣，自由飛翔！

希 望

臨床心理學家的話：

當被判終身監禁時，她覺得自己的人生一片黑暗，沒有將來，沒有希望，更萌生過自殺的念頭。接受心理治療後，她漸漸適應懲教所的生活，心情較為平靜。但每當看見有確定釋放日期的在囚人士倒數在懲教所的餘下日子時，便會感到落寞和孤單。她仍能保持積極的態度，實屬難得。現在她最希望的是長期監禁刑罰覆核委員會考慮她的良好表現，早日給她一個釋放的日子。

37

畫這一幅畫當天，我的媽媽剛來探望我。我感到很

被愛，覺得媽媽很偉大 (這是媽媽第一次獨自前來)。

我是一株苗，她是一棵由苗變成的樹。其實可以這樣

說：她在成長的同時，也在孕育著我的成長，好像一

個循環，使人覺得十分溫暖。我想起《聖經》裡面一

個關於播種的故事：有些種子撒到地上成不了苗，有

些撒到鬆散的泥土上，令苗長得不夠茁壯，但有些種

子被撒到好的泥土上，令苗可以很好地成長。我很感

恩，我就是生長在好泥土上的種子！

孕 育

臨床心理學家的話：

年輕的單親媽媽因為誤信生意伙伴，觸犯「洗黑錢」的法例，被判入獄2年6個月。在面對調查及審訊的數年間，她由獨立自主的女性，逐漸變成自我封閉的焦慮症病人。接受心理治療後，她開始學習面對自己的情緒，願意分享和表達自己的想法和感受，明白到勇於面對自己的弱點，才能突破固有的心理障礙。最後她尋回自信，並接受家人對她的關心，重過新生。

38

畫中的心代表我和兒子，左邊代表以前

我對兒子的負面想法和情緒。但兒子日

漸成長及離開院所後，在外面也過著很

好的生活，使我開始產生很多正面的想

法。

兒子因有先天性心漏病，令我覺得很無

助和擔心。但經過醫生的解釋和姑娘的

開解，又眼見他慢慢健康地成長，我的

擔憂減少了很多，對其他事情也有了正

面的想法和情緒。

人生有很多不同的事情發生，可以用不

同的角度去看，從而產生不同的情緒。

我以前對人很猜疑。發生衝突時，我會

很快下判斷，感到很消極無助，覺得自

己很孤單。在院所裡的成長及經歷，令

我了解不同人的想法。我發現當我了解

她們的時候，我會包容及關心她們，和

她們的關係自然會融洽很多。

選 擇

臨床心理學家的話：

她成長於小康之家，沒想過自己會被朋友陷害而入獄。她大著肚子入獄，男友卻因她入獄而離開她。面對突如其來的轉變，她患上了適應障礙和失眠，亦變得緊張。 在家人的支持和心理治療下，她開始把重擔與家人分擔，又改變了負面的想法。加上兒子的健康情況有所改善，與她建立起密切的關係，令她的情緒得以改善。同時，她努力重建對他人的信任，擴大支持網絡。現在，她擔心少了，笑容多了。

39

黑夜揚帆即使遇到驚濤駭浪，我也不會害怕，因為爸爸就像

遠方的燈塔，總會為我導航。他曾常對我說：「如果你覺得

今天最糟糕，那麼明天一定會較好。黑暗與風暴過後，便會

有晴天。」所以，即使在狂風暴雨中沉船，我都不會絕望。

我相信只要我努力往前游，一定能到達陸地，而那裡總會有

風和日麗的一天。

小 島臨床心理學家的話：

她曾經不相信讀書的好處，但受到父親啟發，最終完成大學課程，並成為一位專業人士。父親於她而言是大海中的燈塔，亦是人生中的良師益友。當她被朋友拖累入獄時，她滿心歉疚，愧對當時已超過90歲高齡的父親。最終，父親在她被囚期間去世，她在獄中受著錐心之痛。在心理治療的過程中，她畫了三幅畫，左面的是第一幅，她形容自己墮入了黑漆漆的大海，失去希望，也失去了生存的動力。在哀傷輔導中，她回想父親的託付，於是她奮力游向岸邊，這是她在右邊所畫的第二幅畫。在治療的結尾，她畫了正中的第三幅畫，畫中的她放下過去、放過自己、活在當下，她決定積極去面對人生，來回報父親的愛。

40

黑暗邊緣下的曙光

人總會有黑暗的時候，會遇

到「四面圍牆」的情況。但

環境再差，情況再壞，只要

能夠擁有一個小空間，就在

那小空間內燃點希望吧。雖

然那細小的窗口只可讓你望

見半點星光，但懷著希望、

期待的你，終於能夠走出困

境。當你耐心等待，你會看

見那點星光，為自己綻放一

場流星雨。

臨床心理學家的話：

在心理治療的過程中，她發現兒時的陰影扭曲了自己的信念，使她總認為「別人會遺棄我」，最後更以吸毒去忘記痛苦。 她說：「我一直停留在『小朋友』的階段，活在過去當中。現在我成長了，不會因為怕被遺棄而依附別人。相反，我享受獨立，有自己的生活空間。」 雖然在獄中度過漫長的歲月，但她並沒有浪費時間，反而努力去改變自己。現在，她學懂多方面思考，明白問題不會只得一個答案，會考慮後果，減少妄動，選擇以理性方式去解決問題。此外，她說昨天的傷痛已成過去，現在要珍惜擁有的一切，並與爸媽重建關係。對於將來，她從迷惘變為滿有目標。她清楚自己熱愛老人服務，有一份難得的耐性，因此她打算離所後去學習老人護理，並且打算下半生為老人服務，回饋社會。

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Words from her Clinical Psychologist:She was a South American. She felt abandoned by her family and her husband in the past. She suffered from depression and had a suicidal history. One day, she was tempted to traffic drugs with a street value of several million dollars. She accepted the offer as she wanted to prove to her family and friends that she was competent and was able to earn a lot of money. During her remand, she was angry at herself about making a wrong decision and committing the offence. More than 15 years’ imprisonment was expected and she worried that her family members would die during her incarceration. With psychiatric and psychological treatments, she gradually rebuilds her family relationship, finds meaning in her life and accepts her present situation.

We can always choose between good and evil in our lives. Sometimes it is difficult to choose but you learn to do it with time. I was very angry and sad about my situation but at the same time I did not forget that I was a good person. As I believe in God, I asked for His guidance and I found the answer. I was not perfect but, day by day, I tried my best to do good things and help those in need. Salvation is the answer and you can find peace inside you.

Good and Evil

My body is DeadThis drawing shows the pain I felt in my first month of imprisonment. It seemed that my heart had been ripped out. The pain I felt was very strong as if I had died. But my brain was still active and I hoped my body could return to life finally.

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Words from her Clinical Psychologist:

She was a single mother from Russia. She experienced a lot of traumas in her home country. She escaped to Hong Kong and was arrested due to breach of condition of stay. In prison, she suffered from a number of adjustment problems. She was also confused about her future. With counselling, she became emotionally stable and was able to set clear goals for her future. Instead of drowning in her own sorrow, she started taking practical ways to protect herself and her daughter. She becomes hopeful again.

You still have a chance to close this door and open another.

Think before You Act

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Words from her Clinical Psychologist:

Before admission into prison, she had been depressed for years. She had attempted suicide by hanging due to her husband’s extra-marital affairs. After she had been arrested, she continued to be suicidal for some time. However, I saw that she was changing gradually with insights and resilience. She said that she no longer lived for her husband. Her life philosophy has changed. Now, she sets new life goals and builds pathways to achieve them. I am so glad that she finally knows how to nurture herself and treasure life.

My life was broken and no one could help me. When I looked at this tree, I wanted to commit suicide there. Why did I draw this picture today? I want to remind myself that life would not be the same if I had died. If I had died, I would never see this world again and I could not feel the wonderful love from my family anymore. Killing myself doesn’t settle my problems. My life is important for my children and their future. I want to be a good person and be a good mother to take care of them. I will work and study to start a new life. My life will not be the same.

Die or not Die

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Words from her Clinical Psychologist:

She was a Filipino who claimed that she was framed for an index offence. Hence, there was a lot of anger and sense of injustice in her. She was highly irritable and had numerous heated quarrels with others. She resorted to filing complaints to release her annoyance and dissatisfaction. It took her a year before she noticed how her rage has turned her into a disagreeable person. She decided that it’s time for her to change.

I had drawn 2 versions of my life. The one on the left has a black background. It is black because I have lost my freedom. Another side of my life was bright and radiant. It is presented on the other half of my drawing. Even though I am in prison, I still feel blessed. I am thankful for the love and support from my family. Making friends is another joy inside the prison. While I am serving my sentence, I educate myself what life really is about. As the saying goes, “Life gives me a lemon, I will make lemonade out of it.”

Where is My Freedom?

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Words from her Clinical Psychologist:

PICs who face a life sentence are uncertain about when they can reunite with their families. They can get frustrated easily, become hopeless and overwhelmed by negative thoughts. She, nevertheless, had a strong spiritual faith and appreciated support from the clinical psychologist and correctional staff. Now, she found peace in her mind and used her inner strengths to tackle penal adjustment problems, adapt herself to present situations and strive to achieve her goals.

Butterflies represent the transformation process in all of us here and also the potentials we have, to transform our minds to trust that God will lead us to a greater freedom. I love to draw flowers because they represent growth in life. God wants us to not just go through our lives, but to grow through our lives. So in turn, we must trust God to lead us through our failures and sufferings towards growth and renewal. Peace is not the absence of war around you. Peace is the absence of war within you.

Butterflies are Free

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