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FALL 2012

In This Issue of DFQ

Lori and Linda make Woman's DayComforting the Soul - Autumn doesn't have to mean fallMake a Memory Box for the Holidays - Sign up for a workshopSOS for grieving military families - You will never be forgottenHealing Tears - Son seems "fine" after Dad's deathSave-the-date for Holiday Remembrance CeremoniesSpecial Meetings - Inspirational stories of donationNews from LifeNet Health Florida

Linda and Lori make Woman's Day

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If you heard them speak at the In Celebration and Remembranceceremony in Richmond, you may recognize these two incredible womenfeatured in the August 2012 issue of Woman's Day. Donor mothers Lori Wyatt and Linda Kennedy had their incredibledonation and transplantation experiences documented nationally. It all started when Lori's son Nicholas died in1995. After years ofmourning, she trained as a LifeNet Health Grief Companion, hoping tohelp someone else on their grief journey. Lori was paired with LindaKennedy in 2009 after Linda's son John died. Lori helped Linda during those difficult early days of grief. The two formeda special bond. Lori helped Linda to "feel her pain" and eventually helpedher learn how to live and laugh again. Suddenly, Lori's health declined in 2010. Her kidneys were failing due toan undiagnosed genetic problem. Lori's doctor said she would need akidney transplant. Linda insisted on being tested to see if she could beLori's living kidney donor. Ultimately, Linda was the most suitable donor. The transplant took placein 2011 on Linda's birthday, February 1st. Both did great and today they'recloser than ever. Amazingly, these two incredible women may have nevermet if something terrible had not brought them together. To Lori and Linda, thank you for sharing your story of hope and

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compassion. May you have continued good health and many blessings!

Comforting the Soul: Autumn doesn't have to mean fall

We call autumn fall for the leaves falling during nature's transition towinter slumber. Fall is such a simple description of the season. But just asthe leaves change, so can our moods. Feelings like melancholy andlonging can sabotage our efforts to care for ourselves physically, mentallyand spiritually. The word fall can also mean to descend, to suffer, to be defeated, to failor to decline in quality. Who hasn't found themselves identifying withthese meanings while mourning the loss of a loved one? Sometimes it'seasier to fall than to be well, but taking care of yourself is essential tohonoring the memory of the one you love. Since everyone's grief is unique, self-care can begin by allowing yourselfto feel as many emotions as there are colors in the leaves. Giving yourselfthis permission doesn't mean you're falling. It means you're givingyourself the right to feel, to talk about your grief, to be silent, and to befully present in the moment. With all this emotion, don't forget to rest, eat well and take a balancedapproach to life. Fatigue is a sure way to fall. As C.S. Lewis said, "no oneever told me about the laziness of grief." He must have known the sheerexhaustion of grieving. To lessen the blows of grief, author, educator and grief counselor Dr. AlanWolfelt recommends:

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ExerciseLimiting fatty foodsQuitting smokingGetting plenty of sleepScheduling a physicalDrinking plenty of waterBuilding strong relationshipsLAUGHING

This autumn, think of it less as a time to fall, but more of a time of beautyand transition. Maybe even a time to nurture ourselves and our memories,just as mother earth nurtures herself and prepares for change.

Make a Memory Box for the Holidays

In anticipation of the holiday season,memory box workshops will be held atLifeNet Health regional offices acrossVirginia. Join with other donor families to createyour own personal shadow box in honorof your loved one.

Richmond - 3609 Saunders Avenue onFriday, October 12th from 5:00 pm to

7:00 pm

Roanoke - 1948 Franklin Road on Thursday, November 1st from 5:00pm to 7:00 pmVirginia Beach -1864 Concert Drive on Thursday, November 15thfrom 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm

To RSVP, email Tina Pierce or call 1-800-847-7831 ext. 4903. Please giveyour name, phone number, number of participants and which location youwould like to attend.

SOS for grieving military families

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We salute our veterans and their families for their sacrifice on Veterans'Day... and every day. Some have made the ultimate sacrifice forfreedom. You will never be forgotten. Survivor Outreach Services (SOS) is a support group for surviving familiesof military service members who have died in the line of duty. Call 1-804-734-6446, ext. 6388 or email Donna.Engeman@us.army.mil for moreinformation.

Healing Tears by Dr. Lani Leary

Dear Dr. Leary,My husband passed away July 10, 2012. It was our son's 24th birthday.I'm not sure how to handle his birthday next year. Our son seems finewith his Dad's passing. His Dad had been sick off and on for a long time. -- Kimberly

Dear Kimberly,My sincere condolences on the recent death of your husband. It soundslike your son may see his father's death as a release from a slow declineor chronic illness, and a relief to any suffering. When there ismeaningless pain associated with continued life, it is not uncommon tolook to death as a reprieve. Nevertheless, your son's feelings about hisfather's absence in his life will probably surface at different times in hislife. Your son may miss his father most acutely during family celebrations,life transition points, and anniversaries. Though your son "seems fine" after his father's recent death, your son'sgrief work may ebb and flow with different intensities depending on whatis happening in his life, and the support he needs. You can assist your sonbest by allowing whatever feelings emerge, and help him to express andmove the grief from his body. You know your son best, so encourage himin the way that is most authentic for him; that might be writing a song,running a race, or building a memorial bench. It sounds like you are concerned that his next birthday celebration not beconfused with the grief of his father's death. Perhaps the best way to"handle" the anniversaries is to acknowledge the complexity of life. Talkwith your son well before his next birthday and ask him his feelings, hisneeds, and his preferences. These may all change year to year. You willhonor him best by listening as he finds meaning to both events. And then

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you can help him commemorate both in ways that are most helpful to him. One of life's lessons may be that each event is separate anddistinguishable, yet when woven together can create a strong fabric for alife of compassion, empathy, and service. We can use our losses andsadness to bring more joy and meaning to our lives, and the lives ofothers. Your son's next birthday need not be one shrouded in sadness. Wouldn't it be an amazing birthday if you were to help him identify theways his father's life continues to bless and strength him, and the waysthat he is carrying his father in his heart?! Love lives on,

Lani

Dr. Leary is a psychologist and certified grief therapist who consults with LifeNet Health.Her responses reflect her professional opinion to general questions. Individualsstruggling with complicated grief are encouraged to seek the care of a professional.Please submit your questions to Robin Cowherd, LifeNet Health, 1864 Concert Drive,Virginia Beach, VA 23453, or visit Healing Tears at our website.

Save-the-date for Holiday Remembrance Ceremonies

Nights are getting cooler and football season is here. Before you know it,the holidays will be upon us. Take this time to remember your loved oneduring this bustling season. We hope you'll mark your calendars for theannual Holiday Remembrance Ceremony in your area.

Fredericksburg - Mary Washington Hospital's annual Angel TreeCelebration will be held on Friday, November 16th from 6:30 pm to8:00 pm at the Fick Conference Center Auditorium on the MaryWashington Hospital Campus. If you have any questions about theevent, please call Amy Dahart at 540-786-4092.Richmond - Donate Life Virginia will host their annual Tree of LifeCeremony at the UNOS building on Thursday, December 6th from5:00 pm to 7:00 pm. Please call Georganna Kelly at 1-800-847-7831ext. 4305 for more information.

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Roanoke - LifeNet Health Western Virginia and Old Dominion EyeFoundation (ODEF) will host the annual Holiday Tree ofRemembrance Ceremony at Hotel Roanoke on Sunday, December9th from 2:00 pm to 4:00 pm. Please call Tina Pierce at 1-800-847-7831 ext. 4903 for more information.

Special Meetings

Allen Simmons, at right, belovedhusband of Bonnie "Kay"Simmons, recently met JosephKing, recipient of his wife'sheart, in Charlottesville atCarmello's, Kay's favorite Italianrestaurant. If you attended lastyear's Holiday Tree Ceremony inRoanoke, you may recognize Joeas the guest speaker.

Leo Flaherty, donor father and double lungrecipient, and John Adair, also a lungtransplant recipient, shared theirinspirational donation stories with staff atFlagler Hospital in St. Augustine.

LifeNet Health Florida to host In Celebration &Remembrance Ceremony

LifeNet Health Florida will host their annual In Celebration &Remembrance Ceremony on Thursday, November 1st from 6:30 pm to8:00 pm at St. Francis Barracks Officer's Club in St. Augustine. An eventwill also be held in northwest Florida. Watch the mail for your invitation.

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Visit LifeNet Health's website for more grief and loss supportwww.healingthespirit.org