A NEW SPORT FOR YOU DAREDEVILS (P. 19)

A CHAT WITH VICTORIA'S NELLY FURTADO (P. 14)

YOUR RELATIVES AREN'T YOUR ONLY FAMILY (P. 9)

THE REAL COST OF A STAFF BUS PASS AT UVIC (P. 3)

A NEW HOPE:UVIC STUDENTS STRIKE BACK INSECOND SATELLITE COMPETITION

THE UNIVERSITY OF VICTORIA’S INDEPENDENT NEWSPAPERDECEMBER 13, 2012 • VOLUME 65 • ISSUE 18 • MARTLET.CA

> VANESSA HAWK

After placing third in the Canadian Satellite Design Challenge (CSDC) on Sept. 29, UVic’s Experimental Cosmic Ray and Diamagnetic Sci-entific Satellite (ECOSat) team is now focused on the second iteration of the CSDC, in which the winning nanosatellite will be launched into orbit in the spring of 2014.

“It’s going to be more badass,” says Nigel Syro-tuck, project manager at ECOSat and fourth-year engineering student, on the team’s next satellite design. “It’s going to have a lot of the same design elements as the last one, but this time we’re going to have more time to do them first, test them, do them again, make sure they work. It was 90 per cent done last time, and the last 10 per cent is going to take a year, because that’s what fine tuning always takes.”

Student teams from 12 universities across Canada competed in the recent challenge over the last two years to design and build a small, low-cost satellite that meets space qualification standards in order to be capable of an actual launch. The nanosatellites are roughly the size of a shoebox, measuring 10 by 10 by 30 centi-metres and weighing less than four kilograms. They are capable of performing almost any type of mission, including Earth observation, communications or research in space sciences.

The competition is considered to be the first of its kind worldwide to offer university

students the chance to design and then launch a satellite into orbit to conduct scientific re-search. The CSDC is held by space mission con-sulting and development company Geocentrix Technologies Ltd. and managed by a federally incorporated, non-profit organization, CSDC Management Society Inc.

The UVic ECOSat team’s satetellite placed behind designs by Concordia University and the University of Manitoba, which ranked first and second, respectively. The ECOSat team is made up of 20–30 undergraduate students, some of whom come and go with every new semester due to the engineering department’s co-op program. Engi-neering professor Afzal Suleman acts as the team’s faculty advisor and project mentor, but the project is student-directed for the most part.

“The benefit is that the students learn to be self-reliant and intellectually independent,” writes Suleman in an email interview. Suleman is also the director of UVic’s recently opened Centre for Aerospace Research, which aims to expand its research scope to include satellite design research and development.

ECOSAT’S SATELLITE

The team plans to build on and improve the design submitted in the first part of the CSDC challenge for the second, upcoming competi-tion. ECOSat’s design aims to be innovative in several ways. The nanosatellite will act as an

open-source amateur radio relay and conduct experiments involving diamagnetics, such as an attempt to control the satellite’s positioning and de-orbiting with magnetic fields. (Diamagnetic materials create a repelling magnetic field when exposed to any external magnetic field.)

“You can imagine that anywhere a magnet is used, a diamagnetic might also be useful,” says Syrotuck.

“So it’s a technology of applications in lots of different places on earth and as well, it could be useful in space travel. If you’re trying to get from here to the nearest star, you can’t realistically use fuel because you’ll run out at some point. Using magnets, you basically have a fuelless propulsion system as long as there are magnetic fields kicking around. So this could one day lead to long-term, near-light space travel.”

Syrotuck says diamagnetism is not fully understood by experts, and its application in space is novel.

If it is successful, the satellite would also be an exemplar of a low-cost, low-risk solution to de-orbiting spacecrafts. Often, defunct satellites break apart or explode, creating debris, or space junk, that damages other satellites.

A.G.O. Environmental Electronics Ltd. is one of ECOSat’s most significant sponsors. The company has stayed on board to help develop the satellite’s capacity for experiments relating to diamagnetics in space.

“We have lots of resources in industry with

aerospace companies who are always will-ing to provide information or insights to what we’re doing and whether it’s a good design or a bad design, or if we’re just crazy,” says Justin Curran, a fourth-year Engineering student and ECOSat’s chief engineer since the team’s incep-tion. Curran also notes that several students have been offered jobs due to their involvement in the project.

Syrotuck agrees that the ECOSat project is a valuable opportunity for students.“It’s the prac-tical side of the experience that you don’t get at university,” he says. He notes that students join the team wanting to help build a board (the platform on which the satellite’s computer chips are put together), but they don’t know how to solder the materials or run the software. “It’s kind of the key part that isn’t really hard enough to learn that they bother teaching it in univer-sity, but it’s so important that companies look for it. Students really benefit from being on this team, and we have benefitted a lot from being on this team. It’s certainly been an amazing part of my undergraduate.”

Syrotuck and Curran are working to obtain further funding and sponsorship —ECOSat had the lowest budget ($25 000) at the recent CSDC challenge — and solidify designs for the next satellite design challenge.

“I am confident that the team will do well,” says Suleman. “The quality of students and their commitment and leadership is exemplary.”

Students one step closer to sending satellite into orbit UVic’s ECOSat team prepares for next Canadian Satellite Design Challenge competition

BOOK YOUR NEXT EVENT

OR PUB CRAWL WITH US!sopranoskaraoke.ca

student night every thursday.

cheap drinks.

730 Caledonia (250) 382-5853

Win up to $500

Of Your Tuition

on the Wheel of

Fortune.

ar r ister s, Sol ici tor s, Notar ies, P atent and Trade

Personal Injury / ICBCMedical MalpracticeImmigration

-EXCELLENCE in legal service…practical, cost effective ADVICE

FamilyReal EstateWills & Probate

Business Law

-Arts & EntertainmentPatent & Trade Marks

TH –

mail@victorialaw.ca

4 Floor 931 Fort StreetPhone: 250.383.9104

www.victorialaw.ca

Barristers, Solicitors, Notaries, Patent and Trade-Mark Agents

skylab sounds live electronic & dj performace

dub soul house reggae

8:30 til 1 $10 cover after 9

nice up yusself nye!!!December 31, 2012

dinner & drink specials party favours & more

533 Yates Street250 388 5375

www.thereefrestaurant.com

This is our last issue for 2012! We'll see you on Jan. 10.

In the meantime, keep checking martlet.ca. NEWS: CAMPus

December 13, 2012 MARTLET • NEWS 3

> NINA NEISSL

UVic’s employee bus plan (E-Pass) program is promoted as “more than 50 per cent off the regular price” for most employees who live off-campus and do not own a parking pass — mainly to encourage them to switch to more sustainable forms of transportation. However, this half-price strategy costs employees more than they might think: participation in UVic’s subsidized E-Pass program is considered a taxable benefit that is deducted from salaries.

“Based on Canada Revenue Agency’s regula-tions, the employer-paid portion of the bus pass is considered a taxable benefit — subject to income tax and CPP deductions. The amount that each individual pays for taxes due to the bus taxable benefit is directly linked with their individual income tax brackets,” wrote Klaudia Fetcas, payroll manager for UVic’s department of accounting, in an email to the Martlet.

The total cost of the bus pass is $76.50. How-ever, the split between what employees pay and what UVic pays seems unclear. In her initial interview, Fetcas said both sides pay $38.25 for the bus pass. According to Patrick Seward, the transportation and parking co-ordinator at Cam-pus Security, the employee pays $38.50 when they purchase a pass at Campus Security, and UVic pays $38 (Fetcas later confirmed Seward’s

figures). In other words, employees pay 50 cents more than the university. Depending on their tax bracket, employees pay between $7 and $20 in addition to the $38.50. After several Martlet inquiries, UVic accounting stated that, effective Dec. 1, the taxable benefit base would be based on $38 (previously, it was based on $38.25).

Some employees think that UVic is not clear enough about the cost of the taxable benefit.

“In August 2012, I noticed my paycheque had decreased slightly from previous cheques,” wrote Katie Gerritsen, administrative assistant at the partially UVic-run Island Medical Program, in an email interview with the Martlet. “I contacted UVic accounting, who informed me that this was due to my purchasing a staff bus pass that month. I was told that, in addition to the $38.50 we pay at Campus Security for our bus pass, we are also deducted a further $8–$12 from our pay as a tax-able benefit. This then made my staff/faculty bus passes cost a total of $50.50 per month, which is noticeably more expensive than the $40.23 per month that a full-time parking pass costs.”

Gerritsen is referring to the annual general em-ployee parking pass, which costs $482.72. She also says that her colleagues were as surprised as she was when they found out about the extra cost due to the E-Pass being a taxable benefit, leading some to choose their cars over the bus.

“A parking permit, if you divided it by 12

months a year, is less expensive than the em-ployee bus pass by a bit per month — approxi-mately $10 when you factor the tax in as well,” said Seward in an interview with the Martlet. “But what you’ll want to factor in also is the cost of operating the vehicle.” He admitted that, because of many recurring purchasers, Campus Security might not always explicitly communi-cate all the costs to every purchaser. There is the assumption that everybody knows already.

Depending on the faculty or staff member’s personal situation, a parking pass could be more economical than the bus pass, but Seward stresses that gas, repair and maintenance of the car should be considered as well.

“Regardless of any taxes on UVic employees, or the cost of a UVic parking pass, I would not choose a car over the bus. I live downtown and the public transit system is wonderful,” wrote Christine For-ster, a professor in the Department of Hispanic and Italian Studies in an email statement to the Martlet.

One way to recoup some of the costs for the bus pass is to claim the employee’s portion of the pass on one’s individual income tax. “If the em-ployee pays for some of the cost of buying public transit passes (in UVic’s case, since December 2012, the amount is $38.50 per month), he or she may be able to claim the Public Transit Tax Credit when filing his or her individual income tax and benefit return,” wrote Fetcas.

Gerritsen would like to see more clarity about the actual E-Pass costs. “The biggest disappoint-ment is that we are constantly reminded by UVic that the reason parking prices are so high is to encourage us to use the more economical option of the bus, thereby promoting sustainability on campus,” she wrote. “Staff/faculty should be informed each time they purchase their bus pass that UVic accounting will be contacted and an additional fee will be taken from our pay, so that we can then make an educated choice about our transportation and budget accordingly.”

Some staff believe UVic is not clear enough about total cost of E-Pass

Bus pass costs UVic employees more than they may realize

}}}}}

}}}}

Cost to UVic employees for E-Pass: $38.50 per month + taxable benefit on the $38 that UVic subsidizes (between $7 and $20). Total: $45.50–$58.50

Cost to UVic employees for annual general parking permit: $40.23 per month (one-time payment of $482.72)

Cost to UVic employees for monthly parking permit: $92.96 per month

&} }

Employees can’t have an E-Pass and a par-king pass because UVic subsidizes the bus passes to reduce car usage on campus.

> SHANDI SHIACH

Last month, UVic Students’ Society (UVSS) Director-at-Large Gabrielle Sutherland put forth a motion that would have done away with the UVSS board of directors (BoD) executive committee. The executive committee is a closed committee made up of the chairperson and the directors of finance and operations, external relations, events, and student affairs. The motion failed with two in favour and several abstentions, but not before serious discussion and assurance that improvements to the execu-tive committee would be further discussed in another committee — one on policy develop-ment that is open to all students.

“My motion came as a response to concerns I heard,” says Sutherland, “from various directors-at-large and advocacy group reps that the execu-tive committee was not meeting their needs.”

ACCOUNTABILITYOnly the five board executives and SUB managers may attend the executive committee’s meetings, in which the executives may approve expendi-tures of up to $1 500 per motion. In discussion of the motion to abolish the executive committee, board members brought up several points: the committee was supposed to add a layer of ac-countability but instead adds a layer of bureau-cracy; some advocacy reps have felt talked down to by executives; directors put in hours beyond mandate and so should be equals to executives; the UVSS was able to make day-to-day decisions before there was an executive committee by way of the office collective and managers committee, which no longer exists.

Director of Events Lewis Rhodes responded by saying that the policy development com-mittee has been discussing how to improve the executive committee. He also said the executive committee streamlines board functions to avoid six-hour BoD meetings. Chairperson Emily Rogers said the executive committee’s meetings are recorded in minutes, which holds executives accountable. She added that the committee

is a valuable check-in that mandates cohesive management.

But Director-at-Large Tribesty Nguyen expressed discontent over a decision to close the SUB at 9 p.m. that was made by last year’s executive committee without consultation. Board members echoed Nguyen’s statement around the table. UVic Pride representative Cal Mitchell said the executive committee’s minutes are vague. Women’s Centre representa-tive Jenn Story was concerned about the onus being placed on advocacy groups to stay on top of executive committee minutes and board activity, which hinders advocacy activity. Some raised the question of whether a hierarchy that privileges an executive committee is healthy. Director of Student Affairs Megan Quigley said the greater climate of mistrust represented by the motion calls back to resentment of actions of the previous executive committee.

Rogers, who did not meet with the Martlet in person, wrote in an email Q&A, “In [policy devel-opment committee], we have been brainstorm-ing ways to make the executive committee more transparent. This includes publishing minutes of the meeting within 48 hours, letting advocacy groups know if anything relevant to them has been decided, and including a verbal report from executive committee at board meetings (like we do with all of our other committees). We have also discussed the possibility of executive com-mittee not being able to pass any expenditures.”

However, UVic students are not allowed to know about all of the board’s actions.

IN-CAMERA SESSIONSQuestions about the BoD as a whole have been raised recently, too. Some BoD activity is held in camera. Rogers writes, “In-camera sessions are used at all levels of government. The purpose of going in camera is to protect confidential information regarding legal positions, contracts and personnel.”

Still, some campus groups believe in-camera sessions are being overused by the BoD.

At a Dec. 3 BoD meeting, Justin Levine, a UVic

student who is on the board of Access (the asso-ciation of disabled students no longer recog-nized by the UVSS), delivered a petition signed by a thousand students and some faculty asking Rogers to open positive, respectful communica-tion with Access. Access says that, before the meeting, Rogers informed Levine that the BoD did not consent to a public presentation of the petition. Levine’s presentation was not included on the meeting’s agenda. The UVSS is currently in legal proceedings with Access, so discussions on the UVSS’s position relating to Access happen in camera.

Levine delivered a written statement to the Martlet that said, “There has been an over-reli-ance on talking about Access, often in secret, in-camera meetings . . .” rather than with Access.

The UVSS board does not always disclose its reasons for discussing certain matters in camera and may not be forthcoming when asked about them. Minutes for every board meeting since Sept. 10 are not yet posted on the UVSS website, and Rogers did not respond to questions about any recent board activity related to Youth Pro-tecting Youth, a UVic club with which the board has had an uneasy relationship.

COMMITTEESAt the same Nov. 19 meeting, the Society for Students with a Disability (SSD) put forth an emergency motion to allow the SSD to fund a parking pass for one of its advocates who has a mobility issue and had injured herself on public transit. The SSD said the pass would mitigate the advocate’s disability and allow her to do her job safely and efficiently. Director of Finance and Operations Ariel Tseng was not opposed to granting the parking pass but made a motion to refer the matter to the labour management committee. After debate, the board passed the original motion to allow the parking pass

Sutherland believes the UVSS refers to com-mittees too often.

“There’s this idea on this board,” says Suther-land, “that there’s a proper way of doing things, and that is to refer things to committees. But

there’s no mandate; there’s nothing in our constitution, bylaws or policies that says we have to.”

Sutherland has been a member of four boards since September 2009 and says there’s a fear of ruffling feathers on this year’s UVSS BoD. “I don’t understand, if you’re going to be on a po-litical body like that, why you wouldn’t want to speak your mind and state your position,” says Sutherland. “We on the board have the author-ity to make those decisions.”

Rogers writes, “While the board is the final decision-making body in the UVSS, a committee structure is in place in order to allow decisions to be fully discussed, researched and contemplated.”

Quigley, who is also the chair of several com-mittees including the Clubs Council (which handles the complaints committee), says the board has faith that the committee will follow procedure and policy in its duties. In the case of the complaints committee, the board is not seen as a safe place for sensitive discussions even if there were time to review all submitted material relevant to a complaint and to speak with each person involved. The board generally accepts the recommendations of its committees.

But on other matters, frequent referrals and abstentions may be seen as a symptom of a lack of engagement amongst board members.

“This idea that [the emergency parking pass motion] should be referred [to a committee] was quite offensive to me,” says Sutherland.

Rogers writes, “The UVSS has to approve every expenditure of student fees. Most of the time this process happens seamlessly, but sometimes we don’t understand the nature of expenditure and need to seek clarification from an advocacy group before approving their request.”

Sutherland says board members have a duty to engage and make a decision. “So many board meetings this semester, in the summer too, board members are laughing, giggling and texting and not paying attention to the proceed-ings, and when we’ve gone to a vote, people have turned around and gone, ‘Huh? What? What are we voting on?’ ”

Some directors-at-large, advocacy groups question board’s accountability

UVSS works to fix own operations

December 13, 2012 MARTLET • NEWS 5

How has the transit strike affected you? Email letters@martlet.ca.

And keep the B.C. Transit service disruption webpage bookmarked. NEWS: local

> VANESSA HAWK

Disagreement between B.C. Transit and Canadi-an Auto Workers (CAW) Local 333 over training and wages for drivers of the five new Vicinity community buses remains the final sticking point in a labour dispute that has left union workers without a contract since March 2012.

Job action has been ongoing since CAW 333 served B.C. Transit strike notice on Oct. 5 and called for an overtime ban a few weeks later. A bargaining session held Nov. 1 in the presence of an informal mediator broke down after a few hours, with B.C. Transit and the union both stating that the other side brought nothing new to the ta-ble. There are no formal talks scheduled between B.C. Transit and CAW 333 as of press time.

The Vicinity buses carry an additional 16 standing passengers compared to the current community buses in the fleet. Because of this, the union demands that drivers with additional training drive the buses, rather than the same drivers who operate the smaller community shuttle buses. Shuttle bus drivers hold Class 4 licences and make $20.71 an hour, while driv-

ers of regular buses have Class 2 licences and make $26.14. B.C. Transit maintains that the Vicinity buses comply with all previously made agreements with CAW 333.

B.C. Transit has ordered 15 Vicinity buses for the province, aiming to put them on com-munity routes by spring 2013. The five buses destined for Victoria require approval from the Victoria Regional Transit Commission. The re-maining 10 buses have already been approved in Quesnel, Dawson Creek and Penticton.

B.C. Transit is seeking feedback on the buses from municipal politicians (as suggested in the company’s independent panel review conduct-ed in August). Several politicians, along with the transit commission, have stated they will not make a decision during the labour dispute.

B.C. Transit offered six public showings of the Vicinity buses between Nov. 22 and 27, spark-ing backlash from the union and two transit commission members, including Councillor Marianne Alto, who attempted to bring Vicinity into commission discussions on Dec. 4. Alto, Saanich Mayor Frank Leonard and CAW 333 said that B.C. Transit was trying to provoke

further job action from the union by showing the Vicinity bus.

“Well, the last thing we want is further job ac-tion,” says B.C. Transit spokesperson Meribeth Burton. “The only thing that we want is a col-lective agreement with CAW 333. [From] what we’ve been hearing at the bargaining table and in the media, there was, from B.C. Transit’s point of view, a lot of misunderstanding and misinformation about this particular bus.”

Burton says the Vicinity public event was held to educate employees, the media and commu-nity members, and that it fostered a more di-rect discussion about the bus with employees.

While union job action continues and is lim-

ited to a uniform abstention and an overtime ban, other issues are developing. Buses in need of maintenance are piling up due to the over-time ban’s effect on union mechanics.

B.C. Transit and CAW 333 appeared before the B.C. Labour Relations Board on Nov. 14 after B.C. Transit attempted to contract out maintenance work on nine buses, a move that CAW 333 said contravened labour legislation. B.C. Transit has since returned all buses to the yard to await repairs by union workers.

Fifteen buses were parked when B.C. Transit attempted to contract out mechanic work. Thirty-two buses are now parked and in need of repair work.

Transit job action continues, no formal negotiations scheduled

VANESSA HAWK

NEWS: Provincial

> MATT DIMERA — THE RUNNER (KWANTLEN POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY)

SURREY (CUP) — The Kwantlen Student As-sociation (KSA) has capitulated to the legal demands of a pro-life campus group, reversing an earlier decision to not approve the group as an official club.

During a two-hour, closed meeting on Dec. 5, the KSA’s board of directors voted to overturn the previous Nov. 9 decision of its executive committee and grant Protectores Vitae club status.

The KSA executive had originally rejected the pro-life club’s application, citing an internal student association policy affirming women’s right to choose.

Under the current system, political, religious or controversial groups, or groups affiliated with external organizations, are given recognized group status, which entitles them to meeting space on campus, free photocopying and lock-ers, but no funding from the KSA. Clubs receive all of the same perks, but can apply for funding on a case-by-case basis.

All discussion and voting related to the pro-life club was held during an in-camera session; campus media and general students were barred from attendance. The KSA’s lawyer, David Bo-rins, was also present.

No official motion was released after the meeting re-opened to the public. The KSA has not released a record of which board members voted in favour or against or abstained as of press time.

The KSA’s executive chairperson and direc-tor of student services, Christopher Girodat, declined to discuss the content of any motions passed during the closed session when asked by The Runner.

“In this case, we were meeting with legal counsel and there was privileged advice. [The motions] will be released when they have been communicated to the appropriate par-ties,” he said.

Oliver Capko, a first-year Agriculture student and president of the Protectores Vitae pro-life club, issued a public statement two weeks prior to the meeting promising to take the KSA to court if they didn’t give his group club status by Nov. 29. After that deadline passed, a second press release stated that the group would file court papers by the following week.

According to the club’s website, Protectores Vitae exists to educate students about life is-sues, specifically abortion, embryonic stem cell research, euthanasia and assisted suicide.

The Protectores Vitae club is represented by lawyer John Carpay, president of the Justice Centre for Constitutional Freedoms.

Capko’s group is also supported by Anastasia Pearse of the National Campus Life Network.

Pearse made headlines of her own in 2010 when, as the president of the anti-aboortion group Youth Protecting Youth (YPY) at UVic, she sued the University of Victoria Students’ Society (UVSS) for denying YPY funding.  The case was settled out of court in July 2010, with the UVSS agreeing to reinstate YPY as a student club and to repay funding it had denied YPY in the past.

Kwantlen Student Association grants club status to pro-life groupCouncil overrules executive and makes Protectores Vitae an official club

Lizzie Sitzmaurice in a April 2010 protest on at UVic after the UVSS denied YPY club status.

PROVIDED

BUSINESS & TECH We'll be back on Jan. 10 with a Sports and Lifestyle section — just in time for your get-in-shape resolutions.

6 BUSINESS & TECH • MARTLET December 13, 2012

1 0 1 . 9 F Mc fuv.uv ic . ca

CFUV

CFU

V T

op T

enMo

ST p

LAYe

D AL

BUMS

oF 2

012

1. COUSINS * The Palm At The End Of The Mind (Saved By Vinyl)2. ISLANDS * A Sleep and A Forgetting (Anti-)3. NU SENSAE * Sundowning (Suicide Squeeze)4. GRIMES * Visions (Arbutus)5. JAPANDROIDS * Celebration Rock (Polyvinyl)6. JACK WHITE Blunderbuss (Third Man/Columbia)7. COLD SPECKS * I Predict A Graceful Expulsion (Arts & Crafts)8. LEE FIELDS & THE EXPRESSIONS Faithful Man (Truth & Soul)9. KID KOALA * 12 Bit Blues (Ninja Tune)10. THE HOLY TERRORS + Patience (Self-Released)

CFUV is an award winning campus/community radio station based at the University of Victoria. For more information about CFUV (including volunteering info, our program schedule, complete charts and much more) please visit us at: www.cfuv.uvic.catwitter.com/cfuv

Hear the weekly top ten on Charts and Graphs Tues-days at 3:00PM on CFUV 101.9FM or online! * Canadian artist + local artist

> TIA LOW

Be honest: how many times a day do you check your email? According to some produc-tivity experts, most people check it too often. Some people also ineffectively use it as a task manager rather than a communication tool.

“My tips on email productivity are pretty un-conventional,” says productivity expert Mike Vardy, who writes and gives seminars about improving balance and efficiency in our work and personal lives.

Vardy only checks his own email two to three times a day, and he encourages others to do the same. He says people are treating email like instant messaging now, especially since it’s possible to have email notifications on cell phones. We should think of email as if it were real mail, or like having office hours, says Vardy, meaning we should only check it once in a while.

Pat Elemans, assistant dean of UVic’s Peter B. Gustavson School of Business, used to teach managerial skill development at the University of Lethbridge. She says by checking email too often, we are not dealing with the important tasks that move our projects forward.

“You look at your email and go, ‘I’ll deal with 20 emails.’ You get them out of your inbox and think, ‘Wow, I was busy today,’ but maybe only two of those emails were actually related to moving an important project forward,” explains Elemans.

“Some people see an empty inbox as a badge of honour, but in a lot of cases you haven’t done much with that email you’ve processed,” says Vardy.

Vardy cites an information overload from technology as one of students’ downfalls, and Elemans believes too much email makes it hard to manage our time.

“I think students are running into this problem a lot. We spend a lot of time going sideways instead of going forward, and tech-nology plays a big role in that,” says Vardy.

Vardy recently left his work as managing ed-itor of Lifehack.org, a website with productiv-ity tips. In November, he launched a workshop series called the Ready Retreat series, which includes one-hour workshops on idea, task, email and time management.

“The concept of the Ready Retreats is that sometimes you need to step back and retreat from the day-to-day in order to really be ready to move forward with purpose and power. I wanted to come up with the four most critical components of productivity that I could find,” says Vardy.

Attendees at Vardy’s workshops include business people, entrepreneurs, writers and bloggers. While the workshop venue holds about 40 people, so far he’s had around five to 10 attendees at a time.

Elemans says anyone can benefit from im-proved work/life balance through productiv-ity workshops or books. She attributes success

to having skills in this area. She says, “In my years as a professor, I found

the best students in my classes, and some of my best employees, are not necessarily the people who are the brightest, but are really the people who understand how to manage their time and priorities. That to me is the key to getting good grades.”

Both Vardy and Elemans agree that taking workshops or measures that train you in pro-ductivity may increase your job prospects.

Vardy says, “I’ve worked from home. I’m a parent too. Parents need this kind of stuff so they can disconnect from their technology, or to make sure when they go home that they’re not thinking about their emails or how much time they have left in the day.”

Vardy was balancing his life as a new parent and an aspiring comedian with a day job as a Costco manager when he first started to look into productivity.

“Turns out, I was learning how to be more productive, but I wasn’t actually being more productive,” he says.

His first website on productivity, called Eventualism.com, was actually a parody on the genre of personal productivity writing; eventually, he became a specialist at the very thing he was poking fun at.

The last Ready Retreat workshop of the year is on Dec. 13, but Vardy says he is launching them again early 2013, both on-line and in person.

Checking email constantly can take away productivity

Experts weigh in on the art of balancing work and life

MIKE VARDY’S TIPS FOR PRODUCTIVITY

TASK MANAGEMENT• Focus on task, not on time; tasks are easier to break down than time.• Remember that you don’t want to be stuck in the phase of processing tasks; you want to move forward and not sideways. Either do, defer, delegate or delete tasks when you process so they move you forward.• List your tasks first. You'll find that your brain won’t be as overloaded because the tasks are out of there and in a trusted system.

EMAIL MANAGEMENT• Do not use your email application as a task management system. Doing so keeps you trapped in your inbox, doing the bidding of email instead of doing your own bidding.• Complete one important thing on your to-do list before you check your email in the morn-ing. That will give you a head start on your day.• Set boundaries for email. Put in your signa-ture that you only check email two or three times per day or that you don’t respond to emails after 6 p.m. It’s time we start to treat email hours like office hours.

IDEA MANAGEMENT• Map out your calendar so that you focus on bringing one major idea to life each month. Then stick to it.• List your ideas and regularly curate them. Doing this during a weekly or monthly review is ideal.• Create accountability by sharing your ideas. You’re more likely to make them happen if you’ve put them out there to others.

TIME MANAGEMENT• Tackle your to-do list by “time-chunking” so that you set aside pockets of time to work on specific tasks (email, studying, etc.)• Use forced discipline tools like the web browser plug-in Stay Focused or Rescue-Time to keep your time managed and see where your time goes; then adjust your habits as needed.• Don’t fight your body clock. If you’re a night owl, work ahead of the early risers. If you’re an early riser, get to bed at a reasonable hour.

Whenever we go out shopping, we end up with plastic bags (even though they are not especially good for car-rying heavy or bulky stuff). Most of them also don’t have a very long life expectancy. Either they rupture on the bottom or their handles rip, or both. But since they’ve become so popular, we have to deal with them. For this reason, I want to offer you a three-step program:

1. Avoid them whenever you can by using long-lasting cotton bags. 2. Reuse the plastic bags you already have for shopping; don’t throw them away. 3. Reuse them in many other ways. Step one and two should be clear: avoid and reuse. For step three, I have a few suggestions.

Plastic bags make great stuffing (not the edible kind, though). Whether you send fragile items by mail or pack moving boxes, balled-up plastic bags are great for making sure your items arrive safely. If you want to keep things

clean and dry, plastic bags are your go-to item: use a plastic bag, for example, to protect your bike saddle from getting wet when parked outside in rainy Victoria. Some plastic bags have a nice design, so if you are the creative type, you can just spice them up and use them as gift bags. Apart from that, you can (re)use them to line your trash cans and avoid buying extra garbage bags. Again, this is not an invitation to collect even more plastic bags; these are only a few ways in which you can re-reuse the ones you already have or the ones you might still get despite your efforts to avoid them.

If you have some good tips of your own, just let us know at businesstech.martlet@gmail.com. Pictures of Eco Tips realizations are definitely welcomed as well!

> NINA NEISSL

ECO TIP #4 AVOID, REUSE AND RE-REUSE PLASTIC BAGS

December 13, 2012 MARTLET • BUSINESS & TECH 7

> NINA NEISSL

Developing games is a dream that many young people have, but only a few can pursue suc-cessfully. One of them is Matt Thorson, an indie game developer based in Vancouver who focuses on mechanics, minimalism and expres-sion when making games. He recently gave the Martlet some insight into how indie game de-velopment works. He also developed my game recommendation for this week: Give Up, Robot.

“As a kid, I was always designing games on paper and in my head,” wrote Thorson in an email interview. “I . . . used level editors like the ones that came with StarCraft and Tony Hawk to make my own levels a lot. I started making my own actual games when I was 14 (in 2002), after finding a program called Game Maker that simplified the process for me.”

Since then, Thorson has designed a number of games, and his advice to new developers is to just keep making games, even if they are not good at the beginning. “There are lots of tools available that make hobbyist game development easy, so explore and don’t be afraid to fail. When I started, I didn’t understand programming, game design or visual design at all, and my first batch of five or so games was terrible. Don’t be afraid to make bad things, and eventually you’ll get better at it. It’s also just more fun this way.”

But it’s also important to keep your expecta-tions realistic. According to Thorson, indepen-dent developers need to stay motivated, as their first games will not likely make money. “There’s a lot to learn before you get to the point where people want to pay money for your games,” wrote Thorson. He added that flash games are a great starting point for new developers. But browser games are mostly used for short-term fun, so a developer has to grab his audience fast.

Thorson doesn’t always work solo; he some-times teams up with friends. He likes both styles of working, but he also admits that working in a team of two isn’t too different from working alone. “Another thing that helps is the fact that my friends and I tend to be generalists and like to have our hands in every part of the project. So it’s not like one of us is in charge of half the game and the other is in charge of the other half,” wrote Thorson.

In Give Up, Robot, you play, as the name implies, a little robot that needs to make its way through 50 two-dimensional levels made out of colour-ful, flashy blocks without falling to the bottom or getting destroyed in other ways. Of course, this is not easy, but our robot friend has one tool to help him: a grapple. Press A or Z to throw the grapple and swing from one side of the screen to the other. With this manoeuvre, you can overcome spaces where a jump is simply not enough. How-

ever, some of the stable-looking blocks fall down as soon as you grab them or jump on them. There is no way of finding out beforehand which blocks will crash to the floor and which ones will hold. There are also no-go zones that kill the robot the moment it touches one. After a while, you’ll also come upon propellers, which give the robot a big boost. As helpful as they might seem, they are not easy to handle, especially when you have to time the rotation to land where you want. And don’t get too cozy with them. They are, after all, sharp,

spinning blades.As you progress, you’ll have to react more

quickly. After every 10th level, you can submit your high score or go on with the game. If the 50 levels are not enough, Give Up, Robot offers 11 more hardcore levels.

If you like the game and the others available on his site, such as Give Up, Robot 2, Thorson is currently working on a new title with fellow de-veloper Alec Holowka. The game is called Planet Punch and is for the gaming website Adult Swim.

TIME TO PLAY

Hang in thereGame developer Matt Thorson gives advice on how to become an indie game developer

> MICHAEL HEMMINGS

Unique in the world of financial planning, the Tax Free Savings Account (TFSA) is one of many tools that help Canadians save for their financial goals.

The federal government introduced the TFSA in 2009. It is, however, misnamed. It should be called a Tax Free Investment Account. Some financial institutions will happily have you open a TFSA with them, as they take the third letter in the acronym literally by keeping your money in a savings account. What is wrong with that?

Savings accounts have very low interest rate re-turns (usually between 0.25 per cent and 1.4 per cent) often accompanied by high costs in terms of both fees and taxes. In addition, some financial intuitions will then take your money and lend it out at high rates to others. In other words, your money funds opportunities for some institutions to make large profits. but you suffer the indignity

of poor performance and little financial gain. While there are some so-called higher-interest savings accounts (with interest rates between 1.35 per cent to 2.0 per cent) out there, their potential gains are still lower than other invest-ments. Additionally, the inflation rate is around 2.0 per cent. So, any gains you might make are eaten up by the costs of living.

The only way to protect yourself is to know what you are doing, so ask questions, seek advice from more than one source and read the fine print.

TFSAs are a different beast. The growth on any monies you put into a TFSA will not be taxed at all. You can put your monies into virtually any form of investment, such as stocks, bonds and mutual funds, potentially getting a higher yield for your money. Since 2009, any Canadian who is 18 years or older may contribute up to $5 000 per year to a TFSA. The government has raised this

limit to $5 500 as of January 2013. In addition, if any Canadian has not contributed any money to a TFSA since 2009, they can retroactively add that full amount to a TFSA without penalty (e.g., $20 000 since 2009).

Speaking of penalties: if you over-contribute, you will be subject to a fine, and if you withdraw any money in a given year, you cannot replace it until the following January. Short of these two rules, there is not a downside to this investment opportunity. Of course, if you choose to access this opportunity, you should do so on the basis of a comprehensive, intelligently thought-out plan based upon your risk profile and the time you have for investing.

There is, in general, a hierarchy for investing: first, max out your contribution to a Registered Retirement Savings Plan (RRSP); second, max out your TFSA contributions; and third, focus on non-registered investments (investments not registered

with the government, such as stocks and bonds connected with companies). By following this pat-tern, you minimize, defer or eliminate payment of tax, thus putting more money in your pocket.

For students, the TFSA is an excellent op-portunity to start saving because you have the potential to save more money as it grows using this instrument. An RRSP for students makes little sense because most students do not make enough money to save any taxes. If you put your money into a TFSA, you can begin growing your money, and once you are out of university and in a career, you can transfer all your TFSA earnings into a RRSP — when it will actually have a ben-eficial effect. Again, though, I cannot emphasize enough that any investments you make now or in the future have to be tied to your goals and concerns, your sensitivity to risk and your time horizon for investing.

UNCOMMON CENTS

Tax Free Savings Account ideal for students

REBECCA COMEAU

OpinionsEDITORIAL

CREDIT

VOLUME 65 • ISSUE 18

When you get back from your holidays, you'll probably have a lot to say about what's gotta change in the new year.

You know who you should tell. Email opinions@martlet.ca.

Looking back and ahead

LETTERS

8 OPINIONS • MARTLET December 13, 2012

@themartlet

youtube.com/martletuvic

fb.com/martletuvic

connect with us online!

martlet.ca

/³fty

Editor-in-Chief • Vanessa Annand edit@martlet.caProduction Co-ordinator • Glen O’Neill proco@martlet.caManaging Editor • Erin Ball maned@martlet.caAdvertising Director • Marc Junker ads@martlet.ca News Editor • Shandi Shiach news@martlet.ca Opinions Editor • Sol Kauffman opinions@martlet.ca Culture Editor • Tyler Laing culture@martlet.ca Features & Humour Editor • Geoff Line martlet.humour.feature@gmail.comSports & Lifestyle Editor • Kevin Underhill sports.martlet@gmail.com Business & Tech Editor • Nina Neissl businesstech.martlet@gmail.com Photo Editor • Hugo Wong photo@martlet.caVideo Co-ordinator • Alan Piffer video@martlet.ca Graphics Editor • Klara Woldenga comics.martlet@gmail.caWeb Editor • Liz McArthur web@martlet.caDistribution Co-ordinator • Jon-Paul Zacharias jpzach@uvic.caVolunteer Co-ordinator • Marta LigockiProduction Assistant • William WorkmanStaff Writers • Vanessa Hawk, Tia Low, Marketing Co-ordinator • Emily Ternullo Copy Editors • Ashley Hampson & JP ZachariasDistribution • Matt Loewen, Ivan Marko, Coltin Neyrinck, Stefan Lake, Jon-Paul ZachariasContributors • Karlie Banville, Lewis Bockner, Rebecca Comeau, Alex Davidson, Matt DiMera, Katherine Goertz, Patrick Grace, Robyn Gray, Michael Hemmings, Ryan MacDonald, Erica Martin, Camille Morales, Blake Morneau, Patrick Murry, David Norwell, Mike Parolini, Kaitlyn Rosenburg, Todd Schmid

Want to help with the Editorial? Editorial topics are decided on by staff at our weekly editorial meetings. These meetings take place at 11 a.m. every Wednesday in the Martlet office (SUB B011). Editorials are written by one or more staff members and are not necessarily the opinion of all staff members.

Happy? Sad? Enraged? Tell us: letters@martlet.caThe Martlet has an open letters policy and will endeavour to print letters received from the university and local community. Letters must be submitted by email, include your real name and affiliation to UVic, and have “Letter to the editor” in the subject line. Letters must be under 200 words and may be edited. Letters must be sent by the Friday before publication in order to be considered for publication. The Martlet Publishing Society is an incorporated B.C. society and a full member of Canadian University Press (CUP). We strive to act as an agent of constructive social change and will not print racist, sexist, homophobic or otherwise oppressive copy.

Cover Photo • Vanessa Hawk

Martlet (SUB B011)P.O. BOX 3035 University of VictoriaVictoria, B.C. V8W 3P3

Newsroom: 250.721.8360Editor: 250.853.3206Business: 250.721.8361Advertising: 250.721.8359Fax: 250.472.4556

SOLUTION FOR TRANSIT: OPERATE FOR PROFIT

Transit should operate on a for-profit basis, and its prices should closely reflect market forces — even if it means that transit fares increase.

Mass transit has one major advantage: where there is sufficient demand, transit is inherently cheaper than private automobile usage because the costs are spread over many people, mak-ing the per-person cost lower. That’s why most people fly with commercial airlines instead of chartering private jets, for example. But keeping the price too low reduces the ability of transit service to provide more routes and to expand

into sustainability. This may seem like a radical departure, but

consider that London, England, contracts out its bus service. If one of the world’s busiest cities can co-ordinate a public-private partnership of this magnitude, there is no reason smaller cities can’t do the same. The key is to create the right incentives and institutions. The current model of treating transit as a welfare service has failed. It is time to make transit the first choice for com-muters, not the last.

William PerryCommunity member

> SOL KAUFFMAN

When we were growing up, our instant-speed communiqués fed our split-second attention spans.

It was impossible to stay cool, calm and col-lected while waiting for your friend to hit Enter. So much potential drama and delicious intrigue swirled around the unknowns of that MSN Messenger text box. “[Username] is typing a message . . .” We watched the cast of Radio Free Roscoe wait impatiently for their friends to call, but little did they know the greater horrors of typing a message and waiting for someone to message you back.

These days, I hardly ever use Facebook chat, despite the fact that all my friends are on it in some form all the time — no more calling some-one to tell them to go online. When I get home from work, I don’t check Yahoo! Messenger or ICQ before anything else, and if I stay up late swapping stories, it’s at the bar. But whenever I think about how much influence instant mes-saging and chat had on my social development as a kid, I fall into self-analysis.

As a writer, I used to consider my written work to be a purer form of my personality. Though what came out of my mouth was often less inhibited, the craft of putting words together one-by-one on the page made me feel like I was expressing myself better. For those of us who feel (or used to feel) pretty awkward in person, it was amazing to be able to share our deepest thoughts and emotions with our friends through the filter of text when it was often so hard to do so verbally.

I periodically do the time warp and read up on my past self’s conversations. Over time, I’ve realized I misused that filter. I leaned on it to re-duce the shyness I felt in person and embolden me to say things I otherwise wouldn’t have said.

I subjected countless girls to my comical at-tempts at flirtation, and I foisted all manner of incredibly TMI content on my long-suffering pals. Not that they weren’t equally complicit; I’d argue our whole generation is a little guilty of pouring ourselves out via instant messag-ing. I can only imagine how things would have changed if I’d been forced to ask someone out in person or call out a hater to their face. How different would I be now, with another several years of confidence behind me? How different would all of us be?

I haven’t totally left that life behind. My girl-friend and I are both reasonably mature twenty-somethings with busy lives, and like many of you, we see each other in person less than we’d like. Our hobbies, jobs and passions keep us go-ing, just as they would whether we were in rela-tionships or not. But we still lean a little on that technological tin-can-and-string between us. A witty pun here, a flirtatious grin there and, once in a while, a reaching out for connection that is met with a warm-hearted reply. Whether an eight-hour night shift is crushing my spirits or a sunny bike ride with friends is lifting hers, the feeling that someone is just a message away means a lot.

Just don’t blow up your partner’s inbox com-pletely. There are limits to love.

P.S. I kind of left you hanging after the last installment of Growing Pains, didn’t I? I ended up getting a lab coat from the UVic book-store and going as Dr. Wilson from House for Halloween. I had a great time, too. Wearing something I felt handsome in helped me feel more comfortable, for sure. Most importantly, I was among friends, and it didn’t matter what we ended up doing.

Have a great holiday season, gang. Catch you on the flip side.

GROWING PAINS

Generation of communication

This year in the Martlet, we’ve talked everything from Chairman Harper to ferry follies, oil spills to Comic-Con ills. Now the new year is rolling on in, and it’s time for us all to look back on some of the most interest-ing players in 2012 and figure out what they should do in 2013. Because making up others’ resolutions is a hard job — but someone’s gotta do it.

B.C. TRANSIT AND CANADIAN AUTO WORKERS (CAW) LOCAL 333

Negotiations have left workers without a formal agreement since the end of March. It’s no skin off our backs if drivers want to stay in mufti all season, but we’re all still keeping the transit cancellations page book-marked in our smartphones as a result of the overtime ban. Meanwhile, busted buses are piling up in the yard. Forget the gym membership, guys — let’s see some concessions and a real agreement by the new year.

NATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE PLAYERS’ ASSOCIATION

Only seven years after the dreaded lockout of 2005, the dandy folks of the NHL and the NHLPA are at it again. Resolution after resolution is shot down as both sides refuse to give in. It looks like another cancelled season lies ahead, and as a result, we may just have to hop on the Seahawks bandwagon with our neigh-bours down south as they hunt for a playoff spot. Get it together in 2013, professional hockey hellions.

CANADIAN FORCES BASE ESQUIMALT

The cancellation of CFB Esquimalt’s annual Navy Lighting Contest has left a $20 000 hole (based on amounts collected in recent years) in the Mustard Seed Food Bank’s annual donation budget. While con-struction and maintenance on the base is probably pretty important, so are the people who depend on the donations and for whom the event creates a happy holiday. It would be awesome to see some other Mustard Seed–centric events at the base to make up for it in the new year. Maybe put on a first annual Family Day event with proceeds to families in need? And next year’s light-up better be epic.

UVIC STUDENTS

Kudos to those who voted to keep Felicita’s as the Student Union Building pub name. Felicita Gomez, the pub’s namesake, was a SUB janitor between 1967 and 1996. Word has it that she touched the lives of many of the students at the time and was something of a legend on campus. When the UVSS decided to put the pub’s name to a vote, UVic students made it clear they didn’t want it to change. Felicita Gomez’s legacy lives on, one pint at a time. Keep on rockin’ in the free world of 2013, UVic.

THE ROYAL CANADIAN MOUNTED POLICE

Comox Valley RCMP officer Chris Backus recently rescued a man and his dog from the swift waters of the Puntledge River. Great job, Backus. If only the RCMP could be considered so heroic when it comes to women. The Star Phoenix reports that a November audit “revealed that women account for just one-fifth of the RCMP’s workforce, are more likely to drop out of basic training than their male counterparts and are altogether jaded by the promotional process.” In addition, only 65 per cent of Canadians think the RCMP is sensitive to the needs of women. The Mounties have a serious self-improvement project for the new year, we’d say.

From all of us at the Martlet, have a great holiday season and a wonderful new year. Keep your eyes peeled; we’ll see you again on Jan.10.

KLARA WOLDENGA

December 13, 2012 MARTLET • OPINIONS 9

> ERICA MARTIN

The recent legalization of marijuana by the states of Colorado and Washington shows that attitudes towards the drug have been chang-ing. A Canadian poll recently cited in the Toronto Star revealed that 65 per cent of Cana-dians support either legalization and taxa-tion of the drug or decriminalizing it in small amounts. These aren’t just the votes belonging to your campus college liberal meme or peace-nik hippie. As a whole, Canada is tuning into the economic and societal benefits of legalizing or decriminalizing marijuana.

The Huffington Post recently reported on a study that found that, between 2010 and 2011, California experienced a 20 per cent decrease in juvenile crime, bringing underage crime to its lowest level since record keeping began in 1954. According to the study, this improvement can be attributed to the punishment for possessing a small amount of marijuana being reduced from a misdemeanour to an infraction, which gener-ally garners only a fine or a ticket. This incred-ible reduction in youth being sentenced and jailed for possession has helped them to stay out of the criminal justice system and pursue more positive lifestyle choices. The effect of those more positive lifestyles is clear: serious youth crime in California has decreased faster than in the rest of the nation.

The Vancouver Sun also recently cited a study that found that 75 per cent of B.C. respondents favour taxation and regulation of marijuana possession as opposed to prosecuting marijuana users. Instead of adopting this approach, the Conservative party opts for mandatory prison

sentences for non-violent marijuana offences. Even so, prohibition has been an epic failure. Despite marijuana’s illegality and the count-less dollars spent on ineffective or incomplete law enforcement, British Columbians still buy, in total, about half a billion dollars’ worth of pot per year, according to a study published by University of British Columbia and Simon Fraser University researchers.

Instead of solving the problems that the war on drugs set out to fix, government policy has created new ones. For example, one of the most prominent issues in B.C. is that various gangs are competing in the marijuana market, each seeking to gain full control over this immensely profitable plant. Instead of taking the money and power out of the hands of these gangs, the government chooses not to tax and regulate marijuana. Hey, why not keep the cash flowing to the gangsters?

A coalition called Stop the Violence B.C. states that legalizing and regulating marijuana would reduce gang violence and convert criminal prof-its into tax revenue for the government. Accord-ing to an Angus Reid poll published in 2011, 87 per cent of B.C. residents think that gang violence is linked to organized crime control of the marijuana trade.

Data from Washington, a state that has roughly the same number of pot smokers as B.C., suggests the state could bring in $2.5 bil-lion in taxes from the marijuana industry over five years.

The Conservatives are making a mistake by not addressing this issue. They should take a page from some U.S. states’ book and reform Canada’s drug policies.

Marijuana legalization needed in Canada

CAMILLE MORALES

> STUART ARMSTRONG

As we approach the holiday season, I usually start thinking about the Dickensian themes of love, family and good will towards my fellow man. And then I remember that I know a lot of people who found their families not by being born into them, but by collecting them through the years.

Most people don’t know this, but Charles Dick-ens’ novella A Christmas Carol helped reinvent Christmas in 1843. The book helped change it into the family-centred secular holiday that we know and enjoy today, which involves charity to others, large meals, gifts and games. This launched a Christmas revival in Britain and the United States. But a question gnaws at some friends and me every year: what is family, and who is part of ours?

I come from a small town in the Interior that, despite all its aesthetic charm, really has nothing. Absolutely nothing, except in some cases the horror of small-town trivialities and dysfunctional family trauma. And so I and a lot of my high school friends have moved here or to Vancouver for school, and I keep meeting them in the oddest places along the Coast; the SkyTrain in Vancouver, for example.

I met with a number of them recently and discussed Christmas. As we compared childhood horror stories, one of these friends told me that during Christmas visits she would usually end up working through three bottles of gin under her bed two days after arriving. She, like me, will spend two days experiencing the comfort-able romanticism of childhood memories. After that, we are exposed to the traumatic reality

of our dysfunctional families. Another friend of mine has a similar problem, but was unof-ficially adopted by some former co-workers he met while working at a restaurant when he and I were going to college together. He visits them first whenever he comes into town.

Talking with friends from home, I concluded that family is not something that we are born with. It is something we either find or earn in our time on Earth. Some people are born and find their families right away (that’s rather convenient isn’t it? Lucky buggers). Others find it in friends, at school, at work, while backpack-ing abroad or through some other serendipitous life event. Sometimes it happens all at once, or sometimes we collect them like tastefully chosen formal and party clothes we pick up at various markets, fairs and second-hand stores. As some-

one who loves to dive into little hole-in-the-wall places and discover things, I find that sometimes that is the best source of anything.

This coming Christmas season, skip the visit from the dead business partner and the spirits of Christmas Past, Present and Yet to Come. If there is something you need to change as part of your Christmas or your life, don’t wait and see if things get better on their own. You’ll just end up with a neglected and forgotten tombstone that people will only visit if there is a free lunch. But that is only a shadow of things that might be, and can be changed. Keep the spirit of the season with you all the year through, and if you need to, keep searching for people to share that with. Family is something we find, either in our past or present, or in events yet to come. God bless us, every one.

Finding your family during the holidaysHUGO WONG

10 FEATURE • MARTLET December 13, 2012

I am sure that my friends are spending their Saturday night partying at a club or perhaps relax-ing at home, but I am more excited by the minute as I hear the echo of bagpipes within the Bay Street Armouries Hall in Victoria. While the first Saturday of each month is the meeting of the Vancouver Island Pipers Club, this meeting on Nov. 3 is particularly special; it is the 40th reunion of the City of Victoria Pipe Band (CVPB).

A dozen or so bagpipers stand in a horseshoe in the sergeants’ mess; their music fills the warmly lit room. Some of the pipers are clad in light red and green kilts (the ancient Lenox tartan), while others are in semi-formal shirts and slacks. Behind the pipers, the drummers stand. Six are on snare drums, two on tenors and one on bass. The sergeants’ mess is lined with long, wooden tables, around which a full audience sits. For the first half of the show, I stand against the wall since all seats are taken. The musicians in the group have reputations in the bagpiping community, and they have come from across Canada and the United States for this performance.

Fellow UVic student and bagpiper Tim Erdmer is also at the CVPB performance this night. He says, “I feel privileged and extremely fortunate to be able to see performances like [this]. For anyone in-volved in the piping community, seeing the star-studded lineup of the reunited City of Victoria Pipe Band is like having Yo-Yo Ma or someone of equal calibre give a private concert in your living room.”

The band begins by playing approximately 15 minutes’ worth of material as a group, and after-wards, various bagpipers and drummers play as individuals or in duets.

The difference between a low- and high-calibre bagpipe band is not apparent to untrained ears. This is an instrument that is finely tuned. There are four reeds in one set of bagpipes: one for the chanter (from which the melody emits), and one for each drone (the three tubes resting on a bagpiper’s shoulder, which make the deep, constant sound in the background as a piper plays). The drones must be tuned to the same pitch, one octave apart, and that pitch must be in tune with the chanter. When a band plays, each set of bagpipes must be set to the exact same pitch; the goal is to make the band sound as though it is one instrument. It can take up to an hour to tune a band together.

Considering that the reunion band is made of musicians who have come from across the continent, it is amazing how well they are tuned together. To be heard over the bagpipes, the snare drums have a cracking, sharp sound — the instrument is a high-tension drum with snares on both the top and bottom heads (snares being strings of tightly spiraled metal stretched across the head of the drum). Snare drummers play technical rhythms and intricate taps and rolls. Tenor and bass drums can be compared to the bass guitar in a rock band: they have a deeper sound to accent the bagpipe music and keep the beat steady for the entire band.

Leading the band in this performance is James W. Troy, who played a huge role in creating both the CVPB and the Vancouver Island Pipers Club. Through a bagpiping camp in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, he brought together a group of musicians to form a Grade 1 band. In the world of bagpiping compe-titions, Grade 1 is considered the highest level at which a band can compete; Troy remembers that, at the various competitions, “the sound of the music was cranked to a whole new level. People from all sorts of world-class bands would go wide-eyed when the sound came on.”

Immediately following the band’s performance, it is announced that Jack Lee, a piper from Van-couver, won the Piobaireachd (pronounced “pea-brock”) event at the Glenfiddich Championship one week previous, and will perform his award-winning tune for us to start off the solo part of the evening. The Glenfiddich Championship is a competition held at the castle at Blair Atholl, Scotland, and is widely regarded as an extremely prestigious bagpiping competition. There are two events in which the bagpipers compete: the March, Strathspey and Reel event (MSR), and the Piobaireachd. Piobaireachd is an ancient form of bagpipe music that is slow and melodic.

Following Lee’s Piobaireachd performance at the Pipers Club, a number of other world-renowned bagpipers, such as Bruce Gandy, perform as soloists. A solo drummer named Blair (Buzz) Brown performs, as well as a drummer and piper duet.

A MULTI-GENERATIONAL COMMUNITY

The performance by the CVPB illustrates how many bagpipers are fortunate enough to be able to play alongside their mentors 40 years after they first played in a band together. It’s a resillient com-munty, too: though the CVPB ceased to be an organization in the late ’90s (hence the excitement associated with the band’s reunion), many of its members went on to form the The Greater Victoria Police Pipe Band, which still operates in the community today.

Being a bagpiper entails more than simply playing the instrument. The bonds formed within the bagpiping community are extremely tight. Countless bagpipe bands of various levels exist in Canada alone, and musicians travel far to compete against each other or play together. The tradition of bag-piping is often carried on over generations; musicians that met each other as toddlers will continue to pipe against each other until they are 70 and will quite likely compete against their own children.

Both Troy and Colin Magee — who was a key member of the CVPB from its beginning in 1972 — have children who played with the band and then went on to play in other Grade 1 pipe bands in Canada and in Scotland. Both of Troy’s children, James Troy Jr. and Jacquie Troy-Carter, performed at the reunion as well. Carter said she was pleased to have been able to play snare drum alongside two of her uncles — both of whom have made a name for themselves in the bagpiping community.

Michael Abel, an audience member at the Nov. 3 Pipers Club meet, thoroughly enjoyed the perfor-

mance. As someone who does not play bagpipes, he feels that bagpipes represent “the preservation of Scottish heritage.” He says, “Seeing as Canada represents a mosaic of various cultures, it is impor-tant to keep traditional types of music alive.” For many bagpipers, playing this instrument is based on a Scottish heritage, but for others, it is based on a passion for the music. Many people are driven by their love of the community; fellow musicians form a large part of a bagpiper’s social network.

Gord Pollock was a member of the CVPB and played an important role in bringing the band togeth-er for the performance at the Pipers Club. Pollock began playing pipes when he was nine years old and living in Vancouver. When he moved to Victoria in his last year of high school, he began taking lessons from the elder Troy and began playing with the band. After the show, when asked how he felt about the reunion performance, Pollock says, “The reunion weekend was pretty special for me. The fact that so many came from so far to be there was a tribute to Jamie and to how important this band was at the time.”

Pollock is not the only piper who expresses this emotion towards the reunion performance. Magee says, “The camaraderie that we enjoyed as a group over the years was a major part of all of our lives, and it was reaffirming to get together as a group at the reunion and still be as free and easy with each other as we had been as young adolescents. I think some of that joie de vivre came across in the performance at the club.”

According to the elder Troy, “It was Magee and Pollock who spirited the whole thing; they emailed 40 people who had at one time played with the band. Jacquie [my daughter and the president of the Pipers Club] ran with it. We didn’t know who was going to show up.”

There was a great turnout. World champions came out from all across Canada and the States: Peter Amounier from Toronto, Rob Barrick from Portland, Jack Lee and Terry Lee from Vancouver, as well as many others.

YEAR-ROUND OPPORTUNITIES WITH THE PIPERS CLUB

While many bagpipe competitions take place over the summer (primarily due to the practicality of being able to hold competitions in outdoor venues), there are not many opportunities for perfor-mance or competition during the winter. The bagpipes are an extremely demanding instrument, and when players do not have an event to prepare for, they can find it difficult to be motivated. Being part of a bagpipe band can give performers a reason to get together once a week and practise, but solo players are not likely to visit with fellow bagpipers as much over non-competitive months. Since the CVPB disbanded, there are not many competitive pipe bands on Vancouver Island. However, the Pipers Club provides many performers with a way to play during the winter months. For people interested in Scottish music, it allows any individual to come and listen.

The Vancouver Island Pipers Club first began in 1968 when pipe major Ian Duncan was teaching a number of young players on the Island and involving them in the local junior band.

Magee says, “The monthly Vancouver Island meetings provided a vehicle for the young players to hone their skills and expand their repertoires.”

While the club is meant for local talent from on and around the Island, it also serves as a place for up-and-coming musicians to partake without feeling as though a competitive standard applies. The elder Troy says that the club’s aim is “to present a great program for people in the area and [to] try to make it interesting so people will come out once a month to hear good piping.” He adds, “Anyone can play; after the main program, anyone is welcome to perform. We have had some great programs. Many bands from over the years — bands from up-Island, Triumph Street, New Westminster Police, and bands from Scotland . . . The Pipers Club gives them a night so they can have a purpose for playing.”

While pipers clubs in other cities sometimes struggle to find enough people who are interested in Scottish music, the Highland community in Victoria is alive and well.

Barrick, who came out from Portland to perform in the reunion, says, “The Pipers Club is great; they all have changed over the years, but the home town one is still the best. The Portland club is struggling most of the time for attendance.”

NEW BLOOD IN BAGPIPING

I had the privilege of playing at the Pipers Club as a soloist in my first year at UVic in 2009; it was a challenge to find the space to practise ahead of time while living in residence, but I was thrilled to be able to play for such an enthusiastic audience. I was able to perform there again with the New Westminster Police Pipe Band in 2011.

My peer Erdmer performed solo at the Pipers Club in March of 2010 as the Cowichan Pipes and Drums’ featured student. When asked what some of his favourite performances have been, he says, “Seeing James Troy Jr. and James Troy Sr. play is always a treat, as well as when select solo players from the world champion Simon Fraser University Pipe Band or other Grade 1 bands perform. For local flavour, the session group of smallpipes players from Vancouver Island is not to be missed.”

For people interested in getting in touch with their Scottish roots, admission is cheap, and the Bay Street Armouries is only a bus ride away. If, on Jan. 5, you find yourself in need of a good place to hear bagpipes, meet new friends and perhaps sip a Scotch or two, I highly recommend that you check out the Vancouver Island Pipers Club.

story by Robyn Gray

Piping hotPiping hotPiping hotPiping hotphotos by Ryan MacDonald

December 13, 2012 MARTLET • FEATURE 11

Pipe Major Troy introduces the band at the Pipers Club performance.

Left to right: Peter Aumonier, Jack Lee, Gord Pollock and Pipe Major Troy rehearse before their performance.

James P. Troy, the Pipe Major’s son, watches his father tune the band.

Left to right: David Martin, Rene Cusson, David Hennigan, James P. Troy and Bruce Gandy perform at the Bay Street Armoury.

CULTURE

> KARLIE BANVILLE

Shortly after his 16th birthday, Leon (Ted) Smith smoked his first joint. He was on a family vacation in Ontario and joined his cousin and some of his cousin’s friends at a rented fishing cabin. “I remember feeling quite intoxicated and being intimidated that I had to go back to supper with my parents completely out of sorts,” recalls Smith in a telephone interview.

Smith was born in the farming community of Monkton, Ont. — population approximately 540. It was 1985 when Smith smoked his first joint. His parents didn’t approve or partake themselves, although they had close friends who did.

Smith relocated to Vancouver in 1994, bring-ing with him his undergraduate Philosophy

degree from Wilfrid Laurier University. He had written a number of manuscripts that he hoped to publish — everything from poetry to a phi-losophy of pessimism. But after seeing a massive clearcut in Clayoquot Sound, B.C., Smith was pained that these books would be written on trees that once grew from the ground in front of him. He discovered shortly thereafter that hemp was an eco-friendly alternative to tree-based paper, and then learned that was only one of hemp’s many uses.

“And then I went to my first Hempology meet-ing in Vancouver . . . and it just seemed to me that someone had to tell the story of this plant,” he says.

In 1995, Smith moved for a final time to Victoria. He lived in his van and spent his time trying to strike up conversations about hemp

and marijuana reform. While hosting meetings downtown, Smith met Leslie Davies. Davies vol-unteered within the AIDS community by baking brownies and cookies that contained marijuana. Ted observed that Davies’ marijuana cookies did more than just give people the munchies.

“[Those people] stabilized, they felt better, they put on weight, they went back to work.” says Smith. In collaboration with Davies, Smith established the Cannabis Buyers’ Club of Canada in 1996.

The club is a non-profit organization that pro-vides marijuana to approximately 4 500 people with various ailments and disabilities. Smith says the club has saved, extended and improved the lives of many.

Smith also established Hempology 101, a not-for-credit course at UVic, in 2005. Between 150–200 students have gone through the lecture series since its inception. Smith now has a textbook to accompany his lectures that came out this past summer — one that he says was 17 years in the making.

Hempology 101: The History and Uses of Canna-bis Sativa comprehensively outlines marijuana and hemp use in the past and details the plant’s place in our future.

Smith believes that Canada could see legaliza-tion soon after the next election, provided the Conservative Party loses. Smith believes a pos-sible private member’s bill from Elizabeth May, along with the support of other left and centre parties, will bring the end of marijuana prohibi-tion to Canada.

The recent legalization of marijuana in Wash-ington and Colorado brings hope to Smith. He says America no longer has the moral authority, and there’s no reason for them to lock up the border if Canada legalizes marijuana. Smith asserts we will see the end of prohibition in his lifetime. “And likely a lot sooner,” he says.

She's like a bird ... and so is the Martlet!

Flip to page 14 for our interview with Nelly Furtado.

12 CULTURE • MARTLET December 13, 2012

Pot advocate Ted Smith has high hopes for the future The march for marijuana legalization

PETER MOORE First yearGeneral Studies “Sometimes when I’m really desperate to learn information in a short amount of time, I’ll just sort of walk around my apartment with my textbook balanced on my head, and … the concentration of balancing this textbook on your head helps take the infor-mation from the textbook and puts it just directly into your brain.”

SARAH BRACK Fourth yearSociology

“Every four pages I read, I play two games of Tetris. There’s this thing called the Tetris effect — that’s when you play too much Tetris and you start to dream Tetris. You just see it all the time, and I unfortunately have that.” Martlet: “How is effective is that?” SB: “I’ve gotten to my fourth year so, I would say decently.”

CAM GIANNOTTIFirst yearEarth and Ocean Sciences(but switching into Geography)

“I go swimming in the ocean with some friends between study sessions. It clears your mind completely, and then you’re just refreshed and good to go again.”

Martlet: “It’s not too cold?”

CG: “It’s kind of cold, but it’s not too bad.”

What extreme or unusual things do you do to help you study?

> DOCUMENTED BY TYLER LAING AND MARTA LIGOCKI

Marijuana activist Ted Smith is hopeful that the drug will be legalized in Canada soon. LEWIS BOCKNER

December 13, 2012 MARTLET • CULTURE 13

EL-P CANCER 4 CUREThe genius behind one of the great hip-hop labels of all time (Definitive Jux), El-P keeps his impeccable solo streak going with this grimy, bruising sonic onslaught. With Cancer 4 Cure, El-P has created a menacing sound-scape over which he uses his rhymes to paint a vivid and terrifying picture of the modern future. Songs like “Drones Over BKLYN” ooze with the violence of an inescapably warped, pornography-poisoned, war-obsessed society. Even in the midst of all of this terror, “Tougher Colder Killer,” one of the album’s many high-lights, manages to shock with its violence as El-P opens the song with the declaration, “To the mother of my enemy: I just killed your son /He died with his face to the sky and it cannot be undone.” Here, El-P and the Big Beast himself, Killer Mike, prove that the best in the game can embrace the violence that has engulfed hip-hop while scaling intellectual heights.

THE WALKMEN HEAVENFrom the opening notes of the sublime “We Can’t Be Beat,” it’s clear that New York garage kings The Walkmen have created something special. Perhaps the most aptly titled album of the year, Heaven is overflowing with joy and life, with a stream of heartbreak running throughout. The bright, jangly guitars of songs like “Nightingales” and the jaw-dropping title track create happiness crescendos, peaks that make the sparse, quiet moments chilling. This is an album of immense maturity and depth. It is a testament not so much to growing up, but to growing comfortable and finding joy even as the weight of years past continues to build.

MIKE DOUGHTY THE FLIP IS ANOTHER HONEYCover records are a tricky thing. It seems impossible to craft a unique record built out of already written songs, and to do it in a way that not only pays respect to the original tracks, but that also keeps your individual style intact. Mike Doughty, one of the most unique voices in music since the ‘90s, the man behind Soul Coughing, infuses an incredible list of songs with his hip-hop, beatnik delivery. Doughty is never willing to follow a single path. Songs like Thin Lizzy’s “Running Back” and Cheap Trick’s “Southern Girls” get transformed completely, creating en-tirely different feelings. The haunting, trip-hop

reworking of the Stone Roses’ “Tightrope” and big, bouncy retelling of John Denver’s “Sun-shine on my Shoulders” are more than pleasant surprises, proving Doughty is still an exciting, vibrant voice.

PATTERSON HOOD HEAT LIGHTNING RUMBLES IN THE DISTANCEDrive-By Truckers co-founder and alt-country king Patterson Hood’s third album is a song-writing fan’s dream. Heat Lightning Rumbles in the Distance is a document of a life filled with sadness, loss and hope. The most arrest-ing moments on the album — and there are many — come when Hood allows the roots of the past to wrap around the chords and words, like in the chilling “Depression Era,” which is about a father too hardened by life. It’s not all despair, though. Bright patches shine, like the gorgeous duet with Kelly Hogan, “Come Back Little Star,” or the wonderfully confused “Better Off Without.” Heat Lightning Rumbles in the Distance only reaffirms my suspicion that Patterson Hood may be the most important songwriter working today.

THE COUP SORRY TO BOTHER YOUBoots Riley has made his name as one of the greatest storytellers in hip-hop, a lyricist of the highest order. On Sorry To Bother You, Riley drops the long, winding verses for concise word-punches to the face. Continuing the arc started on the Coup’s last release, Pick a Bigger Weapon, the music here is built on a live band that makes the record pop from the speakers. With incredibly varied instrumentation that includes kazoos and accordions providing the beats for Riley’s intelligent, razor-sharp rhymes, Sorry To Bother You is one of the most immedi-ate and challenging records of the year.

PAUL F. TOMPKINSLABORING UNDER DELUSIONS: LIVE IN BROOKLYNStand-up comedy isn’t often thought of as a medium that lends itself to repeated listens, but here “the famous comedian Paul F. Tompkins,” as his introduction states, delivers an intelligent and elegantly performed show centred on the various jobs he has held over the years and on his ever-present fear of getting yelled at (the driving force behind his enrolment in college). The subject matter has a near-universal appeal

as most of us have had to work and avoid being yelled at. If he was the “gentleman bandit” when he was stealing from the video store he worked at, Tompkins has become the “gentleman come-dian,” endlessly affable and hopelessly witty.

CORB LUND CABIN FEVERFor more than 15 years, Corb Lund has been one of the most consistently great songwriters working, getting sharper with each subsequent release. Cabin Fever continues his mastery of country music. Each song on the record is unique, yet fits into the overall whole. The songs

cover an array of topics with equal parts humour and insight. It takes an immense talent like Lund to string a set of songs together that cover cow-boy wisdom (“Cows Around”), post-apocalyptic survival (“Gettin’ Down on the Mountain”), tricking law enforcement (“Bible on the Dash”), desperate heartache (“September”) and super-fast motorcycles (“Mein Deutsches Motorrad”). Cabin Fever is undoubtedly one of the best-writ-ten records of 2012 and proof that Lund’s star shines as bright as ever.

> BLAKE MORNEAU

Most interesting albums of the year, part two

MUSIC RAGS

> ALEX DAVIDSON

Recording artist and UVic student Sophia Mock, who as a musician goes by her first name only, sits impeccably dressed in matching leather and jeans, legs crossed, quiet in demeanour. She seems shy, a woman clearly more comfortable on a stage than in an interview. It’s not surpris-ing for someone who’s had a microphone in front of her for as long as Sophia has. At age 10, she was performing in crowded Tokyo night-clubs as the youngest member of a Japanese teen pop group, “HappyNs.”

“It was my first time performing, so it gave me that experience,” says Sophia. “We also did dance moves, and I got to learn [some choreography].”

Sophia may have left the stages of Tokyo at age 12, but she took her microphone with her. And then she picked up a pen. At just 18 years old, Sophia has written three singles that have made notable music charts, such as the Mediabase Hot AC charts and the OZ Radio Weekly Top 40 charts. Her second single, titled “Sunglasses,”

also gave her the opportunity to perform at Kool FM’s Days of Summer as well as her own private concert, aptly named “An evening with Sophia” — both of which took place in 2012.

In 2010, Sophia’s talent spurred her father, Guy Mock, to create Prodigy Music Group. Mock, 46, previously worked for 14 years at Bloomberg in Japan before moving to Victoria to retire. He started Prodigy to support his daugh-ter’s singing career.

“I thought it was all kind of cutesy, but I picked her up from vocal practice one day and she was singing an Italian opera piece in Ital-ian and it blew me away,” explains the elder Mock. “I realized the only way for her to [be successful] in this impenetrable industry was to start a label.”

In that same year, he signed Steve Kroeger as his daughter’s producer. Kroeger, 19, has known Sophia since high school and has been compos-ing and producing since he was 14.

“By the time I got to know Steve, he had written 200 beats and was selling them online for $25

a piece,” says the elder Mock. “Since Steve was writing all these beats, and they were so creative and original, I signed him so we could add more substance to the label and have more instrumen-tals for artists to write to.” He acknowledges that it was a good business decision as well.

The third artist on Prodigy’s label, Angelo Marchelletta, who goes by the stage name A-Lo, was signed under what seemed to be much more dubious circumstances. After being caught ripping Kroeger’s music off the Internet, A-Lo sought to make amends.

“He called me and was really apologetic,” says the elder Mock. “But I actually really liked the things he was doing with Steve’s beats, so rather than get angry, I signed him.”

And then it all set in. “My little hobby to support my daughter’s

endeavours turned into a serious music project,” he says.

Although she receives support from her father, it’s Sophia at the wheel with Kroeger and A-Lo working the pedals.

“Sophia’s really good at coming up with melo-dies,” explains Kroeger. “She has a great idea of how she wants her song to sound.”

“It’s a lot more exciting because I know what’s going on and I’ve improved with songwriting and making music,” says Sophia. “I sing about personal experiences. I write things that people can relate to most of the time.”

Since initial radio play of her and A-Lo’s first single, “Tonight,” Sophia has finished another song — a collaboration with A-Lo and Kroeger — titled “Superhero,” set to come out Jan. 8, 2013.

Sophia will also be teaming up with producer Troy Samson, who has worked with such artists as Kreesha Turner, Hedley and Kelly Rowland, on a song titled “Crazy Stupid Love,” which will come out within the next six months.

“It’s fun doing collaborations,” says Sophia. “It’s not just one idea; it’s three.”

According to her father, Sophia is a triple threat. “She writes, she makes lyrics and she has a

good melody,” says the elder Mock. “Next year is going to be even busier than this one.”

UVic student making waves in music industry with dad's record labelSinging her way from Tokyo to ‘Tonight’

REBECCA COMEAU

14 CULTURE • MARTLET December 13, 2012

> TIA LOW

Victoria’s own Nelly Furtado has come full circle in her life and musical career; this is reflected in her latest album, The Spirit Indestructible, which was released in September.

The tour for The Spirit Indestructible kicks off in Victoria on Jan. 8. This is Furtado’s first Eng-lish album since 2006’s Loose, which received the most global success of her discography. Since then, she has also come out with a Span-ish album, Mi Plan, and a best-of album.

After a 12-year career, Furtado can still get ner-vous before playing a show, especially in Victoria.

“You really feel the pressure when your family is there. Not in a bad way, but you really want to deliver and put your best foot forward,” she says.

Furtado, who has lived in Toronto since start-ing her career, launches a 23-city tour across Canada on Jan. 8 at the Save-On-Foods Memo-rial Centre in Victoria.

“Victoria has done so much for me, and I’m so grateful for the support over the years,” she says. “[The city’s] got great vibes. It’s a fun way to launch a tour in your hometown.”

As a child of Portuguese immigrants, growing up in a multicultural community in Victoria ex-

posed Furtado to world music, which continues to be her main influence today.

“There were a lot of other first-generation Ca-nadians who had a lot to teach me. I was always quite musical and was always adapting and learning new styles of music from my friends,” says Furtado.

“Victoria’s a really unique place. First of all, probably because of its British, colonial roots, which obviously makes an impact on the city. Also, the strong Coast Salish influence and the web of multiculturalism within that.”

Furtado, who married in 2008 and has a seven-year-old daughter, felt overworked after her Loose tour and took a break. The high-energy sounds of The Spirit Indestructible are a reflection of some big life changes that took place during that hiatus, including her travels to Africa and her work as an ambassador for Free the Children, an international youth charity.

“Becoming an ambassador for them really reignited a sense of hope,” she says. “The Spirit Indestructible is about a lot of the people I met with really indestructible spirits, and that we can overcome anything.”

The new album is also reminiscent of her first two albums, Whoa! Nelly and Folklore. This may

be particularly interesting for long-time fans who got a shock from the Timbaland-produced Loose, which featured more mainstream and club-ready tunes.

“In my travels, I kind of found myself again. I travelled full circle to a place in my heart — a place of innocence and purity, which existed on my first album as well.”

One of Furtado’s favourite songs on the album is “Bucket List,” which is about putting love above everything on your bucket list.

“If you put love at the bottom of the list, then maybe it’s not worth doing all the other things. I think I’ve found that. I’ve really found true bal-ance in life that I think is probably reflected in that song,” she says.

Rodney (Darkchild) Jerkins, who has worked with Janet Jackson, Lady Gaga and Destiny’s Child, produced most of the songs on The Spirit Indestructible.

“He and I have this real inner-child-like con-nection. That made it extremely fun and excit-ing to be in his studio,” says Furtado.

Furtado says a new songwriting process also makes the album strong lyrically.

“It was my first time writing in English again for a couple years. When I wrote my Spanish al-

bum, I had to think about theme and metaphor and song mechanics. When it was time to write The Spirit Indestructible, it kind of forced me to think about song structure again in a new way.”

The singer shows no signs of slowing down and has plans to keep diversifying her musical style. Early in 2013, she is releasing a Portu-guese song with Andrea Bocelli called “Corcova-do,” produced by fellow Victorian David Foster.

“I’m like a musical explorer — I always want to learn more. It’s relentless, the thirst I have for music. It’s kind of unquenchable. I think I’m going to spend my life quenching those thirsts. Like a true explorer, you never want to visit the same place twice.”

Opening up for Furtado on the tour are Ontario singer-songwriters Dylan Murray, who appears on her album on the track “Be OK,” and Jessica Tyler, known for her role on the Canadian televi-sion series Degrassi: The Next Generation.

Tickets for the Victoria concert are on sale now at livenation.com.

Nelly Furtado - The Spirit Indestructible tourJan. 8 @ 7:30 p.m.

Save-On-Foods Memorial Centre$35–$79.50

Coming back to her roots before setting outNelly Furtado comes home to launch Canadian leg of tour

PROVIDED

December 13, 2012 MARTLET • CULTURE 15

250.595.6044

DECEMBER 17–26EVENTS CALENDAR

MUFFET VIA FLICKRPartake in the Red Umbrella March on Dec. 17 to mark the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers.

ACTIVISMMONDAY, DEC. 17RED UMBRELLA MARCHIn recognition of Dec. 17, the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers, there will be a rally in Victoria to bring aware-ness to the violence faced by those employed in the sex trade worldwide. Organized by the PEERS Victoria Resoure Society and the UVSS Women’s Centre, this event starts at the B.C. legislature before attendants proceed on a candlelit march up Government Street. Be sure to show your support by bringing along a red umbrella or wearing red.

For more info, contact the UVSS Women’s Cen-tre at 250-721-8353 or email wcentre@uvss.ca.

Meet at the B.C. legislature (501 Belleville St.), 4 p.m. – 7 p.m. Free.

ARTS/ENTERTAINMENTTHURSDAY, DEC. 20ONE-MAN STAR WARS TRILOGYFRIDAY, DEC. 21ONE-MAN LORD OF THE RINGSA one-man Star Wars show followed by a one-man Lord of the Rings show the next night is a definite one-two punch for geeks everywhere. The two shows are, in fact, a fundraiser by performer Charles Ross for Intrepid Theatre, which is where he got his start before achiev-ing worldwide recognition. You’ve got to credit this guy for sticking to his guns and taking the one-man Star Wars concept to this level of popularity. I think there are a lot of guys who try to do the exact same thing at home (myself included) and just end up annoying everyone around them. Pew! Pew!

Visit intrepidtheatre.com/shows for more info or call (250) 590-6291.

Metro Studio Theatre (1411 Quadra St.), 8 p.m. $25 ($20 students).

SATURDAY, DEC. 22IRON MAIDEN & VAN HALEN TRIBUTES: POWER CLOWN, HAM WAILIN’Okay, so you’ve survived both doomsday and the doomsday party you went to the night before, waking up the next morning safe and sound (besides your hangover and regrets). What to do? Time to party again, man! Tonight you’ve got to check out this show, featuring tributes to two classic hard-rock acts: Iron Maiden and Van Halen! Not feeling quite up to it? Hey, that Mayan calendar could be off by a day, bro. You’ve gotta give ’er while you still can.

For more info, visit sopranoskaraoke.ca and click “events.”

Soprano’s Karaoke and Sports Bar (730 Cale-donia Ave.), doors at 9 p.m., ends at 2 a.m. $12 advance.

SEASONAL EVENTS WEDNESDAY, DEC. 19 ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS: A VARIETY SHOW FUNDRAISER FOR THE MUSTARD SEEDVariety shows can be amazing things. Back in the baby boomers’ heyday, we had The Ed Sullivan Show, which featured appearances by Elvis and the Beatles. Then along came something even more amazing — The Mup-pet Show, featuring the debuts of Miss Piggy and Gonzo. And then there were no more variety shows, because what could top that? But it’s worth bringing the concept back if it’s for charity. Here’s a variety show that’s the brainchild of host Miss Rosie Bitts, who orga-nized it to raise funds for the Mustard Seed

charity, which is facing shortages in donations. Entertainers include members of the Cheese-cake Burlesque Revue, the Coventry Carollers, Wes Lord, Maxine Fisher and many more! Let’s hope they do a Muppet Show-style intro, and . . . oh yeah, Pigs in Space! All proceeds go to Mustard Seed.

For more info, visit missrosiebitts.com.Metro Studio Theatre (1411 Quadra St.),

doors open at 7:30 p.m., first show begins at 8 p.m. $20.

SATURDAY, DEC. 22DANIEL LAPP’S HOME FOR CHRISTMAS CONCERTS (WITH SPECIAL GUEST MAE MOORE)This annual Christmas concert promises to give concertgoers their money’s worth of musical entertainment, with performances by Juno nominee Mae Moore as well as the B.C. Fiddle Orchestra, the Joy of Life Choir, the Swingin’ Shepherds House Band and Folkestra. These guys don’t folk around; well, actually, I suppose they do. Be sure to bring along a donation of an item of winter clothing or a sleeping bag to help the city’s homeless keep warm this winter.

For more info, visit houseofmusic.ca.St. Andrew’s Church (680 Courtney St.), 2

p.m. and 7:30 p.m. shows. Matinee show: $10 adult / $5 students and seniors / $3 children 10 and under. Evening show: $20 adult / $15 stu-dents and seniors / $10 children 10 and under.

FRIDAY, DEC. 21 – SUNDAY, DEC. 23LIVE OUTDOOR NATIVITY PAGEANTIf you’ve ever wanted to see a full-on nativity pageant, this is the one to see. A tradition going back a quarter-century, this outdoor pageant held at Topaz Park has a cast of 100 as well as sheep, llamas and donkeys. That’s right — real donkeys! Try to top that with your flat construction-paper-background, elemen-tary school Christmas pageant! Couldn’t do it, could you? I thought not. If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

For more info, visit christmasnativity.ca. Topaz Park (Blanshard St. at Finlayson St.),

performances at 6:30 p.m., 7 p.m., 7:30 p.m. and 8 p.m. Free.

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 26BOXING DAY HULLABALOOWhat better way to burn off those holiday pounds you’ve gained from way too much turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, cheese, crackers, rum-and-eggnogs, Scotch whisky, garlic sausage and smoked oysters than by dancing the night away to a whole bunch of DJs? I mean, you could also burn off that energy getting in vicious fights in big-box retail stores with the other customers over the Boxing Day sales, but let’s face it: you’ve probably spent too much money over the holidays already. Hosted by Max Power, the Boxing Day Hullabaloo includes performances by Fred Everything, the Electric Timber Com-pany, DJ Nigel and violinist Kytami (who must really kick some serious ass to be playing at this show, I figure).

Email comms@radiocontact.ca for more info, or call (250) 217-2887.

Sugar Night Club (858 Yates St.) 9 p.m. $15 advance.

> ALAN PIFFER

16 CULTURE • MARTLET December 13, 2012

> TYLER LAING

What cocktail better tickles your tastebuds with fingers of holiday delight than rum and eggnog?

As a youth, I never much cared for the ’nog. Too rich for my liking — almost gag inducing. It required a resolute mind and steely stomach to finish even a rocks glass worth of the sac-charine swill without reeling. But then I had my first rum ’nog. Never again would the ’nog abuse my palate.

My first rum ’nog came late in my high-school years. It was Christmas morning. My family sat around the Christmas tree, bulging stockings laid across our laps, and my stepdad came into the living room with a glass of ‘nog in each hand. I shuddered at the sight, my salivary glands secreting in protest. He handed me one. The contents looked slightly darker than I recalled from the last glass I’d forced down 365 days earlier. Nor did the contents look as thick. Steve said, “Rum.” My mother tsked, and I took a sip, realizing in that moment that everything had changed.

As the years flowed by — and the passing of my 19th birthday helped make my mother’s tsks a thing of the past — those rum ’nogs only got stronger. My stepdad isn’t much for this particular beverage, but he is a man of prin-ciple. And eggnog cut with Captain Morgan’s dark rum is the customary Christmas-morning cocktail. When it comes to holiday fare in our house, tradition trumps all, and there’s no getting away from certain comestibles (rum ’nog where Steve is concerned, and Brussels

sprouts or smoked oysters for me).Now every December, as cartons of eggnog

line the dairy shelves of the local grocer, my salivary glands still squirt, though no longer with consternation. This year, I did not wait for Christmas morning, and my girlfriend and I had barely flipped the calendar away from November before we had rum ’nogs in our hands. But something peculiar happened. Without thinking about it, I purchased a bottle of Bacardi white rum. We filled our glasses, sprinkled the bobbing ice cubes with nutmeg and went on our way. It wasn’t until last week, after discussing holiday plans with my friend and frequent rum ’nog consumer, Justin Bedi, that I realized what I had done.

“It’s got to be dark, like Lamb’s Navy or something,” said Bedi. “What were you doing with white rum?”

I could only look at the floor in shame.Bedi’s breakdown was simple. “A shot will

usually do, maybe two depending on how much ice you use. Pour in the eggnog — you want more eggnog than rum, about two [parts eggnog] to one [part rum] — then a dash of cinnamon and nutmeg at the end.” He said the spices “class it up,” but that the drink can be enjoyed without them, too.

Some people avoid rum and eggnog because they worry about the drink curdling in their bellies, but Bedi said this concern is mostly un-founded. “You only notice it if you have [a rum ’nog] and then pound a beer back after. It’s a horrible experience. It does not feel good.”

Aside from that, rum ’nog feels good indeed.

LIQUID DIET

Rum ’n’ ’nog spices up the season

TODD SCHMID

> KAITLYN ROSENBURG

The holiday season is synonymous with food (at least in my eyes). Sure, I’m excited to make the trek home, reconnect with those few high school friends I’ve managed to keep and finally catch up on the past season of Dexter, but don’t get me wrong: most of my winter break will be spent eating. And I won’t be eating in restaurants. I’ll be at home with my family, carrying on our many food-related Christmas traditions.

We’ve eaten the same Christmas morning breakfast since my age was in the low single digits (delectable cinnamon buns stuffed with chocolate), and the toes of our stockings always cradle a mandarin orange, but my favourite food tradition makes its appearance at our big turkey dinner.

Simply called Christmas Salad, it’s a strange combination of Jell-O, vegetables, fruits and nuts. Made only once every 365 days, its fleeting appearance makes it something of a celebrity amongst the mashed potatoes and gravy. The recipe originates from my grandmother, and as the third generation of women in my family to use this recipe, I’m sharing it with you.

CHRISTMAS SALAD1 small box lemon Jell-O2 cups raw cranberries, sliced in half1 cup celery, chopped½ red apple, chopped½ green apple, chopped1 small can (8 oz/227 g) crushed pineapple, drained1 cup white sugar1 cup almonds, chopped

Directions

Prepare Jell-O according to directions on box. Set aside.

Lightly mix the cranberries, celery, apple and pineapple with the sugar.Once the Jell-O has cooled, combine with the fruit and vegetable mixture. Gently mix in almonds. Cover and refrigerate, preferably overnight. Enjoy.

For those intimated by Jell-O salad, there are plenty of Victoria restaurants offering Christmas-themed specials this month.

Stop by Bin 4 Burger Lounge (911 Yates St.) any time during December for their holiday-themed menu. The Let’s Talk Turkey burger ($14) features Fraser Valley free-run turkey, sausage stuffing, wild mushroom gravy, sweet potato strings and cranberry aioli. For dessert, try the eggnog cheesecake with rum caramel ($5) or the white chocolate and mint Bailey’s mousse with candy-cane sprinkles ($5).

Canoe Brewpub (450 Swift St.) has its Winter Gale Strong Ale on tap ($6.50 per pint). My roommate swears by this brew, with flavours of cinnamon, ginger and clove in each sip.

The Clay Pigeon (1002 Blanshard St.) of-fers homemade stocking stuffers. Choose from Nutella cookies ($4 per bag), root chips ($5 per bag) or sweet and spicy almonds ($6 per bag) for your special someone. And if you need to escape your house post-Christmas, The Clay Pigeon is holding a Boxing Day brunch until 3 p.m.

Provided the apocalypse slated for the 21st is a hoax, Pizzeria Prima Strada’s Cook Street loca-tion is open News Year’s Eve and Day (230 Cook St.). Champagne pairs wells with pizza, right?

My Christmas Salad my not be for everyone, but my family’s food traditions aren’t really about eating. They ensure we’re together, spending the last days of the year with those most important to us. Because the way I see food? Sharing a meal isn’t about eating, it’s about saying “I love you” without saying anything at all.

EATS, CHEWS AND LEAVES

Meal options for the holidays

KAITLYN ROSENBURG

December 13, 2012 MARTLET • CULTURE 17

> KATHERINE GOERTZ

Mandy Leith’s documentary forum, Open Cinema, is hosted in the Victoria Events Centre approximately once a month. The Events Centre has casual café lighting, and on Open Cinema screening nights, the audience is invited to sit around tables or on couches to encourage discussion. After the film is shown, guest experts on the focal issue are available for questions from the audience and Twitter followers (via #opencinema). On Jan 23, Open Cinema will be showing In Organic We Trust with special guest Carolyn Herriot, farmer and author of The Zero Mile Diet.

With its focus on social and environmental issues, Open Cinema’s events usually fill the entire events room, but Leith knows that popu-larity doesn’t guarantee the safety of her art form. At 49, Leith has been in the documentary

business for 30 years and has seen massive gov-ernment cuts to the independent film industry, despite the genre’s popularity. As part of the national board of the Documentary Organiza-tion of Canada, Leith is constantly looking for ways to save the documentary. “It was born and raised in Canada,” she says, “so we’ve started a petition to declare the documentary as Canada’s National art form.”

Now in its tenth season, Leith’s café-style documentary forum began after a media con-ference in 2003. “I had been helping to make social justice documentaries about ordinary people doing extraordinary things, but the films weren’t finding their audience,” says Leith. With documentary strands quickly disappearing, she decided to start a non-profit dedicated to expos-ing documentaries to the community.

It wasn’t easy for Leith to run a non-profit alone, and around year five she was almost

ready to quit. Overwhelmed, Leith invited stakeholders to a meeting to help determine the future of Open Cinema.

“She was having difficulty with Open Cinema surviving as a separate organization,” says Peter Sandmark, executive director of local non-profit MediaNet. According to their mission statement, MediaNet strives to “support and facilitate the creative use of video/film as a form of commu-nication and personal expression.” Sandmark told the stakeholders that “Open Cinema was an important program, and if they weren’t able to continue, then MediaNet would have to do it.” Rather than throw away Leith’s years of hard work, MediaNet hired her and made Open Cinema a program within the organization.

According to Dvora Levin, one of the consul-tants who helped navigate Open Cinema’s tran-sition, it is Leith’s passion that has made Open Cinema a success. “She has pulled together, at

a meaningful level, elements that help people learn and change,” says Levin. “Some of the programs really had me change my behaviour.” Levin hasn’t used plastic water bottles since Open Cinema screened Tapped, a 2009 docu-mentary about water usage.

This summer, Leith plans to travel across Canada, connecting with organizations that have a similar focus. Leith, whose for-profit business Media Rising provides consultation on social media and digital storytelling, knows how powerful the Internet is. “I want to help seed some kind of shared learning network of community initiatives across the country: a way to connect organizers, provide resources for filmmakers to find venues and for sponsors and community members to find partners.”

For more information on upcoming events, visit opencinema.ca.

Local film forum screens documentaries, fosters debateOpen Cinema founder Mandy Leith on what it takes to keep documentaries alive

PROVIDEDOpen Cinema founder Mandy Leith is entering the 10th year of operation for the film forum she founded in 2003.

HUMOuR You're making a New Year's resolutions list, right? Make it a funny one and send it to martlet.humour.feature@gmail.com.

We can run it in our "A-List" humour column.

18 HUMOUR • MARTLET December 13, 2012

·We fix cell phones ·We unlock cell phones ·We fix all computers (all parts)

·We fix tablets (all parts)

10% OFF FOR ALL STUDENTS

Give us a call:

www.siguyscomputers.com250-590-64671400 quadra street

Blackberry, apple, samsung, htc, LG, and more

> PATRICK GRACE

You’re sitting at a round wooden table in a Starbucks because you couldn’t think of a more original setting for the first date. He’s 10 min-utes late. The old couple beside you keeps kiss-ing over peppermint lattes, the joyous barista is wearing reindeer antlers and Josh Groban is belting out his version of “Silent Night,” but since this is your third first date in a month, you pray that tonight will be anything but silent.

Strangers steal the empty chair at your table, but you drag its lifeless body back in the hopes that Potential Date Number Three will show up any minute and warm the chair back to life. The bell on the door will jingle and he’ll be wearing a terrible red and green sweater, but at least you’ll have found that special someone to snuggle with in front of the fireplace on

snow-covered nights. Right? Wrong. After 20 minutes, Potential Date Number Three becomes yet another no-show, and you suddenly wish you had brought a mickey of rum to spike your lukewarm eggnog latte.

We’ve all undergone similar first date disasters that we never care to speak of again. If you’re feeling down about your love life this holiday season, here are some remedies that might just lead to a speedy recovery.

Instead of gettin’ some, how about givin’ some — holiday spirit, that is? Volunteering at a homeless shelter and handing out soup to those less fortunate is a great way to put your non-existent sex life on the back burner, at least until you return home to find no booty calls or sultry messages have been left on your machine.

If you’re forced to attend a holiday work party, be sure to bring enough spiced rum to dull the

pain of being one of the few singles in the room. Feeling particularly naughty? Guilt your fellow party-goers into sharing the booze; you’d be surprised how fast your resentment of others’ happiness disappears while sharing a drink. Just don’t make a move on someone else’s spouse, because nothing says “unhappy holidays” like getting caught in an awkward cubicle hook-up.

Remember the timeless motto of canine soli-darity: mutts before dating ruts. Last month’s annual De-Stress Fest at UVic proved soft and cuddly for many students stressed out by up-coming final exams, and it’s a remedy that’s sure to work on dating woes. So head to the SPCA and indulge in some puppy love, or better yet, borrow a friend’s dog for the day and re-enact the park scene from 101 Dalmatians — you might just catch another single’s eye.

Stop cruising those online dating websites.

December is the worst time to be browsing for a new potential partner thanks to final exams and family obligations, so get rid of that Match.com bookmark from your browser and delete that Plenty of Fish app from your Smartphone — at least until you add “get a date” to your list of New Year’s resolutions.

The end of the Mayan calendar may spell doom and gloom for superstitious folk, but there aren’t enough celestial disturbances in the world to alter your dating life. Blaming your mistletoe mishaps on your mommy issues won’t keep you warm on cold winter nights, but if you must call her up and rant, do it quick. The holidays were made for family drama, but you shouldn’t prolong it past Boxing Day.

To wrap up this cheery holiday message, just remember: there’s always next year . . . maybe.

A single’s guide to the holidaysKLARA WOLDENGA

•

Lil BUB wants you to check out the new martlet.ca jShe knows that when it comes to the Internet, you gotta make sure every-thing is interactive. That’s why martlet.ca has new features like upvoting and threaded comments. You’ll also find stories that use awesome media like videos, slideshows, Storify and more! So listen to Lil BUB, because as a fa-mous Internet cat, she's the undisputed expert.

> The University of Victoria’s Independent Newspaper 23 COMMENTS39 UPVOTES

martlet.ca

December 13, 2012 MARTLET • HUMOUR 19

THURSDAY

UPCOMING EVENTS AT  

www.felicitas.ca

THURSDAYJan. 3

FRIDAYJan. 4

SATURDAYJan. 5

MONDAYJan. 7

TUESDAYJan. 8

WEDNESDAYJan. 9

THURSDAYJan. 10

FRIDAYJan. 11

 

 

Trivia & Pool (7pm–11pm)

Local MusicMondays:The New Groove-ment and Boots of Mischief. No Cover

Battle of the Bands

Finale

KaraokeNo cover

(8 pm)

KaraokeNo cover

(8 pm)

Live BandsTBA

Live BandsTBA

Medical Brigades fund-

raiser. $5 in advanceFelicita’s will be closed Dec. 21, 2012–Jan 3 2013

> GEOFFREY LINE

The Mayans’ premonitions of the end of human civilization have come true, and early, but not as a result of a shift in Earth’s magnetic field. There are no natural disasters, tsunamis or floods. No livestock are being whipped about the globe like waffle balls. Rather, the Western world’s supply of caffeine is gone, and all wireless Internet con-nections are down.

Unbeknownst to journalists and consumers worldwide, the cause of the coffee crisis began months ago. Citing longstanding unfair trade policies and its mistreatment by global super-powers, the Republic of Colombia refused to continue exporting coffee beans to the United States, China, the European Union and any state trading with these countries — in other words, the world. Neighbouring Central and South American countries soon followed suit. Bolivia and Ecuador have, however, agreed to continue exporting cocoa beans.

Hot chocolate is still available this holiday season, but workplace productivity is plummet-ing. Managers worldwide are reporting that due to the absence of coffee, staff members are less attentive, less able to multitask, less energetic and far less chipper. Waiters at fine-dining res-taurants are failing to polish the cutlery on their tables. Secretaries are unable to schedule and oversee meetings. Accountants are falling asleep on their paperwork. Christmas elves are mouth-ing off at children waiting in line to see Santa at mall food courts.

Experts say that within months, weeks or even days, perhaps, the consequences of the coffee bean crisis will be more alarming. Pilots will forget steps in their pre-flight checks. Police officers will be less likely to avoid pedestrians while in a car chase. Firemen will be groggy when the station bells ring and may fall asleep

descending the fire pole. Cruise ship directors may not be able to rouse a crowd, even to dance the Macarena.

Though unrelated, the effects of the computer virus that has rendered wireless Internet ineffec-tive worldwide are similarly dire. Users of public transit have reported a lack of stimulation coupled with intense boredom and depression. If left untreated, these feelings can lead to sud-den, violent outbursts. To calm said citizens, national broadcast syndicates have encouraged adherence to the “Count the Sheep” campaign. CBC, PBS, BBC and others have advised citizens feeling dismayed and unable to endure their withdrawal from the Internet to focus on an un-moving subject such as a wall, a pillar, a shoe or a popcorn-speckled ceiling and count imaginary lambs hurdling over imaginary fences.

Public libraries that do not rely on Wi-Fi have been stormed for their one-hour “free Internet” cards — depriving librarians of their already limited energy (the coffee shortage has hit book-worms disproportionately hard). A disturbingly large percentage of holiday travelers have found themselves lost in snowbanks or in the wrong city, part of town or neighbourhood without access to Google Maps.

Experts are not optimistic. In fact, one of them fell asleep while sharing his expertise in an interview. But hope remains. Please refer to your government-issued TEA DROP calendar for when you can expect your package of Earl Grey, Orange Pekoe or English Breakfast to parachute into your neighbourhood for your holiday enjoyment. Snuggle on the couch with your cup of cocoa or tea while you watch Armaged-don, Deep Impact, The Day After Tomorrow, The Road, Mad Max, 28 Days Later, The Terminator or Contagion, and be glad that, at the very least, the demise of our civilization doesn’t merit a disaster movie.

> DAVID NORWELL

Tired of team sports and passing time in the BiblioCafé? Ready to put your spin class skills to good use? Here’s what you need to know to get started with the exhilarating campus pastime of people dodging.

Essentials: a bicycle (preferably one without brakes), swarms of pedestrians and a lapse in judgment. When to play: between classes while students and profs are milling about. Rules: pedal as fast as you can and weave through pedestrians like it’s going out of style.

Once you have the basics down, it’s time to get technical. Begin to cut your turns tighter, de-crease your margin of error to centimetres and don’t forget to look back and give a big smile to the angry obstacles that you blast past. There is unlimited potential to get creative while show-ing people the ineffectiveness of walking.

No one has done any comprehensive research on the approximate life expectancy of a people dodger, but I expect it is not long. People dodgers are likely to incur serious injury, if not from the pavement, then from collisions with innocent bystanders.

Last winter, karma came full circle and I, a most seasoned people dodger, finally suc-cumbed to the inevitable. Cruising to the Engineering / Computer Science Building, I approached three huddles of pedestrians. I swerved around the first two groups with ease. One of the female pedestrians gasped at my skill. I was just overtaking the third group while banking left when something went terribly wrong. My chain fell off while pedalling. Both

feet slipped off of the pedals from the sudden drop in tension, and I shot over the handlebars like a kitten from a catapult. I landed hard on the pavement and then rolled into the bushes. My world went black.

I heard whispers, but kept my eyes closed. “I think he’s dead,” said the girl who had gasped at me. Eventually, I chose to use my sense of sight. I saw eight heads peering down at me — all the folks I had just obnoxiously overtaken. They asked if I needed help, and I was amazed that they were not kicking me while I was down. I figure they knew that I was already beaten.

I apologized and told them I was okay. And I lay there for a while. Everyone headed to class, and I was left in a crumpled mess. I was one with the bushes. The initial shock left, and a pain trickled up from my elbow — it was broken. It felt as though my arm was a stick that had been jammed in the spokes of a speeding bicycle.

I repressed the pain and went to my class. Eventually, I got a ride to the hospital from a

friend who couldn’t help but tell me, “You are so stupid.” I sat in the waiting room and began replaying the moments leading up to the crash: the ridiculous grin on my face, the goofy pink bike that I loved so much and the gasps from the mobs of walkers, which were music to my ears.

It is just like life to wipe away such happiness because of a simple technical difficulty.

Even weeks later, I had yet to get back on the saddle. Flashbacks haunted my dreams, and every time I saw bike racks, I shivered.

The moral of the story is simple. People dodge all you like — just don’t crash.

People dodging: better than intramurals

KLARA WOLDENGA

GLEN O'NEILL

Due to sudden absence of Wi-Fi and caffeine, North Americans crumble

The real apocalypse of 2012

20 HUMOUR • MARTLET December 13, 2012

$20 ADVANCE TICKETS$17 AT THE DOOR

WWW.CLUB9ONE9.CA

MONDAY

3 1D E C E M B E R

9PM

ROBOT COMICS BY KLARA WOLDENGA

POOT PIZZA BY YELLOWPAD COMICS

NORTH-EAST LYNX BY PATRICK MURRY & MIKE PAROLINI

HEY, WANNA MAKE SOME COMICS?

WE WANT TO PUBLISH THEM.

EMAIL PROCO@MARTLET.CA

SERIOUSLY. SEND US YOUR COMICS.