DOCUMENT RESUME ED 377 521 CS 214 699 TITLE …DOCUMENT RESUME ED 377 521 CS 214 699 TITLE 4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces. INSTITUTION Vermont State Dept. of Education, Montpelier

DOCUMENT RESUME

ED 377 521 CS 214 699

TITLE 4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces.INSTITUTION Vermont State Dept. of Education, Montpelier.PUB DATE 94

NOTE 45p.; For related documents, see CS 214 698-700.PUB TYPE Guides Non-Classroom Use (055)

EDRS PRICE MF01/PCO2 Plus Postage.DESCRIPTORS *Evaluation Methods; *Grade 4; Intermediate Grades;

Portfolio Assessment; Student Evaluation; *StudentWriting Models; *Writing (Composition); *WritingEvaluation

IDENTIFIERS *Vermont

ABSTRACTThe writing samples presented in this paper were

selected from the portfolios of fourth-grade Vermont students asexamples of the various points in Vermont's newly revised analyticwriting assessment guide. The benchmark writing pieces in the paper,when used with the analytic assessment guide that begins the paper,are guideposts for assessing student work. The paper presents fourbenchmark pieces for each of the five "dimensions" of writing:purpose, organization, details, voice or tone, andgrammar/usage/mechanics. Each benchmark piece is accompanied by achart indicating whether the piece extensively, frequently,sometimes, or rarely incorporates the five dimensions of writing. Astudent writing sample forms the cover pages for the paper. (RS)

************************************************************.e.::*%:.:...

Reproductions supplied by EDRS are the best that can be madefrom the original document.

********************************************************************

I

y.t ,00 ,(-014g,IATI4.E 4th Grade

WritingBenchmark Pieces

PERMISSION TO REPRODUCE THISMATERIAL HAS BEEN GRANTED BY

TO THE EDUCATIONAL RESOURCESINFORMATION CENTER (ERIC)"

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Purp

ose:

Pur

pose

ref

ers

toho

w a

dequ

atel

y th

e au

thor

's in

tent

is e

stab

lishe

d an

dm

aint

aine

d w

ithin

the

wri

ting.

The

pur

pose

shou

ld s

tand

on

its o

wn

with

in a

piec

e of

wri

ting,

and

not

be d

epen

dent

upo

n th

ere

ader

's k

now

ledg

e of

the

actu

al w

ritin

g

assi

gnm

ent.

"Pur

pose

" im

plie

sthe

pur

pose

with

in th

e w

iltin

g,ra

ther

than

the

purp

ose

ofth

e w

ritin

g. I

mpo

rtan

tfac

tors

that

may

con

trib

ute

toth

e au

thor

's s

ucce

ss in

esta

blis

hing

and

mai

ntai

ning

pur

pose

incl

ude:

con

sist

ent a

war

enes

sof

audi

ence

;

cons

iste

nt f

ocus

that

isap

prop

riat

e to

the

audi

ence

and

the

purp

ose.

Org

aniz

atio

n: O

rgan

izat

ion

isth

e de

gree

to w

hich

the

wri

,r:

wor

k ill

ustr

ates

uni

ty a

ndco

here

nce.

Wri

ting

that

disp

lays

"uni

ty"

does

not

leav

e id

eas

orin

form

atio

n ha

ngin

g; "

cohe

renc

e"ex

ists

whe

n se

nten

ces

are

logi

cally

and

cle

arly

rel

ated

to

one

anot

her,

and

appr

opri

ate

tran

sitio

ns m

ove

the

piec

e fo

rwar

d.

Det

ails

: Det

ails

con

trib

ute

toth

e de

velo

pmen

t of

idea

s,pr

ovid

e in

form

atio

n, e

voke

imag

es,a

nd e

labo

rate

or

clar

ify

the

cont

ent

of th

e w

ritin

g. W

hen

deta

ils a

re "

elab

orat

ed,"

they

are

not

sim

ply

liste

d: th

ey a

dvan

ceth

e pu

rpos

e of

the

wri

ting!

Voi

ce o

r T

one:

Voi

ce is

the

pers

onal

ity o

f a

piec

eof

wri

ting.

Ton

e is

the

attit

ude

tow

ard

the

subj

ect,

and

shou

ld v

ary

acco

rdin

g

to a

udie

nce,

pur

pose

, gen

rean

d fo

rm. F

or e

xam

ple,

ape

rson

al n

arra

tive

may

hav

e a

com

pelli

ng v

oice

and

a r

esea

rch

pape

r

may

hav

e an

enga

ging

tone

; bot

h ca

nre

flec

t the

per

sona

l inv

olve

men

tand

cho

ice

of th

e au

thor

. One

way

to c

heck

for

voi

ce

is to

rea

d a

piec

eal

oud:

doe

s it

have

aco

nver

satio

nal t

one,

or

a se

nse

ofun

ique

Inv

olve

men

t? I

nlo

okin

g fo

r ap

prop

riat

e

tone

, ask

whe

ther

the

wri

ting

proj

ects

a s

ense

of a

utho

rity

or

a st

ance

that

is c

onsi

sten

t to

the

wri

ting'

s pu

rpos

e.

Gra

mm

ar/U

sage

/Mec

hani

cs:

the

conv

entio

ns o

f w

ritin

g.In

son

ic c

ases

, the

wri

ter

may

inte

ntio

nally

dep

art f

rom

conv

entio

nal E

nglis

h; w

here

such

dep

artu

re is

eff

ectiv

e,th

e w

rite

r m

ay b

e ju

dged

to"s

how

com

man

d of

GA

YM

."W

here

laps

es f

rom

con

vent

iona

lEng

lish

are

not i

nten

tiona

l,th

e re

ader

sho

uld

look

for

pat

tern

s.A

sin

gle

wor

d,m

issp

elle

d on

ce

or th

roug

hout

api

ece

of w

ritin

g, c

ount

s as

asi

ngle

err

or; w

hen

seve

ral

wor

ds a

re m

issp

elle

d, a

"pat

tern

of

erro

rs"

is n

oted

.

Sim

ilarl

y, a

sin

gle

type

ofp

unct

uatio

n er

ror

thro

ugho

ut a

piec

e sh

ould

cou

nt a

s a

sing

le e

rror

; a v

arie

ty o

fpun

ctua

tion

erro

rs

cons

titut

es a

"pa

ttern

."W

ritin

g at

the

"som

etim

es"

leve

l has

err

ors

that

"di

stra

ct"

the

read

erno

te th

at th

ese

are

erro

rs

of G

ram

mar

/Lis

age/

Mec

hani

cs,no

t of

orga

niza

tion

or p

urpo

se.

In a

"ra

rely

" pi

ece,

the

GA

IN e

rror

s no

t onl

ydi

stra

ct, t

hey

inte

rfer

e w

ith th

e re

ader

'sun

ders

tand

ing

of th

e w

ritin

g.

3

n

Ver

mon

tWri

ting

Ass

essm

ent

Ana

lytic

Ass

essm

entG

uide

In a

sses

sing

,co

nsid

er...

Ask

how

cons

iste

ntly

,re

lativ

e to

leng

th a

ndco

mpl

exity

...

Ext

ensi

vely

Freq

uent

ly

Purp

ose

..ho

w a

dequ

atel

y in

tent

and

focu

s ar

c es

tabl

ishe

d an

dm

aint

aine

d (s

ucce

ss in

this

crite

rion

sho

uld

not

depe

nd o

n

the

read

er's

kno

wle

dge

of th

e

wri

ting

assi

gnm

ent:

the

wri

ting

shou

ld s

tand

on

its o

wn)

inte

nt is

est

ablis

hed

and

mai

ntai

ned

with

in a

giv

enpi

ece

of w

ritin

g

Org

aniz

atio

n

..coh

eren

ce.

whe

ther

idea

s or

info

rmat

ion

are

in lo

gica

l seq

uenc

e or

mov

e

the

piec

e fo

rwar

dw

heth

er s

ente

nces

and

imag

esar

e cl

earl

y re

late

d to

each

oth

er(I

nden

ting

para

grap

hs is

am

atte

r

of G

ram

mar

/Usa

ge/M

echa

nics

)

the

wri

ting

dem

onst

rate

sco

here

nce

Det

ails

whe

ther

det

ails

dev

elop

idea

s

or in

form

atio

n_w

heth

er d

etai

ls e

labo

rate

or

clar

ify

the

cont

ent o

f th

ew

ritin

g

with

imag

es, c

aref

ulex

plan

atio

n,

effe

ctiv

e di

alog

ue, p

aren

thet

ical

expr

essi

ons,

sta

ge d

irec

tions

.et

c

deta

ils c

ontr

ibut

e to

deve

lopm

ent

of id

eas

and

info

rmat

ion,

evok

e

imag

es o

r ot

herw

ise

elab

orat

eor

clar

ify

the

cont

ent o

f th

ew

ritin

g

Voi

ce o

r T

one

..whe

ther

the

wri

ting

disp

lays

a n

atur

al s

tyle

,ap

prop

riat

e to

the

narr

ator

or w

heth

er th

e to

neof

the

wri

ting

is a

ppro

pria

teto

its

cont

ent

an a

ppro

pria

te v

oice

or

lone

is e

stab

lishe

dan

d

mai

ntai

ned

Gra

nuna

r/U

sage

/Nie

chan

ics

the

conv

entio

ns o

fwri

ting.

incl

udin

g

'Gra

mm

ar (

e.g.

sen

tenc

e st

ruct

ure.

synu

x)'U

sage

(e.

g. a

gree

men

t and

wor

d

choi

ce)

°Mec

hani

cs (

e g

Spoi

ling,

capi

taliz

a

lion,

pun

ctua

tion)

As

appr

opri

ate

togr

ade

leve

l.

com

man

d of

con

vent

ions

is e

vide

nt.

thro

ugh

corr

ect E

nglis

h or

inte

ntio

nal.

effe

ctiv

e de

part

ure

from

conv

entio

ns

Est

ablis

hes

and

mai

ntai

ns a

clea

r

purp

ose

and

focu

s,

Est

ablis

hes

a pu

rpos

e an

dfo

cus.

f

Org

aniz

ed f

rom

beg

inni

ng to

end,

logi

cal p

rogr

essi

onof

idea

s,

flue

nt a

nd c

oher

ent.

Org

aniz

atio

n m

oves

wri

ting

forw

ard

with

few

laps

es in

unity

or c

oher

ence

.

Is a

utho

r's f

ocus

clea

rw

ithin

the

wri

ting?

INoI

Som

etim

es A

ttem

ptsto

est

ablis

h a

purp

ose;

focu

s of

wri

ting

isno

t ful

ly c

lear

.

Rar

ely

Purp

ose

and

focu

s no

tapp

aren

t.

IYes

Det

ails

are

per

tinen

t, vi

vid

orex

plic

it an

d pr

ovid

e id

eas/

info

rmat

ion

in d

epth

.

Det

ails

dev

elop

idea

s/in

form

atio

n:

or d

etai

ls a

reel

abor

ated

.

Doe

s th

e or

gani

zatio

nm

ore

the

wri

tingf

orw

ard?

IN

oI

Lap

sc(s

) in

org

aniz

atio

n af

fect

unity

or

cohe

renc

e.

Yes

Dis

tinct

ive

pers

onal

expr

essi

on o

r di

stin

ctiv

eto

ne e

nhan

ces

the

wri

ting.

Est

ablis

hes

pers

onal

ex-

pres

sion

or

effe

ctiv

e to

ne.

Do

deta

ils e

nhan

cean

d/or

cla

rify

tbe

wri

ting?

Seri

ous

erro

rs in

org

aniz

atio

nm

ake

wri

ting

diff

icul

t to

follo

w.

1Yes

iC

an y

ou b

ear

thew

riter

?O

n is

the

tone

effe

ctii.

e?

Det

ails

lack

ela

bora

tion,

mer

ely

liste

d or

unn

eces

sari

lyre

petit

ious

.

Det

ails

are

min

imal

,in

appr

opri

ate,

or r

ando

m.

IN

o

Atte

mpt

s pe

rson

alex

pres

sion

or

appr

opri

ate

tone

.

Pers

onal

exp

ress

ion

or a

ppro

pria

teto

ne n

otev

iden

t.

NO

NS

CO

RA

BIE

is il

legi

ble:

i.e.

,in

clud

es s

o m

any

inde

ciph

erab

le w

ords

that

no

sens

e ca

n be

mad

eof

the

writ

ing,

or

* is

inco

here

nt: i

.e.,

wor

ds a

re le

gibl

e bu

t syn

tax

Is s

o ga

rble

d th

at r

espo

nse

mak

es n

o se

nse,

or

* is

a b

lank

pie

ce o

f pap

er*

For

Por

tfolio

: Doe

sno

t hav

e re

qui,

edm

inim

um c

onte

nts

Few

or

no e

rror

s pr

esen

t, or

depa

rtur

es f

rom

con

yntim

app

ear

inte

ntio

nal a

nd a

re e

ffec

tive

Som

e er

rors

or

patte

rns

of e

rror

s

are

pres

ent

tic's

Doe

s tr

iling

sho

wgr

ade

- ap

prop

riate

com

man

d of

G,IL

V,1

1?

No

Num

erou

s er

rors

arc

app

aren

tan

d

may

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trac

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rend

er.

Err

ors

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rfer

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ithun

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0199

.1 V

erm

ont D

epar

tmen

tof

Edu

catio

n

4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces

Introduction

T he writing samples that follow were selected from the portfoliosof fourth grade Vermont students as examples of the variouspoints on Vermont's newly-revised analytic writing assessmentguide. These benchmark writing pieces, when used with the

analytic assessment guide, are guideposts for assessing student work.

The Vermont Department of Education expresses its deep gratitude to theanonymous student authors of the following pieces, and to their teachersand parents for granting us permission to publish these works.

The Department also wishes to recognize the considerable efforts of itswriting network leaders and especially to thank those network leaderswho served on the 1994 benchmarking committees:

Fourth GradeBetty BoudreauSusan CollinsNioka HoustonJeanne KorstangeShayne TrubiszAnn RexSusan Biggam

Eighth GradeAndrew GreenHasse HalleyGordon KorstangeIrina MarkovaJoyce RoofJoan SimmonsMimi BrailsfordGeof Hewitt

7

2


Table of Contents


Benchmarks for "Purpose"5 Fuzzy Shadow7 Printers9 The Seaturtle King10 Christmas in Italy

Benchmarks for "Organization"13 Grandfather's Boat15 Sugar16 The Most Money I've Ever Found18 Elf

Benchmarks for "Details"22 Reading23 We Became Friends24 The Wilderness26 Macaroni and Cheese

Benchmarks for "Voice or Tone"28 Riboflavin29 Rhythum and Shoes30 The Great Closet Discovery32 The Box

Benchmarks for"Grammar/Usage/Mechanics"35 Oldest Brother37 Mr. Botts38 Rhythem and Shoes39 The Rage of Clue

8

3


PurposeIn assessing, ...how adequately intent and

consider... focus arc established andmaintained (success in thiscriterion should not depend onthe reader's knowledge of thewriting assignment: thewriting should stand on itsown)

Ask how consistently, intent is established and

relative to length and maintained within a given

complexity... piece of writing

Extensively Establishes and maintains aclear purpose and focus.

Frequently Establishes a purpose andfocus.

Yes

Is author's focus clearwithin the writing?

No 1

Sometimes Attempts to establish apurpose; focus of writing isnot fully clear.

Rarely Purpose and focus notapparent.

0

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Fuzzy shadowP- It's possible to figure out that this is about a horse, but it is very confusing. Not anapparent focus to the piece.

0- Not easily followed. Sentences and images are not clearly related to each other. Use of"Hey" seems to signal a jump, but it doesn't help the reader.

G/U/M Some errors, but they do not distract the reader.

Fuzzy ShadowOrganization Details Voice or Tone G/U/MPurpose

Extensively

Frequently VSometimes V VRarely Purpose and

focus notapparent

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Printers11- Writer seems to have a purpose (describing printers), but the focus is definitely not clwr

is the point here to inform, to entertain or to compare?

GUM- S Numerous errors relative to length; they do distract

PrintersPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone GAVIVI

Extensively

Frequently

Sometimes Attempts to estab-lish a purpose;focus of writing isnot fully clear

4/

Rarely

8


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The Seaturtle KingP- The poem has a purpose creating a murky atmosphere and describing the threat of the sea turtle tothe other creatures of the sea. The focus of the poem is not fully clear to some readers without rereading.

0- Writing moves forward, but the first stanza has some lapses that affect coherence (Hawaii... squid)

GAIN- Inconsistent use of punctuation. Handwriting might bias/distract the reader a little, but F (not S)because &WM errors do not distract the reader..

The Seaturtle KingPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone G/U/M

Extensively

l- requently

Sometimes

Rarely

Establishes apurpose andfocus

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15

10


Christmas in ItalyP- Establishes and maintains a clear purpose and focus onItalian ancestors' Christmas celebration. Although the description is not elaborated andsophisticated, the piece achieves what it set out to do meets the descriptors for E.

0- Ideas flow well to support author's purpose and focus.

WI- Effective tone but not distinctive.

G&W- Verb tense changes toward the end; inappropriate use of semicolon, some spellingerrors but writing is easily understood without distraction.

Christmas in Italy .

Purpose Organization Details Voice or Tone G/ IM

Extensively Establishes andmaintains a clearpurpose and focus

V

Frequently V V VSometimes

Rarely


OrganizationIn assessing,

consider...

Ask howconsistently,

relative to lengthand complexity...

...coherence:...whether Ideas or informationare In logical sequence or movethe piece forward...whether sentences and imagesare clearly related to each other(Indenting paragraphs is a matterof Grammar/Usage/Mechanics)

the writing demonstrates coher-ence

Extensively

Frequently

Organized from beginning toend, logical progression of ideas,fluent and coherent.

Organization moves writingforward with few lapses in unityor coherence.

Sometimes

1 Yes

Does the organizationmove the writing

forward?

I No I

Lapse(s) in organization affectunity or coherence.

Rarely Serious errors In organizationmake writing difficult to follow.

1r

12


Grandfather's Boat

When I when't to the bot I when't ofthe weekend.It is my grandfather's

Il nItC,Inl1m1n t11Gn 'n Lhnt T came home

monday Aug.30,1993.My grafatherdrovethe bot.I when't with my sisterJessica,my gradmother andgrandfather.The bot is in alake.We werein New York.We were in port henre.Whenwe got there we when't swimming.[when't nightswimming with gramna andpapa.And of cors my sister Jessica.Wewere in the water most of the time.Thehot staytes at mereno bowey 39.1 alsowwoks every night before we when't tobed.We when't to the store and got hotfog sundays.We alsow so a paper millit is a huge gray bilding.That is whatthe paper mill locks like.At night thepaper mill is all lite up.1t lock'smuch prettyer when it is all liteup?There is slot of smoke that camesout of the paper mill.The paper mill is

somthing that makes paper.That is whereall the paper comes from.The papermill really smells bad.We drove to theMereno.The hot was all ready there.Thenwe put are logige In and my grafatherdrove the hot to port henry.On sundaywe got hot fug sondays.We walk up tothe ice cream store.lhe Ice cream storewas near Kmart.I really like myOrandparents.They are my Momus

)4.parints.We were in lake ShampePlain.First we were in Vermont then onthe hot we crost under the New York

WA, brige.Then we went to port henery.Mygrandparints own the bot.The hot isreally hig.It is red,white and blue.Youcan sleep on the hot.We whent on schoolvecashin.My Mom and Dad had to work.

THE END ?


Grandfather's Boat0- Serious errors in organization make it very difficult to follow. Reader needs more informa-'ion to have piece move forward to follow the writer's ideas. This is a clear example ofserious errors in organization.

D- Details are present, but lack elaboration and don't contribute to the development of ideas,information. Some repetition.

Grandfather's BoatPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone GAM

Extensively

Frequently

Sometimes d V 1/

Rarely

Serious errors inorganization makewriting difficult to follow

61/

]3

14


SugarP- P- Writer's purpose involves reporting about sugar, but focus is not clear effects? benefits?description?

0- Each sentence relates to the topic but sequencing is weak. Sentences shift back and forthbetween facts about sugar and effects of sugar.

G/II/M- Relative to length, there are some errors here (commas, subject/verb agreement), butnot distracting.

SugarPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone G/U/A4

Extensively

Frequently

Sometimes

Rarely

Lapse(s) in organizationaffect unity or coherence

15

2 0 BES1 COPY AVAILABLE


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21

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Most Money0- Easily followed. but there are a few lapses. Dialogue sometimes confusing and 90t wellconnected to what precedes/follows it.

1)- Details help to clarify, and do develop the ideas of the piece. Details might be calledunelaborated in this piece, but they seem to work well because they fit with the somewhatbreathless tone.

ViT- Personal expression; good choice of nouns, descriptive verbs as well as realistic dialogue.

GLUM- Paragraphing missing, comma errors but they do not distract the reader.

Most MoneyPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone GAVIVI

Extensively

Frequently veWriting moves forwardwith kw lapses in unityor coherence

V V

Sometimes

Rarely


2,118

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0- Complex story. Dialogue is fluent and connected well supports the focus of the story.

G/1.1/M- Errors that are present are incidental in view of the complexity of this piece.

ElfPurpose Organization Details Voice or Ibne GAIN

Extensively ,ir Organized from beginningto end, logical progressionof Ideas, fluent Andcohesive

gool

Frequently

Sometimes

Rarely

2520

BEST COPY AVAILABLE


DetailsIn assessing,

consider...



...whether details develop ideasor information...whether details elaborate orclarify the content of the writingwith images, careful explanation,effective dialogue, parentheticalexpressions, stage directions, etc.

details conulbute to developmentof ideas and information, evokeimages or otherwise elaborate orclarify the content of the writing

Extensively

Frequently

Details are pertinent, vivid orexplicit and provide ideasiinforma-tion in depth.

Details develop ideas/information;or details are elaborated.

1 Yes

Do details enhanceand/or clarify the

writing?

Sometimesi No I--

Details lack elaboration, merelylisted or unnecessarily repetitious.

Rarely Details are minimal, inappropriate,or random.

26

21


ILLot A_A1y,2--raft/11-

1,L-671.-,. -at le-e,b)!Ar 1242._

d _x_duke9- /),w[ letso_A,(/- 1 ae Atht cid kii-t.do-L

cie 4\ ---Co-uldt .

AILOILL.

ReadingFocus not clear

0- Sentences not clearly related to each other, but writing can he followed.

D- Details are random they do not really support each other.

G/LVM- Some errors (relative to length and complexity) -

ReadingPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone

Extensively

Frequem ly

Sometimes

Rarely lktails areinalwropri,ite, iKrandom

GAM

V

22

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We Became Friends

/':1 VcX d 1-6) 1q -C

Ai--6+ '0 -0 ((cli.; Bed( (.--pvd-3 ak,,c46cov,:c,s,ve pi4i+5 et 11 v vid iv,kcich(10 tr./ lie V. i/J)

(IC 0 'S',144-- cod GliAH-a Vift3i 1/1

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--10L9 e to

We Became FriendsP- Topic is there, but lacks focus

U- Details are present, but they are simply listed and do not enhance or clarify the writing.

Va.- Personal expression/approp. tone not evident in this piece which is describing a friend.

GLUM- Numerous errors (spelling, word usage, lack of caps, over-used caps) distract the reader.

We Became FriendsPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone G/U/M

Extensively

Frequently

Sometimes

Rarely

Details lark elabor-ation, merely listedor unnecessarilyrepititious

23 7773---BES1 COPY AVAILABLE


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Lon&The b,0A-3-Lc4,aAALkciD

oy\E The._1L4 jerial ace urnorl9

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Wilderness (shape poem)P- Purpose is established (shape poem), but focus is not maintained throughout (relative tolength and complexity). Title is misleading.

0- Images are clearly related to each other.

D- Details are effective and create a picture within the reader's mind but not vivid.

WildernessPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone G/U/M

Extensively V VFrequently

VDetails developideas/Information;or details areelaborated

V

Sometimes

Rarely

25


Macaroni and Cheese

CA.601-A-

frio,c,cx.ron _Lnikk

(T1 (-On I r CC...de

5 or v r/1,9 Maxie. Son)(_,

Vc-U it .Ia.nj 4 fu,1 :)1J-f iikE

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firs S Dcol. etA.: 11/4 ..1re,-\*

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of,ck o,a_,/e. T.0-0-o _0- _rnom. .1to\a. ao_cx Lo\)o-i

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cx, -

Macaroni and CheeseD- Details are vivid and pertinent. They create a real picture for the reader, and enhance the tone.

GUM- A few errors (wen't, missing commas, all one paragraph?) but overall strong command ofconventions.

Macaroni and CheesePurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone GLUM

Extensively

Frequently

Sometimes

Details are pertinent.vivid or explicit andprovide Ideas,information in depth

VI

Rarely

263 1

REST COPY AVAILABLE

I4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces

Voice or ToneIn assessing,

consider...



...whether the writing displays anatural style, appropriate to thenarrator...or whether the tone of thewriting is appropriate to itscontent

an appropriate voice or tone isestablished and maintained

Extensively

Frequently

Distinctive personal expressionor distinctive tone enhances thewriting.

Establishes personal expressionor effective tone.

Yes

Can you bear the writer/Or, Ls the tone effective?

No I

Sometimes

Rarely

Attempts personal expression orappropriate tone.

Personal expression orappropriate tone not evident.

32

27


RiboflavinP- Topic is evident, but focus is not clear uses of riboflavin? where it's found?

wr- Flat tone; no evidence of appropriate (informative, explanatory) tone for the purpose ofthis piece.

RiboflavinPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone GLUM

Extensively

Frequently

Sometimes

Rarely Personal expression orappropriate tone notevident

28BEST COPY AVAILABLE 3


4Ane, . and S

lake . 17-13 e 1)704 of l,e p dancte c/oijdd 14e. Pori- 4...17ct) 4-134. 4-61PP2-71 de.

0)11_ .1A))).0. 5Aqi doj 5. a 5J-rke boys danc.c.. 0 0 . /CA I

Wit0 d,d. ci. ba c/-5.. 7/ 10/1c s GA 'a1 0-r

p ra tc.e._ 10 don c.e e- /la e. cAier)-/-

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o c., /a/ - clan -14c1 71- ale (,LA rt

/0/ 0-r. peop/Q - /J5 f, e- ha n d

(1)bnc... clap /: lie 111 'too.

-iv .30.....cand _1.1,14 c ,

Rythtun and shoesV/T- Attempt at approp. tone (response to a performance) ("It takes a lot of practice to dancelike that...") but not effectively used for most of the piece.

G/11/M- Errors (spelling, sentence fragnent, missing capitals, no Indentation) distract.

Rythum and ShoesPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone G/U/M

Extensively

Frequently 6/Sometimes

600Attempts personalexpression or appropriatetone

Rarely

293BESI COPY AVAILAnt


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30,BEST COPY AVAILABLE


The Great Closet DiscoveryP- Excellent follow-through in piece; clear focus

D- Elaborated details but depth isn't there. Some over-use of "beautiful".

Va. Good use of conversation. You can hear the writer, but not distinctive.

G/LVM- Very few errors (some spelling and punctuation) relative to length and complexity.

The Great Closet DiscoveryPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone GIU/M

Extensively V' VFrequently Establishes personal

expression or appropriatetone

Sometimes

Rarely

31 3


Q. !100

41'4r rn

filfI

id

ll

tvci ifj I I tuf:_a

al ()/Aff(71

1-16diri t j r5o f 110 Q4 ell,Cr 144 5 C- e/ WI/ a

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fleerd foU rjo,s7.7,

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32


Ltlit I" _J4/4,5. L(L) if-45z)

uilgi gin P(e 1

'/)K

Errs r13_104 j or (icy/ k f-te4-5 7-1?:

11,11, C,__O Clil Ph 1 t r5 care4 rF kir//ea5,o

row r _cot? dr'T .\(/5 _041- warm m

T fraeil Methe

7or 7il-e()-,1

The Box0- Logical, fluent, coherent. Organization is a real strength of this paper. And, dialogue is"transitioned in" well.

D- Details are vivid and evoke images. Writer develops them in depth.

Va- Spooky tone for purpose. Writer effectively builds mystery. Conversation with selfenhances story.

G/U/M- Errors in spelling, punctuation and word omissions are distracting in this otherwiseengaging story.

The BoxPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone G/U/M

ExtensivelyV V

Distinctive personalexpression or distinctivetone enhances the writing

Frequently

Sometimes

Rarely

333 3


Grammar/ Usage/Mechanics

In assessing,consider...



...the conventions of writing,including:

'Grammar (e.g. sentencestructure, syntax)

Usage (e.g. agreement and wordchoice)'Mechanics (e.g. spelling,

capitalization, punctuation)

As appropriate to grade level,command of conventions isevident, through correct English orintentional, effective departurefrom conventions

Extensively

Frequently

Few or no errors present: ordepartures from conventionappear intentional and areeffective.

Some crror or patterns of errorsarc present.

Yes

Does writing showgrade-approprtatecommand of G/U/M?

Sometimes

Rarely

No

Numerous errors are apparentand may distract the reader.

Errors interfere withunderstanding.

A 1)

34


Oldest Brother

(1.7.,..10 Q.11,;11j -41r l'i-i-\ _,V44.:A fr(\,f_, (7,VC_Cz.. 1.4 -iyi.,-u--;'JAI' `7/1

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35


P- Attempts to establish the purpow 01 Olin)! ,

0- Most of the thinking urn he followc.l. hiti in,' I, II, t ,( ti

affects unity and coherence. Not sti lin)! l',1111111

0- Mostly generic details (dark, spool. vi

I 1,t'inillk

conversation heiween die ,tit ,111( I ,i1 qq, t' howC\Vi.

seems perfunctory, so it weakens the clIcLi Liri ll ticr,,iiively .111c, Is tun('

CliLlitvt- Errors in spelling, plinclumion. Lid.: 01 quomtion nod interkle(More than just distracting).

Oldest BrotherPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone

Extensively

Frequently

Sometimes

Rarely

(A.1/11.1

Errors interfere withunderstandinv

36


Mr. Botts

Ord!" Mr, 111111'1

11111, [Ill 11ff,1111'1,11'11 1111111 11111111.j111111111111 !Well dl 1111111(101j.

111(1 Will know that leigh 1s lien! mail about how you lostBandit Si i 110111 Mal 11(1(1 lust flandit. Leigh is very very sad. I

don't think leiyh is going to tor give you for that. Why don'tyou ever take lulu!' to out for pizza.? You only tack leigh outto the loundry mat and the library. Ob. and why don't lionever call him our to him. I hone you find eanditbecause Leltjh would be much happyer. I hope you'r satisfiedwith what gnu 11(111P done. well I gess Mats all I have to sayfor know.

Sencerely

Mr. BottsI'- Purpose of letter (to a book character) is established but not fully clear. Additional inforniationwould help the focus of the letter.

0- Not easily followed. Relationship between sentences not linked well td..Ithis ajects coherence

0- Details lack elaboration

V/T- Reader can hear the writer but not distinctive voice or tone.

G/U/M- Spelling errors, sentence fragments, lack of capitalization, etc. distract the reader, butdon't interfere with understanding.

Mr. BottsPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone GAI/M

Extensively

Frequently VSometimes

Rarely

V

VNumerous errors areapparent and distractthe reader

37 42


Rhythem and Shoes

C17 0,d/t) (-)/1/

IA0 oc.5 151 tja)e_lI ,

Ca le -7///2 /I) 5 ()///0_)cdh/ Ai/. 1) ((-)01ilej (0)9'

t'kedr_ -f C (4-:c ,

tioc) ctr e o(1

-p)ey ;/,z-f)Tlie/ oryr c_ I v )

dc40c/f/i9 livid /c(-41

50 Iv Si-Kr(' oiut,(1( / /131 ho.fri/ Olve 1A-A)7)1(' )

71-60 q rOgt.P# 71/W 015 CIL { (.1

Rhythem and ShoesP- Purpose and focus arc established (reaction to performance giving opinion) but not clearly.

0- Sentences not well related to each other affects unity and coherence.

1)- Not elaborated

WU- Attempt at appropriate tone just barely ("I might recommend this to somebody")

GUM- Some errors in spelling (rhythem, reccommend) and a Missini; period at the end of asentence. Relative to length and complexity- F. Again, beware of possible handwriting bias.

Rhythem and ShoesPurpose Organization Details Voice or Tone

1:xtensively

1-requently

Sometimes

Rarely

G/LI/M

Some errors or pattern%("terror; MC present

38

3BES1 COPY AVAILABLE

4


THL !IL ('1,111.:

un(- %!hr.r1 I \./.i'; .11)1Mitye,Tir!: .i1)(111t 3t-.21ct1 liti it)

(71f. %.)ith mv k)r-c-thf,r,my f:;1! Paic-Ae, and my

T rr 1 1 rl I he. . Hadsix Cthf2.! ,at-f2 just crlucf-3). mYsister- called a two. my Hr-othera ane. and I coiled .3

Dad and I had to roll acia i n so wc-Old. Dad railed a five and I railed afour_

We were sittind' in this-accanclement: Dad was on one side.l-11s left sat Jeremy. Next to himrr-w and neD.,:t to me sat Paide.

he TOshoulear:T;le

1

tEi'lnce

sat

Ince Dad got the highest number,t to go first. Dad thought itd go clockwise since that was thest way for it ta da.was so young then I thought itightfully my turn to go next

I got the second highest numiDer.Now we were In the wrong order.1 Bald, "I WA

Then everybody saand threw itupstairs andcried.

I pion tsere

NT TO GO SECOND!!!"id."01<ay," but I wascked up the Cluebaardhe floor! Then I ranamed my head off and

Dad came up and tried to calm medawn.

After that I came downstairs andplayed a regular game of Clue withDeici, Jeremy, and Palcie.

After my .rage I felt ashamed.

39

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Rage of ClueI'- Purpose established: focus is sometimes confusing.

) Writing moves forward NV6 few 1,111Se,, !ionic clearer transitions would help tin,, velypromising piece.

D- Details are elaborated, not yet vivid or in depth.

WI.- Effective personal expression and nice style developing; one eon hear the writer rNi vcidistinctive.

CAUM- Very few errors; strung command of conventions.

Rage of CluePurpose Organization Details

Extensively

Frequently

Sometimes

Rarely

-15

Voice or Tone (11/N1l'Nd 11.1(111 MC' fv.

Irmo(onvention arrc,ir !pi, 1,

an.1,iir rll In

40

Documents

DOCUMENT RESUME ED 377 521 CS 214 699 TITLE …DOCUMENT RESUME ED 377 521 CS 214 699 TITLE 4th Grade Writing Benchmark Pieces. INSTITUTION Vermont State Dept. of Education, Montpelier