Do You Prefer to Love or Be Loved

8/8/2019 Do You Prefer to Love or Be Loved

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"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsidesyou have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwinedtogether that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is notbreathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is

just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over

when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your motherand I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the prettyblossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."-St. Augustine

Do you prefer to Love or be Loved?

It sounds like a relatively simple question. It isn·t. Think about it. Ponder it. Digdeep. Initial reaction is to respond with á bit of each,µ but that doesn·t count.It·s cheating. As humans, we have an inherent nature to do both, but I canguarantee that if you spend enough time in introspection you will discover that

your preference does indeed lean in one direction or the other. To Love? To beLoved?

In order to answer the question honestly a nd with reflection you may find itnecessary to do a little research or, at the very least, define Love as you know it.We are bombarded by sources of information daily, hourly, minute -by-minute inour society that claim what Love is and what it can be for you and how to find it.Do me a favor. Pay close attention. Don·t allow yourself to be led astray. Even myfavorite location for word knowledge, the dictionary, is not going to help you withthis one. Trust me. Look up ¶Love· in that esteemed tome and you will likely be

disappointed. Here is a taste:

Love -Noun 1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, childor friend3. sexual passion or desire

No wonder we·re all screwed up. There are a myriad of definitions for ¶Love· in

the dictionary but not one of them comes close to how I perceive it. First of all,¶Love· is a verb (not a noun) and the only definition given as such within thedictionary (without an ob ject) is, ´to have Love or affection for another person; bein Love.µ Oh yeah! That·s a big help. Love is a choice. It can be created. To beable to create something is a powerful action. It isn·t simply about affection,feelings, passion and desire. In tr ue Christian fashion (because some things are justingrained) I flipped from the page that defined ¶Love· to the word ¶Agape· just tosee what it said. I skipped past the ´Love of God for humankindµ part and to the



relevant definition: unselfish Love of on e person for another without sexualimplications. Well, it is closer. I know. I know. Right about now you arereferencing I Corinthians 13 in your head, aren·t you? Yeah. Me too.

Back to the initial question: Do you prefer to Love or to be Loved?

Me? I·m a Lover. Why? It·s simple. I·m a coward. It·s easier to Love. It·s far simplerfor me to give Love. What? It·s true. As long as I·m giving of my Love than thefocus is on the individual who is receiving the Love « not me. Mother Teresa oncesaid, ´The s ucc ess of Lov e is i n the L ov ing ² it is no t i n the res ul t of Lov ing. O f cou rse it is na t u r al in Lov e t o w an t the best fo r the other pers on, bu t whether itt u r ns ou t th a t w ay or no t d oes no t determi ne the valu e of wh a t we h av e d on e .µ To me, the relationship my ultimately fail, but if I give of myself « if I Love as Iknow I can Love « then my Love has had value. It has meant something to someone.

Those individuals who can answer with 100% honesty that they prefer to be Lovedare much braver than I. Robert Frost wrote, ´L ov e is an irresistib le desire t o beirresistib ly desired .µ There is some truth in that. We all want to be Loved.However, to truly allow someone to Love you all barriers have to be dropped.Walls must be broken down. You must allow yourself to be vulnerable. I detest myvulnerability. Again, I am a coward. I don·t like to let people in. I am worn out. Iam tired. I am jaded. I have been hurt one too many times. I have misjudged whatLove really is one too many times. Ultimately, my inability to let those who wouldLove me into the deepest core of my being will result in my loss. Who knows what Iwill miss because I allowed myself to be caught in the ¶Illusion of Love· too often.

Deepak Chopra penned the following on http://www.intentblog.com/ :

´P art of succ ess is no t be co mi ng caug ht i n li f e·s i llu sion s. A fool for Lov e «

T o cre a te a fan t asy an d fall in Lov e with it is folly, t o be co me tr a pped i n an illu sion, in Lov e with you r ow n pr oj e cti on. It al so mak e s on e vuln er able t o th oseth a t w oul d fue l it . Soon re al it y impedes u p on the i llu sion, cr umb ling it , an d on ebe co mes distr aug ht an d wh o you th oug ht the y were , w a s only in you r mi nd , or wh a t on e th oug ht w a s, is no t . I guess the desire t o be i n Lov e can blind on e t o re al it y. Better t o no t cre a te a fan t a sy an d liv e i n the prese nt bei ng a w a re of th ose th a t w oul d f eed the f icti on s i n you r mi nd . Most re la ti on ships a re re ally ju stan illu sion.µ

Do you prefer to Love? ´Because when we Love, we always strive to become better than we are.µ~Paulo Coelho



Do you prefer to be Loved ?Ýou never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.µ~Barbara DeAngelis

You decide.

´Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it everybodyseeks it, but few ever achieve it. Those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, andamong all, will never « never forget it.µ ~Unknown

Ýou know when I said I knew little about Love? That wasn't true. I know a lotabout Love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thingthat made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... Itmade me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the waythat mankind Loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the unive rse

and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that Love isunconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected,uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and...What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I Love you. Is this Love, Tristan? Inever imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest canbarely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me anymore. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange -no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing youLoved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.µ ~Stardust, Film (2007)

Without realizing how we really feel, we let ourselves get carried away by time, acting spontaneous,without having time to differentiate good from bad.

We don¶t ask ourselves an essential question:" What is better? To love or be loved? "We¶d prefer tobelieve that we have sufficient capacity to combine the two in such a manner that we may truly feellove.

A person gives more than the other. It¶s a clear fact and it¶s present in every situation and it can¶t bedismissed. The reciprocity that we always wish for is actually a false reciprocity. A relationship alwaysconsists of two persons, from which, one always gives more that the other. One person is moreflexible, gives in more often, is willing to make compromise, while the other strives to always be right,and tries to impose a certain rhythm into the relationship, not from pride but just because she/hethinks it¶s best that way.

However, sometimes, because we really wish that everything would go smoothly, we forget tocontradict, to lay out our opinion in the open, to be our own self and we become someone totallyunrecognizable.

Moreover, love does not consist of changing someone so that they may fit our perfect picture, butfinding someone that already fits our personality and our requests. We choose to love rather than beloved, because we know how it feels not to be loved and what's more, we have within ourselves thedesire to be loved!

Sometimes, we love more than we should, or we exaggerate in expressing our feelings. Why are we



more conscious and why do we think more about the well-being of others and choose to suffer?

Even if the apparent solution is letting ourselves be loved, I don¶t think we could live with ourselves or with the thought that our partner is not appreciated as he or she should be. It hurts us when our partner suffers. We love, maybe more than we should.

We love so we can live life to the maximum. We love holding the hope of real happiness in our hearts.

We love and we¶re not sorry for it. Love is not jealous, love is not envious, love does not cause pain,and love is pure.

There should be no room for selfishness in a relationship, neither room for playing with each other` sfeelings. We hurt each other in the most dim-witted ways possible. Sometimes we¶re not careful withthe one next to us and that can be tragic, because an upsetting thing, once said, cannot be takenback and that leaves marks.

If we¶d love each other the way we¶re suppose to, most of our problems would instantly melt. Lovecomes tied to trust, kindness, pleasant character and some other important things. These together could make a great difference worldwide. But it¶s hard to get past our own selfishness and forgettingabout our personal needs, to caring for the needs of others.

Even in romantic relationships we don¶t always give what¶s best for our partner. It is wrong, yet, we

still tend to do it. These kind of things need to change, because without love, nothing would be thesame.

We should choose to love over being loved. It is not easy, but if we all did it, we would be giving andreceiving at the same time.

Let¶s look at what the Bible has to say about love. This applies to every type or relationship: "Love ispatient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil butrejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.Love never fails!

However, where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled;where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but whenperfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child; I thought like achild, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but apoor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully,even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Let¶s choose to love.

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Do You Prefer to Love or Be Loved