Developing Emotional Intelligence

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SEMINAR WORKBOOK

Developing Emotional Intelligence

©Pryor Learning, Inc. • WIQ2106ES-DLii

Table of Contents

EQ Self-Assessment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1

1. Defining Emotional Intelligence Key Components of Emotional Intelligence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 IQ vs. EQ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 The Business Case for Emotional Intelligence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 Your Personal Investment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4

2. Self-Awareness Recognize Your Personal Style . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 The E/I Scale . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Are You a Thinker or a Feeler? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 Right Brain/Left Brain Theory . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

3. Self-Control and Managing Emotions Beliefs, Emotions and Behaviors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 Fixed Beliefs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11 Challenging Self-Limiting Beliefs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12 Managing Emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13 Emotional Cycles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14 Managing Emotional Cycles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15

4. Self-Control: Attitude and Motivation Attitude Assessment Scale . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17 Attitude and Motivation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18 Optimism and Pessimism . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .19 How Your Attitude Affects Your Success . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20 Motivation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21 Goal Setting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22

5. Social Competence: Able to Understand Others Empathy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23 The Art of Listening . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .24 Vocal Characteristics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .25 Body Language . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .26 Reading Emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .27 Political Savvy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .28

6. Relationship Management Rapport and Relationships . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29 Leading a Team . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .30 Motivating Others . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .31 Using EQ for Team Building . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .32

7. Action Plan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .33

Appendix . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34

©Pryor Learning, Inc. • WIQ2106ES-DL 11

EQ Self-Assessment

The self-assessment will point out your overall strengths and opportunities for improving your emotional intelligence. Rate each question below on a scale of 0-5, according to how true it is for you:

0 1 2 3 4 5

Never Almost Never Rarely Sometimes Often Always

1. I am usually aware of my feelings and why I feel that way.

2. I am aware of my strengths and weaknesses.

3. I recognize how my feelings affect my performance.

4. I can manage my negative emotions well – that is, I recover quickly when I get upset or stressed.

5. I can keep my focus on my main goals and know the steps it takes to get there.

6. I welcome candid and constructive feedback.

7. I can usually sense the feelings of the people I interact with.

8. I use empathy to understand the way others see things.

9. I pay attention to what others are saying and how they are saying it.

10. I can persuade people easily and use my influence effectively.

11. I can guide a negotiation to a satisfactory agreement.

12. I can effectively foster teamwork and help settle conflicts.

EXERCISEEXERCISE

©Pryor Learning, Inc. • WIQ2106ES-DL2

EQ Self-Assessment

EQ Self-Assessment Results Add up the scores and plot them on the graph.

As an abridged version of EQ, this may not accurately assess your emotional intelligence. It does, however, offer you food for thought on how you perceive your emotional response to events in your life.

If you achieved a very high score, this represents a high degree of self-awareness and self-regulation. A very high score indicates a commitment to self-improvement and a maturity and growth in your EQ.

Very Low Low Average Average High Average Very High

0 12 24 36 48 60

0 - 12 very low12- 24 low average24-36 average36-48 high average48-60 very high


1 Defining Emotional Intelligence

"The capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships."

Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence

Personal Competence Social Competence

Self-Awareness

• Emotional awareness

• Accurate self-assessment

• Self-confidence

Social Awareness

• Sensing others’ emotions

• Understanding others

• Organizational awareness

Self-Management

• Self-control

• Learning from experiences

• Motivation

Relationship Management

• Influence

• Conflict management

• Collaboration and cooperation

IQ vs. EQ

In the business world, measurements of traditional intelligence are becoming less important as more and more people recognize the power of emotional intelligence.

Intelligence Quotient (IQ) Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ)

IQ defines intellectual potential; what you can do

EQ defines how well you use what smarts you have; what you will do

IQ scores are invariable EQ scores are flexible; they can always improve

IQ gets you the interview EQ gets you promoted

Key Components of Emotional Intelligence

What Is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?


1 Defining Emotional Intelligence

The Business Case for Emotional IntelligenceOrganizations that run on a high level of emotional intelligence see the following benefits in the workplace:

• Greater trust

• Sustained motivation

• Adaptability to change

• Improved teamwork

• High-quality execution

• Increased profits

Your Personal Investment

How can identifying and managing your emotions help you …

At work

At home

How can identifying and managing others’ emotions help you…

At work

At home


2Through self-knowledge we can become aware of our preferences and how they may impact our effectiveness with others.

Self-awareness is the first step in developing Emotional Intelligence (EQ). We can be more successful in our personal and professional interactions when we:

• have a better understanding of our strengths and limits

• gain a heightened awareness and more objectivity of other people’s competence

• gain self-confidence in our self-worth and capability

Recognize Your Personal Style

People have been attempting to define personality types for thousands of years, and it is important to realize that no one theory explains completely the complexity of:

• personality

• motivation

• behavior

We all have different ways of perceiving our environment and processing information we receive. Being aware of these differences gives us a foundation upon which to build more effective relationships with others.

Four categories of commonly recognized personality traits are:

Self-Awareness

Answering two simple questions will identify your basic styles. Ask yourself:

When given a difficult problem to solve at work, I prefer to:

A. Talk through the problem immediately with other people.

OR

B. Have time to myself to process the information and then enter into a discussion with others.

Your answer to this question is an indicator of your preferred style as either an extrovert (A) or introvert (B).

Extrovert Introvert Thinking Feeling


2 Self-Awareness

• Are focused on people and their environment.

• Like being part of a team.

• Process information by talking things through.

• Lose interest if forced to stay on one subject very long.

• Prefer to communicate information by talking.

• Tend not to be a good listener.

• Want action – to experience things.

• Occasionally talk too much or put your foot in your mouth.

• Focus more on your inner world.

• Tend to be perceived as more quiet.

• Prefer work that is “head” focused.

• Want to think before you act.

• Are a better listener (but may not get credit for it because you don’t give verbal or body responses).

• Will shut down if pressured to give information/answers before you are ready (i.e., you need time to formulate a response).

• Provide well-thought-out responses.

• Like to write down things you want to remember/process.

• Talk a lot if interested in the subject.

Extrovert

If you are an E, then you probably:

Introvert

If you are an I, then you probably:

The E/I ScaleThe E/I scale describes our orientation and where we get our energy—from within as an introvert or from others as an extrovert.


2 Self-Awareness

Are You a Thinker or a Feeler? The T/F scale describes how we form judgments and make decisions.

To answer the question of thinking versus feeling, ask yourself: “Am I …”

A. A just the facts type person?

OR

B. One who is concerned about the emotional reactions involved in a situation?

If you consider yourself an (A), you are more of a thinking type person. If you consider yourself a (B), you are more a feeling type person.

Each of these preferences exists to some extent in all of us. These profiles describe our main tendencies. How these preferences show up in us is a matter of the degree to which each is present.

Questions like this are not exact measuring devices, but they can be “validated” by observation. Ask others for feedback about what you say or do that indicates your preferences.

• Like to deal with facts and figures.

• Want supporting facts.

• Make decisions by analysis and predicting logical outcomes of choices.

• Are good at analyzing what is wrong with something.

• Tend to see things in absolutes.

• May want things in writing.

• Define “rapport” as meaning “great minds think alike.”

• Treat people fairly, but people may be an afterthought to you.

• Like to be direct and to the point – brief and businesslike.

• Like to have relationships . . . like to build rapport with others.

• Take things personally.

• Want your feelings to be recognized by others.

• Can carry a grudge if your feelings get hurt.

• Try to be tactful.

• Are sympathetic.

• Will tell people how you feel about a subject before you get into other aspects of a matter.

• Make decisions based on what is important to you and others – not necessarily on logic.

Thinking

If you are a T, then you probably:

Feeling

If you are a F, then you probably:


2 Self-Awareness

Self-awareness of personality styles helps you understand why you and others respond to certain situations in different ways.

For each situation, ask:

• Why do I react this way?

• How can I change my response to this situation?

1. You are an I: You are feeling pressured and stressed because your E boss wants to know your opinion on a marketing plan immediately.

2. You are an E: Your T boss asks you to write a report supporting your suggestion. You are annoyed because it would be much faster and easier if you just had a face-to-face meeting to explain everything.

3. You are a T: You are frustrated because your F coworker keeps dropping by your cubicle to discuss the project you are working on.

4. You are an F: You feel that your T boss disrespects you when your idea for a project isn’t chosen.

EXERCISEEXERCISE


2 Self-Awareness

Right Brain/Left Brain Theory

Another area of understanding that contributes to greater self-awareness is the concept of right-brain and left-brain activity. According to Roger W. Sperry, the brain has two different ways of functioning.

Right Brain:Is visual and processes information in an intuitive and simultaneous way, looking first at the whole picture then the details.

Left Brain:Is verbal and processes information in an analytical and sequential way, looking at the pieces and then putting them together as a whole.

Left BrainRight side of body control

• Number skills• Math/Science skills

• Written language• Spoken language

• Objectivity• Analytical

• Logical• Reasoning

Right BrainLeft side of body control

• 3D shapes• Music/Art awareness• Intuition• Creativity • Imagination• Subjectivity• Synthesizing• Emotion• Face recognition

There is no right or wrong to being either right brained or left brained. Once you are aware of your way of thinking, you can be open and more creative to trying new approaches. From the EQ perspective, it is important to be aware that there are different ways of thinking, to know what your natural preference is, and to appreciate the natural preferences of others.


3 Self-Control and Managing Emotions

Beliefs, Emotions, and BehaviorsBeliefs drive emotions. Emotional Intelligence helps you understand how emotions can run your life and the lives of others. Beliefs are our long-learned, automatic responses and established opinions. We are generally unaware of the nature of our basic beliefs, but they are shown through our behavior – what we say and do.

Beliefs are the core of who we are and account for the assumptions we make about:• Ourselves• About others in the world• About how we expect things to be

Beliefs form our individual reality about:• How we think things are• What we think is true• What we expect as a likely consequence that will follow from our behavior

Basic beliefs are rooted in your childhood usually by the age of 5. Where did your basic beliefs come from during your childhood?

• Family• Culture• Religion/spiritual• Friends• Television

EXERCISEEXERCISEChallenging Your Beliefs

Think about a belief you have. Some examples might be:

• Multi-tasking is good for business.

• Soccer is boring.

• If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

1. Where did you acquire this belief? __________________________________________________________________________________

2. How long have you had this belief? _________________________________________________________________________________

3. Have you ever considered the opposite opinion? ___________________________________________________________________

4. Who can you talk to or where can you find information that provides the opposite point of view? _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

5. How can you adjust your belief after more investigation and reflection? ___________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________



Fixed BeliefsIn order to preserve our fixed beliefs, we seal ourselves from accepting new information that challenges our existing beliefs. We close ourselves to suggestions that do not support our fixed beliefs where we live, work, and play.

We develop a belief system that we rely upon to make judgments and evaluate people and events. Although we have our own personal belief or value system, we also hold many beliefs similar to others in our given family and culture. Beliefs form generational legacies where belief systems are passed on from one generation to the next. These beliefs can be looked at as:

• Constructive or rational beliefs

• Destructive or irrational beliefs

Much of what we view as right or wrong, good or bad is inherited from our family and our social group. Our belief system strongly influences our reactions to people and events in our lives.

Our experiences do not have any set of values in and of themselves. We give them value.

• What we desire and prefer we define as good.

• What we dislike we define as bad.

Once we have assigned a value to our experiences based upon our beliefs about them, we determine our emotional response and behavior as we react to them.

“When you change your thoughts, you can change your feelings.”


3Challenging Self-Limiting Beliefs

Dr. Albert Ellis and others have proven we can change our brain responses in a conscious way. Even if we have a habit of focusing on the negatives, with practice we can change that habit. Taking control of how we respond to our thoughts and what thought we focus on can make all the difference between happiness and unhappiness.

• Think for yourself and learn to challenge beliefs from the past.

• Confront your belief system so you can grow in emotional intelligence.

• Recognize that your belief system drives your emotional response to situations on a daily basis.

What is a belief you have about yourself that is holding you back? (for example, “I’m not smart enough,” “I’m not good enough.” Usually, these self-limiting beliefs begin with “I’m not _______________________________________________ enough.”)

Give an example of a self-limiting belief about yourself:

“I’m not ______________________________________________ enough.”

Rewrite it as a new self-enhancing belief about yourself:

“I am _______________________________________________ enough.”

How does this self-limiting belief affect you at work?

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Is there any evidence for this belief?

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What is the evidence against this belief?

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What is the worst that can happen if you give up this belief?

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

And what is the best that can happen?

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Self-Control and Managing Emotions



Managing Emotions

People who have exceptional emotional intelligence know how to identify and manage their emotions.

Key principles about emotions

• People have the right to all their feelings and emotions – this includes you and everyone else you deal with.

• People cannot avoid feeling emotions; they can only manage them.

• People have the responsibility to express their emotions in a non-harmful way.

• Emotions do not control people. People control their responses to emotions.

How emotions work

Emotions originate in the brain, specifically the limbic system. The limbic sets the emotional tone of the information before it reaches the cortex.

The limbic system is: The not-conscious part of the brain where all of your beliefs and habits are stored. It controls your feelings and heavily influences your behavior. It also interprets sensory information and dispatches it to the cortex.*

The cortex is: The conscious center of the brain that hears what you are thinking and can intellectually control behavior for processing.

If the limbic system interprets the information as POSITIVE, it dispatches a message of purpose and excitement and directs our behavior toward our goal.

When the interpretation is NEGATIVE, a switch in our brain is turned off thinking and learning are stifled.

The more positive the person’s memories of and reactions to an event (emotional state), the better able they are to process information. Because the limbic system is the mediator between thought/belief and feelings, it is easy to see why emotions are so critical to making good decisions and thinking clearly.

* Vail, P.L., Emotion: The On/Off Switch for Learning, Modern Learning Press. Vail, P.L. referenced by Lawson, C. (2002) The Connections Between Emotions and Learning. Center for Development and Learning.

http://www.cdl.org/articles/the-connections-between-emotions-and-learning/

http://www.cdl.org/articles/the-connections-between-emotions-and-learning/



Emotional CyclesIn order to manage your response to emotional events, you have to understand the series of mental and physical steps that everyone undergoes. At any stage of this process, you can consciously stop the cycle by adjusting your physical and mental response to the activating agent.

Sense trigger

Fight-or-flight response (physical)

Automatic thoughts (mental)

Escalating physical response

(physical)

Escalating emotional response (mental)

Verbal or physical

acting out (physical)

Event stored in emotional

memory(mental)



Managing Emotional CyclesThere’s no one fail-proof way to manage emotions. Everyone needs to be aware of their emotional triggers and reactions and then create a plan to effectively respond to these emotional encounters.

Here, we will look at six core emotions that are universally experienced and recognized.

What triggers this emotion for you? How do you recognize when you are feeling this emotion?

1. Anger

2. Fear

3. Disgust

4. Happiness

5. Sadness

6. Surprise



Managing Emotional Cycles

What can you do to control your physical and mental reaction?

What thoughts/beliefs can you change so that you won’t react this way in the future?

1. Anger

2. Fear

3. Disgust

4. Happiness

5. Sadness

6. Surprise


4 Self-Control: Attitude and Motivation

To Reach Their Goals, People with High EQ Demonstrate:

• Positive attitudes

• Motivation

• Focus

• Perseverance

Attitude Assessment Scale

Take a moment to rate your current attitude. Read the statement and circle the number where you feel you belong. A 10 means your attitude could not be better, and if you put yourself at a 1, you are saying it could not be worse. Be truthful!

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

High Low (positive) (negative)

1. If I were to ask my boss, he/she would rate my current attitude as a: ________

2. My coworkers would rate my current attitude as a: ________

3. My family would rate my current attitude as a: ________

4. I would rate my current attitude as a: ________

5. When I deal with others, my effectiveness rate is: ________

6. My current creativity level is a: ________

7. My overall level of motivation is currently: ________

8. I would rate my enthusiasm toward my job as a: ________

Total: ________

Positive High: 80 – 64

Positive Medium: 57 – 63

Average Attitude: 56 – 32

Low Average 25 – 31

Low Negative: 24 – 8

Add the numbers from your current attitude scale.



Attitude and motivation are rooted in emotions. A positive attitude can provide high energy, increased productivity, creativity, drive, and optimism.

Attitude: is the mental state that you have while carrying out your actions.

Ability: is the quality of being able to perform; a quality that permits or facilitates achievement or accomplishment.

Motivation: is the level at which you are able to find "a reason to act."

The key to exhilaration in a job is not the task itself, but the state of mind created as you do the work. When we are motivated and have a positive attitude we do our best work, no matter what type of work it is.

“Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.

Lou Holtz



Optimism and Pessimism

Optimism

Generally, optimism is linked to higher achievement. Optimists are positive thinkers. There are several ways of thinking positively.

Happy People Tend to Have Positive Thoughts. They Typically:

• attribute good events to self

• have a good sense of humor

• see the funny side of things, which makes the bad seem not so bad

• reduce their negative emotional response to difficult situations

The Law of Attraction Says:

Pessimism

Pessimism is rooted in a belief that an event is beyond our control.

• Give an example of a negative situation that you experienced.• What was a positive learning experience that came out of it?



How Your Attitude Affects Your Success

Negative thoughts and feelings

Scared and defeated

Unwilling to take risks

Setback = confirmation of negative thoughts

Doesn't try again

Failure

Enthusiastic and confident

Willing to take risks

Learn from mistakes

Makes a stronger effort the next time

Success

Positive thoughts and feelings



Motivation People with well-developed EQ can identify what motivates them and can use that knowledge to push themselves forward when pursuing a goal.

What motivates you?

Psychological rewards

•

•

•

Material rewards

•

•

•

How can you motivate yourself:

At the beginning of a project

In the middle of a project

At the end of a project


4Goal SettingGoal setting is an extremely powerful technique for accomplishment, but for goal setting to really be effective, it requires writing down what we want to achieve.

Self-Control: Attitude and Motivation

S

M

A

R

T

Take this opportunity to write one SMART goal for your professional development:As a key contributor to your organization, your goals should align with the goals of your team and your organization.

S ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

M ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

R ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

T ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________


5 Social Competence: Able to Understand Others

Social skills greatly help us achieve success in our personal and professional lives. Social competencies determine the degree of our effectiveness in leadership roles.

With practice, we can all improve our communication skills – and thus our chances of success.

EmpathyEmpathy is the capacity to share another person’s position and emotions. Being able to control our own emotions is essential for an effective relationship.

Empathy and trust are critical components for effective:

• communication

• understanding

• listening

• relationship building

Part of the “empathy process” is establishing trust and rapport. Interpersonal skills are important and need to be balanced with the fact-based, thinking side of business. EQ means you can:

• sense what employees, as well as clients and customers, have for hopes and fears

• tune into emotional cues

• communicate with people on their level

Sensing what people need without them saying so is the core of empathy.

• Learn to sense your own feelings first

• Work on your self-awareness and self-control

• Be sensitive to the subtleties of two-way communication

• “Listen between the lines” to uncover the issues that lie behind a person’s unspoken needs



The Art of ListeningEmpathy can only happen when you have fine-tuned your listening skills. According to the U.S. Department of Labor, estimates show that of the total time we spend communicating:

Dimensions of listening

Staying Focused is keeping your full attention centered on the speaker.

Capturing the Message is understanding, completely and accurately, the speaker’s message.

Helping the Speaker involves paying attention and giving supportive feedback.

is devoted to reading and

writing

is spent speaking

is spent listening

22% 23% 55%


5Vocal CharacteristicsImagine talking to someone on the phone. What can you determine about their emotional state through their vocal characteristics? What do you convey about yourself with the way you speak?

Color

Tone and pitch

Volume

Accent

Rate

Fast or slow

Pace varies

Content

Vocabulary

Filler words (Ah, ok, yah…)

Jargon

Grammar

Courtesies

To improve your vocal charisma:

• Stand or sit up straight for better vocal projection

• Record your voice and request feedback on your vocals

• Eliminate slang words

• Smile

Social Competence: Able to Understand Others


Nonverbal Behavior Interpretation

Consistent eye contact Confident, Honest

Rubbing the eyes Doubt, Disbelief

Hand to cheek Evaluation, Thinking

Touching, slightly rubbing nose Rejection, Doubt, Lying

Head resting in hand, eyes downcast Boredom

Patting/playing with hair Lack of Self-Confidence, Insecurity

Arms crossed on chest Defensive, Cold or Uncomfortable

Fist clinched Angry, Stressed

Excessive blinking Lying

Hands on hips Impatience

Tapping or drumming fingers Impatience

Pinching bridge of nose, eyes closed Negative Evaluation

Open palm Sincerity, Openness


Body LanguageBody language is such a key aspect of our day-to-day interactions that it is important to heighten our awareness of it. Those who are better at reading nonverbal behavior are considered more socially competent.

Empathy comes when we can accurately read non-verbal cues such as:

• openness

• social distances

• physical expression

• posture

• facial expression

“People who are adept at reading non-verbal cues are better at social interactions and are considered more socially comfortable and confident.”



“We see that every external motion, act, gesture, whether voluntary or mechanical, organic or mental, is produced and preceded by internal feeling or emotion, will or volition, and thought or mind.”

Helena Blavatsky

Reading EmotionsHow good are you at reading these emotions? Do you consistently assess an individual’s emotional state correctly?

How would you sense this emotion in others?

Amusement

Contempt

Contentment

Embarrassment

Excitement

Pride of Achievement

Guilt

Relief

Satisfaction

Sensory Pleasure

Shame



Political SavvyJust as people with advanced emotional intelligence skills can “read” another person, so, too, they can “read” an organization. The ability to predict and meet needs will help you swiftly climb the corporate ladder.

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, a person with advanced political savvy, even in the most difficult or complex situations, understands how decisions are made and who makes and influences them, understands and promotes the interests of others to obtain their support, understands the roles people play in an organization and uses that understanding to achieve objectives, and establishes alliances to influence outcomes.

To build your political know-how:

• Read and anticipate situations

• Partner with your boss

• Understand the organization’s power map

• Identify the gatekeepers

• Build strategic networks

• Consider the proper behavior before acting

• Demonstrate, through words and actions, your commitment to the organization

SUCCESS TIPSSUCCESS TIPS


6 Relationship Management

Rapport and RelationshipsWhen positive behaviors are exhibited between two people, the relationship is “in rapport.” Rapport is a relationship marked by harmony and agreement. Business and personal relationships are more successful when rapport is established.

Tips for Establishing Rapport:

• Possess a desire for a better relationship

• Continuously learn about human behavior

• Individualize interaction

• Adjust your communication style to the other person's

• Let them know you want to work with them effectively

• Express your knowledge and understanding of them as a person

• Be truthful

• Establish trust

How do employees establish rapport with each other within your organization?

How does management establish rapport with their employees in your organization?

SUCCESS TIPSSUCCESS TIPS



Leading a Team Poor leadership qualities hinder team morale. Leaders who do not possess EQ undermine their teams and team morale. The level of competence a team achieves is in direct proportion to the strength of the leader. Managers, supervisors, and team leaders need to be able to control their behavior during emotionally charged interactions.

Leadership EQ Traits:

• Empathy

• Adaptability

• Persuasiveness

Leaders:

• Maintain emotional balance

• Listen

• Fact find

• Persuade

• Lead

Building TrustLeaders must employ all of their EQ skills to engender trust in others. What tangible steps can leaders take to demonstrate their trustworthiness?

Ingredients for Building Trust and Credibility Actions EQ Leaders Can Take

Focus on building relationships

Exhibit your competence

ALWAYS deliver on your commitments

Admit and “own” your mistakes

Serve and develop others



Motivating OthersUnderstanding and appreciating what people want is essential to motivate and inspire others. On the left side of the pyramid list what YOU require to satisfy your needs. On the right side of the pyramid, list what OTHERS in your life require to satisfy their needs.

SELF-ACTUALIZATION

ESTEEM NEEDS

SOCIAL NEEDS

SAFETY/SECURITY NEEDS

PHYSIOLOGICAL NEEDS

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs



“Leadership is a matter of having people look at you and gain confidence, seeing how you react. If you’re in control, they’re in control.”

Tom Landry

Using EQ for Team BuildingBecause teams are the mainstay of today’s organizations, skills for leadership are built upon our ability to form strong individual relationships with each team member. High EQ leaders:

• make the most of the talents of each team member

• avoid the mistake of believing they must have all the answers

• have high-functioning teams that are effective problem solvers

• use their team to find better answers

Each person has only a part of the information to get the job done. More knowledge was generated in the twentieth century than in all of history before it, and the rate of information continues to dramatically accelerate as we continue in the twenty-first century.

Competencies of High-Performing Teams and Their Members

• Establish Rapport: Build key relationships.

• Collaborate and Cooperate: Encourage each other to set and achieve goals.

• Create Group Synergy: Encourage high-functioning teams to work towards team goals.


7 Action Plan

You’ve seen the benefits of developing and employing emotional intelligence in both your work and personal life. Now, it’s time to put the theory into practice.

How will you use your EQ skills to reach these goals?

• What will you do to motivate yourself?

• How will you measure your success?

• How will you celebrate your success?

Self-Awareness What will you do to become more aware of the role emotions play in your life?

Self-Control/ Managing Emotions

What will you do to control your response to negative emotions?

What will you do to harness the power of positive emotions?

Social Competency: Understanding Others What will you do to understand others’ motivations, desires, and fears?

Relationship Management

What will you do to use your EQ to influence others?

What will you do to help build EQ skills in others?

ACTION PLANACTION PLAN


Appendix

Style Preferences Survey Check the response to each question that more closely describes you. (You may not feel that either choice describes you, but pick the one that is closer to being you.)

1. Which is more comfortable for you to do? a. Comforting other people who are upset. b. Forming my own explanations of how things work.

2. Which better describes you? a. I feel deprived when I am cut off from interaction with other people. b. I require private time to recharge my batteries.

3. Which do you enjoy more? a. Being sure other people’s feelings are cared for. b. Forming my own rationale of why things happen.

4. Which describes you better? a. I am usually focused on the outside world of people and things. b. My mind is sometimes so active that I am oblivious to the outside world.

5. Which irritates you more about other people? a. When they are nice to others despite negative personal feelings about the other person. b. When they give complicated explanations about things.

6. This describes me better: a. I act first, then think and reflect later. b. I think and reflect before acting.

7. Which gives you more satisfaction? a. Building a supporting atmosphere amongst friends. b. Figuring out for myself how something works.

8. Most of the time I: a. Enjoy a wide variety of relationships with other people. b. Prefer one-on-one or small group communication.

9. Which annoys you more about other people? a. If they argue over small differences of opinion. b. If they compromise just to keep peace.

10. Waiting in a line, do you more often: a. Chat with others? b. Think about things that you need to do?

continued on next page


Appendix

11. Which better describes you? a. I am naturally sensitive to other people’s needs and reactions. b. I naturally notice tasks that need to be done.

12. At a party I will usually: a. Interact with many other people, even strangers. b. Interact mostly with a few people I know.

13. Which is your response to conflict? a. I am very upset by conflict and disharmony. b. I accept conflict as a natural, normal part of relationships with others.

14. Does interacting with other people all day: a. Energize you? b. Tire you out?

15. Which is more important to you? a. To have strong emotions. b. To be strong willed.

16. Which more accurately describes you? a. I am a good conversationalist. b. I am a good listener.

17. Which appeals more to you? a. Harmonious relationships. b. Consistency of thought.

18. People describe me as: a. Outgoing. b. Reserved.

19. Which would you consider the greater compliment? a. “This person is very sensitive.” b. “This person is very logical.”

20. Which better describes you at work? a. I like to interact with my coworkers. b. I prefer to keep more to myself.

continued on next page


Appendix

Style Preferences Survey Scoring Sheet

Instructions:

1. For the EVEN numbered questions, add the number of times you answered “a.” _____________ E

2. For the EVEN numbered questions, add the number of times you answered “b.” _____________ I

3. For the ODD numbered questions, add the number of times you answered “a.” _____________ F

4. For the ODD numbered questions, add the number of times you answered “b.” _____________ T

5. Check the numbers on the lines below that correspond to the numbers above.

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 E

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 F

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 T


Appendix

It is important to be aware of the emotions we experience at work. If we understand our emotions at work, we are better equipped to manage our presence in the workplace.

When was the last time you were angry at work? Why were you angry? How did it impact your interactions with others?

Think about a time when you felt defeated at work. Did others sense your mood?

When was the last time you felt pride in your work? How did you show that pride in the workplace?

EXERCISEEXERCISEEmotional Intelligence Exercise 1


Appendix

Every time you take action or don’t take action at work it sends a message. Think of the last five emails, phone calls, or verbal interactions you had with other team members.

In the left-hand column, write down the intent of each message. As you think back on the message and its delivery, use your creativity and imagine. What message could the receiver have interpreted that was different from your intention? Think about the emotional impact your message may have had.

For example:

Sent email to remind people of unacceptable tardiness when attending project meetings.

May have come across as harsh. People may have thought that I was treating them like children. Those who show up on time may have been offended.

Intent of message: How it might have been interpreted:



Appendix

Below is a list of values that could be present in the workplace. Check the five values that reflect your core beliefs and that you truly value most in your work unit. Be careful not to circle what you say you believe or what the company says you should believe, but circle the things you believe are of true value.

Please add to the list any beliefs that are not listed.

Harmony

Respect

Safety

Perfection

Customer

Satisfaction

Order

Accountability

Resourcefulness

Straightforwardness

Independence

Trust

Helping Others

Team Attitude

Entrepreneurship

Risk Taking

Responsibility

Creativity

Sense of Community

Commitment

Truthfulness

Open Communication

Security



Appendix

Seeking and Gaining Feedback Most of us are reasonably aware of our individual strengths and weaknesses. However, there are numerous character traits that we are not aware of (blind spots), and obtaining feedback from others is the only way to increase our insight into how we are perceived by others.

Ask others in your work environment for feedback on your work behaviors using questions like these:

_____ 1. How well do I listen?

_____ 2. Do I show empathy and concern for others?

_____ 3. Do I encourage discussion of different viewpoints?

_____ 4. Do I have the ability to persuade people without threatening/coercion?

_____ 5. Do I show an openness and vulnerability to others that is appropriate to the situation?

Complete your own self-assessment before requesting input from others regarding your behavior. Like the 360s done in many Fortune 500 organizations, this process can be an excellent means of gaining insight about yourself and holding yourself accountable for an accurate assessment of how your patterns of behaviors are perceived.

Feedback is important input and can be used to spot patterns of behavior that are detrimental to your effectiveness at work and at home. Asking for feedback and gaining insight into ourselves is not always comfortable. We tend to find motivation to grow only when we get uncomfortable about ourselves and not when we are comfortable, content, and “life is great.”

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