"DENISE CALLS UP"

byHal Salwen

1

FADE IN ON BLACK:

Silence. Big bold letters fill the screen, heralding

SEVERAL YEARS FROM NOW

FADE IN:

CLOSE ON A CLOCK RADIO

It reads 6:32 A.M. It changes to 6:33 and goes off,blaring pop music!

EXTREMELY CLOSE ON A PAIR OF EYES

opening!

EXTREMELY CLOSE ON A HAND

emerging from under the covers. WE FOLLOW IT AS IT MOVESTOWARD THE CLOCK RADIO... then passes over it to aportable phone sitting in its cradle. The hand picks upthe phone...

CLOSE ON TWO FEET

with polished toenails as they slip into two puffy pinkslippers

CLOSE ON PORTABLE TELEPHONE

as it gets dropped into the pocket of a terry-cloth robe.

INT. LINDA'S LIVING ROOM -- MORNING

Large, bland, sparsely furnished. Linda Hackett, adreary-faced woman with limp hair to go along with herlimp body, emerges from the bedroom in her terry-clothrobe, still half-asleep, dragging her slippered feetacross the floor. AS THE POP MUSIC CONTINUES TO RESOUNDFROM THE BEDROOM, she begins to rather lethargicallyclean up a vast spread of catered food and drink, alluntouched. She picks at some stale hors d'oeuvres, makesa sour expression, and spits it out in her hand as thephone in her pocket beeps.

2

LINDA(takes the phone outof her pocket, pullsout the antenna, andanswers in a tiredmonotone)

Hello?

INT. GALE'S LIVING ROOM -- MORNING

Neat, tasteful surroundings. Gale Donelly, smiling, abundle of energy, well-dressed in a skirt suit, sits ather desk in the corner of her living room, phone to herear, tapping at her keyboard.

GALE(cheerfully)

Good morning.

LINDA(cheerless)

Gale.

GALEHow are you?

LINDAAll right.

GALESorry I couldn't make it lastnight.

LINDA(throwing food ingarbage, generallycleaning up)

That's all right.

GALE I wanted to, Lin. I really did.

LINDAForget it.

GALESo how did it go?

Linda shrugs.

3

GALEI want all the details. Don'tleave anything out.

(we hear a click)Hold on.

Gale disappears to take another call. Linda continues toclean up in silence, throwing away stale rolls and loavesof bread. Gale returns.

GALESorry. Business. So, come on,who showed up?

LINDANobody.

GALENobody? What do you mean? Youmean like the people who did showup were, to you, nobody?

LINDANo. I mean nobody.

GALEYou mean... not anybody?

LINDAThat's right.

GALEGod.

LINDA(wearily,indifferent)

It's all right. It was fine withme. I was able to do a littlecatching up. I zenned-out on areport. By the time I noticedthe door buzzer hadn't soundedonce it was already 2 A.M.

GALENot a one?

LINDAAh, I wasn't in the mood to bearound people last night anyway.

4

Gale shakes her head.

CUT TO:

TITLE SEQUENCE

Under the introductory credits, AS "THE KING" BELTS OUTTHE ROCKABILLY "TRYING TO GET TO YOU", we have a MONTAGEutilizing grainy black and white stock footage whichmight include the intercutting of, variously: Rows androws of prim female telephone operators hectically, butefficiently, answering calls at a depression era AT&Theadquarters; Tracking down endless "Dustbowl" highwaysof telephone poles; Dark, dramatically tilted angles ofgrim telegraph operators anxiously exchanging urgentmessages across the Atlantic; Vintage maps displayingarchaic communications networks; And finally, as theimages and music reach their crescendo, we... OR, JUSTONE LONG ENDLESS TRACKING SHOT, AS WE MOVE DOWN AHIGHWAY, OF TELEPHONE LINE STRUNG ACROSS TELEPHONE POLEAFTER TELEPHONE POLE, MILES AND MILES, ON AND ON...

...FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

INT. FRANK'S DEN -- MORNING

Pleasant, ordinary surroundings. Frank Oliver,sweatshirt and jeans, "Mister Casual", sits at a deskbefore his computer. He's using a mouse. His phonerings and he picks it up.

FRANK(chipper)

Y'ello?

GALE(upbeat)

Hi, Frank.

FRANK(smiling)

Gale. What's up?

GALEI just spoke to Linda.

5

FRANKYeah, I have to call her.

(little embarrassed)I couldn't make her party lastnight.

GALEI know.

FRANKI wanted to, but it was justimpossible. I was swamped.

GALETell me about it. I couldn'tmake it either, and that isn'tthe half of it. Linda said Jerrynever showed either.

FRANKOh? That's too bad. Was Barbaradisappointed?

GALEAre you kidding? Knowing Barbarashe was too busy to bedisappointed.

FRANK(sighing)

It never stops.

GALE(shaking head, totalagreement)

Never.

INT. JERRY'S STUDIO APARTMENT -- MORNING

A madhouse of disarray. Dirty dishes everywhere, clothesstrewn over chairs, etc. Jerry Heckerman lies in bedwearing paisley pajamas, his laptop on his stomach. Heworks away, consumed. His phone beeps. He picks it up.

JERRYHello?

FRANKHi, Jerry. What's up?

6

JERRYI'm inundated.

FRANKI hear you didn't show up at theparty last night.

JERRYWhat can I say? I was drowning,and by the time I looked at mywatch... I warned you there wasonly a fifty-fifty chance I'dmake it at all. I did warn you.

FRANKHey, I totally understand. Itwas just that... Well, Galereally wanted you to meetBarbara. You know Gale.

JERRYNo.

FRANKNo, but I've told you about her. And I told her about you. Andthen she got into wanting to setyou and Barbara up. It'spractically become a crusade forher. Gale thinks you'd beperfect for Barbara and viceversa. And Gale should know.

JERRY(beat)

Why?

FRANKBecause... I've told her allabout you. I've mentioned you Idon't know how many times to her. And she's told me all aboutBarbara. They're old friends. They go way back. Like us.

7

INT. BARBARA'S LIVING ROOM -- MORNING

Ultra-modern, ultra efficient space. Barbara Gorton,bespectacled, impeccably attired in a straight-lacedtweed skirt-suit, works in front of a computer monitor inan alcove. She's equipped with one of those hands-freeheadset phones -- you know, the kind that hooks over yourear and sets a mic in front of your mouth -- thattelephone operators and big-time talent agents are famousfor. The phone beeps. She answers it in her usualbusiness-like manner.

BARBARAHello?

GALEHi, Barbara.

BARBARAGale.

GALESo... where were you?

BARBARA(sighs)

Tsk, I'm sorry. I've beenworking on some very toughmultiple deadlines.

GALEAdmit it, you were too depressedto go out.

BARBARANo. Really...

GALECome on. You've been down in thedumps eversince you broke up withDan. I know.

BARBARAWell... I'll concede it may havebeen a combination.

GALEBarbara, you broke up with Danover six years ago.

8

BARBARAHas it been that long? It stillseems like yesterday.

GALEListen, Barbara, I was reallydisappointed that you didn't makeit. I really want you to meetJerry. I really think you twowill hit it off. Let me set youup. Please? I'd really like toset you two up.

BARBARATsk, I don't know.

GALEYou'll like each other. Youwill. Trust me. What have yougot to lose?

BARBARAWhat about us? When are we gonnaget together? We haven't seeneach other in... I don't know howlong.

GALE(thinks about this)

I thought you were gonna be atthe party.

Barbara wavers, begrudging her the point.

GALECome on. Let's meet for lunch. You, me, Frank, and Jerry. Whatdo you say?

BARBARA(anguishing)

I don't know. I...

GALEI'm not taking no for an answer. Garucci's at 12:30. I'll makethe reservations.

BARBARANo, wait...

9

Barbara, resigned, taps her keyboard, checks her screen,shakes her head.

BARBARAI can't make 12:30. Impossible. I have all these calls coming in.

GALEHow about 1:00?

BARBARA(taps her keyboardsome more, checks)

How about 1:15?

GALE(big nod!)

1:15 it is.

INT. JERRY'S STUDIO APARTMENT -- MORNING

Jerry lies in bed, wearing a different (striped?) pair ofpajamas now, laptop on his stomach as usual. His phonerings. He picks it up.

JERRYHello.

FRANKWe're meeting for lunch. 1:15. Garucci's.

JERRYWe?

FRANKYou, me, Gale, and Barbara.

JERRYBut...

FRANK I'm not letting you out of this.

JERRYBut...

FRANKSee you then.

10

Frank hangs up.

FADE OUT, FADE UP:

TWO DAYS LATER

CUT TO:

INT. MARTIN'S BEDROOM -- MORNING

Filled with neat shelves of books, like a dreary librarywith a bed. Martin Weiner, suit and tie, is busy at hiscomputer, tapping away at the keyboard. His phone rings. He picks up.

MARTINHello?

Silence.

EXT. RIDING ON A CAROUSEL -- MORNING

EXTREMELY CLOSE ON THE FACE OF A YOUNG WOMAN-CHILD

Her name is DENISE. She's about 19, give or take, awaif. There's a delicateness about her, a frailty, thatshe's constantly trying to overcompensate for. Everything about her face -- hair, eyes, makeup, tatoos,expressions -- seems wild, is wild. She holds a cellularphone to her ear. She hasn't responded to Martin'sgreeting. She's apparently riding a carousel horse. Butonly apparently, because we never fully see the wholecarousel. We only know this because of the out of focusbackground and the music playing, etc... And althoughthere are hints of other people around, we never see any.

MARTINHello?

DENISE(cautiously)

Hello?

MARTINWho's this?

DENISE(beat)

Who's this?

11

MARTINMartin.

DENISEMartin... Weiner?

MARTINUh... yes?

DENISE(a long beat)

Wrong number.

Denise hangs up.

Martin looks at his phone, bewildered, hangs it up. Thephone rings again. He picks it up.

MARTINHello?

DENISEHello?

MARTINWho is this?

DENISE(rushed)

Denise. Denise Davorrio. Myfather died when I was seven. Mymother was an alcoholic. Wenever got along. I'm kind ofshy, but in some ways I'maggressive. I like to readcurrent biographies. Are youjewish? Weiner. That's usuallyjewish.

Martin is confused.

DENISEHello?

MARTIN(suspicious)

Why?

DENISEJust curious.

12

MARTIN(long beat)

I'm sorry, but I don't give thatkind of information out over thephone.

DENISEWhy not?

MARTINBecause... I don't.

DENISEWhy?

MARTIN(annoyed)

Because I don't know who you are. Okay?

Denise looks hurt.

Martin listens, waits.

Denise fights back tears.

MARTINHello?

Denise starts to cry.

MARTINWhat are you doing?

DENISE(sobbing)

You're... mad at me.

MARTIN(squirming at thesound of her sobs)

No, no, please... Please don't...(can't take itanymore!)

Okay! Okay! I'm jewish! Okay? I'm jewish.

DENISEHold on.

(regains hercomposure)

Martin?

13

MARTINYeah?

DENISEIs it all right if I call youMarty?

MARTIN(unsure)

I... I guess... so.

DENISEAnd you can call me Denny.

Martin isn't quite sure what's going on.

DENISEAre you funny?

MARTINExcuse me?

DENISEDidn't you ever notice how manyjewish comedians there are? Idon't think I'm stereotyping.

MARTIN(totally bewildered)

Do I know you?

DENISENo.

(beat)And yes. In a sense.

MARTINWhat?

DENISEDon't be mad, Marty. Promise meyou won't be mad.

MARTINWhat are you talking about? Madat what? Why should I be mad?

DENISEI'll tell you. But only if youpromise you won't get angry.

14

MARTINAll right. I promise.

Denise takes a deep breath, mustering her courage.

DENISEI know something I'm not supposeto know, Marty. About you.

MARTIN(snapping angrily)

What? What the heck is going on?

DENISE(scowling)

Hey, you're angry and youpromised you wouldn't be. Ourrelationship is brand new andalready, broken promises!

Denise slaps off her phone!

Martin listens to a dial tone. He looks at the phone,hangs it up. It instantly rings. He scoops it up.

MARTIN(angrily)

Hello!

JERRYMartin?

It's Jerry, sitting up in bed, wearing different (polka-dot?) pajamas.

MARTIN(subdued)

Oh, uh... Jerry. Hi.

JERRYDo you have a moment?

MARTINUh... Sure.

JERRYI'm a bit discombobulated.

MARTINI know the feeling.

15

JERRYThis ex-girlfriend of a friend ofmine is trying to set me up witha friend of hers and they allarranged to meet at thisrestaurant at the last minute,and...

(a deep sigh)I didn't go.

MARTINWhy not?

JERRYI would have, but I was up to myears!

MARTINHey, it happens. Just call andexplain. I'm sure they'llunderstand.

JERRYI don't know. I'm soembarrassed. Even to call myfriend. It's Frank. Youremember Frank.

MARTINNo.

JERRYDidn't you meet him? I thoughtyou did. Maybe not.

(click-click)Hold on.

(click-click)Hello?

GALEJerry?

JERRYSpeaking.

GALEMy name's Gale Donelly. I'mFrank's ex-girlfriend?

16

JERRYOh. Hi. Hold on.

(click-click,suddenly frantic)

It's the woman who's been tryingto set me up. What do I do? Idon't know what to say.

MARTINLie. Tell her you sincerelywanted to make it, that you wereon your way there, but you gotstuck in traffic and had to turnback, and... and your car-phonewas out or you would have called.

JERRY(a deep breath tobrace himself, thenClick-Click)

Gale?

GALEJerry?

JERRYLook, I'm... I'm sorry I didn'tmake it. You see, I... I gotheld up in traffic and had toturn around, and my car-phone wasout, and when I got back, I... Ididn't have Barbara's number or Idefinitely would have called herand apologized.

GALEOh? Well then... why don't Ijust give you her number now andyou can call her yourself? I'msure she'll understand.

JERRY(paralyzed)

Right.

GALE664-3832.

Jerry remains frozen.

GALEDo you have that? 664-3832.

17

JERRY(frozen)

664-3832.

GALETell her I said hello. Bye.

Gale hangs up, quickly starts dialing her phone.

JERRY(inert)

Bye.

Jerry click-clicks.

JERRYMartin?

MARTINJerry.

JERRYI don't believe this! She gaveme Barbara's number and now I'mobligated to call her. What am Igonna do? I don't believe this. I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm... I'm so overburdenedbusiness-wise. I don't have asecond to think half the time.

MARTINYeah. I can relate.

INT. FRANK'S DEN -- NIGHT

Frank sits before his computer monitor. His phone rings. He picks it up.

FRANKHello?

GALEHi, Frank. Gale. I spoke toJerry.

FRANKWhat? Why did you do that? Itold you I was gonna speak tohim.

18

GALEBecause, I felt terrible and Iwanted to apologize personallyfor not being able to make it. But get ready for this -- Hedidn't make it.

FRANK(shaking his head)

God. So what did he say when hefound out that none of us showedup either, not even Barbara?

GALEHe didn't say anything... becausehe doesn't know.

FRANKWhat?

GALEThat's why I'm calling you. Idon't want Jerry to find out. This way he'll feel guilty andhe'll have to call Barbara.

FRANKWhat?

GALEI just got off the phone withBarbara and told her to say thatwe all got together and we werewaiting and waiting for Jerry,but he never showed up.

FRANKAre you crazy? Why on earth didyou do that?

GALEBecause I want these two to gettogether. They're perfect forone another. They're a couplemade in heaven.

(click-click)Hold on.

(click-click)Hello?

19

INT. BARBARA'S -- NIGHT

CLOSE ON BARBARA -- A SHARPLY TILTED, LOW, DRAMATICANGLE, EMPHASIZING HER HYSTERIA -- It's dark. The onlyillumination coming from Barbara's computer screen,lighting her face as if in a horror movie!

BARBARA(freaking)

I can't believe I agreed to this!

GALEBarbara?

BARBARAI can't do it. I... I can't.

(click-click)Hold on.

(click-click)Hello?

VOICEBarbara?

BARBARAYes?

Jerry lies back in bed in a different pair of pajamas. He's nervous.

JERRYHi, my name's Jerry. JerryHeckerman?

BARBARA(beat, flustered)

Who? Oh. No? Hi. Uh, I'm onanother call. Hold on.

(click-click)Oh, Jesus, it's him. Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! What do I do now?

GALETalk to him.

BARBARAI CAN'T! Please, please don'tmake me. I don't even know whathe looks like!

20

GALESo what? You talk to peopleevery day and you don't know whatthey look like.

BARBARAYes, but this is different! Thisisn't business. This is a blinddate. Once! Once I had a blinddate, eleven years ago. Mymother set us up. He had a veryintense stare.

GALEBut I bet you he turned out to bea very nice guy, right?

BARBARAHe tried to rape me!

GALE(dubious)

Barbara?

BARBARAI'm not kidding!

GALELook, where is he? Is he stillholding?

BARBARA(dropping her headagainst theilluminated screen)

Oh god! I can't believe this ishappening!

GALEHold on. I'll be right back.

BARBARANo! Don't go! Where are yougoing? I need you!

GALERelax, willya. Get a grip. I'llbe right back. I promise.

(click-click)Frank?

21

FRANK(looking lost,helpless)

What's going on?

GALEDo you have a picture of Jerry?

FRANKWhat for?

GALEI'll explain later. Do you haveone or not?

FRANKI'm... I'm not sure...

GALEI don't understand. You said hewas your best friend. You meanto tell me you haven't got apicture of your best friend?

FRANKWe... we haven't had a chance tosocialize in awhile...

(looking off,something catchinghis eye)

Wait a minute.

Frank rises out of his chair and moves to the wall.

FRANKI... I do have a picture from...when we were in school together,but...

GALE(abruptly)

Circle his face!

INT. GALE'S -- NIGHT

As a picture streams out of Gale's fax machine. Galetakes it, checks it out...

22

INT. BARBARA'S -- NIGHT

As the picture comes out of Barbara's fax machine. Barbara takes it and studies it.

BARBARAI got it.

GALEAnd?

PUSH-IN on Barbara's face, pondering the fax...

...AND WE FINALLY SEE THE PICTURE

It's a kindergarten class photo from what appears to bethe early seventies. The children and a prim teacher allsmile at the camera. The face of a nerdy kid withglasses at the center of the photo is circled with anarrow pointing to it indicating "Jerry".

BACK TO BARBARA

studying the photo, uncertain...

BARBARAHe's...

(cracks a slight, ifreluctant, smile)

...cute.

Gale smiles.

GALE(click-click)

She likes it.

Frank is delighted.

Barbara sits down, finally looking somewhat at ease, andpresses the flash button to change lines.

BARBARA(click-click)

Jerry?

Empty silence.

BARBARAJerry?

23

A dial tone. Barbara's smile fades.

INT. JERRY'S -- NIGHT

CLOSE ON THE PORTABLE PHONE in its cradle, hung up. WEPULL BACK TO A WIDE VIEW OF THE ROOM... The room isempty, silent, still. Jerry is nowhere in sight.

INT. BARBARA'S -- NIGHT

Barbara, lost in thought, looks down at the fax with thelittle nerdy boy staring up at her.

EXT. THE CITY -- NIGHT

Shimmering, but silent. Barren streets. Deserted. Nota soul anywhere. It's eerie. But then a small figureappears.

Jerry wanders down the empty sidewalk in a long raincoat,looking lonely. He's wearing his pajamas underneath, andhis sockless feet drag unlaced sneakers, the footsteps ofwhich echo on the wet pavement. He stops.

HIS POV

A lonely, graffiti strewn payphone.

BACK TO JERRY

as he ponders it.

INT. JERRY'S -- NIGHT, LATER

Jerry's phone starts to ring (beep?). WE MOVE IN ONJERRY'S ANSWERING MACHINE that sits next to his phone onthe bedtable. Suddenly, the phone stops ringing and themachine picks up.

EXT. PHONE BOOTH -- NIGHT

Jerry presses in his code. He looks up as DISTANTTHUNDER CRACKS.

24

BACK IN HIS BEDROOM

PUSHING-IN on the answering machine as the incomingmessage tape rewinds, then...

MACHINE VOICE(robot-like staccato)

You... have... three... messages.

BEEEP!

AND WE CONTINUE TO PUSH-IN CLOSE ON THE ANSWERINGMACHINE, its digital number 3 blinking...

FRANK'S VOICEHi, Jerry. Frank. We waited andwaited for you the other day. What happened? Call me.

BEEEP!

AND WE DISSOLVE IN FURTHER ON THE ANSWERING MACHINE,passing over its function keys, watching as the reels onthe playback tape spin...

GALE'S VOICEHi. This is Gale. I spoke toBarbara and she told me you twogot disconnected, and shecouldn't call you back becauseshe didn't have your number...

(cont'd)

...DISSOLVE IN FURTHER STILL, TO EXTREMELY CLOSE ON THETAPE, passing over the playback head... DISSOLVING INTOTHE INNER WORKINGS OF THE MACHINE, passing over itsmicrochips, examining, it seems, its soul...

GALE VOICE(cont'd)

...I told her you didn't call herback because you must havemisplaced her number. I know I'mright about this. Right? Right. So here's her number again. 664-3832. Call her. Don't be ashmuck.

BEEEP!

25

BARBARA'S VOICEHi. This is Barbara...

EXT. PHONE BOOTH, JERRY -- IT'S RAINING

It's a downpour and he's getting soaked as he listens to:

BARBARA'S VOICE(cont'd)

...We got disconnected earlierand I didn't have your numberand... I called Gale and she gaveit to me, so... Sorry you gotstuck in traffic the other night. We were all, uh, waiting... Though...

CLOSER ON JERRY

rivulets streaming down his face.

BARBARA'S VOICE(cont'd)

...not that long. I wasn't atall inconvenienced or anything. It didn't matter... I mean, itwould have been nice to meet you,but... Anyway, hope to hear fromyou... whenever...

...BEEP BEEP BEEP!

(and with each of the final three closing BEEPS, we cutin closer and closer on Jerry)

INT. VERY CLOSE ON BARBARA

Don't know where she is. A phone rings. She answers,bringing a portable phone to her ear.

BARBARAHello?

JERRY(beat)

Barbara?

PULL BACK SUDDENLY TO REVEAL...

26

...INT. BARBARA'S BATHROOM -- NIGHT

Barbara is sitting on the can, a laptop computer on herlap. She looks around herself, realizing where she is,then suddenly hangs the phone up!

INT. JERRY'S -- NIGHT

Jerry stands, a dial tone sounding in his ear.

INT. GALE'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT

Gale works at her desk in an immodest nightshirt. Herphone beeps. She picks it up.

GALEHello?

Barbara paces her bathroom, looking at her reflection inthe mirror of her medicine cabinet.

BARBARAI just hung up on Jerry.

GALEWhat?

BARBARAI can't believe it.

GALEBut why?

BARBARAI was on the toilet.

GALESo what? I always take calls onthe toilet.

BARBARASo do I, usually. But those...those are business calls, orpeople I know well, feelcomfortable with. This isdifferent. It... It didn't feelright. What if he asked me whatI was doing?

27

GALEWhy would he ask? And even if hedid, tell him... Tell him you'relying in bed wearing a red silkteddy and licking a lollipop.

BARBARA(shaking her head)

Oh no, that... That's not me,Gale. I could never.

INT. MARTIN'S BATHROOM -- NIGHT

Martin sits on the john, teeshirt, pants around hisankles, perusing a newspaper covering his lap. His phonerings. He picks it up.

MARTINHello?

JERRYIt's Jerry. Did I wake you? Iknow it's late.

MARTINNo. I'm just sitting on thejohn. What's up?

Jerry sits on his bed in a new pair of pajamas (Withlittle teddy bears? Anyway, from now on, dear reader,you get the idea about the pajamas).

JERRYThat girl, Barbara, left amessage on my machine. So Icalled her back, and...

(pause)

MARTINWhat?

JERRYShe hung up on me. I think. I'mnot sure. We may have justgotten disconnected.

MARTINWhat do you mean? Which one wasit?

28

JERRYWell, it sounded like she hung upon me. But then why would sheleave a message on my machinetelling me to call her? Just soshe could hang up on me?

Martin considers this.

JERRYI wouldn't wanna call her back ifshe hung up on me. On the otherhand, if it was an accidentaldisconnection, I, I wouldn'tnecessarily be adverse to tryingagain. Ah, forget it, I'm sorryI disturbed you... I don't knowwhy I even... It's... Forgetit, just forget... I don't knowwhy I...

Martin listens to Jerry awkwardly stammering.

INT. FRANK'S -- NIGHT

His phone rings. He picks it up.

FRANKHello?

MARTINFrank Oliver?

FRANKYeah?

MARTIN(still on the john)

Hi, my name's Martin Weiner. I'ma friend of Jerry's. I hope I'mnot bothering you.

FRANKNo, not at all. Jerry'smentioned you. What can I do foryou?

MARTINIt's about this Barbara that yourex has been trying to fix him upwith.

29

FRANKWhat about her?

MARTINJerry doesn't know I'm callingyou. He just wanted to forgetabout it, but... Well, thereappears to be some confusion andI was wondering if you could helpclear it up for him?

FRANKI'll do my best.

MARTINIt's like this. Jerry just triedto call Barbara and he's not sureif she hung up on him or if theywere disconnected. If they weredisconnected, he'd be happy tocall her back. But if she hungup on him... well, you knowJerry.

FRANKYeah, he's got a fragile ego.

(click-click)Hold on, Martin.

(click-click)Hello.

GALEFrank?

FRANKGale.

GALEWe've got a problem. Jerry justcalled Barbara and Barbara was soflustered that she hung up onhim, and now she's tooembarrassed to call him back. We've gotta get Jerry to call heragain.

CLICK-CLICK:

INT. MARTIN'S BATHROOM -- NIGHT

Martin still on the toilet.

30

FRANKMartin?

MARTINFrank.

FRANK(purposefully,precisely)

Tell Jerry that Barbara thinks hehung up on her.

CLICK-CLICK:

INT. JERRY'S -- NIGHT

MARTINJerry?

JERRYSpeaking.

INT. FRANK'S -- NIGHT

Frank's phone rings. He picks it up.

FRANKHello?

INT. GALE'S -- NIGHT

Her phone rings. She picks it up.

FRANKHe felt awful. Martinpractically had to talk him outof suicide.

GALEAnd?

FRANKAnd... he's gonna call her.

GALEAre you sure?

31

FRANK(worried)

Either that or throw himself offa bridge. I hope we did theright thing.

INT. BARBARA'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT

Barbara paces anxiously, a bundle of nerves (AND AJITTERY HAND-HELD CAMERA EMPHASIZES THIS). Her phonerings. She moves for it, then suddenly catches herselfand stops. She stares at the phone. It rings again. She gathers her courage, starts to pick it up, then onsecond thought, recoils. It rings again... She snatchesit up.

BARBARAYes!

GALEHe's calling you back. Don'tblow it.

Barbara doesn't move, doesn't breath.

GALECall me after you talk to him.

Gale hangs up.

A dial-tone sounds in Barbara's ear. Barbara listens toit for a moment... then places the phone down, leaving itoff the hook, the dial-tone still sounding, and walksaway. The dial-tone continues to sound as shedisappears...

INT. JERRY'S -- NIGHT

Jerry is staring down at his phone, sweating, staring... He turns and walks out of frame as we HOLD ON THE PHONE. After a moment, the lights go out, then we hear the doorshut as he leaves...

...FADE OUT, FADE UP:

THREE DAYS LATER

CUT TO:

32

INT. MARTIN'S BEDROOM -- MORNING

Martin sits at his computer in a new suit and tie. Hisphone rings. He picks up.

MARTINHello?

DENISEMarty?

MARTIN(beat)

Denise?

DENISEDenny.

MARTINDenny.

INT. BUS, MOVING -- MORNING

AGAIN, VERY CLOSE ON DENISE, cellular phone to her ear. Behind her, through the window of the bus, we movethrough the streets of the city, office buildings passingin a blur. We get a sense that there are other peoplearound her -- but only a sense.

DENISEI'm not calling you to obligateyou in any way, Marty. That's inno way my intention. I wanna bevery clear on that.

MARTIN(after a beat,uncertain)

All right.

DENISEThis isn't about obligations.

MARTIN(beat)

All right.

33

INT. JERRY'S -- MORNING

Jerry in bed as usual, working. His phone rings. Hepicks it up.

JERRYHello?

MARTIN(very anxious)

It's Martin.

JERRYHi. How are you?

MARTINOverwhelmed.

JERRYSo what else is new?

MARTINNo. I mean... in my personallife.

JERRY(sitting up)

What's the matter?

MARTINWell, I... I did this... thing awhile ago. I didn't tellanybody, not a soul. And then Ijust forgot about it, put it outof my mind as if it neverhappened.

JERRYMartin, you're frightening me.

MARTINI read this article. It wasabout these women who aren'tmarried, and they don't have arelationship, and they're verybusy, and their biological clocksare ticking, and... so... they goto these places, and...

(beat)I went out and donated sperm.

34

JERRYReally?

MARTINI don't know what came over me.

JERRYI think I remember that article. Was it in Newsweek?

MARTINBut then, now, the recipient...It never even occurred to me, arecipient. I mean, if I'd justpaused to consider it for asecond I would have realized...It's part of the equation;Donor... Recipient.

(sighs)Anyway, she called me up, Denise,that's her name, the recipient,and she... she's pregnant withmy child.

JERRYNo kidding? Gee, I alwaysthought these things wereanonymous?

MARTINUsually they are. She knowssomeone who works in the... bank. He gave her my name.

JERRYOh? Is that ethical?

MARTINThey were old friends, went tohigh school together. They had athing, apparently. She helpedhim through a difficult time.

JERRYOh.

MARTINI can't believe it. I justdonated one sample. One lousysample.

Silence. Jerry doesn't know quite what to say.

35

Martin looks lost, anxious.

JERRYSo... what does she want? Childsupport?

MARTINOh no. Nothing like that. She... she's not that kind of aperson. She just wanted... tothank me, that's all. For makingher life complete.

JERRY(beat)

And what did you say?

MARTIN(beat)

You're welcome?

JERRYAll right.

MARTIN I didn't know what else to say.

JERRYWhat else could you say?

MARTINI don't know.

JERRYYou're welcome was fine.

MARTINAfter that, there was a longsilence. We just listened toeach other's breathing.

(beat)And then she gave me her numberand said that if I ever wantedto, I should call her and wecould get together.

JERRYAnd what did you say?

36

MARTIN(beat)

Thank you very much, but I don'tthink so.

JERRY(beat)

Nothing wrong with being honest.

MARTINExcept I was lying. I do thinkso. I wanna meet her, Jerry. Itruly wanna meet her.

JERRYThen do it.

MARTINI can't.

JERRYWhy not?

MARTINI'm so besieged, lately. I...I've never been this besieged!

JERRYYou can't make any time?

MARTINWell... sure... some... time,maybe. But then what? What ifwe get involved? Suddenly I'llhave all this responsibility onmy shoulders, and... All myplans, everything I've everworked for could go down thetubes! Do I sound like I'mrationalizing? Be honest.

JERRYWell, I gotta tell you,considering the circumstances,you're certainly running the realrisk that once you meet a morethan simply "impersonalrelationship" could develop. It's a legitimate concern.

37

MARTINShe's almost eight monthspregnant. Eight months pregnantwith my child!

JERRY(beat)

Isn't that something?

MARTIN(beat)

Yeah.

JERRY(smiles)

Congratulations.

MARTIN(automatically)

Thanks.(thinks about it fora long moment, and asit sinks in, relaxes,smiles)

JERRYIs it a boy or a girl?

MARTIN(lost in thought,snaps out of it)

What?

JERRYIs it a boy or a girl?

MARTINI don't know.

JERRYThey know these things very earlynow. She must have an idea.

EXT. CENTRAL PARK, HANSOM CAB -- LATE DAY

Denise rides alone in the carriage, the horse cloppety-cloppeting along Off Screen. For the first time we seehow hugely pregnant she is. Her cellular phone rings. She answers it.

38

DENISEHello?

MARTINDenny?

DENISEMarty?

MARTIN(beat)

How are you?

DENISEAll right. And you?

Martin is looking at a book which displays a series ofdrawings showing the growth of a child in a woman's womb,progressing month by month. We move to the figure of thewoman in her eighth month.

MARTINYou're showing?

DENISE(shrugs)

Just a little.

Silence.

DENISEIs that the only reason youcalled?

MARTINHm? No.

DENISE(hopeful)

Are you calling because you wannaget together?

MARTIN(long beat)

No.

DENISE(disappointed)

Oh.

MARTINBut I do.

39

DENISE(hopeful)

You do?

MARTINOnly not right now.

DENISE(disappointed)

Oh.

MARTINI'm... I'm deluged. I, I'venever been this... deluged.

DENISEI understand.

MARTINBut I will. Eventually. I'mgonna do some juggling and...eventually I'll make some time...And we'll get together for sure. Okay?

DENISEYou don't have to if you don'twant to, Marty.

MARTINOh, but I do.

DENISE(shrugs)

Whatever.

MARTINDenny?

DENISEHm?

MARTINIs it a boy or a girl?

DENISEI don't know.

MARTINOh. I thought... You know, theyknow that kind of thing earlynowadays.

40

DENISEOh, my doctor knows.

MARTINHe does?

DENISEI told him not to tell me. Iwant it to be a surprise. I likesurprises.

MARTIN(disappointed)

Oh.

DENISEYou don't like surprises?

MARTINOh, no, I... like surprises...sometimes. Like when I was akid, I wanted all my birthdayparties to be surprise parties.

DENISEReally? All your birthdays weresurprises?

MARTINNo. Only one. It was a bigsurprise.

DENISE(smiling)

I like surprises.

MARTINYeah, I'll never forget it longas I live. I was nine. Mybirthday came and went and nobodysaid a word. Not my parents, ormy brother... I didn't even geta card. At first I was a littleannoyed, you know, but then Irealized that this was a setupfor something big.

Denise smiles, warmed by Martin's nostalgic tone.

41

MARTIN(glazing over as herecollects)

Another day passed and I was verycoy. I didn't say anythingbecause I knew something wascoming and I didn't wanna ruinit. Each day that went by myexpectations rose. By the end ofthe week they were at a feverpitch. The suspense was almostunbearable. Finally, a week wentby... Then it was two weeks. Then a month...

...Silence. Denise waits. More silence. Denise issympathetic.

DENISEIf you wanna know the gender,Marty, I could arrange for you tofind out?

MARTINOh, no, that's not necessary.

DENISEIt's no problem. I'll just callmy doctor and have him tell you. But you have to promise not totell me. Even if I change mymind. No matter how much Iinsist on knowing, you must nevertell me. I made my doctor swear,and you have to swear too.

MARTINAll right.

DENISEOn your mother.

MARTINAll right.

DENISECross your heart and may you burnfor eternity in hell should youbreak it.

42

MARTIN(no big deal)

Okay.

INT. JERRY'S -- DAY

His phone rings. He picks it up.

JERRYHello?

BARBARAJerry?

JERRYSpeaking.

BARBARAThis is Barbara.

Jerry is speechless.

INT. CAR (MOVING), BARBARA -- DAY

She's on her car-phone, moving through traffic. She'snervous.

BARBARAYou know, Gale's... friend? TheGale who's the ex of your friend,Frank?

Silence.

JERRYOh. Hi. How are you?

Silence.

BARBARAAll right.

Silence.

JERRYRight.

Silence.

43

JERRYI'm sorry.

BARBARAExcuse me? No. No, I'm sorry.

JERRYYou're sorry? For what?

BARBARAWhy are you sorry?

JERRYBecause I never called you backafter we got disconnected. Ishould have called you back. Itwas rude of me not to.

Silence.

BARBARAWe didn't get disconnected.

Silence.

JERRYWe didn't?

BARBARAI hung up on you.

JERRYYou did?

BARBARAI was nervous. I... I'm sorry. That's the reason I called. Totell you I was sorry for hangingup on you. I was the rude one. Not you.

Silence.

JERRY Actually... it's not a clearcutsituation we're dealing withhere.

BARBARAIt's not?

44

JERRYYou see, I thought we weredisconnected and I didn't callyou back. I... I was nervoustoo.

BARBARAYou did?

(beat)You were?

JERRYI got cold feet. I haven't datedin a while. Anyway, I know youwere expecting me to call, and Ididn't. So I'm sorry about thatfor sure.

BARBARAIt doesn't matter.

JERRYYes it does.

BARBARANo. I took the phone off thehook. I thought you were gonnacall me back and I took the phoneoff the hook so I wouldn't haveto speak to you.

(beat) I had cold feet too.

JERRYNo kidding?

BARBARANo kidding.

JERRY(smiles)

I guess we have at least onething in common then, huh?

BARBARA(laughs)

Yeah.

JERRY(laughing)

Yeah.

45

They laugh together. Their laughter fades, along withany tension that existed.

JERRYSo, what do you do?

BARBARAHm? Oh, I work for this company. You know... telecommunications.

JERRYNo kidding? Me too.

BARBARAReally?

JERRYReally.

BARBARA(losing momentum, notknowing where to gonext)

Huh. Well. Huh.

JERRY(in the same bind)

Yeah.

Uncomfortable silence.

JERRYSo, uh, I guess that's two thingswe have in common, huh?

BARBARAHm?

(beat)Oh.

She laughs falsely and Jerry joins her, just as falsely. Their false laughter quickly fades.

JERRYSo... I... guess... we... shouldmake a date.

BARBARATo do what? Oh, right.

Another awkward silence.

46

JERRYSo...

...Jerry punches some keys on his computer.

JERRYLet's see what I have here. Nogood, no good, no good, booked,booked, booked... How about the21st?

Silence.

BARBARAI'm on the Long IslandExpressway.

JERRYExcuse me?

BARBARAI'm in my car on the Long IslandExpressway.

She honks her horn to prove it.

BARBARASee?

JERRYOh.

BARBARAI don't have my schedule with me.Well actually I, I do have aschedule with me, but it's not myprimary schedule, and I'd hate topencil you in and then get homeand check my primary scheduleonly to find that there was adiscrepancy.

JERRYI understand.

BARBARADo you?

JERRYAbsolutely.

47

BARBARASo, I'll... get back to you aboutit then. Okay?

JERRYOkay.

Silence.

BARBARARight.

Silence.

JERRYRight.

Silence.

BARBARAWell, Bye.

Silence.

JERRYBye.

They both hang up.

INT. GALE'S -- DAY

Gale sits at her monitor in a new outfit, dressed forbusiness. Her phone rings. She picks it up.

GALEHello?

INT. CAR (MOVING), BARBARA -- DAY

We watch Barbara in the reflection of her rearviewmirror.

BARBARAI spoke to Jerry.

GALEFinally. That's great.

48

A NEW ANGLE ON BARBARA: LOW, SHOWING HER TERROR

BARBARA(freaking)

No it isn't. I don't think wehave a thing in common.

GALEWhat are you talking about?

YET ANOTHER ANGLE ON BARBARA, CLOSER

BARBARASilences.

GALESilences?

ANOTHER ANGLE ON BARBARA

BARBARAThere were silences between everyone of our exchanges. Heavy,dead, incredibly oppressivesilences. Each one moreexcruciating than the next. It'sa bad omen. We're oil and water,Gale. I don't wanna go out withhim. It's wrong. He's wrong. Ihaven't got the time... And nowI'm suppose to call him back toconfirm a date?

GALEWill you stop. You're a bundleof nerves. You need to get out. You work too hard. You need toget laid. When the hell was thelast time you got laid?

Barbara, blushing, taken aback, glances out her window atthe man driving the car alongside her. He looks at herblankly. She looks away.

GALEBarbara?

BARBARA(defensive)

When was the last time you gotlaid?

49

GALEIrrelevant.

BARBARAApropos.

GALE(beat)

Last July. Satisfied?

BARBARA(beat)

Honest?

GALEHonest.

BARBARA(skeptical)

Who?

GALEYou don't know him.

BARBARA(surprised)

A one night stand?

GALE(looking around,uncomfortable)

I... I don't like that... phrase.

BARBARACome on, Gale. We're bestfriends.

GALE(after a deep breath)

It was the guy who came to fix myrefrigerator. Happy?

BARBARA(shocked)

Really?

GALEIt relieved alot of anxiety,Barbara, I can tell you that. Alot of anxiety.

50

BARBARAI... I don't know what to say.

GALEHey, we're only human.

Barbara is still in shock.

BARBARAI... thought I knew you, Gale.

GALE(sad, wistful)

The ice-maker still doesn't workright. It's never been the same.

Barbara remains quiet.

GALE(solemnly)

Call him, Barbara.(from the depths)

Call him.

INT. FRANK'S -- NIGHT

Frank sits munching from a bowl of popcorn while punchingkeys on his telephone, his ear to the receiver perchedbetween his shoulder and cheek. WE HEAR A PLEASANTFEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE OVER THE PHONE. Kind of thefemale version of "HAL" from Kubrick's "2001".

FEMALE VOICEThank you. If you are a firsttime caller, please press One. If you are a previous caller,press Two.

Frank presses TWO.

FEMALE VOICEThank you. If at any time youwould like to return to theprevious menu, you may do so bypressing the pound key. If thepound key is a current menuoption, press the star key. Torepeat this message, please pressthe star key now.

Pause. Frank does nothing.

51

FEMALE VOICEThank you. Please press yourpersonal identification numbernow.

Frank presses a three-digit number.

FEMALE VOICEThank you. Please hold while Iverify.

Frank waits.

FEMALE VOICEThank you. Remember, if at anytime you would like to return tothe previous menu, you may do soby pressing the pound key. Ifthe pound key is a current menuoption, press the star key. Torepeat this message, please pressthe star key now.

Frank does nothing.

FEMALE VOICEThank you. For your addedprotection, please press yournine digit Social Security Numbernow.

Frank presses the numbers.

FEMALEThank you. Please hold while Iverify.

Pause. Frank waits.

FEMALE VOICEThank you. Remember, if at anytime you would like to return tothe previous menu, you may do soby pressing the pound key. Ifthe pound key is a current menuoption, press the star key. However, if the star key is alsoa current option, please wait forthe next menu. To continue,please press the pound key... orthe star key... now.

52

Frank goes to press, hesitates, unsure which to press,then presses one.

FEMALE VOICE(after a beat)

Thank you...

...A CALL-WAITING BEEP interrupts. Frank gets it.

FRANKHello?

GALEHi, Frank.

Gale's voice is quieter than usual, more subdued, lackingits usual energy.

FRANKGale. What's up?

INT. GALE'S KITCHEN -- NIGHT

Gale, looking pensive, is cleaning her refrigerator,spraying it with an ammonia cleaner and wiping it downwith a sponge.

GALEOh, nothing. Just taking abreak, cleaning up. You?

FRANK(shrugs)

Not much. Eating popcorn.

GALEOh yeah? What brand?

FRANKPaul Newman.

GALEAny good?

FRANK(shrugs)

So-so. It's not my favorite.

GALEOh? They deliver the wrong one?

53

FRANKNo, no, I order it. I think ofit as a way of giving to charity. You know, all the profits go tocharity. I buy his dressing too. It makes me feel good.

Gale stops wiping, stares at her reflection in the nowpolished refrigerator door.

GALEThat's because you're a caringperson, Frank.

FRANKAh, I wouldn't go that far. After all, it's not like I don'teat it.

GALEDon't shortchange yourself,Frank.

Frank finally begins to notice Gale's melancholy.

GALEYou have a good heart. Youalways had a good heart.

FRANKIs everything all right, Gale?

GALE(distractedly)

Hm? Yeah. Sure. Everything'sfine.

Silence. Frank is concerned.

GALE(snapping out of it,she rises)

I better get back to work. I'lltalk to you soon, okay?

FRANKGale?

GALEYeah?

Silence.

54

FRANKNothing. Nevermind.

CLOSE ON GALE

GALEI miss you, Frank.

Silence.

FRANKI... miss you too.

GALEMaybe we shouldn't have split up.

FRANK(beat)

We didn't exactly split up, Gale. We just kind of... faded awayfrom each other.

GALEWhen was the last time we weretogether?

FRANK(beat, has to think)

Five years?

GALENo?

FRANKTo be honest, I think it's beenlonger.

GALEGod.

FRANKTime flies, huh?

GALE (beat)

Work can certainly swallow you upif you let it.

FRANKYeah. And we let it.

55

GALEYeah.

Silence. They both reflect.

FRANKWhich is generally good. But,like most things, there's adownside.

GALEFrank, let's promise ourselveswe'll get together. And thistime I mean it, no more excuses. I'll give a party, invite somefriends, really do it up. Whatdo you say?

FRANK(affectionately)

Sounds great.

INT. JERRY'S -- NIGHT

Jerry lies in bed, the covers drawn up to his nose. Hestares at the ceiling. He can't sleep. He's mullingsomething over, working up courage. Suddenly, making uphis mind, he sits up, turns on the lamp, picks up thephone, and quickly dials.

INT. BARBARA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT

Pitch dark. The phone rings. It rings again. The lightcomes on. Barbara, semi-conscious, answers her phone.

BARBARAHello? Hello?

JERRYI didn't wake you, did I?

Barbara is incoherent.

BARBARAHm? No. No. No, not at all. Iwas up. I'm up... Up.

56

JERRYIs it an awkward time? If it'san awkward time, I, I can call ata less awkward time.

BARBARA(confused)

No. No, now is a good time. This is a good time.

(beat) What time is it?

JERRYI woke you up, didn't I? I'msorry.

BARBARA(sitting up, lookingat her clock,squinting, focusing)

No. I'm awake. Really. I wasjust... I fell down.

JERRY(concerned)

You fell down?

BARBARAYes. But now I'm up. I got up. That's why I sounded funny. Because I fell down and hit myhead.

JERRYOh my god. Are you all right?

BARBARAFine. I'm fine. No bruises. I'm fine. Who is this?

JERRYJerry.

BARBARAJerry?

(beat)Jerry! Jerry. How are youJerry?

57

JERRY(embarrassed)

I'm so sorry. It was idiotic ofme to call at this hour.

BARBARANo, really. It's fine, really.

JERRYI just wanted to... let you knowas soon as possible that I... Ican't make it the 21st. I'msorry. I was mistaken. It was amistake.

BARBARAOh. That's too bad. It's gonnabe hard after that. I'm goingaway the whole following week onbusiness.

JERRYNo kidding? That is too bad.

BARBARAI hate to travel, but I have tosometimes.

JERRYYeah, I hate to travel too.

Silence. They don't know what else to say to oneanother.

JERRY(click-click)

That's my call-waiting. Hold on.(click-click)

Hello?

MARTIN(pacing, thrilled)

It's a boy! A boy! Hey, Ididn't wake you, did I?

JERRYNo. I was up.

58

MARTIN(can't stop moving,giddy with joy, antsin his pants, sits inhis chair, jumps up,sits, etc.)

It's a boy, Jerry. Denise ishaving a boy. I'm gonna have aboy. Can you believe it?

JERRY(smiling)

Really? That's wonderful,Martin. That's really wonderful.

MARTINI'm just... It was so... I had totalk to somebody. I know it'slate. I hope you don't mind.

JERRYHold on, Martin.

(click-click)Barbara?

BARBARAJerry.

JERRY(brightly)

It's Martin, this friend of mine. He's a father to be and he justfound out he's gonna have a son.

BARBARA(smiling)

Oh, isn't that nice. Tell him Isaid congratulations.

JERRY(click-click)

Barbara says congratulations.

Martin leans back in his swivel chair, hands behind hishead, feet up on his desk, beaming.

MARTINTell her I said thanks.

JERRY(click-click)

He says thanks.

59

Jerry and Barbara share a warm smile. Jerry CLICK-CLICK'S back to Martin.

JERRYWell well well. Isn't thissomething.

MARTINIsn't it?

JERRYIt is.

MARTINI... I feel... great.

JERRYSo do I.

MARTIN I don't remember the last time Ifelt so good.

JERRYNeither do I.

Martin is lost in dreamy reflection, grinning from ear toear.

So is Jerry.

They grin stupidly together for a moment. Then:

MARTINSay daddy.

JERRYWhat?

MARTINI just wanna see how it sounds.

JERRY(tries it, in thespirit of fun, whatthe heck)

Daddy.

60

MARTIN("deeply" savoringthe syllable as itrolls off his tongue)

Son.

JERRY(getting into it,with risingenthusiasm)

Daddy.

MARTINSon.

JERRYDaddy!

MARTIN(ecstatic)

SON! MY SON! MY SON!

They both roar with laughter!

MARTINGod, I can't believe this. Canyou believe this? I can'tbelieve this!

JERRY(click-click)

This is incredible!

Barbara is grinning, glowing.

JERRY(click-click)

Gotta go, "daddy". I'll talk toyou tomorrow.

MARTINBye-bye, SON!

JERRY(click-click)

Barbara?

BARBARAJerry.

They're both brimming over, energized.

61

JERRYSo, uh, listen, when you get backfrom your trip, I'll call you andwe'll get together.

BARBARAI'd like that.

JERRYWould you?

BARBARAYes.

JERRYGreat. So... Have a good trip.

BARBARAThanks.

JERRYTake care.

BARBARAYou too.

They both linger, receivers at their ears, not wanting tosay goodbye just yet.

JERRYWell... Bye.

BARBARABye.

Jerry reluctantly hangs up.

Barbara hangs up, then falls back into bed with a deepsigh of pleasure.

FADE OUT, FADE UP:

FOUR DAYS LATER

62

FADE IN:

INT. MARTIN'S -- DAY

Martin punches happily away at his keyboard. We've neverseen him so happy. Cheerful music plays; It's achildren's song. Perhaps "Shake Your Silly's Out". Martin sings along, starts pattering the keyboard as ifthey were piano keys. Everywhere we look are children'stoys, books on children and child-rearing, a baby mobilehangs from the ceiling above Martin's head. Martin'sjoyfulness rises along with the joy of the song. Suddenly, his phone interrupts. He turns down the music,picks up the phone.

MARTIN(singing it)

Hell-lo!

DENISEMarty?

MARTINYo! Denny! Whatchya say?

DENISE(uncertain)

Marty... Weiner?

MARTINThe one and only!

EXT. STATEN ISLAND FERRY -- DAY

DENISE ON DECK, a cellular phone to her ear. The windblows hard, throwing her hair about. The Statue OfLiberty passes in the background.

DENISE(looking worried)

You don't do drugs, do you,Marty?

MARTINDrugs? No! Absolutely not! Never! Are you kidding? And Inever drink, smoke, or curseeither.

(feels his pockets)Hey. God damn it, I left mycigarettes at the bar.

63

Martin howls with laughter!

Denise is confused.

Martin gets control of himself, catches his breath.

DENISEMarty?

MARTINSorry, but that... that was justsuch a perfect set up. You leftyourself wide open. So how areyou? Any nausea? Cramps? Cravings?

DENISE(getting to thepoint)

Did you call Dr. Brennan?

MARTINYes. Yes I did as a matter afact. I did indeed.

DENISEAnd did he... tell you?

MARTINYep. He sure did.

DENISESo?

MARTINHuh?

DENISEMy baby. Is it going to be a boyor a girl?

Martin's chipper mood dissolves.

MARTINWell, uh... Gee, I thought youmade me promise not to tell you?

DENISEDid I? I don't remember. Whatever. So which is it?

64

MARTINDenny. You know you made meswear. On my mother. And youmade it extremely clear how youfeel about people who break theirpromises.

DENISEOkay, maybe I did. Thatcertainly sounds like somethingI'd say.

(rolls her eyes,shakes her head)

I'm such a character sometimes. But I didn't mean it to be thatserious a promise or anything.

MARTINI... I don't know what to say.

DENISE(losing patience)

Look, Martin, this is my babywe're talking about.

MARTIN(loosening his tie)

God, I feel so... conflicted. Totell you the truth, I kind ofwish I'd never found out. Inhindsight, I've ruined the thrillof the surprise for myself and Iregret that deeply.

DENISECome on, Marty. Male or female?

MARTIN(torn, anxious)

Which... which would you prefer?

DENISEEither. It doesn't matter to meone iota. As long as it'shealthy and grows up to be agood, soulful, moral, loving,spiritual, giving human being.

MARTINWow. That's a beautifulattitude.

65

DENISEAfter that, a girl.

MARTINA girl?

DENISE(disappointed)

Why? Is it a boy?

MARTIN(flubbing)

Uh, buh... Well...

DENISE(gleeful, hopping upand down, rubbing herstomach)

It's a girl! It's a girl!(stops)

Right?

Martin can't speak.

DENISE(pleading)

Please, Marty? Pretty please? Iwas gonna call the doctor, but Iknow he'd just gimme the samestupid you-made-me-swear-on-my-mother-bullshit you're pulling onme right now!

EXT. AIRPORT -- NIGHT

A jumbo jet takes off!

INT. AIRPLANE, BARBARA IN HER WINDOW SEAT -- NIGHT

Barbara dials her Airfone.

INT. GALE'S -- NIGHT

Gale's phone rings. An elderly woman picks it up. Thisis Gale's AUNT.

AUNTHello?

66

BARBARAUh... Hello. Is... is Galethere?

AUNTMay I ask who's calling?

BARBARABarbara. Barbara Gorton.

AUNTAnd may I ask what this is inreference to?

BARBARANothing. I'm... a friend.

AUNTOh. I'm sorry, Barbara, but...

(beat -- no other wayto say it)

Gale passed away.

INT. JERRY'S -- NIGHT

Jerry lies in bed, punching away at his keyboard. Hisphone rings. He picks it up.

JERRYHello?

INT. HOTEL ROOM -- NIGHT

Drab and tacky, but clean. Barbara sits on the edge ofher bed, eyes raw, nose red, weary.

BARBARA(solemn, benumbed)

Hi, it's Barbara.

JERRY(smiling)

Hi. I'm glad you called. Whereare you?

BARBARABoise. My hotel room. I justchecked in.

67

JERRYOh. Is it nice?

Silence.

JERRY(sensing something)

Barbara?

BARBARAGale died.

JERRYWhat?

BARBARAIt was a car accident.

JERRYOh my god.

BARBARAHalf her face is gone.

JERRYExcuse me?

BARBARAHer aunt was... very explicitregarding the details. It wassort of difficult to listen to,but... I think it made her feelbetter to talk about it, so Ididn't interrupt.

Jerry is agog, speechless.

BARBARA(evenly, benumbed byit all)

Apparently she was on the phonewhen it happened. They knowbecause the impact not onlysnapped her spinal cord, butforced the receiver through herear canal. It broke rightthrough the sphenoid and temporalbones and lodged in her brain.

68

JERRYJesus. I... I didn't know hervery well, but... I had talked toher a couple of times -- thoughwe never actually met.

BARBARA(still can't believeit)

She had a way of speaking thatlifted your spirits. Her voicealone, just the voice...

(beat)It... bounced. It had a bounce. It made you feel good.

INT. FRANK'S -- NIGHT

Frank works at his monitor. The phone rings.

FRANK(answering)

Hello?

JERRY(sullen)

Hello, Frank.

FRANKJerry?

JERRYI just called to offer mycondolences.

FRANKWhat are you talking about?

JERRY(beat)

Don't you know?

FRANKWhat?

JERRY(pained; bracinghimself; he wishes heweren't the one)

Gale passed away.

69

FRANKWhat?

JERRYI'm sorry. I thought you knew.

Frank can't speak.

JERRYFrank?

Frank is in shock.

INT. LINDA'S -- NIGHT

Linda is sitting in front of her monitor, staring at itblankly.

The screen is blank, turned off. Linda's phone rings. She picks it up.

LINDAHello?

BARBARAHi, Linda? This is BarbaraGorton. I'm not sure if youremember me.

LINDASure.

(beat)You were invited to my party.

BARBARAThat's right. Look, I'm justcalling to let you know...

LINDAI know.

BARBARAOh.

Silence. Linda is a zombie.

BARBARAThe... The funeral's tomorrow.

(beat)Are you going?

70

LINDAOf course.

BARBARAYou two were close, I know.

LINDA(beat)

We were.

Silence.

BARBARASo, I guess I'll... I'll see youat the funeral then?

LINDA(beat)

Of course.

BARBARAWell... Bye.

LINDABye.

They hang up. Linda just sits there, staring at hermonitor.

INT. MARTIN'S -- NIGHT

Martin is studying his monitor intensely. His phonerings. He picks it up.

MARTINYeah?

JERRYMartin.

MARTINMm.

JERRYI'm not interrupting anything, amI?

71

MARTINHuh? No, I'm just reading thelatest pregnancy statistics onthis medical research bulletinboard. Did you know that theU.S. has the highest childmortality rate of anyindustrialized nation?

JERRYGale died.

MARTIN(a gasp)

Oh my god. That's terrible.(beat)

Who's Gale?

JERRY(depressed)

You know. I told you about her. She's the woman that got Barbaraand I together. Even though wehaven't actually gotten togetheryet. But we will. And it'll beall thanks to Gale.

MARTINOh yeah. God, that's... I'msorry.

JERRYI only spoke to her once. Ibarely knew her. Yet I've beendeeply affected by her death. It's crazy.

MARTINDon't say that. It's not crazy.

JERRYShe was so young.

Martin nods, silently sympathizing.

JERRY(beat, filled withsorrow)

I think.

72

EXT. ELEVATED SUBWAY TRAIN -- NIGHT

It moves noisily over the elevated tracks, the incredibleNew York skyline magnificent in the background. We heara phone beeep, then get picked up.

DENISE (V.O.)Hello?

INT. SUBWAY TRAIN -- NIGHT

Denise sits all alone, her cellular phone to her ear,waiting for a response to her greeting. But no reply isforthcoming, the vacuum of silence filled by the roar ofthe noisy subway car.

DENISEHello?

Martin sits on his bed, a light source glowing under hischin, illuminating his somber face.

MARTINI'm sorry. Did I wake you? Goback to sleep.

He hangs up.

Denise looks at her phone.

Martin's phone rings. He picks it up.

MARTINHello.

DENISEMartin?

MARTINYes?

DENISE Did you just call me?

MARTINI barely knew her. It was afriend of a friend's friend. Shedied.

DENISEI'm sorry.

73

A solemn silence.

MARTINYou're not still mad at me fortelling you it's gonna be a boy,are you?

DENISENo. Don't be silly. I forgotall about it as soon as I hungup.

MARTINI couldn't bear the thought ofyou staying mad at me. There'stoo much pain in the world. Toomuch... suffering.

Denise winces in pain, grabs at her belly.

DENISEOoh.

MARTYDenny?

DENISEListen.

She puts the phone to her bulging belly.

Martin listens intently.

Denise brings her phone back to her ear.

DENISEDid you hear it?

MARTINI think so. I think I did, yes.

(beat)What was it?

DENISEOur child, Marty. Did you hearhis heartbeat?

MARTIN(marveling)

Yeah. Yeah. I thought it wasjust static in the line, but nowthat I know what it was.

74

DENISEWhat do you wanna name him,Marty?

MARTINMe? You're asking me what Iwanna name him?

DENISESure. Why not?

MARTINWell... actually... I havethought about it a little bit. Ijust didn't wanna say anythingbecause I didn't think it was myplace.

DENISEI'd love to hear your thoughts,Marty. I really would.

MARTINWell, since you put it thatway...

...Martin looks down and we finally see the source of thelight coming from below his face -- It's a small lampilluminating an assortment of books. They're all brandnew and they're all about naming babies. Martin eagerlyopens up one of the books to a book-marked page.

MARTINWhat do you think about, uh...

...Martin pauses for effect.

Denise braces herself, eager and hopeful.

MARTINEdward.

Denise's face falls.

MARTINIt's Anglo Saxon for "prosperousguardian".

Silence.

MARTINYou don't like it?

75

DENISENo, no, no, it's... a name.

MARTINWhat's wrong with it?

DENISEI don't know. It's just... "prosperous guardian". It'snot... special enough. I wantour baby to have a name that'sspecial.

MARTINWell, what did you have in mind?

DENISEI hadn't really thought aboutboys names much, but when I wasthinking it might be a girl, Iwas toying with... Oh, I don'tknow... Aphrodite?

MARTINAphrodite?

DENISE(scowling)

Yeah. Why not? What's wrongwith Aphrodite?

MARTINNothing... Nothing...

(flips though hisbook, finds page,reads)

Jesus, it's Greek for goddess ofLove.

DENISELook, it obviously isn't going tobe an Aphrodite, so thequestion's moot. But I stillfeel the name has to be special.

MARTIN(flipping anxiouslythrough the book)

How about... Robert.

Silence.

76

MARTINAll right. Here's another one.

(beat, selling it)Jonathan.

DENISE(thinking)

Look up Penley.

MARTINPenley?

DENISELook it up.

Martin, troubled, flips pages, finds it, reads it tohimself, can't speak.

DENISEWell?

MARTINLook, if you're into P's, there'sa whole bunch of'em. I have onehere I've circled...

DENISEWhat does Penley mean?

MARTIN(reluctantly reading)

"Penley. Old English for...enclosed pasture."

DENISE(to herself, withawe, imagining it)

Enclosed... pasture.

Martin looks worried.

INT. HOTEL ROOM -- NIGHT

It's dark. Barbara sits on the bed, wiping tears fromher eyes with a tissue. Her phone rings. She picks itup.

BARBARAHello?

77

JERRY(gently)

How are you holding up?

BARBARAOkay... I guess. Just barely,actually.

Barbara sighs wearily, dries her eyes. It's been a longday.

Jerry listens.

Barbara blows her nose.

BARBARAExcuse me.

JERRYBarbara?

BARBARAYeah?

JERRYDo you... want me to hang up?

BARBARA(beat, thinks aboutthis)

No. I don't wanna be alone.(beat)

I like the sound of your voice onthe line.

Silence. Jerry is touched. They share a moment. Then...

BARBARAJerry?

JERRYYes?

BARBARAWould you stay on until I getinto bed?

JERRYSure.

78

Barbara rises, turns on her lamp, crosses to the dresser,opens the top drawer, starts searching through it.

Jerry waits, listening to nothing.

Barbara pauses, listens to the void, momentarily worried.

BARBARAJerry?

JERRYYeah?

BARBARAJust checking.

Reassured, she resumes her search.

Jerry listens.

JERRYTalk to me, Barbara. What areyou doing?

BARBARAI'm looking through my drawers. I... I need to find somethingcomfortable to wear to bed. Ineed to get a good nights sleep.

JERRY(beat)

In bed.

BARBARA(stops, slightlyjarred)

That's... right.(beat)

In bed.(shakes off herdiscomfort andresumes her search)

I hope I brought something. Iwas in such a rush when I left. Let's see, I have a... a pair offlannel pajamas.

Barbara stops again -- as a thought strikes her.

The silence unnerves Jerry.

79

JERRYBarbara?

BARBARA(testing the waters)

What do... you... think?

JERRYHuh?

BARBARAAbout the pajamas?

JERRYPajamas?

BARBARAShould I... take off... what I'mwearing and... put them on?

Silence. Jerry is fearful... but tantalized.

JERRY(groping his waythrough dark, unknownwaters)

I don't know. Is... Is the roomchilly?

Barbara, just as fearful... just as tantalized.

BARBARANo. It's... it's quite warm inhere actually. And a little...sticky.

JERRYReally? Well then, the, uh...pajamas would be all wrong then,wouldn't they?

BARBARAYou're right. You are absolutelyright.

Silence.

BARBARASo... where do we go from here?

80

JERRY(beat -- thensuddenly braving it)

What kind of... underwear do youhave?

Barbara is paralyzed.

Jerry winces in agony -- he wants to die!

JERRYOh god. I'm sorry. I'm so...

BARBARA(quickly)

What? For what? What are yousorry for? I have, let's see...

...She looks down into the drawer, picks up a pair oflarge white cotton underwear.

BARBARAHow about a fresh pair of whitecotton panties?

JERRYThat, uh... sounds comfortable.

Barbara's voice is beginning to change subtly. It'sgetting raspier, breathier...

BARBARADo you really think so?

Jerry is beginning to breath a little heavier.

JERRYYes.

BARBARAYou know, it's so extremely warmin here that... maybe I'll justsleep... naked.

JERRY(rivetted)

There's an idea.

BARBARAWhat about you? What's thetemperature like in your...bedroom?

81

JERRY(unbuttoning hispajama top)

Warm. Very... warm... Hot,actually. And humid too.

BARBARAReally? You should call yourSuper. Too much... moisture isbad for the electronic equipment.

Jerry has taken his shirt off.

BARBARAOh, wait a minute. Look what Ihave here.

Barbara reaches into the drawer and pulls out a singlelong red wool argyle sock.

BARBARAWhy, it's a red silk teddy. Tsk,I've been looking all over forthis.

Jerry is gulps.

JERRYWill wonders... never cease.

BARBARA(getting into it)

And looky here!

She pulls out the matching sock.

JERRYWhat?

BARBARAA lollipop.

Jerry's top lip curls. He's become an animal.

Barbara's moist lips part...

INT. LINDA'S -- NIGHT

Linda still stares at her monitor. Suddenly, zombie-like, she raises her arm, reaches out and presses theplayback button on her answering machine.

82

The message rewinds and plays back:

GALE'S VOICE(we hear hornshonking in thebackground, sounds oftraffic)

Hi, Lin. Gale. Just wanted totell you that I'm planning aparty and...

...SUDDENLY, SCREECHING TIRES, A HORRIBLE SCREAM, THESOUND OF A TERRIBLE CRASH, AND THEN... A DIAL TONE.

Linda continues to stare at her monitor as the dial tonecontinues to sound like a sad, mournful wail...

...SLOW FADE OUT.

THE NEXT MORNING

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL ROOM -- MORNING

Pillows are on the floor, the sheets hang off the bed indisarray. Barbara lies sprawled across her bed, naked,wrapped in her sheets, phone chord twisted around her,the telephone itself lying beside her face. Suddenly,the phone rings and she snaps to, startled, picks up thephone.

BARBARAHe-hello?

JERRYGood morning.

BARBARA(shutting eyes, lyingback, melting)

Mmmmmm-morning.

Jerry, relaxed, eyes shut, lying back across his bed,naked, the base of his phone sitting on his crotch.

JERRYI didn't wake you, did I?

83

BARBARA(sighing dreamily inthe positive)

Mm-hm.

JERRYI'm not sorry. Do you wanna goback to sleep?

BARBARA(sighs in thenegative)

Mm-mm.

Jerry grins.

Barbara, eyes still shut, smiles.

EXT. QUIET SIDE STREET (QUEENS) -- MORNING

It's very early. The street is empty, eerily silent. Then someone appears in the distance...

MOVING WITH FRANK, CLOSE ON HIS FACE

as he walks down the sidewalk. Frank looks nervous,edgy. Then something catches his eye and he slows to astop.

FRANK'S POV

The funeral home. Not a soul in sight. The wind blows anewspaper across the street.

BACK TO FRANK

Staring for a long, uneasy moment. Finally, he gathershis courage and moves toward it...

INT. FUNERAL HOME -- MORNING

ANGLE ON THE ENTRANCE

We hear voices, but can't make them out. Frank steps in,reticent. He moves toward a doorway, then stops,discreetly, peers in, but doesn't enter.

84

FRANK'S POV

At the other end of the room, THREE ELDERLY WOMEN standaround an open casket, their aged figures back-lit by ahuge, luminous, stained-glass window. At first we don'tnotice as we're so far away, but then we realize that oneof the women is Gale's Aunt. The women talk too quietly,in hushed tones, nodding sadly, their words echoingsoftly in the solemn chamber...

ELDERLY LADY #1I hadn't seen her in ages, butshe'd always find the time tocall.

ELDERLY LADY #2I just talked to her last week.

GALE'S AUNTEven if she survived she wouldhave been a vegetable. As it is,she swallowed her tongue so wedidn't have to make the decisionabout artificial respiration.

BACK TO FRANK

as he slowly backs away... then turns around, and walksout.

INT. AIRPLANE, BARBARA IN HER WINDOW SEAT -- DAY

Barbara sits at her window seat, the window shade down,lost in her thoughts, returning home.

INT. LINDA'S -- NIGHT

Linda works at her monitor in her usual melancholy. Herphone rings. She answers it.

LINDAHello?

Frank at his desk, the blinds shut, the lights out, themonitor glowing. It's a gloomy scene to go along withhis gloomy mood.

FRANKHi, Linda. Frank Oliver.

85

LINDAHi.

FRANK(beat)

I... went to the funeral.

LINDA(nervous)

Oh? How was it?

FRANKI didn't stay very long.

LINDAI don't blame you.

FRANKI couldn't.

LINDA(guiltily)

I wanted to go, I really did. But I've never been to a funeralin my life. They're sodiscouraging. And I don't have agood outlook on life as it is.

FRANKYou're mourning in your own way. Gale would have understood.

LINDAYou think so?

FRANKDon't feel bad. Death is...Well, it's not for everybody.

Silence.

FRANKI don't know if you know, butGale and I were... We were veryclose.

Silence. The gloom engulfs them as they commiserate.

LINDAShe was a nice person.

86

FRANKWasn't she though?

LINDAHer voice bounced. Did you evernotice the way it bounced?

FRANKAll the time.

More silence shared.

LINDAShe was a little pushy sometimes,though. And a little bit of aknow-it-all... But likablepushy. And she did know alot. She, she cared about people inher likable-pushy kinda way. Shereally cared.

FRANKShe did.

LINDAYeah.

Silence.

FRANKShe was gonna have a party. Shewanted everybody, all herfriends, to get together. It'sso hard to get to see everybody.

Linda nods sadly -- it's true.

FRANK(beat)

I think we should still do it. You know, kind of in Gale'shonor.

LINDAIn memoriam.

FRANK(beat)

If I planned one, would... youcome?

87

LINDAI don't know, I... You know howit is. It's according when youhad it. When would you have it?

FRANKI don't know. But I'd try tomake it a convenient time foreveryone. If it was a...convenient time... would youcome?

LINDAAbsolutely.

INT. BARBARA'S -- NIGHT

Barbara sits at her monitor, taps her keyboard, workingaway. Her phone rings. She picks it up.

BARBARAHello?

Jerry lies across his bed, head hanging off it, upsidedown, laptop open on his stomach.

JERRYWhat are you wearing?

BARBARA(giggles)

Tsk, stop. I just got back.

JERRYIs it that rayon blouse? Youknow, the one that makes youfeel... immodest?

It is.

BARBARA(loving it)

You're such an animal.

JERRYSorry I didn't meet you at theairport, but I got hung up.

BARBARAOh, don't be silly. I told younot to.

88

JERRYYeah, but I wanted to.

BARBARAIt wasn't necessary.

JERRYBut I was going to anyway.

BARBARADon't be silly.

JERRYBut I wanted to, honest to god,and I was determined. But Icouldn't. I'm sorry.

BARBARA(touched)

You are so thoughtful.

JERRY(modest)

Ah.

BARBARASo, did you... go to the funeral?

JERRY(sitting up,uncomfortable)

Uh, no. I wanted to. Very much. But like I said, I, I got hung upand... I guess this means youdidn't make it either?

BARBARA(feeling terrible)

By the time I got back, with thisand that and the next thing andbefore I knew it... I planned onit, and I was running around likea chicken without its head,but...

(it just didn't workout)

Jerry reflects gloomily for a moment.

Barbara looks the same.

89

JERRYAll this talk of death... Call medepraved, but it's making mewanna... you know.

(beat, unsure abouthow this is playing)

Is that all right?

Silence. Barbara's mood has darkened. We can almostfeel her heart beating, the passion rising in her...

The same dark look has come over Jerry.

A MONTAGE

AS TONY BENNETT CROONS "MY FUNNY VALENTINE", WE WATCH AS,IN SLOW MOTION, DISSOLVING IN AND OUT OF, FOR INSTANCE:MOIST LIPS PART AT RECEIVERS; A PHONE MOVES DOWN THE NAPEOF A MAN'S NECK AND OVER HIS CHEST; FINGERS TWISTTHEMSELVES AROUND A PHONE CORD; EARS LISTEN AT RECEIVERS;A MAN'S HAND CARESSES A RECEIVER AS IF IT WERE...; APHONE MOVES TEASINGLY OVER A BARE BREAST; EYES CLOSE INECSTACY; A PHONE SLIDES PROVOCATIVELY UP THE INSIDE OF AWOMAN'S THIGH TOWARD...; ANOTHER PHONE EASES OVER A MALEBELLY BUTTON ON IT'S WAY TO... (LIKE THAT)

...FADE OUT, FADE UP:

A TITLE. We hear tappety-tapping...

TWO WEEKS LATER

CUT TO:

INT. MARTIN'S -- DAY

Martin is on the phone, tapping away at his keyboard ashe half-listens, half-concentrates on his screen.

MARTIN...Mm-hm, mm-hm. Yeah. Yeah...

INT. JERRY'S -- DAY

Jerry paces anxiously. He's in his pajamas as usual, butthis time it looks like he hasn't changed them in a week. He needs a shave, and he hasn't slept. He feels great,but looks terrible.

90

JERRY...I love her so much! I thinkabout her constantly, constantly! Every waking moment. I can't gether out of my mind! I've neverfelt this way about anyonebefore. Never! This is the realthing, Martin, the real thing.

(click-click)Hold on.

(click-click)Hello?

Barbara sits, back to her monitor, taking a break.

BARBARA(breathy, seductive)

Hi.

JERRY(aroused)

Hold on. I'm on the other line. I'll get off.

(click-click)Martin?

Martin's gone pale, wide-eyed, terror-stricken.

MARTINJerry! I've got Denise on theother line and I think she'sgoing into labor!

JERRYJesus. Hold on.

(click-click)It's Martin. Denise is in labor.

BARBARAHow far apart are hercontractions?

JERRY(click-click)

How far apart are hercontractions?

MARTIN(click-click)

How far apart are yourcontractions?

91

EXT. SIDEWALKS -- DAY

Denise stands on the street, one hand raised, trying tohail a cab, the other hand holding the cellular phone toher ear. She doesn't look well. She glances at herwatch.

DENISEThree minutes.

MARTIN(click-click)

Three minutes!

JERRY(click-click)

Three minutes!

BARBARAOh my god.

JERRY(click-click)

JESUS GOD!

MARTIN(click-click)

MOTHER OF GOD!

DENISE(holding her stomachas a cab pulls up)

I've got a cab. I'm going to thehospital.

MARTINWhich one? Maybe... Maybe Icould...

(hedging)....me-meet you...

INT. CAB -- DAY

Denise, in the backseat, as the cab pulls away.

92

DENISE(frantically, as sheslams her door shut)

No! No! Don't get off the line!(to cabby,controlled)

St. Vincents.(to Martin,frantically)

Promise me you won't get off theline! Don't leave me, Marty! Swear to me you won't leave me!

MARTINI swear! I swear!

(beat)Hold on a sec.

(click-click)Jerry?

JERRY(feeling helpless)

What the hell is going on?

MARTINShe's in a taxi heading for thehospital.

JERRY(click-click)

She's heading for the hospital.

BARBARAHow is she doing?

JERRY(click-click)

How's she doing?

MARTIN(click-click)

How you doing?

The CABDRIVER, a recently landed immigrant, has thephone. He calmly glances in his rearview mirror.

CABDRIVERShe doing all right.

MARTIN(click-click)

She's doing all right

93

JERRY(click-click)

She's all right.

Martin looks bewildered.

MARTIN(click-click)

Who's this?

CABDRIVERVladamir Kupchek, cabdriver. Howyou do? Denise, she's give mephone, say me to tell you havingprivate moment, to pleasestandby.

MARTIN(firm, unwaveringloyalty)

Tell her I'm here, I'm righthere.

CABDRIVER(holding up the phoneto show Denise)

He's right here.(to Martin)

Are you the father?

MARTINYes.

CABDRIVERCongratulations.

MARTINThank you.

CABDRIVERMy wife, she pregnant too.

MARTINReally? Congratulations to you.

CABDRIVERThank you. Boy or girl?

MARTINUh, boy. And you?

94

CABDRIVERDon't know. We tell doctor notto spoil surprise.

Martin reacts.

INT. ST. VINCENTS HOSPITAL, CORRIDOR -- DAY

CLOSE ON DENISE, face contorted, perspiring, lies on herback, getting wheeled down the corridor. She holds thecellular phone to her ear. We can see some of the handspushing her -- but no other faces. Denise is,effectively, as always, alone in the frame.

DENISEMarty? Are you there? Marty?

MARTINDenise?

DENISE(comforted)

Marty.

MARTINDon't worry, I'm right here,Denise.

BARBARAHi, Denise.

DENISEWho's that?

MARTINBarbara, a friend of my friendJerry who's also...

JERRYHi, Denise.

MARTINI arranged to have us all put onconference call. You don't mind,do you, Denny? The other way wasso unmanageable and you told meonce you liked meeting newpeople...

95

DENISEYou're so thoughtful, Marty. Ihope our son is half asthoughtful.

BARBARAHow are you doing?

DENISEAll right, I guess.

JERRYJust hang in there, Denise.

FRANKHello? Jerry?

JERRYFrank?

DENISEFrank who?

FRANKWho's that?

JERRY

Frank? Is that you? What areyou doing on the line?

FRANKI was just calling you. What'sgoing on?

JERRYI'm on a conference call. Howdid you get on the line?

FRANKI don't know.

JERRYSomething must be screwed up.

BARBARA(shaking her head,forever amazed)

Technology.

FRANKSorry. I'll get off...

96

DENISENo. No, don't get off. The morevoices the better. It'scomforting.

FRANKWho's that?

JERRYThat's Denise. She's havingMartin's baby.

FRANKMartin Weiner?

MARTINHi, Frank.

FRANKHi, Martin. Hi, Denise.

JERRYAnd Barbara's on also.

BARBARAHi, Frank.

MAN'S VOICEHello?

JERRYWho's that?

And now we see a man we've never seen before, dressed forsurgery. And we get the idea (based on details in thebackground and the fact that we've come to a stop) thatwe're now in the delivery room.

DOCTORWho's this?

JERRYWho's this?

DOCTORThis is Dr. Brennan.

97

MARTIN(smiling)

Oh, hi, Dr. Brennan. This isMartin Weiner. Remember? Wespoke on the phone a couple ofweeks ago.

DOCTOR(sternly)

I thought you promised youweren't going to tell her?

MARTIN(embarrassed)

Sorry about that.

DOCTORThis is highly irregular, Martin. But Denise insists, and...

(rolls his eyes up)...You know Denise. And as thehospital hasn't formed a policyyet I'm going to permit it,but...

LINDAHello?

DOCTORHello?

LINDAIs this 966-3112?

FRANKLinda?

LINDAFrank?

TIME CUT TO:

CLOSE ON DENISE

on the delivery table, face squeezed taught into apainful grimace, grunting, agonizing as if in torture,apparently giving birth as a nurse's hand holds thecellular phone to her ear. We can hear the Doctor andvarious other medical personnel OFF SCREEN, telling herto "Push! Push! Push!..."

98

MARTIN(intensely)

Come on!

BARBARAPush!

FRANKPush!

DENISEOH GOD! OH GOD!

LINDAPush!

JERRYThrust!

DENISE(screaming in agony)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And then... a baby crying. Denise looks up, her facesoaked, totally spent.

DOCTOR (O.S.)It's... It's a girl.

DENISEGirl? But... but I thought...?

DOCTOR (O.S.)I was wrong. It happens.

Denise, delighted, manages a smile through herexhaustion.

BARBARA(exuberantly)

A girl!

FRANK(moved, misty-eyed)

A girl.

JERRY(pulling down powerfists)

Yes!

99

LINDA(smiling)

That's wonderful.

Martin is the only one who looks less than thrilled...

...FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

TITLE UP over the a silly children's chorus of "Head andShoulders, Knees and Toes".

ONE MONTH LATER

CUT TO:

INT. MARTIN'S BATHROOM -- DAY

Martin is taking a bubble bath with plenty of bubbles. Happy, he sings along to the children's song. Hisportable phone rings nearby. Martin picks up.

MARTINHello?

JERRYHi, Martin.

MARTIN(smiling)

Hi... son.

No response. Martin's smile fades.

MARTINJerry?

Jerry's in a shitty mood.

JERRYI'm upset.

MARTINWhat about?

Martin listens respectfully.

MARTINUh-huh... Right... Yeah.

100

JERRY...We've been making love on avery regular basis, andusually... It was veryfulfilling, spiritually as wellas physically... until lately.

Martin nods, sympathetic.

JERRY I've had my suspicions for sometime, and then last night... I'mpositive she was faking it.

MARTINAre you sure you're not readinginto something that isn't there?

JERRYNo, no. The words she chose, thetiming, the inflections. It wasso artificial. She was justgoing through the motions.

MARTIN(shaking his head)

I hate that.

JERRY(bitterly)

It made me so angry, Martin. Ijust faked it back. That's thething about doing it over aphone. There's total equality ofthe sexes.

MARTINBoy, you really sound bitter.

JERRYI'm never calling her back,Jerry. Never. As long as Ilive. I don't wanna speak to herever again.

Martin understands.

INT. BARBARA'S -- DAY

Barbara is on the phone.

101

BARBARAYeah... Uh-huh... Yep. I know.

(click-click)Hold on.

(click-click)Hello?

INT. JERRY'S -- DAY

Jerry's on the phone. He looks sad, contrite.

JERRY(quietly)

Hi, Barbara.

BARBARA(impatient)

I'm sorry, but I'm on a businesscall...

JERRYPlease? It's very important.

BARBARAI can't. Not now.

JERRYFrank told me he invited you tohis party. Are you going?

BARBARA(beat)

I'm not sure.

JERRYPlease be there.

BARBARAI... I don't know...

JERRYPlease?

Barbara sighs in exasperation.

JERRYPlease?

BARBARA(anxious to get off)

Okay.

102

JERRYGood. Good. So, I'll... I'lltalk to you then?

BARBARA(beat)

Yeah.

JERRYAll right then. Well... Bye.

BARBARABye.

(click-click)That was him again. He callsthree times a day. He'ssmothering me.

Linda shakes her head.

LINDAMen.

BARBARAHe says he just wants to "talk".

LINDAYeah. Right.

BARBARAWhatever happened to romance? That's what I wanna know. He wasso sweet in the beginning,sending little love faxes all thetime.

LINDAAnd now it's moan-groan-and-dial-tone.

BARBARALast week I was so embarrassed. Right in the middle of our... mymother called. And I think sheknew. Oh, I'm so confused. Whatdo you think I should do?

LINDADo you love him?

103

BARBARA(anxiously, confused)

I don't know.

LINDAMaybe you should give it a rest? You know, get a little distancefrom each other?

INT. PLAYGROUND -- DAY

Denise swings gently on a swing, feeding her baby abottle. It's cold and the children's playground in thebackground is empty. Her phone rings. She answers it,cradles it in her shoulder.

DENISEHello?

It's Martin. He's standing in the corner of his room,almost squeezed into the corner, clearly anxious,extremely tense.

MARTINHi.

DENISEHi.

MARTINHow... are you?

DENISEFine.

MARTINHow's... Aphrodite?

DENISEShe's good. She loves the rattleyou sent.

(rattles the rattle)

MARTINDoes she? Good. I'm glad.

DENISEI called the doctor. He saidit's normal for her bowelmovements to be green.

104

Martin lets out a deep sigh, sliding (practicallycollapsing) to the floor in an explosion of relief!

DENISEYou worried, didn't you? I toldyou not to worry.

MARTINHuh? No, I wasn't. Really...

DENISE(dubious)

Marty?

MARTINLook, I, I was thinking about itand... Well, you know, Frank'sgiving this New Years eve partyand he invited me, and at first Isaid I probably couldn't make it,but then I thought about itand... I was wondering if youwanted to go? You could meet methere.

DENISEI don't know.

(beat)When is it?

MARTIN(beat)

New Years eve.

DENISEOh.

MARTINYou said you wanted to gettogether and I thought... itmight be a good time.

DENISEYou're not doing this because youfeel pressured, are you? Youdon't have to feel any pressure. No obligations, remember?

105

MARTINNo, no. It's New Years... eve. I'm making time... in theevening. I'm working during theday.

DENISEAre you sure?

MARTINYes... Yes. So... will you...come?

Denise thinks about it, smiles.

DENISEAll right.

PUSH-IN ON MARTIN'S VERY TENSE EXPRESSION...

MARTIN(uncertain,practically gulping)

Good.

...FADE OUT, FADE UP:

A TITLE. "Putting On The Ritz" or, perhaps "Top Hat,White Tie, and Tails", or some song to that effect playssofty under...

DECEMBER 31ST

CUT TO:

CLOSE ON PLATTERS OF FINGER FOODS ON A TABLE

The song continues to play softly as WE DOLLY ALONG ATABLE, past wine glasses... and plates... and utensils...and assorted noshes... and crackers... and horsd'oeuvres... and dips... and bottles of champagne onice... and New Years party hats and favors... until wecome to... FRANK.

106

...INT. FRANK'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT (SONG CONT'D)

Frank, dressed up in a suit and tie, sits in a chairagainst the wall at the end of the table. Balloons,streamers, and assorted New Years decorations adorn thewalls and ceilings.

EXT. STREETS -- NIGHT (SONG CONT'D)

Denise, wearing what looks like a pink prom dress fromthe fifties pushes a baby carriage down the sidewalk.

INT. JERRY'S BATHROOM -- NIGHT (SONG CONT'D)

Jerry brushes his teeth... hard.

INT. MARTIN'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT (SONG CONT'D)

Martin sits at his computer, working away, eyes locked onhis screen. He's wearing the same suit and tie he worethe first time we saw him. As a matter of fact, the onlything unusual about this scene is that nothing isunusual. It's the same old Martin. Just another nightat the monitor.

INT. LINDA'S -- NIGHT (SONG CONT'D)

Linda, wearing an ill-fitting evening gown, pauses at herdoor, looks around -- as if it were the last look -- thenturns off the light, and leaves.

EXT. STREETS -- NIGHT (SONG CONT'D)

Denise picks up her pace with her baby carriage.

INT. JERRY'S BATHROOM -- NIGHT (SONG CONT'D)

Jerry brushes his teeth fiercely, foaming at the mouth!

INT. BARBARA'S BATHROOM -- NIGHT (SONG CONT'D)

Barbara, dressed up in a short, tight, sexy black skirt,sits cross-legged on her shut toilet seat, biting hernails.

107

INT. JERRY'S -- NIGHT (SONG CONT'D)

Jerry, standing in a formal black tuxedo and bow-tie,takes a deep breath, then walks out his door, shuttingthe light as he goes.

INT. FRANK'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT (SONG CONT'D)

Frank sits on the floor in the middle of the room, cross-legged, chin in his hands.

INT. BARBARA'S -- NIGHT (SONG CONT'D)

Barbara, standing at her front door, pausing, takes adeep breath, then walks out, shutting the light as shegoes.

EXT. STREETS -- NIGHT (SONG CONT'D)

Deserted. Suddenly Jerry appears, walking rigidly, at asteady pace, moving right to left across the screen andout of view...

EXT. ANOTHER STREET -- NIGHT (SONG CONT'D)

Barbara appears screen left, moving in the oppositedirection that Jerry is moving in, at the same pace. Wefollow her for a moment, then she disappears, screenright. (It's as if she and Jerry were moving toward eachother.)

INT. FRANK'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT (SONG CONT'D)

WIDE VIEW ON FRANK as he sits on the floor, all alone inthe empty room.

EXT. STREETS, DENISE -- NIGHT (SONG CONT'D)

Denise, moving faster, anxiously looks at her watch asshe crosses the street with her baby carriage...

EXT. STREETS, BARBARA -- NIGHT (SONG CONT'D)

Barbara moves south...

108

EXT. STREETS, JERRY -- NIGHT (SONG CONT'D)

Jerry moves north... AS THE SONG FADES.

INT. FRANK'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT

Silence now (live sound). Frank rises and crosses to hiswindow, looks down.

HIS POV

The empty, silent, deserted street.

BACK TO FRANK

as he looks up, into the night sky.

EXT. OUTSIDE FRANK'S WINDOW -- NIGHT

Frank stands at his window, looking up and out at thenight-sky, lost in thought. He's back-lit, and as webegin to PULL-BACK FROM HIM, he becomes a darksilhouette...

EXT. STREETS, BARBARA -- NIGHT

CLOSER ON Barbara moving south...

EXT. STREETS, JERRY -- NIGHT

CLOSER ON Jerry moving north...

EXT. BACK TO FRANK'S WINDOW -- NIGHT

As Frank continues to stare up and out into the night andWE CONTINUE TO PULL BACK TO REVEAL A WIDE VIEW OF hisbuilding situated on the street, his figure a perfectsilhouette in the window on the fourth floor. AND WEHOLD ON THIS LONELY SCENE A MOMENT UNTIL...

...ON THE EMPTY SIDEWALK BELOW, simultaneously, Barbaraenters frame right and Jerry enters frame left...

...And Jerry and Barbara having entered at opposite endsof the frame, begin to walk toward each other...

109

...And they seem to be on a collision course...

...But then they pass each other without pause or glance,and disappear into what was the other's point of entry...

...And all the while Frank, lost in his own world, hasremained completely oblivious to the ironic goings-onunder his nose...

EXT. ANOTHER STREET, DENISE -- NIGHT

Denise, lifting her dress for more knee room,breathlessly runs, her baby carriage bouncing andswerving madly over the sidewalk cracks!

INT. MARTIN'S -- NIGHT

Martin sits at his computer, fingers tapping at hiskeyboard, eyes focused on his screen.

EXT. FRANK'S BUILDING -- NIGHT

Denise pulls up with her carriage and comes to a stop. She has to pause a moment to catch her breath. Then shestarts to awkwardly pull her baby carriage up the stepsto the building entrance...

INT. ENTRANCE HALLWAY -- NIGHT

Denise enters, clumsily dragging her baby carriage inwith her. She turns to the apartment buzzers andsearches down them with her finger.

CLOSE ON BUZZERS

Denise's finger moves down the row of buttons, thenpauses as it finds the name Frank Oliver.

INT. FRANK'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT

The buzzer sounds as WE PAN the place... The HAPPY NEWYEAR sign... the balloons... the appetizers... thechampagne...

110

EXT. FRANK'S BUILDING, WIDE VIEW OF STREET -- NIGHT

And we can see Denise faintly in the entranceway, and thewindow above, Frank's, dark now.

INT. FRANK'S DEN -- NIGHT

Dark. The buzzer continues to sound. The computer isoff. Everything is still. And as the buzzer incessantlysounds, we move from the computer to find...

...Someone's there...

...It's Frank, sitting in the dark, just sitting there,motionless, staring into space as the buzzer sounds andsounds and...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BARBARA'S -- NIGHT

Having returned home, Barbara, still in her sexy dress,works at her computer, lost in her work.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. JERRY'S -- NIGHT

Having returned home, Jerry, still in his tuxedo, shoeskicked off, lies in bed, tapping away at his laptop.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. LINDA'S -- NIGHT

Linda works away, fingers pounding at her keyboard, thesame old Linda.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. FRANK'S BUILDING -- NIGHT

We watch from a distance as Denise sits, looking lost, onthe bottom step of the front stoop, chin resting in onehand, while gently rocking her baby carriage with herother hand, trying to sooth the faintly crying babyinside. Suddenly, she stops, something catching her eye.

111

HER POV

A dark figure crosses the street toward her.

BACK TO SCENE

Denise stops rocking the carriage and rises as the figuresteps into the light...

It's Martin.

Denise and Martin face each other, the baby beginning tocry again.

For a moment, neither moves. Then, Martin steps forward,looks down into the carriage.

Denise watches him.

Martin reaches into the carriage and picks up the baby.

Denise watches as Martin clutches the baby against hisshoulder, patting her back, soothing her. And the babyquiets.

Martin looks up at Denise, strangely awed by his minoraccomplishment.

They stare at each other in silence. And thensomething... We hear the faint, but familiar sounds ofchampagne bottles popping, noisemakers clattering, peoplecheering, etc.

For a moment, their mutual fascination broken, Martin andDenise look around themselves, taking in the distant off-key Auld Lang Synes.

And then Martin and Denise look back at each other again.

And Martin just stares at Denise.

And Denise stares back at him.

And finally, as we BEGIN TO CRANE UP (and Elvis's "TryingTo Get To You" rises on the soundtrack), Martin andDenise turn their backs to us and begin to walk away...

112

...And we watch them as they grow smaller and smaller,drifting off into the distance, down the dark, empty,uncertain street...

...Together.

THE END

"...Well, if I had to do it over/That's exactly what I'd do/ Iwould travel night and day/ AndI'd still run all the way/ Baby,trying to get to you!"