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Dealing with Difficult Staff
July 14, 2010
Presented by Bob Siegel
Two to Remember*Confidentiality Agreement
*Rule of 55/38/7The Numbers of Meaning from where people derive meaning
55% see38% sounds 7% actual words
Small Group DiscussionIdentify difficult staff persons you have had.
- first name- position- what made them a pain
How did you feel dealing with them?His/her effect on your school?His/her effect on other employees?Consequences of their behavior?
* What is their “pet” phrase?
RememberIt is the behavior (of the person) that is difficult
notthe person him/herself.
…”everybody is somebody’s difficult person at least some of the time.”
So…Who are they?
The Difficult Dirty Dozen
• The Tank• The Sniper• The Know-It-All• The Think-They-Know-
It-All• The Grenade• The Gossip
• The Yes Person• The Maybe Person• The Nothing Person• The No Person• The Whiner• The Self-Promoter
Twelve specific behaviors that represent people at their worst.
Let’s Meet Our Contestants*The Tank
The Tank is confrontational, pointed, and angry; the ultimate in pushy and aggressive behavior.
*The SniperWhether through rude comments, biting sarcasm, or a well-timed roll of the eyes, making you look foolish is the Sniper’s specialty.
*The GrenadeAfter a brief period of calm, the Grenade explodes into unfocussed
ranting and raving about things that have nothing to do with the present circumstances.
Contestants*The Know-It-All
Seldom in doubt, The Know-It-All has a low tolerance for correction and contradiction. If something goes wrong, however, the Know-It-All will speak with the same authority about who’s to blame – you!
*The Think-They-Know-It-AllThink-They-Know-It-All’s can’t fool all of the people all of the time, but they think they can fool some of the people enough of the time,And enough of the people all of the time- all for the sake of getting Some attention.
Contestants
In an effect to please people and avoid confrontation, Yes People say “Yes” without thinking things through. They react to the latest
demands on their time by forgetting prior commitments and over-commit until they have no time for themselves. Then,
they become resentful.
*The Yes Person
*The Maybe Person
In a moment of decision, the Maybe Person procrastinatesIn the hope that a better choice will present itself. Sadly, with Most decisions, there comes a point when it is too little, too
late ….and the decision makes itself!
Contestants*The Nothing Person
No verbal feedback, no verbal feedback. Nothing.What else can you expect from …the Nothing Person.
*The No Person
More deadly to moral than a speeding bullet, more powerful than hope, able to defeat big ideas with a single syllable.
Disguised as a mild mannered normal person, the No Person fights a never ending battle for
futility, hopelessness, and despair.
Contestants*The Whiner
Whiners feel hopeless and overwhelmed by an unfairworld. Their standard is perfection, and no one and
nothing measures up to it. But misery loves company,so they bring their problems to you. Offering solutions
makes bad company so their whining escalates.
* The Self-PromoterNo matter what topic or task is at hand, Self-Promoters
see it as an opportunity to advertise themselves. The rest of the group is present merely to applaud, while
Self-Promoters continue to broadcast their greatness…after all, that is why we came to work.
Contestants*The Gossip
-You tell me-
Four ChoicesWhen confronted with any of these difficult
behaviors, you have four choices.
1. You can stay and do nothing.
2. You can vote with your feet.
3. You can change your attitude about your difficult person.4. You can change your behavior.
Know the Zone of Normal.
The Four Intents1. Get the TASK DONE.
2. Get the TASK RIGHT.
3. Get ALONG with PEOPLE.
4. Get APPRECIATION from PEOPLE.
Which one resonates for you personally?
Know That….It’s a challenge to balance all of our intents.
As intent changes, so does behavior.
You can hear where people are coming from.
Shared priorities, no problem.
Fear = BehaviorIntent – Get It DoneFear - Not getting it doneBehavior – more controlling
Intent – Get It RightFear – Doing it wrongBehavior – more perfectionist
Intent – Get AlongFear – Being left outBehavior – more approval seeking
Intent – Get AppreciatedFear – Not being appreciatedBehavior – more attention getting
Two Essential Communication Skills
BlendingAny behavior by which you reduce the differences between you and another in order to meet them where they are and move to common ground. Examples of blending?
RedirectingAny behavior by which you use that rapport to change the trajectory of the interaction.
Blending always precedes redirecting.
Examples of redirecting?
Listen to UnderstandWhen your problem person is talking…..
Your goal: Listen to Understand.
Steps
1. Blend visibly and audibly
2. Backtrack some of the person’s own words.
3. Clarify the meaning, intent, and criteria.
4. Summarize what you have heard.
5. Confirm you got it right.
Reach a Deeper Understandingwhen discussions degenerate into conflict.
• Identify Positive Intent
• Identify Highly Valued Criteria
With Problem People… speak to be understood
1. Monitor the tone of your voice.2. State the positive Intent.3. Tactfully interrupt interruptions.4. Tell your truth.5. Be ready to listen.
…Project and Expect the Best
*Pygmalion Power *Give the benefit of the doubt. *Appreciate criticism.
Summary and Debrief
Comments and
QuestionsThank you
RESOURCES
• “Dealing with People You Can't Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst”; by Brickman and Kirschner
• Bob Siegel [email protected] 312-551-7139
